Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Madness ❯ 03 – loves embrace ( Chapter 3 )

Madness:
03 - loves embrace

 

 

Seiji walked into the kitchen to see Shin doing the dishes. Seiji pulled his sweat shirt off and draped it over the back of a chair. And walked over to where the other was.

 

He watched him a moment. Handling the bowls with care it almost seemed graceful. He always liked just watching him. It was like he had his movements down to a well mastered art. Yet his quietness made it hard to enjoy it.

 

“… How serious are you with him?” Seiji finally asked.

 

Shin didn't stop and put a bowl in the water. “You here to fight with me?”

 

Seiji leaned against the counter. “No… I just, need to talk.”

 

“Then why don't you go find Touma… “

 

Seiji was quiet for a moment. “Shin I am trying to talk to you.”

 

“Now you want to talk? I don't know what to do anymore Seiji.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I told you I was going to go back to you, but I couldn't be with you while you're not yourself.” Seiji stood there. “I am I so quickly replaced?”

 

“Wait, wait… you want me not to see anyone - including you, while I am trying to get back to being myself. And yet you're sleeping with Ryo? Are you sane?” Seiji said noting what it sounded like. “You know what I think, Shin? I think you either been thinking about going to him before I left or you already were.”

 

Shin stopped and dried his hands off. “I wanted to leave as soon as you started to leave bruises on me. And he was there for me.”

 

“You should have said something to me the minute you realized you didn't like any of it. And you can't tell me that you're some sort of angel in bed. You left plenty of bruises on me as well. I devoted everything of me to you. Why wasn't that good enough? `Fess up, Ryo isn't here. It's just me. So just tell me the real reason you left. Because you were gone before I left. Do you know why, Shin?”

 

Shin shook his head a bit as he placed the towel on the counter.

 

“Because that feeling you got, that I replaced you. Is the same one I got. I don't know what you did or if anything even happened. But I know I lost you to him a long time ago. It ate at me. I was so helpless like I am now, still. Because I can't make you not love him. The moment you decided you wanted him…. It was like my heart cracked with out telling me why. I had no idea what the problem was until all of a sudden he was all you seemed to be talking about. These bonds are stronger than you might think.” Seiji said taking a moment to calm down. “I just want to know why I wasn't good enough.”

 

“It's not that you weren't good enough… what ever this is with him. It just sucked me in. And I don't think I can give it up. Being away from you Seiji is killing me. I wish I could give you what you want. Please don't make choose.”

 

“Make you choose? Was I asking you to?”

 

Shin stood there quiet a moment with a lost look on his face.

 

“As far as I am concerned we've been over a while now. I just wanted to hear your excuse. Because I really don't want to leave it up to my imagination.”

 

“Okay, yes.” Shin said stepping back slightly and looking to the floor. “I started sleeping with him before we started having problems.” He confessed.

 

“So stop making me out to be the bad guy. Because we both know… all of it was a direct reaction to the bond and heart breaking. You did this to me and I don't want you anymore. In fact, I bet Ryo might even change his mind once he understands what happened.”

 

“Seiji, please you don't know how much I still love you. I never meant to hurt you, anyone. I miss you so much, please don't hate me.” He pleaded with tears starting to well up.

 

“I don't hate you… I could never hate you, but I wish I could. I do hate seeing you with him, hearing you with him. And I admit I take that out on Ryo. It really isn't his fault. But… you used to seem like a ball of light to me. Bright, comforting and peaceful and now it's like there's only a shell. You're like nothing, like that chair over there. I never wanted that to happen I didn't realize it was possible. And the funny part is, I don't think I need you for your heart anymore. I know someone who's ready to share theirs with me. And you don't understand what it means to share it. It's not plural Shin I can't rip my heart into parts and hand it out.”

 

Shin wiped his tears away and nodded. “You're right… You can't. I think maybe I have my bonds crossed with my affections of the heart. And I need to find out how to fix it.” He said as he was composing himself. “I actually think Touma is great for you.”

 

“What?” Seiji said in disbelief. “Why all of sudden this decision?”

 

“It makes sense doesn't it? So, the right thing to do… is: Find the problem… and fix it. This is what needs to be done. I'll find a way, I promise. Maybe some day things will go back to normal.”

 

Seiji raised an eyebrow a bit. “Shin, things will never go back to normal. You and I are done. Your normal now, is Ryo. And you're actually starting to confuse me.”

 

Shin shrugged a bit. “I think I just need to start over. I have made such a big mess of things. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just hit a button and keep trying over until you had things the way you want them?”

 

“I think everyone does.”

 

Shin sniffled a bit and went back to washing dishes. Seiji watched him for a few moments before taking a step closer and pulling him to his chest. Holding him gently.

 

“I didn't want to fight or argue with you.” Seiji said softly as he held him.

 

“… I know. I m sorry… “ Shin said resting in his arms.

 

Seiji slightly caressed him. “I will always love you.” And like always that feeling of peace slowly took him over. He was going to hold him as long as he would let him: knowing it could be the last time he might be able to this way.

 

Shin moved first and kissed his cheek before pushing some of his hair out of his face. “Why don't you sit down… I'll make something for you to eat.” He said as he stepped back and pulled a chair out. Seiji nodded and sat down. “Then you need to rest. Promise?” He added.

 

Seiji smiled a bit. “Sure, Shin, as soon as I am done.” He said as he admired the smile that shined a little for him in return. Such a nice warm feeling in knowing that it was only for him. And for a moment the world seemed right. Like it had stopped spinning if only for minute. It was because the bearer of Suiko always brought him home.

 

Seiji's attention went to the stitches in his pants as he sat there. The room was so silent and it echoed through his body making him even more fidgety. His smile slowly faded behind his quiet demeanor as he sat there. In his hospital gown, not really knowing what he did to merit being caged there.

 

The door clicked and closed quietly making the blonde look. Seeing the blue haired archer leaving. Seiji sighed and lay back closing his eyes, exhausted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

End