Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ The Rap Of His Life ❯ The Rap Of His Life ( One-Shot )

The Rap Of His Life

Author's Note: I was going to write a fanfic about a "Martial Arts Rythmic Rapping Contest" after inspiration from seeing the film "8mile". However, after much time and patience I gave up `cos I just couldn't make it happen! Anyway I wrote this for the fic and thought it was quite funny so I have decided to post it as a songfic in the hope that others might share my amusement. It's a rewrite of the song "My name is" by eminem about Ranma's life. It's a cheap and in places pretty crappy ripoff but some of it's quite good. If you don't know the song then don't read this `cos you won't get it! Enjoy!

CHORUS:
Hi! My name is (what?)...my name is (who?)...
my name is... Saotome
Hi! My name is (huh?)...my name is (what?)...
my name is... Saotome

(2x)

Hi kids! Do you like violence? (yeah yeah yeah!)
Wanna see Akane stick nine inch nails through each one of my eyelids? (uh
huh!)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (yeah yeah!)
Be a martial artist and get fucked up worse than my life is? (huh?)
My brain's dead weight, I'm tryin' to get my head straight
But I can't figure out which one of the Tendo girls I wanna impregnate (Ummmm..)
Dr. Tofu said: "Saotome you a basehead..."
Uh-uhhh! "Then why's ya face red, man you wasted..."
Well since age 8 I've felt like I'm some kind of hostage
Cuz Pop hung my original self over hungry cats with fish sausage
Got pissed off and made that dick Kuno blast off
And smacked his sister so hard that she flew outta' the gym ring like a dead dog
I ate Akane's cooking and threw up everywhere
Faster than Happosai when he snatched Akane's underwear.
C'mere slut! (Saotome, wait a minute, that's my girl dog!)
I don't give a fuck, God sent me to piss you all off

CHORUS:
Hi! My name is (what?)...my name is (who?)...
my name is... Saotome
Hi! My name is (huh?)...my name is (what?)...
my name is... Saotome

(2x)

My Headmaster wanted to shave my head at Furinkan high
Thanks a lot, next time you see him he'll be barely alive
Akane smacked him in the face with an eraser
Chased him with a stapler
And stapled his stupid cocunuts to the curtain draper
Walked in the Kempo club, beat the teacher up
Flashed Akane and left with my dick in her tea cup (Owwwwwwww!)

Shampoo chasing me, cycling over pedestrians
On her bicycle while I'm screamin' at her: "LET'S JUST BE
FRIENDS!"
99% of my life I was lied to.
I just found out my Pop has more problems than I do.
I told him I'd grow up to be a great martial artist
Kick the shit out of him and bury his bloody carcass (Nice! Thanks son!)
You know you fucked up when you land in the water
Turning into Pop's daugther and finding myself shorter. (Aaahhhhhh!)
This guy in Jusenkyo asked for my autograph
So I signed it: 'Dear Ryoga, thanks for the support, ASSHOLE!

CHORUS:
Hi! My name is (what?)...my name is (who?)...
my name is... Saotome
Hi! My name is (huh?)...my name is (what?)...
my name is... Saotome

(2x)

Stop the tape! This kid needs to be locked away! (Get him!)
Dr. Tofu don't just stand there, OPERATE!
Akane wants to kill me, she's mad as a bee hive,

She wants to carry me to the cemetery and bury me alive
Am I a girl or a guy? I can barely decide,
I just drank a fifth of sake...does this ruin my pride?
All my life I was very deprived
I ain't been home in years, my Pop's too frightened to try
The Kuno household are a bunch of dorks,
Kodachi spits when she talks, Kuno'll date anything that walks (C'mere.)
When I was little I used to get so hungry I would eat grass
When I complain Pop just says "You're living in the past".
When I lay asleep in bed
Nabiki pours cold water on my head,

Takes pictures of my naked body

And sells them to Kuno for lots of money.
I'm steamin' mad (Arrrggghhh!)
And by the way when you see my dad? (Yeah.)
Tell him that I slit his throat in this dream I had

CHORUS:
Hi! My name is (what?)...my name is (who?)...
my name is... Saotome
Hi! My name is (huh?)...my name is (what?)...
my name is... Saotome

(2x)

Author's Note: Well I imagime that everyone who read this either loved it or hated it. It probably helps if you're an eminem fan and obviously if you don't know the song then you won't get it. If you loved this and want me to write more ripoff songs: REVIEW THIS and tell me so. I'm open to suggestions. If you hated this and never want to see another one again: REVIEW THIS and tell me what you do want to read. Bye!