Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ The Usual Delinquents ❯ Too Many Nuts in the Party Mix ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Saotome Ranma woke up with a small start. Sitting up, he glanced around his room,
looking to find whatever had woken him up.

<Hmm.... Pop's asleep, snoring again, as usual. I wish he'd
stop sleeping as that big furball...> Ranma thought to himself as he
peered around looking for what had woken him up. Usually, this meant
Nabiki had been takin' pictures, or the old letch had been doing something
weird in his room, but there was no sign of either.

Ranma padded downstairs, where he found Kasumi in the kitchen preparing
breakfast. Akane was already off on her morning run, and Nabiki, bleary
eyed in pajamas, sat at the table, toothbrush jutting out of her mouth
at an odd angle. <just a normal Tendo home morning>, Ranma thought.
<Nothing unusual here, except I'm up...> He sat down not too near Nabiki
and began to watch what she was watching, but Ranma soon lost interest.
CNN Japan wasn't his thing, and even though it was Japanese, half of
everything on it was in English anyways. He snuck a glance at her face,
which was colored by large grey bags under her eyes- She looked like she
hadn't slept in _days_.

Come to think of it, hadn't Kasumi brought her a cup of tea late last night?
Ranma shrugged it off, being the concerned and sensitive future son in law
that he is.

It was then that Ranma saw it.

His school bag.

Ranma's first school year at Furinkan was over, and he was starting his
second. It would be the first real day of class after the... "incident" involving
himself and Gosunkugi Hikaru, Nabiki, Ukyou and Akane. Pineapple Nazi
was there for certain, as well as the 'Dustbuster of Battle Auras', Miss Hinako.
<This last year had more interest in it than any man should have to deal
with> Ranma thought ruefully. His mind chased an errant memory of a
pissed off Chinese monk spouting off about him living in interesting times.
He had thought it was a nice thing to say for a pissed off guy, but in a
rare moment of intellectualism, Ranma understood the curse.
Interesting got boring, real fast.

Even though he had gotten up early, Ranma still managed, along with Akane, to
be late for class that morning. Eerily, not a damn thing went wrong
all morning- He and Akane didn't fight, Nabiki didn't scam (Well, not
him anyways), Happosai didn't make an impromptu appearance, and Soun or
Pop didn't make some weird scene either. Even more surprising was that
after all that calm, no previously forgotten martial artist with a year
old (Or two) vendetta against Ranma had appeared. <Well, the school day
does have 8 hours... Ryoga caught up with me after school....> Ranma thought ruefully.
But still, something seemed wrong.

It was. Terribly wrong.


=====================================

Speed-C han and Mako-Chan present;

The Usual Delinquents

Chapter One: Too Many Nuts in the

Party Mix

=====================================

Ranma zoomed up to the school gates, only to see an assembly going on
on the front lawn where last year, Kuno would have been waiting to
'challenge' him every day.

"Aloha, good little Keikis. So good to be a seein' yous back heah at the
Big Kahuna's School. Especially you, Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo. Watt
good keikis you both is!"
The Hawaiian Headmaster himself, the target Of Saotome Ranma's little
assaults over the past three days, was standing on a platform, addressing
the crowd. Miss Hinako was by his side, holding four coins between her
fingers-she was ready for trouble. The headmaster's trademark shears were
sitting on his podium, rattling slightly as he enthusiastically pounded
the pulpit as he addressed the crowd.

Ranma barely hid a grimace. This was going to be a disaster.

"I be's here to announce to you dat this year, some of Furinkan High's
best students gonna be takin a lil' trip!" continued the patriarch of
the Kuno line.

Ranma turned to Akane. "To the pineapple hair trimmer, no doubt."

"I don't know, Ranma. He seems awfully generous and happy. Maybe he's
actually doing something good this time. He can't possibly keep his job
if all he ever does is stalk poor students' hair" Akane reasoned aloud.

Ranma made a face like a 5 year old biting a lemon. "Whatever, Akane.
I'm just sayin, I don't trust him."

"I be's sendin 20 lucky Furinkan students to study in Seattle, in America.

And todays I be announcing them! I be sending only our bestest and
brightest lil keiki's to this wonderful school in America!" the
principal of Nerima's strangest school exclaimed gleefully.

"Then why did he say he was happy to see us, Akane?"

"Well, I get pretty good grades. Maybe I'm going!" Akane said aloud.

"Hah. Whatever." Ranma quipped.

"Are you saying I'm not smart enough?" Akane fumed.

"Yeah, that's what I'm sayin. Anybody dumb enough to walk back in the
kitchen after all you've done to our poor world ain't goin to America
because they're smart." the pigtailed boy snapped back.

"From Da senior Class, I be sendin Kuno Tatewaki, Mizuhara Keisuke..."

"Kuno? No way he gets good enough grades. I smell a rat" supplied one
girl near the group.

"Yeah, you're right, Ranma. I think I'm beginning to see the light."
Akane grumbled.

"Ranchan!" Ukyou exclaimed as she made her way over. "I was beginning
to think I'd never find you"

"Tendo Nabiki, Moroboshi...." the principal contined.

"Did you hear that, Akane? Your older sister is going to America!"
Sayuri said cheerily to Akane.

"I know, she'll be so happy." Akane said, suddenly cheerful to anyone
who was _not_ Ranma.

"And from da Junior Class, I be sendin... Gosunkugi Hikaru... Tendo Akane.
Mizuhara Mio..." rambled the demented Pineapple Freak.


Akane lit up with joy, and slugged Ranma in the gut without detracting
from her bright face or demeanor. "You see? I told you I'd make it. I'm a
good student, Unlike some people I know who never listen in class and who
are always making me late to school!"

"Don't worry, Akane, now Ranma can make me late to school every morning!
Isn't that right, Ranma?" Ukyou jibed, grabbing Ranma's arm for emphasis.

Akane started to fume, and Ranma searched desperately for an excuse to
break his arm free of Ukyou's grip... He didn't have to search long.

"Kuonji, Ukyou..." continued the Principal.


"Oh goodness! to think that all my hard work, a single student struggling
to survive on her own against tremendous odds would be recognized as
accomplished after so long! it's about time, don't you think so, Ranchan?"
Ukyou said, clasping her hands together. Her eyes were wide and shone
brightly, full of stars.

Ranma seized his moment, breaking his arm free and patting Ukyou on the back.
"About time, sure. That trip to America will do you good. Have a good time,
Ucchan." Ranma said in congratulations.

Ukyou looked pensive, just as principle Kuno paused for breath, before announcing
the last name. <Oh no! With me gone, Ranma-honey will be left all alone with
that deranged gymnast and Shampoo!! What a disaster!> Images of Ranma's unfortunately
weak moral fiber being put to the test by these two hussies without her to defend
her claim as the true fiancee flashed though Ukyou's distressed mind.

"And little keiki Saotome Ranma." finished the Principal, the sun glinting off his
unnaturally white smile.

Suddenly, a scantily clad Chinese girl bearing aphrodisiac laden Ramen evaporated
from Ukyou's mind like dew on a sunny morning. <I'm going to be alone with Ran-chan!
In America!! In that city where Meg Ryan ended up with Tom Hanks!!!>

Ranma's face brightened up in sheer joy, ignoring Ukyou's impromptu party for herself
behind him. "Ha. Look who's smart now, Miss goody does her homework? Looks like I'm
just as smart as you now! SO there!"

"Fix." the short haired girl stated simply in reply.

"Yep. Fix." The okonomiyaki chef agreed, coming back to herself.

"You guys are just jealous that I'm as good at school as you are without spending
any time on it." Ranma yelled, his gloat obvious.

"Fix" replied the student body as a whole.

"NO IT AIN'T!" Ranma screamed back at them.

"Definetely a fix" replied the student body.

"No IT _AIN'T!_" Ranma screamed back.

"Fix" replied the mass together. Then they did the wave.

Ranma sensed his uphill battle, and in a rare show of discretion, gave up and muttered
his disagreements to himself.

---

Ranma walked home from school in a wonderful mood. Of course, his first day of intensive
english had been awfully hard, but soon, he was going to be far away from many of his life's
problems. Sure, Nabiki, Kuno, Ukyou and Akane were coming along, but he'd be leaving
behind part time homicidal maniac, and even worse, a part time housecat fiancee
with an evil old troll/super martial artist grandmother, and directionally challenged
kosher diet subsisting, legendary grudge packing, martial artist. Not to mention a
certain part time homicidal, food additive obsessed _non_ chinese fiancee and a
meddlesome father and would be stepfather, one of whom turns into a _Snoring_ endangered
species photo opportunity at every splash of cold water. Not to _mention_ a certain
troglodyte, Undergarment thieving, midget pervert of the first order who was
obsessed with groping him... for whom a cold shower only made his perversion worse, not better.

America was going to be sweet. Ranma was looking forward to a little peace and quiet.

It just wasn't in the cards, that's all.

---

"No, Ranma. that letter makes a sound like a.... Growling cat" Akane said, evil glint in her eye.

"rrrrrr....." Ranma replied, looking about fearfully.

"Yeah!" Akane said brightly, face lighting up. "Just like that"

"Just shut up, All right?" Ranma said. "English is hard."

"Sure, Ranma. Whatever you say"

---



The tickets read: Flight 681 non-stop service from Narita to Seattle.
Two snacks and breakfast included.
Departure at 7:45 am
Please be at the Terminal one hour in advance to accommodate
pre-flight procedures.

"No problem," Ranma boasted "Heck, me an' pops _swam_ to china. This should be a
walk in the park." He was right of course, it SHOULD have been a walk in the park. All
that they would have to do is catch the red line from the local subway station and that would
take them to the underground level of the terminal.

Of course Ranma, of all people, should have known that nothing involving Furinkan ever
turned out to be that easy.
"Well, I'm going to go pack." Akane stood up and put on the facial expression of determination
she usually reserved for her cooking projects. "I want to be able to get a head start tomorrow
morning. You should pack too Ranma."

Ranma smirked. "Don't worry bout me Akane, I know a technique or two that'll help here."

Genma and Soun looked up from their go game "You don't mean..."

Lightning rumbled in the distance. "Yes, I'm going to use the Claws of the Hermit Crab."

Nabiki looked up from her English homework, her facility for morbid fascination piqued.
"'The Claws of the Hermit Crab'?, eh? This wouldn't be another Saotome super-secret
technique, would it? You know when you take a perfectly normal activity, strike a stupid
pose before and afterwards and give it a corny name?"

Genma and Ranma were dumbfounded, but Genma recovered quickly. "A martial artists
techniques are often derived from the lives they live outside of the dojo. A true master turns
even the pettiest of daily tasks into training." he pontificated.

Nabiki raised an eyebrow, "Oh really? Well then, watch this" she stood up and clenched a fist
in front of her, "Tendo-school super secret technique, Impenetrable Dragon Fortress!" and with
that she walked upstairs to her room and locked the door behind her.

The room was silent for a time.

Then Genma turned to Soun, "Why didn't you ever show me that one?"

Ranma slapped his forehead in disgust.
---

The week passed rather eventfully, but Ranma was able to gloss over the usual hi-jinks
because of his mounting anticipation. Suffice it to say that Genma and Soun made an
attempt and a half to get Akane and Ranma married before they left, Happosai stepped
up his groping in order to "Build up a reserve till you get back, you snot nosed punk",
all the while Ranma kept pouring hot water on Ryoga and booting him out of the house
whilst Ryoga got lost and accidentally took Ranma's backpack instead of his own, which
Ranma thought he did on purpose (Ranma couldn't find Ryoga's backpack). Shampoo was
left out of the loop, and Mousse, well, Mousse figured it out, but in yet another moment
of unconventional wisdom, merely said "Good luck" to what he hoped would soon be only
his former rival. That moment of wisdom, of course, was after his moment of very
conventional blind rage and cries of "Saotome Ranma, you COWARD" and a truly immense beating.
---
Akane spent most of the night agonizing over the task of packing. Would she need her barbells
in America? How many shoes should she take? Was this dress too tight for American standards?
Should she put her toothbrush in her check or carry-on baggage? Every item she chose to pack
only came after extensive deliberation.

Ranma on the other hand, was reading comic books. "Ahh, don't sweat it Akane, its not like you're
goin' on a trek through the desert or nothin'. You can probably get most of that junk in the US anyway."

"You should be taking care of your own bags Ranma, you won't be able to run back here for
anything you've forgotten." Akane closed her closet behind her as she spoke. "If you not ready
tomorrow the plane will leave withou..."

Ranma put his finger to his lips and hushed Akane. With the room quiet a small scraping sound
could be heard, emanating from Akane's top dresser drawer.

With a speed owed to intense practice Ranma dashed to the drawer and flung it open in a single
movement. "C'mon out you old letch! Now you're really in for it!"

Happosai lifted his head from the drawer with an indignant flourish, "You two have decided to
abandon your master and flee to America! I feel I'm entitled to a few going away presents."

Ranma closed his eyes and visualized a complex attack, "Gee, old lech, since you put it that
way...HERE ARE SOME CHESTNUTS I'D LIKE YOU TO HAVE!!" He pounced with
a barrage of punches and kicks too fast for the untrained eye to see as anything but a blur of
muscle, the first kick slammed shut the drawer, catching the yellow cotton panties of Akane's
that Happosai was absconding with. The other attacks all missed their marks, but served to
keep the old pervert from glomping Akane and making a further nusciance of himself.

"Whoo Hoo," Happosai chuckled, "You'll have to catch me first Ranma-my-boy!!" and with
that the pint-sized monstrosity leapt out the window put on the ridiculous mask he lovingly
referred to as his 'working clothes.'

Ranma growled his frustration, "Akane I gotta go, no pair of underwear in town is safe if I
don't stop him tonight."

In a rare display of understanding, Akane just nodded.

Ranma got back at 5:00 in the morning, completely exhausted. He stumbled up the stairs
and crawled under the covers. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow. He was also
awakened before his head hit the pillow by Soun Tendo opening the door to his room and
shouting a warm "Ohaio Gozaimasu!! Come on kids, the plane is leaving in two hours we've
got to hurry. C'mon Ranma Where's your bag?"

Ranma lurched to his feet and rubbed his eyes. He suddenly realized that he hadn't had the
time to pack the night before, he was thoroughly boned. "Uhh, yeah Mr.Tendo, why don't
you and pops," he kicked the panda awake "Go make sure Akane and Nabiki are ready
an I'll meet you downstairs."

As soon as they had gone Ranma opened his closet looking for his trusty hiking backpack,
that beaten up piece of canvas had seen him to china and back, and he'd lived out of it more
times than he cared to count since he came to the Tendo's, it was really the only thing he had
owned since before he was cursed that he still had. It was a part of him, really. And it was gone.

It took a moment for this to settle in. Ranma couldn't tell anyone in the house because he'd
already bragged about having it under control, he'd just have to use pop's backpack. Quickly
he ran over to the old man's closet and pulled out his father's things. The backpack was there,
and it was already half packed. Genma like to be ready to run out on the bill anytime he could.

"It looks like I really WILL have to use the claws of the hermit crab to be packed in time."
Ranma dumped all of his dresser drawers out onto the floor, he surveyed all of the belongings
he had acquired since having a semi permanent residence here at the Tendo's, it was a lot
more than he had expected it to be. "Well I guess I'll have to leave some of it behind then."

Ranma took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself for the Claws Of The Hermit Crab.
Like the hermit crab who carries his entire home on his back, a martial artist too must be able
to see what is essential to his survival and pack it away. Ranma opened his eyes and with
Amaguriken speed snatched the first things he noticed until the bag was stuffed full. Spent,
he walked downstairs for breakfast.

Ranma fell asleep four times on the subway ride to Narita Airport, Akane had noticed him
sleeping standing up and had struggled over to him on the stop before the terminal. Only to
be crushed up against him when the new passengers got on. Akane blushed and tried to push
away but the mass of people kept her in contact with her fiancée. Akane heaved a deep sigh,
and let herself relax. Although she'd rather be apart from him, she could get a little rest leaning
on him- it was only fair, after all, since he had already fallen asleep on her twice already.
He was pretty cute when he was asleep, anyways... without that loud, rude mouth to distract
you. Akane found herself justifying it in her mind...
<He might be a pervert, but you know what they say about the evil you know...>



And so the week came to an end. After 7 days of intensive language training, the various
Furinkan students had assembled at the airport, where they would be shipped off to American
host homes. Homes where at least one family member spoke Japanese. As an intensive learning
class, the trip still needed a Japanese English teacher. And get one they did.

"Hihi Students! there aren't any bad delinquents out there, are there?" Ninomiya Hinako asked
her assembled class. She meditated upon draining Saotome Ranma, who seemed trapped in
some little gloomy world of his own upon seeing her, but decided against it.

Principal Kuno was there too, strumming his ukelele. Kuno Tatewaki was making overtures to
Akane, Nabiki was collecting bets about on-air fights, and Ranma was talking to Ukyou.

Suddenly, Kuno turned from his dearest and most attentive love's affectionate uppercuts,
and turned his attention to the ukelele strumming madman, whose normally maniacal smile
had grown so wide it took up all of his face. He could hardly open his eyes, he was
smiling so wide.

"Hold, I say thee! Vile headmaster who does double as the father of myself and my truly
villainous sister, Tell me this- Is this not another of your insidious plots to lead away
Furinkan's mightiest Champion, Kuno Tatewaki, The Blue Thunder (Lighting crackles) of
Furinkan high so that you mightst institute a devious hair cutting policy in my conspicuous
absence?"

"Tacchi, How you be sain' dat to yo Own Fadda?" Replied the principal.

"I can't believe I didn't think of it before!" Exclaimed one student.

Nabiki stood in shock and horror <Kuno figured it out before me... I must be slipping...>
She rubbed her tired eyes nervously.

"Yeah, it did seem a little too convenient... not to mention Ranma made it on.. I

knew there was a fix in here somewhere!" replied another student.

"Ranma, what are we going to do?" Asked Akane. "We can't just leave the other students to his mercy!
We've got to do something!"

"I agree. Like beating the idea out of him!" Ranma cried, jumping into action.

Unfortunately for righteousness, Miss Hinako was watching, and reconsidered her
earlier grant of clemency.

"Happo Five Yen Satsu!" cried Miss Hinako.

*Plop* Went Ranma, falling to the floor like a soggy raisin.

Principal Kuno, seizing the moment, reached behind his back and pulled out a giant Ukulele,
which he dropped to the floor. With a mighty push, he shoved the remaining students as well
as Ranma's semi conscious body into the loading ramp.

"Ho ho ho. Be seein you keiki's at the end o' your school yeah!" shouted the headmaster over
the top of his giant Ukulele. Miss Hinako walked to the end of the
Ukulele, and with the
headmaster's help, moved it aside just enough for her to stride into the entry corridor.

There could have been an escape, but there were three boys at the opening,
and they were... a little... preoccupied... at the time.

"Oh my god... I can feel miss Hinako's..."

"Happo no yen coin return!" cried a sultry voice, and the tube was filled with a bright flash
of light- and screams.

--------
Three Days Earlier...

"Excuse me, can you point me to Furinkan High school?" asked Hibiki Ryoga.
The man appeared to be a police officer.

"Furinkan high school? that's Japanese, right?" asked the cop. He understood Japanese a bit.
That was nice, although Ryoga's english was probably good enough for this conversation
anyways.

Switching to english, Ryoga answered with a simple "Yes"

"Are you Japanese?"

"Well, yeah. Where is it?"

"It's 3000 miles away from here. Where are your parents, boy?"

"Ummm... I don't really know."

"Uh-huh. Are you here with a school or something?"

"No, I don't go to school." Ryoga replied. "Look, can I go?"

"Son, I think you better come with me"
--------

The "Please fasten seat belts" light went out above Tendo Nabiki's head. She wasn't
interested in sitting with the rest of the students, so she hopped up into the aisle
and moved up the aisle until she found a flight attendant.

"Excuse me" Nabiki asked to the back of the flight attendant.

"Yes?" replied the flight attendant chirpily. Nabiki was not one to miss the
artificial smile.

"Look. There's a whole row full of violent martial artists back there."

"Martial ARTISTS!" the flight attendant almost screamed. "I thought you were students!"

"We are. but some of them back there are also martial artists."

"Oh no. We normally put martial artists in cages in the cargo area! " she said.
continuing in a whisper- "They destroy the planes, you see."

"Oh, I see. Listen, I'll tell you what. I'll say what I can to keep them quiet, and
let you know which ones are which, if you'll upgrade me to first class."

The stewardess bit her lip and regarded Nabiki. "First class is pretty full... but
I'll see what I can do."

Nabiki smiled, and made her way back to camp chaos.

---
Ranma drowsily stumbled down the isle to his seat, in the center of the center row.
He was almost certain that Principal Kuno had planned it that way, but he didn't really
care. Ranma would be able to rest up on the flight and in eight hours he'd be miles and
miles away from the vast majority of his problems in Furinkan. Ranma was ready for a
little smooth sailing and relaxation. Heck maybe he'd even be able to concentrate on
curing himself of the curse for a change. Yeah, things were gonna be great in America.

Ranma caught a glimpse of Nabiki as he sat down; she looked more tired than he felt.
She was talking at a stewardess about something. Probably swindling her way into first
class or something. Ranma just shrugged his shoulders and buckled up.

The stewardess Nabiki had been talking to came up beside him, speaking gingerly;
"Would you like a complimentary sedati… er, bag of peanuts?"

"Yeah, sure." Ranma reclined in his chair, smushing Gosunkugi Hikaru's legs, "And
can ya get me a cup of ice water too? The salt makes me thirsty." The stewardess
smiled and put the peanuts and the water on his tray. To Ranma's surprise however,
she didn't leave.

Ranma gave her a sidelong glance, "Don'tcha have to see to the rest of the plane lady?"

She looked anxious, "I'm just making sure you're satisfied with the micky fi- I mean
peanuts they're a new recipe the airline's trying out."

"Lady don't worry, I'm sure they they're fine."

"We'll I'd really like to know for sure how you felt about them."

"All right already, I'll try 'em." Ranma tipped the bag back into his mouth and chomped
down the entire contents. The flight attendant looked on expectantly. Ranma licked his
teeth, "Y'know lady I think you oughtta switch to the old recipe this one tastes sorta
funny. Like medicine almost…." Ranma's voice trailed off as he collapsed onto his tray,
unconscious.

The stewardess grinned, "Yess, that's one down! Well, better clean up the spill." she giggled.

---

Kuno Tatewaki sat in his window seat, contemplating the wing. * Verily, it doth have
both the strength of Tendo Akane and the free flowing grace of the beauteous pig-tailed
girl...* he thought to himself. *Of course, it does not love me as well as they..." he
thought, priding himself on his good looks and suave ways with women. he looked once
again upon the graceful wing...
on the wing, he saw a small shriveled form playing with the flaps.

"AHHH!" he said, getting up and going to the aisle, and bumping into Tendo Nabiki.

"Ah. Kuno Baby. Just who I wanted to talk to."

"Nabiki, please remove yourself from my way. I must tell the captain of this aircraft
that there is a demon defiling it!"

Nabiki slapped her head. OF course this would happen to her.
"Look, Kuno-baby. Just sit down. You didn't see any gremlin or whatever."

"B-but"

"Look, I need you to keep quiet. That sorcerer Saotome is going to use a spell that
requires a noble warrior's spirit to be enraged. Just stay calm, and he won't be able
to keep you apart from the pig-tailed girl."

"Pig-tailed girl?.... But she is back in Japan! Oh, how I miss her beauty, her
vivacious..." he was cut off by Nabiki.

"Oh, Kuno-Baby, like she could just let a catch like you run out of town like that.
She's following you, and it won't be long before you see her again." Nabiki said, an
_evil_ grin spreading across her face.

"Ah, truly, she loves me well. Her feelings must have the strength of a raging hurricane,
an erupting Volcano, when she contemplates my heroic features. Truly, she loves me well."

"I'd say you're right about the feelings part, Kuno baby. Just remember to keep quiet,
or you won't see your pig-tailed girl ever again."

"You have my word, Tendo Nabiki."

"Good."

Nabiki looked away from Kuno over to the middle row- Ranma was unconscious. She didn't
have to worry about that. Now she could just go up to first class, and get some rest.
*God, I haven't slept since that dance fiasco... I bet that's why we're here in the
first place* she said with a yawn, rubbing her eyes. She felt the puffy bags, and
knew she must not look her best.
She strolled up into first class, and found the stewardess.

"We found you a seat, miss. This young lady was reserving it for her privacy, but has
agreed to allow you to be seated."

Nabiki shrugged her way through a thank-you to the stewardess, and sat down lightly in
the chair.

"Hi there. I'm Rei" said the girl next to her.
Nabiki turned and looked the girl up and down- she was slender, and tall. She was in
good shape, and pretty, not in a cute sort of way, like her sister Akane, but in a sultry
sort of way, a debutante sort of way.

"Hi." Nabiki said back simply.

"What are you going to America for?" the girl asked- her tone carried a genuine interest.

"What do you care?"

"I don't care, really. But it also might be interesting, and I live for the interesting."
replied the girl, ruffling her shoulder length blue hair. Light blue- like if you
stirred Akane and Shampoo's hair together in a vat.

"My life is already way too interesting." Nabiki replied.

"So tell me about it then. if you don't like the interesting, I could tell you about my
life."

Nabiki sighed. "All right. I'm on this plane because I was involved in a plot, along with
a few... associates of mine, to prevent our madman principal from shaving the student
body's heads."

"WhoA!" Rei replied. "That IS interesting. How'd you do it?"

"We stole his coconuts. He's got this Hawaiian fetish..."

"Fetish? Gross. a friend of mine had a boyfriend who crossdressed."

"that sounds familiar. Well, not really.... yeah, really." Nabiki replied, a smile
creeping on her face.

"So, he's got a coconut fetish, and you steal his nuts," Rei and Nabiki both let a little
snicker escape- "and now you're on a plane to America? How's that work?"

"Well, that was right at the start of the school year. Pineapple Nazi had to be there for
the opening of the school. But he'd just been back from America, where he'd opened up an
exchange program.."

Rei nodded, transfixed by the girl's _interesting_ story.
"Okay, so.. you're an exchange student? how's that work as punishment?"

"I don't know yet. You see, I figured out that we were being punished only a few minutes
ago... and that means it hasn't, and won't even occur to anyone else. The nut is
apparently more cunning than I thought."

"Okay... punishment?"

"Oh, yeah. I don't know if it's punishment, so much, as getting the major threats out
of the way. He's probably shaving heads back at good ol' Furinkan right now."

"Oh, so he's eliminating the competition through bribery, eh?"

"I somehow doubt this trip is going to be all fun, though..."

"Relax. It'll be interesting."

"That's what I'm afraid of!" Nabiki said.

"Why? If it ain't life threatening, let it slide, I say."

"That's easy for you to say. I get lethal doses of interest every day."

"Well, look at me. I'm an exchange student, like you. This might be the most interesting
thing that has ever happened to me. I watch too much T.V., I read romance novels and
a lot of manga- boys and girls'. I want to take part in interest, be interesting.
Like you. I want to travel the world, meet exciting people, and do amazing things.
I want adventure- and I think I'm going to get some of it. I'll be a female Indiana
Jones- dashing, sexy and ultra-cool."

"You certainly are interesting. you have a weird outlook on life. I'm actually not
interesting." Nabiki said with a smile.

"It keeps me out of trouble. Mostly."

"Does it make you happy, being the normal core of an interesting life?" Rei asked,
her tone earnest- she wasn't calling Nabiki "normal", so much as "Comparatively
uninteresting."

"Yeah."

"I'm glad for you." Rei responded.

Rei stood up, and removed her backpack from the overhead compartment.
Rei looked down at Nabiki with a grin on her face, and jerked her head towards the
aisle.

The captain, a handsome man in his late twenties/early thirties, was coming down
the aisle, making pleasantries.

Rei walked up to the captain, and bumped into him, squeezing by his side on her way
to the bathroom. Nabiki saw Rei's hand go where she imagined Rei's mother would not
be proud seeing it go. The pilot twitched noticeably.

Meanwhile...

Kuno looked out on the wing again. at first he saw nothing, but then his eyes, keen
as the finest hunter's, glimpsed tiny hands at work, sullying the wing of the great
mechanical bird, this thing of rare beauty which carried him aloft.

Kuno did what any man would do at this point.

He pushed the service call button.

#beep#

the stewardess made her way down the aisle, recongnizing the boy as one of Nabiki's
"Bewares".

"How may I help you?"

"There is an Oni on the wing! can you not do something?"
the stewardess looked out the window.

"I'm sorry sir, I don't see anything. Can I get anything for you? Tylenol, Ibuprofen,
Aspirin, Xanax? I recommend the Xanax"

"No woman! There is an oni on the wing!"

"I'm sorry sir. Why don't you just relax..."

"Fine! when we are torn asunder in the raging Atlantic, I will not be to blame! Curse
that Saotome... this must be one of his plots to ensnare my fierce warrior's spirit so
that he may vex both Akane Tendo and the pigtailed girl! Alas, I cannot refrain. Saotome,
I will smite thee, and save both Tendo Akane and the pigtailed girl!" cried the kendo
artist, jumping up from his seat and brushing the stewardess aside.

"We're over the Pacific, Sir..." she said weakly as she stumbled out of the enraged youth's way.

Kuno was so preoccupied by his need to talk to the pilot, he never did see the syringe of extra
strength sedative until after the flight attendant injected it. "Thou must be a minion of the evil
Saotomeee...." was the last thing he said for the rest of the flight.


--------
One Day Ago....

"Look here, boy. Until we find out where your parents are, we're going to have you stay
with a family here in town."

"Look, I told you already. I can take care of myself. Just point me towards Furinkan High
School and I'll be just fine."
Hibiki Ryoga looked at the officer.

"Look, son, I already told you. I can't just let a foreign minor go wandering off. It's
against the law for you to be here like this anyways! You need a Passport!"

Ryoga gulped a little bit. The law? he didn't want to mess with the law. He'd read that
it had long arms.

The cop smiled a little bit when the boy bought it- the poor kid. Abandoned on foreign
soil like that by his parents. The boy just kept denying the obvious- that his parents
had gotten rid of him. Lousy parents. They hadn't even declared him missing. It was like
they expected this to happen. His continuing insistence that he was just lost was his
own little way of blaming himself. Alan, the officer, was sure that he would calm down
and be happy if he would just see what life with a loving family was like- and he knew
just the family. Always willing to host foster children, and doubly fortuitous because
of the language problem, Gren Yoshikawa and his wife were the perfect solution. In a week,
the kid wouldn't want to go- and then they'd deal with the Japanese authorities about the
adoption.

--------
America

SeaTac international airport wasn't nearly as big as the bustling hub the students had
flown out of, Tokyo International, but nonetheless it was large and impressive. Plenty
of glass, cool insides, even cooler than the comfortable plane. It was September, and it
had still been pretty warm in Nerima when they had left. All these observations flowed
away like a daydream as Saotome Ranma faced the task ahead of him. He'd left behind a sea
of problems, but a very large lake had followed him here, and was no doubt going to try
and make him not notice the difference.

And right now, the blue waters of that misfortune looked like a 12 year old girl in a
yellow dress.
"All right students, this way! Be good all of you!" she said chirpily.

Akane on one side, Ukyou on the other,with Nabiki following straight behind. Kuno was on a
luggage cart that Nabiki had snagged from somewhere and was idly pulling along behind her.


most of the girls were giggling about something, while the guys were trying not to look too
touristy, and failing _miserably_. They gathered outside the gate, and waited in little
clusters- well, one big cluster, essentially centered around Akane, what with the Ranma
fan club missing save one. One, who of course, was glomping Ranma. Who, of course, was
getting chewed out by Akane. Who was of course, being harassed by Kuno(recently conscious),
from the luggage cart. Nabiki sat idly by, and took a look about to see if she
could see Rei. She didn't, and went back to watching the fray. She could hardly pull her
eyes away.

*I'm glad I'm not in there* Nabiki said to herself.
she sighed one last time before everybody's little disaster was interrupted.

Several Americans, in nice clothes, were gathering in a little group near the students,
and Nabiki assumed from the way they were looking at the students, they must be the
host families.

One man, near the front, popped open a briefcase, and began to remove cards from it.

*Name Cards*, Nabiki thought. *That avoids language problems.*

He moved around the crowd, calling out American names and handing cards to couples,
who then held them. One woman held up two cards- Kuonji Ukyou and Tendo Akane. Nabiki
could hardly keep from laughing out loud at the poor woman's fate. Of course, it could
be worse- she could get Ranma- like this woman over there- she looked kind of like
what Nabiki imagined Kasumi would look like after she had a few kids- nice, radiating
sweetness and still a beautiful woman. She had the card up for Gosunkugi Hikaru, too.
That was alright. Other than a few candles setting off a fire alarm or two, he was damn
harmless.
an nice looking older woman held up a sign with Nabiki's name on it. Nabiki walked over,
and introduced herself in her pained but practiced english...

---------------

Ranma watched as the people held their signs up, with people's names on them.
Ranma saw Akane's name. "Hey Akane, there we are. Over there." he said, and unthinkingly,
grabbed her hand and brought her through the crowd of students moving forward.

"You must be Tendo Akane" said the woman, a nice looking redhead with wavy hair in her
early thirties. "I'm Jackie Morris, pleased to meet you." she said, sticking out her
hand. Akane shook it- the woman had a strong grip, although she was obviously no
martial artist.

"So, etoh... where are we going?" Ranma asked.

"Is this your boyfriend?" Jackie asked Akane.

Akane looked stunned, then confused, then she uttered in halting english- "That not-smart
girl toucher? No."

Jackie shrugged. "Well, he isn't staying at our house."

"What?" the two of them cried in japanese.

"Nanoo nanoo?" replied Jackie, a puzzled look on her face.

Ranma spun around in reply to a tap on his shoulder.
"Ano...are you Ranma Saotome?" asked a very pretty older japanese woman- 40, Ranma
guessed.
Ranma had paid extra special attention to this part of class. "Yeah, I'm Ranma
Saotome of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts." he said smugly.
She just smiled. "I'm Sylvie, and I'll be your host mother"
Ranma chased an errant thought.

Akane's host mother spoke up. "Hiya, Sylvie" Jackie said.(in english)

"Hello, Jackie-san" Sylvie replied.

Ranma looked at Akane. He wasn't going to be under the same roof as her. That
thought brought a strange feeling
to him, that he wasn't ready to admit to himself. His chest felt a little
constricted, he was taking short, slow breaths,
and he was looking right at her.

"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow, Ranma"

"No escaping the inevitable, is there?" Ranma said. No matter how hard he tried,
he couldn't even kind of stop himself.

"JERK!" Akane shouted as she whacked him upside the head.

The group piled out of the airport after having grabbed their luggage from the
claim. Ranma ended up carrying Ukyou's
and Akane's in addition to his own, but was startled not to receive sympathy from
any of his fellow students. <Hmph.... some friends they are> Ranma thought to himself.

---
Sylvie's home was awfully large. They put him to rest in a room two times as large
as the Tendo dining room. It had three beds at opposite ends of the rooms, each with
their own nightstand and bookshelf.

"you can sleep in the triplet's room here. Pick whichever one you like." Sylvie said
with a grin, and patted Ranma on the back hard enough to scoot him into the room.
One end of the room had the wall decorated with maps and pictures of far off places, the
other end had models, action figures and sports cards on the wall, many of manga and
anime Ranma recognized and a few he even read. The third section
had a T.V., a Playstation, as well as being decorated with movie posters. Ranma recognized
"Man on the Moon". All had plenty of athletic trophies.

Gosunkugi looked into the room, a face of dread marked clearly. It wasn't that he was
afraid of the room- oh no. He was in dread of the scenes between him and Ranma that
were nightmarrishly playing in his imagination.

Ranma picked the action figures and the sports cards, and sat down on the bed.

"Well, Ranma-san, Hikaru-san" Sylvie said gently in japanese. "We'll let you go to sleep."

Gosunkugi picked the TV wall and sat down. In his relatively active and informed (As far as
America was concerned) mind, Hikaru set out on a mental journey to figure out why such a
large house had only one bedroom for their three boys. Why hadn't they put them in one of
the other rooms?

Ranma saw wisdom in Sylvie's words, and quickly 'hito de sacku'.


---
Jackie brought Akane and Ukyou back to a very middle class home. It was an American middle
class home, so it was as nice as say, Ryoga's, back in Japan.

"Here is my house, hope you like it" Jackie stated simply as she opened the door. "It gets
pretty hectic around here sometimes, but we cleaned up for you."

Inside, the girls found a living room with two couches, a big TV, a coffee table, a man, a
15 year old girl and a little girl, maybe 5 years old.

"This is my husband, Jack. Jack, this is Akane, and her friend, Ukyou"

Ukyou winced slightly at being called Akane's "friend". Of course, she knew they probably
were friends, but still, Akane was a rival. Not much of a rival, but a rival nonetheless.

"Pleased to meet you" Jack said pleasantly. His voice sounded tired, and there were bags
under his eyes.

"Jack had to work tonight, so he wasn't able to come meet you at the airport... but you'll
be able to talk when he's less tired. He's had a long day" Jackie explained.

Akane struggled, but understood what Jackie was saying. "I understand" she said demurely.
Her shy side was being brought out. Ukyou's english wasn't even as good as Akane's, so she
just nodded.

Jackie threw an arm around her shoulder. "Don't be shy. Come on. This is my daughter Rose,
here. She's 15 and a half" she said lightheartedly. Rose looked up, smiled, and said hello
and turned back to the T.V.
"Rose, get up here and properly introduce yourself to our guests!. Sometimes she can be so
lazy!" she added as
an aside to Akane.

Rose got up, and made her way around the couch as her mother got to the "Lazy" part.
"MooooM!"

"And that's my other daughter, Posie"
"She is very cute" Akane said, looking at the sleeping little girl. It was true, she was cute.

"ano..."

"Yes, Akane?" Jackie asked.

"Your name is Jackie, and his name is Jack?"

"Yeah. Confusing, isn't it? ah, the things I put up with for love" came Jackie's world weary,
yet obviously happy reply.

"That's my line, dear" came Jack's reply.

Akane understood, and started to laugh.
-------
Nabiki strolled with her host Mother, Anna, into her home. It wasn't as big as the
Tendo Dojo, although it was if you didn't count the actual Dojo. It was white, with paneled walls.
Big windows shone into what must be a living room, which had bookshelves brimming with books
visible from the windows outside. It was nice- definitely not up to Kasumi's cleanliness standard,
but nice nonetheless.

Anna turned to Nabiki. "You'll be staying in my son's bedroom, over there." she said, pointing to
a door at the end of the well furnished living room.

Nabiki smiled. "Thank you, Anna"

"I'm glad you call me Anna. I can't bear formality."

"Me either."

"Your english is very good."

"My vocabulary is all right, but the rest.. is okay. I worked really hard so I wouldn't sound..."
Nabiki started, a thoughtful look on her face.

"You sound very educated." Anna said, smiling. "Much better than mine when I started."

"Well, where I'm from we have this girl who always comes by to see my sister's... umm.. Iinazuke..
it means they are going to get married..."

"Fiancee?" Anna supplied.

"Yeah. And she doesn't speak Japanese well at all, so she always sounds even dumber than she is."

"So you don't like this girl? Why is she visiting your sister's fiancee, anyways?"

Nabiki's eyelids dropped halfway down, forming her usual sly look. "Oh, you'll see soon enough,
I suppose."

----

"Honey, I'm home!" Called Gren through the doorway of his home. He turned to his guest, giving
him a smile. "This is my home. Come on in, make yourself at home."

Ryoga smiled back. This guy had been awfully nice. He hoped he could get out of here pretty soon,
as soon as the deal with his parents was cleared up. Still, getting away from Akane would
help him clear his head and make his focus on defeating Ranma that much easier.

"Thank you." the lost boy replied.

He walked inside, and slid his shoes over next to a pair of worn chinese slippers. <That's
odd...> he thought, his mind occupied elsewhere.

Gren grabbed his shoulder, and looked him in the eyes. "I mean it. Make yourself at home.
I'll show you where you'll be staying. And you can speak japanese as much as you need, but
since I'll be enrolling you in school tomorrow, we should definitely practice your english."

"Hai." Ryoga replied.

"Don't get smart with me, kid." Gren said, and then laughed.

He and Ryoga walked past the entranceway, covered in pictures of Gren, and his lovely wife.
Ryoga imagined himself with Akane in the pictures as he walked by. They obviously had had a
large family- three children. It was interesting how
their children had turned out- One had a slender build, one had a medium build, and the other
was almost as big as Ryoga.


"Looking at the family, eh?" asked Gren.

Ryoga shook himself out of his daydream. "Oh. Yeah. you look happy."

Gren smiled brightly. "I think we are."

They reached the hallway, and Gren pointed down the hallway. "It's that one there- the open door."

Ryoga smiled. "Thank you." he said, and made his way down.
Since he could see his destination from his starting point, Ryoga did _not_ get lost.

Gren made his way down to the kitchen, where he saw his wife.

"Hello, dear."

"Hello, sweetie." Gren replied.

"How was your day?" Gren's wife asked.

"Well, Alan called, and asked me to put up a runaway. He might not even be a runaway though-
it looks like he was abandoned. He's Japanese."

"Oh. I suppose you could have told me about this?" she asked, a faint look of displeasure
crossing her face.

"I could have, but I know what you would have said. Ever since the boys left, it's been
too quiet."

"Well, we do have those two exchange students."

"Huh? Oh, was that today?" Gren said.

"Yes, dear. You're right though, I don't mind. They'll probably be more comfortable having
some more Japanese kids around the house. They'll get along just fine."


----------

Meanwhile

----------

Ryoga walked through the doorway, congratulating himself for being in the same house he
started in, and reached inside for the light. He flicked the switch up, and the light
filled the room.

Ryoga's eyes alighted upon a gaunt figure, whose eyes were rimmed with dark circles as
though he had not slept for twenty years- quite a feat, given the boy was obviously a teenager.
As a matter of fact...

You?!" screamed Gosunkugi Hikaru, obviously frightened to be in place for this meeting.
Visions of Ranma and Ryoga fighting and his body being torn apart by loose pieces of the
destroyed surroundings danced through his overactive imagination.

Ryoga's eyes shot wide open as he took in this surprise. <Here? Of all places?>

Ranma, as is his way, picked just this moment to sit up.

"Hey, what's all the racket? What's going on?" he said, bringing his bleary eyes into focus
on Ryoga's face. "You!" he said, hopping out of his bed, an angry scowl plastered on his face.
"rrrRanmaaa!" Ryoga began, as usual- blinded by rage, the startling coincidence was lost
on the two boys.

"You stole my backpack!" Ryoga accused.

"What do you mean? you stole MY backpack! And that's my shirt you're wearing!" Ranma
countered. The lost boy was indeed wearing one of Ranma's signature blue silk shirts.

The two closed across the room, and began to fight. Ryoga opened with a punch, which
Ranma avoided, while Ranma opened with a kick that glanced off Ryoga's head. The two
degenerated into a floor based brawl.

Gosunkugi had had enough.

"For the love of the Kami, knock it off!" he screamed. "We are guests, if you use your heads for
something more than hitting each other to remember! Holy COW!"

Ranma and Ryoga both turned to Gosunkugi, then returned to their battle.
---------
Meanwhile, downstairs...
---------
"Ah, it's good to have boys back in the house." Sylvie sighed happily.

"I'll say, honey. I can't sleep with all the quiet going on." Gren replied.

----------
Meanwhile, across the Pacific Ocean...
----------

[Two days Ago]
"you mean Ranma no here?" asked a bubbly, purple haired vision of feminine pulchritude.

"that's Right. Ranma and Akane have been selected as exchange students to an American high
school" replied a perky, long haired vision of domestic femininity. She was pretty beautiful herself.

"Ranma... in... America?"

"That's right, Shampoo."

Shampoo looked thoughtful for a second. <If Ranma's in America, then violent girl will be able
to seduce him! he's mine, and I won't just let her get away with that.>

"America. Where go at America?"

"Seattle, Washington"

"XieXie" replied Shampoo, speaking her native tongue. Kasumi would guess it's meaning,
anyways. She had known how to say thank you when she first got here- it wouldn't hurt
them to learn a little of her language, anyways. After all, they were close friends of the family.
They'd have to visit Ranma and her back in China, she supposed.
Just not too often.

----------
Elsewhere...
----------
"My darling Ranma has been spirited away by my own father! oh, what tragedy!"

"Yes, mistress Kuno. I am sure he misses you terribly."

"I must take up and follow him immediately and save him from the clutches of that horrible
horrible Tendo Akane, and her red haired harlot friend!"

"now... now... mistress Kuno... don't they say that Absence makes the heart grow fonder?"
replied the loyal Ninja. She needed to follow Ranma like a marshmallow needs a sledgehammer.
"I am sure the merest moment longer than it will take me to follow him will be more than enough
to drive his already longing heart into undescribable passion... Oh, my Darling Ranma-Sama...
do not worry, Your Kodachi is on her way!"

----------
yet elsewhere....
----------

He was ready. it had been so long since he had seen her, he was sure she'd be all over her anger
towards him. Or maybe, just maybe, she'd forgotten him entirely. Although it would be painful, it
might just be better that way- they could start off fresh. She wouldn't think him such a pervert. her
fiery temper- she was like a goddess brought to earth. Of course, there had been others... lots of
others, actually... but there was still only one for him.
He made his way to her home, and walked in through the door.

Seeing only another girl, giving him an odd look, he called out her name.

/
Konatsu looked on in amazement as a Coconut tree, honest to goodness, with real coconuts growing
on it, walked through the door of the restaurant. He was even more puzzled when it called for Ukyou.

"Can... I ... help you, Mr. Coconut Tree?" Asked the pretty ninja sweetly.

"Is Ukyou-sama not here?" asked the coconut tree.
"She's in America." replied the ninja. "Myself and some exchange students are manning the store."

As if on cue, a huge gout of flame erupted from behind the grill, and two teenaged boys leaped over
it to freedom. As the flame disappeared, a remaining charred teen appeared from within the smoke.

"Oh, sure. you can 'handle it'. But of course, you couldn't even handle GIVING ME A WARNING!"
screamed the charred boy.

"Look, a warning is a clue. And you just can't get a clue." replied one of the boys.

"You can't even be given one. Or even stapled to one." added the other boy sagely.

Konatsu regarded the coconut tree with the look of having the world's weight on his.. ah..her.. ah...
whatever's shoulders.

"Amyways, she'll be back after the school year is over" stated the Kunoichi.

The coconut tree seemed to wilt as Konatsu watched. "Thanks, then" it said glumly, before shuffling
out of the restaurant.

-------------
Jesus, there's a lot of meanwhiles and elsewheres, aren't there?
-------------

Principal Kuno sat about his office. He just couldn't focus today- no matter how much the thrill of
Hawaii-anizing Furinkan was weighing on him, he couldn't pay complete attention to his work. He
thought for a while about what was bothering him, and when he couldn't think of anything, he left to
stroll about town on a walk.

-------------

For a moment, Gosunkugi Hikaru had thought that things were going to calm down between Ranma
and Ryoga. He now knew much better. the fight had looked like it was going to end, but the two
were struggling back to their feet (Only because they kept stopping the getting up process in order to
hit each other.) Gosunkugi surmised that Ranma must have been pretty tired for Ryoga to get in so
many hits. Not that the bandanna clad boy looked so hot himself.
So, in a fit of brilliance, Hikaru made a break for it.

---
"Well, that's a big yell. I suppose it's my motherly duty to go and see what's going on?" Sylvie asked her husband.

"Motherly what? you just want to watch. Well, you can go first, just so long as you don't block my view."

"It's so good to have children back in the house."
---
Principal Kuno strolled down a street filled with vendors. He purchased a pineapple ice from a
vendor and strolled down the road, deep in thought.

<Thead' beah it! I be worryin' that by lil' Tacchi be missin his fadda! I always be leavin him at
home, but now I's at home and he a goan ovah to America. I bet Tacchi ver' homesick!>

And with that, principal Kuno set off in search of something that would remind Tatewaki of home.
---
Hikaru leapt out the door and turned down the hall, boucing off the wall across from the door
painfully for extra speed. Just there, he bumped into his host mother.

Hikaru looked at her nervously. "Ah... um... They're... they're fighting, Mrs. Yoshikawa."

All of a sudden, as if on cue, Ryoga's body flew out the doorway, and _through_ the wall
across from it. He crashed down into the hole he made, until only his feet were visible.

With a cry of "rrrrRRRANMA!" he leapt out of the hole and returned to the battle.

"Strong...Healthy boys!" muttered Sylvie excitedly.

"They're gonna wreck your home, Mrs. Yoshikawa!" Hikaru nigh screamed.

Ryoga AND Ranma flew out into the hallway, beating on each other tremendously.
Cries of "Ow" and "you'll pay for that" rang down the wide hallway.

"So... healthy.... just like my own boys!"

"Don't you care that they're going to destroy your house, Mrs. Yoshikawa?" Hikaru
asked, the nervousness fading. He was resigned to his fate, now.

"Call me Sylvie, dear. And no, we've got good insurance. Say, why don't you join them!"
added the relatively normal looking woman. She shot out her hand with martial speed,
spun Hikaru by the shoulder, and pushed him into the fray.

"AaaaaAAAAAH!" screamed Hikaru as he bumbled his way into the battle.

Sylvie heard footsteps behind her, and leaned back as she fet her husband's arms around her.

"It's like home again." he said, as Ranma swung Ryoga's still struggling body in a wide arc
that demolished more of the wall.

"Like home." she sighed contentedly.
---
<What to buy my Tacchi that will remin' him o home!> Principal Kuno pondered as he
discarded his pineapple ice. As he did, he caught his reflection in a shop window.

"Ah HAH! I bea Gettin' it! Hol' on Tacchi! your Fadda beah givin you what you need!"

Then he watched in confusion as what looked like a garbage can with a unicycle wheel
roll by, with a kid in a blue shirt with a yellow design on the front clutching two... were
they motorcycle handles? didn't look like it. The garbage can had eyes painted or built
into the front...

"Your father said to stay put, Scott!" it said.

Principal Kuno shrugged. He heard voices all the time. Garbage cans weren't all that surprising.

---

Nabiki was walking. Kasumi used to say that cleaning the kitchen at night helped her fall
asleep, but Nabiki wasn't really the kitchen cleaning type. Besides, he host mother had
probably cleaned the kitchen before she got there. So she'd settled for a little walk in the
warm night air.

She walked over towards a park that looked pretty dark. <I better be careful not to get lost...>
As she walked down a cement path, she caught a little bit of a light blue out of the corner of her eye.

"Rei?" Nabiki asked.

Nothing replied.

Nabiki shrugged and continued her walk.

As she passed through a pathway overgrown with trees...
*Rustle*

"Who's there!" Nabiki said nervously.

A twig snapped behind her, and she spun around with a backhand. She wasn't any Ranma,
or even an Akane, but she did live at a dojo. Wht kind of father would hers be if he couldn't
teach her to defend herself against...

a 100 pound Japanese girl.

"Owwwwww.... Nabiki, wat'd you do that for?" asked Rei.
"You were sneaking up on me!" Nabiki exclaimed. "What did you expect from a single girl
alone at night?"

"You didn't have to hit me in the ear, you know." Rei replied, nonplussed.

"You deserved it!"

"You still didn't have to hit me in the ear."

"So, what are you doing out here?"

"I couldn't sleep" replied the blue haired girl.

"You either?" Nabiki said. "I haven't been able to sleep for two weeks."

"You know, we should do something really exciting. That would get the adrenaline
pumping, get us real nervous. Then afterwards, we could sleep out of exhaustion and relief."

"Oh, no. No more excitement for today."

"Aw, come on. Please? for a friend?"

"Since when were we friends? we just met on a plane yesterday." Nabiki answered with a
half lidded look of disdain.

"What better reason to be friends? we shared a horrible experience together." Rei asked.

"What horrible experience?" Nabiki asked, flustered.

"Airline food" stated the stately young woman.

Nabiki couldn't help it, and she laughed.

"Shhh.... shut up! I have just the thing to put us to sleep, but we have to be quiet!" Rei
whispered hoarsely.

"Okay, okay. What is it?" Nabiki asked. She'd be sure to hold all of this over Rei in the future...

"It's... a time capsule."

"A what?"

"People bury stuff in em' so that people from later periods will be able to tell wha they lived like.
There's one int his park- I saw a sign for it- and they're gonna open it up next july."

"I'm not gonna steal a time capsule!"

"Of course not. We're going to steal what's in it."

"That is horrible!" Nabiki said. She didn't think she liked this idea of Rei's at all.

"I know. We'll have to come up with a much better adventure next time. We've got to have
standards, after all." Rei said, grabbing Nabiki's hand and dragging her along.

"Who said anything about a next time!" Nabiki said angrily as she was dragged along.

-----
Principal Kuno was headed back to the school. Of course, Rob's Hawaiian products
would no longer have anything to do with him, but he could find his target in other ways...

Just then, a coconut tree walked across his path.

"Hootah! My prayahs be answered!" cried the principal, as he snatched up the coconut
tree he had been looking for and dragged it off to be shipped, despite it's insistence that
it was not a tree. He could clearly see that it _was_ a tree after all, and he was used to
hearing voices telling him things like that.

--------------

The Next Day

--------------

Ukyou made her way down the wide street towards the house where Ranma was staying.
The wide street, lined on each side with trees, was a wonder for someone who had spent
so much time in Tokyo, or even anywhere in Japan, for that matter. <Except maybe Ryoga>
she snickered to herself.

a blur of purple and a familiar ringing sound jarred her out of her humourous recollection.

Ukyou watched in amazement as the all too familiar Chinese Amazon flew down the
unfamiliar street on her bike, her upturned hand holding a tray of steaming buns.

As suddenly as it had begun, Ukyou shook herself free of the amazement and ground
her teeth in frustration. She'd be damned if she was just going to let that Chinese hussy
ruin everything.

Shampoo pedaled along, humming merrily to herself. Ranma was so funny to think he
could just get away like that. IT had hurt her feelings, sure, but she would forgive him.
He was Ranma, after all. Shampoo began a popular fantasy of hers where Ranma
suddenly realized how much Shampoo's various efforts to ensnare his love meant,
and returned them and...

Shampoo's world disappeared into a cloud of flowers and hearts as she sighed a
contented little sigh.

Then that world disappeared into a cloud of pavement.

Ukyou looked on at the wrecked amazon. The manhole cover had trashed the
bike and sent her face first into the pavement, which had shattered under the impact.
<Uh-oh... I think I may have overdone it!> Ukyou lamented internally. Sure,
she disliked Shampoo, but killing her hadn't been on the agenda. She'd just
been so furious to see her here, of all places. She ran over to the wrecked girl,
and rolled her over.

Shampoo was breathing, and fluttered her eyes open.

"Spatula Girl!" she said, raising her arm to slap Ukyou, who defended herself.

"What do you think you're doing, Shampoo? Trying to make Ranma eat these buns?"

"None Of Spatula Girl's Business! Now get off Shampoo before Shampoo give kiss of death."

"Anytime, Sugar. But first, you're looking a little slim. I think you need to put some weight on."

With that, the Okonomiyaki chef grabbed one of the overturned meat buns, and jammed
it into Shampoo's mouth. Shampoo struggled fiercely, but even her superioir strength
was not enough to overcome the advantage of position that Ukyou had. Ukyou held
the amazon's lips shut and her nose closed.

"Eat it, Sugar. you'll feel better."

Shampoo shook her head violently.

"Don't worry, honey, if it's some kind of love trinket, I won't go for you any more than
Ranma does." Ukyou sneered.

Shampoo began to chew.

"That's a girl." Ukyou said. <What am I doing? am I sinking to her level?>

Her rage disappearing, Ukyou stood up, letting go of the fallen Amazon.
"Look, Shampoo, I'm sorry. I was just a little surprised to see you here..."

Shampoo rose to her feet, her face smudged with a little dirt. Her beautiful face
was nothing but an expression of pure rage.

"Look, Shampoo, I'm sorry. What were those buns, anyways?" Ukyou asked nervously.
Shampoo took a strange look on her face, as if she was trying to swallow. Then, in a torn
sounding voice, she revealed the secret of the buns.

"Is Magic tell-truth buns"

"What were you going to do with that?" Ukyou asked, perplexed. As Shampoo began to
stomp towards her, she took a step back. Shampoo had a look Ukyou had never seen
before, and she didn't want to mess with it.

"Make. Ranma. Say. He. Love. Shampoo." Shampoo spat angrily.

"Ranchan loves me, not you!" Ukyou said reflexively.

"Shampoo fight you now." the Amazon stated.

Her fires of wrath stoked, Ukyou responded. "Anytime, Sugar."
Ukyou reached up and unlimbered her battle spatula, bringing it down at a diagonal angle
as she usually did. But before her swing could be completed, Shampoo closed the
difference between them, holding Ukyou's elbow up with an iron grip that Ukyou
could feel grinding on her very bones.

"Owwww." said Ukyou, before the air was brutally evacuated from her lungs by
Shampoo's other hand meeting with her stomach.

Ukyou was seriously winded by the blow, but she hadn't trained hard with her
Spatula by the raging sea for nothing. She hopped back, giving herself room to
swing.

Shampoo charged forward, right where Ukyou had wanted her to. With a
colossal swing, Ukyou brought the side of her spatula right into Shampoo's side...

Or so she would have, if Shampoo hadn't nimbly flipped over the spatula-
Shampoo's airborne momentum carried her foot first into Ukyou's stomach.

Ukyou collapsed to the ground, gasping for breath.

Shampoo reached down and picked up her fallen rival. "Shampoo see how you
like it." she said, pulling Ukyou into an upright position with one hand. Ukyou tried
to pant for mercy, but all that came out was a ragged gasp for air. She threw a
punch, which Shampoo painfully chopped aside via her forearm.

<I always thought that we were equals...> Ukyou thought as Shampoo punched
her in the gut twice more. Shampoo's fist then connected with Ukyou's chin, launching
her up more than twenty feet. She watched, already in agony, as Shampoo prepared a
kick for her trip down.

Ukyou didn't remember it.

Mousse swept around the building that Cologne had rented. In a day or two, the equipment
from Japan would arrive, and the Nekohanten would reopen, here in America. Mousse, to be
truthful, was kind of happy about this arrangement. Of course, Ranma was still around, but even
Mousse, self deluding as he is, hadn't dared hope that Ranma would be out of the equasion for
long. Still, America had wider, more open spaces, cleaner air, and a freer attitude.

Not to mention much better eyecare.

Mousse allowed himself a common daydream in which, his vision restored, he defeated Ranma
and made Shampoo his wife. In a flash, she defamed every bit of Ranma in comparison with the
mighty invincible warrior of the gods that he had become, Mousse.

His daydream was, as was becoming a pattern, shattered by the slam of the heavy wooden door
that signified Shampoo's arrival.

"Shampoo, my love! Where have you been?" he cried out.

Shampoo's face twisted up, and it looked like she was swallowing. Then, a look of resignment
crossed her face.

"Shampoo in fight with Spatula Girl."

"Kuonji? but why?"

"She ambush me, force me to eat tell truth bun for Ranma" Shampoo stated, a look of sheer
terror across her face.

"She made you eat one?" Mousse asked, his face beginning to turn red with anger.

"Yes." Shampoo stated simply.

Upon Mousse's shoulders, or, at least in the shoulders of his mind, appeared two little figures.

"You should be concerned with how to help Shampoo right now, Mousse." said Chibi-Kasumi.

"Oh, forget that. Ask her how she feels about you. When are you going to have an opportunity
like this again?" replied Chibi-Nabiki, fondling her spiked tail with one hand.

"Shampoo may be hurt by your actions, Mousse. She mey not forgive you." stated
Chibi-Kasumi, illuminated by her halo.

"So what? you can ask her how to make it up to her, Mousse." replied Chibi-Nabiki,
disinterestedly feeling the tip of her horns for sharpness.

"And what if she says she doesn't love you, Mousse? how will you feel?" Chibi-Kasumi
said, for once fixing a glare on her imaginary Chibi-little sister.

"Even if she does, Mousse, you can ask her how you could be more of a man and more
loveable to her. If you don't do this, I see wedding bells in your future. As in, you being
served at Shampoo and Ranma's wedding!" Nabiki stated, selling ever point.

"I don't... know..." Mousse stumbled verbally.

Shampoo stared at Mousse as he talked to himself.

"It's wrong, Mousse. Haven't you always wanted to win Shampoo's love fairly?"
stated Chibi-Kasumi.

"This is fair. Shampoo has always treated you like dirt, Mousse. And it's not like
the love is artificial. She's just telling you what she should have told you, her _destined_
husband, from the beginning. you're just taking what is yours. She'll be happier this way."

Chibi Kasumi tuned her back.

"Shampoo would do it if the tables were turned, Mousse. I'd bet 100,000 yen on this
at 1 to 20 odds."

Mousse took on a look of being impressed before Shampoo's dumbfounded eyes.

"Mousse? Is you okay?"

<If Nabiki'd bet money on it, then it's definetely the way to go...>

"Shampoo, How do.... er... ah... you ... feel about me?"

Shampoo's face contorted with pure dread.
<No! If I tell him, he'll double, triple his efforts!>
her face scrunched up. Her hands slapped to her mouth. she made repeated gulping
sounds as she tried to swallow the very words as they tore through her throat and out
her mouth.

[I like you a lot, Mousse. I just don't love you.] she stated in Chinese.

Mousse looked on, stunned.

Chibi Nabiki pressed. "Go on, stupid. Ask her some more questions."

"Well, then, Shampoo, why do you treat me so bad?"

"Because Shampoo want you to go away. Shampoo no want you to get hurt. Rather
you hate Shampoo. But you no listen."

At this point, Shampoo brought her hand out in a wide chopping arc- the kind that was
clear as water to see, but hurt like the Devil himself- She'd stop Mousse from asking any
more questions.
Mousse stepped back, and the knife hand only connected like a slap, turning his head
to the side. Red faced, he turned back to Shampoo.

"How can I do it, Shampoo? Make you love me?"

Shampoo tripled her efforts to stop herself, to absolutely no avail.

"Shampoo no know. Be more of man."

"How? by curing myself of the curse?" Mousse asked.

"No, that no matter to Shampoo. Airen turn to girl, see? no, be more manly."

"Are you going to hold this against me, Shampoo?" Mousse asked nervously.

"Yes." Shampoo stated grimly. The words hadn't even forced themselves.
She fixed Mousse with a threatening glare.

"How can I be more of a man?"
"No be so clingy. Mousse try be independent. No act like Shampoo center of
Universe. Have own opinion, and no be so stupid all time." Shampoo said, sighing.

With that, Mousse turned his back.

"I can do it for you, Shampoo! I can do it! I will be leaving on a training trip, to
make myself more of a man. And when I return, I will make you my bride!"
Mousse gloated, laughing madly to himself.

"What's going on here?" Cologne asked. Both Amazon teens whirled to face the
matriarch, who perched on her staff looking curiously at the two of them. Their
faces were identical masks of shame and fear, but their voices said very different
things.

"Oh, Nothing.. ahahahaha... matriarch."

Shampoo rolled her eyes. "Shampoo forced to eat tell truth buns by spatula girl.
Mousse ask Shampoo how to make Shampoo fall in love with Mousse." Shampoo
summarized.

It was a good thing Mousse had already packed, because Air Cologne has very
sudden departures.

And terrible inflight service.

---
A tall, impressive figure, clad in an exquisitely tailored businessman style suit
examined the package.

"So, it's from Kuno, is it?" it began in a sexy, scottish accented drawl that causes
women to lose control of their knees and tongues.

"Yes sir. But I believe I have just the thing." replied a sultry woman's voice in a
heavy british accent. She was as used to it as a woman could get, by now.

The package was loaded into a heavy iron box.

"There's no telling how dangerous this thing could be." said the woman. "So
we have to be absolutely careful."

"But it was addressed to his son." added a third voice, also in a british accent.
This time it was male. "I didn't see any weapon hardpoints, old chap."

"But he's a madman. it could be a haircutting implement of devious efficiency."
said the woman.

*BOOM*
just then, a bright flash leaked slightly from the rim of the box the package had
been sealed in.

"It's settled. The nut's plot has been cracked." said the figure.

the third voice groaned, while the woman swooned.

---
Ranma's eyes flew open. He was sore, that much he knew, and he was sleeping
on an uneven surface.

He sat up groggily, and looked around. <Rubble...> he thought. <Musta been in
a fight...> he surmised. He looked around, and found that he had been sleeping
on top of the unconscious Gosunkugi Hikaru. Ryoga was unconscious as well,
planted in the wall aside the doorframe, lower body in their room, upper body
facing Ranma. With a snort, his head bobbed up as well, looking Ranma in the
eyes.

"Hey Ryoga, you little pig. Long time no see." Ranma said with a grin.

"Shut up, Ranma. Why did you attack me?"

"What do you mean 'why'? Like you ever need a reason! besides, you stole my
backpack!" Ranma said, miffed.

"Oh. Ahhehe... Sorry..." Ryoga said. "It's by the doorway."

"Guess I better go get it. It could take you all day."

"Shut up, Ranma."

As Ranma got up, he squeezed the air out of Gosunkugi. With a gasp, he woke
up as well.

The three of them shuffled down the stairs, too tired to fight much, and made their
way to the kitchen, where they were greeted by the delicious smell of fresh baked
bread, eggs and bacon.

"Hey, bacon!" Ranma said cheerfully as he reached the bottom step. "Nothing's
better than a _well_ cooked piece of bacon!"

"Grrr....."

"Ranma, use your english please!" came Sylvie's call from the kitchen.

"Sorry, Ma'm" Ranma replied, switching to his english.

"Ranma, you speak english?" Ryoga asked.

"Yeah." Ranma replied in a thick accent. However, his accent didn't sound meek,
as a lot of japanese speakers do. It sounded, well, like Ranma.
"Your accent is good, Ryoga."

"Well, I learn by copying english spoke person only" replied Ryoga, trying to piece
together the sentence he wanted. "except I know few words" he finished.

"My vocabulary pretty good. But I need to work on my accent." Ranma said.

Hikaru was unimpressed. He'd taken English since elementary school. His accent
wasn't much better than Ranma's, but that was pretty much all that was wrong
with his english.

The three boys sat down at the table in the dining room, where Gren was already
waiting, reading a newspaper out loud to his wife, who was in the kitchen cooking.

"Oh, hey boys. You going to be ready for school soon?" Gren asked.

"Don't be silly, honey. They need to take showers" Sylvie supplied. "Go ahead,
boys. The bathroom is across from your room. Of course, you know that, since
you can see inside it now." she said with a big smile.

Hikaru looked at her like she was from another planet. She wasn't, but the look
was nonetheless pretty justified.
---
The three boys stepped out onto the porch, Gren behind them. His arm pointed
out over their collective shoulders at a big lot with a lot of buildings down one of
the streets the house was on the corner of. A tall clock tower, reminiscent of
Furinkan's, marked it clearly.

"That's the school there, boys."

"It looks nothing like our school" Hikaru said.

"That's because this is a magnet school, and not even a normal American school."

Ryoga's head turned and he caught eye of Akane walking up the street towards Gren's house.
"A-Akane?" he said aloud.

"Ryoga!" Akane exclaimed.

"H..hello" Ryoga muttered. Ranma tried his best to look bored.

What are you doing here, Ryoga? I'm so glad to see you! oh, and
_hi_, Ranma." Akane said, completely fooled by his act.

"I...ah, was just in the neighborhood." Ryoga managed.

"He'll be staying with us for a while, Akane." Gren said. "Hi, I'm Gren. I don't think we've met."

Ranma, too busy humming to himself and pretending to be bored, didn't catch that last nugget
of information from Gren. A shame, really, because his bored act wasn't fooling anyone but
Akane.
Gosunkugi turned away from the group on the porch and clapped his hands together in an
impromptu prayer for protection/
"Hello." Akane said.

"Well, you kids need to head off to school. I'm sure you can manage. Just go to the desk,
and tell them your names. You shouldn't have any problems." he said, before turning back
into the house. "Nice to meet you, Akane."

"Arigato" Akane replied.

With that, the four set off to school. Akane, in her surprise, completely forgot to ask
Ranma if he'd seen Ukyou.

----
Gren walked back into his house, finding Sylvie kneeling by the couch.

"Hey hon, What's up?" Gren asked.

"Just giving due thanks for these wonderful children." Sylvie replied.

"I know. They seem to know one another already. They get along so well." Gren said
with a smile.

"I'm so happy. With our boys gone, it was getting too quiet around here."

"Here here. Say, Ryoga seemed to know one of the other exchange students, a
girl named Akane. He was a little tongue tied around her... You don't suppose maybe
he ran away here to be near her, do you?" Gren asked. "It does seem like a large...
coincidence."

"There's no such thing as a coincidence, Gren. It's a blessing."

"Still, I think I'll ask him about it tomorrow."
----


When the group arrived, they were greeted by an eerily familiar sight- boys being
flung around the front grounds by an unknown force. Ranma reached back and
touched Akane on the head, without turning.

"What are you doing, Ranma?" Akane asked, pushing Ranma's fingers away from
her eyes.

"Just checking" Ranma replied, amazed.

In just a moment, the dust settled, and in the middle of the carnage stood a very
pissed off Chinese Amazon.

"Shampoo?!" Ranma said aloud. Ryoga slapped his head, Akane fumed, and
Hikaru looked perplexed.

The panting chinese amazon made her way over to the four of them.

"Shampoo here looking for..." She managed in her broken Japanese before
she was interrupted.

"Son in law..." came the voice of Cologne. In English.

"AAAAHHHH!" Ranma screamed. He shouldn't have been surprised, after
all this time, but he was. he had only been here a day!
Cologne turned to the panting Shampoo.

"Shampoo? What happened?" she asked in Japanese.

"Shampoo ask stupid american boy where Ranma. He say he don't know.
He ask Shampoo on date. Shampoo say no. He ask why."

"So? He can't have been foolish enough to attack you..."

"He very strong martial artist. Also speak Chinese. And tell his friends. They
want date with Shampoo too"

Cologne chuckled. "So, they all tried to beat you up? You did tell them they'd
have to defeat Ranma as well, didn't you? Oh, of course you did."

"Shampoo no get time to tell him that part. Was explaining about Chinese
Amazon tradition." Shampoo supplied.

Cologne laughed. "So they're all going to try to defeat you now, great granddaughter.
The irony is, even if you told them the truth now, they'd think you were lying!" the
elderly woman started to cackle, tears rising to the corners of her eyes.

Shampoo wheezed out something in chinese that Ranma thought sounded pretty
rude. He'd heard a few Chinese curses before. One of Ryoga's eyebrows dropped-
apparently he had too, and Cologne bapped Shampoo on the top of the head with her stick.

"Ouch!" Shampoo said, rubbing the top of her head irritably.

"Why is it ironical?" Ranma asked.

Shampoo started to explain about the magic 'tell truth buns', but Cologne rapped her on top
of the head again with her staff.

"Ouch!" Shampoo said again.

Somehow, that kept Shampoo quiet.

Cologne continued. "Still, I think it's good for you. You haven't had serious practice like
that in a long time. Were they all martial artists?"

"Every one, great grandmother." Shampoo responded.

"Hmm... I wonder why?" Cologne muttered, half to herself as she looked around.

She caught the signboard for the school.
"What!?" Cologne said, raising her voice.

everyone present fixed on the matriarch of the amazon tribe. "What?" the assembled
teens all asked.

"The Bruce Lee Arts Martial Magnet school" Cologne said.

a 5 story building, with handholds and ledges on the outside, each covered in cracks,
laced heavily with open windows and discarded weapons and weighted clothing. Several
students could be seen brawling with teachers or amongst themselves on the roof, the
grounds, the trees on the grounds, or even the ledges and flagpoles that jutted out from
the building.

"Shampoo, I think it's time you got an education" Cologne said with a toothy grin.

"Aiyah" was her only reply.

Although they hadn't noticed, Nabiki was nearby, on her knees, tears streaming down
her face. Whether she was crying for joy at the sheer possibility of profit, or crying for
fear and loathing of being subjected to this hellhole of a school that would only be
bearable for her sister and the fiancee network, no one knew.

The blood curdling scream she emitted, however, told everyone what she thought about it.

--------

10:00 am

--------
In Japanese schools, the students stay in one classroom, and the teachers move around.
Not so in the Bruce Lee Arts Martial Magnet school [called BLAM school affectionately
by it's students.] So, in the movement between classes, it almost goes without saying what
happened.
But, just to be perfectly clear, Ryoga got lost.

He had made it to his second orientation class with Akane's help. But he had lost track of
her after the second. It seemed today was an orientation, and that tomorrow they would
actually sign up for classes. So it was without great surprise that Ryoga found himself
wandering around a street. <Now where did they put that stupid clock tower> he said,
glancing up at the trees that blocked long distance sight.

He tripped over a wrecked bicycle.

<Now that's odd...> he said to himself.

he stood up, and continued on his way, until he stepped in something mushy, and fell again.
<Some martial artist I am.> he thought ruefully. <I can't even walk around without tripping
over everything in sight> he said. With that, he examined the fallen plate of buns. They
looked unharmed.
<Well, who knows how long I'll be lost. I don't have any food with me, either.> he said,
picking them up and wrapping them in a bandanna for later.

Then he heard a groan.

he spun and caught sight of a long haird girl hanging upside down in a tree. He couldn't
see her face, but it seemed that she hadn't climbed up there herself.

Nimbly leaping to the tree, Ryoga landed on the branch next to [unbeknownst to him] Ukyou.

he poked her shoulder lightly. "Are you alright, miss?" he said.

When she didn't respond, he picked her up and leaped to the ground.

Laying her on her back, he finally noticed who it was.

"Ukyou?! Come on, wake up" he said, jostling her. He checked her pulse, which was
regular, if a little slow, and strong.

With a heaving sob, she sprung to life before his eyes. She gasped for breath, and
rolled over to one side.
"Who's there" she said angrily.

"Uh... It's me, Ryoga." Ryoga responded dumbly.

"Oh. You. Figures I would be found by you." she said sadly. For the second time
in as many days, the startling coincidence was lost on the participants.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ryoga said angrily. "Look, if you don't want my
help, I can just go."

"And you'd be gone, alright. To Mars." Ukyou snapped. "You're already there in mind."

Ryoga turned and started to walk away. Until he heard the sobbing.

Ukyou felt a strong hand on her shoulder again, and then heard Hibiki Ryoga's voice.
"What happened?" he asked.

"Shampoo. I saw her, going to feed Ranma some magic something or other, and I
got so mad, I attacked her." Ukyou said.

"And she beat you up like this?" Ryoga asked.
"I forced her to eat one of the things she had, and she got really mad. I was no
match for her" Ukyou said, punctuating the end of the sentence with a sob.

"I thought you two were pretty equal." Ryoga said, perplexed.

"So had I. Now I have nothing." Ukyou said.

"What do you mean?" Ryoga said.

"Akane and Shampoo are both cuter than me, Shampoo's a better cook and a better
fighter! What do I have to offer Ranma besides that I dress like a boy?"
Ryoga didn't know what to say to that. Truth be known, he didn't really think of
Ukyou much, or much of Ukyou, for that matter. They'd been nice to each other
in the past, but they'd always wanted something from the other. But, as he strained
his mind, they had gotten along pretty well after that whole island fiasco. She'd shown
him how to make okonomiyaki. And then there was that whole... his mind encountered
a block as he attempted to recall a few other incidents. He returned to the scene at hand.

"Something to offer Ranma? Feh. He doesn't deserve the time of day." Ryoga snapped.

"That's what you think, stupid. I just happen to love him, you know. I would think you
would know all about that, Mr. I'm in love with Akane and am too shy to even say it" Ukyou
replied coolly.

"Hm." Ryoga grumbled. a moment of silence passed between them as they glared at each
other.

"So get something to offer him, then." Ryoga offered dumbly.

"Like what, money? I don't have any." Ukyou said.

"I don't know what. You could train until you were a better fighter than Shampoo.
Practice your cooking. Dress nicer."

"But then I wouldn't be me." Ukyou said.

Ryoga had an answer for this one.He'd imagined Akane asking him this question, so
he could seem wise and knowledgeable in front of her, but he was starting to think it
would never come around that way. Besides, he could use it again, he supposed.
"No one can take you away from you except yourself. If you want something, so
long as you don't lie to yourself as you strive for it, it becomes you. You change,
not discard yourself."

Ukyou looked pensive. Not necessarily agreeing yet, she spoke. "Wow, Ryoga.
That's pretty adult. How'd a guy like you come up with something like that?" she said.

<When you turn into a pig, you ponder who you are a lot> Ryoga thought grimly.
He favored her with a sneer. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh... Nothing." the Chef quipped.

"I guess I agree with you, Ryoga. Come on, help me up."

"Why should I?" Ryoga asked.

"You jackass, just help me up already!" Ukyou snarled.

Ryoga helped her up. And, using him as a support, Ukyou led Ryoga back to the school.

Ukyou's spatula ringing off a hard human head makes a distinctive noise, one never
heard before in the streets of Bellevue, the suburb they were in.

They were going to have to get used to it.

Now would be a great time to start, it seems.
---
Nabiki fingered her backpack. Inside were the loot of the plunder she'd made last
night with Rei. At first, it had seemed stupid to her. Her, Nabiki Tendo, of all people,
digging up cultural artifacts for fun. She'd only gone along with it... well, she truthfully
hadn't known why she had.

But it _had_ been fun.

_lots_ of fun.

As a matter of fact, Nabiki noted ruefully that it had probably been the most fun thing
she'd done in years. Festivals, birthdays- they paled in comparison. There were
definately more important incidents in her life, but this was the most fun.

But that was it. She was hooked. Rei's wacky adventure had her hooked.

She raised her hand, and asked to be excused to the bathroom. Recieving a
key from the teacher, she headed down the hallway to the bathroom.

"So, what took you so long?" asked Rei as soon as she turned inside the bathroom.

"Rei? What are you doing here?" Nabiki asked.

"What do you think? I go here. Anyways, like the hat?" she asked, showing off a hat
from the raid last night. The simple wide brimmed, brown hat simply shouted adventurer.
Perhaps because it looked like Indiana Jones' hat. Her blue hair hung neatly outside the
hat to the back.

"Ooh, a real adventurer." Nabiki answered, tipping the front of the hat with her tired arms.

Rei shot her a nasty look.

"No, seriously, I like it." Nabiki said.

"Anyways, we gotta get some source material. Rent some Indiana Jones movies tonight,
or get your host mom to do it. I gotta get some ideas."

"Like what kind of ideas?" Nabiki asked.

"I don't know, that's why I want source material!" Rei answered. "Now go on, get back
to class before someone else comes along."

"All right. When are you coming over?" Nabiki asked. "And do you know where I live?"
Nabiki added.

"Leave your window open, and yes." Rei answered.

-------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
Speed-Chan's Notes

Whew. That was a lot of work for me- 37 pages of work, before this edition. I imagine
It's probably blossomed to almost 45 pages when you include Makoto's section and the
reformatting into text. Poor Makoto. He's too busy with school.
Of course, big thanks go out to my Prereading team- First Nuki_Mouse, without whose
prolific C&C this fic would probably not have been half the fic it managed to be.
Orlean, whose witty remarks on the fic were very telling as to where I should tighten up some
sections of the fic. His sharp tongue improved the fic a lot, and I've even included some of
his wittier remarks- "And terrible inflight service"
HJ40@sjnma.com, whose words of encouragement after the first, half as long, draft was
released let me know that it did have an audience.
Mike Overton, who told me to cut a few bits that needed cutting.

Dedicated to the deceased FFML.

Next chapter of "The Usual Delinquents"

Nabiki: "That belongs in a museum!"
Akane: "Sure I'm engaged. Practically everyone I know is. Why?"
Kuno: "Ah, my beloved pigtailed girl!... I will buy all of them! No, Nabiki, you many not have any."
Ukyou: "All I'm saying, Ranma, is that I've seen bigger."
Mousse: "What you're saying is that in order to be manly, I have to adventure?"
Shampoo: "Shampoo's boyfriend name.... is... Mousse!"
Ranma: "Whatta ya mean, Boy Scouts?"
Ryoga: "Yeah, what do you mean, Boy scouts?"
Kodachi: "Ohohohohoho!"
Unknown girl's voice: "Anything goes martial arts shop class?"

Until next time (being roughly defined as a month or so away)
Speed@olypen.com