Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Where Am I and What Am I Doing Here?! ❯ Damned Mary Sues! ( Chapter 6 )

Where Am I and What Am I Doing Here?!

 

KuroTsubasaNoTenshi

 

his chapter is rated: PG-13

 

Author's Rants: I wrote the beginning page and a half of this chapter in algebra class while ignoring the teacher as she prattled on about the trip to Washington D.C. she took as a chaperone with the U.S. History II class. Needless to say, I had quite a bit of time to work on it.

 

Chapter 6: Damned Mary-Sues!

 

Early the next morning, Kate was up stirring the ashes of the previous night's fire to life. She pulled out a box of frozen (now thawed) breakfast pockets from last night's scavenging, laying most of them on a flat baking tray over the low flames. As they heated, she looked around the deserted street and wondered how long it would take to get everywhere they had to go. Kate chuckled ironically; at least there wouldn't be any traffic.

 

The food began to steam so she opened the driver's side of Fawkes and leaned heavily on the horn. Amber jumped with a small shriek and Kate grinned at her cheekily. “Good morning!”

 

Bobit's horn honked twice, signaling that Caryn and Ryo were up as well. They appeared looking half-dead and tousled. Handing them a pocket each, Kate sat next to the fire. “I went out for a bit of a recky this morning. Found my car.”

 

“Oh?” Caryn said around a mouthful of food. “What is it?”

 

“Rav 4. '99, white with black. Looks like Randy.”

 

“Is that a good thing?”

 

“Who's Randy?” Ryo asked as he reached for another breakfast-thing.

 

“My dad's car. I wonder how he and my mom are doing…”

 

Ryo blinked at the three girls who had suddenly dropped off into flashbacks that the author will mercifully leave out. “Did Talpa take them?”

 

“They don't know we're here,” Amber explained, “but they weren't taken.”

 

“Then what are you worrying about?”

 

“…” Caryn stared at him. “We don't live in Japan. We're American, you dolt, couldn't you tell? Our parents are stateside.”

 

“And they don't know you're here?! How did you manage that?!”

 

“Umm…that's a long story that you aren't going to hear.” Kate replied. “But I'm not worried about my family, really. I'm more worried about me. I'm too young to be killed by an evil dynastic overlord from the very distant past!”

 

Ryo looked heroic as he responded. “I won't let anyone kill you three!”

 

“Oh, how reassuring,” Amber said with a roll of her eyes.

 

“Yeah really.” Caryn stuffed another breakfast-thing into her mouth and stood up, speaking around it. “I guess we better go get the Rav, shift your stuff around into it and get going, eh?”

 

Kate stood as well, grabbing the last two pastry-like-whatever-you-wanna-call-its from the tray and tossing one to Amber as she scooped earth onto the fire to extinguish it as the still-mostly asleep Amber grabbed the pan and threw it in the back of Bobit with the other cooking supplies they had `liberated' from a nearby store.

 

They waited while Kate grabbed her bag and weapons and then they set off. The three girls put all their gear on and Ryo donned his subarmor, all keeping an eye on their surroundings. God forbid that the warlords get another bright idea and attack them.

 

The friends chatted as they walked, trying to keep the mood light. “You know…” Kate commented dryly, “we really have to stock up on a lot of nonperishable foods before we head out, otherwise we're gonna have to hunt our dinner down every night. I mean, I don't know about you guys but I'm not up to skinning a rabbit.”

 

“I am SO not okay with venison,” Amber replied immediately.

 

“That's deer,” Caryn sighed, “but you have a point. We'll figure something out.”

 

They didn't talk much for the remainder of the trek, and Kate sighed as they reached the Rav. Amber shivered as she looked around.

 

“I don't like this,” she muttered, rubbing at the goose bumps on her arms.

 

Kate and Caryn were instantly on guard, confusing Ryo immensely. Caryn began to question Amber as she and Kate readied their weapons. “What do you mean?”

 

“Something here doesn't feel right.”

 

“Like Talpa's cloud?”

 

“Not exactly the cloud.”

 

“But Talpa definitely?”

 

“Yeah…who else would it be? But it's not quite right.”

 

Ryo glanced at Kate, his eyebrow raised in a silent question. The girl explained as she stared into the gathering ominous fog. “Amber can tell when something is going to happen, and she can usually tell what's going to cause it. It's a sort of sixth sense, but she's really accurate. Caryn and I learned to listen to her…the hard way.”

 

“Is that why the two of you freaked out?”

 

“Better to be prepared than caught off guard. I suggest you don your armor.”

 

Ryo shrugged and held his arms out in an odd pose, shouting, “Armor of Wildfire! Dao Jin!”

 

Kate, Caryn, and Amber stared. They spoke in unison. “That was cool.”

 

“Ehehe…yeah, thanks…” Ryo blushed lightly and scratched the back of his head.

 

~**~

 

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU A STARTLING REVELATION FROM THE AUTHOR OF THIS NOT-SO-QUESTIONABLY TASTELESS FIC:

 

…I just realized that Ryo and the others met Mia and Yuli before the girls pop in and the two annoying ones die. Why doesn't he remember that they're the ones looking for him and the other Ronins, not the current searchers? Is he really that dumb? Or does he just not care enough? Or is it just that I'm too lazy to bring up that point in this not-so-questionably tasteless—hey! This is NOT a not-so-questionably tasteless fic!

 

THIS HAS BEEN A STARTLING REVELATION FROM THE AUTHOR OF THIS FIC OF QUESTIONABLE TASTE AND/OR MORALS.

 

~**~

 

Kate continued to stare. “I want one.”

 

Amber laughed. “I don't know, I'm still fond of Sandrock, myself.”

 

“Yeah,” Caryn agreed, marshaling the four into a loose square with their backs to each other. “I think I'd like a Gundam more.”

 

“Hmm…an MS army, a Gundam, or one of the armors?” Kate pondered for a moment. “I choose secret answer `D', all of the above.”

 

“Well, how does it feel to want?”

 

“Actually Caryn, not too bad.”

 

“Good, because I'd hate for you to be depressed with the forces of fucking darkness advancing up our asses.” As she spoke, at least threescore husk soldiers materialized from the surrounding gloom.

 

“Wonderful,” Ryo muttered. “I hope you girls can take care of yourselves.”

 

“Don't worry about us,” Amber replied, “We're no pushovers.”

 

Caryn's katana whipped out at an adventurous soldier who edged too close, and the battle began. Kate and Amber paired off, keeping their backs to each other, spinning and whirling their weapons and managing to fend off their attackers.

 

Ryo and Caryn freelanced, sniping around the other two and dealing a decent amount of damage between them.

 

“Motherfuckers!” Kate yelled as she gained a slash on the arm. Amber's face was bleeding from a long cut above her eye, and Caryn had accrued several bruises and cuts from her tendency to body-check the soldiers.

 

“You know,” Amber called over the sounds of battle, “this is an odd time to get `La Vie Boheme' stuck in my head.”

 

“Hate to say it Amber, but this isn't Calcutta, so I can't be an asshole,” Caryn replied as she passed by.

 

“Toyama fits too,” Kate chimed in, “Besides, what does it matter? I like being an asshole. This is Toyama, Amber…”

 

Caryn cut her off. “Bohemia is dead.”

 

“It's almost a shame we don't have a guy to sing Mark's parts. Or just the guys' in general,” Amber said, ducking a spear thrust.

 

“Sorry I don't have a good singing voice,” Ryo offered, “otherwise I'd join in.”

 

Kate paused to snicker. “You know Rent?”

 

“I have a thing for musicals, so?”

 

“So sing!” the three girls chorused.

 

~**~

 

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO ANNOY YOU SO THE AUTHOR CAN TALK AT YOU SOME MORE

 

Yes, they are about to burst into song in the middle of a battle with about 60 husk soldiers. No, they aren't mental…okay, wait, yeah they're crazy as hell. Maybe that's why they're singing. Besides, it's a fucking awesome song and YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT. *glare*

 

Anyway, it's just thrown in as a bit of a chapter filler and because I felt that this fic was becoming less random than it should be. So there. XP

 

THIS INTERRUPTION HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE AUTHOR JUST TO ANNOY YOU. DID IT WORK? WE'RE SURE IT DID.

 

~**~

 

Skipping the slow opening, Ryo launched into the next verse. “To days of inspiration, playing hooky, making something out of nothing, the need to express to communicate. To going against the grain-“

 

Kate and Amber whispered as Ryo continued to sing. “He's pretty good.”

 

“Yeah, he projects well.”

 

“And he keeps up the tempo well, too.”

 

“Do you think he has performance training? He must have some experience on stage…”

 

“I don't know.”

 

Ryo finished off the verse easily. “To Absolut- to choice- to the Village Voice- to any passing fad. To being an us for once, instead of a them!”

 

“La vie Boheme,” the three girls chimed in. “La vie Boheme.”

 

Kate and Amber separated; now all four were fighting solo against the remaining 25 soldiers. The former continued singing with Caryn. Their voices could just be heard over the sound of battle as they skipped around in the song. “To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries. To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese.”

 

Kate ducked a spear as Caryn tackled a husk soldier behind her. Amber charged by, fleeing two sword-wielding armors. “To leather, to dildoes, to curry vindaloo. To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou.”

 

Ryo's katana whirled around his body, striking soldiers and cleaving them into pieces as he and Amber picked up the song. “Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion. Creation, vacation-“

 

“Mucho masturbation,” Caryn interrupted, beating Kate to it by a second as she laughed.

 

“Compassion, to fashion, to passion- when it's new,” Ryo and Amber continued.

 

Ryo swept his blade straight across the shoulders of a soldier, leaving it headless. “To Son tag.”

 

“To Sondheim,” Amber replied.

 

“To anything taboo!” the three girls threw in.

 

“Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage,” Caryn chorused with Ryo.

 

“Lenny Bruce.”

 

“Langston Hughes.”

 

Kate cheered, “To the stage!”

 

The four friends' singing ceased then as they circled and hemmed in the remaining three husk soldiers, arguing playfully over who got one.

 

“No way, I should get one. I deserve some ass-kicking after all I've been through.”

 

“You've been through the same stuff we all have, Kate. You shouldn't get one purely on principle.”

 

“Shut up, Caryn.”

 

“I should get one just because I have the armor and can therefore kick all your asses.”

 

“I'd like to see you try that, Ryo. Do you really want to take the three of us on?”

 

“….Probably not.”

 

“Smart.”

 

“Amber, don't scare the poor boy…that's Kate's job.”

 

“Hey!”

 

Amber kindly stepped back and allowed Kate, Ryo, and Caryn to finish off the remaining three.

 

Caryn sheathed her katana and looked around with a sigh. “So what was that all about?” she asked.

 

“I'm not sure,” Kate mused. “It seemed to have no real tactical use.”

 

“Maybe they figured that you guys couldn't fight, and that they'd take you out while I fought for you?” Ryo suggested.

 

“That's possible,” Amber replied, “but pretty unlikely. First of all, Anubis has certainly gone up against Caryn and me before. Sure, he ran like a pansy, but he knows that we hold weapons, and that we know how to use them. More than likely it was just to gauge our collective strength. There's probably one of the evil people hiding somewhere around here, watching for our strengths and weaknesses.”

 

Kate blinked. “You just pulled that out of your ass, didn't you?”

 

“Only part of it,” Amber laughed. “Anubis hasn't actually fought us, but he knows Caryn and I have weapons that we can wield. That part I know for sure. I'm guessing at the rest, really, but it does make sense.”

 

~*~

 

Sekhmet had two ideas as to the destruction of the Whelp (Ryo) and his Groupies (the girls). He could kill them now while they were still in the city, or have them lead him to the others and pick them all off one at a time. Or, if the first two failed, he was formulating a third plan. He'd kidnap one or all of the girls and hold them hostage for the Ronins' lives. Sekhmet laughed a truly evil laugh. He was so brilliant.

 

Yet the sixty-plus force of husk soldiers he sent in to overpower the group was easily beaten. Not only that, the group was singing! What the hell was wrong with those freaks? It was slightly obscene how easily they dispatched his soldiers. Those girls weren't normal…a frightening thought crossed his mind. Maybe these girls were “Mary-Sues”! The fabled creation of a sick author's mind, the creatures are without any major personality flaw. They fight like experienced warriors and organize attacks and strategies like seasoned generals. Able to go from happy and carefree to serious and angsty in two seconds flat; they are the stuff of nightmares.

 

Sekhmet shuddered. God he hoped not. He had never run into a Mary-Sue, but Cale had. He terrorized the other three Warlords at their bi-weekly slumber parties with stories of the dreaded thing.

 

Sekhmet sighed and disappeared back to Never-Never Land, where he wouldn't have to grow up and move out of the nursery. Maybe he could sew Peter Pan's shadow back on, while he was at it. Yes, the Warlord of Venom liked Disney movies. So? The Whelp liked musicals…

 

After this bout of internal narration, Sekhmet got his snaky little skank-ass back to the Nether Realm in a huff.

 

So much for Plan A.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Kuro: Wow. Chapter six and no reviews.

Icchan: That's because no one but your crazy friends likes your fics, and they aren't even on mm.org.

Kuro: *sniff sniff* Nobody loves me, everyone hates me…

Icchan: Might as well go eat worms.

Kuro: Eww…worms are nasty.

Icchan: I was kidding.

Kuro: But I still wish I had reviews.

Icchan: Keep dreaming.