Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Ranma and Akane: Woes in Nerima ❯ Thoughts, Plans, Recriminations ( Chapter 5 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

:Refer to pages 1, 2, and 3 for disclaimer:

In the early evening at the NekoHanten (Cat Café) sat a VERY concerned Kon Lohn elder matriarch and de facto leader of the Chinese Amazons, as earlier she’d gotten a call from a hospital about the condition of her erstwhile great-great-great granddaughter and future successor Xian-Pu. However the phone call itself wasn’t the source of her concern, but rather “WHO” had made the call.

#DAMN! What is that man up to now!# Cologne grumbled in chinese.
Dealings with this “Who” every hundred years or so had left Cologne wary of situations that he involved himself in.
The last incident involving him sometime after the first world-war had some how resulted in the creation of “Spring of drowned Godzilla”. All these years later Cologne was STILL trying to figure how he managed to drown Godzilla in a Jusenkyo pool of water 3 meters wide and only one meter deep. Cologne though, still thought somewhat sadly to the only victim of that spring, a downed WW-2 Japanese fighter pilot. After returning to Japan the poor kid nearly destroyed all of Tokyo, just looking for a tea kettle. How tragic. Thus her concerns of situations he involves himself in and there results really are rather understandable.
Cologne was brought out of her reverie by the tinkling of the cafés door bell.

#Grandmother! Xian-Pu is home now!# She exclaimed happily from her wheel chair.
#Good to see you Xian-Pu… um, the Doctor said you were fine, so why are you in that thing?# asked a curious Cologne.
#Is stupid Mu Tsu’s idea, he wouldn’t let me even walk home like a wounded warrior shoud!# Shampoo grumbled with an all too cute pout.
#But Xian-Pu! I love you! After what Saotome did to you need your rest my love!# Mousse exclaimed as he pushed Shampoo the rest of the way into the café and up to the table were Cologne was seated.
#Shut up Mu Tsu or else I’m having Mu Tsu over for very special Muu-Shuu-Duck this evening!# Shampoo said a little too happily.
#OH XIAN-PU! You’d really make such a wonderful dinner for our date!?# Mousse beamed, overjoyed.
#No, stupid Mu Tsu misunderstand, Mu Tsu not come to meal…. Mu Tsu BE meal.# Shampoo said with a wicked cat like grin. Which was really quite good considering how much time she spent as a cat.
Mousse being a smart man that enjoyed simple things like… breathing wisely shut up.

Cologne chuckled at the antics of her successor and asked.
#Now Xian-Pu, can you now fill me in on the details of what happened 2 weeks ago that was so bad you and two others were a coma for the time? From Mu Tsu here I gather Son-in-law Ranma is somehow involved?#
Shampoo sighed deeply and said #Yes Grandmother, Airen did this, and I can’t really blame him either. Xian-Pu, Spatula girl Ukyo, and Crazy girl Kodatchi all do too too bad thing, but mostly Xian-Pu’s fault.# With that she looked very sadly to the floor.
#Xian-Pu, this sounds very serious, now explain to me what happened now!# Cologne said with authority.
And so Shampoo told her all the events of that day, how by some cosmic joke all three girls who were delivering food of some sort or another to Ranma had all run into each other along the way and began fighting for the right to feed Ranma, how brutal the fighting was, and it leading all the way to the Tendo compounds front yard… she paused.
#And then Akane violent girl come out yelling at us for fighting in their yard, I said something stupid to her, and we were about to finish the fight in a “sudden death”, winner feeds Ranma… but Akane jumped in the fight and was aiming at me with a kick. I could’ve just deflected her kick.# Shampoo paused to stifle a light sob. # But I was acting rashly and just grabbed the nearest biggest thing and threw it at her, it was a sealed water barrel… shipped to Ranma… and it was filled with Nannichuan water!# Shampoo cried out.
#I see, and so, let me guess, Akane broke through the barrel you threw at her?#
Shampoo just nods.
#I haven’t seen her or Ranma since a few days before this all happened. So she turns into a man eh?# Cologne said, but it wasn’t a question.
Shampoo nods.
#Xian-Pu, so tell me, what does she look like as a “he”?# Cologne had to suppress the smile she was having of the idea of Akane the tomboy and the hater of all things male turning into a man herself.
#Well, I didn’t get a too good look before Ranma well…. But Akane look very much like boy-type Ranma, could be brother or cousin even. Oh, but boy-type Akane hair is red very much like girl-type Ranma’s hair.#
#Hmm, I’ll have to look into this in more depth later. Now Xian-Pu, stand up, I wish to examine you. The healing result of that attack doesn’t sound right at all.#
Shampoo stood as commanded, and Cologne using skill borne of more than 360 years of life peered into the very being of Shampoo, seeing the unseen and scrutinizing every aspect of it.
#Hmm, troubling# Cologne mumbled more to herself than anyone else.
#What? Is… is something wrong with me great-grandmother?# Shampoo asked a little bit more than scared.
#Hmm? Oh no, you’re absolutely fine Xian-Pu. From what I see it looks as though son-in-law Ranma used the “Merciful Assassins Blast”, a ki attack that later repairs what it has damaged. Interesting and worrisome that he knows it though. While not solely an Amazon technique, I don’t know where he could’ve learned it. Certainly Happosai wouldn’t have taught the boy something so dangerous.#
#It is very dangerous great-grandmother?#
Cologne whacked Shampoo over the head with her staff.
#Yes Xian-Pu. It is the “Merciful ASSASSINS blast” after all. The idea is to nearly kill the subject and cause great amounts of physical pain, the attack also heals that damage, so the attacker can come back again to repeat the nearly killing and causing pain as many times as they want. The name though in case you guessed isn’t terribly accurate, I fear after more than one or two of these attacks death would be more merciful.# Cologne said sadly.
Shampoo just shuddered at the thought that her beloved Ranma had used such an attack against her.
#MU TSU Come here!# Cologne bellowed.
#What is it ya old Mummy!# Mousse retorted as he walked in from the kitchen and stared at a houseplant.
Much to Mousse’s and Shampoos surprise, Cologne didn’t whack him with her staff, instead she just sighed and said.
#Mu Tsu, it’s getting late, lock up the café, Xian-Pu still needs to rest some and I must meditate on these troubling turns of events.#
# ‘ very troubling indeed, Ranma’s knowledge and I fear Shampoo has finally lost Ranma. Shampoo made Ranma and Akane a perfect couple.’# Cologne thought sadly for her great great great granddaughter as she disappeared into her study for the night.



At the same time in the great depths of the Kuno mansion stood a very peeved Kodatchi.
The reason was the dismay and disordered state she found her precious lab in upon arriving home.
“SASUKE!” she bellowed, yet somehow managed to still sound elegant.
“Yes mistress?” the diminutive ninja said as he seemed to materialize before her eyes.
“Please explain the meaning of this?” with that said she made a grand sweeping hand gesture of the wreck of a laboratory.
“Mistress, Master Tatewaki used the lab and some of your potions to create the ultimate love potions to ensnare Ranma Saotome into loving him.” Sasuke explained.
Kodatchi made a disgusted face.
“I had no idea that my brother was THAT way with men, but still I can not allow him to pursue my great Ranma-sama.” Kotatchi said with a venomous disgust in her voice.
“I’m sorry Mistress, but it seems as though you are still a little confused. Your brother is not pursuing the MALE Ranma Saotome, but rather the FEMALE Ranma Saotome formerly also known as “The Pig-Tailed Girl”. Sasuke explained… again. But tonight he might just get through to her as he mentally smiled.
“Oh, my brother dearest is still only chasing after that red haired tramp eh? His use of the lab is of no concern to me then” She said haughtily and was about to turn-in for the evening when Sasuke interrupted.
“Mistress Kodatchi, this is very important and I do not think it can wait any longer, will you listen?” He asked and she nodded down at him curiously.
“Have I not told you repeatedly the male and female Ranma Saotomes’ are one in the same person, just under a shape-shifting curse?”
Kodatchi nods, but annoyance written on her face for this is not the first of such conversations ‘ I’ll have to chain him in the cellar again for spreading this vile lie once again ’ she mused silently to herself.
He continued “In fact even both the male and female Ranma’s have said as much to you, as well as the Tendo family and the entire student bodies of both Furinkan high school and St. Heberke school for girls. But mistress, tonight I have something that you’ll want to see, that should make your brothers chasing of the pig-tailed-girl very interesting and important to you.” With that said he pulled out a mini-dvd disc and popped into a video screen set that Kodatchi somehow missed seeing earlier.
What she saw astounded her, she’s heard the awful vile lie that her Ranma-sama was cursed to become that red haired piece of gutter trash when doused with cold water and back again with hot water. She even thought she saw for a flash of an instant at the martial arts gymnastics competition. But on the screen in super slow motion were scenes of her Ranma-sama getting splashed by cold water at the most inopportune times and shrinking in height, gaining breasts and she was certain a certain appendage being inverted. In the frame-by frame she could even make out the faint magical aura that surrounded Ranma for a fraction of a second to work the change. Then other images of a girl-type Ranma fully unclothed and stepping into the hot shower in the Tendo furo and again a faint magical aura and she gained height, breast shrank, and then Kodatchi had the good grace to blush a deep crimson at what she saw change below the belt line.
Realization hit her like a ton of bricks.

“No” was all she was able to mutter.
‘ It can’t be, can it? But surely that footage wasn’t faked, it was just too good, and all the stories from people, and my own eyes?!’
“HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO BLIND TO THE TRUTH!” Kodatchi screamed.
“Mistress, do you now see what it means for Master Tatewaki to be lusting after Ranma with love potions?” Calmly asked, not wanting to further unhinge the girl from reality.
(sob) “Yes Sasuke, I think I do see, I think I see clearly now. If my brother continues after the female Ranma, that’ll mean that I lose my Ranma-sama! But he’s not my Ranma-sama is he?” She asked him and shook his head in a “no”.
Though as noted, the working mind of a Kuno is an true sight to behold as a mischievous smile appeared on her face and she said “But, if I were to take these new effective potions from brother dearest…then… then I can use them on my male Ranma-sama then he’ll be mine!” she cackled which made Sasuke cringe in fear, then continued “I love it when a plan comes together! Hohohohohoh!!!” In a swirl of black rose petals she was gone.
‘ Geez, where does she get then keep all these rose petals?” Sasuke mused to himself.
‘ probably should make the call now’ Then Sasuke pulled out a cell phone, dialed, and waited for the voice of his true employer…
“Hello Sasuke, good of you to call, now what do you have for me this evening?”
Came the voice of Nabiki Tendo over the line…. Sasuke grinned from ear to ear.
This was going to be good.


Meanwhile at the Ucchans Okonomiyaki, Konatsu stood a silent vigil over the closed restaurant while Ukyo quietly cried in her bed over her decision over Ranma and Akane.
‘ It’s going to hurt… a lot, but Ranchan, you don’t deserve me. I fought along with the others like you were a prize to be won. And all it took was a tragic accident to show me how wrong I was. I’m so sorry Akane. Tomorrow my life is yours. To atone for my transgression I’ll be your… your… slave.’ And with that she slowly, sadly drifted into a restless sleep, a lone tear streaked down her cheek.


T/B/C!