Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Pain, Joy, Life ❯ Forgiveness ( Chapter 13 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Pain, Joy, Life


Chapter 13
Forgiveness




Ryo-




"We ll," Xiu said, dramatically. "This is my room." He swung open the door and Ryo was surprised at what he saw. He'd though, from the short time he'd known Xiu, that Xiu's room would be messy, a real pigsty. Instead, it was small and well organized, if not a bit spartan. There was one large window set between two narrow beds that let sunlight fill the room. "I share with my little brother, Chung, but he shouldn't bother us. Usually, he spends the afternoons washing dishes for mama." Xiu sat himself down on one of the beds and motioned for Ryo and Touma to make themselves comfortable. "Sit wherever you like, Chung won't care, just don't mess up his toys and he'll be happy."

Xiu had to, he told them, keep everything clean and tidy or his mama would have a fit. It was hard enough having such a big family without worrying about messy kids. So Xiu had learned to keep himself and his little brothers and sisters neat and organized.

Touma wasted no time in getting them started and began pulling books out of his bags. "Where do you guys want to start?"

"Biology, please!" Xiu said. "I've got a test in two days and I'm gonna flunk without you." Xiu paused, looking at Touma's face sharply. "You know," He said slowly. "I've been meaning to ask. Why don't you go to Seiji and ask him for some help with your face?"

Touma's hand flew up to his face, almost but not quite touching the injuries his father had put there. "I tried." Touma said, a bit bitterly. "Seiji said he thought the injuries should stay there until court so the judge can see what happened. He thinks it would look bad if I went in all healed up." Looking away, out the window, Touma said more softly, "I just wish none of this ever happened."

"I'm afraid I can't agree with you." Xiu told him, moving to sit next to Touma so he could put his arm around Touma's shoulders. Touma stared at him with an almost betrayed look on his face. "Don't look at me like that, you know what I mean. This all had to come out sooner or later and you've made it pretty clear to everyone that you'd never turn your dad over to the cops. I'm sorry you had to be the one to hurt him, but I'm glad it's finally coming out."

Ryo knew that Touma was being abused at his home ever since the night when Touma had come to the shelter, but it was strange when Ryo had gone back to school and found out Touma was accused of trying to kill his dad. Everyone had been talking about it and Ryo found that since he was a friend of Touma's everyone at school kept coming to him for answers.

"Seiji did give me something for the pain." Touma continued, pulling out a jar of some kind of white paste. "It works, too. I'm not sure what it is, but Seiji said he made it himself and it works pretty good." It was a canning jar, like the kind you see homemade pickles in, with a screw-on lid. On the side of the jar was a label with the simple words, written in blue ink, WASH YOUR FACE. "I think," Touma said dryly, seeing Ryo stare at the jar, "That Seiji thought I'd try to eat it. Ugg! As if that's going to happen! It smells like cinnamon, but I think he used pig fat or something."

"He didn't tell you?" Xiu asked, looking puzzled.

"No. He said, 'If I tell you, you won't use it. Just do what you're told, Touma. Honestly, sometimes you're so stubborn. I don't know why I bother to help you!'" Touma said with a decent impersonation of Seiji.

Xiu laughed. "Yeah, that sounds like my Sei-Chan."

"Seiji also told me I'm to stop by his house sometime soon for my bath appointment."

Xiu explained to Ryo, "Seiji believes very much in the healing power of baths, so if one of his friends gets sick or hurt, he turns into Florence Nightingale and gets all motherly. He'll drag you, if necessary, to his house for bath time and he really believes it helps to heal." He shook his head. "It's almost worse than an over protective Shin. Almost." Xiu blushed slightly. "I heard when Seiji pulled you into the bathtub the other day, I'm sorry I got so pissed, Ryo. I KNOW Seiji takes baths with people he likes and I KNOW it's no different than using the public baths...but...I just don't like sharing him. He's so wonderful, I get jealous whenever other people look at him. I just know someday someone's going to come along and steal him from me."

"I wouldn't do t-that." Ryo assured Xiu. He honestly had no desire to be in any relationship with anyone, let alone someone else's boyfriend. 'But I guess it does kind of explain why Seiji wanted me in the bathtub with him.' Ryo thought. 'If he thought he was helping me, somehow. I wish he wasn't so forward though and had asked me first.'

"All right!" Touma said briskly, slipping the jar back into his bag. "Enough of this. We came here to study and that's what we're going to do!" When Xiu groaned, Touma snapped, "If I have to fail these tests, I'm going to make damned sure you two pass with flying colors! I can get some teaching practice, too."

"Teaching?" Ryo asked, pulling out his biology book.

Xiu answered for Touma who now looked away, embarrassed. "Didn't he tell you? Touma wants to be a teacher someday."

"Maybe." Touma added softly. "If everything works out."

"It will." Xiu reassured him. "You'll be a great teacher, Touma!"

"They'll never let me be a teacher if I go to jail for trying to kill my dad."

"Your dad isn't dead, so the charges will only be assault. You told me that yourself. Besides, we're all going to tell what your dad was doing to you so you'll be let off the hook. It was self defense."

Touma shook his head. "Let's drop the subject and get onto studying. All right?"






They studied for quite a while; Ryo struggling just to read the book while Xiu floundered with the ideas of single celled creatures and their reproduction. It was actually pretty fun, though Ryo's mind did keep wandering back to Shin. 'Shin mustn't have said anything to anyone or they wouldn't want me here.' But Ryo couldn't figure out why Shin would keep his mouth shut. He'd seen Ryo eating a raw dog, after all, and even Ryo had to admit that it had been pretty gruesome. 'I wish I'd eaten more, though.' Ryo thought. He'd only eaten a mouth full and it didn't give him what he needed. Byakuen was feeling a bit better with the meat, but Ryo hadn't eaten since then. Thankfully, there had been no hunger pangs, but Ryo wasn't sure why.

So there they sat, talking and working while the great smells wafted up from the restaurant downstairs. 'I promised granma I'd be home early.' Ryo thought, looking out the window to the growing darkness. The wind was picking up, also, bashing branches from the small tree outside against the window. Ryo had promised his granma that he would study hard and make something of himself, but he didn't want her to be alone tonight. She had developed a cough the other day, but still refused to see a doctor, not even one at the charity clinic. It didn't cost much and, Ryo knew, he could steal the money easily enough. Not that she knew he was stealing.

Ryo's mind wasn't entirely on his granma, though. He was still thinking of the other night when Shin had seen him and worried about what Shin was going to do. All day at school Ryo had carefully avoided Shin, for fear of what Shin would say to him. Shin had been a good friend and it was Shin who had introduced Ryo to everyone. 'Maybe I should have stayed and explained to Shin that I needed the food.' But Shin might not understand and Ryo was also worried that Shin had seen him stealing. 'I don't know how long he was watching me or following me. What if he tells granma what I did?' Ryo nearly worked himself into a panic with these thoughts.

Touma, though, had asked a few awkward questions about last night. 'I don't know if Shin told him anything or if he's just curious.' Ryo had had to lie to Touma several times about where he was and what he was doing, but he couldn't bear to let anyone know what he'd done. 'But maybe I'll be lucky and Touma's just making conversation.'

Ryo groaned. 'I have to think of something. Maybe if I had something important I could give Shin, he won't tell.' But he had nothing important or of any value. The only consolation Ryo had was that Shin hadn't seen his other secret. Ryo had been so startled when Shin had snuck up on him; he'd almost let the fire loose. 'I don't understand why the fire didn't try to get me to attack Shin.' Ryo frowned at that. The fire's voice always wanted Ryo to do something terrible, but it told him to run away from Shin.

It was lucky for Shin that the fire didn't want to hurt him. There had been several unsettling incidents in the past where Ryo hadn't been able to control the fire. It sometimes got away from him when Ryo wasn't able to control himself or his temper. People had been hurt and things destroyed when Ryo couldn't control himself, which was to often for comfort.

Ryo was only at Xiu's home for two hours before he stood up. "I have to go. Granma is waiting." His speech was still halting, but now, he barely stuttered at all.

Xiu and Touma didn't try to argue with him as he gathered his things together and Touma told Ryo that Xiu was going to walk him home. "I'm not supposed to be out without an escort." Touma rolled his eyes. "Like I'm any better off with Xiu with me. Still, I guess the whole purpose is to have a witness around in case I go off the deep end and do something stupid."

"Don't get so touchy." Xiu warned Touma. "Just think of it as walking with a friend. There's nothing so terrible with that." Xiu changed the subject quickly while he led them downstairs into the kitchen. "Now, Ryo," Xiu said brightly while they walked into the kitchen. "My mama's making her famous chicken and rice and she just closed the restaurant for dinner for the family. Think your granma would want some?"

Ryo, startled at the offer, smiled. If he didn't ask then it wasn't begging. Ryo turned and started to say yes, when the world spun violently. Ryo felt like he was away from his body and he couldn't hear what his friends just said. His lips felt all tingly and his legs felt numb. Ryo suddenly felt sick to his stomach and everything collapsed.







Someone was looking down at him, but the face was blurry and Ryo blinked, trying to get it into focus. Ryo couldn't feel his body at all, but he knew he was laying on his back and someone was trying to talk to him. The voice, or voices, were to soft and sort of echoed, distorting them enough that Ryo couldn't hear them. A couple more heads came into view, one with shocking blue hair and the other with large brown eyes. 'I'm at Xiu's house. Why am I on the floor? What happened?'

"Are you all right?" Ryo recognized the voice as mama Faun and he was suddenly able to feel her patting his cheek to wake him up. "Ryo, dear, are you all right? Talk to me."

Ryo opened his mouth, but nothing came out. His eyes started to focus and now he knew it was Touma and Xiu, who were also looking down at him, concerned.

"I...I'm fine." Ryo tried to prop himself up and grew dizzy almost at once, and had to lay down again. Ryo didn't hurt so much as he just felt sick right now. Ryo forced a smile for mama Faun. "Just t-t-tired."

"Yes, of course your fine." Mama Faun said sarcastically as she examined him closely. "All healthy boys collapse for no apparent reason. I think I'll just take a ride to the hospital with you and..."

"No." Ryo said, pushing himself up. This time he managed to stay sitting, but he really didn't want to try standing up any time soon. "I'm okay. R-really."

Touma put a hand on Ryo's shoulder. "Ryo...um...you're pale as a ghost and twice as thin. Not to mention that you're shaking like a leaf." He awkwardly looked at Xiu. "We can tell you haven't eaten for a while. All of us have noticed. I really think you should see a doctor. If you don't want to go to the hospital, Seiji's mom is a doctor. She'll help you."

Ryo shook his head; he didn't need to worry more people about his problems. "I have to go home." He couldn't pay for a doctor anyway and he certainly wasn't going to ask Seiji's mom to work for free. It was nothing, it just meant he had to get some more food somehow.

"Well, will you at least stay for dinner? Touma always sleeps over, but he can't tonight, you're more than welcome to stay with us." Mama Faun seemed reluctant to let him go anywhere out of her sight, probably just worried he might keel over somewhere in the streets. She was probably right to be worried.

Ryo was almost drooling at the scent of Mama Faun's cooking, but looked away guiltily. "I should g-go. My granma..."

Mama Faun waved away his protest with a swipe of her large hand. "Nonsense! I'm sure she wouldn't mind you being a half an hour late." Her smile and the smell of fresh bread won over Ryo. "You don't have to stay long, but please eat something."

'I'll just take some back for granma.' Ryo promised himself, letting Xiu and Touma help him to his feet.

"Ryo, man, are you sure you're OK?" Xiu sounded even more worried than his mama had. "You just fainted out of the blue and you look like shit. You're damned lucky you made it down the stairs before you fell."

Ryo nodded, trying to reassure him, but only when Ryo was on his feet did he notice that all Xiu's little brothers and sisters were there and watching him with big, scared eyes. "That's enough, you lot!" Mama Faun said to her brood. "Get to the table, there's no need for everyone to be staring at the poor boy!"

Touma and Xiu helped Ryo to the dinner table, actually three tables pushed together in the now closed restaurant, and he was given the firm order by mama Faun to, "Stay put and don't move." Xiu and Touma ran back and forth to the kitchen, bringing plates and glasses, large bowls of food and other necessary things. It was while Xiu was doing this that Xiu's dad came in.

Xiu's dad was a big, strapping man, very round like mama Faun, but taller. He had a long, narrow mustache and short hair, cut close to his scalp. The man wore a business suit and apparently had just come from talking to the bank about a loan for the restaurant. "Hello, Touma." The big man said, slapping Touma on the back when Touma passed him with a large tray of bread. "It's been a long while since we've seen you around here. I read all about that terrible business with your father. I just want you to know you have the backing of our family, Touma. We're behind you all the way."

"Thank you, papa Faun." Touma replied with a smile. "I'll remember that."

On the whole, Ryo liked Xiu's dad. He was a very happy person and after he'd spoken to Touma, all his children came barreling towards him for hugs and kisses. "My little dumplings!" Papa Faun exclaimed joyfully. He was obviously a family man and his children adored him, which showed Ryo how great of a man he must be. When he was done with his round of hugs and kisses, giving even Xiu a brief hug, and his wife a long kiss, papa Faun noticed Ryo sitting silently at the dinner table. "Well, you look new." He smiled kindly and made his way to Ryo's side until he was looking down at Ryo. "I don't seem to remember you about, young man."

"Papa," Xiu said, coming forward while mama Faun was getting all the children settled around the tables. "This is Sanada Ryo, he's a friend from school. He's not feeling so well, so he's going to eat dinner with us."

Papa Faun nodded and gave Ryo a pat on the shoulder. "Probably a good idea. You do look a bit pale."

"He fell down, papa!" One of Xiu's little sisters practically yelled and Ryo felt his face burn with embarrassment as the rest of Xiu's family started shouting about Ryo's fainting spell.

"Now, that's enough chatter." Mama Faun smiled at Ryo benignly. "I'm sure we'd all much rather eat."






Ryo hadn't eaten so well in a long, long time. Everything was cooked to perfection and there was so much that Ryo was encouraged to take more, even after his second helping. Mama Faun didn't let anyone leave her table after only one helping and she served a heavy plate. Rounded over with rice, chicken, vegetables, and more. A large glass of cold milk and even a slice of chocolate cake for desert. It was Ryo's first taste of chocolate in years. Ryo was feeling quite stuffed and pleasantly drowsy when the conversation took a turn for the worse.

"They've got one of those damned fags working at the bank, now." Papa Faun said casually.

Ryo saw Xiu stiffen for just a moment while he was eating, but Xiu quickly went on eating as if he hadn't heard anything. Touma was focused on his food, too, and didn't look up at papa Faun who went on talking to mama Faun.

"I just don't see how they can justify doing it, really. I understand the need for equality and all that, but do those sort of people need to act like that in public?" Papa Faun asked with a slight frown while he ate. "I mean, really! That man had two earrings and he was so effeminate that all you had to do was put a dress on him and you'd think he was a woman!"

Mama Faun shook her head. "It's shameful, that's what it is. And no one complains, I suppose?"

"Bah! Everyone's to wrapped up in political correctness to make a person behave decently! I don't try to control what other people say or do in their own private lives, but I'd really rather not see it when I go to work or when I might have my children with me!"

Ryo suddenly understood why, at Seiji's house, Xiu had been so reluctant to tell his parents about him and Seiji.

"There's no need for a man to be acting like a fairy in public, he should at least try to act a little more manly." Papa Faun looked around at his family. "I don't see any need to put on that sort of exhibition in public." Papa Faun sighed dramatically. "I may have to ask for a transfer, honey. I don't think I'll be able to keep my mouth shut if I have to watch that guy prance into work one more day. You know I don't want to offend anyone, but..." He let his sentence trail away while he continued to eat.

Touma and Xiu exchanged tense looks, but kept their mouths shut.

"Papa?" One of Xiu's little brothers spoke up. "Why does the man act like that if no one likes him?"

"God only knows, my little dumpling." Papa Faun answered. "I guess he's just foolish. Well, so long as I don't have to live with it in my own family, it's none of my business." He paused before turning to Xiu. "So, how's your friend, Seiji? We haven't seen him in a while, either."

Xiu choked on his food and Touma had to slap his back before Xiu could breathe again. "He's fine, papa. His grandfather keeps him pretty busy in the dojo, though. He keeps pretty busy helping his mom out, too."

"Ah, yes. A good woman, Mrs. Date. What a shame she had to end up with a husband like that."

From there the conversation turned to safer grounds and Ryo thought about Xiu's delicate situation while everyone else talked. 'How awful to have a great dad like that, but to be afraid to talk to him. Papa Faun would really react badly if Xiu told him about him and Seiji, but there's no way Xiu's going to be able to keep it quiet for long. If nothing else, rumor spreads like wildfire and someone will say something to papa or mama Faun.'







Ryo smiled, clutching the paper bag mama Faun had packed for him as he walked away from the Faun home after dinner had finished. 'Granma will be so happy!' Rice, chicken and cake especially for her and granma LOVED chocolate. Touma and Xiu were walking slowly in the other direction and Ryo cast one last look over his shoulder at them. Xiu's head was hanging low and Touma didn't seem to be in that much of a hurry, either.

'I don't think I can help them.' Ryo thought, turning away from them. 'I can't even solve my own problems.' It had been so sad, when they'd stood outside the restaurant and Xiu just stood there, biting his lip for the longest time.

"I don't know what the Hell I'm going to do." He confessed softly, as if he was afraid someone was listening inside the restaurant. "I don't want to disappoint my family and I don't want my dad to hate me, but I can't give up Seiji." Xiu looked so tired when he spoke. "I wish everything was different."

"You're not alone." Touma said and Ryo had to agree with both of them. But wishing never made anything come true so it was useless to think about it. "Come on back to Shin's with me. He's got a good shoulder to cry on."







The old gas station was dark when Ryo got back so he assumed that the fire he'd left for Byakuen and his granma had burned itself out. Ryo heard Yaku-Chan whine at him the moment he walked in. "Are you hungry again?" Ryo asked, patting Byakuen's head. When Byakuen answered with a lick on Ryo's hand, Ryo laughed softly. "All right. I'll see you in the m-morning. Happy hunting."

Byakuen ran off in great bounds into the night, leaving Ryo alone with his all ready sleeping granma. She was fast asleep under one of Sister Jo's blankets, her head resting on another blanket. "Granma?" Ryo got on his knees and shook her slightly. "Granma, wake u-up. I've got food."

His granma woke slowly, blinking and looking around carefully. "Cold." She said in a whispered voice.

Ryo looked at the almost dead fire and brought it back to life with a slight pull on his strangely silent fire. Normally, he could expect a running commentary from the voice while he was going about his normal life, but in the passed few hours, it hadn't said a word. When the fire was blazing brightly, Ryo sat next to his granma and pulled out a chicken leg for her. "Xiu's f-family sent it. Sorry I'm l-late."

His granma didn't answer, though. She just lay there and made no move to get up. She looked worse than usual; almost transparent she was so pale and terribly sleepy, like she couldn't keep her eyes open.

"Granma, are you a-a-all right?" Ryo was just starting to get worried when she turned her head to look at him.

"Ryo." Her breath was as thin as she was but she raised a hand to put it on his. "Lay down and get some rest, my Ryo."

Ryo didn't really want to lay down. 'She looks terrible! Maybe I should take her to the hospital even if she doesn't want to go.' But Ryo wasn't sure. If she seemed confused or like she wasn't thinking straight, he knew he could take her to the hospital because it would be his duty to take care of her as best as he could. "You d-don't look w-well. I'll go for a d-doctor." Ryo said, starting to stand up again.

"No." Ryo's granma said, keeping her hand firmly on Ryo's. "I just need you near me so I know that you're safe. I love you so much, Ryo. You're my pride and my joy and no matter what happens, no matter what you do, I want you to know that I am proud of you."

Ryo just looked at his granma. It seemed like such an odd thing to say. "Granma..."

"I know."

"Know what?"

"About the stealing." Ryo felt himself go cold, but his granma went on as if it didn't matter. "I've known for a long time, but I'm proud you tried so hard to take care of us. I know you go hunting with Byakuen and you share his meat. I know that something awful happened to you at that church so long ago and I think I know what it was." Ryo's granma closed her eyes for a moment. "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you. I thought I was doing the right thing, I really did. Oh, Ryo," A tear ran down he cheek. "Can you ever forgive me?" She sobbed softly now, but still looked up at him. "I wanted to do so much more for you, but I wasn't strong enough. Please, forgive me, Ryo."

'She wants MY forgiveness?' Ryo thought, bewildered as he patted his granma's back. 'She never did anything wrong!' "It's okay, granma." Ryo told her. "You were a-always strong." She was the one who taught him how to be strong after all. Ryo felt like he wanted to cry, now. He was honestly getting scared because she was so upset. "Granma, w-w-what's w-w-wrong? I...I...brought you f-f-food." His stutter was coming back with vengeance because of the stress of seeing his granma like this. Maybe if she ate she'd feel better.

"No, dear one, I'm not hungry." Ryo's granma raised a hand to touch his cheek after wiping the tears from her eyes. "Such a good boy. You always take such good care of me, but I'm just not hungry, tonight. Get some sleep, Ryo. I'm just getting sentimental in my old age, that's all. Everything will look brighter in the morning, I'm sure."

Together, in the light of Ryo's fire and under several layers of blankets, Ryo and his granma eventually fell asleep.






Akane-




La ter that night, Akane woke up. She struggled to her feet, careful not to wake the strange boy who was sleeping next to her, and started walking. She wasn't sure where she was walking to, but she knew she had to be somewhere. If only it wasn't so cold...






To be continued...