Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Shadows of Cyan ❯ What Matters ( Chapter 4 )

What Matters
Chapter Four of Shadows of Cyan
by: wingsofsakon

For the night it seemed to be endless, with the safe comfort that arms provided. The moonlight enhancing the shadow of love that was and wasn't there. Some one to hold and brush away the suns harsh rays of reality. He had sensed that Seiji had an edge: where his heart had been shattered. Broken into dust and he still held them as he covered the edge that was cracked. He hid it well, but it was in his eyes. In the way he talked. In fact it was strange as to much he had been confiding in him. As Ryo, his soul was crying out and there wasn't much he could do. He couldn't be whom they remembered. He couldn't be what they wanted. So, he let and invited the kiss that the blonde gave in response and let it escalate. To where they both would find nothing… but pure bliss.

Even with the moments of reality. He let the night slip further and caresses feather his body. Taking him to some place that he held dear and special. This was a place he had been with holding only for Ryo, but it wasn't meant to be it seemed. So, he nipped and kissed at tender silken flesh as the minutes passed and time slipped away.

Even though Touma was always in the back of his mind. Seiji couldn't help, but love and get lost in the night. With his attention only... on the one under him. Caressing and touching the gentle creature that had intoxicated his senses. Relishing the sweet gusts from his lips when they'd graze his skin. Sending shivers down his spine and enlightening his soul.

It wasn't just the sensual and exciting rapture of the aspects. It was every thing that was Shin. That had him swirling on into the depths of the night. He seemed like a hidden light of sanctuary. Reaching out to him and embracing him. Pushing away the darkness with every kiss he lavished to his skin. From the tender lips to the crease of his neck: trailing over his chest to the crease of his inner elbow. He tasted so sweet as he nipped at the tender flesh there.

Listening to the slight change in his breathing and sensing the small shutters coming from his… for tonight… little water warrior. Seiji opened his eyes to over look the toned curves of his forearm that was perfect up to the wrist where he was holding him to the sheets. Up and over the palm and decided to leave a kiss then up to the fingertips. He was truly heaven he confirmed as the night shined rays of the light blue moon through the window and over the silky image he held in regards of an angel.

Although, when he awoke the next day. He rolled over and felt an empty bed. Instinctively looking at the door that was shut to the world. He had been left behind and wasn't bothered to be told. It was nothing more than an empty night and shameful bliss. He bit his lip and made a fist of sheets as he sat there. Was it a lie… Was it all just… just a lie? Shin thought, as he stayed frozen in horror.

He felt his insides melt away to nothing as emptiness took its place instead. Nothing was going right. Nothing was working the way he had hoped it would. He had hoped that being out. Ryo would have realized what he had lost. Instead it turned to argument and disdain. He had plans to leave with out trace. In the midst of all that was going on… no one should have noticed until he was home. Instead… now Seiji knew and Seiji knew more about him now than he had ever dreamed the blond would. It was all just a mess and a twisting storm of chaos that wouldn't stop ripping at his soul. Now he had betrayed himself since he was Seiji, because he had felt he betrayed Ryo. Even though they were no longer a couple… he still felt a need for loyalty to him. He loved him so much and now… emptiness has started to drown every thing. Shin let himself seep off the side of the bed. Easing off holding tightly to the sheet.

He didn't know how long he sat on floor next to the bed after sliding off of it. He was shocked back from a daze when a knock hit the door. Shin quickly raced around the room to find clean clothes. He didn't know who it was or what they wanted, but he stumbled anyway to get the door. Opening it he felt his blood run cold in shock.

"Nice to see you finally woke up." Ryo said standing in the doorway.

"What brings you to my door?" Shin said still trying to push away any emotions he had for him.

"Nothing… I think, but I did want to talk to you."

"About last night, right?" Shin said as he leaned against the door.

"I may have deserved what I got, Shin. Although, you were gone long enough to make us worry about you."

"You're right I was… I'm sorry for that, but what I said was true."

"How… how did you know about us before…?" Ryo asked knowing he reached unstable grounds.

"I'm not blind. I could see the way he'd look at you and at me. It was just a matter of time he got you. I also know how you act when you you're walking on air. So, that was a give-away. Then there was the few times I could hear you in his room."

"Shin… I never, never wanted to hurt you. Please, believe me when I say that. Even though I'm seeing him now. You still mean the world to me, but I do care for him. It means a lot to me that you're still my closest friend." Ryo said starting to feel shaky.

Shin could see the sincerity in his eyes and knew that he must have worked hard to say what he just said.

"You know me, Shin. Please… please know and understand."

"I do, Ryo, but it doesn't erase the fact of how I feel. If you can believe this? I do love you and forgive you. Although, right now my feelings won't allow me to forget. If you can believe that then I can believe that we can be just… friends. To me that's not much, but if that's what you want then that's what I have to live with."

"Alright… " Ryo said as he scanned the room and pushed back his raven hair. "So, you and Seiji are a couple?"

"A couple? No, we just have an understanding and I'd say. That you might have some competition sooner or later."

"Why? Did he say some thing?"

"No, but if I were him. I would get tired of waiting around. I know my heart couldn't take it."

Ryo felt a streak of guiltiness strike through him. He knew it was mostly directed at him and he meant. That Shin wasn't going to sit and wait for him and just take him back or let him go when ever he wanted Shin by his side or not.

Seiji stood on the other side of his door. Listening to what was going on down the hall. He could feel anger and resentment starting to fill him. Like his green monster was instigating a fight over things that weren't his to fight for. Shin wasn't his nor was Touma. They were both centered on Ryo and it was slowly eating at him.

"I know that he's always had his sights set on him, but he never made a move." Ryo said as he thought it.

"That doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for him. Have you asked how Touma felt about him?"

"I know and I haven't asked. I know that if he does go after him I'm going to lose though."

"Then why did you even open that door?"

"Because I go with the moment no matter what. I'm not alive until I live what my heart wants… you know that."

Shin cleared his throat and gave him that I want you to go look. "Yes, that's true, but you forget about the rest of us while you do it. I don't blame you though if that helps at all. I'm still kind of tired… "

"So are we on equal terms yet?" Ryo asked before leaving.

"Almost… " Shin said as he shut the door.

Just as he was about to start tearing the bed apart to make it. He heard the door squeak open. Turning around Seiji was shutting it.

"Seems I'm getting quite a few visitors today."

"I saw him leave… are you two alright now?"

"I don't know."

"I'm sorry I left right away. It was just when I woke up… I felt guilty for some reason."

"I had it to, so don't worry about it." Shin said as he started pulling sheets off.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm just tired of always having to sort through the wrongs and rights. Fighting for lost loves and my tattered soul. It's so hopeless. I was going to leave you know. Although, now that I told some one. I don't know if I want to any more, but I do know I need to get away for a while yet."

"Then go… I'm sure things would be better when you get back."

"So eager to get rid of me now? Last night you didn't want me to leave."

"It's not that, Shin. It's just I know that Ryo is confused right now. I know that he'd go back to you."

"But for how long? He left me once and cheated to boot. Who's to say he wouldn't again?"

"I know you've been hurt, but you can't just give up."

"Why not? Isn't it time to just move on? Just how long am I suppose to wait for him?" Shin said as he sat on the stripped bed. "Just because he and I were once a couple doesn't mean we are soul mates."

Seiji stood there a second looking at him. "He really did break you… didn't he."

"No, Seiji. I'm just tired… " Shin said as he got back up. "I'm just tired that's all… of every thing."

"Things will get better, Shin. Don't give up yet."

"You're right, Seiji. I can't give up on every thing… "

"That's good to hear."

"Just on him."

"Shin, I know he's been an asshole lately, but look at every thing that's happened. This is Ryo here… "

"How can you keep standing up for him, Seiji? He's with Touma and he knows that you have feelings for him."

"… sure had to bring that up."

"No, really, Seiji. Think about it… just why are you still supporting him? Do you want me to get hurt again?"

"No, I don't, Shin. In fact… if you want the truth. I was worried about how things would end up from the first time I knew he was after you. You seemed to really love him so I never said anything. I know you still love him. That's why I'm still supporting you getting back with him. As for him going after Touma. It's really Touma's choice… "

"Perhaps he needs to know that you'd accept him. Ryo took the bait, Seiji. That's why they are together." Shin realized he was starting to raise his voice and met his gaze. "I'm sorry, it's just I really don't know what any more." He said in a gentler tone.

"Shin… " Seiji said as he took one of Shin's hands. "I know a little about what you're going through and I thank you for your efforts with Touma. It's just… " Seiji felt the words skimmer away. So, he held him close to try and coax them back out. "What if I don't want him any more?" He finally said.

Shin felt himself lose his breath and slowly pushed away enough to look at him. "Why? What do you mean?"

"I think you know what I mean… " Seiji said starting to feel a little shaky but hid it well.

"Seiji… what about? Don't you still love him?"

"Of course I do, but… not as much as you."

"Wait… Seiji, think about this. You have to. Don't do this just because we're in the same boat. Don't if Touma is more important to you. Please, Seiji think about this harder... am I the one you really want?" Shin said as he gripped at the blonde's shirt.

"You can wipe those thoughts from your mind." Seiji said as he held onto the side of Shin's face. "I have said this… because I have thought it through and yes… I want you." And gave him a light yet passionate kiss.

When it broke off. The blond traced the others face. "All I need to know… is if you feel the same?"

"Seiji… I really wish I could tell you." Shin said and then bit his lip.

"Then there's no way you'll be mine?"

"I didn't say that either… "

"Then tell me what you are saying?"

"It's just… " Shin said as he turned away to try to find the right words.

"Just what?"

"Yes… I have most of my memories back. Yes… I do care for you, but I still care for Ryo to. Although… there're a few things I can't remember yet. I don't know what we were like before anything."

"Shin… "

"Can you understand that… where I'm coming from?"

"We were close… " Seiji said in frustration.

"What?"

"We were close you and I. Although, we never got quite this close. We always… kept our distance. Shin… does it really matter?"

"What do you mean?"

"Before… does it matter? Can't we embrace what we have and want today? So what we never saw each other like this before. What matters is… we do now."

"I… can't argue with that."

"Then… " Seiji started to say as he slid his arms around Shin's waist. "Will you let me take you to dinner?"

Down stairs in the kitchen. Shuu ran into the sight of Ryo and Touma. Holding each other tightly embraced in a kiss.

"I see you two don't care who catches you any more." Shuu said with a smile and heavy heart.

"Oh, sorry Shuu." Ryo said as he let the archer go and sat down.

"Why should we? They both know the truth." Touma said as he sat down beside him.

"No reason I guess. It's just that you have been pretty quiet about it that's all." Shuu said as he dug out leftovers.

"They do have to get used to it, Shuu." Ryo said in defense.

Shutting the fridge door and turning around. "I guess so."

"Is there some thing wrong?" Touma asked seeing Shuu wasn't saying much.

"I don't think so… why?"

"You're acting strange." Ryo stated resting his chin on the heel of his hand.

"Am I?" Shuu said as he set every thing on the counter.

"Yes… " Touma said as he heard rapid foot steps and then nothing making him look to the hallway. Only to see Seiji land at the bottom.

"Hey Seiji… you seem rather happy. What's up?" Shuu said as he watched him walk in.

"Do I?… Then I guess I'm happy." Seiji said with a smile.

"About what?" Ryo asked.

"I'm going out for dinner." Seiji said as he took a bite from a left over.

"Oh? You only go out for a few reasons… why this time?"

"I have a date." Seiji said realizing that he was now on thin ice.

"I hope you have a good time." Touma said as he grabbed Ryo's hand.

"With who? Who could make you this happy? I have only seen you this happy a few times before." Shuu asked.

Seiji suddenly felt on trial and only one word came to mind. Crap…

"Yeah, Seiji. Who has you walking on air?" Touma asked as the phone rang.

"I'll get it." Shuu said as he went over to the hallway where it was.

"So… who is it?" Ryo asked.

"… Shin." He said waiting for their response.

"… What?" Ryo managed to breathe out.

"Shin." Seiji repeated.

"He said you two weren't seeing each other." Ryo stated as he stared at him.

"Well, it just changed about fifteen minutes ago… give or take."

"You're not serious are you?" Touma asked.

"I'm very serious."

"You're just doing this to me aren't you." Ryo said as he stood up.

"I'm not doing any thing. It was the last thing from my mind, Ryo."

"Then why him?" Ryo said as he started to raise his voice.

"Simply… because I love him."

"No, what you mean is. You feel guilty!"

"What?" A small voice said from the hallway.

"Shin… " Touma said as he realized he was standing there: getting Ryo's attentions also.

"What do you mean by that: feeling guilty."

"Don't get into his, Shin." Shuu said stepping in front of him.

"No… " Shin said as he gently pushed him out of his way to face them. "Tell me, Ryo." He asked getting no response. "Tell me."

"He left you… "

"Left me?… I don't understand."

"He left you to drown, Shin!"

"There was nothing I could do, Ryo!"

"No, you left him down there and look what happen because of it!"

"Please, stop you two." Shuu said from the door.

"Now you're pissed because I'm with Touma! This is why you want Shin!"

"No, Ryo! I want him because I love him!"

"You weren't even going to go look for him. Damn it you even gave up hope on him! You just left him! What makes you think you love him? WHAT!"

"You've been blaming me for every thing lately, Ryo! It wasn't my fault what happened! It wasn't my fault you broke up with him! It wasn't my fault! I love him and I want to be with him!"

"How could you possibly know what love is? Your' heart is as cold as ice and as far as I'm concerned… it is your fault he's not normal." Ryo said coldly as he stared at glaring violet eyes.

The silence hit the room as the two glared in a stand off. It was a complete surprise when a knife went flying towards Ryo. He quickly blocked it with his arm and stood in a daze for a second. Then it started, chaos hit the room in a spinning commotion as Ryo got pushed back into the table and it crumbled to the floor with him on top. Seiji wailing his best shots with knees on both sides of Ryo. Pinning him to the shattered table. Ryo tried kicking him off and blocked as he could. Dodging hits and trying to find an open widow. Only to see that there was nothing, but rage in the swordsman's eyes.

Then strong hands wrapped around his throat and Seiji started to squeeze. "You tried killing me once! Now it's your turn!" Seiji scolded as he continued to choke him with passionate vengeance.

"Seiji, No!" Touma yelled as he rushed to help.

The blond ignored thrashing hands that tried to free their owner. He ignored every thing that was going on around him. Although, he could feel that strong arms were trying to pull him off from behind: having to be Shuu.

"Please, Seiji… " Touma pleaded. "Stop this… "

"I wasn't to blame!!" Seiji said as he gave Ryo a good shake as well.

It was all stopped however. When every one's attention was focused on the telephone. That went flying across the room.

"If all of you don't stop. I'll make you!!" Shin said standing in the doorway yet. "Get away from each other… NOW."

Seiji slowly let go and got up. Ryo stood up rubbing his neck.

"You call each other friends? All of you have serious issues!! What's done is done. I don't care who is to fucking blame! I don't care! But hell… Seiji couldn't help it either! You're mad at him because he thought of you first?! What's wrong with you? From what I gather. I'm thinking that perhaps it was better if I did die! That way I couldn't be used for an excuse to fight! So, I'm not who I used to be. So what! I'm still who I was deep down. That part could never die! Deal with your issues… if you haven't by the time I come back. I'm leaving!" Shin said as he walked out the door.

Shuu watched him walk out and kicked the side of the doorway. Frustration then hit and his fist sailed into the wall.

"What's your problem?" Touma asked forgetting to check his tone.

"My problem? My problem! Just look at you three. You're all fucked up! All of you know deep down where you belong. You know who is and who isn't to blame! You know and you keep trying to avoid it. What's my problem? My problem is… you know!"

"Just what are we avoiding since you know every thing, Shuu?" Ryo said.

"With you Ryo… you know there was nothing that could've been done. You know Seiji isn't out to get you. Yet you keep insisting that he is because you don't want to believe it's true. Plus, you now know what you have lost. So, you're pissed because Seiji does. Seiji's been carrying around your blame and it's killing him that you took Touma. Touma there just took you because Seiji there is too chicken to go after him himself. So, he went after the next best thing, Shin. Shin's all fucked up because he can't be who he was. He can't be the lover Ryo wants. He can't be the lover Seiji wants but he was going to try. And I'm so frustrated that I could just… just, just puke! My best friends are so screwed up and there's nothing I can do about it! Shin's about to leave us and there's nothing I can do!"

"Well, what do you want us to do?" Touma said concerned.

"Fix it. All you have to do is admit to all of this and just do it."

"Do what?"

"Well, you can start by finding another table or we'll all be out of here. Then fess up and start loving whom you really love. That's all and that's it. Just do it… or we'll no longer be five." Shuu said as he left the house.

"He's right… " Touma said as he looked at the other two.

"That might be, but still." Ryo said as he looked at the deserted doorway.

"What?… " Seiji asked.

"If we did do as we should. He'd never let me go back to him. I've messed up and look at us." Ryo said as he turned to them. "Seiji… I know you're not to blame, but… it hurts. To know you have and take what matters to me." Then it hit him and he quickly looked at Touma. "I don't know why I truly turned to you, Touma. I shouldn't have and I see it now. It's Seiji that's loved you. Even longer than I have."

"What are you doing, Ryo?" Touma asked concerned.

"Giving you to the one you love."

"What?" Seiji said in shock.

"You heard me, Seiji."

"What about Shin?" Seiji sputtered out.

"Shin's been trying to get you two together for two months. Maybe he slept with you, but that doesn't mean. That he doesn't still want you to be truly happy."

"What about you?.. " Touma asked gently.

"No matter what… I'll never give up hope. I let him go once… I may not be his lover any more. But that doesn't mean I can't keep loving him."

"Ryo… you know he won't allow that. He would want you to move on." Seiji brought up.

"He may have said good bye to me. Although, I don't give up that easy."

"Ryo, he's told me that he doesn't want you that way."

"I don't care, Seiji. I still love him… "

"You have to say goodbye, Ryo. He's made up his mind already."

"Like I said Seiji… I love him. Weather he wants me or not. I won't let him slip away like last time."

"Slip away… "

"I didn't hold on to him hard enough and I let him go."

"What about Shuu? Now he's pissed. He's worse than Shin when he gets angry with us." Touma mentioned.

"Well, I'd say as soon as we find another table… he'll be fine." Ryo smiled.

A/N: Hmmm… gee what's going to happen next? 0,0
That's it for this chapter, but trust me. The ending is coming up soon.
Unfortunately it will tie in with an earlier story that I have written.
Can any one guess which one?? 0,o
If not, don't worry. I'll include it in the end of this fic. J