Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Healing of the Hearts ❯ One-Shot

A/N: Hi this is Kitty! I finally got another story for the site! This is a fic that me and Jennifer have been working on together. We got it done is less than five days, cool huh? I know it's sort but it serves its purpose I think.

JC: This isn't that bad Kitty. But you know Kathrine will hate it.

Kathrine: It isn't that bad. I haven't read to the ending yet and Seiji's about to…

Catherine: Please don't tell them the ending. I haven't quite finished writing it yet.

JC: We hope you like this.

Jenny: Please read for Kitty and Jen! Now n with the fic!

Disclaimer: Do not own the Troopers or Masho. Don't get paid for this.

Warning: YAOI/Shounen Ai, lots of angst, and suicide. Maybe it's just partially suicide. I'm not telling. ^_^

Healing of the Heart

By Kitty and Jennifer

It was becoming too much, he had to get out. For months he had felt himself sinking into a pit of depression that he couldn't get out of. He had even gone to private counseling, but it had only made him realize how truly weak he was to have to do such a thing. He was a Samurai Trooper, one destined to help save the world, and yet nightmares and despondency plagued his restless nights and lonely days.

How can you be so weak? His inner voice would laugh at him. You who thought you could handle anything, gained friends and a part of yourself at the same time, but also you who are nothing more than stone. You let people take you for granted and then cry when they don't appreciate you. They're too afraid to even talk to you with how you act. You take the title 'heart of stone' to a completely new height. Maybe if you would just leave and let them live their lives they might be a lot happier.

So many days he had ignored that voice only to have it come back stronger as his depression deepened. He would watch his friends go about life in happiness and mirth, but it only made his heart hurt more. It wasn't that he was jealous, but he felt that his behavior actually was taking away the beauty of their euphoria. He didn't want to be a burden, he had been a burden to his family during his afflicted youth and did not wish to be the same to those who accepted him even more then they did. It was times like so that the inner voice grew loud and angry.

You see what you are letting happen? You're pushing yourself away and that only makes it worse. You want them to be happy and yet you stay here acting as if they mean nothing to you.

That's not true! He had once defended himself against the voice that was always right.

Really? Then why when Shu asks you to train with him you merely walk away without answering?

I didn't want to make him angry like usual, not when he looked so happy.

Or when Shin called you down to dinner you tell him you'd prefer to just stay in your room all night?

I was tired from training and thought it best to just rest for the rest of the night.

Then what about all the other times you've done it, pushed yourself away and only made everything worse? You're so pathetic. Just leave and make everyone a lot happier.

But I have nowhere to go, he had realized. I can't go home. That would just be burdening them as I did as a child. I can't afford to move out with my current financial status. I need more time.

More time to ruin your fiends' lives? How can you be selfish enough to take that chance?

But they mean so much to me, he tried to reason. I don't want to hurt them.

Then just make it easier for everyone, it had told him many times. There are many different ways of leaving you know…

The voice would fade on that note, leaving him to ponder all his questions without any answers. He decided then that he would leave. He would save his friends the grief of dealing with him and just leave. But he would leave in a way that wouldn't force his burden onto anyone else either.

*****

Anubis sat stiffly meditating in his room surrounded by small burning candles and incense. Something had been bothering him for a long time and he was trying to find out what that something was. It had only been three years since the fall of Talpa and he knew he should happy with his knew situation as one of the Youjakai guardians, but he wasn't. A piece of the puzzle seemed to be missing. He watched those about him and that only made the pain in his chest worse.

Naaza and Rajura seemed very dedicated to their work and each other. Their love had lasted the centuries as if they had only been a couple for a few months. Kayura seemed too caught up in the duties she loved to even care about such relationships, but even she proved to be very happy and content. They were all at peace, except Anubis. He just couldn't seem to let go of what he had lost in that war.

His mind was cleared of all useless thoughts as he sat still on the floor. This was the time he left the youja plane in search of another. And per usual he found a single form waiting there for him and the argument he knew was about to begin. The figure's long red hair fell about him and his eyes were ones of knowledge and understanding. He waited silently until Anubis himself had touched the plane and stood before him.

" Why have you come back?" he asked. " You know to come here only brings you more pain."

" I have come to see you Shuten," Anubis answered. " I believe you know why."

" You can't continue to live in the past," Shuten shook his head. " You have to let me go."

" I cannot let go of that which I never full grasped," Anubis replied. " I loved you and yet I never saw what our love truly was until you had left me."

" That is the past, love," Shuten explained. " Why do you not leave it there?"

" I need you," Anubis admitted. " Nothing feels the same anymore, I can't stand this solitude while still surrounded by others. It's maddening."

" You are only alone because you refuse to let anyone in," Shuten analyzed. " You locked yourself away from everyone else in hopes of losing yourself in what we had."

" What we had is all that kept me sane for those centuries."

" What we had is something we can't regain!" Shuten sounded frustrated. " You have to let me go."

" That is not as easy as you make it sound," Anubis replied. " You are the one that holds my heart."

" That may have been true once and even now partially," Shuten sighed, " but I know that another besides myself as filled your thoughts."

" That's not true," Anubis defended.

" Hai, it is, even if you do not know who it is or even realize it, He is there," Shuten explained. " And you must believe my words and go to him. I no longer need you, but He needs you more than I ever did."

" How can you say that?!" the blue-haired man scowled. " How can you say that my heart belongs to another when I myself cannot tell."

" Anubis, love, I'm dead. I know a lot that the living does not," he gave a small smile that quickly fell away. " But He too shall be if no one realizes his pain. Please, forget about me for once and go to Him."

" I cannot forget about you and I will not try," Anubis stated. An angry glare came to Shuten's eyes and Anubis didn't see the hand before it was to late. He stumbled back slightly out of shock and stared wide-eyed at his dearly departed lover.

" Do you not see how much it hurts me to see you like this?!" Shuten shouted. " If it was I who could take away your pain then I would let you come to me everyday for eternity!" He calmed slightly and his eyes softened. " But I am not the one to save you love, but in order to heal you must save Him first."

" What does that mean?" Anubis asked. That's when the light about them began to dim and fade away. Yami watched in confusion as all of the light was swallowed by an unknown darkness. He could see no one save Shuten who stood before him. " What is going on?" he questioned.

" This is what shall happened if you do not do something," Shuten answered. " The light is slowly dying."

" How do I stop it?" Anubis asked. " I know very well that without the light darkness is tainted."

" Go to Him," Shuten explained. " Save Him before I meet him here."

" But…" he started. He didn't want to leave his love yet. He didn't want to be forced back into the coldness of his reality.

" GO!" Shuten shouted, his voice echoing all around them. Anubis nodded and slowly allowed himself to leave the spiritual plane of his love.

" Don't worry love," Shuten assured him. " I will be here if you need me again." With a nod Anubis was gone, leaving Shuten to sigh at his departure. " You must realize that you need Him and he needs you, only then will both of you heal."

*****

Anubis awoke from his meditation and stood quietly. For some reason he knew that he had to listen to Shuten's words. But how do I save this person? He asked himself. I do not even know who he is. But even as he thought this he could feel a strange pull from deep in his heart. The pull told him that whoever HE was, he would not be found in the Youjakai. His own senses just refused to accept such a thing.

But if He is not in the Youjakai, then He must be in the Nigenkai, Anubis analyzed. Why would Shuten send me to the Nigenkai? The swordsman felt a rush of sadness flow over him and knew it was not his own depression, but someone else's, HIS depression. He felt useless and in the way, a burden to those around him. HIS pain was so immense that Anubis could not believe it came from anyone, either youja or Nigen. Yami knew now that this person was getting desperate and might indeed do something radical to end his pain.

I have to find Him, he decided. Even if Shuten's words are wrong, I can't allow Him to go through this alone. He waved his hand over the candles around the room and all of them were returned to their normal places. He sighed to himself and left the room in a whiff of smoke.

*****

Kayura was busy working on at new treaty between the southern and eastern lands of the Youjakai before they turned to the war that was soon approaching. She hoped that by giving ways that a war would damage both clans that dwelled in those lands and alternatives that could benefit both, they would go against the fighting and make peace with each other. A small content smile fell across her lips as she finished the document. She did love her work a great deal, as she enjoyed keeping war from arising in the Youjakai and maintaining a favorable sense of peace and understanding.

Yet, inside she was very worried. One of her guardians had slowly been pushing himself away from the others. Kayura could tell that it was not intentional, but a way for him to hold on to things that were long gone. Oh Yami, I cannot save you from your mourning, she sighed, but I can hope you pull yourself out of it. Just as she was about to deal with the treaty matters at hand the air in the room shifted and the cause of her worries stood before her.

" Why Anubis, what brings you here?" she asked curiously.

" I came to tall you I will be needing the keys to that place you purchased in the Nigenkai," Anubis replied.

" Why? Do you mean that you are going to the Nigenkai?" she asked with a hint of disbelief.

" Yes," he raised an eyebrow. " What? Are there matters here that need addressing first?"

Kayura couldn't understand how he was acting so casual bout going to the Nigenkai. The only time he had gone before was when she had taken all three of the ex-Masho to see a small apartment she had purchased by selling some of the gold they held in the treasury. She knew that they needed time to relax and thought it would be a safe haven away from home. But Anubis never seemed to want to leave.

" No," she shook her head quickly and picked the set of keys up from her desk. " You know you are free to leave whenever you feel that you need to." She handed them to him with a smile.

" Arigato," Anubis bowed slightly to her. " I do not know when I shall be returning."

" All right, don't worry," she assured him. " Naaza and Rajura can take up your duties until you feel up to a return."

" As you say," he was about to leave when Kayura called to him.

" Yami, please take all of the time you need," she told him. " I do not wish to have unhappy or unhealthy guardians in any way."

" Yes Kayura," he nodded and disappeared once again.

He's not coming back, Kayura told herself. She could see it in the way he stood and the air about him. Anubis would not be returning to the Youjakai for a long time, and even then not permanently.

*****

The air was brisk and cold as HE walked out onto his balcony. The clouds in the sky were thick and gray, a storm was quickly upon them. He allowed the damp wind to toss his hair about him as he stared forward. HE knew that beyond the trees of the small forest was a small lake where his fellow Trooper, Shin, spent most of his time if not with Touma or Shin.

HE wasn't even surprised when those three confessed that they had become a threesome. It seemed right with how they had stuck together and with what they went through together. Ryo and Nasuti were close, but not fully ready to admit their love to each other. It won't be long now, he told himself. He knew that if their love didn't spur confessions then their built up sexual needs would.

A small drop of water hit his hand that lay on the rail. He looked up into the sky and felt another strike him in the eye. Instantly, more drops accumulated and in larger sizes. HE allowed himself a small smile as he allowed the rain to wash over him. It's time, he realized and knew he had to complete his task now or he never would. Holding the railing, he took a leap from the balcony to the ground, letting go as he fell. HE landed gracefully without a sound and began to walk towards the driveway.

He searched briefly over the group of cars in the driveway and quickly walked over to a small green convertible that luckily had its hood up already. He opened the door and stared up at the house that held so much he was giving up with in it. Not giving up, he corrected. Letting go in order to protect.

" Goodbye my friends," he whispered into the wind. No one heard the starting of the engine or departure from the confines of the new storm.

*****

Anubis was ready to give in defeat as he stared through the depleted crowds of the large city. HE wasn't here and Yami did not wish to stay. After checking in at the apartment he had gone out in search of the person his heart called for. The pull was strong, but confused by the other Nigen that surrounded him. He knew it was not these people that called to him, but also that HE wasn't close by.

How do I find him in such a largely populated area? Anubis frowned inwardly. Yami knew that HE was getting very desperate as the pain in his chest increased. I just hope I'm not too late. He closed his eyes and began to concentrate on the pull he could feel strengthening. He could feel that HE was on the edge of his sanity and about to lose it. But with the pain he felt, he could also sense where HE was. Using the ache he felt, he directed himself to where he believed HE would be.

Anubis opened his eyes to find himself surrounded by trees. The rain dripped through the canopy as the wind strangled the branches and their leaves. The pull was strong and he knew that he was very close. But where is this? He wondered. Giving up the location for lost, he began to walk towards the pull as it intensified. The pain in his chest was increasing but he pushed it away to continue his search.

The trees began to spread and he could see the land past the forest. He noticed that he could see a figure through the rain and winds blowing around him. Someone was standing on the edge of the cliff that was beyond the trees. As the lightning flashed in the sky, he realized it was a very familiar someone.

*****

HE stood staring out over the cliff with his feet touching the edge. The clouds looked as if they were waging war against each other and the sea was destroying them all. The waters were swirling and raging with a life of their own and the scene was completely serene. HE looked down at the rocks that the sea seemed to be swallowing and almost hesitated due to their ragged spikes. Don't pull back now! His inner voice growled. Is that how you intend to live your life, by backing down when you get scared?

No! HE responded. He took a step closer and closed his eyes. Just as he was about to give himself away to the wind and storm he could here someone calling to him.

" Korin!"

There's no one there, the inner voice told him. It's all in your mind.

Just like you? HE frowned.

" Korin!" the familiar voice repeated.

It is no one, just what you want to hear.

But since when do I call myself Korin? He asked himself.

" Korin no Seiji!" the voice yelled. It was so familiar that he just couldn't deny his curiosity and finally turned around.

*****

Anubis continued to yell at the figure and believed that he had blocked out the entire world. This is who is calling me? He is who caused this pain in my chest? Anubis almost didn't believe it, but here Korin was, standing on the edge of a cliff looking ready to jump. Finally, the blonde turned to stare at him with a look of shock.

" Anubis?" his eye then cut into a glare. " Come to laugh at my pain, Yami?"

" No!" Anubis replied over the wind.

" Then what do you want?" Seiji asked.

" I came to stop you from doing something you'll regret!" Anubis replied.

" Go away Yami!" Seiji growled. " Return to you Youjakai and leave me to my fate."

" What is wrong with you?!" Anubis shouted. " Are you so ready to die that you would kill yourself?"

" This is this only option I have," Seiji replied. " You would not understand."

" This isn't your only option!" Anubis shook his head. " You don't have to die for no reason."

" No reason?!" Seiji glared at him with icy blue eyes. " You know nothing about what you speak! I can't take this anymore!"

" Don't know what? Can't take what anymore?" Anubis asked. " I can't understand if you don't tell me!"

" The nightmares, the voices, the pain," Seiji replied. " I can escape them at night and I only hurt my friends during the day. I am no longer part of them. I only complicate theirs lives."

" How do you know that?" Anubis asked. " Did they tell you that?"

" I can see it," Seiji stated. " They all change their entire attitudes when I walk into the room. I can't even talk to them without starting an argument. They don't understand me and I'm nothing more than a burden for them to bear."

" I know that's not true!" Kale frowned. " I might not know you as well as they do, but I know that you are strong and don't give up on those you care about. I learned that when I fought you."

" I am not strong," Seiji said sadly. " I am weaker than even a coward for at least a coward know why they are afraid. I do not know why I cause so much pain."

" That's because you don't," the blue-haired man countered. " You aren't all the things you say you are."

" How would you know of what I am?" Seiji asked. " I have killed more than even you."

" Nani?" he didn't understand. " When?"

" That's right Yami," Seiji snickered. " Just last year, I killed hundreds, maybe more and didn't think twice about it, until it was over. Maybe it was the poisons or just the adrenaline pushing me to it, but I liked having so much power. I liked being able to control people's fates."

The pain in Anubis' chest increased to a point he felt that his heart would stop. Yet the pain was not his own, but Korin's. " You're talking madness," he declared as he walked closer to the blonde warrior.

" Look at me Yami," Seiji held his hand out as the rain dripped from them only for more to be added on. " I am nothing. I am no more than a holder of some ancient armor that my family won't even admit exists. I was a burden to them as I am to others now. Do you believe it easy to know that others are pained by your existence?"

" Do believe it easy to feel another pain and be helpless to stop it?" Anubis asked. " Do believe it easy to let go of the one you love and give him to death? Or how would you feel to watch all those around in their happiness and know you've been denied your own?"

" But that is how I feel," Seiji admitted. " Everyone around me is in their own worlds of joy and contentment while I am trapped in remorse and the nightmares of my deeds."

" But that is why you cannot sink so low as to kill yourself," Anubis stood only a foot or two away from him. " You have to heal yourself. Do not give in to your sorrow and pain."

Seiji shook his head and took a step back towards the cliff. " It's too late for me, Yami," he informed him. " Maybe you will find healing in your own words, but they are lost on me. I have chosen my fate and it will in turn protect those near me from my walls of stone and indifference."

The pain intensified and Anubis could not stop his knees from buckling beneath him. Seiji's eyes widened as he realized the extent of what his pain caused. " Our armors," Seiji whispered. " You're dying because I am about to."

" Does it matter?" Anubis growled. " You have already forfeited your life, why not mine as well?"

" I did not intend for anyone to be hurt by my decision," Seiji answered. " I was trying to save others pain."

" How can you save anyone's pain by doing such a thing?" Anubis asked. " What would the other Troopers say to your death? I don't believe jumping about like at a festival is the right wording."

" You care nothing for me," Seiji spat. " You point it to try to save yourself."

" How is it you believe that you are so worthless when you have done so much good?"

" Good is nothing when you have no one in your life to see it," Seiji stated. " Go away Anubis. Go back to your Youjakai and let me be."

" No Korin!" Anubis yelled as he shakily stood once again. " I will not allow you to just throw your life away. You still have much to do."

" I cannot protect this world anymore!" Seiji shouted. " I can't even get a decent night's sleep and you and the others expect me to be ready to help save an entire planet!" He turned around and walked to the edge as before, lightning and thunder flashing in front of him. " Goodbye Yami, maybe I will see you and the others in the next lifetime."

" NO!!" the ex-Masho yelled just as he watched the blonde dive smoothly, with perfect form, over the precipice. Forever graceful, even when he's trying to die, were the first thoughts that came to Anubis' mind. Quickly tossing them from the forefront, Anubis downed his armor and disappeared from the plain of the bluff.

*****

The air and rain swirled around him as he continued to propel to the stones and waves below. I should have died a long time ago anyway, he told himself. Suddenly, he felt metallic arms wrap around him and the air shift quickly. Next thing he knew he was hitting the ground with something metal beneath him. A low grunt escaped the figure that held him and he knew that his chance had been taken from him.

" No," Seiji whispered. He turned to glare at the person who had forfeited his death knowing it would be Anubis. He rolled away when the arms opened and snarled hatefully. " How could you do that to me?!" he demanded to know. The lightning flashed again, proving that they were once again on the cliff.

" How could you, who is supposed to be so sagacious, act with such stupidity?!" Yami snarled back and he got to his knees.

" I was suppose to die!" Seiji stated. " It would have fixed everything! They would have been better off!"

Anubis was tired of this now as he acting and stood, ignoring the reoccurring pain in his chest. He stood before the blonde that sat and his knees and willed away his armor. Then he grabbed Seiji by his arms and lifted him up so that they were eye to eye.

" Let go of me!" the blonde squirmed to get free.

" Shut up!" Anubis yelled in his face. " You are so caught up in your world of misery that you do not realize the true repercussions of your actions. Do you not see that pain you will cause those you leave behind?!"

" What would you of all people know of pain?" Seiji asked accusingly. " You who know only how to best cause it cannot speak."

" You think I don't know pain? The one person that I loved and loved me in return is dead and left me with nothing." Anubis stated, his words drenched in venom. " He died so that you and the others could continue to protect this world and you think I don't know pain!"

" Shuten?" Seiji was shocked.

" What did you think a Masho could not feel, could not love?" Yami asked with slit eyes.. " Well you are wrong! Just as you are wrong to believe your death will bring any good!"

" You don't understand, you don't know," Seiji whispered as he looked away. Anubis placed him back n the ground and held his chin so that their eyes were still aligned.

" I do understand, the pain, the loneliness, the jealous of those who have happiness," the blue-haired man replied. " I know and feel it all Seiji, do not believe you are alone in your sadness."

" Nani?" Seiji finally stared directly into his deep blue eyes. " You just called me, 'Seiji'."

" Is that not your name?" Anubis asked.

" But you've never called me it before," Seiji turned his eyes away again.

" Don't shut me out," the other swordsman told him. " To refuse others is to truly be alone."

" But I don't want to be alone," Seiji whispered. " I'm tired of trying to fake happiness and joviality when I haven't felt it so long. I want to know what it's like to love someone like the others love one another, to have someone love me like that."

Anubis leaned closer to him so that their lips weren't even a breath apart. " You will find that love, believe me," he assured him. " But you must be alive to do so."

Without even realizing it Seiji's heart had began to beat faster and the adrenaline was still flowing through his veins slightly. He moved forward and brushed his mouth against Anubis'. Force was added from the other man and he could feel the softness of the wet lips as they stayed in that moment. He felt so lost and yet, this felt so right. The softness and sincerity of the one who was still holding his chin so barely upward was what he believed he wanted, no needed to feel whole again.

Anubis was shocked to feel himself kissing the blonde bearer of Korin and could feel the sense of guilt in the back of his mind. But the silkiness of Seiji's lips against his and the completion he could feel in his chest that had taken the place of the pain, told him that he was not wrong. He moved his lips open a little and gently brushed his tongue over the blonde's bottom lip. He was even more shocked when the blonde complied with his silent request and allowed him access to his warm cavern.

Seiji was swimming in emotions he had never felt before when Anubis pulled away out of necessity to breathe. He took in a deep breath and tried to make sense out of what had just happened. Nothing came to mind as an explanation for his oncoming attraction to his once enemy, but he knew that he didn't care at that moment.

The ex-Masho could see the flush of the blonde's cheeks and the shade of violet they had become. Seiji hesitantly lifted his hand to his face and caressed his cheek. " Show me?" he requested. " Please show what is means like to be loved like that. I need to know that feeling."

For some reason the truth of what the blonde was asking made him delighted and almost fearful. He was almost scared that the blonde wasn't sure of what he was saying. " Are you sure?" he asked for confirmation.

" Yes, please show me," Seiji nodded.

Anubis leaned down again to brush his lips against Korin's before picking him up in his arms. " I will show you, Seiji," he told him. Lightning flashed again in the sky, but the two swordsmen were already gone.

*****

The storm died away, but the two didn't even realize it. The first beginnings of daylight found them lying together in Anubis' room of the apartment, only a sheet to cover their bodies. Anubis had his head on the pillow with his hand stroking the silky blonde mane of his lover that lay on his chest. Everything seemed so right and perfect, but he still had a trace of guilt in his mind.

Why should I feel this way? He asked himself. Shuten was the one who told me that this is what would happen. He told me that I would find the one to heal my heart. He eyes gazed loving at the sleeping swordsman and he knew that this was what Shuten had wanted. With his conscience cleared he fell into the world of dreams.

*****

He was in a field of luscious grass and other plants with the sun shining brightly. He watched as a figure appeared before him with a smile on his face. His long red hair fell about him and his features told of the peace he had found.

" Hello Shuten," he whispered.

" Hello Korin no Seiji," he replied.

" Why have you brought me here?" the blonde asked.

" To thank you," he answered. " Thank for saving him."

" He saved me," Seiji countered, knowing exactly whom he was speaking of.

" Yes, but you helped him rid himself of his feelings of remorse and guilt about me," Shuten explained. " He was too afraid to let go."

" I understand," Seiji nodded.

" I have one favor to ask of you before you go," Shuten added.

" Nani?"

" Please do not hurt him, he's more emotionally fragile than he will admit," Shuten gave a small smile.

" Believe me I would never try to," Seiji assured him.

" Arigato," Shuten whispered. The blonde merely smiled in reply and left the field, returning to the world he knew. " Anubis love, I know now that I can finally go in peace. I no longer need to worry about you." Then the man walked out of the field, never needing to return.

A/N: Did you like it? Kitty's crying her eyes out after finishing it. So I, the forever-helpful JC, have decided to write the last few notes. What do you want to say Kitty?

Catherine: ( words mumbled through tears and sobs)

JC: She wanted to know how you liked it and if you wanted her to continue. This just might be only a first chapter or first story in a series if you like it.

Catherine: ( more words mumbled through sobs and wails)

JC: She also said that she has another chapter planned if you're nice. Oh, and readers if you thought that you would get a lemon please do not be mad. Kitty gets nosebleeds just thinking about stuff like that. Jennifer wouldn't write one because she believes that people will read her work only for them and degrade the true meaning of her words. But don't fret, I shall be putting one in one of my stories if things go well.

Kathrine: Kitty! How could you let him live?! Seiji could have died and then Kale would be forced to live an eternity with a broken heart! You could have had a great ending!

JC: I knew she would get like this. Well anyway. Please review so we can know how you liked it. Ja ne for now!