Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Typical Day ❯ One-Shot

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Standard Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 and MSTK aren't mine. @#$%^&!!!
One-shot This is an MSTing on Ranma1/2 -
means the movie is speaking





Typical Day by mylexy

It was a completely normal day in Nerima. The birds were singing, the bees were buzzing and Ranma and Akane were arguing...again. Come one! What did you expect?

Akane: Ranma no baka!

She shouted as she drove her Mallet o' Death into his skull. People passed by like this was a normal occurrence...which it was.

Ranma: (groans) Kawaiikune tomboy.

Ranma pulled his head out of the floor. He dusted himself off like nothing happened.

Ukyo: Hurry up you two. We're going to miss the movie.

Ryoga: Why are we going to see this movie? And why are we seeing it all together? We don't even like one another half the time?

Author: Plot device by the author.

All: Oh, that explains it.

They stop outside the ticket booth and the woman inside hands them their tickets.

Ryoga: I thought we were going to see that new Jet Li flick?

Ukyo: Jet Li was all sold out. Besides these tickets are half price. Can't beat that.

Ranma holds the door open for Akane. Ukyo grabs Ryoga's arm so he doesn't wander away...again. For the tenth time is just four minutes! They entered the darkened theater and found it completely empty.

Ranma: This movie must suck. Nobody's here.

Akane: Doesn't matter. The tickets were cheap. Besides it might be good.

They take their seats in the middle of the theater. Ukyo, Ryoga, Ranma and Akane all sit together in a row. Bad theater music plays in the background as they talk amongst themselves. They all turn around when the door opens and a man is his early thirties runs in. He has brown hair and a dorky blue maintenance uniform on. Looking around at the numerous empty seats, he tries to decide where to sit. Akane waves him over.

Akane: Come sit with us.

Ranma: What are you doing? He could be some nut. Or worse, a Chinese prince looking for a bride.

Akane: You're a martial artist, right? You can handle another weirdo.

Ranma: Of course I can!

Akane: Besides, in this town, that's sort of redundant.

The man comes and sits next to Akane, irking Ranma to no end and making him and Ryoga jealous.

Man: Hello. The names Mike. Nice to meet you all.

Akane: (turning to Mike) So here alone?

Mike: I-I'm sort of hiding-

The theater darkens a little more and the music finally stops. Suddenly, a woman's face comes over the screen and Mike starts screaming. And not a blood-curdling, 'I'm going to die scream', but a sissy, 'I'm a wimpy girly-man scream'.

Voice: Hello, Nelson. Long time no see.

Mike: What are you doing here? I thought the restraining order said no more than 100 feet?!

Voice: Sorry Nelson, I couldn't stay away. Oh, Bobo and the Brain guy say hi.

Ranma: (whispers) Who is she?

Mike: That's Pearl Forester. An evil woman with plans to take over the world. She's tortured
me and my friends for years by sending us bad movies in hopes of breaking my spirit and ruling the universe.

Ranma: Geez, I didn't ask for your whole life story. Well, don't let us interrupt your reunion.

He jumped up and grabbed Akane's hand. The four of them run for the door, only to discover it wouldn't budge. Locked!

A blond haired woman pops on the screen looking quite smug. Dressed all in black, she resembled a dictator. Or a poor excuse for an Darth Vader fan.

Pearl: You're not going anywhere. I want you to stay and see the show too.

Ranma: Why? What did we ever do to you?

Pearl: Nothing. I love your series. I have some of your tapes at home. Of course, can't collect
them all. Too expensive. Now all of you sit down and enjoy the feature.

Grumbling to themselves, they returned to their previous seating positions.

Akane: What is she going to do to us, Mike?

Mike: You don't want to know. Just try to be brave.

Pearl: Shut up Nelson. Anyhoo, your movie tonight isn't really a movie at all, but the first
episode of the Ranma 1/2 series. My personal favorite. Oh, and one more thing. I
turned it into a lemon, to be extra cruel. Bye now!

Ryoga: What does she mean, turned it into a lemon?

Mike: (shudders) That means it has graphic sexual content to it.

Ranma: (mumbles) Great. Gives Mallet harpy another excuse to hit me.

Akane: (narrows eyes) Maybe I will no matter what's shown!

*WHAM*

Ranma pulls his head out of the new hole in the floor. The screen lights up to show the episode already in process.

-"C'mon, fight back already!" Akane Tendo was not happy about the decision that Ranma was going to be her fiancé... Stupid sisters.

Akane: I guess this takes place when we first met?

Ranma: (grips) Just what I need.

-...but she had decided that if he was here, she might as well use him for target
practice.

Ryoga: How can I shoot you with this bazooka if you won't stand still?!

Ranma: You wish, P-chan.

Ryoga: Who are you calling P-chan?

Ranma: You, pig face.

Ryoga: Ranma!! Prepare to die!!

Ryoga leaps up ready to fight, when Ukyo whacks him with her spatula. She unfortunately hits Ryoga and Ranma.

-Problem was, he was so fast! He even dared to refuse to strike
back. It was infuriating, to say the least.

-"I told you, I don't hit girls."

Ranma: (climbing back into his seat a little more dizzy) Ukyo!

Ukyo: (blushes) Sorry, Ranchan.

-Ramna Saotome wasn't happy that the decision whom he was going to
marry had been taken out of his hands...

Mike: Hmm. Ranma's hands look awfully hairy...

Ryoga: Huh?

Mike: I ain't telling.

-...but he had to admit, Akane wasn't a terrible choice. She wasn't exactly pretty,
but she did have spunk.

Mike: You know they have deodorants for that.*SMASH* Ow!

Akane: Be glad I'm in a good mood. Don't test me Nelson!

-...and she wasn't a bad fighter. Even if she couldn't lay a finger on him. Still, it was
going to be tough having a fiancee who apparently hated his guts.

Ukyo: This one's mine. I hate your guts, I hate your kidney's, and I
ESPECIALLY hate your liver. As for that face of yours...

-Akane's temper was rising steadily. He was mocking her! The harder she tried to score on him...

Mike: So, you do more than practice in that dojo, huh? Shame on you kids!

*SMASH*

Akane: Serves you right.

Mike: Ow...I'm telling on you!

-the easier it seemed to be for him to dodge. She was actually tired and sweaty.
She, who fought off dozens of boys every morning before school. Something was definitely wrong here. Who was this guy?

Mike: Must be because he doesn't suck ass like the other martial artist do.

-Akane paused a moment to think things through, straightening her top, so it wouldn't look like she was already beaten.

Mike: I smell a lemony fresh scent. Carp!

Ranma: What? Carp?!

Mike: No, Crap! It was a typo, but never mind that! The lemon has just begun. I hope you all have strong stomachs.

-I've got to look for a weakness. He has to have one!

Mike: He acts stupid around girls, so show him a little skin. Maybe a little-

*WHAM*

Akane: Hentai! Happosai and you need to talk. Hmm, never mind that.

-She gave him a good once over before moving back into an attack stance. *Let's
see. Nice strong legs, narrow hips, flat stomach, muscular chest...

Ranma: Yup, they got the description down pat.

Ryoga: Look out! His ego's gonna blow! Run for cover! (Holds arms over his head)

-Akane mentally flushed...

Akane: How can you mentally flush?!

Ukyo: How do you see that?

Mike: My guess is if you crack open someone's head...

Akane: EW! Never mind!

-...as she realized that she was actually liking the view. Scoping him out didn't seem like it was going to help her find a weakness. *Try to say focused girl.*

Ukyo: This camera won't focus! How am I gonna sell pictures of Ranma and Akane if
this stupid thing won't focus? Damn. Oh well, guess I'll go sell Genma to the zoo.

Akane: Hey! That's my sister. Even though you're probably on the money with that one.

Ranma: I wish they would sell pops to a zoo.

-Ranma, leaning casually against the wall of the dojo, couldn't help but notice her
checking him out *What? Is my fly open or something?*

Ranma: If it was I'd already be pounded into the floor and labeled a hentai. Again!

Ryoga: Too late perv!

-Nervous under her stare, he looked down to make sure it wasn't.

Mike: Little Ranma making a guest appearance, huh?

Ryoga: Eww!

Ranma: What do you mean little?!

Akane and Ukyo: Yeah! (startled, they start glaring at one another)

-An opening! Akane struck, fast as lightening before Ranma could blink. *WHAM*

Ukyo: Bam, thank you ma'am. Boy, that was the quickest and saddest sex scene I 've ever seen.

Ryoga: Shouldn't have ate before coming here! (Holding stomach in pain)

-Her fist slammed into his jaw hard. And absolute happiness overtook her,

Akane: I'm so happy! Now I will destroy you and take over the world!

-and before he could recover from the shock of actually being hit by a GIRL,
she landed several more punches on various parts of his body.

-"Hey... Stop it...OW!"

Ryoga: Mommy! She's hurting me!

Ranma: Hey! Shut up!

-Ranma finally recovered from the shock enough to start dodging again, but he
was blushing from embarrassment. He'd never been hit by a girl before. It
just didn't feel right.

Ryoga: Yeah, I'm so use to being beat up by boys!

Ranma: Shut it!

Ryoga: (sneering) You know it's true Ranko!

Mike: Is that why you always pick fights with Ryoga? That's just perverted, Ranma.

Akane: (crosses arms) Told you.

Ranma: AHH!!! Leave me alone people!

-Akane brushed a strand of hair off her cheek and stood there panting. It had
felt GOOD hitting Ranma!

Akane: Hmm, that is so true.

-There was also an unfamiliar heat coming over her body. She felt lightheaded and excited.

Mike: Must be the drugs. You'd have to be on something not to know P-chan was really--

Ryoga: You are so dead if you finish that! (He clenched his fist at Mike)

Mike: (whimpers) I-I forgot what I was going to say!

-This time the blush wasn't mental. The tingle setting over her body was not something she could ignore. She had to have him!

Akane: (rolls eyes) Oh, please!

-Ranma rubbing his bruised jaw and glared at her. Without even thinking about what she was doing, she took his face in both her hands and kissed him, hard.

-*What?* Ranma's eyes bugged out in surprise. But I thought she hated me!*

Mike: (winks) He, he! You can hate me anytime, Akane!

Akane: Thanks, I do! (pulls out her mallet and proceeds to show him the meaning of true pain.)

Mike: Ow! STOP!!!

-The kissing felt so right, Ranma gently shrugged and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her back.

Ryoga: You pervert! Why are you kissing her back? Shouldn't it be on the lips?

Ranma: Shut up! I'll kill you when this is over.

-Akane closed her eyes in pleasure as Ranma gave in and kissed her back with
all of his might. *Maybe he won't be such a bad choice for a fiance.* She
quietly slipped her tongue in his mouth.

Mike: Oh, Ranma, you dog you!

*WHAM*

*SMASH*

Ranma bashed Mike in the head with his fist, sending him to the floor. He stepped back to allow Akane to finish the rest. Materializing her mallet, she played golf with his head. Ryoga and Ukyo loudly clapped and whistled.

Ukyo: Cool. I give it a 7 for technique.

Ryoga: Really? I thought maybe a high 8 or nine?

-She tore his shirt open, kissing down his chest.

Ryoga: Oh Ranma, I just love your wimpy, muscle less chest. It reminds me of Grandpa.

Ranma: Stow it, bacon bits. I repeat, you're dead when this is over.

-Feeling excited from her caresses, Ranma rubbed his hands down her supple body. He couldn't believe this was happening, but who was he to complain. They were engaged now, after all.

Mike: Wow, I'm a big old slut! I just met you today and-

*SLAM*

Akane: (putting her fist down) Keep it up. You might not leave here alive.

-Ranma started tearing her top off, savoring her gorgeous body. Skimping foreplay, Ranma pulled her to the floor. Their lovemaking was hot; passionate and uninhibited.

All: EWW! What's with the Seventies porno music?

Ukyo: (covering her face) My eyes burn!!!

- Akane gently nipped Ranma on the lips before gathering her clothes and leaving him naked on the dojo floor.

Mike: And their lovemaking was apparently really short.

Ryoga: True to life, huh Ranma?

Ranma: Shuddup! Bite me, P-chan.

-The next morning, things were back to normal. Akane barely spoke to Ranma
at breakfast, and on their way to school they didn't speak. She acted cold towards him, so he walked fast to get away from her.

Ukyo: (mumbles) Fiancé stealing little...

Akane: What did you say?

Ukyo: Nothing.

-"Ranma, slow down!"

Ryoga: But Akane..You said that so many times last night...

Ranma: You're going down, pig-boy!

Ranma stands up reading to fight, but Akane grabs his hand and forces him to sit down.

Akane: Ranma, just shut up and suffer like the rest of us.

Ryoga gloats over Akane's head until Ukyo hits him with her spatula again.

-Slowing up, Ranma quietly groaned as Akane pushes him against the fence, starting to kiss all over his neck.

Ukyo: (mumbles) I knew that tramp was trying to steal my man!

Akane: (turns to Ukyo) Stop looking at me like that!

-Akane rubbed her body against Ranma's and felt an instant reaction down below.

Akane: AAHH!! When will this @#$! story end?!

Mike: Told you.

Ryoga: (holding his mouth as he dry heaves) Must control need to vomit!

-Ranma moaned as he slipped a hand up under her school uniform. Although they could get caught out in public, he sure as hell didn't care.

- Akane teased her hands down his stomach to his pants. "Let's go back home and say we're sick. I know schools the furthest thing from my mind."

Ryoga: Onee-chan...do you hear moaning coming from Ranma's room?

Ukyo: Oh, that's just Akane and Ranma doing 'homework.'

Ryoga: Oh my. That doesn't sound like any homework I've ever heard of.

Ukyo: They're working on a 'oral report.' I'll be at Kuno's working on mine. Bye!

They both shut up as soon as they noticed Akane starting to glow blue. Ranma and Mike slowly edged out of their seats.

THE END

All: There is a God! (they all cheered, dancing around)

Pearl comes on the screen looking very ticked off. Bobo and Brain guy wave in the backgound.

Pearl: Shoot! You're spirits not broken one bit. What does it take to destroy you, Nelson?!

Mike: Um...Spice channel?

Pearl: Yeah, right! Well, I guess I have to let you jerks go. If I don't, your fans will hunt me down and no one wants to deal with those crazies.

Fans: Hey!!

1 Fan: You all know it's true!

Ranma and co. hightail it out of there, with Mike not far behind. Before poor Mike can get to the exit, the doors slam shut.

Pearl: Not you, Mikey. I'm not through with you yet. Not by a long shot.

Mike: (sobbing at the closed door) I want my mommy!

Ranma: (shouting from outside the door) We're not leaving without you, Mike!

Pearl: Fine, if you don't leave now, I'll be forced to put on the entire season of...G Gundam. As seen on toonami.

All: See ya, Mike! Good luck!

They all run away screaming in terror. Mike sighs. Lucky S.O.B's!

Mike: What now? Swamp Thing reedited?

Pearl: Worse. Worse than even the last one ever could be.

Mike: (scoffs) Give up, Pearl. You'll never find a movie that bad.

Pearl: But I have. Isthar. The directors cut. With thirty minutes of added footage! And the scenes they deleted!

Mike: NNOOOOO! God, take my life please!!!!!!

Pearl: BWAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!










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That's that! I just had to do something silly and this was it. Hoped you all liked it. Bye!