Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Ranma and Akane: Woes in Nerima ❯ Are you manly? ( Chapter 7 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

:Refer to pages 1, 2, and 3 for disclaimer:

On any other given night the Tendo dojo (aka pinpoint singularity of chaos theory in action in suburban Nerima ward: Tokyo) might be the scene of a colossal fight with monsters and ghosts, or unusual kidnapping plots by some obscure Chinese Prince. Or what-ever else, that would invariably involve either a busty red-haired girl, or a handsome young man, depending on the weather of course.
However, a different more frightening type of drama is coming to pass this night in the dining room of said dojo.

“Now then ‘Ranko-chan’, oh, or would you prefer ‘Ranma-chan?’” the now seated Nodoka began coldly. Just when it looked as if Ranma might say something she continued.
“No, that can wait, for now. Now, grandfather Happosai has told me quite the tale, much of which fits with what the Tendos’ here, and interestingly enough, you, have already told me child. But there’s oh so much more he said that interests me greatly.”

Everyone in the room, minus Nodoka, stole a glance at the frightening visage of a smirking, yes a smirking Happosai. (scary!)

Nodoka began again “Child, now I think I can understand the hair-brained idea of you ‘hiding in plain sight’ as it were, considering your…. gender affliction. Though I am disappointed that you chose to hide in fear from me. That’s NOT very manly.”(sigh)

Ranma at this point had her head down, and if you were to see her face behild the bangs you’d see the tears of shame and fear threatening to come. But no, Ranma wouldn’t cry. No, it’s not manly.

“Auntie stop! It’s not his, fault he has the curse!” Akane-kun said, breaking some of the tension in the room.

“Yes Akane, so grandfather has told me. As I understand it, if it weren’t for my baka husband over there…” Nodoka bagan to said only to notice Genma then said “…. GENMA PUT THAT WATER DOWN RIGHT THIS INSTANT! YOU’RE NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS MESS BY BEING A DAMN PANDA!” with a sufficiently cowed Genma trying to retreat into his own shadow she continued. “As I was saying, if it weren’t for him and his stupidity Ranma wouldn’t be cursed. So as that is, I’ve decided that this is not a factor in the contract.”

Upon hearing this Ranma looked up as asked hesitantly “Y-you mean you won’t make me commit seppuku ‘cause I’m a girl sometimes?”
Nodoka looked confused for a moment then said “Seppuku? You? No never! That portion of the contract was only for your father to keep him in line and so he’d come back. Both accounts he failed miserably on I might sadly say.” She said that gave the “death glare” to the sweating in fear form of Genma. Then went on to say “No, I could never harm you my child, my Ranma. No, at the most I’d have you turned ronin.”

While being ronin in Japanese society means you’re looked upon with the same grace as dog poo on a shoe. It was still a far cry better than being dead in Ranma’s book at the moment.

“Now then Ranma, I have some questions that’ll halp me decide if you are indeed manly. Will you answer truthfully and to the best of your manly ability?” when Nodoka received a nod from the red-head sitting across from her she began.
“Ranma, while you’re a girl, are you attracted to men?”

“WHAT!? NO! I’M A GUY DAMMIT!” Ranma practically screeched in a higher soprano.
“So, while you’re female you insist that you’re male. Hmm very manish, but not necessarily ‘manly’. Then I take it that while you’re female you’re a lesbian?” she asked.

Ranma blushed prettily in embarrassment and could only nod. After all it was her/his MOM asking…. that!

Nodoka smiled for the first time that night and said “Hmm, very good, nice and manly my child. I approve, after all two women together it is every man’s fantasy. And being a lesbian yourself will help with your many manly urges.”
As the others in the room digested this bit of logic, they (even Kasumi) face-vaulted. Hard.

“What, was it something I said?” asked a confised Nodoka to a recovering Ranma.
“No mom, that was just a bit… unexpected is all.” Ranma replied.

“Okay dear, next thing. I understand it that you have no less than four nubile young girls chasing and lusting after you. And that they’ll chase after even when you’re a girl. Is this true? And what are your feeling for them?” Nodoka asked.

“Umm well yeah, there’s Uc-chan, umm that’s Ukyo Kuonji. Pop and her pop engaged us, but I only see her as a friend, and umm recently she dropped the engagement so were just friends again.”

“Oh, and why did she drop the engagement, dear?”

“Umm, ah, I think she’s feeling pretty guilty in her part on getting Akane cursed.”

“Ah, I see. Please continue.”

And so Ranma did.
“Okay, then there’s Shampoo. She’s a Chinese Amazon, and by their laws I’m her fiancé ‘cause I beat her in combat. But I’ve not seen her in a while. And I guess she’s alright, a bit of an air-head, but we’re friends at least I guess. I do know that ain’t no way I’m goin’ ta’ china though to be her husband.” Ranma said that last bit with clear distaste. And Nodoka raised an eyebrow at the idea of marriage by combat by the sound of it and though ‘this bears more investigating than I thought. Ranma must be very manly though.’

“Then there’s this loony girl Kodatchi Kuno of a noble house. The whole family is bonkers if you ask me. And I guess if she weren’t tryin’ so hard to make me lover her with chemicals, or tryin’ to kill my girl side, ‘cause she hasn’t figured out we’re the same person. I could maybe be friendly with her.”

“I understand Ranma, I’ve heard of… some of the things that the Kuno family has done. It would indeed be manly of you to befriend this girl, even though she’s used tricks in the past.” Nodoka said then asked “And what of Akane-kun here? What are your thoughts on her, umm err him as it were.” She said and silently added ‘damn I never knew pro-nouns could be so difficult.’

Ranma blushed prettily and stammered “W-what? The, um tomboy? S/he’s violent and uncute, dumb and built like a brick!” then added to herself ‘but really cute when he or she smiles.’

And despite the little red-heads comment, everyone (except Genma who was now trying to hide under the floor mat), and even Akane-kun saw right through it.

Akane-kun then said “Ranma no baka” and playfully hit Ranma in the arm. And to say that Ranma was shocked that she wasn’t pounded through the floor was an understatement. While Nodoka’s smile just grew a little bit more.

Nodoka once again getting the attention of Ranm asked “Now Ranma dear, is there ANYTHING else that you think I should hear before I decide?”

‘oh Ranma, please don’t say anything stupid’ was the general thought running through the minds of the Tendos’.

“Um, yeah actually, you say that your Happosai’s great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter right? Sooo, I guess that makes me his….” Ranma couldn’t finish as Happosai himself spoke up.

“That’s right my boy! You’re my great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchild. And a fine heir to the school I founded.” Happi said with no small amount of pride then continued “In fact I’m proud of all my granddaughters here!”

Now THAT got Soun’s attention and he started making warding gestures to the grandmaster, wanting the secret he feared to be maintained. But after hearing Happosai’s broad remark Nabiki’s curiousity was piqued.

“Hey, Letch, what do you mean by “all of your grand-daughters”, don’t you just mean Ranma?” Nabiki said with a smirk towards said pigtailed girl’s direction.

Happosai makes a tisking sound and says “I guess it’s my own fault really, I trusted Soun and Genma to tell you all one day of your fine herritage” (sigh) “Just think about this for a moment Nabiki-chan, The school of Anything Goes Martial Arts is a FAMILY art, and I’m the founder and grandmaster. Put two and two together.” Happi said with a, for once friendly smile.
The three Tendo girls (one currently a Tendo boy) thought about that, and at the same time Ranma was still mentally puking at the idea of being ANY sort of relation to Happosai.

Kasumi was the first to recover from the, shall we say, shock? Of THAT revelation, considering both Nabiki and Akane looked as though they were about to be ill. Violently. And soon. And said “You mean to say that Father and Genma are your decendants Grandfather Happosai?”

Kasumi’s polite question was rewarded with a cackle to which Happi said. “What those two twits? No, they married into the family, in fact my children, and their children and their children, well you get the idea, were all girls. Ranma here is my first grandson. It shames me that Sound and Genma never told you girls of your glorious heritage.”

Meanwhile certain things clicked in the minds of the youngest Tendo girls.

“HOW COULD THREE HUNDRED YEARS OF CHILDREN ALL BE GIRLS!?”
“RANMA AND I ARE RELATED! THAT’D BE INCEST IF WE MARRIED!”
Nabiki started and Akane finished the shout, quite loudly at the same time.

Happosai chuckles and explains “Well, little Akane, first no, not incest, considering the Saotome lines comes from my fist marriage with Mariko, oh such lovely bright red hair she had too (he sighs happily in remembrance), and can’t forget the big juggs. In fact Ranma you take after her quite a lot…..”

‘greeeeat’ Ranma drawled mentally.

“…..And then the Tendo line comes from my second marriage 60 years later with Kaeda, oh and what splendid red hair she had too! And sooooo energetic and wild in bed to boot! Mmm, red-heads, gotta’ love ‘em!” Happosai cackled while Ranma, currently in case you missed it was a red-head, shivered.

“So, to answer your question Akane, no at most you’re both really distant cousins. And Nabiki, that’s simple. All I gotta’ do is while I was boppin’ Mariko and Kaeda was to super-charge my manly seed with female ki so the children are girls and the effect is cumulative and carries over to the next generation.” Happi said with no small amount of pride at his feat of eugenics.

Whereas Kasumi, Nabiki, Ranma-chan, and Akane-kun, after hearing his explanation, turned green and all rushed to quickly evacuate their stomachs.

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As the youths came back from their impromptu sojourn to the great while thrown, the aquatransexuals both back in their birth forms. They noticed Nodoka and Happosai quietly talking while the fathers were once again playing “Go”. Honestly, how those two could play such a simple game day in and day out and not get bored to tears, was an amazing feat in and of itself.

“Hiya mom” Ranma-kun said to Nodoka interrupting her conversation with Happi. Who’d you expect him to say it to? Sailor Pluto. Who actually upon closer inspection IS watching this exchange through the time gates. But enough of that for now.

“Oh Hello Son, I was wondering if I’d get to see you tonight, now let me have a look at you.” She said with a motherly smile.
After several very embarrassing minutes of close securitization and some cheek pinching.
Nodoka said. “Son, I’ve decided that you are indeed a manly man amongst men. You’re kind, handsome, a strong warrior, and have several girls at your choosing. I just have one more thing to say.”

“Yes mom?” Ranma said slightly nervously.

Nodoka shouts “GRANDCHILDREN!” and whips out the victory fans, while Ranma and Akane face-vault.
After several minutes of the “grandchildren” dance as performed by Nodoka, she composes herself and says “Grandfather, I believe you have an announcement to make?”

“Yep! Sure do. Ranma My Boy, step forward, I Masa (1) of the clan Happosai declare you, Ranma of the clan Saotome Master of the Anything Goes school of martial arts and my Heir. Do you accept?”

To say Ranma, and the rest of the household was stunned, might be an understatement.

“Yeah, I do, um thanks Master Masa.” (snickers) “But why now?”

“Simple my boy, I was impressed that you handled Herb and the others before him, but I needed to wait so that contract could be out of the way. After all, can’t very well have a dead or ronin Martial arts master now can we?”

“Oh…” was Ranma’s reply.

“And that reminds me….” Nodoka said, and SHING, the sound of a Katana being drawn, but from inside the scabbard she pulled out a slip of paper, the contract in question, tossed it into the air, and seconds later with careful sword strikes it was confetti on the floor. With that feat of swordswomanship, the household realized just how much skill Ranma received from his mother’s line. Not to mention the good looks, and large chest.

“My, look at the time son, almost midnight already, where did the time go, well we best be leaving. Husband come!” Nodoka said with authority.

“Huh? Where to No-chan?” the slightly drunk Genma slurred out.

“Why that’s simple dear…” she began with a uber-kawaii smile and an attitude that was a 180 degree on a hairpin curve reversal of what she came into the house with “…I’ve kept my marriage vows for almost 11 long lonely frustrating years now and mechanical boyfriends are only so good soooo long. So husband, we are going to our home, and you’re going to repay me for 11 years worth of D-cell batteries, and do your manly duty. And after 10 years of training you had better be VERY manly!” she finished with a lewd smirk.

THAT sobered him up, in the blink of an eye Nodoka was in Genma’s arms as he speedily roof-hopped to the Saotome house on the other side of Nerima.

“Oh my!” interestingly that came from Nabiki. While Kasumi thought ‘damn why are people stealing my lines! I hardly get to say anything as it is and they take away my ONE little line!?”

Meanwhile Soun “fountain-san” just added a NEW wail to his repertoire, the “My best friend is out getting nookie but I’m not, I wonder if Hinaiko-chan is busy? Pedophilia, what’s that?” WAAAAA!!!”

After the senior Saotome’s left Akane turned to Ranma and said “Ranma, you’re mom is scary”
Ranma only nods as he looks out in the direction his parents just went.
Akane continued with “Come on Ranma, tonights a school night.”

And at around 3:00 in the morning, when the shrieks and load moans echoing across Nerima finally died down all was right in Nerima once more.


…. For a little while.


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authors note:
(1) Masa = Japanses boys name meaning “Righteous”. Seems fitting, no?

Oh, and the next chapter is a graphic LEMON. You have been warned.

T/B/C!