Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ The One Left Behind ❯ Chapter Six ( Chapter 6 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: ashez2ashes 
Ryouga's finally made it to Nerima...
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Adventure / Angst / Comedy | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 01.26.2003 | Pages: 7 | Words: 4.4K | Visits: 369 | Status: Completed
Ryouga's finally made it to Nerima...
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Adventure / Angst / Comedy | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 01.26.2003 | Pages: 7 | Words: 4.4K | Visits: 369 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my college expenses...whoo...hoo.
Contact Info:
ashez2ashes@yahoo.com
http://www.geocities.com/ashez2ashes/
----
The One Left Behind
Part 6
----
Oink.
The sound of a pig.
Not a normal pig either. Nooooo, she couldn't have a normal pig. Normal pigs aren't the size of elephants. Normal pigs don't show up at your tenth birthday party and destroy your cake and then EAT YOU WHOLE. With normal pigs, you wouldn't be trapped in its stomach, wondering if you're going to be digested or...well I'm not sure which is worse!
I hate pigs!
Can't they hear it?! They just sit there like they can't hear it! It's too late to run, it must almost be to the front door. I'm doomed. I shall miss...well no I won't miss the world all that much.
Oink.
Damn it! Are they deaf?! They just sit there, eating away happily. I don't want to die like this! I still have to beat up Ranma! Oh, and Pigtailed Guy too.
Heh, so many things to do...
Shit! It broke through the fence!
Everyone else looked like they heard it, but no one made any move to do anything about it...Do crazy people just burst through their fence everyday?! What's wrong with these people?!
It's getting closer...Thunder rumbled. Is a storm coming? Typical, I can't even die during nice weather.
I was tempted to close my eyes, but I kept them open. A man meets his doom with courage...and I really don't want that Akane girl see me scream like a woman.
Lightening flashed...This is it. Good bye cruel world. You gave me nothing and I gave nothing in return...damn. My life's depressing.
As the sky slowly cleared my doom appeared in the form of a p--...huh? Ryu?
What's he doing here?
Ryu stood defiantly a few feet away from the house. His clothes were tattered and he looked like he had dragged himself through hell and back. His bandanna lay lopsided on his forehead and a crazed glint was in his eyes.
Kinda reminds me of the way I looked when mom left me at the subways to wander around for days as special training. Ah, those were good times.
"I'm going to kill your whole damn family line!" Ryu laughed manically. "Screw the forbidden techniques!"
Ryu reached behind his back and held up a...bazooka?! Where the hell did he get a bazooka?!
Shit, did he find a "crazed and military minded" store?! You can't find those sorts of things in Japan! But where else could he have found such ugly pants?
What to do? If I even twitch he'll blow us away...but oh well! He's not _HER_! Happy day! A bazooka is pointed at my face instead! The gods have taken pity on me.
Ok, so I'm going to die from a bazooka...that's slightly better than death by pig. Perhaps, I should do something so this family doesn't get blown up? That Kasumi lady makes very nice curry. I can't let these innocent people die because of me...Well maybe Pigtail Guy can die. I don't care much about him. But the girls! I must save the girls!
I readied myself for my suicidal attack plan.
Then Pigtailed guy said something very stupid.
"Hey Pop, do you know who this guy is?"
That moron!
Baldy shrugged. "I don't know. The name sounds familiar..."
That other moron!
Ryu screamed.
"HOW DARE YOU NOT REMEMBER WHO I AM!" He flipped a few switches on his bazooka.
"I'll make you pay for my father's life and dojo!" Ryu turned more crazed. "BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY..." He paused as thunder crashed. "THIS IS PAY BACK FOR THE ANGRY FAT WOMEN!"
I started to sit up.
"STOP!" Ryu yelled. Is he slobbering? The guy's really freaking me out.
I stopped and Ryu laughed manically again. Laughing that much has to be hard on his throat...
"You think your gonna knock this out of my hand huh? You gonna be fast, punk? Is that what your thinkin? HAHAHHAHHA! PATHETIC!!"
Wow, he really IS slobbering. This is all very disturbing. Do I look like that when I'm pronouncing death to my enemies?
"Do you know what it's like to be sat on by four ugly obese woman?! TO BE SMOTHERED BY THEIR UNGODLY HUGE UNDERWEAR?!" Ryu took a deep breathe. "WELL DO YOU?!"
We all raised an eyebrow.
"NOT LIKE THAT YOU PERVERTS! THEY STUFFED THEIR LAUNDRY DOWN MY THROAT! GAAAAAAH! I'LL BLOW YOU UP TWICE FOR THAT!" He paused. "AND YOU STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE! DO YOU?!"
Everyone at the table shook their heads, except for baldy and Akane's father who nodded... Huh? Uh, better just forget I noticed that.
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO CLIP THEIR TOENAILS?! DO YA, YA BASTARDS?!"
Must...not...laugh out loud...
Ryu lifted the bazooka higher on his shoulder.
"DIE SAOTOME FAMILY! AND UH--" He paused, looking over at Akane and her sisters. "--FRIENDS!"
Saotome family? This guy thinks this is MY family? Ha ha, loser.
His hand went to the trigger. Pigtailed boy and me jumped up--ready to try a last ditch effort to stop him...
Well, at least I'm not going to die by the pig...
OINK!
"RYOUGA-SAMA!"
Ryu was suddenly grabbed by a giant pig and a girl with a pink stripe in her hair. The evil pig flung him over his back and bounded off happily. Ryu's screams echoed throughout the night as he was dragged into the darkness...
His bazooka lay abandoned on the grass.
Wow...
I accidently snapped my chopsticks again.
Kasumi gasped softly. "Oh my, you are very hard on my chopsticks..."
Oops.
The Pigtailed Guy looked up at me and grinned. "So, ya wanna fight now?"
"Wuh?" Gotta gain back brain functions.
Was I just saved? Wow...I think I owe you one world.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the baldy guy running away carrying a large backpack. What's his problem?
Oh well! Who cares! I'm saved!
---
I had forgotten it could be like this. No revenge, no other agenda. When a fight is merely struggling through the blood, sweat, and tears until one of you cannot get up again...seeing who is the better man.
I miss this.
It should always be like this.
Pigtailed guy landed another punch to my gut, sending me across the yard.
I had requested the fight to be in the yard, their dojo looked nice so I didn't want to destroy it. It should be a better battleground as long as I don't slip in that stupid pond of theirs and crack my head open. That would end the fight rrreeeal fast.
I pulled myself up and dodged a jump kick to my head.
I had been able to get a good hit on his left shoulder. I could tell it was hurting him, he wasn't throwing as many punches with his left arm. But in the long run it really didn't matter much. He got twenty hits to my one. The guy was fast...almost inhumanly fast.
All I need are one ore two more good hits, and he'll be down. Problem is, I can't last much longer.
I kicked and punched as fast as I possibly could, and he dodged my attacks with ease.
A dust cloud rose up from my last misplaced punch. I used the opportunity to rip off one of my bandannas and launch it in the air. I felt Pigtailed Guy coming, and raised my arms automatically to block the punch.
Come on...take the bait...
"It's over!" Pigtailed Guy yelled, and his fist descended upon my face in slow motion. I grinned as my bandanna came back in its arc.
It slammed into the back of his head, and I used his momentum to flip him over. He flew and slammed into the side of the wall.
HA! Damn straight it's over!
I stood up, shakily, but that was only because I was uh...in awe of my victory. It wasn't because I was really hurt and in lots of pain, or anything crazy like that.
"Down so quickly?" My bruised lips stretched into a grin.
"Heh, that felt like a baby's kick..." Pigtailed Guy rose up again like some kind of zombie. Shit...he's almost as tough as me.
This is great.
Pigtailed guy grinned back, his bloody face matched my own. He's not giving up. They had always gave up by now. ...I've finally found a real opponent.
I made my body fall back into a fighting stance. Finally, a worthy opponent. This is what I should be searching for! I can become stronger! I will not lose this fight of honor and sweat and tears! I will fight until I can no longer move and then push beyond my limits!
Then a porta potty slammed into my head.
"Ranma! I will defeat you and reclaim Shampoo! Hahaha! I knew a larger potty would work!"
"Damn it Mousse! You got the wrong guy again!"
And then all was darkness...again.
----
You'd think a person would get used to getting knocked unconscious every other day, but no, it's a surprise every time. One second your fighting a man to man fight, the next, your stuck under a toilet. At least it was empty, I lucked out on that.
It's probably good that I'm not used to it. Because then If I was walking down the street, and a toilet falls on someone, I would probably think 'Oh it's just a toilet falling on someone. That happens all the time!' Then I'd leave and the guy would die. So, it's good not to get used to falling toilets.
............what the hell am I talking about?!
Shit! I have brain damage!
I stood up too quickly, and slammed back into the futon.
Ok...world spinning again. Not good, better take it easy.
I stood slowly this time, like a normal guy who doesn't have brain damage. Really...no brain damage here...
I checked my head for soft spots.
I could hear voices talking as I opened my eyes. Through blurred vision, I glanced out a nearby window. It looked like it was late at night. The Pigtailed Guy and Kasumi were and sitting at the table. Pigtailed guy had some books strewn about...(who knew he could read?) and Kasumi was sewing something. They stopped and looked over at me when they noticed that I was awake.
I rubbed my temples. "What happened?"
Pigtailed Guy shrugged. "You got a toilet dropped on you."
Stupid bastard.
"That's obvious. Why were toilets falling from the sky?"
"The guy's practically blind." Pigtailed Guy turned back to his paper and books. Hey...I got a pretty good hit on his head there, if the bandage is any indiction. Ha! I hope he's got more bruises then me. And brain damage too!
"Mousse thought you were someone else." Pigtailed Guy shrugged.
Wait...didn't that Mousse guy say...Ranma? But...that could only mean...
THAT BASTARD THOUGHT I WAS RANMA! HOW DARE HE?! THAT'S IT! I'M PUTTING HIM ON MY LIST!
I reached into my pocket and wrote the name 'Mousse' on my list.
He...did say Ranma right? It's not the brain damage talking?
Pigtailed Guy gave me a look. You know, one of those 'there's an insane person on a futon in my living room' type of looks.
"What ARE you doing?"
"Putting that guy Mousse on my list of people to kill."
Kasumi looked up and smiled. "Like a to-do list? I make those when I have to go shopping." She laughed softly, in a way I think only this girl can. It's creepy, like a human being couldn't be that nice. You know, she could be a robot.
"I guess that's sort of the same thing...." I rubbed my side. I sure collected the bruises today.
She smiled and went back to her sewing. I put away my list because...you never know what kind of programming this robot girl could have. What if I said something "mean" and she threw a missile at me?
What am I talking about? Uh oh...I did it again.
I do not have brain damage...I do not have brain damage.
"About the fight..." I scowled.
I can't believe such a cool man to man fight ended like that. It's not right.
"That Ba--" I stopped. Can't cuss around Kasumi robot. "That...bad man..." Ok that was a stupid substitution. "Interrupted our man to man fight!"
"Heh." Pigtailed Guy smirked like the annoying bastard he is. "Good thing too or you woulda lost."
"NO way! I was about to use my ultimate technique!"
"Really?" Pigtailed Guy looked slightly hopeful.
Well, not really, but that's the sorta thing that's supposed to happen when the hero seems to be on his last legs. Yeah, I'm sure I was on the verge of some dramatic last minute attack that may, or may not have glowed.
I stood up and tried not to sway. "I demand a rematch!"
Kasumi clapped her hands making me jump. She turned toward me and smiled. "You can sleep in the dojo and fight tomorrow! It'll be like a sleep over!"
"Um..." said Pigtailed Guy.
"Um..." said me. Not that I was copying or anything.
"Kasumi..." Pigtailed Guy cleared his throat. "We're not little girls."
"Hmm?" Kasumi was already walking away. "I better get a spare futon."
"Wait I don't want to be a bur--" I blinked. "Where'd she go?"
Super robot ninja skills! Wow!
"Trust me man. Don't even try to argue with Kasumi." He stretched and went back to his work again. "It just ain't possible."
"But..."
"Jeez man, just sleep in the dojo and I'll beat the hell out of you tomorrow." He pointed toward the dojo.
"Hey! Whose gonna beat the hell outta wh--"
Pigtailed Guy waved his hand at me in a dismissive way and squinted at his homework. "Go away man, I got this work to do. I'm suppose to divide the square root of this triangle...but a triangle ain't square and I don't see a tree on it anywhere...stupid teachers."
He preceeded to ignore me.
I stomped away toward the dojo, in a towering infernal of rage that he would soon feel in the morning! Yeah...damn straight he would!
Well, I thought I was going toward the dojo. Instead I wandered to the bathroom, kitchen, pond (damn that pond), closet, and some room that may or may not have been the basement. I aaaaalmost opened the girls bedroom doors, but thankfully they had signs on the doors. Can I can read! Unlike that Pigtailed guy whose just faking!
Ah those wonderful signs...
I finally ended up back on the lawn again. The dojo stood before me. I glanced behind me, Nabiki was leaning down toward the Bazooka. I suppose Ryu left it there.
Ha ha. He's such an unlucky bastard. I wonder how long it'll take before Akari realizes he's not me? Akari's not stupid....but he does look just like me...
Hopefully, it's sometime after their third or fourth child.
"This should go for a good price..." Nabiki disarmed the bazooka and dragged it off... She's probably going to sell it on the black market. That girl scares me.
After more wandering I finally got to the dojo. Damn thing must move around or something. I reached for the dojo door, stepped in, and immediately tripped over a sake bottle.
Luckily, five more sake bottles broke my fall otherwise it could have been painful....
I pulled myself up from the pile of litter. "Why is the dojo in the living room?"
"This isn't the Dojo."
"Eh? Are you sure?"
Pigtailed Guy gave me one of "those" looks again.
Pigtailed Guy closed his book. "What are you doing? I've seen you walk past here three times."
Grrr...that's...not my fault! It's my...brain damage's fault?
"I'm uh...what are YOU doing?"
Yeah! Change the subject!
"I'm doing homework. Stop wandering around the house will ya?"
"Well...well...why are you still working on your homework? Too hard for you?"
Not that I had room to talk. I haven't tried that school deal for away.
"Yeah, well, I'm not some geeky math person. I'd just leave it, but a teacher nagged something about failing if I don't do it." He rolled his eyes as if it was a trivial matter.
"Where did all the sake come from?"
"It's Pop's and Mr. Tendo's stuff. Kasumi moved it here and was going to put it away, then Akane blew something up in the kitchen and she had to clean that up...Don't know where she is now."
Doing ninja robot stuff no doubt.
Pigtailed Guy shrugged. "You better stay away from it. That stuff will mess you up."
"You sayin I can't handle it?!"
I'll show him!
"That's not what I'm sayin...Well heh. You probably couldn't."
Look at him, with his little arrogant smirk. He probably knows I've never had that stuff before...Him and his mocking faces...grrr. "I could drink more than you!"
"No way. you'd pass out before the first bottle. It's strong stuff."
"Would not!" So what if I've never drunk before. Can't be that hard. "I can drink you under the table!"
"Is that a challenge?"
"Uh...yeah!"
Uh oh.
"Um...are you sure?"
"Afraid of a little sake?" Awww man! I'm doomed!
"Fine! First to pass out loses!
"YOU'RE ON!"
And thus, the drinking began...You know, when you think you have brain damage, getting drunk might not be that good of an idea...
We decided to drink on the roof...Other than the possible side effect of breaking our necks, it was the safest place. He was worried about getting caught by Mr. Tendo, or that Akane girlfriend of his. Personally, I didn't want that Kasumi girl to see us. It'd be like, drinking in front of...um...well I can't think of anything as bad as that. She'd reprimand us, and it'd be scary. So there.
Sake was worse than I thought. The liquid burned like fire on the way down. It blurred your vision and made your head spin like when you take one too many fists to the head. I like to think of it as 'beating in a bottle'.
We sat and drank while watching the lightening as it ripped through the sky. In ancient times, they used to think it was the gods battling in the sky...Mom had always liked lightening. I like it too...
Mom...I had managed not to think about her for awhile. My mom had always told me not to drink. I know the void is gunning for me because of this but...I couldn't back down. For some reason, I can't back down to this guy...he's a warrior too, and if I want to be a real man, I can't turn my back on challenges. I can't be a coward!
I'm sorry mom.
Pigtailed Guy opened up another sake bottle. "I've always liked lightening..."
"Yeah..."
I kinda like this guy. I'm still gonna kick his ass tomorrow, but I might feel a little bad about it...maybe.
Besides, I'm already rrrrrrrreally tipsy!
Pigtailed Guy was startin to loosen up too. He kept talking about Akane. Apparently, he was engaged to her. You woulda thought an arranged marriage was a thing of the past. He has a stalker too. I know how that feels. He's being a wuss about it though, she doesn't even have a giant man-eating pet. Feh, the guy had lots of problems with women.
"I'm tellin you! If she hits you, that means she likes ya!" I frowned and drunk a swig of sake. "Unless she's an okonomiyaki chef."
But no matter how many times I told stupid Pigtailed Guy, he didn't get it.
"No she doesn't! The tomboy hates me! When other girls glomp onto me she gets all angry and hits me! There's no way I'd marry that gorilla!"
"No wonder she hits ya if you call her a gorilla. How hasn't the void gotten you yet?"
"The what?" Ranma took a drink of his own bottle.
"You know, the void that gets vengeance for women and sucks men into hell." I dropped my empty sake bottle.
"...you're weird, man."
"Feh, whatever. You guys just have your little unrequited love thing, see if I care." If they what to be all stupid, that's their problem.
"It's not lu--it's not that! How can she lu--feel that way, if I ever tried to touch her, she'd put me in the hospital!"
"Stupid!" I snatched the sake bottle from his hand and took another swig. "You can't go around groping girls! Haven't you ever read shoujo manga? You have to go around saying stuff like: 'Don't worry. I shall protect you forever!' Girls go crazy over that crap."
Once when I was trapped in Akari's house, I read some to while away my captivity or until I was able to chew through the ropes on my ankles...I was only seven and really couldn't knock down thick wooden doors as easily as I can now.
And well...I had to find out if Miki chose the angry blond warrior guy, or the red haired, kinda angry warrior guy.
But after that I never read one again! Y-yeah. I wouldn't BUY that stuff. No sireeee.
"Shoujo manga?" Pigtailed Guy grinned evilly. "You read shoujo manga?"
Oops! "N-No way! I don--"
"HAHHAHA! YOU READ GIRLS MANGA!"
"SHUT UP!"
We fought for a few minutes, but then gave up 'cause the world was getting all spinny.
I plopped down on the ground. "The world is spinny..." I watched the sake swirl around in the bottle I was holding. Pretty...
"So why you wanna kill your brother anyway?" Pigtailed Guy sat down beside me. "I mean, it can't be that bad having a brother."
I scowled at the stars overhead. The lightening had finally faded away. "How do you know? Do you have one?
"Nah, only child. Can't see Pop getting another woman...ew."
No kidding.
"Yeah, gross. No offense, but I can't see your dad with ANY woman." Yuck. Gross mental images...hmmm sake will make them go away.
"Eh, Mom musta had some reason...Oh well. I like existing and all." I heard a clank as he dropped his empty bottle.
Why not tell him? It couldn't hurt. He don't know Ranma. Yeeeah, sake says spill life story to guy I just met. Sake's smart.
"So about my brother stuff, well, he's one of those stuck up, egotistical jerk guys."
"Oh. Those guys suck." Pigtailed Guy hiccuped.
"He thinks he's better than me." He does, I know it. He's Mr. First Born 'I'm so much better 'cause I was born two minutes earlier' Guy. It's so stupid and unfair. I lost before I was even born.
"Does he knock you down and step on your face? I do that ta people a lot." Pigtailed Guy banged the sake bottle on the roof, shrugged, then busted the top off and started to drink from the bottom half.
"Nah, I never met him....sake is good." Weee, I'm startin to loooose it. Oohhh weell.
"Yeah. Hee hee. How do you know he thinks that if ya never met him?"
"I just know." If he was a nice guy, I wouldn't be able ta beat him up. That's why. So he's gotta be a jerk. That's the way it's gonna be.
"Okay man. That makes losta sense."
"It does! Then my mom died, and I was angry and stuff. She still wanted to see them; said she loved them before she died. Dun know why. They never gave her nuthin." I downed two more bottles.
"Bastards."
"Vamn straight...err damn straight." I squeezed the bottle too hard and accidently busted it all over Pigtailed Guy.
"Heeeey!"
"Ha ha." For some reason, it was really funny. "You got sake on you man. Hee hee."
Pigtailed Guy overturned his bottle on my head. "You got sake on YOU man."
Suddenly it wasn't very funny anymore.
"Bastard I'll kick--" I tried to stand up and fell back down again. "--your ass later." I stared at the blurry stars for a few minutes in silence, feeling a pinch of guilt seeping into my drunken mind. "My mom always told me not to drink..."
Pigtailed Guy leaned back and stared at the stars again. "I never knew my mom. Went away and trained with stupid bald dad. You're lucky."
"Nah. I'm Ryouga." Am I out of sake? Hmm that bad.
"Stupid, I meant I wish I could meet my mom. But she far away, and she might make me kill myself. That'd be bad."
"Sepuku?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, everyboy's mom does that. Mine did too."
"Oooooh."
"Mom was always like you're not as good as Ranma go commit sepuku. Ranma this, and Ranma that. Ranma's so cool. Bla bla bla."
"Wow! My name's Ranma too!"
"What a coin-ced-enceda!"
"Yeah! Whateva ya said! Aww, sake's gone."
Sake gone? That bad. I got up and fell off the building. Which seemed to mean I was going somewhere. "I go get more!"
So that was where I was goin!
"Oooooookay!"
I knocked down this fence thing that was in my way, then wandered off into the night in search of sake...
----
The Next morning, I woke up in a tree. How I had got in the tree I shall never know.
"Where am I now?"
My head is pounding. When did the sun get so damn bright? It's brigher than usual. Maybe the sun is going to fall onto the earth...that'd be cool. Gah, my body aches...Crap, even thinking hurts...what happened to me?
I think I'm in a park somewhere...how did I get here? I remember drinking sake with Ranma then...
R-Ranma?
I fell out of the tree.
"DAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMNNNNNN IIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!"
----
Contact Info:
ashez2ashes@yahoo.com
http://www.geocities.com/ashez2ashes/
God, I wish I didn't take so long writing stuff. Hopefully the length of this helped a bit...
Next Chapter: Who knows? It's time to make up stuff as I go along! ^_^;; Ukyou will probably be in the next chapter. I should be able to finish up this story is 2-3 chapters. No more than three for sure. It'd be so nice to actually finish something...
Contact Info:
ashez2ashes@yahoo.com
http://www.geocities.com/ashez2ashes/
----
The One Left Behind
Part 6
----
Oink.
The sound of a pig.
Not a normal pig either. Nooooo, she couldn't have a normal pig. Normal pigs aren't the size of elephants. Normal pigs don't show up at your tenth birthday party and destroy your cake and then EAT YOU WHOLE. With normal pigs, you wouldn't be trapped in its stomach, wondering if you're going to be digested or...well I'm not sure which is worse!
I hate pigs!
Can't they hear it?! They just sit there like they can't hear it! It's too late to run, it must almost be to the front door. I'm doomed. I shall miss...well no I won't miss the world all that much.
Oink.
Damn it! Are they deaf?! They just sit there, eating away happily. I don't want to die like this! I still have to beat up Ranma! Oh, and Pigtailed Guy too.
Heh, so many things to do...
Shit! It broke through the fence!
Everyone else looked like they heard it, but no one made any move to do anything about it...Do crazy people just burst through their fence everyday?! What's wrong with these people?!
It's getting closer...Thunder rumbled. Is a storm coming? Typical, I can't even die during nice weather.
I was tempted to close my eyes, but I kept them open. A man meets his doom with courage...and I really don't want that Akane girl see me scream like a woman.
Lightening flashed...This is it. Good bye cruel world. You gave me nothing and I gave nothing in return...damn. My life's depressing.
As the sky slowly cleared my doom appeared in the form of a p--...huh? Ryu?
What's he doing here?
Ryu stood defiantly a few feet away from the house. His clothes were tattered and he looked like he had dragged himself through hell and back. His bandanna lay lopsided on his forehead and a crazed glint was in his eyes.
Kinda reminds me of the way I looked when mom left me at the subways to wander around for days as special training. Ah, those were good times.
"I'm going to kill your whole damn family line!" Ryu laughed manically. "Screw the forbidden techniques!"
Ryu reached behind his back and held up a...bazooka?! Where the hell did he get a bazooka?!
Shit, did he find a "crazed and military minded" store?! You can't find those sorts of things in Japan! But where else could he have found such ugly pants?
What to do? If I even twitch he'll blow us away...but oh well! He's not _HER_! Happy day! A bazooka is pointed at my face instead! The gods have taken pity on me.
Ok, so I'm going to die from a bazooka...that's slightly better than death by pig. Perhaps, I should do something so this family doesn't get blown up? That Kasumi lady makes very nice curry. I can't let these innocent people die because of me...Well maybe Pigtail Guy can die. I don't care much about him. But the girls! I must save the girls!
I readied myself for my suicidal attack plan.
Then Pigtailed guy said something very stupid.
"Hey Pop, do you know who this guy is?"
That moron!
Baldy shrugged. "I don't know. The name sounds familiar..."
That other moron!
Ryu screamed.
"HOW DARE YOU NOT REMEMBER WHO I AM!" He flipped a few switches on his bazooka.
"I'll make you pay for my father's life and dojo!" Ryu turned more crazed. "BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY..." He paused as thunder crashed. "THIS IS PAY BACK FOR THE ANGRY FAT WOMEN!"
I started to sit up.
"STOP!" Ryu yelled. Is he slobbering? The guy's really freaking me out.
I stopped and Ryu laughed manically again. Laughing that much has to be hard on his throat...
"You think your gonna knock this out of my hand huh? You gonna be fast, punk? Is that what your thinkin? HAHAHHAHHA! PATHETIC!!"
Wow, he really IS slobbering. This is all very disturbing. Do I look like that when I'm pronouncing death to my enemies?
"Do you know what it's like to be sat on by four ugly obese woman?! TO BE SMOTHERED BY THEIR UNGODLY HUGE UNDERWEAR?!" Ryu took a deep breathe. "WELL DO YOU?!"
We all raised an eyebrow.
"NOT LIKE THAT YOU PERVERTS! THEY STUFFED THEIR LAUNDRY DOWN MY THROAT! GAAAAAAH! I'LL BLOW YOU UP TWICE FOR THAT!" He paused. "AND YOU STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE! DO YOU?!"
Everyone at the table shook their heads, except for baldy and Akane's father who nodded... Huh? Uh, better just forget I noticed that.
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO CLIP THEIR TOENAILS?! DO YA, YA BASTARDS?!"
Must...not...laugh out loud...
Ryu lifted the bazooka higher on his shoulder.
"DIE SAOTOME FAMILY! AND UH--" He paused, looking over at Akane and her sisters. "--FRIENDS!"
Saotome family? This guy thinks this is MY family? Ha ha, loser.
His hand went to the trigger. Pigtailed boy and me jumped up--ready to try a last ditch effort to stop him...
Well, at least I'm not going to die by the pig...
OINK!
"RYOUGA-SAMA!"
Ryu was suddenly grabbed by a giant pig and a girl with a pink stripe in her hair. The evil pig flung him over his back and bounded off happily. Ryu's screams echoed throughout the night as he was dragged into the darkness...
His bazooka lay abandoned on the grass.
Wow...
I accidently snapped my chopsticks again.
Kasumi gasped softly. "Oh my, you are very hard on my chopsticks..."
Oops.
The Pigtailed Guy looked up at me and grinned. "So, ya wanna fight now?"
"Wuh?" Gotta gain back brain functions.
Was I just saved? Wow...I think I owe you one world.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the baldy guy running away carrying a large backpack. What's his problem?
Oh well! Who cares! I'm saved!
---
I had forgotten it could be like this. No revenge, no other agenda. When a fight is merely struggling through the blood, sweat, and tears until one of you cannot get up again...seeing who is the better man.
I miss this.
It should always be like this.
Pigtailed guy landed another punch to my gut, sending me across the yard.
I had requested the fight to be in the yard, their dojo looked nice so I didn't want to destroy it. It should be a better battleground as long as I don't slip in that stupid pond of theirs and crack my head open. That would end the fight rrreeeal fast.
I pulled myself up and dodged a jump kick to my head.
I had been able to get a good hit on his left shoulder. I could tell it was hurting him, he wasn't throwing as many punches with his left arm. But in the long run it really didn't matter much. He got twenty hits to my one. The guy was fast...almost inhumanly fast.
All I need are one ore two more good hits, and he'll be down. Problem is, I can't last much longer.
I kicked and punched as fast as I possibly could, and he dodged my attacks with ease.
A dust cloud rose up from my last misplaced punch. I used the opportunity to rip off one of my bandannas and launch it in the air. I felt Pigtailed Guy coming, and raised my arms automatically to block the punch.
Come on...take the bait...
"It's over!" Pigtailed Guy yelled, and his fist descended upon my face in slow motion. I grinned as my bandanna came back in its arc.
It slammed into the back of his head, and I used his momentum to flip him over. He flew and slammed into the side of the wall.
HA! Damn straight it's over!
I stood up, shakily, but that was only because I was uh...in awe of my victory. It wasn't because I was really hurt and in lots of pain, or anything crazy like that.
"Down so quickly?" My bruised lips stretched into a grin.
"Heh, that felt like a baby's kick..." Pigtailed Guy rose up again like some kind of zombie. Shit...he's almost as tough as me.
This is great.
Pigtailed guy grinned back, his bloody face matched my own. He's not giving up. They had always gave up by now. ...I've finally found a real opponent.
I made my body fall back into a fighting stance. Finally, a worthy opponent. This is what I should be searching for! I can become stronger! I will not lose this fight of honor and sweat and tears! I will fight until I can no longer move and then push beyond my limits!
Then a porta potty slammed into my head.
"Ranma! I will defeat you and reclaim Shampoo! Hahaha! I knew a larger potty would work!"
"Damn it Mousse! You got the wrong guy again!"
And then all was darkness...again.
----
You'd think a person would get used to getting knocked unconscious every other day, but no, it's a surprise every time. One second your fighting a man to man fight, the next, your stuck under a toilet. At least it was empty, I lucked out on that.
It's probably good that I'm not used to it. Because then If I was walking down the street, and a toilet falls on someone, I would probably think 'Oh it's just a toilet falling on someone. That happens all the time!' Then I'd leave and the guy would die. So, it's good not to get used to falling toilets.
............what the hell am I talking about?!
Shit! I have brain damage!
I stood up too quickly, and slammed back into the futon.
Ok...world spinning again. Not good, better take it easy.
I stood slowly this time, like a normal guy who doesn't have brain damage. Really...no brain damage here...
I checked my head for soft spots.
I could hear voices talking as I opened my eyes. Through blurred vision, I glanced out a nearby window. It looked like it was late at night. The Pigtailed Guy and Kasumi were and sitting at the table. Pigtailed guy had some books strewn about...(who knew he could read?) and Kasumi was sewing something. They stopped and looked over at me when they noticed that I was awake.
I rubbed my temples. "What happened?"
Pigtailed Guy shrugged. "You got a toilet dropped on you."
Stupid bastard.
"That's obvious. Why were toilets falling from the sky?"
"The guy's practically blind." Pigtailed Guy turned back to his paper and books. Hey...I got a pretty good hit on his head there, if the bandage is any indiction. Ha! I hope he's got more bruises then me. And brain damage too!
"Mousse thought you were someone else." Pigtailed Guy shrugged.
Wait...didn't that Mousse guy say...Ranma? But...that could only mean...
THAT BASTARD THOUGHT I WAS RANMA! HOW DARE HE?! THAT'S IT! I'M PUTTING HIM ON MY LIST!
I reached into my pocket and wrote the name 'Mousse' on my list.
He...did say Ranma right? It's not the brain damage talking?
Pigtailed Guy gave me a look. You know, one of those 'there's an insane person on a futon in my living room' type of looks.
"What ARE you doing?"
"Putting that guy Mousse on my list of people to kill."
Kasumi looked up and smiled. "Like a to-do list? I make those when I have to go shopping." She laughed softly, in a way I think only this girl can. It's creepy, like a human being couldn't be that nice. You know, she could be a robot.
"I guess that's sort of the same thing...." I rubbed my side. I sure collected the bruises today.
She smiled and went back to her sewing. I put away my list because...you never know what kind of programming this robot girl could have. What if I said something "mean" and she threw a missile at me?
What am I talking about? Uh oh...I did it again.
I do not have brain damage...I do not have brain damage.
"About the fight..." I scowled.
I can't believe such a cool man to man fight ended like that. It's not right.
"That Ba--" I stopped. Can't cuss around Kasumi robot. "That...bad man..." Ok that was a stupid substitution. "Interrupted our man to man fight!"
"Heh." Pigtailed Guy smirked like the annoying bastard he is. "Good thing too or you woulda lost."
"NO way! I was about to use my ultimate technique!"
"Really?" Pigtailed Guy looked slightly hopeful.
Well, not really, but that's the sorta thing that's supposed to happen when the hero seems to be on his last legs. Yeah, I'm sure I was on the verge of some dramatic last minute attack that may, or may not have glowed.
I stood up and tried not to sway. "I demand a rematch!"
Kasumi clapped her hands making me jump. She turned toward me and smiled. "You can sleep in the dojo and fight tomorrow! It'll be like a sleep over!"
"Um..." said Pigtailed Guy.
"Um..." said me. Not that I was copying or anything.
"Kasumi..." Pigtailed Guy cleared his throat. "We're not little girls."
"Hmm?" Kasumi was already walking away. "I better get a spare futon."
"Wait I don't want to be a bur--" I blinked. "Where'd she go?"
Super robot ninja skills! Wow!
"Trust me man. Don't even try to argue with Kasumi." He stretched and went back to his work again. "It just ain't possible."
"But..."
"Jeez man, just sleep in the dojo and I'll beat the hell out of you tomorrow." He pointed toward the dojo.
"Hey! Whose gonna beat the hell outta wh--"
Pigtailed Guy waved his hand at me in a dismissive way and squinted at his homework. "Go away man, I got this work to do. I'm suppose to divide the square root of this triangle...but a triangle ain't square and I don't see a tree on it anywhere...stupid teachers."
He preceeded to ignore me.
I stomped away toward the dojo, in a towering infernal of rage that he would soon feel in the morning! Yeah...damn straight he would!
Well, I thought I was going toward the dojo. Instead I wandered to the bathroom, kitchen, pond (damn that pond), closet, and some room that may or may not have been the basement. I aaaaalmost opened the girls bedroom doors, but thankfully they had signs on the doors. Can I can read! Unlike that Pigtailed guy whose just faking!
Ah those wonderful signs...
I finally ended up back on the lawn again. The dojo stood before me. I glanced behind me, Nabiki was leaning down toward the Bazooka. I suppose Ryu left it there.
Ha ha. He's such an unlucky bastard. I wonder how long it'll take before Akari realizes he's not me? Akari's not stupid....but he does look just like me...
Hopefully, it's sometime after their third or fourth child.
"This should go for a good price..." Nabiki disarmed the bazooka and dragged it off... She's probably going to sell it on the black market. That girl scares me.
After more wandering I finally got to the dojo. Damn thing must move around or something. I reached for the dojo door, stepped in, and immediately tripped over a sake bottle.
Luckily, five more sake bottles broke my fall otherwise it could have been painful....
I pulled myself up from the pile of litter. "Why is the dojo in the living room?"
"This isn't the Dojo."
"Eh? Are you sure?"
Pigtailed Guy gave me one of "those" looks again.
Pigtailed Guy closed his book. "What are you doing? I've seen you walk past here three times."
Grrr...that's...not my fault! It's my...brain damage's fault?
"I'm uh...what are YOU doing?"
Yeah! Change the subject!
"I'm doing homework. Stop wandering around the house will ya?"
"Well...well...why are you still working on your homework? Too hard for you?"
Not that I had room to talk. I haven't tried that school deal for away.
"Yeah, well, I'm not some geeky math person. I'd just leave it, but a teacher nagged something about failing if I don't do it." He rolled his eyes as if it was a trivial matter.
"Where did all the sake come from?"
"It's Pop's and Mr. Tendo's stuff. Kasumi moved it here and was going to put it away, then Akane blew something up in the kitchen and she had to clean that up...Don't know where she is now."
Doing ninja robot stuff no doubt.
Pigtailed Guy shrugged. "You better stay away from it. That stuff will mess you up."
"You sayin I can't handle it?!"
I'll show him!
"That's not what I'm sayin...Well heh. You probably couldn't."
Look at him, with his little arrogant smirk. He probably knows I've never had that stuff before...Him and his mocking faces...grrr. "I could drink more than you!"
"No way. you'd pass out before the first bottle. It's strong stuff."
"Would not!" So what if I've never drunk before. Can't be that hard. "I can drink you under the table!"
"Is that a challenge?"
"Uh...yeah!"
Uh oh.
"Um...are you sure?"
"Afraid of a little sake?" Awww man! I'm doomed!
"Fine! First to pass out loses!
"YOU'RE ON!"
And thus, the drinking began...You know, when you think you have brain damage, getting drunk might not be that good of an idea...
We decided to drink on the roof...Other than the possible side effect of breaking our necks, it was the safest place. He was worried about getting caught by Mr. Tendo, or that Akane girlfriend of his. Personally, I didn't want that Kasumi girl to see us. It'd be like, drinking in front of...um...well I can't think of anything as bad as that. She'd reprimand us, and it'd be scary. So there.
Sake was worse than I thought. The liquid burned like fire on the way down. It blurred your vision and made your head spin like when you take one too many fists to the head. I like to think of it as 'beating in a bottle'.
We sat and drank while watching the lightening as it ripped through the sky. In ancient times, they used to think it was the gods battling in the sky...Mom had always liked lightening. I like it too...
Mom...I had managed not to think about her for awhile. My mom had always told me not to drink. I know the void is gunning for me because of this but...I couldn't back down. For some reason, I can't back down to this guy...he's a warrior too, and if I want to be a real man, I can't turn my back on challenges. I can't be a coward!
I'm sorry mom.
Pigtailed Guy opened up another sake bottle. "I've always liked lightening..."
"Yeah..."
I kinda like this guy. I'm still gonna kick his ass tomorrow, but I might feel a little bad about it...maybe.
Besides, I'm already rrrrrrrreally tipsy!
Pigtailed Guy was startin to loosen up too. He kept talking about Akane. Apparently, he was engaged to her. You woulda thought an arranged marriage was a thing of the past. He has a stalker too. I know how that feels. He's being a wuss about it though, she doesn't even have a giant man-eating pet. Feh, the guy had lots of problems with women.
"I'm tellin you! If she hits you, that means she likes ya!" I frowned and drunk a swig of sake. "Unless she's an okonomiyaki chef."
But no matter how many times I told stupid Pigtailed Guy, he didn't get it.
"No she doesn't! The tomboy hates me! When other girls glomp onto me she gets all angry and hits me! There's no way I'd marry that gorilla!"
"No wonder she hits ya if you call her a gorilla. How hasn't the void gotten you yet?"
"The what?" Ranma took a drink of his own bottle.
"You know, the void that gets vengeance for women and sucks men into hell." I dropped my empty sake bottle.
"...you're weird, man."
"Feh, whatever. You guys just have your little unrequited love thing, see if I care." If they what to be all stupid, that's their problem.
"It's not lu--it's not that! How can she lu--feel that way, if I ever tried to touch her, she'd put me in the hospital!"
"Stupid!" I snatched the sake bottle from his hand and took another swig. "You can't go around groping girls! Haven't you ever read shoujo manga? You have to go around saying stuff like: 'Don't worry. I shall protect you forever!' Girls go crazy over that crap."
Once when I was trapped in Akari's house, I read some to while away my captivity or until I was able to chew through the ropes on my ankles...I was only seven and really couldn't knock down thick wooden doors as easily as I can now.
And well...I had to find out if Miki chose the angry blond warrior guy, or the red haired, kinda angry warrior guy.
But after that I never read one again! Y-yeah. I wouldn't BUY that stuff. No sireeee.
"Shoujo manga?" Pigtailed Guy grinned evilly. "You read shoujo manga?"
Oops! "N-No way! I don--"
"HAHHAHA! YOU READ GIRLS MANGA!"
"SHUT UP!"
We fought for a few minutes, but then gave up 'cause the world was getting all spinny.
I plopped down on the ground. "The world is spinny..." I watched the sake swirl around in the bottle I was holding. Pretty...
"So why you wanna kill your brother anyway?" Pigtailed Guy sat down beside me. "I mean, it can't be that bad having a brother."
I scowled at the stars overhead. The lightening had finally faded away. "How do you know? Do you have one?
"Nah, only child. Can't see Pop getting another woman...ew."
No kidding.
"Yeah, gross. No offense, but I can't see your dad with ANY woman." Yuck. Gross mental images...hmmm sake will make them go away.
"Eh, Mom musta had some reason...Oh well. I like existing and all." I heard a clank as he dropped his empty bottle.
Why not tell him? It couldn't hurt. He don't know Ranma. Yeeeah, sake says spill life story to guy I just met. Sake's smart.
"So about my brother stuff, well, he's one of those stuck up, egotistical jerk guys."
"Oh. Those guys suck." Pigtailed Guy hiccuped.
"He thinks he's better than me." He does, I know it. He's Mr. First Born 'I'm so much better 'cause I was born two minutes earlier' Guy. It's so stupid and unfair. I lost before I was even born.
"Does he knock you down and step on your face? I do that ta people a lot." Pigtailed Guy banged the sake bottle on the roof, shrugged, then busted the top off and started to drink from the bottom half.
"Nah, I never met him....sake is good." Weee, I'm startin to loooose it. Oohhh weell.
"Yeah. Hee hee. How do you know he thinks that if ya never met him?"
"I just know." If he was a nice guy, I wouldn't be able ta beat him up. That's why. So he's gotta be a jerk. That's the way it's gonna be.
"Okay man. That makes losta sense."
"It does! Then my mom died, and I was angry and stuff. She still wanted to see them; said she loved them before she died. Dun know why. They never gave her nuthin." I downed two more bottles.
"Bastards."
"Vamn straight...err damn straight." I squeezed the bottle too hard and accidently busted it all over Pigtailed Guy.
"Heeeey!"
"Ha ha." For some reason, it was really funny. "You got sake on you man. Hee hee."
Pigtailed Guy overturned his bottle on my head. "You got sake on YOU man."
Suddenly it wasn't very funny anymore.
"Bastard I'll kick--" I tried to stand up and fell back down again. "--your ass later." I stared at the blurry stars for a few minutes in silence, feeling a pinch of guilt seeping into my drunken mind. "My mom always told me not to drink..."
Pigtailed Guy leaned back and stared at the stars again. "I never knew my mom. Went away and trained with stupid bald dad. You're lucky."
"Nah. I'm Ryouga." Am I out of sake? Hmm that bad.
"Stupid, I meant I wish I could meet my mom. But she far away, and she might make me kill myself. That'd be bad."
"Sepuku?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, everyboy's mom does that. Mine did too."
"Oooooh."
"Mom was always like you're not as good as Ranma go commit sepuku. Ranma this, and Ranma that. Ranma's so cool. Bla bla bla."
"Wow! My name's Ranma too!"
"What a coin-ced-enceda!"
"Yeah! Whateva ya said! Aww, sake's gone."
Sake gone? That bad. I got up and fell off the building. Which seemed to mean I was going somewhere. "I go get more!"
So that was where I was goin!
"Oooooookay!"
I knocked down this fence thing that was in my way, then wandered off into the night in search of sake...
----
The Next morning, I woke up in a tree. How I had got in the tree I shall never know.
"Where am I now?"
My head is pounding. When did the sun get so damn bright? It's brigher than usual. Maybe the sun is going to fall onto the earth...that'd be cool. Gah, my body aches...Crap, even thinking hurts...what happened to me?
I think I'm in a park somewhere...how did I get here? I remember drinking sake with Ranma then...
R-Ranma?
I fell out of the tree.
"DAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMNNNNNN IIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!"
----
Contact Info:
ashez2ashes@yahoo.com
http://www.geocities.com/ashez2ashes/
God, I wish I didn't take so long writing stuff. Hopefully the length of this helped a bit...
Next Chapter: Who knows? It's time to make up stuff as I go along! ^_^;; Ukyou will probably be in the next chapter. I should be able to finish up this story is 2-3 chapters. No more than three for sure. It'd be so nice to actually finish something...