Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Spiritual Fun ❯ Of Samerai, Ghosts, and Compensation ( Chapter 1 )

We join Ranma, Akane, and Shampoo after Akane sees Ranma by Shampoo, who just hit him with her bike.

"RANMA NO BAKA!" Akane said as she slams her mallet…

*WHAM*

…into Ranma so hard, he's flying several feet above Furikan High.

"Where Ranma land to this time?" Shampoo asked.

"I don't care." Akane said.

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Somewhere, a few blocks outside of Furikan, but just a couple of streets away from the Tendo Dojo, a closed Antique shop lies undisturbed and out in the window, is an antique bottle that is in mint condition.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

*CRASH*

Or, not, thanks to a flying Ranma Saotome.

"Stupid uncute tomboy! Why does she always think I'd hurt her like that? I lo…" Ranma didn't finish, because he noticed a strange fog. "What the…?" The fog then formed a human with firry red hair that was spiked, an open buttoned red shirt, a black t-shirt, brown khakis, Vans, and a goatee.

"Oh man." He said. "How long was I out?" He then looked around. "How long WAS I out?" He then saw Ranma and then transformed his cloths into the original "Star Trek" captain's uniform. "Tell.. me young… man," he said imitating Captain Kirk, "what year… is this?"

"Uh… 2002." Ranma said. The figure then turned his cloths back to normal.

"2002?!" The person said. "Dear God! All the things that I missed! The French Revolution!" He then turned into a French peasant, stuck out his arm, and said "VIVA LA FRANCE!" He then smelled his armpit. "Viva la deodorant." He then turned back to normal and said "The Moulin Rouge!" He then turned into a (ugly) can-can dancer and did the can-can to music somewhere in the background. He then turned back to normal and said "The American Revolution!" He then turned into Gorge Washington and said "I can not tell a lie, I LOVES CHOPPIN' WOOD!" He then went back to normal and said "DISCO! Ok, so some things are worth missing. But most of all, I MISSED THE END OF THE X-FILES! DAMN YOU MISTRESS OF FATE! MUST YOU BE CRUEL BECAUSE I NAILED YOUR SISTER?!" He then turned to Ranma and said "My name's Koji, how are you?"

"Uh, fine." Ranma said dumbfounded. "You really nailed Fate's sister?" Koji just fell down anime style.

"Nice kid, but wouldn't get the joke about the Chicken and the road." Koji said. "No, I was making a joke because of all the stuff that I missed Ranma."

"Oh." He said, the something hit him. "How did you know my name?"

"Oh, that's simple you see… you should move three steps to the left." Ranma, looked confused, and did so, but…

*WHAM*

…Shampoo STILL ran over him with her bike.

"Oops! I met right. My bad." Koji said with a smirk.

"Shampoo sorry Ranma. Is ok?" She asked. Then she noticed Koji and that smirk of his. "What you looking at?"

"Me will tell all later." Koji said with a smirk. "Anyway, as I was trying to say… hold that thought."

"RANMA! Where are you and that bimbo?!" Akane said still angry when she dropped in.

"Temper, temper. You're an anger management class' wet dream!" Koji said as he suddenly appeared in front of Akane, causing her to jump.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Who are you?" She asked scared.

"Koji's the name, being a spirit and having fun and TRYING to tell why I'm here's the game." He said. "By the way Akane, as much as you want to picture Ranma and Shampoo get it on, and you do you pervert, admit it…" Akane's response to that was…

*WHAM*

…a fist to the face, however, to everyone's shock, instead of bleeding, his face was as flat as a pancake.

"Just a sec, I'm feeling flat." He said, then he grabbed his nose, pulled his face out, and was back to normal. "As I was trying to tell you Akane, Shampoo always seems to sneak up on Ranma, even when he doesn't want her around."

"Hurrrrrrrrumph." Akane said angry. "Likely story."

"Hmmmm… strong and stubborn. You and your dad know how to pick `em Ranma." Koji said.

"HOLD ON! Will you please tell us your story and how you know everyone?" Ranma said trying to get off the subject.

"Ok pig tailed boy, I will." He then spit into several Rocky Horror fans and said "A LONG LONG TIME AGO, IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY, GOD SAID `LET THERE BE LIPS!' AND…" He then got back to normal. "Wrong story. Anyway, you see, I was a normal human that got a sorceress in Samurai era Tokyo really angry."

"You was around in Samurai time?" Shampoo asked.

"Me was." Koji said in a mock tone. Then he transformed into a samurai. "HA! YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAA! HIEKEYBA! HA! Battles, stories, and of course, more concubines than the eye can see." Everyone sweat dropped at his last statement as he turned back to normal. "Anyway, what I did was I gave her frog's legs instead of a lizard's gizzard. So, she put me in a bottle, and to make it more torturous, she gave me as much powers as her but made it so that I couldn't get out unless she opened it or it broke. She had a ball trying to see me use all my powers, but couldn't get out."

"If you've been in there since the days of the Samurai," Ranma asked, "how did you know about the French Revolution, and all the other stuff?"

"Simple, she made it so that I knew what was going on around me and numerous people around the world." Koji said. "I love helping people, witch is why I tried getting her the ingredients in the first place, but seeing a whole lot of people needing help, yet not being able to do anything about it was torturous to me." He then transformed the area around everyone and him into a padded room and transformed his cloths into a straight jacket. "And being cooped up in a bottle kinda drives you MAD I TELL YOU! MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He then turned back to normal along with the area. "Other than that, I'm just your average powerful spirit." Just then they heard…

"AKANE MY LOVE! STEP ASIDE FOWL SORCERER!" Kuno as he came, bokin and all, and…

"Stop right there, wood boy." Koji came in between Kuno and Ranma. "Who's this guy?"

"Kuno." Ranma said. "I thought you knew about me."

"I do, but you have 3 fiancées, a nut job stalking you, and so many rivals up the yin yang. You try keeping track of them all." Koji said holding Kuno's bokin.

"Unhand me vile cur!" Kuno said. Koji then looked as his weapon.

"Nice bokin. You compensating for something?" He asked.

"HOW DARE YOU?!" Kuno said.

"Easy, I see you, I diss you." Koji said, just then, they heard…

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" An ear piercing laughter from Koudachi.

"How dare you not only tarnish my brother but befriend the ones between me and my love!" She said. Just then, she got splashed with blood gushing from Koji's ears.

"MY EARS! MY EARS!" He said.

"That discussing." Shampoo said.

"I know Kodachi's laugh does a number on the ears, but that's over doing it." Akane said.

"IT'S NOT HER LAUGH! HER SHAKESPEARE IN THE PARK REJECT SPEAK SHE CALLS `TALKING' DID IT!" Koji said. Just then, his ears stopped bleeding. "All better."

"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Kodachi said offended. She unleashed her ribbon, but Koji was no wear to be found. Instead, she got Kuno's boken and was struggling to get it free.

"No thanks, I'm a spirit already." Koji said from nowhere, but Kuno and Kodachi were too busy trying to get free from each other.

"Let go sister dear!" Kuno said.

"No, you let go brother dear!" Kodachi said. Then Koji reappeared, tied Kodachi's ribbon into a bow on Kuno's boken while humming `Do Your Ears Hang Low.' Once he was done, he got out some giant scissors and gave that same smirk he's been giving everyone.

"Say bye-bye, because you're gonna kiss the sky." Koji said to Kodachi as he cut the ribbon and she was flying into the air. Koji then turned into a baseball announcer. "It's going! Going! It's annoying! IT'S GONE!" He then saw Kuno, face to the ground, unconscious and morphed into an umpire. "YOU'RRRRRRREEEE OUT!" He then turned back to normal and looked at Ranma and Akane. "So, lets get you love birds home, huh?" He said, but then Shampoo grabbed the back of his shirt.

"Spirit no take Ranma home! Ranma take Shampoo to date!" Shampoo said angrily.

"Spirit take Shampoo to Shampoo's worst fear!" Koji said as he snapped his fingers and she was gone. "Hot babe, not as dumb as she looks, and she looks like the offspring of the head cheerleader and Quarterback."

"Huh?" Ranma asked.

"What do you mean?" Akane asked. And where did she go?"

"She's with Moose… alone. I'll talk about the dumb thing later. Now, lets get you home." He then turned into the good pink fairy from the Wizard Of Oz. "Now, click your heels together three times and say `There's no dojo like home. There's no dojo like home." He said in a cutesy, getting sweat drops from both Ranma and Akane, and he turned back to normal. "Ok, so I tried to bring a little class into this, so sue me." He then went to the wall behind them, and pulled it down as if it was a window screen and pulled it up and it revealed the Tendo dojo.

"AKANE! RANMA!" Soun said shocked. "How did you get here?"

"Good question." Akane said confused.

"I also do barmitsfas." Koji said.