Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Thoughts of a Vampire ❯ Kyre's Thoughts ( One-Shot )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Sometimes I sit here wondering what I should do, knowing that I can do nothing. The hurt inside won't go away, and doesn't appear to be leaving any time soon. I've often wondered "Why me?" but that's such an overused self-pitying phrase, that I cannot imagine it not being me. I ache inside, down below the surface mask; wishing for someone to delve into the darkness to find me has become nothing short of a fantasy. I often contemplate Hamlet's speech - "To be, or not to be/ That is the question" But if that's the question, when will anyone find the answer? "For whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of an outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing, end them." Forgive me if I ramble. Time merges in the past, leaving me distinctly missing important factors in my memory. What is happiness and have I felt it. True happiness seems so far away; maybe it's extinct. But I digress, I was telling you of my feelings - or lack thereof.

Such a solemn occasion: life. So short for most and yet, never-ending. What in itself frightens fellow mortals of death? Hamlet felt it to be the uncertainty of what was to come - forgive me if you do not enjoy Shakespeare as I - and "...thus conscience does make cowards of us all..." Do we, a habitual people, fear the unknown; of the different? Aye, and it does interest most "free spirits," who wander around pretending to be "outgoing" and adventure loving. And so I get to the point - that of answering your question - what was it that made me do what I did. Why did I, considered to be the most sane and reasonable man, choose darkness and caves over light and material wealth? What was it that called to me so grandly? Why, the very essence of power beckoned me closer.

Power, in itself, is but a brief manifestation of something different - unknown - and that makes it feared. Fear is in actuality naught more than an illusion and a form of power. And though I claim a want of power, there was never a need, and truly, my avarice never overtook me. I have always felt a wanton greed unchecked was a weakness, and I never was one to let a weakness enter my life - nay, not such as I. Interesting enough, my craving power was fulfilled satisfactorily, leaving me wanting in other areas - namely hunger. I was yearning for something so vile, and yet so very necessary to my well being, that I - still thinking like the foolish mortal I had been - refused to drink of someone's blood. Yes, it is true: I was a vampire who would not feast - a starving creature of the night, whom no one truly pitied. And no, I don't wish for you to pity me, not in that sense, for I have not come to the end of my tale.

Nay, not near the end - even though I am so close - merely at the beginning of my hellish existence. Saddening though it is to admit, I did not even realize how low I had fallen. My very immortal soul, which was that which kept me alive - as a human - was dying. And so it is with most creatures of the night, I was soon to become a fellow monster of evil and damned soul in the Records. And yet, such an existence would have been preferable, had I not grown to learn the knowledge of it. The old saying, "Ignorance is bliss" was never so aptly placed, but on a wicked life. How can one enjoy wickedness - their very existence - when they knew what their punishment was to be. In truth, no one would become what I did, if they weren't assured of immortality. And though "immortal" my life is yet frail - yea, and my time is close. I think of this as merely the epilogue of what my life once was, and hope that this repented...man... (for in truth, I once was) may not be considered a tragic character.

I have, indeed, learned of the fallacy of "immortality" - I have Ami to thank for that - though, I often want to curse her. She was what brought me back to my humanity - Love, how ironic. I, of whom women fawned and draped themselves over, had fallen for the slip of a girl - I fell in love with Love, in a sense no one could imagine: The Warlord of Love, her title was. The name did not fit her, she was not really what one would picture as the incarnate of Love - maybe that in itself led to my fall. Do not get me wrong, she was beautiful - is beautiful and so loyal to her friends, and that husband of hers.

Forgive me if I yell *coughs* as I do not mean to. *looks at hand* It's fascinating to look at - my blood. How ironic that I would lose blood as I lie here dying. *cough* People always thought we vampires were bloodless and soulless creatures; oh, how I laughed. *laugh, cough; cough* Where did they think we put the blood we sucked from defenseless, innocent people? Ah - Innocence - such a passionate creature, not at all how I expected her - though why I would expect any thing after such a let down on my beliefs on Love, is beyond me. *cough* Do not pity me yet - pity me when I die.

I gave up all for this so named "immortality" and in doing so have lost even that. Do you think I am truly soulless? Hope so for me - Eternal Damnation was never the way I wanted to live forever. *cough, heave, cough; cough* I do not even have the strength to look at my hand to see the blood, if I could I doubt it would interest me, for truly I have lost interest in life. I - *cough* but wait for death to come and let my slowly withering body dry to dust - to be blown away by the wind and never found together again. *cough, cough, cough, heave, cough, cough, laugh, cough, cough; heave* How pathetic I have become; the once proud peacock has fallen to its homely origin once more - the earth. *cough, wheeze, heave, cough, heavy breath, weak cough; soft voice* I never truly meant to be evil - just to be alive - *weak cough; small smile* And now I beg for death...and so I die.... *soft wheezy breathing, weak cough; silence*