Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Dope ❯ Dope ( One-Shot )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

title: Dope
author: Faia Saiyajin
series: Ronin Warriors
rating: R for strong language, sexual innuendo, and lots of drug references
--Written to clear an econo-sized case of writer's block. The local hordes of Mary-Sue-Teeny-Bopper-Happy-Kiddos might want to avoid this like the plague. This is definitely not for those under age 17 (or for anyone with an IQ above uncooked pizza dough). You know the drill, I don't own the characters. Just this story (like you'd want to associate yourself with THIS fic). Review if you like.
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I am a loser. Slacker, miscreant, delinquent, whatever you wanna call me. But I'm a special kind of loser. I'm what you'd call a 'cartoon geek'. I like anime.

And that's what I was doing. Watching anime. Mostly because my other form of entertainment was in use. The Internet was being used by my mother. Her and her genealogy shit. Like I really care that there were 42 Johns in my family. All I know is that insanity is an inbred trait. But enough with the self-deprecating humor. I have plenty of time for that.

In case you care to know, my name is Stephanie Ann Marini. Technically there's a Bernadette after the Ann, but that's my Conformation name, and no one uses those, so who the fuck cares...

Anyway, here I am. With my friends. No, I'm not contradicting myself. My friends are celluloid and paint.

Being the ghetto-rat I am, I am one of those sorry asses who doesn't have a DVD player. If I was lucky enough, I'd be watching my current show minus the commercials.

Ronin Warriors is probably my favorite anime hands-down. I'd taped a good portion of the series before those goat-blowing bastards at Cartoon Network had to take it off the air. So, here I was, sitting on the edge of my bed, watching episode 2, "Glory for Anubis". He's my favorite character, EVER. Woo-freakin'-hoo!

The best part of this is that I'm watching it while I'm stoned. Like, majorly stoned. Yeah, so what. Save me your condescending bullshit. I'm a pothead. At least it's not crack. I'll leave that to my father.

I'm a happy little stoner right now, watching Ronin Warriors. Lighting a cigarette, (and don't you even START the shit about smoking. I'll fucking go Vejiita on your ass) I was in full-blown giggles by the end. The credits start to roll, and I wait for my cue.

For as long as I've been a fan of Ronin Warriors, I've always leaned forward and kissed Anubis whenever he showed up on screen. Having grown to a mature 18, a full-fledged 'I-just-barely-managed-to-graduate' out of school slacker, I don't kiss the screen anymore. Instead, I pet it. Here he comes....

I lean forward, and touch the screen, laughing so hard tears are rolling down my cheeks. "Pet pet pettttttt!!" I squeal, my fingers grazing over the glass.

Ho. Lee. SHIT. Why the fuck is my hand through my tv?! Yelping, I pull my hand free, expecting to see a bloody stump. Instead, my hand is intact. Fucking WEEIRD.

Right now, if I were in a horror film, you'd be screaming at me to stop. Because I pulled that moronic 'let's try that again' thing, and tapped the screen.

WHOOOOP! There went my hand, oh fuck... make that my entire arm. Sccchluup! It was like the glass was water. Actually, it was thicker than water. More like syrup. How friggin' odd is this? I'm sitting here, cigarette hanging off my lip, with my arm up to the shoulder in my tv. Man.. this is a trip I'm definitely gonna remember.

I wiggle my arm around in this syrupy pixelated mess, as episode three starts up. That's when something cold wraps around my wrist, and yanks, hard.

YIPE!! Cigarette and all, I'm pulled through my tv screen. I land on my face, the rest of my smoke smashing against the floor. I start laughing, thinking that if my mom hears me, she's gonna walk in and see me laying flat on my face, laughing and swearing and trying to get the taste of tobacco out of my mouth because I've eaten most of my cigarette when I slammed into this hard wood floor...wait. How funny... I've got carpeting on my floor. Ugly beige carpet too, aside from that big ol' stain from an unfortunate combination of an open can of Pepsi and a fouled attempt at dancing.... but, moving right along...

In my mentally fuct state, I push to my knees, wiping the tears from my eyes. "Ohhh shit.. what the hell... oh man... I'm never buyin' that dope from Murr again... HEEG!" Someone just grabbed me by the throat, and pulled me waaay up off the floor. And that's quite a feat, considering that I'm 6 foot 1, and weigh something like 200 pounds. This is getting funnier and funnier to me. Damnit, I knew I shouldn't have smoked all of it... what the hell am I doin' smokin' two dimebags of weed?

Laughing my ass off, like any intelligent stoner would, I kick my legs, holding onto this vice-thing around my neck. And picturing me, tears running down my face as I kick and squirm, well, that doesn't help much. I'm coughing now, as this... holy fuck it's a HAND, around my neck closes tighter.

"Allright, man! Lemme down!" I wheeze. Crapnuggets it's dark in here. I can barely see.

"It looks like we have an intruuuderrrrr..." someone hisses quietly, sounding REALLY familiar.

"That we do.. what shall we do with her?" another said, this one even more well-known.

"Look, holmes," I start, using a slang word from back in the day, although I doubt calling what sounded like two nasty folk a form of "homie" would get me anywhere good. "I don't know what the hell's goin' on here. So you two had better haul your asses out of this high of mine... GAAACK!!"

It clamps down tighter, and it's becoming quite difficult to breathe.

"Two eh? Perhaps she doesn't know..." Oh damn. There's three. Someone else laughs. Fuck. Make that four. "Maybe we should introduce ourselves?"

"SHE is the intruder." Voice 3 said. "Why should we have to?"

"Because, dolt, she is on our turf. And besides, it'd be rude to kill her without letting her know who's doing the deed." Voice 4 said.

"Dais is right." voice 2 declared. At that moment, a few candles sprung to life. This really fuct with my head, as the flames themselves were friggin' blue.

"Bad weed, bad weed, bad weed, it's just bad weed... this will allll be over in a few hours." I told myself, trying to not start screaming and/or shit my pants.

Voice 1, who was the guy holding me aloft, chuckled. "I do not know what 'bad weed' is, darling, but you are mistaken. It won't be over in a few hours. Perhaps in a few seconds."

I looked down at him, and my eyes bugged clear out of my head. Seriously. I mean, I probably looked like one of those cartoon dudes who've just seen that dishy redhead in the red bathing-suit-thingy. I was being choked by Anubis. Ohhh FUCK. I am SO going to kill Mario for selling me this shit. I'm probably gonna have braindamage or something. But I've had bad trips before, and they never felt this realistic. I'm serious, man. My vision was getting all funny and I couldn't breathe.

"Look, I don't know what you're talking about man... but.. hey..." Looking over his shoulders, I saw that the other three were there too, all in sub-Armor. Whee. What fun. "But I happen to be real big fans of yours, I mean, hell, you guys really get the short end of the stick, what with those Ronin pain in the asses always winning, but hell..."

Anubis growled at the mention of their rivals. "What?! How do you know about the Ronin Vermin?"

"Hey, ah..." his fingers tightened. "WOULD YOU KNOCK THAT THE HELL OFF?!? I can't BREATHE!"

"That's the point, woman." Cale snarled. "You're a spy for the brats. That's the only way you could know about them."

"SPY?! Look, buddy, all I know is that I came through my tv and I landed here."

"Not only is she an inept spy, but she is also a horrible liar." Sekhmet laughed cruelly.

"We'll put an end to that." Dais said, his voice hard and cold. "Kill her."

"WAIT!" I shrieked, as something sharp pressed against my stomach. Probably the blade of Anubis' weapon. "Being gutted like a fish isn't really a life-long ambition of mine." Jeebus. When I come out of this, I am SWEARING off the drugs. "I..ah... I ah... think you guys are really very good looking. I even think Sekhmet is hot. So, why don't you put the ol' kusari-gama aside and the five of us get to know each other a little better, if you know what I mean?" I stammered. What the hell else was I gonna say? Pot makes you horny, man.

Plop. I was released, and landed on my ass. The four Warlords stood above me, looking down at me with menacing snarls, but a strange look in their eye. Well, it looks like I'm about to get filled out like an application, if you get me. Anubis glared down at me, smirking. I turned to goo instantly. He was even hotter in a drug-induced hallucination. He nudged me with an Armored foot. "Is that your last request?"

Last...request? Well, I couldn't really complain. Being killed after getting laid four times in a row wasn't such a horrible way to die. Wait, what the hell was I saying?! Sure, a big fat gang-bang with these four guys would be nice, oh that was sick I can't believe I just said that... but I didn't want to die! Not just yet anyway. That was for when I was high and listening to Metallica's "Fade to Black".

So, I did what most people in my position would do. I RAN. And I mean, I ran. So fast Speedy Gonzalez would look at me and go "Sheet, man, that chica is faaaast!" Run run run run run run FUCKING RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! I threw my head back, howling. "LET ME OUT OF HEEEEERRRE!!!!"

Now, something weird happens here (Weird? After nearly being killed by four anime characters? Nah. No way. Get the hell out of here.). I tripped, and fell. But instead of falling on the ground, I went through it.

Now skydiving without a parachute, I found myself dropping like a rock, right out of the air, hiiiiiigh above some city. Screaming my fool head off, I plummeted to the ground, watching as a skyscraper closed in. Whizzing right past it, the sight of many windows speeding by me making me sick, I waited for the splat.

But thanks to a wallet chain and a sturdy flagpole, I was saved. The end of my wallet chain, all three of them, caught on the end of this pole sticking from the side of the building. Fast reflexes didn't hurt, either. I managed to save myself from what promised to be a messy landing on the cement, right when my wallet was about to fall out of my back pocket, too.

"Crap.. now I know how friggin' Garfield feels." Dangling from this pole, holding on for all I was worth with both hands, I rolled my eyes. "Wait... if this is a trip, then... hm..." I should be able to let go, right? I mean, this was just a dream, yeah? Here comes another one of those moments that has reinforced the stereotype that all potheads are morons.

I let go.

Now we return you to your regularly scheduled program, Steph. You dropping out of the sky, to the ground... which is cold, hard asphalt. Say goodbye to whatever brains you haven't ruined from smoking dope for 2 years.

Right before I was about to hit the ground, there was a loud roar, and I landed on something big and furry. My eyes were squeezed shut, and when I stopped falling, I opened them.

I was greeted with... an ass. A tiger's ass. There was the tail, waving back and forth. What...the... hell?!

The sound of metal against metal grew louder, and I looked up from this strange furry sight, to see five figures, in brightly colored Armor. Oh, yay. I've found the Ronins. And White Blaze too, it would seem.

Sitting up on the tiger's back, I rubbed my eyes. My head was clearing up rapidly, my ...erm.. normal.. thought patterns returning slowly. The dope was wearing off, and any time now, I'd wake up and see my room, realizing that I'd passed out in bed and slept the entire night. But when I opened my eyes, the city, the five teens, and the tiger were still there.

Fuckity dooky poo.

"You okay?" Kento asked, looking at me strangely. Rowen scratched his head.

"How'd ya get hea'?"

"Yeah, shouldn't she have vanished, since the Dynasty took over?" Halo murmured, crossing his arms over his chest. All five were in their sub-Armors, and I could only blink rapidly. "All of the other citizens went missing... well, save for Yuli and Mia."

Ryo took ahold of my left shoulder, and shook me gently. "Uh... hello?"

I came to, realizing that this wasn't just a bad trip. This shit was the real thing. "Holy... crap...!!" I yelped, making Ryo jump back, alarmed. "What the FUCK is going on here, man?!?!"

Cye blushed from ear to ear, upon hearing my swear. "I was about to ask you the same thing, only in a more polite fashion."

Having gotten to my feet, I looked around, unable to form a rational thought, much less speak properly. Shoving my hand in my pockets, I sighed when I came up with my cigarette case and a pack of matches. Aaahhh.. nicotine. My favorite drug. Next to weed, of course. Although, after THIS interesting experience, I was never going near a joint, bong, bowl, or blunt again.

The boys watched as I lit a cigarette, and they exchanged bewildered glances. "Uhm..." Kento began, as if to try and spur me into conversation.

"Look.." I started, rubbing the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger. "I don't know what the HELL is going on. All I know is that I fell through my TV, nearly got killed by the Warlords, but that was before I fell out of the sky and got saved by Mr. Kitten here."

"Warlords?! Where?!" Ryo blurted, and his companions looked around in alarm.

"Not here, Sparky. I landed in the Dynasty. Don't ask me how I got from there to here."

"Wait a minute...? Ya said ya came in through yer tv? How'd ya pull that off?" Strata cocked his head.

"No fucking clue, Blue-Boy. At first I thought it was because I was high." Rowen blinked. "Marijuana, idjiit."

"That would explain her bloodshot eyes." Kento said, the corner of his mouth twisted up in a grin. I shrugged. He extended a meaty hand. "Kento of Hardrock."

"I know who you are." I grumbled, as I got nearly shook off my feet by his enthusiastic greeting. "You're Kento-Bear, Sparky is Ryo of the Wildfire, Blue-Boy is Rowen of the Strata, Blondie would be Sage of Halo, and the Limey is Cye of Torrent." I nodded, using my personal nicknames for the Ronin Warriors.

"Well, that saves us an extended introduction." Sage said dryly. "And you would be?"

"Steph." I said, taking a drag off of my cigarette. "I'm from America... although that doesn't matter, considering that I just fell through my t.v into a cartoon Dynasty, and then into a cartoon city with a bunch of cartoon guys who are trying to kill each other."

"Car...toon?" Cye cocked his head, blinking his green eyes.

"Where I come from, you guys are a t.v show. Make believe. Fictional. As in not real. But this kinda shoots that theory straight to hell, doesn't it?"

"Come again?" That came from Kento, who was looking at Cye, who then looked to Ryo, who then went to Sage, and then to Rowen. All five teens then turned their eyes on me.

"Nevermind. I can't explain it, even if I tried." The expired cigarette in my teeth was dropped to the ground, and I stepped on it, the toe of my sneaker finally visible from underneath the super-duper baggy pants I was wearing. "Where the hell is that pain in the ass old man when you need him?"

Blink blink.

"The Ancient One? Hello? You know, the old dude who conveniently shows up to save your asses?"

Rowen snapped his fingers, the sound even more obnoxious due to the sub-Armor he was wearing. "Tha's the ticket! Why didn't I think of it before?"

Meist all Critey*. This guy was the so-called brains of the outfit, and here he was, about as sharp as a bowling ball. I'd known them a total of five minutes. And he now gets what he calls an overdue epiphany? Holy hell on ice. I have a feeling I'm going to run out of cigarettes before this misadventure is over. "So I guess this means I gotta take up my problems with the Ancient One?"

"Would seem that way. None of us know what to do." Ryo said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"And from common knowledge, he only shows up when you guys are fighting the Warlords. So, like, get in a fight or something." I encouraged. "I'm sure they're following me. They thought I was a spy for you guys."

"It would seem we were correct in our assumption." A familiar someone said from high above. Shit. I knew that voice. It was Cale. The five Ronins and I turn our eyes skyward, to see all four Warlords, standing high atop another building.

"Isn't this convenient for me." I chuckle. Even if I was a bigger fan of the Warlords than the Ronins, the fact that they had tried to kill me didn't exactly reassure my fandom. "Here I am, with a ringside seat to the battle royale. Shoulda brought some popcorn."

Cye was staring at me with wide eyes. Sage's one-eyed stare was full of pure contempt. "Is this some sort of joke to you?!"

"You'd better believe it, Halo." Although me being in the open was a major drawback. I'd seen the series a million times. And when these guys fight, lots of crap gets destroyed. I'd wind up with three tons of concrete on my head before the Ancient shows up and the Warlords retreat.

"Blaze, get 'er out of here!" Wildfire snapped.

"Wait, I- AAAAAIIEEE!!" I ripped a scream like a six year old girl, as White Blaze dove right between my legs, effectively scooping me up onto his back. "Do you MIND?!" I howled, bounced and jostled, sitting backwards on the tiger as he loped away. Grabbing two fistfuls of fur, I winced as White Blaze carried me away. The last thing I heard, before disappearing into a subway tunnel, was the echoing battle cries of the teens as they summoned their Armors.

Deposited rudely on my duff, beside one of the turnstiles, White Blaze regarded me with his intelligent eyes, as if to say 'Move, and I bite you.'. He then turned tail, and joined the battle above.

"Great. A subway. If things get really messy I get buried alive." Looking up at the vaulted ceiling, I lit another cigarette. The faint sounds of clanking Armors and sure-kills being performed carried down to my hiding spot.

Ten minutes passed. Then twenty. The fight still raged on, and the Ancient hadn't showed up. Heh. Looks like the Ronins were winning. I'd amassed about eight cigarette butts around my legs. I'd lost count a dozen times, trying to count the white tiles that graced the support columns and ceiling.

Just then, White Blaze roared, and he sounded pretty close. Guess that meant the battle was over. It had grown quiet just then, and it was safe to say that the Warlords had retreated. I stood, brushing the dirt from my jeans. I hadn't even stood up fully, when there was a crash, and five feet infront of me, cement and tiles rained down in a dusty cloud.

Swearing, I covered my head with my arms, waiting for the dust to subside. When I could see, I squinted at the heap of rubble. A cave in. ...holy shit, that was close. I had narrowly escaped from a nasty demise, for the third time today.

My sigh of relief was ragged, as I slumped against the turnstile, pushing a strand of hair from my face.

"You escaped me before, woman. I won't let it happen again."

My head jerked up. There, on the lip of the hole, the apparent cause of the cave in, stood Anubis. "Oh. Shit."

A shining length of chain shot forward, coiling around my body, pinning my arms to my sides. "Not agaaaiin!" I squeaked, yanked off my feet. I felt something fall out of my pocket, and clink against the cement. Looking over my shoulder, I saw that my cigarette case had dropped out of my pocket. I glared up at Anubis as he reeled me in. "Hey!"

He was watching his surroundings as he pulled me up out of the subway, and my yell caught his attention.

"Yeah, you. The asshole with the red hair."

Anubis was dumbfounded for a moment, behind the Ogre faceplate. "You dare to address me in that manner?!"

"It would seem that way, doesn't it, 'Nubie?!" My face split into a wide, vengeful smirk, my words edged with bitter sarcasm. "You made me drop my cigarette case, you ass! And it had nearly a full pack in it! You OWE me 35.89!" I kicked my legs furiously, as I was brought up through the hole. Not only for the silver case, but for the twelve cigarettes that were in it.

Suffice to say, my backtalk had pissed him off mightily. Now face to face with him, I didn't back down. My raging temper was well known, and it was the cause of most people being petrified of me in high school. Perfect strangers would give me passage in the halls, with one glare from me. Even the local 'thugs' were afraid of the six foot monstrosity wearing the leather trenchcoat and a tshirt that read 'You Say Psycho Like It's a Bad Thing', wallet chains clinking like modern-day spurs. And back then, I wore heavy-gauge chains at my hip. Chains you'd buy in a hardware store when you want to haul heavy machinery. I was one scary sonofabitch when I was angry. The girl who had single handedly put the all-star quarterback into a trashcan with one hand when he cut infront of her in the lunch line.

"I owe you nothing but an overdue death." His growling reverberated through his helmet, making it sound twice as intimidating. But I didn't even flinch.

"Come on, Mister Badass. I'm sayin' BRING it." I thrust my head forward, my nose nearly grazing his. Jaw set, defiant, I dared him to do something. I snarled through bared teeth. I stared him down, my watery brown eyes full of something akin to sadistic glee. I saw him draw his fist back.

"I hope you're not too fond of your teeth, insolent whelp."

I grinned, as if to give him a target. Right when fist was about to be introduced to my pie-hole, he was jolted from behind, loosing his footing. I saw a blur of orange. Kento had saved my ass by gut-checking him from behind. There was a sound of rending metal, and the links connecting me to Anubis were cut.

I dropped again, my arms freed from the chains. My fast reflexes saved me again, as I grabbed ahold of a metal strut, a support beam that was embedded in the concrete. Jerking to a stop on the edge of a thirty foot drop to the subway floor, I grimaced as the metal cut into the palm of my hand, blood slicking over my wrist and down my arm. A loud clang echoed upwards, as the chains that had been around me hit bottom.

"Help." I dared whisper, as a hand clamped down on my wrist. Thinking it was Anubis, I wriggled violently, trying to free myself. A head appeared, and I squinted up at the silouhette, seeing the crescent moon horn gracing the helmet. I sighed. It was Kento. With one hand, he hauled me up, setting me on the street.

Looking down at my injured hand, I made a face, wiping the blood off on my ragged tshirt. It was a neat little slice, and the sleeve of my t-shirt served as a bandage. When I had knotted the fabric around my palm securely, I looked up at Hardrock. "Thanks, man." I turned this way and that, to see that the fight was still on.

"No prob-" A call of assistance from Rowen cut him off. He was fighting Sekhmet, and it would seem that the six-arm trick Venom was using was working. Kento barreled towards Strata, and I followed close behind. "What are you doing?!" he roared over his shoulder.

"Helping!" I may not have Armor, but I could sure as hell lend a hand. Besides, when I really thought about it, the Warlords were nothing more than angry little pissants in tin-cans. And that sucked, because I really liked 'em.

"Are you NUTS?!" He screeched to a halt, staring at me as I raced towards Rowen.

"You could say that!" I howled, closing in on Sekhmet and his hapless victim. Throwing my bulk against the Warlord's waist, grateful for the hours of football practice, I effectively knocked Sekhmet away. If he was stunned that I had moved him, I was fucking amazed. He landed on his feet, and I on my chest. But I was down only for a second, pushing myself up and back with my arms. Watching only anime for five years straight, you learn some badass martial arts. Plus I was a karate dropout. Sensei had kicked me out for being a smartass. But I'd gotten my blackbelt before my dishonorable ejection.

The Warlord of Venom turned his anger on me, brandishing his swords. I was unarmed, so this could be a small problem. At my feet was an iron pole, about 2 inches in diameter and 5 feet long. Convenient, no? Using my toe to kick it in the air, I held it like a baseball bat. "Come on, you naughty boy!" I cackled, using my best Steve Irwin impression. "Crikey! You're a big 'un! I'll make a feckin' home run out of you, yes I will!"

He didn't appreciate my Crocodile Hunter routine, as he lunged for me, getting ready to turn me into neatly sliced spaghetti, heavy on the sauce. I curled my lip, my grip twisting around the rod. ...wait until you see the whites of his beady-little-purple-lidded eyes, Stephers...

"Strike ONE!" I grunted, swinging my weapon. The blade of his sword met it full force, grazing downwards, sending up a shower of sparks. This was bad. I didn't have a hilt to protect me from loosing an arm.

Shoving his weight downwards, both swords now caught against my makeshift one, he tried to overpower me. It was working, as I found myself on one knee, trying desperately to hold the Warlord off. "Come on you silly sonofabitch!" I said, looking over at Rowen and Kento, who were watching me, bewildered. "A little HELP right now would be nice!"

Finally they sprung to action, Kento using his nagitana to whack Venom right over his head. HARD.

"Hey.. that musta really rung yer bell." I cackled, as Sekhmet's eyes went wide at the sting of the blow. And I'll bet the sound was twice as loud in that trash-can helmet. Taking full advantage of his distraction, I threw myself upwards, knocking him away. Standing now, watching Kento and Rowen finish my job, I took several deep breaths. Feef. That had tired me out more than I thought.

Still looking at my feet, I saw a large shadow looming over mine. And I had a feeling that it wasn't an anvil.

"YIPE!" I squeaked, diving out of the way, just as Cale landed right where I was standing. Sage called out a warning from above, a little too late. "Thanks!" I called back, and then looked at Cale, who was eyeing me menacingly. "...For nothing." I lifted my sword again. "All right Fido. Batter up!"

But of course, Cale was more of a dense war-minded idiot, so he didn't bother fighting. Instead, he lifted his sword up, the air around me getting cold. Hand to hand combat I could handle. Sure kills... well.. I wasn't so keen on them. So, I enacted plan G. "RUN LIKE SCARED LITTLE GIRL!!!!" But before I could run and hide somewhere, Dais appeared, cutting me off at the pass. More like STICKING me to the pass.

"Web of DECEPTION!!"

"Oh... ICK!" I shuddered, pinned to the ground and part of a wall in spider's thread. Struggling only wound me tighter, and Dais, looming above, did little to help my panic attack. He'd freed his morning star from his wrist, and I had a sneaking suspicion that the heavy spiked ball would get buried right between my eyes.

There was a roar, and Ryo, rushing in on White Blaze, attacked Dais with his twin katana. Sure, yeah, I had been saved that time... but I was still stuck. That sucked. A lot.

Flipping around neatly, Dais went right up over Ryo's head, landing beside Cale. Anubis and Sekhmet had also rejoined him. Now exposed and trapped to the full force of all the Warlords, I was on the verge of freaking.

When the Warlords had come together, so did the Ronins. Putting themselves between me and the Warlords, they stood together, WhiteBlaze roaring on cue. Holy shitballs. This was amazing.

Ryo and Anubis, with terrible cries, spurred their companions into action. I stared open-mouthed. Before the two forces could meet, however, a golden streak soared in from the sky. There was the staff, spiked into the ground. The rings began to clack, painfully loud.

"FINALLY!" I sighed, my head falling back. In doing so, I got my hair stuck in a wad of goo. Yuck. "The old man finally arrives." Trying to turn my head, I managed to see the departure of the Warlords, driven away by the power of the Ancients. Straining to free myself, I tugged on the threads, finding that they snapped easily. Probably because they'd been weakened by the light of the staff.

Now having regained some dignity, I stood, pulling the remaining bits of webs from my arms. Just in time, because the was the Ancient One, pulling the staff free of the concrete. I stepped forward of the Ronins, knowing what to say, but also knowing that the Ancient would be one step ahead of me.

He came closer, inspecting me. "You have an odd wind swirling about you."

"No kidding." I shifted my eyes back and forth rapidly from my feet to his face. Looking at a guy who appeared to have no eyes was unnerving. I always suspected that he was blind. But I swallowed my pride, and tried to be respectful. After all, I was keen on respecting my elders, believe it or not. And this guy was old enough to be my elder 8-fold.

"You're not from this realm, that much I can discern."

I kept my mouth shut, biting back the bitter sarcasm I thrived on. "How do I get back to my ...ah.. realm? I mean, I fell through my tv...."

The rings on the staff jingled. He smiled. I had a feeling I was just about to be made to look like an idiot. "All it takes is a desire to return home. You already experienced your will, when you were fleeing from the Dynasty. It was a leap of faith, so to speak."

It took me a moment to process the words, but I remembered. After I had screamed to leave, I'd fallen through floor. ...and... uh... At that moment, a little 5-watt bulb appeared over my head. It lit up, and after three seconds, popped.

The Ancient One smiled kindly. "I see you understand."

"Sure do. ...and... thanks." Without thinking, I threw my arms around him, nearly squeezing the life out of the geezer in a tremendous bear-hug.

I heard the Ronins behind me, probably staring open-mouthed at my affection. "Is she allowed to do that?" Sage whispered.

"Like I know?" Ryo retorted. But at that moment, I let go. He smiled again, and patted my head.

"Take care, child."

I winced internally at the 'child' bit. But I guess when you're as old as him, everyone's a kid. Waving a little, I nodded. "No problem. And thanks." With that, the Ancient One vanished. My shoulders slumped. "Now all I gotta do is fall through the ground. Rapture.... oh... SHIT." I had remembered something else.

When I had dropped from the Dynasty, couldn't I have pulled that trick to get me back home instead? "...so you mean.. I went through all this hell to do something I could have done when I FIRST GOT HERE? DAMNIT ALL!!" I balled my fists, growling.

The teens were silent behind me. I sighed, and turned. "Well.. I guess this is goodbye. I'm gettin' the hell out of here." I did a makeshift salute, using my index and middle fingers to touch my right eyebrow briefly. "Toodles!"

I was off and running towards the tallest building I could find. I heard the Ronins yelling good-byes, but I was in no mood for sentimentality. Besides, I ran the risk of the Warlords showing up again. But I doubted that. They were probably getting themselves reamed out by Talpa.

Oh...fuck. Inside some business corporation, I saw that the elevator was out of order. So that meant 40 flights of stairs. Yay. Just yay. There wasn't much else I could do about it.. so I started running.

After vomiting convulsively every ten floors, I collapsed on the landing of the 40th, stricken with dry-heaves. My lungs were seconds from exploding. "Jeebus... I should...stop... smoking..." I wheezed, pushing myself to my feet. One more door, and then I was on the roof.

Still trying to keep from passing out, I traversed the rooftop of the building, until I came to a ledge. I looked down, to see the street faaaaaar below me, along with five tiny specks. The Ronins were still there, and I'll bet they were anxious. To either see this trick work, or to see if I'd turn into road pizza.

What else was there to do? Squeezing my eyes shut, I jumped.

Windows whizzed by me, and I opened my eyes, to see the sky dropping away. "Right about now I wish I was home!" I murmured. The ground was getting close. Frighteningly close. Were I a lesser cynic, I would have shit my pants three or four times already.

BOING!! I hit bottom, and bounced. Squeaking in fear, my eyes clenched and my jaw tensed, I froze, coming to a stop. Slitting open one eye, I saw above me blobs of color. Pictures of the Ronin Warriors, a 185 dollars worth of printer ink, taped to four walls.

My jaw dropped open. "I'm home..! I'm alive..." I rolled over in bed, and stood in the center of my teeny bedroom.

"I'M GETTING A CAT SCAN!!"

Fin
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XD!! ..that wasn't too bad, now was it?