Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Switch!  ❯ Chapter 1

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

SWAT teams are a thorny issue for UK police forces. In an attempt to be less controversial,
Strathclyde Police sought to choose a new name, the result: "Fast Armed Response Team". They got
as far as getting the sign outside their offices put up before someone worked out the acronym...


Switch!

Shampoo sifted through the boxful of her great-grandmother's jewellery. So the reversal jewel plot
hadn't worked out entirely according to plan. Big deal. There had to be a gazillion things in among
this load of junk that would help her nab her groom. Looking for anything in a box that was in any
way locked, sealed, chained, guarded with wards, electrified, had teeth, she couldn't help but pocket
the odd item that appealed to her.

After hoarding most of the jewellery there was, she noticed a brooch lurking in the corner of the box.
Picking it up, she examined it closely. It was a yin-yang sign, carved from ruby and emerald and
outlined in silver. "Shampoo have that one too," she decided aloud, pocketing it, before depositing the
rest of her load in her room.

Bouncing back down the stairs, she poked her head around the kitchen door. "Great-grandmother, you
help, tell Shampoo what jewels are for OK?"

"Later, child. Can you deliver this ramen for me?" Cologne handed her the delivery box.

"Of course! Deliver ramen is no problem for Shampoo!"

"And can you actually DELIVER it this time? It's a replacement for that one you tipped over Mousse."

Shampoo sniffed haughtily and crossed her arms. "Deliver ramen is no problem for Shampoo - when
stupid duck no interfere!"

~~~~~

Elsewhere in Nerima, district of abnormal weather (where's Mulder and Scully when ya need 'em?!)...

"WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW?!!!!!!" Ryoga Hibiki yelled. When the echo had finally died away,
he turned around, coming face to face with a sign that stated quite simply, 'Furinkan High.' "Then
that means... this must be Nerima!" He dug a map out of his pack and studied it closely, then ran off - in completely the opposite direction. What a surprise.

~~~~~

"What a haul! What a haul!" No prizes for guessing who. Bouncing along walls (and the occasional
person), Happosai merrily twirled a pair of panties on the end of his pipe, cackling madly with glee.
Coming to the end of the wall, he simply used the nearest head as a stepping stone, before landing on
the pavement. (Or sidewalk, for those who don't speak English.)

If there was one thing Ryoga hated, it was Ranma. But what he also hated was pork, bullies and being
used as a springboard. And Happosai. Brushing the footprints off his head, he set off after the old
man, determined to bring the old coot to justice. (Him and the rest of Nerima, eh?)

The angry yells didn't scare the old man in the slightest - after all, was there ever a time that a panty
raid was carried out WITHOUT screams of terror, shrieks of anger and crowds in pursuit? "Hey there,
sonny! Great day for a run, eh?"

"Get back here so I can kill you!!"

"Where's the fun in that? Come on boy, you must be getting old if you can't even catch an old man
like me!" he taunted, hopping up onto a fence.

Ryoga looked up and skidded around the 90 degree corner after him...

Shampoo on the Amazon Bicycle of Death (tm) also skidded by, glancing up at the old pervert as she
did so...

...And the two smashed into each other.

The jewel fell out of Shampoo's pocket and rolled over to the fence Happosai was standing on. Being a
thief by nature, it was no surprise that he popped it in the sack of stolen undies, without even casting a
glance at the two teens, who were too busy being unconscious to take any notice of him. "Young ones
nowadays. Got no stamina," he sighed, hopping away.

Shampoo groaned and slowly sat up. "Oooh... what truck hit Shampoo?" she mumbled, rubbing her
head. Then she froze. Where was her hair ornaments? Come to think of it, where was her HAIR?!!
And her breasts????!!!! And what on earth was she wearing???!!! Slowly, she focused her eyes on the
crash scene and watched... herself sit up.

"Ow... I hate that dirty old man," Ryoga grumbled. He kicked aside the Amazon Bicycle of Death (tm)
with a look of annoyance on his face. "And I hate people on bicycles who don't use bells!"

"You stupid! What you DO to Shampoo?!!!!" Shampoo screamed, grabbing him by the throat.

Ryoga looked down at himself and screamed. How the hell did he end up looking like Shampoo?!!!
"What did I do?! What did YOU do?!!! You're the one with the magic spells around here, not
me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"This NOT Shampoo's fault! Where you go, you get magic potion?!" (s)he screamed back.

Mousse came running down the road. "How dare you touch my beautiful Shampoo?!!!" he screamed,
whacking him (her) over the head with a large mace. (Confused yet? Good.)

Shampoo yelped and rubbed his head. "Mousse, I KILL!!!!" he snarled, leaping to his feet and
chasing him back down the street.

Ryoga jumped to her feet as well. "Wait for me!" she yelled chasing them as fast as she could. "Hey,
where'd the houses go?! Where's Nerima?!!!!"

~~~~~

After a very satisfying bout of Kick The Duck Into LEO, Shampoo strode through Nerima, feeling
most peculiar. Having seen Ranma's gender swaps, he naively thought that it wouldn't be all that
different. But now he was discovering firsthand what it felt like to be five stone heavier - all muscle -
and what felt like seventy centimetres taller. He felt rather like a cross between the Incredible Hulk
and the BFG. But on the plus side, walls which had previously been reinforced to stop him running
through them now crumbled before him, which meant he didn't need to go around them. *Shampoo
must find stupid Lost Boy,* he decided, conveniently forgetting that he'd run off and left her behind.
*Lost Boy most likely try find Tendo Dojo. So that where Shampoo go.*

~~~~~

"Excuse me, can you tell me the way to the Tendo Dojo?" Ryoga asked politely.

The guy leered at her. "Sure babe. It's that way."

HATE VIBES!!!!!! Ryoga was seized by a sudden and intense loathing for guys who called girls
'babe.' "How far in that direction?" she asked through gritted teeth.

"Just a couple of blocks. It's about five minutes away," he confirmed. He grinned sleazily at her.
"Want me to show you the way, gorgeous?"

"Sure." Ryoga kicked him through the air. "You point it out when you're flying over it!" she yelled
and started walking in a direction that was surprising close to the one he'd pointed out. Glancing in
shop windows as she passed, she was surprised to find she could actually distinguish between boot-cut
and straight-leg jeans. "This is far too weird," she muttered to herself. "I have to find Shampoo and
switch me back!"

"SHAMPOO!" a voice behind her cried. Before she could ask where, she was glomped. "My beautiful
Shampoo I'm so glad you're safe!!!!" Mousse howled.

Ryoga struggled for breath. "Get offa me, you stupid blind fool!"

Mousse pulled his glasses over his eyes and frowned in confusion. "Shampoo? When did you learn to
speak Japanese?"

"Um... aha!" Ryoga batted her eyelashes at Mousse. "Mousse take Shampoo to Tendo Dojo, is OK,
yes? You do for Shampoo?"

"Of course! Whatever you desire!" Mousse proclaimed, taking hold of her hand. "I would take you
anywhere in the world if you want me too!"

"Just the Tendo Dojo is fi- I mean, Mousse just take Shampoo to Tendo Dojo now, OK." Ryoga pulled
her hand away. "And you don't have to- Mousse no need hold Shampoo hand!"

~~~~~

"Nihao!" Shampoo greeted, bursting through the wall.

Akane jumped about twelve feet into the air. "Ryoga! For a second there, I thought you were
Shampoo!"

Shampoo resisted the urge to be sarcastic (or to pound the girl into a small grease spot on the floor),
instead concentrating all his energy into his speaking. He'd finally thought of a way to take advantage
of the situation and it wouldn't do for Akane to get suspicious. "Akane know where Ranma is?" he
asked carefully.

"He's in the dojo. Are you all right?" she asked curiously.

"Yes. I fine. Why Akane ask?" Shampoo asked innocently.

"You're talking funny," Akane pointed out.

*Who ask you, ugly fat thunder-thighs gorilla girl?!* Shampoo bit his tongue quickly. "Is
imagination. I go see Ai-Ranma now!" He ran out of the room before Akane could question him
further and charged into the Dojo. "Ranma!" he greeted, resisting the urge to glomp him.

Ranma cast him a slightly annoyed look. "Oh look who's here. What d'ya want, P-Chan?"

"Just want say hi," Shampoo said sweetly. "And fight."

Ranma looked bored. "You always want to fight. But I suppose I could take two minutes out of my day
to kick your butt!"

Shampoo scowled slightly as her new male ego retaliated to this comment. "We fight outside," he
ordered. *And Shampoo throw you in pond so we take bath together!* he added mentally.

One minute and fifty-nine seconds later...

*SPLASH*

"Bwee!"

Ranma snorted and brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Well, what d'ya know! I beat my record! You're
getting' too weak, P-Chan."

"Bwee-bukii!" Shampoo growled, shaking himself off. Ranma had never hit him so hard before - he'd
obviously been holding back when he fought him during the reversal jewel incident. Against HIM, the
best of the warriors in his tribe! The arrogant jerk!!

Ranma picked him up by the bandanna. "I suppose I'd better change you back," he decided with a
long-suffering sigh.

Immediately, Shampoo was on cloud nine. Oh it would be such torture! To be naked in the bath with
the man of his dreams and unable to take advantage of the situation! Of course, that wasn't going to
actually stop him from taking a bath with Ranma...

~~~~~

Ryoga burst through the door and skidded to a halt in front of Akane. "Akane! Have you seen- I mean,
you see Ry- uh... Stupid Lost Boy?" she asked urgently.

Akane glared at her. "And why would YOU want to see Ryoga?" she asked angrily.

"Is important Shampoo speak to Lost Boy. Akane help? Akane tell Shampoo if he here, yes?" Ryoga
asked again in her best Stupid Foreigner dialect.

Akane crossed her arms. "So Ranma isn't enough for you, now you're trying to get your claws into
Ryoga as well?!"

Ryoga blinked, then smiled slightly. "Akane... jealous?" she asked.

Akane looked vaguely puzzled. "Jealous?"

Ryoga nodded. "Is nicer than Ranma. Is stronger. Would be good husband to Akane."

Akane simmered. "If you think he's so great, YOU marry him!"

Ryoga plunged down into the fires of hell. "You... don't even like him a little bit?" she asked in a
small voice.

Akane-Satan snorted. "That idiot? You're kidding right," she said, poking her with the pitchfork.
"And even if I did, I wouldn't tell YOU!" she finished, tossing the other girl into the hall and slamming the door behind her.

Hell vanished. *She just didn't want to tell Shampoo!* she thought happily. *There is hope after all!*
She frowned and jumped back to her feet. *Of course, It'll help to be me again.*

~~~~~

"Nabiki? You see Lost Boy anywhere?"

"That'll be 300000000000 yen for that info, Shamps."

~~~~~

"Panda know where Lost Boy is?"

"Growf."

~~~~~

"Kasumi, have you seen Sh-Ryoga anywhere!"

"Oh, him and Ranma are taking a bath."

"Oh, OK-THEY'RE WHAT?!!!!!"

~~~~~

Shampoo sighed blissfully and sank lower into the water. "Ranma come into bath yet?" he said
hopefully, wishing Ranma would stop flinging cold water around and jump into the hot tub.

Ranma frowned. "Are you feeling all right?" she asked curiously.

Why did everyone insist on asking him this?!!! "I fine. Why Ranma ask?"

"You're talking like Shampoo," Ranma pointed out.

*STUPID %$£%&% &%$$%&^ &^$$£££ *^^%&*% JAPANESE LANGUAGE!!!!!!!!!* "Is
Ranma's imagination. I speak same always," Shampoo replied cheerfully. "You come in bath now."

Ranma shrugged and climbed into the hot water. Shampoo almost fainted. Then he frowned. "You
hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"That."

*thudthudthudthudthuDthUDtHUDTHUDTHUDTHUDT HUDTHUDTHUD*

*SLAM*

*THUDTHUDTHUDTHUD*

*CRASH*
*weeeeEEEEEE*BONK*

Shampoo yelped and fell over backwards as the bucket hit him on the nose. Ranma yelped too (for
entirely different reasons) and ducked down as far into the water as he could sink. "Shampoo!!! How
many times have I told you NOT to come charging in here like this?!!!!" he yelled.

Ryoga ignored him and glared at Shampoo. "What are you playing at?!!" she hissed. "You run off and
leave me-"

"Ranma here too," Shampoo interrupted, jerking a thumb at the pigtailed boy, who was looking at the
both in bewilderment.

Ryoga sweatdropped. "Uhh... I mean, Shampoo want know why stupid idiot boy run away, leave
Shampoo to find way here-"

Ranma blinked. "Yo, Shamps, slow down! What's going on here?"

"BUTT OUT!!" Ryoga yelled, shoving Ranma into the tiling.

*CRASH*

"Ow."

"Hey! What you do that for?!" Shampoo growled.

Ryoga tossed him a towel. "Get up and get dressed. This isn't the time to be fooling around in the
bath with Ranma," she said with a scowl.

"Is not?" Shampoo said innocently. "Shampoo think is perfect time to play in bath!"

~~~~~

"Shampoo still not see what problem is," Shampoo continued to complain. "Shampoo could have
much much fun be man for day."

"And I could NOT have 'much much fun' being a girl for a day," Ryoga shot back. "What if I get
lost?! Who knows what you'd do with me in that time!"

Shampoo pouted. "Shampoo not stupid, no do anything suspicious. Shampoo no see Lost Boy's
problem. Can have bath with Akane now, no problem."

Ryoga froze. "A b-b-b-bath... with A-Akane...?!" she mumbled, turning a deep shade of red. She
shook her head decisively. "I can't do that! It's... it's... what if she found out?!"

"She no find out if you careful-"

Ryoga glared at him. "I won't do it. I won't let myself be tricked by you!" She sighed. "Besides, it
would be to much to hope for, her not finding out - especially the way you talk."

Shampoo blinked. "What you mean, way Shampoo talk?"

"Listen to yourself! You've been in Japan nearly a year now and you're still making the same basic
grammatical errors!" she pointed out.

Shampoo scowled. "You mock way Shampoo talk?! Shampoo make you pay!"

"Oh yeah? You try it, Bimbo!"

Cologne pogoed down the street on her cane, caught sight of the duelling teens and frowned, a nasty
expression on anyone's face, but especially ugly on hers. She bounced over and whocked Ryoga over
the head before the two could really get into their fight. "Shampoo! What happened to that delivery?!"

"What d'you do that for, you old bat?!" she yelled, rubbing her head.

"Great-grandmother!" Shampoo gasped.

Cologne frowned some more and looked from one to the other. "What's going on here?"

Shampoo and Ryoga froze, then looked slowly at each other. "Uh... nothing! Hahahahaha!!!!" they
both laughed nervously and highly unconvincingly. Cologne said nothing, but increased the intensity
of her stare.

"Aiyaa! Why Great-grandmother so suspicious?" Ryoga bubbled quickly. "Stupid Lost Boy say Airen
is arrogant, chauvinistic playboy who treats girls with no respect and is big bully!" She grinned pertly.

Shampoo simmered quietly. "Well, Shampoo say-"

"Said," Ryoga whispered behind her hand.

"Said Akane is ugly fat green-eye monster violent hammer-happy chunky-butt gorilla girl," Shampoo
finished smugly.

Ryoga simmered and socked him in the jaw. "How dare you speak about Akane in such a manner?! I
won't allow it!"

"Who you to talk?! You just jealous that Ranma better than you!!" Shampoo taunted.

"JEALOUS?!! Why you-"

*SPLASH*

"Bwee!"

"Meow!"

Cologne put the bucket down and nabbed the two animals before they could react. "When we get back
to the Cat Café, you two are going to give me some answers," she said sternly.

~~~~~

Cologne locked the bathroom door behind her, then waited for the tub to fill, before tossing the cat
and the pig into the water. There was a few seconds of nothing, then two heads broke through the
surface of the water, gasping for breath. She sat back and glared sternly at them. "Now, which one of
you is Shampoo?"

Shampoo reluctantly raised his hand. "Is me."

"Good grief child, what on earth happened?!" Cologne scolded.

"Is not Shampoo's fault," he protested.

Ryoga scowled. "Well it isn't my fault either!" she growled, being very careful not to look down at
herself.

Cologne intervened quickly. "Shampoo, didn't you say you were sorting through some jewellery
earlier on?"

"Aiyaa... you think could be reason?" Shampoo breathed. He hopped out of the tub and rifled through
the pockets of the clothes he'd been wearing before getting switched and pulled a handful of jewellery
onto the tiled floor. "Is one missing," he said sharply.

Cologne handed him a towel. "Describe it too me," she ordered, handing Ryoga a towel which she
wrapped around herself thankfully. She listened to Shampoo's description and sighed. "That's the
ancient Vice Versa jewel. If an Amazon had a rival who couldn't be eliminated no matter how hard
she tried, she would switch herself over and either behave so badly the man she loved would desert
her - then switch back and win his hand, or she would stay in that body forever."

Shampoo blinked. "They why you no give to Shampoo to use on Akane?" he asked.

"Firstly, because there's not much more you could do to Son-in-Law that would be worse than Akane
already treats him, but mainly because I didn't know I actually had the jewel with me."

"Oh."

Ryoga blinked and looked at them both. "So this really IS your fault?" she asked curiously.

Shampoo flushed. "Shampoo guess so... but is accident!"

Cologne unlocked the door and hopped out. "Well, you two get dressed and we'll try and find a
solution to this problem."

~~~~~

Shampoo put some of the plates away, relishing his new height, but at the same time wincing at the
sound of breaking china as he gripped one too hard. "This body strong," he commented.

Ryoga tried not to look smug. "I know. Stronger than yours, anyway."

Shampoo pouted, then decided it would be fun to tease her a little in revenge. "Is very nice. Body like
this go all night long!" he purred.

"SHAMPOOOO!!!" Ryoga turned a highly dangerous shade of purple.

"What?" he continued innocently. "Is no bad thing. Shampoo like. Very strong," he added, flexing his
arms. "Akane very lucky girl."

"SHUT UP!!!!!" she wailed in embarrassment.

Cologne hopped down the stairs and shook her head in despair. "That's enough, Shampoo."

"Ah, you find?" Shampoo asked hopefully.

Cologne shook her head. "It wasn't in the bathroom anywhere. Are you sure it's not in your pockets?"

Ryoga turned out her pockets. "I don't see it. Maybe you dropped it when you ran into me with your
killer bicycle."

"Amazon Bicycle of Death (tm) is great weapon! You no mock!" Shampoo warned.

Ryoga sent him a look of annoyance. "Who cares? If you dropped this Vice Versa jewel, what do we
do if somebody's run off with it?"

Shampoo froze. "You mean... could be stuck like this?!! Shampoo be TRAPPED as man?!" he
wailed. It was one thing to joke about it, but he didn't want to be a man for the rest of his life! Men
had no standing in his tribe, it was the women who ruled. And even if he stayed in Japan, he'd still be
expected to do man things like enjoy football (or soccer, as Americans call it) and drink bitter and be
macho... and what about Ranma?! How was he supposed to win Ranma when he was stuck as his
worst enemy?! "Agh!"

"I see it sinks in at last," Ryoga commented dryly.

Shampoo grabbed her by the hand and charged out the restaurant. "We find NOW!!!!"

~~~~~

"I can't see it anywhere," Ryoga finally admitted four hours later, sinking to the pavement (sorry,
sorry. Sidewalk.) with a sigh.

Shampoo looked equally dejected. "Is definitely right spot..." he mused.

"Must be. There's the Amazon Bicycle of Doom-"

"Death."

"Bicycle of Death-"

"TM."

Ryoga glanced at him to see if he was trying to be funny, but Shampoo looked too miserable for that.
"Bicycle of Death (tm) is right where we left it," she finished. "So I guess somebody's made off with it."

"How we ever find it?" Shampoo asked.

"Um..." Ryoga wracked her brains for a moment. "We could take out an ad in a newspaper? Beat up
everyone we meet until someone gives us it? Ask Nabiki Tendo?"

Shampoo sat up straight. "You mean Ugly Mallet Girl's sister?" he asked excitedly.

"She knows practically everything that happens in Nerima - she's bound to know where it is," Ryoga
replied, completely missing what Shampoo had just called Akane. "Let's go!"

Shampoo quickly grabbed hold of the back of her collar before she could run. "Tendo Dojo is THIS
way," he informed.

~~~~~

"Nobody must know what's happened - ESPECIALLY not Nabiki," Ryoga warned. "So PLEASE try
to refer to yourself as I. Be nice to Akane... and try to use the door."

"You be nice to Ranma - call Airen," Shampoo lectured. He pointed towards the wall of the Dojo.
"That there is wall of Dojo. In minute, you walk straight through, OK?"

"Got it," Ryoga confirmed, glaring at the wall and cracking her knuckles. Shampoo disappeared.
Seconds later, there was a loud crash and Ryoga winced. *Maybe I should've explained that the door
needs to be OPENED first...* she thought to herself, before straightening up and marching
purposefully towards the wall. "BAKUSAI TENKETSU!!!"

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

"OWW WWW!!!!!!" she howled, dancing around and nursing her bruised finger.

Shampoo poked his head out of the clearing dust and dragged her inside. "Sham- I say walk through
wall, not blow up wall!" he reprimanded.

"So I-Shampoo forget, OK?!" Ryoga hissed in pain. *Ow. Ow. Ow ow ow ow ow.* She meekly
followed Shampoo out of the room and up the stairs to Nabiki's room. And winced as Shampoo
booted the door down.

Nabiki jumped twelve feet into the air. "Shampoo! How many times have I got to tell you how to open
a door?!!!" she snarled.

Shampoo smiled innocently and poked Ryoga in the ribs. She glared at him and stepped forward.
"Nihao. You help Shampoo, is OK?"

Nabiki crossed her arms. "What's this about then? You know it's more for turning a blind eye to your
potions, but I'll still not doing poisons, you got it?"

Ryoga blinked and glanced at Shampoo, who sweatdropped in embarrassment. "Uh... is not that.
Shampoo lose jewel, you know of?"

"What does it look like and what does it do?" the middle Tendo girl asked, retrieving a notepad and
pen. "I'm guessing you accidentally used against Ryoga there, yes?"

Shampoo yiiiied in shock. "Uh... it no magic!" Ryoga babbled quickly. "He here to see Akane!" With
that, she booted Shampoo out of the room and attempted to close the door. "It great Amazon
heirloom, Great-grandmother have Shampoo's head if no can find."

Outside, Shampoo pouted and leaned against the wall. There was no way he was actually going to go
and SPEAK to Akane - he wasn't sure if he'd be able to resist the urge to kill the other girl.
Unconsciously, he thought back to the moment of impact... and snapped his fingers in realisation.

~~~~~

"You mean you haven't see it anywhere?!" Ryoga wailed, forgetting to speak in mock Japanese.

Luckily, Nabiki didn't notice. "I'll certainly keep an eye out for it... for a price."

Ryoga considered that for a moment. "You find, is reward," she decided dismally and mooched out of
the room and down the stairs. If Nabiki didn't know where the jewel was, what hope did she have of
getting back to normal?

Kasumi poked her head around the kitchen door and smiled. "Oh, hello Shampoo. Would you like to
stay for dinner?"

"Shampoo would love stay for dinner," a voice behind her replied quickly. Ryoga turned around and
opened her mouth to disagree. Shampoo shot her a death glance. "Wouldn't she?" he asked through
gritted teeth.

Ryoga gulped. "Shampoo love stay for dinner, Kasumi," she said quickly.

Kasumi smiled sweetly. "Oh good. You'll stay too, won't you Ryoga?"

"Sure," Shampoo replied.

Ryoga waited until Kasumi had vanished before turning on Shampoo. "What did you do that for?!"
she berated. "We have to find that jewel!"

"Shampoo have idea about that," he explained. "Remember you chasing dirty old man when you run
into Shampoo?"

Ryoga blinked. "Oh yeah... I'll bet he took it!" she exclaimed. "In which case, it must be here
somewhere!"

~~~~~

The duo poked their heads around the room Happosai had claimed as his own. "Coast clear,"
Shampoo observed, tip-toeing into the room.

Ryoga followed him, closing the door behind them. "You look over this side, I'll look at..." she
trailed off, her eyes widening at the huge variety of underwear on display. "Maybe I'll stand outside
and keep watch?" she squeaked.

"You hunt too!" Shampoo commanded, rummaging through a pile of stockings.

Ryoga tentatively poked at a pile of mysterious and painful looking lingerie, her face on fire. After a
few moments, she picked something up and blinked. "Shampoo?"

"Yes?"

"How would you wear this?"

Shampoo examined the item of clothing. "I think it go like that?" he said doubtfully, holding it up
against Ryoga. "Shampoo not too sure."

"Oh."

Suddenly the boy let out an exclamation and pounced on a bit of red silk. "These Shampoo's panties!
Shampoo WONDER where they go!" He narrowed his eyes and scanned the huge piles. "Wonder if
my other panties here too...?"

"Hey gramps! You in here?"

Shampoo and Ryoga exchanged a look of horror as Ranma's voice echoed through the door. "Here!"
Shampoo hissed, tossing the crumpled underwear at Ryoga. The girl automatically reached out and
caught them, then blinked in shock and slowly toppled backwards into a heap of bras as her nose
spouted blood, the red panties still clutched firmly in her hand.

Shampoo shook his head. "Hopeless case," he muttered, opening the door. "Ranma! Sh-I get lost! You
show me way to dining room, OK?" he asked, closing the door firmly behind him. "No-one in there."

Ranma looked at him suspiciously, then shrugged. "OK. Follow me, P-Chan."

Shampoo followed him for a second, then doubled back, pretending to get lost. He ran back to
Happosai's room and slung the still-unconscious Ryoga over his shoulder, stuffing the panties into his
pocket before anything else could happen to them.

Ryoga finally woke up. "Hey! Put me down, you loon!"

"You is awake now?" Shampoo turned around slightly as he craned his head to look at her and the top
half of her body smacked into Akane, who had just entered the corridor. "Oops," he said smugly.

Ranma ran out into the corridor as well and skidded to a halt. "Whoa!"

Shampoo immediately dropped Ryoga on her head. "Ranma!"

Ryoga gulped. This was too suspicious by far! She quickly hopped to her feet and flung her arms
around him. "Airen! You take Shampoo on date now, yes?!"

Ranma yeeked and tried to push her away. "No! I-I-I-"

"RANMA NO BAKA!" Akane screamed, squishing him with her mallet.

Ryoga quickly skipped out of the way, suppressing a shudder. *Sooooooo gross! Yuk! I need a bath
now!!!*

~~~~~

"Is it just me, or are Shampoo and Ryoga actin' real weird?" Ranma whispered through a mouthful of
rice.

Akane snorted. "Shampoo is always weird."

Ranma sighed and stared across the table at them. "Yo, Ryoga! Why're ya hangin' round Shampoo all
of a sudden?"

His curiosity intensified as Shampoo quickly whispered something in his ear. "Great-grandmother-"

Poke.

"HER Great-grandmother going to-"

Poke.

"IS going to teach... me," he shot a small glare at Shampoo(Ryoga) and continued. "Some new
techniques to kick your ass. She show me-"

Poke.

"Is going to show me way there."

Ranma exhaled slowly. "Allllll righty then..."

Ryoga groaned under her breath. *I can't believe I'm doing this!* she thought dismally, pasting a
bright smile on her face and glomping Ranma again. "Airen not jealous?" she bubbled cheerfully.

Akane materialised her giant mallet. "Get off him, you bimbo!"

*CRUNCH*

"Oww......"

Shampoo winced sympathetically. "Why Akane do that?" he asked innocently.

"Because... because... because I felt like it, that's why!" Akane snapped.

Shampoo shrugged and crossed his arms. "Fine. Be like that," he muttered, leaning over dragging
Ryoga's face out of her bowl of rice.

As he did so, Ranma noticed the scrap of red silk poking out of his back pocket. "What's that?" he
questioned, grabbing a hold of it.

Shampoo froze.

Akane dropped her chopsticks in shock.

Ryoga began planning the best way in which to kill herself.

Ranma's eyes bugged out. "Now WHO do THESE belong to?!!!!!!!" he gawked, holding the panties
aloft.

Shampoo ever so slowly jerked a thumb in Ryoga's direction. "Hers."

Ryoga fell over backwards. "WHAT?!!!" Then she quickly regained her composure. "Uh..
ahehehehehe!!! Shampoo lend Lost Boy panties, for trap we lay for old pervert man," she lied quickly.
She jumped to her feet and dragged Shampoo out of the room, slamming the door behind her. "This is
getting far too messy!" she snarled. "We haven't got time to play around, we have to find that jewel
and we have to find it now!"

Shampoo looked highly embarrassed. "Shampoo agree," he muttered.

Meanwhile, Akane and Ranma shared equally shocked expressions. "Do you think something's...
going on between those two?" Akane said slowly.

Ranma looked at the panties. "Shampoo and Ryoga?! Seems impossible... but if he's got her
UNDERWEAR..."

They quietly crawled over to the door and slid it open. The voices of the other two could still be heard
quite clearly.

"......How could you do that to me?!"

"What I supposed to do, say they Akane's?! I sorry!"

"They're going to guess for sure now! Of all the stupid, idiotic, brain-dead twits..."

Ranma quietly closed the door and leaned against it. "Oh. My. God."

Akane rubbed her head. "Ryoga... and Shampoo. I would've though he had more sense!"

Ranma shook his head, looking dazed. "Ryoga and Shampoo. I think I'm going to faint!"

~~~~~

Unfortunately, Happosai had returned from his daily undie raid, and was happily humming as he
ironed his new booty.

"Now what do we do?" Ryoga hissed, peeping through the window. "We can't search the room if he's
in there!"

Shampoo sighed. "Remember, we no even certain he HAVE jewel," he reminded.

"Whu... well how are we supposed to find out?!" Ryoga snarled. "We can't just ASK him - if he has
it and he knew we wanted it, he'd be a lot more reluctant to actually let us have it!"

Shampoo thought for a second. "Curses!" he exclaimed, snapping his fingers.

Ryoga looked puzzled. "What? Like 'foiled again' you mean?" she asked in confusion.

"No! Our curses!" Shampoo explained. "We is both small enough to explore, no get seen," he pointed
out.

"You mean actually go in there while he's in there too?! Are you cra-"

*SPLASH*

"Meow!" Ryoga shook her fur off and glared at him. Shampoo grinned and tossed her through the
window, before following shortly as P-Chan.

Neither of them would notice a few seconds later as Ranma walked past the window, caught sight of
the crumpled clothing, glanced towards the nearby bushes and instantly fled back into the building.

The second she hit the ground, Ryoga dived for cover under a pile of bras, which luckily blended in
with her fur. Shampoo crept along the back wall, nicely hidden in the shadows and made his was
towards a pile of boxes that looked mysteriously enticing.

"Bu-kii." (Shampoo search over here, you search underwear over there.)

"Mrowww..." (Do I HAVE to...)

"Bwee bu-bu-kii!" (Yes! Cat fur no be spotted like black pigskin will! Go!)

With a high show of reluctance, Ryoga pawed through the vast fields of female undergarments, trying
very hard not to look closely at any of it. Shampoo carefully jumped up onto a pile of boxes and
peeped inside. "Kwee buki!" (Aha!)

"Prow?" (What?)

"Oink oink kwee!" (These Shampoo's panties too!)

Happosai narrowed his eyes and spun around. "Hey! Get away from my silky treasures!" he yelled,
leaping towards Shampoo. Ryoga quickly retreated back under the lingerie, wincing as a box bounced
to the floor millimetres from her nose as Shampoo bounced off the wall, rebounded against another
box and streaked for cover. He wasn't fast enough however, and Happosai managed to snag him by
the bandanna. He glared at him then walked over to the door. "Much as I know you want to retrieve
your mistress's panties, there's no way I'm letting you into my inner sanctum!" he scolded, throwing
Shampoo out of the door.

Shampoo bounced several times and shook his head to get his bearings. Then with an irate 'bwee', he
charged back... and bounced off the wood. *(Expletive)(Expletive)(Censored)old man!*

"P-Chan! Where have you been, sweetie?"

A strong grip encased the piglet and lifted him through the air, before he was smushed against
Akane's chest with gruesome force. Shampoo bweeed frantically and tried to escape, but this only
made Akane tighten her grip. His eyes bugged out comically. "P-Chan? What's the matter, baby?"

Ranma entered the hallway, feeling dazed. "Oh man. I need a drink!" he muttered under his breath,
massaging his temples. He stopped short, blinking in surprise and Akane struggled to keep her grip
on the squirming P-Chan - he'd never seen the pig so eager to be out of her clutches before.

Darting forward, he plucked Shampoo out of Akane's vice-like grip. "Maybe P-Chan would like a
bath," he said cheerfully.

Akane nodded slowly. "OK. Let me go get my bath things-"

"NO!" Ranma quickly lowered his voice. "No, that's OK. I'll do it - why don't you uh... make some
food for him?" he suggested.

Akane didn't bother to wonder why Ranma was suggesting she cook when he always stated his
opinion that her cooking was more suitable for germ warfare. Her happy cooking face switched on
and she nodded cheerfully. "OK! I'll make a snack for all of us!" she exclaimed, skipping towards the
kitchen.

Ranma shuddered and glared at P-Chan. "You had better be soooooo grateful!"

~~~~~

Ryoga tried not to make the slightest sound as Happosai closed the window and scanned the room
intently. *Just go away, you dirty old freak!* she groaned inwardly. *Go watch a swimsuit
competition, or grope Ranma or steal Akane's panties, but just go away!*

Then she saw it. The box that had fallen had spilled open, scattering it's contents on the floor. And
there, glittering enticingly with rings, earrings, brooches, bracelets and necklaces was the... Vice
Versa jewel. So close. But yet so far... if she left the cover of the pastel panties, she'd be spotted. *But
the jewel...* her mind moaned.

Ryoga made up her mind. In a white and pink blur, she darted forward...

...And flew through the door, aided by Happosai's pipe.

*Well that didn't work,* she thought with a slight scowl. The feeling of elation at actually having
found the jewel didn't go though. *Time to re-group and come up with another plan.*

~~~~~

Ranma tossed the pig into the water and sat back. Shampoo emerged from the water with a gasp.
"What you want, Ranma?" he asked suspiciously, crossing his arms.

Ranma sighed. "Look, man... I just wanted to say-"

"Meow!"

Before Ranma could go into screaming heebie-jeebies 'It's a CAT!' mode, Ryoga jumped into the
water. "I found it!" she screamed happily.

Shampoo gaped, then gave a yell of delight. "You find it?! Hurrah!" He hugged her happily.

"What can I say? I'm the best!" Ryoga grinned modestly. After a moment, her grin drained away and
she turned slowly to see Ranma gazing at them both with glazed eyes. "Uh... Airen! You have bath
with Shampoo, yes?!" she squealed, launching herself at him.

Ranma yelped and skitted backwards, before trying to pry her off. Finally, Ryoga retreated back to the
bathtub. "Look, I know. You don't have to pretend any more."

Shampoo and Ryoga exchanged glances, then looked slowly back at him. "What... what Ranma
know?" Shampoo asked.

"I know about you two. I guessed." Ranma crossed his arms. "So you don't hafta keep grabbin' at me
if it's just for show."

Ryoga looked stricken. "Please, PLEASE don't tell anyone!" she begged.

"I promise I won't tell," Ranma agreed. "So I guess... I'll go now," he finished, dashing out of the
room.

Ryoga groaned, then bopped Shampoo over the head. "I TOLD you he'd guess!" she snarled.

Shampoo hit her back. "Why you blame Shampoo?!"

"Cause it's your fault!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is... who care?!" Shampoo jumped out of the tub. "Time for blame is not now - we find jewel."

~~~~~

The ceiling hatch slid away and Shampoo and Ryoga peered down into the room below. "There it is,"
Ryoga whispered, pointing it out.

Shampoo nodded curtly. "So I grab panties and run, you grab jewel while he chase," he confirmed.
With that all instructed, he hopped down and snatched at a bra. "Old man! Nya nya!"

Happosai dropped his iron and leapt to his feet. "You- you- how dare you?!" he snarled, battle aura
raging.

Shampoo poked his tongue out and darted towards the door. Immediately, Ryoga jumped into the
room, grabbed the jewel and went for Shampoo's traditional no-doors approach...

And knocked herself out.

Shampoo stopped long enough to groan, before being thrown into orbit, Ryoga close behind. Happosai
brushed his hands off. "Feh. Knew those reinforced walls would come in handy. Now let's see what it
was that pretty l'il Shampoo tried to steal from me," he muttered, picking through the mess on the
floor. "Now was from the Temple of Eight..." he muttered, scooping up a pendant and popping it into
a box. "And this... this was from the Sacred Order of the Elks... this is the brooch of the Virgin
Goddess of the Northern Lights... that was an offering to the Goddess Aphrodite... that was a free
gift with 'J17' magazine..." He picked up the Vice Versa jewel and glanced at it. "Ah, now this was
it!" A bone-fide evil smirk crossed his face. "Amazon jewellery, eh? I'll just see how important this is
to her... hehehehe!!!!"

Tension Building Interval!

User: "I want to send an email, how do I do it from WordPerfect?"

Tech: "Do you have an email program?"

Cust: "No."

Tech: "Are you on a network?"

User: "No."

Tech: "Do you have a modem?"

User: "No."

Tech: "Then you can't send an email"

User: "This program is useless! How am I going to send an email!?"

Tech: "Well if you push the send button a small door will open at the back of your monitor and a pigeon will fly out with your message."

End of Tension Building Interval!

~~~~~

The two airborne teens flew through Tokyo airspace before crashing down to earth some way away
from the Tendo Dojo - and the Nerima district for that matter. After taking a few seconds to let the
stars in front of his eyes fade away, Shampoo sat up and carefully counted his bruises. Then he leaned
over and shook Ryoga by the shoulder. "Get up!"

Ryoga groaned. "Can't. Hurts. Ouch."

*Baby.* Shampoo glared at her. "Can move?"

"I can move my eyes."

Shampoo hauled her unceremoniously to her feet. "We go back before it night," he said with
determination.

"We don't try and use the wall," Ryoga added, rubbing her shoulder. "Got any more plans?"

Shampoo thought for a second. "Have one..."

~~~~~

"Happi!"

Happosai turned around and gazed at Shampoo. "How sweet of you to keep an old man company!!"

Ryoga quickly squished him before he could latch onto her chest. "Happi help Shampoo, yes? Happi
know of special brooch of Shampoo's, very precious to Shampoo. If Happi give back, Shampoo be
very grateful," she purred, undoing her top button. "VERY grateful."

"Oh Shampoo!" Happosai breathed in lust. "What kind of brooch?"

"Is yin-yang symbol in emerald and ruby. Very precious to Shampoo," she repeated.

Happosai grinned happily. Oh this was his lucky day! To have Miss Mammaries (ask the fanboys, not
me!) to blackmail! All he had to do was play his cards right... "Uh...... wait here!" He burrowed
among some sweet wrappers and quickly wrapped a bit of silver foil around coloured cellophane.
"Here it is!" he exclaimed triumphantly, letting the gleam of red, green and silver catch her eyes.

*Yes! Good-bye girl!!* Ryoga thought happily extending a hand out.

Happosai covered the 'jewel' protectively. "Ah, ah, ah! First, my reward!"

"Aw jeez..." Ryoga groaned, then reluctantly pulled her shirt over her head. "Ta da!"

"HOTCHA!!"

"Now!" Shampoo yelled.

Immediately, Ryoga jumped aside and caught the old man in the cloth. "Gotcha! Now gimme that
brooch!"

"Too slow, Shampoo sweetie!" Happosai hooted from behind her and waved the real jewel in the air.

Ryoga shook out the shirt and a stuffed penguin rolled out. "Why you sneaky little- HEY! Gimme
back that shirt!!!"

"Nyahahaha!!! Come and get it, sweet stuff!" Happosai taunted before fleeing out of the door.

Shampoo immediately jumped out of his hiding place. "Quick! We go after him!" he ordered,
dragging Ryoga out of the room as well, who was frantically trying to cover herself up with her free
arm.

Luck was (sort-of) with them tonight. "Yo gramps! Where're you off ta in such a hurry?" Ranma
asked, stomping on his head.

"THANK you, Ranma!" Ryoga snarled, snarled, snatching back her shirt and quickly buttoning it up.

*I'm not gonna ask!* Ranma wisely decided. Instead, he stood back and watched Shampoo and Ryoga
trample the old man into the ground.

After beating the old man to a pulp, Shampoo dived for the scrap of silver in his hand. His face
contorted in rage. "This FAKE!!!"

"WHAT?!!!" Ryoga grabbed the scrap of sweet wrappers and simmered. "How DARE he?!!!" She
grabbed the old man by the throat and shook him. "Where's the real brooch?!!"

"Here," Happosai replied with a grin, tapping a bit of ash out of his pipe as he leaned casually against
the wall behind them and tossing the jewel in the air.

"Quick! Grab it!" Shampoo ordered, pouncing towards him. Happosai evaded him easily and
snickered loudly as the young man slammed heavily into Ryoga's head.

"Oooh... pretty stars..." Ryoga burbled, her eyes little spirals.

"Tell me what the jewel does and I'll give it back!" Happosai ordered.

Shampoo frowned. "You promise?" he asked slowly.

Happosai instantly started with the Bambi-eyes. "Of COURSE I promise! Would I lie?"

"It no do anything," Ryoga lied, sitting up. "It just look pretty." She rubbed her head. "Lost-Boy have
head like lump of granite," she grumbled.

"No blame me, is your head!" Shampoo hissed.

Happosai considered her answer. "Well... I believe you," he sighed, holding out the brooch. Shampoo
and Ryoga reached out, eyes shining... "NOT! Nyahahaha!!!! Catch me if you can!!!!"

"Agh! Give that back, you little mutant freak of nature!!!!"

Ranma blinked. "Do my ears deceive me, or did Shampoo really say that?" he whispered to Akane,
who was watching the events with a glazed look on her face.

"I believe it was- oh, there goes another window," she sighed.

~~~~~

Happosai ran along the chain link that ran along the side of the canal, laughing hysterically as he
expertly jumped over the parts various people had hit/ kicked/ been thrown into/ blown up. There was
nothing quite like irritating youngsters who should know better! "Kids today, you've got no speed!"
he hooted.

"OK, that it. Drastic time means drastic measures," Shampoo growled through gritted teeth.

"Like what?" Ryoga hissed back.

"Like this!" Shampoo grabbed her by the collar and in one swift movement, ripped the front of her
shirt open and kicking her into the air.

"HEY!" Ryoga objected, spinning through the air and landing on the fence in front of Happosai.
"What was that... for... ahhh..." she finished, realising what Shampoo meant as the old man
screeched to a halt, his jaw dragging along the floor. "Yoo hoo, Happi! Happi like what Happi sees?"
she asked innocently, bouncing up and down.

"Glrggh... hrggh..." Happosai wheezed, trying to get his tongue to fit back into his mouth.

Ryoga inched forward and snatched the jewel from his hand. "YAY!!! YATTA!!!" she squealed,
running away, closely followed by a cheering Shampoo.

Lightning began to strike the ground around Happosai. "Why you rotten, cheating little... HAPPO
FIRE BURST!!!!"

Shampoo glanced back. "Ah! He use firework! RUN FOR IT!!!!"

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

~~~~~

Ryoga opened her eyes, instantly regretting it as sharp pain shot through her skull. "Ow..." she
winced, screwing her eyes shut and pressing her fingers against her temples. Then her eyes flew open.
"Where's the JEWEL!!"

Shampoo sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes. "Ryoga right. Have head like big rock," he grumbled.
Then stared at his companion.

"AIYAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"WE'RE US AGAIN!!!!!!!!"

Ryoga leapt to his feet and quickly checked that all limbs were present and correct, all luxury extras
were still included before Shampoo grabbed hold of his hands and spun him around happily.
"Shampoo so happy!"

"You might want to do up your shirt now though."

"Yeep!" The girl quickly spun around and hastily buttoned up her shirt.

Red, green and silver glimmered on the ground below. "What should we do with this?" Ryoga
questioned.

"Throw it in canal?" Shampoo suggested.

"Sounds good to me!"

From out of the dust-cloud resulting from the Happo Fire Burst, it's creator emerged. "No! Give it to
me!" Happosai hissed, making a leap for them.

"Look out!" Shampoo warned. Grabbing hold of Ryoga's arm, she stepped backwards... through a
broken part of the fence... into the canal! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

Happosai gazed down into the water, which had recovered from the impact and was now stubbornly
unbroken. "Oh well," he shrugged, turning and walking away. "Probably wasn't important anyway."

A little way away, a pig and a cat dragged themselves out of the water.

~~~~~

Cologne pogoed over to a table, depositing two orders of shrimp ramen. Turning to go back to the
kitchen, a small movement caught her eye.

"Mew."

"Ah, great-granddaughter! Did you get the..." The sentence remained unfinished and her eyes grew
even wider (even though it is most peoples belief that this is impossible) at the two creatures in front
of her.

A pink pig.

A black cat.

Blinking wildly for a few seconds, she quickly regained her composure, scooped them both up and ran
upstairs to the bathroom, pausing only to tell Mousse to keep an eye on things. (No pun intended.)
After hot water hat filled the tub, she tossed them into the water and sat back. "NOW which one of
you is Shampoo?!"

"Is me," the girl replied, raising her hand.

"Where's the jewel?"

"In the canal," Ryoga answered.

Cologne pondered the answer for a moment, before asking another question. "Shampoo. Are you a pig
or a cat...?"

"Um... pig," she muttered.

"Oh dear..." The old woman closed her eyes for a second, then reached a decision. "Don't worry, my
child. We'll find it and turn you back to your old form-"

"Are you kidding?!!" Shampoo burst, a wide grin crossing her face. "Is best thing that ever happen to
Shampoo!"

"Hng?!!!"

"Yeah, forget it old lady! There's no way I'm being a pig again!" Ryoga responded hotly. "Now I
don't have to worry about P-Chan's secret ever again!"

"And Ranma no have to hate Shampoo if she no turn into scary cat!!!"

Cologne gawked as the two teenagers cheered happily and hugged each other in glee. "All righty
then..."

~~~~~

Two days later...

"Meow."

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! CATCATCATCATCAT!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!"

Shampoo tutted lightly and poured a kettle of water over the little black cat. Ryoga wrapped a towel
around himself (booo!) and grinned. "I love my curse!!!"

Nabiki sauntered into the room. "Hey Ryoga. Nice buns. Love that towel outfit. Shampoo, you
remember that jewel you asked me to keep an eye out for?"

Shampoo glanced at her. "Hmm?"

"Well I found it!" The elder girl pulled a wrapped package out of her pocket and unrolled the green,
red and silver brooch... and raised her eyebrows in surprise as what could only be described as horror
flooded the faces of the other two, seconds before they ran screaming out of the room, passing Ranma
as they did, who glanced at Ryoga's very nice towel outfit and wisely decided not to ask. Nabiki
shrugged and put the brooch back into her pocket. "Oh well," she sighed, walking out of the room...

*WHAM*

"Hey, watch where you're going, Panda-man!"

The End!...?

Hmm. Well, that's what happens when work gets to boring to 'concentrate' on and you left the disk
with your other fanfic on at home.