Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ The Faculty 1/2 ❯ Chapter 1

The Faculty
by Chris Vegvary

Hinako: "Delinquint!"

She drained another student of his energy. Nothing big, not around Nerima anyway.

Ranma and Akane left the scene, not wanting to stick around long enough for Miss Hinako to spot them and probably drain them as well. Once the school was empty and all the students had gone home, Miss Hinako went to her car. She felt her pockets for the keys. *Damn it!* she thought. *I must've left them inside.* She walked back to the door and entered the school. She went back to her classroom and opened the door. The lights were off and the room was dark. She went forward to her desk and felt around for the keys. Her hand brushed across something wet. She drew her hand back and inspected it. It was only water. However, Miss Hinako could hear something squirming around on the desk. It was too dark to see, so she couldn't tell what it was. Her eyes wandered the room briefly and her gaze was held on the window. It was broken, a big, rock-sized hole in it. She bent closer to the desk to see what was moving. There was a small snapping sound, like teeth, and suddenly Miss Hinako felt something latch onto the side of her head. She cried out and fell backwards, trying to pull whatever was attacking off of her. It was too strong though, even for a creature its size. It had coils wrapped around her head, holding it firmly in place. She felt it sink into her ear with a sharp pain. Soon, she was convulsing and then suddenly fell still. Her eyes opened, half-lidded, and she stood up. She smiled as she took her keys and left the school.

* * * * *

THE NEXT DAY...

Ranma walked along the top of the fence as usual while Akane used the sidewalk. They were once again on their way to school. They had been arguing and Ranma wanted to get the last word in as usual.

Ranma: "You know, if you put half as much energy into looking pretty as you do into being macho..."

He didn't get to finish because Akane kicked the fence, causing it to wobble. Ranma lost his balance and fell into the water below. She sputtered out of the water and climbed up to a drainage pipe. She was about to yell an insult to Akane, but something in the drain caught her eye. She reached out and grabbed a small thing, she had no idea what it was. It felt like flesh in her hand.

Ranma: "Akane! Come here!"

* * * * *

Ranma and Akane walked into the science lab. Mister Tamazura greeted them and asked why they had come. Ranma handed him the thing he found in the drain. Ukyo entered the room, followed by Shampoo.

Ukyo: "Ranma, I've been looking everywhere for you! I made you a nice lunch!"

Shampoo: "Husband no eat Spatula Girl's disgusting lunch! You eat ramen Shampoo bring, yes?"

Ranma: "Sorry, girls, but can this wait? I need to find something out."

Tamazura: "Let's check this out."

He set the thing onto a small glass rectangle and slid it under a microscope. He looked through the view holes. Meanwhile, Shampoo and Ukyo were arguing about whose lunch Ranma was going to eat.

Tamazura: "Very interesting...this looks like some kind of--"

Shampoo and Ukyo had gotten physical and crashed into Mister Tamazura's desk, knocking a beaker of water onto the microscope, drenching the thing. It began to twitch and squirm. The two girls stopped fighting and stared at it, as did Ranma and Akane and the teacher. Mister Tamazura took the glass out from under the microscope and walked over to a fish tank with it. He dropped the thing into the tank and watched as it started to sink.

Akane: "Couldn't that kill it?"

Tamazura: "I think it's amphibious...I guess we'll find out."

To everyone's amazement, the thing began to swim around. Little red coils broke through its skin from the top and bottom of it. They all stared into the tank, gasping as it split in two, replicating itself. Another change began to take place. Three jointed spikes came out of either side of their mouths and hooked onto their faces. They pulled back the skin, revealing small mouths with razor-sharp teeth.

Tamazura: "I'm going to send these critters to the university. Maybe they know what these things are."

* * * * *

After his fight with Kuno, Ranma noticed that something fell out of his robe. Picking it up, Ranma saw that it was a pen filled with white powder.

Ranma: "Drugs? Kuno..."

Kuno was unconscious at the moment. What could Ranma do? He decided it would be wrong for him to turn Kuno in. Instead, he pocketed the pen and left for home. Meanwhile, inside the boy's locker room, Gosunkugi was packing his gym clothes into his backpack when he was suddenly thrown against the lockers by two football players. One of them spun him around to face him.

Gosunkugi: "Ow! Uh...can I help you?"

Loki: "Yeah. Gimme those pens you've been selling."

Gosunkugi reached into his right pocket and pulled out four pens filled with white powder and handed them to Loki. Loki handed them to the other jock, Miko.

Loki: "This all you got?"

Gosunkugi nodded wearily.

Miko: "Busy day, huh, twerp?"

He opened one of the lockers and Loki stuffed Gosunkugi inside. Once he was in there, they slammed the door shut and laughed. Gosunkugi groaned and peered through the three slits in the top. He could see the jocks pointing at him and laughing. A loud bang shut them up, and their faces turned serious.

Loki: "What the fuck was that?"

They looked around, wondering where the sound came from. Miss Hinako's voice suddenly drifted to their ears.

Hinako: "Boys, boys, boys...don't you know drugs are bad for you?"

She was standing at the end of the lockers, Coach Inawa standing next to her.

Miko: "Hey, this is the boys' locker room!"

The two teachers walked over to them. Coach Inawa held out his hand.

Inawa: "The drugs."

Miko handed them to him with a frustrated sigh. Gosunkugi was quietly watching through the slits in the locker. The coach suddenly grabbed Miko by the head with both hands and threw him to the floor. Loki tried to run, but Miss Hinako shoved him hard into the lockers. He let out a grunt and fell. Inawa was on top of Miko, pinning him to the floor. He turned Miko's head sideways and his eyes rolled into the back of his head. Miko screamed, looking out the corner of his eye, at the sight of Inawa's face and neck as his veins were popping out. His mouth opened and out shot a creature, right into Miko's ear. His screams were silent. Loki stood up and looked at the two teachers, not believing what just happened. A second later, Miko shot up next to them, staring darkly at his former friend.

Loki: "Fuck ME!"

He turned around and began to sprint away. Red coils shot out of Miss Hinako's mouth and wrapped around Loki's head. He continued to run as the coils retracted, taking his head off with them. His legs gave out after a moment and his body fell, blood shooting from his neck like a geyser. Gosunkugi was too terrified to move or breathe. He watched as they gathered up Loki's body and decapitated head and left. Gosunkugi pulled up on the inside handle, releasing the lock. He stepped out and took off out the door and headed for home.

* * * * *

Ranma, Akane, Shampoo, Ukyo, Kuno, and Gosunkugi were in the science lab. It was empty except for them and they were wondering why they were here listening to Gosunkugi when they should be in class.

Ranma: "So what was it that was so important, Gos?"

Gosunkugi: "Just listen, Saotome. I know this is going to sound crazy, but...I think our teachers are aliens."

Ukyo: "That doesn't sound crazy, coming from you."

Kuno: "You brought us here to tell us that? Why do you think such things, Gosunkugi?"

Gosunkugi: "Yesterday, in the locker room, I saw Miss Hinako and Coach Inawa kill two people. They turned Miko into an alien and they killed Loki."

Shampoo: "How they do that?"

Gosunkugi: "I don't know...the coach did...something...to Miko. I saw it all. Then Miss Hinako ripped Loki's head off with these red things that came out of her mouth!"

Akane: "Wait a minute...were they coils? Red coils?"

Gosunkugi: "Yeah. How did you know?"

Ranma: "That thing we found yesterday..."

Kuno: "Thing? I do not understand."

Ukyo: "Yesterday, Ranma found something in a drainage pipe. Mister Tamazura thinks it's a new species."

Shampoo: "Maybe they aliens. That explain why they not here now."

Akane: "No, Mister Tamzura might've already sent them to the university."

Ranma: "No way. It would take at least a couple days for them to do anything about this, even if it IS important."

Ukyo: "Then...where are they?"

Shampoo: "It was joke. Shampoo no believe in aliens."

Kuno: "I agree with her."

Ranma: "What if it's true?"

The door swung open and Mister Tamazura stepped in holding a bottle of water. He saw the group standing there around the aquarium and set the bottle on his desk and approached them, smiling.

Tamazura: "What are you kids doing here? Shouldn't you be in class?"

Shampoo: "Listen this one...Ranma and Gosunkugi here think you are an alien."

His smile faded. He walked to the other door and pulled down the shade.

Tamazura: "Really..."

Kuno: "The whole faculty, in truth."

Mister Tamazura turned around and faced them, walking closer, his gaze fixed on Ranma.

Tamazura: "Is this true? Ranma?"

Ranma: "Mister Tamazura, where are those things I found yesterday?"

Tamazura: "I sent them to the university."

The group looked at each other, then back to Tamazura.

Akane: "Do they know what it is?"

He shrugged. Kuno began to leave, walking by Tamazura.

Kuno: "I must attend class now, so--"

Tamazura grabbed his arm and held tight.

Tamazura: "Kindly take your seat."

Before Kuno knew it, he was launched across the room. Ranma went in to attack and threw a punch at the teacher. Tamazura dodged it and grabbed Ranma by the neck, throwing him into the others. Kuno leapt from the floor into the air and swung his bokken, slicing off Tamazura's hand. Tamazura used his remaining hand to strike Kuno, knocking him down. Again, Ranma tried to attack the teacher but was thrown onto the lab table. From Tamazura's severed wrist came long red coils. He held Ranma down and opened his mouth, a parasite coming out. Ranma reached into his pocket and took the cap off the pen he had taken from Kuno, driving it into Tamazura's right eye. The parasite dropped to the ground and Tamazura clutched at his face, screaming. Standing upright again, he saw Akane's foot coming at his face. Her foot slammed into the pen, driving it into his brain.

Gosunkugi: "Uh, for all intensive purposes, he should be dead--"

Ukyo: "--but he's not!"

Tamazura stood upright, glaring at them with his one good eye. He began to walk towards them again but he stopped suddenly. A white, foamy substance began to shoot out of the pen. Tamazura began convulsing and screaming, and he fell back, rolling over a table. Ranma took a scalpel from a nearby cabinet and went over to Tamazura's body. He was definitly dead.

Ranma: "Now he's dead."

Gosunkugi: "Now what?"

Kuno: "Saotome...where did you get that pen?"

Ranma: "I think you know where I got it, Kuno. Question is, where did YOU get it?"

Kuno bowed his head slightly and looked at Gosunkugi. Ranma looked at him, too.

Ranma: "What the hell was in there?"

Gosunkugi: "Scat. My own recipe...guarenteed to jack you up."

Shampoo: "Kuno taking drugs? Gosunkugi selling them? Teachers turning into aliens?"

Ukyo: "She's right. You guys could be aliens. After all, this is a side of you two we've never seen until now."

Gosunkugi: "Trust me, I'm no alien. Let's just go back to my house and get some more scat. I have a feeling we're going to need a lot more."

Before they left, Gosunkugi scooped the dead parasite off the floor and into a jar, closing the lid. Ranma led the group to the door. He turned back to them.

Ranma: "Try to stay cool. Act normal."

They left the room and walked down the hallways. Students stared at them as they walked by. There was a long line of people leading into the nurse's office. Ranma noticed, but didn't stop walking. Once they were out of the school, they followed Gosunkugi to his house. On the way, Ranma caught sight of Ryoga wandering around.

Ranma: "Ryoga!"

Ryoga turned, seeing the group. He ran over to them.

Ryoga: "What's going on? Everyone's acting...weird."

Akane: "Listen, come with us. We'll explain it all on the way."

* * * * *

Once they reached Gosunkugi's house, they had informed Ryoga of the day's events. He was a little skeptical, of course. Gosunkugi led them to a small outside garage.

Ranma: "Where are your parents?"

Gosunkugi: "I've never really had parents."

There was a large table, a chemical lab on top of it. There were stacks of scat-filled pens. Ranma, Akane, Ryoga, and Kuno sat on the couch. Shampoo sat in a chair on the opposite side of the room, facing Ukyo in her chair. Gosunkugi sat at the lab table, inspecting the parasite through a microscope. He took a pair of tweezers and picked it up. Opening a nerby mouse cage with a white labrat inside, Gosunkugi set the parasite down inside, next to the rat. It seemed uninterested.

Gosunkugi: "Nothing's happening. Nikki's not reacting to it."

Ranma looked around and spotted a tube full of water. He grabbed it and went over to the cage pouring a drop on the parasite. The rat, Nikki, immediately began to sniff the parasite. Suddenly, red coils shot out of it and wrapped around Nikki's head. She shrieked as it slid into her ear, taking over her brain. After a second, she began cleaning herself and sat in a corner of the cage, staring straight ahead. Ranma reached in and snapped her neck, quick and easy. There was a snap and Gosunkugi stared at him.

Gosunkugi: "How did you know about the water?"

Ranma: "It's just like the thing I found yesterday. It was dead until Shampoo and Ukyo spilled water on it."

Gosunkugi disected the mouse and pulled out the again dead parasite. He set it down on a tray.

Gosunkugi: "It's amphibious. But it needs something moist to survive. It dried out Nikki's insides. They need a lot of fluids."

Ryoga: "That's why I saw everyone drinking water."

Gosunkugi: "This partially explains what happened to Mister Tamazura."

He took a penful of scat and dumped it on the parasite. The parasite let out a small squeal and melted instantly.

Gosunkugi: "It dries it out."

Ranma: "Kills it."

Akane: "We have to do something."

Ukyo: "Like what? We don't even know what we're up against."

Ryoga: "Ukyo's right. Scat kills the aliens, but...there's no way we can get enough to stop them all."

Gosunkugi: "Actually, I have a theory..."

Ranma: "Let's hear it."

Gosunkugi: "My theory is that all the people who are aliens now or will eventually be were attacked by small parasites. They're part of a greater organism, a collective."

Kuno: "Like a really BIG parasite?"

Gosunkugi: "Exactly. A queen. If we kill the queen, the parasites should die too."

Shampoo: "What about infected people? They just die?"

Gosunkugi: "No, they would become human again...but that is, in theory."

Ryoga: "Look at us. How can we tell who's alien and who's not? How do I know Ranma's really Ranma?"

Ranma: "How do we know you're really you?"

Ryoga: "When do you ever just suddenly 'find' a new species that just happens to be a mind-controlling alien?"

Ranma: "I guess you forgot that we just found you wandering around out there. How do we know you haven't been attacked?"

Kuno: "We are accomplishing nothing."

Ranma: "You're right, you're right...I've got a way to do this."

He stood up and went over to the stacks of scat. He took one and looked at the others.

Ranma: "This stuff kills them. Take a hit, then we'll see who's alien and who's not."

He handed the first one to Gosunkugi. The others watched him warily. He took off the cap and held the pen up to his nose, inhaling all of the scat. His eyes went wide and he shook his head to clear it. He sat down on the couch. Ryoga darted up.

Ryoga: "You, too, Ranma."

Ranma: "First you."

He handed Ryoga a pen and Ryoga inhaled all the scat, sitting back down, feeling light-headed. Gosunkugi was giggling uncontrollibly. Soon, Ryoga was, too. Ranma took another pen and inhaled the scat. Nothing happened to him, but he suddenly felt extremely weird. He shook it off and handed one to Akane. She shook her head.

Akane: "No way. I don't do drugs."

Ranma: "You don't have any choice, Akane. Aliens are taking over the world."

She took the pen from him. She closed her eyes tightly as she inhaled the drug. Ranma handed one to Kuno. Kuno took the drug, too. Nothing happened. He handed a pen to Shampoo next. She stared at it, then at Ukyo, then at Ryoga, Gosunkugi, and Ranma. The three of them were laughing uncontrollibly. Ranma calmed down and handed a pen to Ukyo. She took it and met Shampoo's gaze, holding the open pen up to her nose. After a few moments, Ukyo tipped her head back and inhaled the dust and Shampoo hurled her pen across the room, drawing back and covering her face with her arms while screaming. Everyone immediately sobered up and stared at Shampoo. Ranma stood up and approached her.

Ranma: "Shampoo?"

He grabbed her arm and spun her around. He could see little parasites skittering around underneath her face. She slowly stood up, glaring darkly at Ranma.

Ranma: "Oh, shit--"

Shampoo cried out and struck Ranma in the chest, sending him over the couch. Ryoga grabbed a golf club and swung it at her. She ducked it and punched Ryoga in the nose, sending him reeling backwards. Kuno went to strike at her midsection, but she jumped over Kuno's head and landed behind him. She ran right through the door, breaking a large hole in the wall. A car was parked in front of the house. The others came running out of the garage in time to see Shampoo roll over the hood of the car and slide through the open window into the passenger's seat. Before the driver took off, Ranma strained to see who it was. The car sped off down the road.

Ranma: "That was Mousse!"

Ukyo: "I should've known."

Ryoga: "Don't worry, Ranma. We'll get her back."

Gosunkugi: "Goddammit! She destroyed my supply. We only have a few pens left."

They went back to the garage. It was a total mess. Gosunkugi piled all the scat he could get into a jar.

Kuno: "We only need enough to kill the queen, right? Then everything's back to normal."

Gosunkugi: "Yeah, I think so."

Ranma: "But where is she?"

Ryoga: "Isn't there a game at the school tonight?"

Akane: "Bingo. I'll bet it's Miss Hinako."

Ranma: "Wait, wait...before we go back to the school, let's go to Akane's house. I wanna see if everyone's all right."

* * * * *

They arrived at the Tendo House in a few minutes. Opening the door, Kasumi burst out through it. She grabbed onto Ranma.

Kasumi: "Ranma, you have to do something! They've gone insane!"

Ranma looked through the open door and saw Genma, Soun, and Nabiki walking towards them, their faces completely devoid of emotion.

Ryoga: "Shit! Let's get the hell out of here!"

They all turned and ran towards the school. Once outside, Nabiki, Soun, and Genma stopped and watched the group run off. Turning around slowly, they went back inside.

* * * * *

Kuno: "It is not safe to wander the streets. Therefore, we will go to my mansion and take my car."

Gosunkugi: "Oh, wow, you have a car, Kuno? How come you never drive it?"

Kuno: "I, uh...don't know how."

Ukyo: "Then what's the point--"

Akane: "I can drive it. I took driver's ed last year."

Gosunkugi suddenly turned to Kasumi and handed her the jar of scat.

Gosunkugi: "Don't let anything happen to this, ok?"

She nodded and held it tight. A disturbing thought entered Ranma's head: *What if Akane drives as bad as she fights? Or worse, what if she drives as bad as she cooks?!* He pushed the thought out of his mind. Akane wouldn't get them into an accident. Right now, they were possibly the last humans left in Nerima. Before Ranma even knew it, they were at Kuno's mansion. They went through the gate and up the driveway. Opening the front door, Kuno led them inside and over to the mantle above the fireplace. Sitting on it were the keys to the car and an American made gun. Gosunkugi eyed the gun and grabbed it after Kuno began leading everyone towards the garage. Once in, Kuno tossed the keys to Akane. Ukyo, Gosunkugi, Ryoga, Kuno, and Kasumi piled into the spacious back while Ranma sat shotgun. Kuno went over to the back door and was about to slide in when the garage side door opened. In stepped Kodachi and Principal Kuno.

Kodachi: "Where are you going, brother dear?"

Pr. Kuno: "The fun starts here."

Kuno: "I'm going..."

Ryoga: "Just get in, Kuno."

Akane started the engine and clicked the garage door remote. It opened and she put it in reverse, backing out. Once she was on the road, she knew where to go.

* * * * *

They parked in the school parking lot, getting out and looking at the massive crowd of people in the stands.

Ranma: "Half the town must be here."

Ukyo: "Our team's winning...they must be aliens. They normally suck."

Ryoga: "Yeah, well, let's get into the school."

The seven of them ran over to the school building and found that the doors had been chained. The only thing keeping them out was a solid lock. Ranma pulled but it wouldn't budge.

Ranma: "Shit! There's no way in!"

Gosunkugi: "Actually..."

He swiftly pulled out the gun and shot off the lock. The others jumped back in surprise from the loud bang. They glared at him.

Gosunkugi: "What?"

Ryoga snatched the gun out of his hand.

Ranma: "I'll kill you if you ever do that again!"

He pulled the chain off and opened the doors. They piled in and slammed the doors shut, sealing them with the legs of a chair. They went into the empty gym, sitting down on the bleachers.

Ranma: "Now all we have to do is find Miss Hinako."

Suddenly the gym doors opened and Miss Hinako stepped in. They all looked at her.

Ryoga: "Perfect timing."

Hinako: "What are you doing in here? The school's closed. All of you delinquints come with me."

Ukyo: "Can it, bitch. We know who you are."

Kasumi: "Oh, my."

Hinako: "Excuse me?"

Kuno suddenly slammed into Miss Hinako from the side and Ryoga wraped a volleyball net around her. She tried to break free.

Hinako: "You'll be expelled for this! Get this off of me now!"

Ryoga was now pointing the gun at her head. She looked at it and began to whimper. He looked at Gosunkugi, who stepped in front of her, holding out a pen.

Gosunkugi: "Sniff this or he shoots you."

Hinako: "I will not!"

Ryoga: "Shit!"

Kuno: "Stab her in the eye. It worked on Mister Tamazura..."

Gosunkugi grabbed her face in one hand and with the other, he held up the pen, ready to jam it into her eye. But he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Ukyo: "Just do it, Gos!"

He let her go and she fell to the floor, bowing her head and crying. Gosunkugi walked away, over to the group.

Gosunkugi: "I can't."

Just then, Miss Hinako stood up and spun around, tentacles slithering out of her mouth. The group was stunned, not knowing what to do. Kasumi stepped forward and pulled the cap off the jar of scat and threw it in Hinako's face. Hinako screamed and rolled over and over, trying to get it off. Soon, she began to melt. Kasumi held up the empty jar. Everyone looked disappointed.

Akane: "What if it wasn't her?"

They went to the doors. They could see that everyone was leaving, due to an unexpected rainstorm.

Ryoga: "What do you think?"

Kuno: "I will find out if it worked."

Gosunkugi looked at the two pens he had left for a moment. *I thought I had more...* he thought. He handed Kuno one. Kuno took it and went to the doors, Ranma lifting the chair off the bars. He opened the door and Kuno ran outside, over to the football field. The coach and the team were standing in the rain. Kuno couldn't see anything so he got closer. He ran and jumped over the fence, running up to the team. He got within two feet of the coach before seeing the team's and the coach's internal alien bodies in a flash of lightning. Tentacles were squirming around from their faces. The coach took note of Kuno's prescence and the tentacles in his face retracted. Kuno was surprised to see that the coach was looking right at him.

* * * * *

The others watched from the window. It had been six minutes since Kuno left.

Ukyo: "What the hell's taking him so long?"

Akane: "Maybe it wasn't Hinako."

They continued staring out the window when Kuno suddenly slammed against the glass.

Kuno: "Open the door! They are after me!"

Ranma: "Prove it, Kuno. Take the drug."

Kuno: "I lost it! The entire football team chased me, I must've dropped it!"

While Kuno was begging to be let in, Gosunkugi handed Ryoga the last pen.

Gosunkugi: "This is it."

Ryoga nodded and slid it under the door.

Ryoga: "Sniff it Kuno. Prove they didn't get you."

Kuno bent down and picked it up.

Kuno: "Let me do it inside! They are right behind me!"

Gosunkugi: "No, take it now, Kuno!"

Kuno held the pen up to his nose and shut his eyes tight, lowering his head. Slowly, his head lifted and they could see his eyes were dark as he smiled evilly. He poured the contents of the pen onto the ground. Ryoga screamed in frustration.

Ryoga: "FUCK!"

Kuno: "Open...the door."

Ukyo glared at him through the window and gave him the finger. With surprising strength, Kuno threw himself against the door, trying to open it. The chair rattled but held firm.

Kuno: "It's too late, Saotome! We've won."

Ranma held the gun against the glass, pointing it at Kuno's head.

Ranma: "Get the fuck out of here!"

Kuno just stared at him for a moment, then turned around and ran away. The rest of them went into the gym and sat down.

Ryoga: "So it's the coach, huh?"

Akane: "It doesn't matter anymore...we're completely defenseless."

Gosunkugi: "Maybe not."

Ukyo: "What do you mean?"

Gosunkugi: "When I gave Kuno my last pen, I thought I had more. I must've dropped a couple pens in Kuno's car."

Ranma: "In Kuno's car? What about the aliens?"

Ryoga: "It'll probably take three of us...two to get to the car and one to be a decoy."

Gosunkugi: "Yeah, but who'd be the decoy?"

Ranma and Ryoga stared at him. Gosunkugi sighed and nodded grimly.

* * * * *

Ranma, Ryoga, and Gosunkugi stepped outside the school building, watching everywhere for someone. They got to the parking lot and hid under the buses as a massive group of people/aliens walked by, looking like a search party. As soon as they passed, Ryoga nudged Gosunkugi. He groaned and got out from underneath the bus, calling attention by shouting "Hey!", and running. As all the aliens chased after him, Ranma and Ryoga ran towards Kuno's car, staying low. Once there, Ranma unlocked the door and began digging through the back seat. He pulled out three pens, handing two to Ryoga. They turned around and came face to face with Shampoo. They both jumped back and slammed against the car. Shampoo just stood there and smiled at them. The two began whispering to each other, not taking their eyes off Shampoo.

Ryoga: "Now what?"

Ranma: "Find Gosunkugi and go back to the school. I'll take care of this."

Ryoga: "Yeah, but--"

Ranma: "Just go."

Ryoga nodded and ran off, leaving Ranma and Shampoo.

Shampoo: "Did you miss me?"

Ranma: "I see you...speak clearer Japanese now."

He slowly made his way around to the driver's side of the car, watching Shampoo cautiously.

Shampoo: "I've become so much wiser. You can, too."

Ranma: "Yeah?"

Shampoo: "Oh, yes."

With lightning-quick speed, Ranma was in the car and he slammed the keys into the ignition and turned them, starting up the car. Equally as fast, Shampoo broke through the passenger's side window and was halfway in.

Shampoo: "I'm going to make you a very happy man."

Ranma floored the gass pedal, throwing Shampoo into the back seat. He began to swerve around, not really knowing what to do. He was running out of options and Shampoo wouldn't stay in the back forever. He spotted a school bus parked close by and headed straight for it. With one hand, he pulled his seatbelt over his waist and locked it. Shampoo jumped up out of the back seat and grabbed him, just in time to see that they were headed for the wheel of a bus. They crashed and Shampoo was launched out the front windshield. The collision caused an explosion in the front of the bus. Ranma unbuckled his seatbelt and fell out of the car, the door having broken off when they crashed. He had a large cut on the side of his head. He turned his head and saw something skittering around. Opening his eyes more, he saw that it was Shampoo's severed head perched atop tentacles that were moving about, looking for her body. Ranma saw her headless body staggering around, searching for its head. He looked back and forth between the two.

Ranma: "Fuck this, I'm outta here!"

He turned around and ran back towards the school.

* * * * *

Akane, Ukyo, and Kasumi sat waiting. They really couldn't do anything but sit. No one really felt like talking but Akane spoke anyway.

Akane: "You think they're all right?"

Ukyo: "Hope so. I hope they get some more scat."

She stood up and did nothing. Akane could tell she was very nervous and scared for Ranma, as she was. She wanted to push those thoughts away, so she turned to Kasumi and began talking to her.

Akane: "Kasumi, you haven't said three words since we found you. Are you ok?"

Kasumi: "Oh, I'm sorry, Akane...I'm just not feeling like myself lately."

Akane gave her a strange look and suddenly Kasumi's arm turned into a tentacle and lashed out, striking both Akane and Ukyo. They fell back and stared at Kasumi as she shifted from human to alien queen. Ryoga burst through the doors, followed closely by Gosunkugi, who turned around and slammed a chair between the bars on the doors before the entire football team could get in. The two ran into the gym and saw the giant form of the alien queen standing on the bleachers. Akane and Ukyo were running towards them and soon they were all running. They ran into the next room, which held a large indoor swimming pool. They ran around it just as the alien queen burst through the door and into the pool. She swam towards the other side, where the others had run. Before they reached the locker room door, the alien queen's tentacles shot out of the water and wrapped around Ukyo, pulling her in. Ryoga turned to Akane and Gosunkugi.

Ryoga: "Go!"

The two of them went into the locker room. Ryoga went around to the side to try and find Ukyo. He caught sight of her and reached for her, pulling her out of the water. They ran towards the locker room and opened the door. Gosunkugi ran up to Ryoga and Ukyo went back to where Akane and Gosunkugi had been hiding. Ryoga and Gosunkugi hid elsewhere, watching the entrance.

* * * * *

A shadow crossed the wall. Akane and Ukyo watched as Ranma came into view, looking like he had been run over.

Ranma: "Hello?"

Akane: "Ranma! We're over here."

She and Ukyo stepped out towards him but they stopped when they heard Kasumi. She was standing hidden in the shadows next to Ranma.

Kasumi: "Look out, Ranma. It's them."

Ukyo: "She's lying, Ranchan! It's her."

Kasumi: "Don't believe them, Ranma. How can you trust Ukyo? She convinced you she was a boy all that time ago. And Akane is so violent...always jumping to conclusions."

For the first time since he had entered the locker room, Ranma realized that Kasumi was buck naked. He stared at her.

Ranma: "Kasumi...why are you naked?"

Kasumi: "You like it, Ranma? My body? I'm just getting used to it myself."

Ranma: "Why her? Why take her?"

Kasumi: "Why not? Perfect to gain trust, Kasumi was. The loving house-mother type who doesn't say much."

Ranma had slowly taken a pen out of his pocket and popped the cap off. He raised his hand and went to stab Kasumi, but he felt two hands wrap around his wrist.

Akane: "Ranma!"

He turned his head to see Akane and Ukyo holding him. Both of them had tentacles squirming from their mouths. Ryoga and Gosunkugi jumped on top of the two girls and swung them around, throwing them both into a cage. Gosunkugi closed the door and slid the bolt into its lock just as the girls began slamming against the door. The three boys turned back to Kasumi only to find her gone. Ranma turned and handed a pen to Gosunkugi.

Ryoga: "Now Kasumi."

He and Gosunkugi began to head further into the locker room when Ranma grabbed them both by their shirts and threw them up against the lockers.

Ranma: "No, you sniff yours. Both of you, now."

Gosunkugi: "What? You're out of your fucking mind!"

Ranma: "I don't care! I leave fore five minutes, I come back and everyone's a fucking alien! Now if I have to Men-in-Black your ass, you're gonna sniff it. Both of you."

Gosunkugi and Ryoga both took the caps off their pens and inhaled the scat. Nothing happened. The alien queen's shadow loomed over them.

Ryoga: "Happy now?"

Ranma let them go and they ran in three different directions. Ranma stayed low and looked around for Ryoga and Gosunkugi.

Ranma: "Hey! Ryoga! Gosunkugi! Where the hell are you?"

He heard the alien queen grunt and looked up only to see Ryoga soar over the top of the lockers and into the row behind him. Ranma ran around to the other side and saw Ryoga lying on top of Gosunkugi. Both of them were unconscious. Ranma hid as Kasumi bagan speaking.

Kasumi: "Come on out, Ranma. You can't win."

Ranma: "What makes you think I can't beat you?"

Kasumi: "Face it. I took your entire town and not one of you has shown enough strength to defeat us. Don't think of it as us taking over...I just want to show your people that they can be better, happier. There's no fear...or anger...or confusion, you'll understand and you won't be afraid. You can be smart, Akane can admit her feelings for you, Ryoga will never be lost again, Ukyo won't have to live as a boy because of her family, Gosunkugi doesn't have to be the class wuss, and Kuno never has to fear rejection...don't you want that?"

Ranma: "Things were fine the way they were."

Kasumi: "That's ok, Ranma. If you don't want to understand...I'll make you understand."

She morphed back into her alien form and began to throw the rows of lockers, searching for Ranma. He ran straight for the door and past the pool, all the way back to the gym. He ran into the supply room and grabbed a bow off the archery team's bow rack. He grabbed a rubber band out of a desk drawer and wrapped the pen around the tip of an arrow. The alien queen burst through the door just as Ranma took a firing position, aiming right for her eye.

Ranma: "Guarenteed to jack you up."

He released the arrow and watched as it hit her square in the eye, the scat doing its job. The queen screamed, spraying white alien blood from her mouth. From her throat shot many parasites, all of them dying within seconds. Soon, she fell to the floor, her eys dripping white alien blood. She began to melt away.

Ranma: "You wouldn't have liked it here."

He walked back to the locker room and opened the bolt that was locking the cage Akane and Ukyo were in. They were both on the floor, passed out. Dead parasites lay on the floor next to them. Ranma shook the two of them awake. They both hugged him.

Ranma: "Are you ok?"

Ukyo: "I think so..."

Akane: "I feel ok."

Ryoga and Gosunkugi walked in and fell onto the ground, laughing. Gosunkugi managed to speak.

Gosunkugi: "Did we get her?"

Ranma: "Yeah."

* * * * *

One Month Later...

Gosunkugi looked completely different. He was actually wearing colors other than black. The dark rings around his eyes were gone and his hair was styled nicely. He was standing next to Ryoga, Ranma, Akane, Ukyo, Shampoo, and Kuno. Kuno looked different as well. He had stopped wearing that robe and started wearing normal clothes. They were all friends now, they being the only ones who knew what really happened. The seven of them sat on the school's grass, everyone around them either talking or eating lunch. A group of reporters began making their way over to them.

Gosunkugi: "Hey, international news this time."

Ranma: "Network?"

Akane: "Local, too."

Ranma: "Ok..."

They walked over to the reporters and once again told their story.

THE END

Author's Crap:
I likes this one, I tell ya. E-mail me if you need any questions answered or just for comments at ranma_male@yahoo.com