Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ To Remember ❯ Rajura's Restless Night ( Chapter 2 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Cousin D 
Rajura remembers his past shortly after the end of the war.
Anime/Manga: Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Supernatural / Romance / Fantasy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 05.21.2005 | Pages: 5 | Words: 8.2K | Visits: 390 | Status: Completed
Rajura remembers his past shortly after the end of the war.
Anime/Manga: Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Supernatural / Romance / Fantasy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 05.21.2005 | Pages: 5 | Words: 8.2K | Visits: 390 | Status: Completed
Chapter 2: Rajura’s Restless Night
Youja Kai-
Rajura-
Dream-
The smoke from the fire was heavy, tainting everything with the smell. His mother was standing near the fire, tired and haggard at the ripe old age of thirty. Her hair hanging around her weary face in greasy strands. Today, though, she looked proud and it was because of Ari that she was proud. As she stood by her husband’s side, the village chief, her chin was high and she beamed as Ari was led to the fire at the center of the hall by Mordane, the seer.
Mordane was old, ancient. Her back was stooped so badly that she was nearly bent over double and she could only walk with the aid of a tall walking stick. Walking in slow, painful steps, Mordane led Ari through the assembled village, all of them silent as a winter‘s night and all of them watching Ari. He didn’t mind. Mordane had told him that this would happen ever since she’d taken him into her care and begun his training as her heir. He’d lived with her for several years before Mordane had announced, quite suddenly two days ago that she would complete the ceremony.
“It’s time.” She’d told him as they’d sat together in her home.
“How do you know?”
She’d smiled kindly and put her arm around him. “I have seen it. Just remember, life will take you far and your journey will be filled with storms, but I will always be proud of you.”
When they finally reached the fire, Ari could see his bearded father, sitting on a stool just behind the fire, and all of his older brothers standing behind their father. Ari didn’t feel very close to his brothers, he really didn’t know them. They’d all been grown-ups when he’d been born, much too old to play with. His father was impossible to care for, Ari believed. The man was stiff and unyielding, far too in love with power and position to see his family.
The hall was absolutely silent, so quiet that Ari could hear his own heart thudding in his ears. Fear? No. He wasn’t afraid. He couldn’t be. Mordane had told him that this would all turn out just the way it should. He would be honored in the village, honored and respected. Though he was young and small, weak from a childhood fraught with illness, he would hold a place of great power just as Mordane did.
“Kneel here.” Mordane gave Ari a soft push on the shoulders, urging him down onto his knees and he did as she wanted. Ari truly loved Mordane. She was kind, gentle, and told the best stories. If she was aware of how many people were watching them, Mordane didn’t show it. “Child, tonight you give yourself to the pattern. The preordained pattern that governs us all. You will see what other mortals are not allowed to see - the pattern of what will come. You will give your mind to the visions and live with the knowledge of what is to happen. You must accept that there is nothing you can do that will change what you see, for you, too, are part of the pattern. Do you understand your destiny?”
“I understand.” They’d rehearsed this many times so Ari wouldn’t make any mistakes.
“Do you accept the sacrifice required of you? To gain some sight of the future, you must lose some part of your physical vision.”
Ari looked up into her single bright eye and then looked at the place where her other eye should have been. Instead of an eye, there was nothing but a mass of ugly scars clumsily stitched together over the empty eye socket. Mordane had been very clear about what sacrifice would be demanded of him. She’d also told him that he had no real choice. This, like everything else, was already written in the pattern. He would do this because she’d already seen it and, therefore, it must be true. “I accept.”
A murmur ran through the crowd of villagers, but it quieted very suddenly when Mordane pulled a packet of herbs from inside her cape. Someone handed her a clay cup filled with water and Mordane dropped the herbs in before lifting the cup to Ari’s mouth and having him drink. It was an awful taste, but Mordane had told him it would be foul. He had no time before the terrible feeling of weightlessness overtook him and he felt like he was flying. He’d known that it would happen and thought, distantly, that it was good Mordane had given him the draught or he might be afraid of the knife she was holding.
“For many years now, I have seen a white haired boy with eyes the color of ice. He will be the greatest seer this world has ever known and he will be a powerful warrior, a teacher of great men. This child will change the world. Now I have found the child my visions have shown me.” Mordane looked around at the villagers, holding the shining knife over her head as far as she could. She wanted everyone to see it. “Odin gave up his eye as payment for his gift to see the future. All seers since have paid the same price.” Mordane turned swiftly and seized Ari’s chin, wrenching his face upward before the knife was brought down and Ari felt himself gasp with surprise.
There was no pain, but he’d felt the knife’s blade cut into him and he felt the warmth of his own blood run down the side of his face and drip onto his hand. When Mordane stepped back the knife was shining with blood in the firelight. She motioned to the side someone pressed a cloth against Ari’s face.
‘Blind.’ He thought dully. ‘I can’t see. My eye’s gone.’ He shouldn’t have felt so surprised. This was what Mordane had always told him would happen. From his earliest memories, Ari had always been told that he would be Mordane’s successor. This was just the final moment coming to pass.
“Ari?” A soft voice whispered in his ear. “Can you hear me?”
He turned his head slowly and came to find that it was, of course, Mordane, who held the cloth over where his eye had been. Of course it was Mordane, the villagers, even his own family, wouldn’t touch him after this day. It was taboo to lay hands on a seer in any way for fear that the gods would think it disrespectful and bring misfortune upon the offending village. That was why Mordane had no children or husband and why Ari would never have a family of his own. She swayed, or maybe it was Ari who swayed, and Ari reached out to touch her arm just to make sure she was real. She felt real, but at the moment he wasn’t quite sure.
“I can hear you.” His voice echoed inside his head and Ari almost laughed, it sounded so funny. “What’s going on?” His tongue felt heavy and thick.
“The potion has to run its course. It clouds your mind to free you from the pain of your sacrifice. Tell me what you see.” Mordane put a hand on Ari’s head and he blinked, looking up at her. Mordane, old and frail though she was, slowly sat down in front of him and smiled, showing off her gap toothed grin. When Ari said nothing after a moment, she kissed his forehead and said, reassuringly, “Perhaps the visions don’t chose to appear to you, yet. They will in time,” She half turned to the people surrounding them. “It maybe be days before any are revealed to him.”
Demons!
They swirled around Ari like flies around carrion. Massive, nightmarish thing grinning and screaming at him from deep in a thick mist. Their putrid breath was almost a physical touch against his face, making his skin burn and itch. There was one demon that was clearer than all the others. Dark red with white hair floating around it as if it were underwater. That one wasn’t hidden by mist and its face was immobile, but the glowing eyes made Ari’s soul quake. It laughed, deep and dark. It was looking for Ari. He could feel that it had been looking for him and for others. It was close to finding him.
A hand from the mist reached out and wrapped around Ari, squeezing so tightly that he felt he couldn’t breathe. There were others clutched in the demon’s fist. A blue haired man as cold as death. A small man with green hair and empty eyes. The last was a auburn haired boy. They all struggled and fought within the grasp of the demon, but in vain. All around him, Ari saw that there were others fighting, not trapped by the demon’s hand. Suits of magnificent metal armor in bright colors holding weapons Ari had never seen before attacked the hand of the demon.
“It’s the loss of blood.” Mordane was saying when Ari came back to himself. He was laying on the floor, staring at the roof and the fire‘s smoke as it escaped from the hole in the roof. “He’ll need rest for a few days and hot meat. Bring him a cup of mead.” Mordane leaned over Ari and gave him another grin. She seemed very happy with him. “There he is. You’ll be fine. Don’t worry. The visions will start, soon enough.”
Time passed and Ari sat in the same hall where he‘d given up his eye, facing his father. Ari’s father hadn’t changed much in during the year that had passed. He was still ambitious and thirsty for power. The more Ari saw of what his father would one day do and the people he would hurt, the more Ari disliked him. The visions hit Ari often, but he didn’t always tell about what he saw. He didn’t always tell his father or even Mordane what he saw. Why should he tell them of what would happen when he didn’t understand it, himself?
“What have you seen?” Ari’s father didn’t even bother to look at Mordane when he spoke. Since Ari’s sacrifice, Mordane hadn’t spoken of a single vision, saying that it was Ari’s place and not hers to advise the village’s chief. She still kept close to Ari, however, and accompanied him almost everywhere.
“I have seen the rains coming. Children in a war far away will starve.” Ari didn’t tell his father about the demon lurking around the edge. Every day since Mordane had cut out Ari’s eye Ari had seen the demon in visions, coming closer and closer. It was nothing Ari’s father needed to know about. “Your woman sleeps with your rival tonight, father.”
SLAP!
The strike made Ari’s head jerk to the side, painfully wrenching his neck. He caught himself before he hit the ground and looked up in time to see Mordane standing between Ari and his father with her staff held in front of her as if she would fight.
“A most…unwise action.” Mordane hissed, aggressively. “Do you think because he happens to have your blood in his veins that you have the privilege of putting your hands on him?”
“I’m alright.” Ari straightened himself, proudly, and touched Mordane’s hand. She took it as a signal and moved back to where she’d been waiting before Ari’s father had hit him. “You worry too much for me.” Ari was small and had always been sickly, but he would not be weak. Not in front of the man who would show such disrespect for not only Ari and Mordane, but to the gods themselves. “You asked and I tell you only the truth, father. Your woman will sleep tonight with Olson and whisper your secrets in his ear. Tomorrow, you will kill him and you will cut off her ears before you banish her from the village. I expect mother will be pleased, anyway.”
“Dear Ari,” Mordane slipped another fur over his shoulders and smiled gently down at him. “You always speak so wisely.” At that she smirked at her chief over Ari’s head. “Your visions are always so clear, always true. How many battles have you won because of your visions? How much does this village owe you?” She patted Ari’s white hair affectionately. “Your gift is powerful as I knew it would be. Far more powerful than my gift. Any chieftain would be honored to have you at his side. Any.” She sent a significant look at Ari’s father who looked properly rebuked. The meaning was clear. If he wasn’t treated well here, she would take Ari away to serve another village and, as seers, there was nothing Ari’s father could do to stop him short of killing them. If he tried to kill or even harm them, his own villagers would rise against him for everyone knew what black luck it was to bring harm to seer.
Ari’s father snorted deeply, but sat back down and didn’t raise his hand again. “Go on, boy. What else have you see?”
Ari…no. Rajura smiled over the fire at his father. Yes. ‘I’m dreaming. This was all long ago. It’s not even really a dream, but more of a memory.’ This was how it should be. This was how his life was meant to be, from Mordane’s protection to the stinging pain on his cheek. ’Mordane. I’ve missed you.’ But the realization that this wasn’t real didn’t stop Rajura from continuing on with the dream of his childhood in far away Scandinavia. The dream continued and he spoke the same words he’d spoken so many years ago. “I have seen a thousand head of reindeer thundering across the land. I have seen darkness coming closer and sun rising over a city of metal greater than any you can imagine.” He didn’t know what to make of the things he sometimes saw, but father always listened carefully and seemed to take it very seriously. “I have seen myself…”
He stood at the threshold of a throne room and saw through the glamour. The fae were nothing but people, like any other people, and their queen was a rather repulsive creature. ‘This didn’t happen. It’s changed.’ This wasn’t a memory of what had been.
“Give them back!” Rajura found himself shouting. There, at the far end of the room, was a very familiar figure. A woman that made Rajura’s skin crawl.
Sedari reached out her skinny arms to him. “I’ll have you back one way or another, Ari. We‘re meant to be together.”
“No, Sedari. Never. Give me back my brother.” He knew Anubisu was near, afraid and in pain. But he also knew it wasn’t Anubisu alone who suffered from Sedari’s sadistic treatment.
“He’s the bait. You wouldn’t have come without him being my guest.”
“Guest?!” Rajura thundered, furiously. “You’ve tortured him! I felt it! Every moment of it! I saw his pain and felt what you did to his body. Give me my brother!”
“Ari…”
“Ari is gone. I am Rajura!”
End of dream-
He woke sweating and breathless, his heart beating against his chest so hard it felt as if it might break through, and sat upright so quickly that his long white hair jerked forward and he had to brush it off his sweat covered face with his fingers.
The dream memory was nothing. Rajura had often dreamed of his childhood and Mordane, but the second part of the dream felt more like a vision and that frightened Rajura. He wasn’t fool enough to think that Sedari had died during his time in the Youja Kai. Fae could live for eons and with all the power at Sedari’s disposal, there was no telling how long her life would stretch.
There was a push at the curtain that surrounded Rajura’s mind and Rajura quickly strengthened his barriers. Another probing touch, but Rajura didn’t let them in. Naaza and Anubisu had obviously been woken by Rajura’s troubled sleep. They were curious and worried, but Rajura didn’t want to deal with explanations when he didn’t have any. There was a meaning to what he‘d seen, Rajura just had to discover it. Most worrisome of all was that Anubisu had been involved. Rajura didn’t like it when his little brothers were in danger and anything involving Sedari was dangerous.
Again, Naaza pushed at Rajura’s mind, asking to be let in. No doubt he wanted to help comfort Rajura. ‘Does he think I’m dreaming of Sh’ten, again? Probably.’ Rajura closed his mind to them entirely and the feeling of Naaza and Anubisu faded away. He needed a few minutes to sort this out and thinking about Sh’ten tragic death wasn’t going to help him concentrate. He’d only get a few minutes. Soon, they’d get impatient and come to see what was wrong with him.
Naaza-
There was something wrong. What it was, exactly, Naaza didn’t know, but it was enough to wake him up out of an unpleasant dream. It wasn’t a nightmare, but a dream filled with water and loud noise. The sound of people screaming and pain. He heard his father’s voice yelling and his mother was crying.
Frankly, he was quite pleased to be woken.
“Can you hear it?”
Yes. That was what was wrong. Something was bothering Rajura. Naaza closed his eyes again and let his mind still. He could feel Rajura’s discomfort. Something dark and bitter, so foul to Rajura that Naaza could almost taste it. He could feel a slight pain in his cheek and rubbed at it, wondering if it was an echo from whatever was upsetting Rjura or if Anubisu had hit him while tossing and turning in his sleep. “No. It’s not clear.” He opened his eyes and looked at Anubisu. “He’s still sunk in his own thoughts.”
They’d gone to bed together in Anubisu’s large bed and, for once, Rajura had chosen not to join them. It wasn’t surprising. Rajura had been depressed since Sh’ten’s death two days ago. At least, they thought it was two days ago. It might have been more or less, Naaza couldn’t tell for certain. There was no time in the Youja Kai. They’d all been depressed, but it was affecting Rajura more than Naaza or Anubisu. Cool, detached Rajura so rarely seemed affected by anything that his depression and distraction took them all, including Kayura, by surprise. Rajura hadn’t eaten since before Arago had been banished and had spoken very little since they’d returned to the Youja Kai.
“He feels responsible, doesn’t he?” Anubisu asked. “We always teased him about being our mother. Maybe we were too close to the truth. He probably thinks it’s his fault Sh’ten died.” Anubisu closed his eyes slightly, until just a little bit of the white was showing. “He’s feeling guilty about something. Angry, too. I think he might be scared. That’s strange, isn’t it? It’s something big, at least he thinks it is. Why won’t he tell us?”
“You know how he is. Always has to has his secrets.” Naaza pressed at Rajura a little, trying to encourage him to give up some more information, but as soon as Rajura knew he Naaza was there, Rajura reinforced the barrier to keep them out. Secrets. Always secrets. Naaza tried again to persuade Rajura to let him in, but all of the feelings they’d glimpsed from him vanished when Rajura tightened the barrier until Naaza and Anubisu couldn‘t hope to sneak a peak at what Rajura was thinking.
“We won’t get anything from him, now.” Anubisu ran his hand through his hair and scrubbed at his eyes to wake himself up.
Naaza sat up and crossed his legs. He was, normally, a logical man and believed that anything could be figured out by simply thinking one’s way through it. Rajura’s depression and anxiety confused him. Something about it didn’t seem right. “Go talk to him, ’Nubie. I’ll be right there.” Anubisu was most likely correct. It must be Sh’ten’s death that bothered Rajura so badly. They’d all been ‘not-quite-themselves’ since Sh’ten had left them. His unique place in their shared mind had been taken over by the child, Kayura, after Sh’ten’s death and it was a hard adjustment for everyone. Kayura kept herself apart from them and they, in turn, made no effort to welcome her or open their minds to her.
“Come now.” Anubis reached out and took Naaza’s hand, stroking it with his thumb. “You can’t think he’d mind. He’s seen you undressed before.” A wicked smile curled at Anubisu’s lips. “Lots of times, in fact.”
“Just go.” Naaza pulled his hand away from Anubisu. “I want to put my robe on.”
Anubisu nodded slowly and rolled off the bed. He pulled on his own robe before leaving the room and as he tied the belt of the robe, Anubisu’s movements slowed and then stopped. “You were having nightmares, too, weren’t you? Something hurt my knee and people were yelling. That‘s what’s bothering you, not being undressed in front of ‘Jura.”
Naaza didn’t want to talk about it. Sweet Anubisu wouldn’t understand. His nightmares should be of Sh’ten’s death. He should be dreaming of that last bitter moment when Sh’ten’s soul screamed out in their mind in pain and fear before it was snuffed out like a candle. Instead he was dreaming of people he’d almost forgotten. People he wanted to forget. After all, Sh’ten had been much more important than the people he’d left behind before following Rajura into Arago’s service. But Naaza had no secrets from Anubisu. He was a simple man, almost as simple as Anubisu, and opened his mind for his brother to see. He let Anubisu feel the fear and the pain and hear the noise and screaming. He let Anubisu see the shadowy silhouettes of people and the hot, beating sun.
Anubisu pulled away from the images when they became too overwhelming and Naaza didn’t blame him. “It’s just a nightmare.”
“Yeah. We all have those.” Then Anubisu left and Naaza was alone. He waited until he heard the door close before he crawled out of bed. Yes, Rajura had seen Naaza undressed many times before, but that wasn’t the point. Naaza didn’t need to hide himself, he wanted to compose his mind. For a family that shared their thoughts a little too easily, distress and little things like nightmares could wreck havoc. Rajura was obviously suffering enough with his own thoughts, he didn’t need Naaza’s worries added on top of it.
‘No point worrying about that. It’s over and done. There’s only now.’ It was a trait he shared with Anubisu. There was no past and there was no future. There was only the here and now. Sh’ten had one theorized that it had to do with their connections to the animal spirits of the yoroi they wore, but if that was true, what did it say about Rajura? Rajura was bound to the arachnids just as much as Anubisu was to canines and Naaza to serpents. Rajura could think very deeply about the past and future, so deeply that he would tend to get lost in them. At least Naaza had the comfort of knowing that the nightmare was gone and he shifted it to the very back of his mind where he kept most unimportant thoughts. It was, after all, only a dream. Unlike Rajura‘s dreams, it had no bearings on reality. ‘Except it wasn’t just a dream…it was a memory…’ Another shake of his head and Naaza pushed the unwelcome thought away. Better to think of Rajura, instead.
When Naaza was quite certain his mind was stilled, he pulled on his robe and followed where Anubisu had gone.
Rajura-
He’d drawn attention to himself and Rajura was sorry for it. He hadn’t wanted the others to know, but maybe it was better this way. The moment Rajura had closed off his mind, he’d known that they would search him out. He’d have done the same thing in their place. Maybe it was better this way.
Rajura reached to his face to make sure that his illusion was still in place. The eye patch he wore over his missing eye was completely of his own imagination, but the missing eye was really missing. That was a long, unpleasant story. Just another thing Rajura didn’t want to think about. There were other things to deal with, anyway. Like Anubisu.
Memory-
"Please." Anubisu said the moment he appeared in Rajura's chambers and found his eldest brother sitting in a chair by the window doing nothing but thinking. "Please, make it stop."
Rajura hadn’t been at all surprised to see Anubisu. "So, it's happened?" His voice was dull and almost sad. "I tried to warn you away from him."
For a moment Anubisu said nothing, he just stood there. "'Jura?"
"Yes?" Rajura held a hand out to Anubisu, signaling for him to come closer. "Tell me what troubles you? What do you want to stop?"
"Stop it!" Anubisu growled. "You know what's wrong! You've known all along and you never told me!"
"Would you have believed me?" Rajura asked evenly. "You were so besotted by the boy, you haven't listened to anything I've said since you laid eyes on him." Rajura sighed and hung his head. "What do you want me to do, Anubisu? Just ask."
The pain was so unbearable for Anubisu. It was so terrible that Anubisu couldn‘t shield himself or he couldn‘t think straight enough to even try shielding. "Please, make me forget him."
Rajura went to him instantly and put both hands on Anubisu‘s shoulders. "I'm so sorry." Rajura said softly. "I'm so very sorry."
"Don't be sorry. Make me forget him! If he's killed in the coming war, I won't be able to stand it." He choked back a sob. "Better I forget him as he's forgotten me, then neither of us will suffer."
"You took his memory?" Rajura sounded surprised at that. It was the wisest thing Anubisu could have done, but he hadn’t expected it.
"I don’t want him to hesitate on the battlefield when he saw me." Anubisu explained his reasoning. "Any hesitation could mean death." He shook his head weakly, as if he didn't have any energy left. "It hurts so much, that I can't be with him. If I tried, Arago would kill him, wouldn't he?"
Rajura nodded. "Yes. I'll take your memory, if you want me to, but you have to be sure of this. Do you really want to face the possibility of dying without remembering him?" Rajura petted Anubisu's hair. "Do you want to chance my never being able to restore your memory? A man is the sum of his memories and this will destroy a large part of you."
Anubisu replied, "I don't care." He leaned his head forward so he was resting on Rajura's shoulder. "I just don't care."
"You're lying." Rajura told him softly.
"Yes."
Rajura gently moved his hand to the back of Anubisu’s head, digging his fingers down through Anubisu’s hair.
"I don't want to remember ever being mortal or life in the Ningen Kai. I just want my memory of here, with you and Sh'ten and Naaza." Anubisu said in a moaning sort of voice. “Everything else hurts too much.”
So Rajura did as Anubisu asked. With a jolt of energy delivered in just the right spot, Anubisu jerked once before he fell forward, unconscious, into Rajura's arms. Rajura lay his brother down on the carpeted floor before he looked up to see Naaza and Sh'ten standing in the doorway and guessed that they'd seen and heard everything.
"Such sweet pain." Sh'ten murmured with his arms wrapped around himself and not even bothering to hide the lust in his eyes. "He gave up all that delicious pain."
Naaza said nothing but Rajura could practically see the wheels turning in his head. "We'll have to forget, too, won't we?" Naaza said after a very long silence. "If any of us even thinks of what Anubisu had with that Ryo boy, Anubisu will pick it up in our thoughts and he'll remember everything." Another moment of silence before Naaza came forward. "I'll go first, I guess. No sense in putting off the inevitable."
"Are you sure? I won't do anything to you if…”
"Don't beat around the bush." Naaza hissed. "We all know we have to do this for Anubisu. He'd do it for us. Just do it and get it over with."
So, in the end, Rajura ended up with all three of his brothers laying on his floor after having their memories wiped out. Sadly, that meant that he would have to remember. 'I wish it was that easy to erase my own memories.'
End memory-
For a long time Rajura stared out his window at the Youja Kai with dark, heavy thoughts moving slowly around his mind. He’d done it for Anubisu’s own good. How could Anubisu possible fight a boy he was in love with? Hiding his memories had been the kindest thing Rajura could have done, given the circumstances.
‘If I hadn’t done it, Arago would have found out and made everything a lot worse. He’d have damaged Anubisu beyond repair.’ Arago was a demon and naturally cruel. He’d have made Anubisu watch while he tortured and possibly killed Ryo. ‘I didn’t have any choice. Fate rules us all and the battle was destined to happen. We were bound to fight against those children. Sh’ten’s death had been inevitable.’
Sh’ten was dead. The pain of his death still made Rajura’s heart bleed. At least it felt like his heart was bleeding. A part of him had been cut out, stolen. There was no emptiness, as Rajura had always feared there would be. Kayura had stepped into Sh’ten’s place, though Rajura couldn’t honestly say he was entirely happy about that.
‘I don’t even know how long it’s been. How long since Arago brought me here?’ No one but Anubisu and Naaza could possibly have understood it. To remain frozen and unchanging, all the while knowing that the world you’d left behind was going on without you. Family and friends lived and died. Empires were built and collapsed. Great wars were fought and the seasons turned as they always did. But Rajura stayed the same.
The war was over, now. There was nothing tying them to the Youja Kai. They could go back to the Ningen Sekai, back to Earth. They could live happy lives. Learn to survive in the modern world, get productive jobs. They could, in theory, blend back into human society.
No. That wasn’t really possible. Anubisu could never pass for human. Even before he’d entered Arago’s service, Anubisu hadn’t been quite human. He was dhampire, half vampire and half human. Anubisu would never blend in well and he wouldn’t start aging when he left the Youja Kai. Naaza? There was no way for him to be disguised as a normal human. His green hair and increasingly scaly skin, not to mention his reptilian eyes, marked him as being something other than human. How would Naaza change if they left the Youja Kai and normal time started to overtake them?
‘Not worth the chance.’ They hadn’t even discussed it and Rajura knew if they were to talk about the possibility of going back to their original home world, it would be he who brought it up. The others were content enough to just visit and even that they had little interest in. Naaza had no family and no love for humanity. Not surprising the way they’d treated him before his rise to ma-sho (warlord) status. And Anubisu…well…he had family. He just didn’t remember them and Rajura wasn’t sure if he should be reminded. ‘And there’s the whole problem. I’ve got to tell him. He’ll find out sooner or later and it’s better if it happens sooner. If Lightfoot returns and tells him, Anubisu will think I’ve deceived him.’
Rajura could still remember his first meeting with Anubisu when Arago had sent him to look for the bearer or the Yami yoroi. He’d found Anubisu in a dark European forest living in a rude hut. Anubisu had been savage, even then. A relatively easy life in the Youja Kai had eased away much of Anubisu’s desire for a wild existence, though he’d always been closer to animals than to human, especially the bitch, Lightfoot. The she-wolf had been close to Anubisu for far longer than Rajura had known him.
‘And she hasn’t been here since the war began.’ There was a reason for Lightfoot’s absence, but that, too, was part of the problem. Lightfoot wasn’t a wolf as they’d always believed and she wasn’t female. She didn’t even come from the Ningen Sekai, though that was where she currently lived, protecting the boy, Ryou, in its disguise of a white tiger, Byakuren.
Byakuen and Lightfoot, the tiger and the wolf, were one in the same.
Aside from all that, there was Naaza to consider. Naaza had willingly given up his memories to save Anubisu the pain of having to fight the boy he loved and now didn’t remember almost a fully week of his life. Rajura had completely taken away every moment from his brothers that could possibly lead them to think of the boy. Now, according to the pact he’d made with the creature everyone called Byakuen and the vampire elder, Abraham, Rajura had to let Anubisu remember everything.
The perpetual twilight of the Youja Kai was beautiful, no one could deny. The sky was almost purple, but clear of stars or even a moon. The sun would never rise, for there was no sun in the Youja Kai, nor was there a moon. There was no day or night, so seasons at all. After all, Youja Kai wasn’t Ningen Sekai. They weren’t apart of some greater universe. Instead, Youja Kai was another aspect of Ningen Sekai. Not necessarily a better or worse aspect, just different. It was quiet and Rajura liked the silence, even if it did become oppressive at times.
‘Something could go wrong. Maybe that’s part of the vision. I let Anubisu remember and Sedari takes him. But the pattern is fixed. Everything that happens is doomed to happen. No matter what happens, Anubisu will be taken by Sedari. Unless it was just a nightmare and nothing more.’ Frustrating wasn’t a big enough word for what it felt like to know what was going to happen, but not knowing if it was real or nothing but fears and worries. ’It’s my mind playing up on me. If I couldn’t save Sh’ten, then how could I save the others?’
Guilt pure and simple, even if Rajura knew it was useless and a waste of time. He wanted to have seen that Sh’ten was in danger and somehow do what he’d never been able to do before. He wanted to change fate.
‘The one thing I should have seen, and it was hidden from me.’ No one blamed Rajura. Naaza and Anubisu hadn’t even mentioned that he should have seen it coming. That he should have done something to change what was to come. Even when they’d laid Sh’ten to rest under the shade of an oak tree on Earth, neither of Rajura’s younger brothers had blamed him for what had happened to the baby of their family. ‘But I should have known. How many insignificant things have I seen in my long life? Why wasn’t I given that sight?’ It was a useless worry. Rajura knew that Sh’ten’s death couldn’t have been prevented, even if Rajura could have foreseen it. All things were fated to happen and Sh’ten’s death had been written long before he’d been born.
That knowledge didn’t stop Rajura from feeling guilty.
Cold arms slipped around Rajura’s shoulders and he felt the slow, easy rhythm of Anubisu’s heart against his back. Funny. He hadn‘t even heard Anubisu enter the room. “I thought you were spending the night with Naaza.”
“And we thought you might be asleep. What’s got you up?”
“Can’t sleep.”
“Nightmares?”
“No. Just…thinking.”
Anubisu sighed heavily. “That‘s your delicate way of hinting that you’ve had a vision of some kind. You think too much.”
“No. Honestly, just thinking.” He was very careful to keep his deeper thoughts buried and closed away from Anubisu. Lies. It was what he did best. It was what he’d always done best.
“Come to bed?” Anubisu moved so he stood next to Rajura, facing him.
Anubisu’s open, honest face was like a spear to Rajura’s heart with the pain of another guilt. It weighed heavily on him. For several months he’d kept this awful secret from Anubisu and, even though Rajura knew it was Anubisu’s good, he disliked himself for keeping it. He kept the secret carefully to himself, not even telling Naaza about it.
He must have been silent too long or his faces showed some of his trouble because Anubisu asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You always lie.” He moved a little closer to Rajura and sniffed. Anubisu was able to tell a lot from a person’s scent, much like an animal. THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG. YOU DON’T LOOK WELL.
The mind speak was a comfort and Rajura leaned on Anubisu. He was exhausted. Too little sleep and all of it restless. If he could just get his mind sorted out he could go back to bed. MAYBE SOME SLEEP. Rajura thought back with a wiry smile. He didn’t feel well. The guilt kept building and it was becoming a heavy rock in his stomach. It was new, this guilt. I’M SURE I’M ALL RIGHT. JUST TIRED.
All through the war, where there was actual danger lurking every moment of every day, Rajura had felt no guilt. He knew, then, that he was doing the right thing for Anubisu. In the long run, it had to be done. Then, Sh’ten had died. It had hurt like a hot ice pick through the heart when Sh’ten had abandoned them to fight with the other side. Rajura hadn’t seen that coming. And during the last battle of the great war, Sh’ten had sacrificed himself to free them. Gone. He was dead, all of his power transferring to the child, Kayura.
When Sh’ten had died, Rajura realized that he didn’t know all of the future. What if he gave Anubisu back his memories and something terrible happened because of it? What if the wyrm failed to keep his part of the bargain. If he didn’t let Anubisu remember, then Anubisu was sure to go to the Ningen Sekai and his grandsire or mother would find him and the secret would be spilled, anyway.
THEN GO TO SLEEP. Anubisu easily picked up Rajura and carried him back to bed, ignoring Rajura’s admittedly weak protests. Sometimes it was nice to let someone take care of you. Anubisu wasn’t clever or subtle. He was like an animal, blunt and straightforward. Rajura relied on his guile to see him through life, even before he’d come to serve Arago. Naaza was cunning as any of his snakes, and Sh’ten had been extremely intelligent. Anubisu, however, saw no point in being clever when he could rush head-long into battle. “You seriously look like death.”
“’Nubie,” Rajura started when Anubisu started to pull up the blanket around him. “You can see the spirits of the dead, can’t you?”
“It’s part of my gift.” Anubisu didn’t necessarily like it, but it was a talent they, being dwellers of the Youja Kai, had. It wasn’t anything to do with the yoroi, but something Arago had imposed on them. Considering they were servants of a demon, Arago had thought it appropriate that they be able to deal more directly with the dead. Anubisu, having a power over the dead with his yoroi, was better at it than the rest of them and when it came to such things it was often Anubisu who would deal with the dead. “It doesn’t come up often, ‘Jura. Other than getting information for Arago, how often did any of us have to do that?”
“Did you speak with Sh’ten?”
Anubisu went still and looked more than a little ashamed. “I was afraid to. We failed him, didn’t we? He was killed because of us. I thought he’d be angry with us.”
It was as Rajura had expected. For the same reason Rajura hadn’t tried to contact Sh’ten, either. “It’s too late, now, at any rate. He’s moved on and gone. I just wondered, that’s all.”
GO TO BED. NAAZA WILL COME BY AND HELP IF YOU DON‘T.
I THINK I CAN DO WITHOUT THAT. Naaza had medicine for every occasion, but very few of them tasted good.
Naaza’s voice answered him. BUT YOU WON’T. YOU NEED SLEEP. YOU HAVEN’T SLEPT IN TWO DAYS. FOR ONCE, Naaza spoke verbally once he entered the room. “Anubisu is quite correct. You think too much.” He came to sit by Rajura’s side and leaned over to kiss him. The poisoned kiss tasted sweet and almost at once Rajura felt a wonderful lassitude seep into him. Naaza sat up and looked at Rajura, critically. “You haven’t slept since we lost Sh’ten, have you?”
He‘d tried to sleep. It just wouldn‘t come to him. “Anubisu, we need to talk. Something important.” Rajura began to feel the effects. His eyelid dropped and his arms and legs felt heavy. It was rather like the brew Mordane had made him drink. “Stay here. Don’t go hunting ‘till I wake up.”
“What kind of important something?” Anubisu asked.
“Memory. You need it.” Rajura’s eyes closed and he couldn’t find the strength to open them. “I promised. I’m sorry.” Rajura fell, once again, into a dream. Or was it a vision…?
The dream-
Wolves and tigers with cold eyes.
Twin dragon swords clashing in the dark.
Blood.
Anubisu crying.
Lovers.
Death.
Naaza holding the body of a dying Rekka.
The dream swayed away from the flashing, confused images. He saw a face as beautiful as the dawn. A divine figure pale blue eyes and a kind smile. He’d loved her, once. Then he saw the truth, her ugly nature burning through the beautiful illusion. Then she was laughing. Laughing so wildly and hysterically, that Ari went cold and turned away.
“Look at me!” Sedari commanded. “How dare you turn away!? Look at me!”
“Don’t look.” Sh’ten was there, leaning against the tree he was buried under, gazing at the river he had drowned in. “You mustn’t look at her.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Then don’t. We’re safe here. We don’t have to leave and she can’t come here. Have you looked at the water, yet?”
“The water?” Ari, now Rajura, went to stand near Sh’ten at the water’s edge. He looked down and saw Anubisu standing alone. “He hates being alone.”
“Then when are you going to end it?”
“I’ll do it. Naaza put me to sleep before I could.”
“They need to know the truth.”
“Since when are you interested in truth?”
“I’m not. You are. Oh, here comes another one.”
What Rajura saw in the water was…different.
A freckled man with a gun and blood running down the side of his face.
Shackles.
Sedari.
Rajura woke gasping for breath and it took him a moment to realize he’d woken up. It was his own room. His bedclothes were warm and there wasn’t a sound in the castle. He was safe.
“Another vision. I don’t need this.” Don’t want was closer to the truth.
Sh’ten. It was inevitable that he’d dream of Sh’ten sooner or later. Why did Sh’ten have to be connected to the vision? It didn’t bode well.
‘If I sit here and think about it, I’ll drive myself mad.’ With that thought in mind, Rajura ran his fingers over his eye patch. It was secure and that made him feel better. ‘Maybe I’m already mad. How long have they been asleep?’
On either side of him Naaza and Anubisu had fallen back asleep, looking as if they’d been asleep for hours. They looked so peaceful like that. He almost hated to wake them. But…it was time. There was no more threat from the war and Arago couldn’t hurt them anymore. Time to let Anubisu remember.
To Be Continued…
Youja Kai-
Rajura-
Dream-
The smoke from the fire was heavy, tainting everything with the smell. His mother was standing near the fire, tired and haggard at the ripe old age of thirty. Her hair hanging around her weary face in greasy strands. Today, though, she looked proud and it was because of Ari that she was proud. As she stood by her husband’s side, the village chief, her chin was high and she beamed as Ari was led to the fire at the center of the hall by Mordane, the seer.
Mordane was old, ancient. Her back was stooped so badly that she was nearly bent over double and she could only walk with the aid of a tall walking stick. Walking in slow, painful steps, Mordane led Ari through the assembled village, all of them silent as a winter‘s night and all of them watching Ari. He didn’t mind. Mordane had told him that this would happen ever since she’d taken him into her care and begun his training as her heir. He’d lived with her for several years before Mordane had announced, quite suddenly two days ago that she would complete the ceremony.
“It’s time.” She’d told him as they’d sat together in her home.
“How do you know?”
She’d smiled kindly and put her arm around him. “I have seen it. Just remember, life will take you far and your journey will be filled with storms, but I will always be proud of you.”
When they finally reached the fire, Ari could see his bearded father, sitting on a stool just behind the fire, and all of his older brothers standing behind their father. Ari didn’t feel very close to his brothers, he really didn’t know them. They’d all been grown-ups when he’d been born, much too old to play with. His father was impossible to care for, Ari believed. The man was stiff and unyielding, far too in love with power and position to see his family.
The hall was absolutely silent, so quiet that Ari could hear his own heart thudding in his ears. Fear? No. He wasn’t afraid. He couldn’t be. Mordane had told him that this would all turn out just the way it should. He would be honored in the village, honored and respected. Though he was young and small, weak from a childhood fraught with illness, he would hold a place of great power just as Mordane did.
“Kneel here.” Mordane gave Ari a soft push on the shoulders, urging him down onto his knees and he did as she wanted. Ari truly loved Mordane. She was kind, gentle, and told the best stories. If she was aware of how many people were watching them, Mordane didn’t show it. “Child, tonight you give yourself to the pattern. The preordained pattern that governs us all. You will see what other mortals are not allowed to see - the pattern of what will come. You will give your mind to the visions and live with the knowledge of what is to happen. You must accept that there is nothing you can do that will change what you see, for you, too, are part of the pattern. Do you understand your destiny?”
“I understand.” They’d rehearsed this many times so Ari wouldn’t make any mistakes.
“Do you accept the sacrifice required of you? To gain some sight of the future, you must lose some part of your physical vision.”
Ari looked up into her single bright eye and then looked at the place where her other eye should have been. Instead of an eye, there was nothing but a mass of ugly scars clumsily stitched together over the empty eye socket. Mordane had been very clear about what sacrifice would be demanded of him. She’d also told him that he had no real choice. This, like everything else, was already written in the pattern. He would do this because she’d already seen it and, therefore, it must be true. “I accept.”
A murmur ran through the crowd of villagers, but it quieted very suddenly when Mordane pulled a packet of herbs from inside her cape. Someone handed her a clay cup filled with water and Mordane dropped the herbs in before lifting the cup to Ari’s mouth and having him drink. It was an awful taste, but Mordane had told him it would be foul. He had no time before the terrible feeling of weightlessness overtook him and he felt like he was flying. He’d known that it would happen and thought, distantly, that it was good Mordane had given him the draught or he might be afraid of the knife she was holding.
“For many years now, I have seen a white haired boy with eyes the color of ice. He will be the greatest seer this world has ever known and he will be a powerful warrior, a teacher of great men. This child will change the world. Now I have found the child my visions have shown me.” Mordane looked around at the villagers, holding the shining knife over her head as far as she could. She wanted everyone to see it. “Odin gave up his eye as payment for his gift to see the future. All seers since have paid the same price.” Mordane turned swiftly and seized Ari’s chin, wrenching his face upward before the knife was brought down and Ari felt himself gasp with surprise.
There was no pain, but he’d felt the knife’s blade cut into him and he felt the warmth of his own blood run down the side of his face and drip onto his hand. When Mordane stepped back the knife was shining with blood in the firelight. She motioned to the side someone pressed a cloth against Ari’s face.
‘Blind.’ He thought dully. ‘I can’t see. My eye’s gone.’ He shouldn’t have felt so surprised. This was what Mordane had always told him would happen. From his earliest memories, Ari had always been told that he would be Mordane’s successor. This was just the final moment coming to pass.
“Ari?” A soft voice whispered in his ear. “Can you hear me?”
He turned his head slowly and came to find that it was, of course, Mordane, who held the cloth over where his eye had been. Of course it was Mordane, the villagers, even his own family, wouldn’t touch him after this day. It was taboo to lay hands on a seer in any way for fear that the gods would think it disrespectful and bring misfortune upon the offending village. That was why Mordane had no children or husband and why Ari would never have a family of his own. She swayed, or maybe it was Ari who swayed, and Ari reached out to touch her arm just to make sure she was real. She felt real, but at the moment he wasn’t quite sure.
“I can hear you.” His voice echoed inside his head and Ari almost laughed, it sounded so funny. “What’s going on?” His tongue felt heavy and thick.
“The potion has to run its course. It clouds your mind to free you from the pain of your sacrifice. Tell me what you see.” Mordane put a hand on Ari’s head and he blinked, looking up at her. Mordane, old and frail though she was, slowly sat down in front of him and smiled, showing off her gap toothed grin. When Ari said nothing after a moment, she kissed his forehead and said, reassuringly, “Perhaps the visions don’t chose to appear to you, yet. They will in time,” She half turned to the people surrounding them. “It maybe be days before any are revealed to him.”
Demons!
They swirled around Ari like flies around carrion. Massive, nightmarish thing grinning and screaming at him from deep in a thick mist. Their putrid breath was almost a physical touch against his face, making his skin burn and itch. There was one demon that was clearer than all the others. Dark red with white hair floating around it as if it were underwater. That one wasn’t hidden by mist and its face was immobile, but the glowing eyes made Ari’s soul quake. It laughed, deep and dark. It was looking for Ari. He could feel that it had been looking for him and for others. It was close to finding him.
A hand from the mist reached out and wrapped around Ari, squeezing so tightly that he felt he couldn’t breathe. There were others clutched in the demon’s fist. A blue haired man as cold as death. A small man with green hair and empty eyes. The last was a auburn haired boy. They all struggled and fought within the grasp of the demon, but in vain. All around him, Ari saw that there were others fighting, not trapped by the demon’s hand. Suits of magnificent metal armor in bright colors holding weapons Ari had never seen before attacked the hand of the demon.
“It’s the loss of blood.” Mordane was saying when Ari came back to himself. He was laying on the floor, staring at the roof and the fire‘s smoke as it escaped from the hole in the roof. “He’ll need rest for a few days and hot meat. Bring him a cup of mead.” Mordane leaned over Ari and gave him another grin. She seemed very happy with him. “There he is. You’ll be fine. Don’t worry. The visions will start, soon enough.”
Time passed and Ari sat in the same hall where he‘d given up his eye, facing his father. Ari’s father hadn’t changed much in during the year that had passed. He was still ambitious and thirsty for power. The more Ari saw of what his father would one day do and the people he would hurt, the more Ari disliked him. The visions hit Ari often, but he didn’t always tell about what he saw. He didn’t always tell his father or even Mordane what he saw. Why should he tell them of what would happen when he didn’t understand it, himself?
“What have you seen?” Ari’s father didn’t even bother to look at Mordane when he spoke. Since Ari’s sacrifice, Mordane hadn’t spoken of a single vision, saying that it was Ari’s place and not hers to advise the village’s chief. She still kept close to Ari, however, and accompanied him almost everywhere.
“I have seen the rains coming. Children in a war far away will starve.” Ari didn’t tell his father about the demon lurking around the edge. Every day since Mordane had cut out Ari’s eye Ari had seen the demon in visions, coming closer and closer. It was nothing Ari’s father needed to know about. “Your woman sleeps with your rival tonight, father.”
SLAP!
The strike made Ari’s head jerk to the side, painfully wrenching his neck. He caught himself before he hit the ground and looked up in time to see Mordane standing between Ari and his father with her staff held in front of her as if she would fight.
“A most…unwise action.” Mordane hissed, aggressively. “Do you think because he happens to have your blood in his veins that you have the privilege of putting your hands on him?”
“I’m alright.” Ari straightened himself, proudly, and touched Mordane’s hand. She took it as a signal and moved back to where she’d been waiting before Ari’s father had hit him. “You worry too much for me.” Ari was small and had always been sickly, but he would not be weak. Not in front of the man who would show such disrespect for not only Ari and Mordane, but to the gods themselves. “You asked and I tell you only the truth, father. Your woman will sleep tonight with Olson and whisper your secrets in his ear. Tomorrow, you will kill him and you will cut off her ears before you banish her from the village. I expect mother will be pleased, anyway.”
“Dear Ari,” Mordane slipped another fur over his shoulders and smiled gently down at him. “You always speak so wisely.” At that she smirked at her chief over Ari’s head. “Your visions are always so clear, always true. How many battles have you won because of your visions? How much does this village owe you?” She patted Ari’s white hair affectionately. “Your gift is powerful as I knew it would be. Far more powerful than my gift. Any chieftain would be honored to have you at his side. Any.” She sent a significant look at Ari’s father who looked properly rebuked. The meaning was clear. If he wasn’t treated well here, she would take Ari away to serve another village and, as seers, there was nothing Ari’s father could do to stop him short of killing them. If he tried to kill or even harm them, his own villagers would rise against him for everyone knew what black luck it was to bring harm to seer.
Ari’s father snorted deeply, but sat back down and didn’t raise his hand again. “Go on, boy. What else have you see?”
Ari…no. Rajura smiled over the fire at his father. Yes. ‘I’m dreaming. This was all long ago. It’s not even really a dream, but more of a memory.’ This was how it should be. This was how his life was meant to be, from Mordane’s protection to the stinging pain on his cheek. ’Mordane. I’ve missed you.’ But the realization that this wasn’t real didn’t stop Rajura from continuing on with the dream of his childhood in far away Scandinavia. The dream continued and he spoke the same words he’d spoken so many years ago. “I have seen a thousand head of reindeer thundering across the land. I have seen darkness coming closer and sun rising over a city of metal greater than any you can imagine.” He didn’t know what to make of the things he sometimes saw, but father always listened carefully and seemed to take it very seriously. “I have seen myself…”
He stood at the threshold of a throne room and saw through the glamour. The fae were nothing but people, like any other people, and their queen was a rather repulsive creature. ‘This didn’t happen. It’s changed.’ This wasn’t a memory of what had been.
“Give them back!” Rajura found himself shouting. There, at the far end of the room, was a very familiar figure. A woman that made Rajura’s skin crawl.
Sedari reached out her skinny arms to him. “I’ll have you back one way or another, Ari. We‘re meant to be together.”
“No, Sedari. Never. Give me back my brother.” He knew Anubisu was near, afraid and in pain. But he also knew it wasn’t Anubisu alone who suffered from Sedari’s sadistic treatment.
“He’s the bait. You wouldn’t have come without him being my guest.”
“Guest?!” Rajura thundered, furiously. “You’ve tortured him! I felt it! Every moment of it! I saw his pain and felt what you did to his body. Give me my brother!”
“Ari…”
“Ari is gone. I am Rajura!”
End of dream-
He woke sweating and breathless, his heart beating against his chest so hard it felt as if it might break through, and sat upright so quickly that his long white hair jerked forward and he had to brush it off his sweat covered face with his fingers.
The dream memory was nothing. Rajura had often dreamed of his childhood and Mordane, but the second part of the dream felt more like a vision and that frightened Rajura. He wasn’t fool enough to think that Sedari had died during his time in the Youja Kai. Fae could live for eons and with all the power at Sedari’s disposal, there was no telling how long her life would stretch.
There was a push at the curtain that surrounded Rajura’s mind and Rajura quickly strengthened his barriers. Another probing touch, but Rajura didn’t let them in. Naaza and Anubisu had obviously been woken by Rajura’s troubled sleep. They were curious and worried, but Rajura didn’t want to deal with explanations when he didn’t have any. There was a meaning to what he‘d seen, Rajura just had to discover it. Most worrisome of all was that Anubisu had been involved. Rajura didn’t like it when his little brothers were in danger and anything involving Sedari was dangerous.
Again, Naaza pushed at Rajura’s mind, asking to be let in. No doubt he wanted to help comfort Rajura. ‘Does he think I’m dreaming of Sh’ten, again? Probably.’ Rajura closed his mind to them entirely and the feeling of Naaza and Anubisu faded away. He needed a few minutes to sort this out and thinking about Sh’ten tragic death wasn’t going to help him concentrate. He’d only get a few minutes. Soon, they’d get impatient and come to see what was wrong with him.
Naaza-
There was something wrong. What it was, exactly, Naaza didn’t know, but it was enough to wake him up out of an unpleasant dream. It wasn’t a nightmare, but a dream filled with water and loud noise. The sound of people screaming and pain. He heard his father’s voice yelling and his mother was crying.
Frankly, he was quite pleased to be woken.
“Can you hear it?”
Yes. That was what was wrong. Something was bothering Rajura. Naaza closed his eyes again and let his mind still. He could feel Rajura’s discomfort. Something dark and bitter, so foul to Rajura that Naaza could almost taste it. He could feel a slight pain in his cheek and rubbed at it, wondering if it was an echo from whatever was upsetting Rjura or if Anubisu had hit him while tossing and turning in his sleep. “No. It’s not clear.” He opened his eyes and looked at Anubisu. “He’s still sunk in his own thoughts.”
They’d gone to bed together in Anubisu’s large bed and, for once, Rajura had chosen not to join them. It wasn’t surprising. Rajura had been depressed since Sh’ten’s death two days ago. At least, they thought it was two days ago. It might have been more or less, Naaza couldn’t tell for certain. There was no time in the Youja Kai. They’d all been depressed, but it was affecting Rajura more than Naaza or Anubisu. Cool, detached Rajura so rarely seemed affected by anything that his depression and distraction took them all, including Kayura, by surprise. Rajura hadn’t eaten since before Arago had been banished and had spoken very little since they’d returned to the Youja Kai.
“He feels responsible, doesn’t he?” Anubisu asked. “We always teased him about being our mother. Maybe we were too close to the truth. He probably thinks it’s his fault Sh’ten died.” Anubisu closed his eyes slightly, until just a little bit of the white was showing. “He’s feeling guilty about something. Angry, too. I think he might be scared. That’s strange, isn’t it? It’s something big, at least he thinks it is. Why won’t he tell us?”
“You know how he is. Always has to has his secrets.” Naaza pressed at Rajura a little, trying to encourage him to give up some more information, but as soon as Rajura knew he Naaza was there, Rajura reinforced the barrier to keep them out. Secrets. Always secrets. Naaza tried again to persuade Rajura to let him in, but all of the feelings they’d glimpsed from him vanished when Rajura tightened the barrier until Naaza and Anubisu couldn‘t hope to sneak a peak at what Rajura was thinking.
“We won’t get anything from him, now.” Anubisu ran his hand through his hair and scrubbed at his eyes to wake himself up.
Naaza sat up and crossed his legs. He was, normally, a logical man and believed that anything could be figured out by simply thinking one’s way through it. Rajura’s depression and anxiety confused him. Something about it didn’t seem right. “Go talk to him, ’Nubie. I’ll be right there.” Anubisu was most likely correct. It must be Sh’ten’s death that bothered Rajura so badly. They’d all been ‘not-quite-themselves’ since Sh’ten had left them. His unique place in their shared mind had been taken over by the child, Kayura, after Sh’ten’s death and it was a hard adjustment for everyone. Kayura kept herself apart from them and they, in turn, made no effort to welcome her or open their minds to her.
“Come now.” Anubis reached out and took Naaza’s hand, stroking it with his thumb. “You can’t think he’d mind. He’s seen you undressed before.” A wicked smile curled at Anubisu’s lips. “Lots of times, in fact.”
“Just go.” Naaza pulled his hand away from Anubisu. “I want to put my robe on.”
Anubisu nodded slowly and rolled off the bed. He pulled on his own robe before leaving the room and as he tied the belt of the robe, Anubisu’s movements slowed and then stopped. “You were having nightmares, too, weren’t you? Something hurt my knee and people were yelling. That‘s what’s bothering you, not being undressed in front of ‘Jura.”
Naaza didn’t want to talk about it. Sweet Anubisu wouldn’t understand. His nightmares should be of Sh’ten’s death. He should be dreaming of that last bitter moment when Sh’ten’s soul screamed out in their mind in pain and fear before it was snuffed out like a candle. Instead he was dreaming of people he’d almost forgotten. People he wanted to forget. After all, Sh’ten had been much more important than the people he’d left behind before following Rajura into Arago’s service. But Naaza had no secrets from Anubisu. He was a simple man, almost as simple as Anubisu, and opened his mind for his brother to see. He let Anubisu feel the fear and the pain and hear the noise and screaming. He let Anubisu see the shadowy silhouettes of people and the hot, beating sun.
Anubisu pulled away from the images when they became too overwhelming and Naaza didn’t blame him. “It’s just a nightmare.”
“Yeah. We all have those.” Then Anubisu left and Naaza was alone. He waited until he heard the door close before he crawled out of bed. Yes, Rajura had seen Naaza undressed many times before, but that wasn’t the point. Naaza didn’t need to hide himself, he wanted to compose his mind. For a family that shared their thoughts a little too easily, distress and little things like nightmares could wreck havoc. Rajura was obviously suffering enough with his own thoughts, he didn’t need Naaza’s worries added on top of it.
‘No point worrying about that. It’s over and done. There’s only now.’ It was a trait he shared with Anubisu. There was no past and there was no future. There was only the here and now. Sh’ten had one theorized that it had to do with their connections to the animal spirits of the yoroi they wore, but if that was true, what did it say about Rajura? Rajura was bound to the arachnids just as much as Anubisu was to canines and Naaza to serpents. Rajura could think very deeply about the past and future, so deeply that he would tend to get lost in them. At least Naaza had the comfort of knowing that the nightmare was gone and he shifted it to the very back of his mind where he kept most unimportant thoughts. It was, after all, only a dream. Unlike Rajura‘s dreams, it had no bearings on reality. ‘Except it wasn’t just a dream…it was a memory…’ Another shake of his head and Naaza pushed the unwelcome thought away. Better to think of Rajura, instead.
When Naaza was quite certain his mind was stilled, he pulled on his robe and followed where Anubisu had gone.
Rajura-
He’d drawn attention to himself and Rajura was sorry for it. He hadn’t wanted the others to know, but maybe it was better this way. The moment Rajura had closed off his mind, he’d known that they would search him out. He’d have done the same thing in their place. Maybe it was better this way.
Rajura reached to his face to make sure that his illusion was still in place. The eye patch he wore over his missing eye was completely of his own imagination, but the missing eye was really missing. That was a long, unpleasant story. Just another thing Rajura didn’t want to think about. There were other things to deal with, anyway. Like Anubisu.
Memory-
"Please." Anubisu said the moment he appeared in Rajura's chambers and found his eldest brother sitting in a chair by the window doing nothing but thinking. "Please, make it stop."
Rajura hadn’t been at all surprised to see Anubisu. "So, it's happened?" His voice was dull and almost sad. "I tried to warn you away from him."
For a moment Anubisu said nothing, he just stood there. "'Jura?"
"Yes?" Rajura held a hand out to Anubisu, signaling for him to come closer. "Tell me what troubles you? What do you want to stop?"
"Stop it!" Anubisu growled. "You know what's wrong! You've known all along and you never told me!"
"Would you have believed me?" Rajura asked evenly. "You were so besotted by the boy, you haven't listened to anything I've said since you laid eyes on him." Rajura sighed and hung his head. "What do you want me to do, Anubisu? Just ask."
The pain was so unbearable for Anubisu. It was so terrible that Anubisu couldn‘t shield himself or he couldn‘t think straight enough to even try shielding. "Please, make me forget him."
Rajura went to him instantly and put both hands on Anubisu‘s shoulders. "I'm so sorry." Rajura said softly. "I'm so very sorry."
"Don't be sorry. Make me forget him! If he's killed in the coming war, I won't be able to stand it." He choked back a sob. "Better I forget him as he's forgotten me, then neither of us will suffer."
"You took his memory?" Rajura sounded surprised at that. It was the wisest thing Anubisu could have done, but he hadn’t expected it.
"I don’t want him to hesitate on the battlefield when he saw me." Anubisu explained his reasoning. "Any hesitation could mean death." He shook his head weakly, as if he didn't have any energy left. "It hurts so much, that I can't be with him. If I tried, Arago would kill him, wouldn't he?"
Rajura nodded. "Yes. I'll take your memory, if you want me to, but you have to be sure of this. Do you really want to face the possibility of dying without remembering him?" Rajura petted Anubisu's hair. "Do you want to chance my never being able to restore your memory? A man is the sum of his memories and this will destroy a large part of you."
Anubisu replied, "I don't care." He leaned his head forward so he was resting on Rajura's shoulder. "I just don't care."
"You're lying." Rajura told him softly.
"Yes."
Rajura gently moved his hand to the back of Anubisu’s head, digging his fingers down through Anubisu’s hair.
"I don't want to remember ever being mortal or life in the Ningen Kai. I just want my memory of here, with you and Sh'ten and Naaza." Anubisu said in a moaning sort of voice. “Everything else hurts too much.”
So Rajura did as Anubisu asked. With a jolt of energy delivered in just the right spot, Anubisu jerked once before he fell forward, unconscious, into Rajura's arms. Rajura lay his brother down on the carpeted floor before he looked up to see Naaza and Sh'ten standing in the doorway and guessed that they'd seen and heard everything.
"Such sweet pain." Sh'ten murmured with his arms wrapped around himself and not even bothering to hide the lust in his eyes. "He gave up all that delicious pain."
Naaza said nothing but Rajura could practically see the wheels turning in his head. "We'll have to forget, too, won't we?" Naaza said after a very long silence. "If any of us even thinks of what Anubisu had with that Ryo boy, Anubisu will pick it up in our thoughts and he'll remember everything." Another moment of silence before Naaza came forward. "I'll go first, I guess. No sense in putting off the inevitable."
"Are you sure? I won't do anything to you if…”
"Don't beat around the bush." Naaza hissed. "We all know we have to do this for Anubisu. He'd do it for us. Just do it and get it over with."
So, in the end, Rajura ended up with all three of his brothers laying on his floor after having their memories wiped out. Sadly, that meant that he would have to remember. 'I wish it was that easy to erase my own memories.'
End memory-
For a long time Rajura stared out his window at the Youja Kai with dark, heavy thoughts moving slowly around his mind. He’d done it for Anubisu’s own good. How could Anubisu possible fight a boy he was in love with? Hiding his memories had been the kindest thing Rajura could have done, given the circumstances.
‘If I hadn’t done it, Arago would have found out and made everything a lot worse. He’d have damaged Anubisu beyond repair.’ Arago was a demon and naturally cruel. He’d have made Anubisu watch while he tortured and possibly killed Ryo. ‘I didn’t have any choice. Fate rules us all and the battle was destined to happen. We were bound to fight against those children. Sh’ten’s death had been inevitable.’
Sh’ten was dead. The pain of his death still made Rajura’s heart bleed. At least it felt like his heart was bleeding. A part of him had been cut out, stolen. There was no emptiness, as Rajura had always feared there would be. Kayura had stepped into Sh’ten’s place, though Rajura couldn’t honestly say he was entirely happy about that.
‘I don’t even know how long it’s been. How long since Arago brought me here?’ No one but Anubisu and Naaza could possibly have understood it. To remain frozen and unchanging, all the while knowing that the world you’d left behind was going on without you. Family and friends lived and died. Empires were built and collapsed. Great wars were fought and the seasons turned as they always did. But Rajura stayed the same.
The war was over, now. There was nothing tying them to the Youja Kai. They could go back to the Ningen Sekai, back to Earth. They could live happy lives. Learn to survive in the modern world, get productive jobs. They could, in theory, blend back into human society.
No. That wasn’t really possible. Anubisu could never pass for human. Even before he’d entered Arago’s service, Anubisu hadn’t been quite human. He was dhampire, half vampire and half human. Anubisu would never blend in well and he wouldn’t start aging when he left the Youja Kai. Naaza? There was no way for him to be disguised as a normal human. His green hair and increasingly scaly skin, not to mention his reptilian eyes, marked him as being something other than human. How would Naaza change if they left the Youja Kai and normal time started to overtake them?
‘Not worth the chance.’ They hadn’t even discussed it and Rajura knew if they were to talk about the possibility of going back to their original home world, it would be he who brought it up. The others were content enough to just visit and even that they had little interest in. Naaza had no family and no love for humanity. Not surprising the way they’d treated him before his rise to ma-sho (warlord) status. And Anubisu…well…he had family. He just didn’t remember them and Rajura wasn’t sure if he should be reminded. ‘And there’s the whole problem. I’ve got to tell him. He’ll find out sooner or later and it’s better if it happens sooner. If Lightfoot returns and tells him, Anubisu will think I’ve deceived him.’
Rajura could still remember his first meeting with Anubisu when Arago had sent him to look for the bearer or the Yami yoroi. He’d found Anubisu in a dark European forest living in a rude hut. Anubisu had been savage, even then. A relatively easy life in the Youja Kai had eased away much of Anubisu’s desire for a wild existence, though he’d always been closer to animals than to human, especially the bitch, Lightfoot. The she-wolf had been close to Anubisu for far longer than Rajura had known him.
‘And she hasn’t been here since the war began.’ There was a reason for Lightfoot’s absence, but that, too, was part of the problem. Lightfoot wasn’t a wolf as they’d always believed and she wasn’t female. She didn’t even come from the Ningen Sekai, though that was where she currently lived, protecting the boy, Ryou, in its disguise of a white tiger, Byakuren.
Byakuen and Lightfoot, the tiger and the wolf, were one in the same.
Aside from all that, there was Naaza to consider. Naaza had willingly given up his memories to save Anubisu the pain of having to fight the boy he loved and now didn’t remember almost a fully week of his life. Rajura had completely taken away every moment from his brothers that could possibly lead them to think of the boy. Now, according to the pact he’d made with the creature everyone called Byakuen and the vampire elder, Abraham, Rajura had to let Anubisu remember everything.
The perpetual twilight of the Youja Kai was beautiful, no one could deny. The sky was almost purple, but clear of stars or even a moon. The sun would never rise, for there was no sun in the Youja Kai, nor was there a moon. There was no day or night, so seasons at all. After all, Youja Kai wasn’t Ningen Sekai. They weren’t apart of some greater universe. Instead, Youja Kai was another aspect of Ningen Sekai. Not necessarily a better or worse aspect, just different. It was quiet and Rajura liked the silence, even if it did become oppressive at times.
‘Something could go wrong. Maybe that’s part of the vision. I let Anubisu remember and Sedari takes him. But the pattern is fixed. Everything that happens is doomed to happen. No matter what happens, Anubisu will be taken by Sedari. Unless it was just a nightmare and nothing more.’ Frustrating wasn’t a big enough word for what it felt like to know what was going to happen, but not knowing if it was real or nothing but fears and worries. ’It’s my mind playing up on me. If I couldn’t save Sh’ten, then how could I save the others?’
Guilt pure and simple, even if Rajura knew it was useless and a waste of time. He wanted to have seen that Sh’ten was in danger and somehow do what he’d never been able to do before. He wanted to change fate.
‘The one thing I should have seen, and it was hidden from me.’ No one blamed Rajura. Naaza and Anubisu hadn’t even mentioned that he should have seen it coming. That he should have done something to change what was to come. Even when they’d laid Sh’ten to rest under the shade of an oak tree on Earth, neither of Rajura’s younger brothers had blamed him for what had happened to the baby of their family. ‘But I should have known. How many insignificant things have I seen in my long life? Why wasn’t I given that sight?’ It was a useless worry. Rajura knew that Sh’ten’s death couldn’t have been prevented, even if Rajura could have foreseen it. All things were fated to happen and Sh’ten’s death had been written long before he’d been born.
That knowledge didn’t stop Rajura from feeling guilty.
Cold arms slipped around Rajura’s shoulders and he felt the slow, easy rhythm of Anubisu’s heart against his back. Funny. He hadn‘t even heard Anubisu enter the room. “I thought you were spending the night with Naaza.”
“And we thought you might be asleep. What’s got you up?”
“Can’t sleep.”
“Nightmares?”
“No. Just…thinking.”
Anubisu sighed heavily. “That‘s your delicate way of hinting that you’ve had a vision of some kind. You think too much.”
“No. Honestly, just thinking.” He was very careful to keep his deeper thoughts buried and closed away from Anubisu. Lies. It was what he did best. It was what he’d always done best.
“Come to bed?” Anubisu moved so he stood next to Rajura, facing him.
Anubisu’s open, honest face was like a spear to Rajura’s heart with the pain of another guilt. It weighed heavily on him. For several months he’d kept this awful secret from Anubisu and, even though Rajura knew it was Anubisu’s good, he disliked himself for keeping it. He kept the secret carefully to himself, not even telling Naaza about it.
He must have been silent too long or his faces showed some of his trouble because Anubisu asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You always lie.” He moved a little closer to Rajura and sniffed. Anubisu was able to tell a lot from a person’s scent, much like an animal. THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG. YOU DON’T LOOK WELL.
The mind speak was a comfort and Rajura leaned on Anubisu. He was exhausted. Too little sleep and all of it restless. If he could just get his mind sorted out he could go back to bed. MAYBE SOME SLEEP. Rajura thought back with a wiry smile. He didn’t feel well. The guilt kept building and it was becoming a heavy rock in his stomach. It was new, this guilt. I’M SURE I’M ALL RIGHT. JUST TIRED.
All through the war, where there was actual danger lurking every moment of every day, Rajura had felt no guilt. He knew, then, that he was doing the right thing for Anubisu. In the long run, it had to be done. Then, Sh’ten had died. It had hurt like a hot ice pick through the heart when Sh’ten had abandoned them to fight with the other side. Rajura hadn’t seen that coming. And during the last battle of the great war, Sh’ten had sacrificed himself to free them. Gone. He was dead, all of his power transferring to the child, Kayura.
When Sh’ten had died, Rajura realized that he didn’t know all of the future. What if he gave Anubisu back his memories and something terrible happened because of it? What if the wyrm failed to keep his part of the bargain. If he didn’t let Anubisu remember, then Anubisu was sure to go to the Ningen Sekai and his grandsire or mother would find him and the secret would be spilled, anyway.
THEN GO TO SLEEP. Anubisu easily picked up Rajura and carried him back to bed, ignoring Rajura’s admittedly weak protests. Sometimes it was nice to let someone take care of you. Anubisu wasn’t clever or subtle. He was like an animal, blunt and straightforward. Rajura relied on his guile to see him through life, even before he’d come to serve Arago. Naaza was cunning as any of his snakes, and Sh’ten had been extremely intelligent. Anubisu, however, saw no point in being clever when he could rush head-long into battle. “You seriously look like death.”
“’Nubie,” Rajura started when Anubisu started to pull up the blanket around him. “You can see the spirits of the dead, can’t you?”
“It’s part of my gift.” Anubisu didn’t necessarily like it, but it was a talent they, being dwellers of the Youja Kai, had. It wasn’t anything to do with the yoroi, but something Arago had imposed on them. Considering they were servants of a demon, Arago had thought it appropriate that they be able to deal more directly with the dead. Anubisu, having a power over the dead with his yoroi, was better at it than the rest of them and when it came to such things it was often Anubisu who would deal with the dead. “It doesn’t come up often, ‘Jura. Other than getting information for Arago, how often did any of us have to do that?”
“Did you speak with Sh’ten?”
Anubisu went still and looked more than a little ashamed. “I was afraid to. We failed him, didn’t we? He was killed because of us. I thought he’d be angry with us.”
It was as Rajura had expected. For the same reason Rajura hadn’t tried to contact Sh’ten, either. “It’s too late, now, at any rate. He’s moved on and gone. I just wondered, that’s all.”
GO TO BED. NAAZA WILL COME BY AND HELP IF YOU DON‘T.
I THINK I CAN DO WITHOUT THAT. Naaza had medicine for every occasion, but very few of them tasted good.
Naaza’s voice answered him. BUT YOU WON’T. YOU NEED SLEEP. YOU HAVEN’T SLEPT IN TWO DAYS. FOR ONCE, Naaza spoke verbally once he entered the room. “Anubisu is quite correct. You think too much.” He came to sit by Rajura’s side and leaned over to kiss him. The poisoned kiss tasted sweet and almost at once Rajura felt a wonderful lassitude seep into him. Naaza sat up and looked at Rajura, critically. “You haven’t slept since we lost Sh’ten, have you?”
He‘d tried to sleep. It just wouldn‘t come to him. “Anubisu, we need to talk. Something important.” Rajura began to feel the effects. His eyelid dropped and his arms and legs felt heavy. It was rather like the brew Mordane had made him drink. “Stay here. Don’t go hunting ‘till I wake up.”
“What kind of important something?” Anubisu asked.
“Memory. You need it.” Rajura’s eyes closed and he couldn’t find the strength to open them. “I promised. I’m sorry.” Rajura fell, once again, into a dream. Or was it a vision…?
The dream-
Wolves and tigers with cold eyes.
Twin dragon swords clashing in the dark.
Blood.
Anubisu crying.
Lovers.
Death.
Naaza holding the body of a dying Rekka.
The dream swayed away from the flashing, confused images. He saw a face as beautiful as the dawn. A divine figure pale blue eyes and a kind smile. He’d loved her, once. Then he saw the truth, her ugly nature burning through the beautiful illusion. Then she was laughing. Laughing so wildly and hysterically, that Ari went cold and turned away.
“Look at me!” Sedari commanded. “How dare you turn away!? Look at me!”
“Don’t look.” Sh’ten was there, leaning against the tree he was buried under, gazing at the river he had drowned in. “You mustn’t look at her.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Then don’t. We’re safe here. We don’t have to leave and she can’t come here. Have you looked at the water, yet?”
“The water?” Ari, now Rajura, went to stand near Sh’ten at the water’s edge. He looked down and saw Anubisu standing alone. “He hates being alone.”
“Then when are you going to end it?”
“I’ll do it. Naaza put me to sleep before I could.”
“They need to know the truth.”
“Since when are you interested in truth?”
“I’m not. You are. Oh, here comes another one.”
What Rajura saw in the water was…different.
A freckled man with a gun and blood running down the side of his face.
Shackles.
Sedari.
Rajura woke gasping for breath and it took him a moment to realize he’d woken up. It was his own room. His bedclothes were warm and there wasn’t a sound in the castle. He was safe.
“Another vision. I don’t need this.” Don’t want was closer to the truth.
Sh’ten. It was inevitable that he’d dream of Sh’ten sooner or later. Why did Sh’ten have to be connected to the vision? It didn’t bode well.
‘If I sit here and think about it, I’ll drive myself mad.’ With that thought in mind, Rajura ran his fingers over his eye patch. It was secure and that made him feel better. ‘Maybe I’m already mad. How long have they been asleep?’
On either side of him Naaza and Anubisu had fallen back asleep, looking as if they’d been asleep for hours. They looked so peaceful like that. He almost hated to wake them. But…it was time. There was no more threat from the war and Arago couldn’t hurt them anymore. Time to let Anubisu remember.
To Be Continued…