Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ I Will Remain ❯ I will remain 02 ( Chapter 2 )

Shin woke up to a familiar ceiling. He knew exactly where he was. He in the one place he didn't want to be. He was home and it contained the one person he dreaded to see. The one that broke his heart and ripped out his soul. He sat up in bed and realized. That his bandage had been changed and he was now in sweat clothes. Plus, his headache had returned. It pounded loud enough to make it hard to hear the muffled voices through the open door.

I was a dam builder across the river deep and wide
where steel and water did collide
A place called Boulder on the wide Colorado
I slipped and fell into the wet concrete below
They buried me in that great tomb that knows no sound

But what he didn't notice. Was a certain raven haired, tiger blue eyed, young man. That was standing just out side his door. With as much as a broken heart that he had.

He to could still remember that day he left his love standing there. The things he told him were nothing close to the truth. He knew they were cold, but he felt it was the only way to keep the gentle warrior at a distance. He bit his lip as the memory slipped across his mind.

He held his face in hands and choked down the lump that must have been his heart. He looked strait into emerald eyes and forced a smile.

That's when he told him. "You were good for a while, but that's it. I never wanted any thing more from you." His heart cracked as he saw a tear escape from his eyes and added. "Besides, I have my heart set on some one else. You asked what was wrong, Shin. I've been longing for some one else. Some one you could never be."

Now, ever since that day, he longed to tell him the opposite and hold him tightly in his arms. The reasons he had for leaving him were things. That he thought they could over come. Although, how could he turn that around now? To tell him that it wasn't right to be in love with a comrade and the emotions would only interfere with rational reasoning in battle. That would only endanger the others and themselves. To tell him it wasn't right to be in love with him in the first place… How could he say that to him now?

He couldn't turn back time and he regretted his actions every minute of every day since then. Tears escaped as he heard heavy sobs seeping from his love's room. There was nothing that he could do now: to replace the hurt and anger in his broken warrior. So, he kept walking on by the room. That was empty yet contained his heart.

But I am still around
I'll always be around ... and around ... and around ...

Shin stared out the window with out feeling as the sobs slowly stopped. The room was still and echoed the quietness off the walls. With every one he loved downstairs. They still seemed so far away and that he'd never reach them if he tried.

He had given every thing to the one he loved. His heart, his soul and now they were returned to him like used goods. After they had been rolled in the black ashes of a fire that he thought was never there.

'So now what? Move on and forget to forgive? That will never heal the hole that ripped open deep inside. I love you and I can't change that even though I tried. I should stay for the sake of the others, but what use am I if my faith and trust is no longer strong? Each breath I breathe takes strength from my courage. That makes me weaker as each second ticks by. This numbness is like a disease that keeps spreading from where my heart was.'

Shin got up and out of bed. He stood by his bed a second and walked into the bathroom. Where a mirror hung above the sink. He stood there and looked at the reflection that stared back. It was there he knew what was his fate. He never thought it would happen to him, but he could feel it happening and he didn't wish it to stop. He just stood there and in some odd way thought it funny. That it was a real condition and was near its final phase.

He sat quickly to the side of the bathtub as his legs lost their support. He knew his breathing was shallow and his weakness was growing. He could feel it in the air of what was happening.

I fly a starship across the universe divide
and when I reach the other side
I'll find a place to rest my spirit if I can
Perhaps I may become a highwayman again
or I may simply be a single drop of rain

He grabbed as much strength he had left to make to the bed. Rolling over in bed he let out a tired sigh. He noticed the headache had slipped away. All he ever wanted was to feel the same tender touch from his love. It would have been a ray of hope in the fast approaching darkness. Some thing to hold on to and guide him back.

He knew it wasn't going to happen though. So, he closed his eyes and smiled at the image he made in his mind. A beautiful face that he knew wasn't really there. Then sadness washed over him as he let the realization fade into thoughts. Thoughts that washed to darkness as he slipped away. When he surrendered to a broken heart.

But I will remain
and I'll be back again ... and again ... and again ...

That's all folks…