Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Shadows of Cyan ❯ Shattered Reflections ( Chapter 2 )

A/N: Keep in mind this story is some thing being put together from about four different stories I already trashed. There may be a few flaws in the sequences and time line. This fic is being worked on and the ending has not yet been complete… I only have my blue prints ready. J

Shattered Reflections
Chapter Two of Shadows of Cyan
by: wingsofsakon

The next time Shin woke up and rolled over, it was to an empty bed. In shock he sat up and tried to make sure that what happened wasn't just a dream. This wasn't his room… in his room the bed was sideways by the window. So, he must have gone to Ryo during the night and it wasn't just… a dream. So, why was he alone? All was forgot though when he heard his stomach growl into a sharp pain. Shin looked around the bed and found his clothes on the floor. Where Ryo had discarded them.

So, he got dressed and went downstairs not bothering to check the time as he did. If he had… he would had seen that it was five thirty am. Hearing voices in the kitchen he was about to go right on in. Until he saw who they were and just what was going on. All of a sudden he felt his body start to shake to the point his knees felt weakened. It was Ryo… with his arms wrapped tightly around Touma. Receiving and returning a kiss from him.

He quietly went to his own room and shut the door. Leaning against it as tears started to fall. It was so confusing to him. What had been going here? Had he been cheating on him for a while now? Or was it just now? No, how could those chances be that… that… No. This feeling… this hurt and… anger. Yes, it was anger and hurt. It was all… so, familiar. If it was so familiar and his love for him was so strong. Was he just letting him think… he was cheating? Again another surge struck the core of his soul. Turning out another answer that tore his heart apart. It was yes… and no. Perhaps it was all just something he thought already but didn't actually know for sure. Yes, that had to be it and now what? Was every thing they just shared nothing?

Did Seiji and Shuu know about this? They should have said some thing! No, how could they… they were already unsure about telling the truth about a relationship. Why, though? Why! If he felt that he didn't want him… he should have said some thing instead of sleeping with him. Damn him! In the midst of his thoughts a soft knock hit the door. Opening it he stood frozen as Ryo looked at him with sorrow in his eyes.

"Shin… may I come in? We need to talk." Ryo said as he stood there.

"Apparently… " Shin said as he stepped aside.

"I'm sorry it had to happen now." Ryo said as he walked in.

"What part might that be?"

"Every thing, Shin."

"So, clear that up so I can understand."

"Shin, yes we were seeing each other, but… "

"But what?"

"It hadn't been going very well. In fact we… we were more than close to breaking it off."

"Then why did you allow me to think it was still strong? Why did you let me sleep with you? Why?"

"Because there's… there's a part of me that still loves you."

"How long have we been on the rocks?"

"Beyond two months… Shin… it wasn't that we were fighting."

"Then what was it?"

"We out grew each other. Shin we been seeing each other for at least three years. We aren't what each other want's any more. We agreed on that there was no more passion."

"We did?… "

"Yes."

"Do you think it was okay then. To sleep with me and then cheat on me?"

"No… no I don't. It was wrong. I shouldn't have ever given in to you in the first place. It was just that after what happened… I was over joyed you were by my side. I got lost in yesterdays… I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?… Then… " Shin said as he ran his hands through his hair. "Then I guess every thing is cleared up and settled."

"Shin?"

"I can't get upset over some thing I don't know thoroughly. I'm just glad that it didn't go any further than it did with us."

"Shin… "

"Other wise I would have gotten too attached."

"Shin, wait no… that's not"

"Not what? Why not take this opportunity to do these things? It will save us both, from heartaches."

"Shin, please don't think that's what I was doing."

"Oh, I don't, Ryo. It's my thoughts. So, take advantage of it. Or it will just be a waste."

"There's no changing your mind?" Ryo said as he walked over to him.

"Change my mind to what?"

"I never… " Ryo whispered out as he brushed back some auburn hair and traced his face. "Wanted, to hurt you."

"Don't worry about me… I'm stronger than you seem to think." Shin said as he pulled away and watched as he left to Touma's room.

As soon as he was out of sight he took off with out thought. Running seemed the only thing to do and felt as though he couldn't stop. Running until the house was out of sight. Swallowed up by the trees that passed by him in what seemed a blurred flash. Seeing nothing until he realized the sun was shining in an open area. Where a river blocked his path.

Dropping to his knees he hit the ground in a jolting motion and yet felt nothing. He was in shock and saw nothing but the grass next to the river. That flowed never the less. It was moving on and he couldn't stop it. It was then and there he felt the reality. There it was… all the facts and truths… like looking at an album. That revealed every thing about his Ryo. Each tear turned a page and each page slashed open another wound. He was right…. He was right about Ryo. Every thing he thought was true and there was no one. No one to turn to and hold him as his heart shredded and blew off in the wind.

With this and all the emotions that gushed forth. There's was nothing holding back now as every thing spun around him in an unbelievable past. One that ripped him in two with passion and hate. He hated who he turned out to be. He loved it as much if not more than he hated it. It was a path already chosen and one he would never faultier from. His body shook as his head started to split in pain. Only to be forgotten, as his heart said none of that mattered compared to this one thing. This one thing that held him together that now shattered in silence.

He wrapped his arms around his body and let his head hang in despair. Letting the wind of time and change pass through. Letting the time he once had flutter off and disappear into nothing. What was there to do after all? He could feel hot tears trail down his face in silence. He wouldn't make a sound if he could. To let the others know he was broken? Never… like this. After battling dark forces and torture… this was a disgrace. To fall from a broken heart wasn't what he had planned.

It was cold… oh so cold and he shivered with every slight breeze. The frost on the grass and trees made the sunshine glisten like tiny prisms. They were magnifying the sun and yet he felt nothing but the frost nipping at his soul. The love he gave to was so strong and now it was rejected. Leaving him in the shadows of misery. He couldn't believe it…

"I'm such a fool for believing it was real… " He whispered to himself.

He couldn't believe that it was over with just a few words. Ryo told him that he didn't love him any more and hasn't for a while. His heart broke. He told him that he did once, but the passion was gone. Images of making love made tears fall. He felt his soul rip and he felt he was starting to panic. Then there was the ending. The final words that had ended every thing. That they had ever had together. Ended what seemed to be bliss and unforgettable. Ended the smiles and that look only lovers share. He told him… it was in his eyes… goodbye.

He rocked himself as he tried to push away the pain that was drowning him. There was no one else… no one to love as much as he loved Ryo. The thought of moving on seemed to be more painful than actually hearing the break up. Every thing was turning to shades of gray and silver. The colors of life seemed to fade and wash away. He had to move on and let his former love… be happy. Even if that meant being happy with out him and some one else. Tears once again followed suite to the ground beneath him.

"I'm so hurt and… angry." Shin said as he stared at the ground. Doing his best to keep his feelings from flowing forth and spilling into the world for all to see. "I rather be empty and cold. Than to let them see me break like this… "

Back at the house. Ryo tried to let slender fingers caress away his worries and doubts. Ryo turned to his side and wrapped an arm around the Archer that now held his heart. He couldn't but enjoy the tender touches he was receiving. Even though he knew his former lover was going through hell. He winced at the thought. Shin… the one that he thought he could die for. He couldn't help but to love him… even yet. Although, he never thought that it would last. Shin was so much more emotional and tender than he ever thought he was. He could be so gentle that his touch could shun away any injustice. Shin just didn't have what it took to be his lover.

Ryo wanted some one to take over once in a while and lead the way. He wanted some one who would take him to edge and not see him as an authority. He wanted some one that would just be aggressive… in bed. He didn't to have to take charge all the time. He wanted some one to woo him and make him stand in awe. To be shocked and blown away at times. He always thought of love… as an adventure.

So, when Touma started to make moves on him. He couldn't help but to want. He knew it wouldn't be the same and that was what he wanted. He also knew that by accepting his invitation. That he was also beating the bee's nest. He knew very well that Seiji had had his eye on him for a very long time. Ryo curled up closer as if trying to keep him from ever leaving. After all… what could he do if he decided to actually go after the blue haired angel in his arms? Seiji was one he could never match his passionate pursuits. When Seiji decided to do or want some thing. He always went relentlessly after it. In this… he'd be beaten.

Ryo felt fingertips slide under his chin and start to tilt his head up. "Having regrets?" Touma asked gently.

"No… not at all. It's just I know how Shin is. I feel bad for what I'm putting him though." Ryo said as he sat up on the bed.

"Don't worry about it, Ryo. He'll get through it all right. He's stronger than you might think. Sure at first he may get thrown back, but after that. He finds the ground to stand on." Touma said from his spot on the bed. Putting his arms under his head. "Don't worry."

"You're right. What am I thinking?" Ryo said as he found his position once again by his side.

Seiji sat in the living room enjoying the quietness. He found his bed rather uncomfortable and decided to sleep on the couch that night. Sleeping rather well in fact. Up until he heard Shin's footsteps. It was always the 'trying to be quiet' thing that always set off his alarms. Once he saw the three of them were upstairs. Shin had went running out like a flash. One second he was there and then he was gone. Some thing had to be going on, but he wasn't sure if he really wanted to get involved.

He lay back on the couch and put his feet on the armrest. Trying not to think about the conversation he had earlier with Ryo. He didn't quite understand why he was so set on. Trying to push the fact about how close he and Shin were. Ryo should have known that he'd never close in on some one else's partner. Let alone Shin… Shin's face wasn't the one he woke up every morning hoping to see. Or… perhaps there was little spot that was interested in him, but it was never even considered.

On the other hand though. He was much more interested in Touma. He was just… Touma and most that you knew about him from a day or two and that was that. He was simpler and easy going. Even though he always had some thing on the brain he always found some way to just be him self and let others in. Of course there were some places you just weren't allowed, but then again every one has some thing they keep. Just for them selves and no one else except perhaps just a select few or special some one. In which the blond wanted for along time.

Seiji heard the screen door slam and sat up. Looking around for the remote he caught sight of Shin from the corner of his eye and saw he was making his way over. Seiji just sat back and started to flip through channels. Even though he wasn't really in the mood to watch TV he thought he'd just turn it on anyway. He watched as Shin found a seat in the lazy boy next to him. He was quiet and just sat there. That was enough to make him curious and frustrated.

"What's going on?" He asked getting tired of being left in the dark.

Shin looked at him having a strange look on his face. "Nothing." He answered not sure if he should tell him about Touma and Ryo. Or just let him find out from them their way. Touma and Ryo themselves didn't know he knew. So, why should he let Seiji know…?

"Don't give me that. Look at your eyes, they're slightly puffy. You obviously didn't wait long enough. What happened?"

"We broke up that's all. Isn't that reason enough?" Shin asked looking away after he said it.

"I don't get it. You two were inseparable and Ryo… he just, he… "

"Doesn't want me any more." Shin interrupted.

Seiji sat there a second trying his best to understand why. Why Ryo wouldn't want him... Perhaps they finally got tired of each other? No, Ryo had it bad for Shin. He couldn't keep his hands off him. He loved him, but then he did say he was considering it.

"Did he tell you why?" Seiji finally asked sincerely.

"He said he didn't love me any more and… " Shin stopped himself. He didn't think he needed to know the rest.

"And what?"

"Well… "

"He hasn't for a long time." Shin said as he took a drink of his soda he grabbed before sitting down. "There's no passion." He added.

"He's full of shit." Seiji said catching what he said and turned the channel again.

Shin looked at him in surprise. "Maybe… but then again. No ones ever stayed with me longer than three months."

"You remember all that?" Seiji asked as he started to remember what the doctor had told them.

"Yes… well… it's more like it's just coming out of my mouth from some thing I used to know."

Seiji felt his eyebrow muscles tighten as he flipped channels. "Did he push any of this?"

"No… this all… just sorta happened."

"He loves you... he just confused right now." Seiji tried to convince himself and Shin.

"It's okay, Seiji. It's over and it's time to move on. Please, don't get upset. This isn't your battle you know." Shin said softly.

"Now you're full of it."

"If so, what about it? He's made his decision." Shin said as he sat back. "Why are you so upset over it anyway?"

Seiji sat there in thought. Then put the remote down. "Because, you're just letting him lie to you and hurt you. You let every one walk all over you and you do nothing. I've seen you two together… there's plenty of passion. You're a fool to let it go with out a fight. I'm upset because I'm your friend… a stranger wouldn't give it a time of day. You think I like knowing that your heart is on the floor and you just watch it bleed?"

"I can't fight for some thing that some one doesn't really want. A lie or not, Seiji. I have to respect it. Because I love him and my hearts on the floor. Besides… I never said I was just going to watch it bleed."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just going to pick it up and move on. Ryo thinks I'm weak, but I'm not." Shin said as he got up and started to go upstairs. "For myself and to prove him wrong. I'll just find some one else. Then we'll see if he's really full of shit. If so, no harm done. If he isn't… then I'm better off." He said as he left.

A few weeks later every thing seemed close to normal. Every one though, tried to act as though nothing had ever happened. Pretending Shin was never close to being lost nor the fact that he had even forgot who they were. Even though they didn't know what hurt more. The fact that they could have lost him forever or that for a while… he didn't know them. They were just happy he was close to being back. Even though he had new quarks it was nice.

Shuu got home with his hands and arms full of groceries he pushed the screen door open. Finding the house quieter than ever. Most of the lights were off and no one to be seen. He made his way into the kitchen and put the bags on the table. Taking every thing out and sorting them: trying to make it easier to put away.

"Finally." Shin teased from the entrance making Shuu jump slightly.

"Hey it was busy in town. You have no idea how long them lines can get." Shuu said in defense.

"Just kidding. Did you eat?" Shin said as started to help put them away.

"A quick sandwich before I left. Why?" He asked as he handed him a couple of cans.

"Just wondering, Shuu. Nobody seems to want to come down tonight. So, if you want I can make a small meal?"

"You know once they smell your cooking they'll trickle on down here."

"I guess… if so they can warm it up later." Shin said as he finished folding bags and put them away to.

Shuu stopped in thought as he caught a smell. "You smell good… "

As Shin turned around, Shuu shocked himself at what he had said.

"I didn't mean it the way it sounded." He said slightly embarrassed.

"I very well know you're straight and thanks, its Aspen." Shin said with a smile and started to dig some pans out.

"You and Ryo have some special plans tonight?" He asked leaning against the wall.

"No… but I do."

"Huh?"

"I'm going out tonight."

"With out, Ryo? Is he going to be happy about that?"

"I don't know."

"Shin, I can already see you two arguing." He said concerned.

"We ahm… split up." Shin said not looking at him.

"Oh… so that's why the house seems empty."

"Every one's here."

"I know, but… never mind. Are you okay with this? Going out isn't just a cover is it?"

"No, I'm not all right, but sitting around isn't making it easier either and it's not a cover."

"I suppose you want to go out alone then?"

"I rather if it was just me." He said carefully.

"Okay… then this dinner better be good as you smell." Shuu teased as he left.

When Shin finished putting every thing out and setting the table. He started upstairs then stopped at the living room where Shuu was vegetating.

"Shuu… it's done. If you would, could you let every one know? I have to get ready."

Shuu stood up and stretched. "Sure thing." Then followed Shin upstairs until he went in his room and shut the door.

He went to Ryo's room and knocked on the door but got no answer. So, he turned the knob as he went in. Finding Ryo and Touma bound together with limbs sleeping soundly. He stood there a second taking in what he saw. Then turned on the light. Waking up Ryo in doing so.

"What?" Ryo asked squinting at him.

"Dinners ready." Shuu said holding onto the doorknob. "If you two want any." Then left.

He stood out side the door after closing it. He could feel his heart beat slightly off track. So, that's one of the reasons he decided to leave the house for a while. What could he do? They were his friends to as Shin. All he could do is… go to the next room. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see what was behind door number two, but knocked any way. Again getting no response. Walking into the dark room. He wasn't sure if he was even there until he heard Seiji breathing.

"Seiji… " Shuu said as he got closer. His eyes were starting to adjust to the darkness. "Hey, Seiji." He added.

He could see he was starting to wake up from slight movements. "Seiji… " He said as he tried to shake him. "Seiji."

"Hmm?" He asked in a sleepy moan.

"Shin has dinner ready."

Seiji turned over and looked at Shuu. "He cooked?" He asked more awake.

"Yeah, but he's getting ready to leave."

Seiji sat up quickly. "He's what?"

"He's going out… want dinner or should I save some?"

"Oh… I'll come down." Seiji said as he pulled away the covers and got up.

Shin dug through his closet trying to find some thing to wear. He didn't want to spend another minute there. He knew it wouldn't be pretty at the table. Although, he didn't actually think them two would really show up. Looking around he finally decided on his favorite out fit.

After getting dressed he took a look in the full-length mirror and looked over his image. His figure stood out nicely with the tight leather pants that held in the bottom of his white silk shirt. He rolled up his sleeves and adjusted his bracelets. Took a silver chained choker from the dresser and slid it around his neck. It accented perfectly with the delicate cross dangling from its center. He leaned forward to put on a shade of eyeliner.

After putting it aside he looked at himself and knew some thing was wrong. With in a few seconds he figured it out and started to unbutton his shirt to half way and went to the closet once again. There he dug out his leather gloves and slipped them on. Wiggling his gloveless fingertips and scanned over the mesh sides. Then picked up his boots and brought them over to the bed and sat down. There he could lace them up all the way to the top that was about two and half inches past his ankle.

With one more glance in the mirror. He gave a slight giggle and smirk at what he saw. "Eye liner… you're a weirdo."

Seiji peeked around the to the kitchen and there wasn't anyone there yet… not even Shuu. So, he went in and looked at the dinner on the table. He didn't know what to expect when every one got to the table, but for some reason he felt weary of it. Although, he sat down and waited for every one to show up. He was still quite tired and tried to wake up a bit by rubbing his eyes. Soon he could hear Touma's voice on the steps along with Ryo's.

"Hey, Seiji. Didn't know you were awake yet." Touma said as he walked in with his arms wrapped around Ryo's waist.

Seiji sat strait up and didn't know what he was feeling. "Shuu woke me up… " Seiji said in shock so far.

"Where is Shuu?" Ryo asked as he sat down next to Touma.

"Not sure." He said trying not to look at them. "Ryo… "

"What?… " Ryo said stealing a quick kiss.

"There's some thing I been meaning to talk to you about. About Shin, he has me a little worried. Ever since you two broke up… " Seiji said finally looking at him.

"Isn't he taking it well?" Ryo asked starting to get concerned.

"Actually… that's it. He's taking it rather… " Seiji stopped mid sentence when Shin came around the corner.

Ryo saw that Touma also had a strange look on his face.

"Any one seen my jacket?" Shin asked standing in the doorway.

Ryo winced at the voice and turned around. His eyes scanned what was Shin and he tried to keep his composure.

Shin stood there looking at them staring at him. "My jacket… any one seen it?"

"Which?" Shuu asked from behind. Then Shuu seen him from the front. "Let me guess… the leather one?"

Shin smiled and answered. "That's the one."

"Hold on… I know where it is. Remember I kinda borrowed it?"

"When… "

"Ah… a while ago." He said guilty.

"It's fine… but"

"Oh right, be right back." Shuu said as he ran up the stairs.