Rosario Vampire Fan Fiction ❯ Two Guys, A Vampire, and a Monster Academy ❯ Student Politics and Hall Monitors ( Chapter 12 )

Two Guys, a Vampire, and a Monster Academy

Disclaimer: I do not own Rosario + Vampire storyline, background, characters and similar media. Anything that sounds familiar to the readers is more then likely not mine, but originated from a source that I do not remember clearly. I may not be able to own my OC in this fiction.

Chapter 12: Student Politics and Hall Monitors

Early in the evening within the common room of the Student Dorms, both Tsukune and Lou were occupied upon the phones and kept their families up to date with their own activities at Monster Academy. It was an otherwise mundane eve of the new school semester.

“Hai (yes) Okaa-san, I did get the money. Arigato (thank you).” Tsukune spoke into the telephone receiver, paused occasionally to hear the reply of his mother on the other end of the line before he continued. “I’m doing fine here!”

“Yeah, yeah, Tsukune and I are doing alright, despite some hickups and setbacks.” Lou replied to his own mother through the telephone. “No, no, it’s nothin’ serious! Just the usual high school junk: school work, social life, yada-yada-yada ‘and all that jazz’ as Gramps put it. Nothin’ to worry about.” He paused for a moment before he interrupted. “Geeze louise! I said that I’m sorry for not callin’ more often how many times now? How many more do I need to say that I’m sorry before you’re convinced that I’m- On second thought, never mind mom, I don’t want an exact- Wait, what?......of course Tsukune and I are eatin’ well, there’s a cafeteria and we got enough food in my room- Nope, he doesn’t......Yes, I tried. At least it’s relatively edible, it’s a major improvement in my eyes-”

Suddenly, Lou was interrupted by a sudden scream of horror from Tsukune’s lips. It did not help the American’s ear drums in that the two cousins were just a phone booth away from each other. Naturally, Lou’s mother strongly insisted on a cause for the scream. “I don’t know! Aunt Kasumi probably said something embarrassin’ and Tsukune simply reacted, you know how she is!” Lou then held his tongue as he listened to another question from his mother. “Alright, I’ll ask.”

Tsukune then heard Lou’s high pitched whistle, to which he responded. “Hai, Lou-kun?”

“Mom want’s tah know if you guys are still able to come over for Christmas and New Years.”

“Aa (oh), let me ask.” Tsukune then returned to his own phone call, relayed the inquiry before he answered back. “Okaa-san and Otoo-san are able so far, but Uncle Sado and Aunt Risa may not be able to, but it’s still possible.”

“Gotcha!” Lou raised a thumb at Tsukune before he returned to his own call and repeated the information. “Yeah, I’m doin’ alright. Made friends, joined the School Newspaper, nothin’ much.....yeah, I’ll send yah a copy when I get the chance- Could you please tell Mary that I am NOT hookin’ up with the local schoolgirls! I had enough problems state side as is!” He paused for a few moments before he spoke once more. “Anyway, I gotta go now. We gotta leave early tomorrow to give out the latest issue- No, they don’t distribute it at the classes unfortunately. I don’t know, you’d have a better chance getting an answer from the cat.” The American then stopped to listen to his mother’s reply. “Yeah, I know. That’s why I said that. Anyway, I’ll talk to yah soon. Bye-”

“BOO!” The pink haired vampire, who had quietly snuck up upon the cousins when they were on the phone, suddenly exclaimed as a joke. The joke was a success as both Lou and Tsukune screamed bloody murder in response. “Did I scare you both?”

“Damned nearly gave me a heart attack, Pinkie!” Lou exclaimed just before he realized that he has not hung up the phone yet. “Calm down mom! It’s just Pinkie- I mean Moka, one of my friends here. Mom? Are you alright? You’re breathin’ right?”

“W-what are you doing down here Moka-san?!” Tsukune asked, his heart still raced from the adrenaline rush.

“Well it was time to eat so I thought I come down early.” Moka answered innocently. It was at that time that Tsukune noticed that the vampire had worn a casual dress and looked impressively cute and attractive in the attire.

“Were you and Lou-kun talking to your mothers just now?”

“Hai. Anno (well)....” Tsukune rambled.

“They sound very sweet.” Moka replied. “Someday, I’d like to go to your house and meeting your mother, Tsukune.” To which Tsukune barely passed out, attempted to control such thoughts that concerned a girl in his own room. “Or...Is that not possible, since your family and Lou’s are from another world and I’m a monster?”

“Mom, do you mind puttin’ me on speaker for a bit?” Lou began, interrupted Tsukune’s response to the vampire’s worry. Lou thanked his mother and took a deep breath before he declared, “MIKE, DONT’CHA DARE GO INTO MY ROOM!!! Seriously, what is it with you gay guys and bunk beds anyway?! Do you have any idea how WRONG it is to clean up my own brother’s and his boyfriend’s spooge?!Besides, Tsukune bunks there as well when he’s over- NO! He would definitely mind if yah do! And so would I- I am NOT puttin’ him on the phone! Just stay out of there alright?! You got your own god damned ro- Sorry mom, got carried away.” Lou apologized. “Anyway, talk to yah all soon, love yah, bye.” Lou then hung the phone and turned back to Tsukune and Moka. “Anyway, what’s the occasion Pinkie?”

“Um.....dinner?” Moka replied with her face flushed with crimson. The young vampire had yet to recover from the recent argument over the phone.

“Anyway Moka-san,” Tsukune began when he turned back to the pinkette vampire. “I’m sure that Okka-san and Otto-san would love to meet with you.”

“What date are you two talkin’ about?” The inquiry made by Lou caused the other two to blush an even deeper shade of red. “What? What did I say?”

“It’s nothing like that.” Tsukune defended, though the pinkette vampire felt a hint of disappointment. “Moka-san just stated that she would like to meet our families.”

“You sure Pinkie’ll be able to survive THAT particular encounter with mah folks mentally without sufferin’ Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome or somethin’?” Lou asked, almost in jest but mostly in caution. “I mean I know that she’s a vamp and all, but even THEY have limits.”

“Give theme some credit, Lou-kun, they’re not that bad.”

Lou paused, with a look of disbelief upon his face. “You sure we’re talkin’ about the same group of people?”

“Yeah, sorry, wishful delusion.”

“Can’t say I blame yah.” Lou then turned towards Moka. “Anyway, let’s get us some chow.” Moka nodded and the trio then headed towards the dormitory cafeteria for the evening meal. Unbeknownst to the cousins, Moka had heard the earlier mention of a Christmas visit between the two and mentally stored the information.

“You know,” Tsukune began as the two had sat down with their dinner at one of the many tables of the cafeteria. “It’s kind of like everything so far is going too well for me. I’m almost scare- itai!”

“Are you TRYIN’ to jinx us?!” Lou exclaimed as he pulled back his right hand that had just slapped the back of the head of his own cousin. “We’re walkin’ on egg shells as is!”

“Despite our ‘problem’,” Tsukune argued back. “We’re still able to not only survive, but get to know Moka-san, Kurumu-chan, and the others. Now I’m glad that we went to Monster Academy, don’t you?” Moka, while she listened to the exchanged, blushed from Tsukune’s words.

“Careful about what you say, Couz’,” Lou warned. “There’s still two more semesters and two more years ahead of us.”

“I’m sure everything will be fine. And we’ll be having lots of fun times and share many memories with Moka-san and the others until graduation.” Tsukune then turned back to Moka. “Tadashii (right), Moka-san?”

Moka paused for a moment before she replied. “Hai, the both of you will do fine. Everything will work out.” The vampire smiled.

“Yeah, knock on wood.” Lou then rapped his knuckles against the surface of the table. “This is real wood, right?”

“Like Moka-san said, everything will work out.” Tsukune reassured his cousin. “And everyone will love the Summer Break issue of the newspaper.”

“Hai!” Moka recalled. “It’ll really be great if everyone read the latest issue and be inspired!”

“Not hungry Pinkie?” Lou then drew direction towards Moka’s still filled tray of dinner items.

“Hai, it’s not a good idea to eat so light when there’s much to do tomorrow.” Tsukune added.

“For some reason, I don’t have much of an appetite. Maybe I’m not feeling too well?” This statement drew the attention of the cousins.

“Daijoobu desu ka (are you okay), Moka-san?” Tsukune asked with concern.

“Maybe you should just skip class and just take a rest? You might have caught somethin’ during the trip.” Lou advised.

Moka then realized just why she had felt so lethargic as of late. “Sou ka (I see), it’s because I haven’t feed upon either of you in so long a time!” Tsukune nearly slammed his head against the table in shock while Lou slapped his own forehead.

“You know, we REALLY shouldn’t be surprised about this by now.” Lou groaned. Some time later, after a rather tense and thrilling game of Rock, Papers, Scissors between the cousins, it was decided that Lou should donate his blood to the bank of Moka Akashiya. Naturally, and unsurprisingly, the American found the experience to be uncomfortable and painful as his howls echoed into the evening.

Early in the morning, the Newspaper Club had assembled their tables before the school gate and prepared to distribute the latest edition of the school newspaper.

“Extra! Extra! Read all about it!” Lou called out as he waved a folded up copy of the newspaper in the air to attract attention. “Special Summer Break Edition! Featuring a detailed account of the Newspaper Club’s exploits in the Human World!”

“Please take a copy!”Moka offered an issue to a passing student, who accepted. “Arigato (thank you)!”

Soon enough, there were lines of students that awaited their own copy of the latest edition of the school newspaper. Several were amazed from the fact that the Newspaper Club were given permission to enter the human world. The majority, particularly the male student population, had more ulterior motives as the idols of Monster Academy were but a breath away and would take the excuse to simply be near them.

“Sugoi (wow)!” Tsukune exclaimed. “We’re barely keeping up with the demand!”

“You do know ‘why’, right Couz’?” Lou asked Tsukune in English.

“What do you mean?” Tsukune replied in English.

“Do the math. We have here three of the more popular femme fatales upon campus, four if you include them lolicons among us. Gettin’ the paper is simply an excuse to get close to ‘em, or did yah forget how extremely pissed off they are at us just for bein’ near em?”

“Iie (no), I haven’t-” Tsukune began.

“And speaking of lolicons, it’s your turn to keep em at bay from Sabrina here.” The American then handed his cousin a folded up chair.

“Nani (what)?! Why me? It’s your turn anyway!”

“Oi! I donated blood last night, the least you could do is this!”

“That’s only because you lost!” Tsukune argued back. Off in the distance, the Newspaper Club president was occupied with his own copy of the newspaper.

A few minutes have past and Ginei finally decided to approach his Newspaper Club to inquire upon their current progress.

“Half of the copies have already been given away!” The pinkette vampire answered. “It makes me feel so happy!”

“Why don’t you help us out with handing out the newspaper Gin-sempai?” Tsukune offered.

“No way, boring work is for underlings- ACK!!!” The werewolf soon found his left ear in the hands of an annoyed Louis, once again.

“No, ‘boring’ work is for those who want to keep their ear lobes.” The American threatened.

“D-demo (but) I’m the Club Presi- ITAI! I’ll help! I’ll help!” Gin agreed after a half-twist incentive from Lou.

“Glad that you’re in such a charitable mood, Horn Dog.” Lou replied just after he freed Gin’s ear from torture.

“He’s only interested in perverted stuff, like a stray dog in heat ~Desu.” Yukari joked. “One would really have to force Horn Dogu-sempai to really work ~Desu.”

“No argument from moi here.”

Gin then marched up to the young witch and poked her in her chest. “Says the flat-chested girl who’s only good at bad mouthing people.”

“Chotto (hey), I’m famous for my flat-chestedness ~Desu!” Yukari deafened.

“Among the lolicons at least.” Lou added.

“Well then how about I rub that chest of yours and help you grow a better rack?” The werewolf offered.

“Three, two, one and,” Lou paused for a moment when he heard the familiar sound of metal impacting skull. “Just like clockwork.”

“Geeze, you think he would have learned by now!” Kurumu complained.

“It is not life as we know it.” Lou joked, however before anyone else would respond, a commotion was heard from the group. They turned their attention towards a group of students that wore black attire that gave off a sinister aura as they approached the Newspaper Club.

“Yabai (crap), it’s the Black Suits.” Gin cursed once his senses gathered enough to understand the threat before the club.

“‘Black Suits’?” Lou questioned.

“Who are they?” Tsukune asked as well.

The group of black attire students then stopped before the stand. The presumed leader then greeted with a polite bow. “Aisatsu (salutations)...! I am Kuyou, manager of the Public Safety Commission. It is a pleasure to meet your acquaintance.”

“The who?” Lou arched an eyebrow before he shook his head. “Whatever, would you like a newspaper?” The American offered, only to find the issue burst into flames. In a panic, Lou threw the combusted article to the ground and stamped out the flames. “Yah know, a simple ‘no’ would have sufficed.”

“So you’re the ones in charge of keeping the peace of the school? Is there anything we can-” Moka was interrupted when Gin raised an arm before the vampire. “Gin-sempai?”

“I have already looked over this issue and, though the writing is excellent and well done, there is one issue that disturbs me: Who gave you permission to distribute this materiel upon school grounds? We have not inspected the articles within!” Kuyou demanded.

“Alright, for the first question, the faculty pretty much gave us permission. Seein’ as that we’re workin’ on the ‘school paper’ and all. And the inspection thing isn’t your job.” The statement caused many gasps from the crowd and Gin in particular while it simply frustrated many of the Public Safety Commission members. “That would be our club advisor, Miss Nekonome’s job. And if she, a member of the Academy Faculty, has no objections to the articles then common sense should dictate that it should be suitable to the student body, correct?”

“It shouldn’t be that surprising that a gaijin like yourself would not understand how our school operates. However, it still cannot be forgiven that it causes much problems with us?!” Kuyou exclaimed. “When a gang such as you selfishly it wants and disturbs the peace and order of this academy! Don’t you understand?! We’re the only force that is keeping the peace here! If you want to do any more of these ‘activities’ the you should get permission from the Public Safety Commission without fail!”

“First of all, we’re not a ‘gang’ as you accuse us. We’re a club.” Lou corrected. “And second, I’m still not hearin’ a clear response to my question earlier. If the faculty, who mind you have a higher say-so then a student, have no problems with the newspaper then why should you guys?”

“As the manager of the Public Safety Commission, guardians of peace and order within Monster Academy, it is because I say so!”

“Yeah, that’s a REAL solid fuckin’ answer right there.” Lou countered. “‘Because I say so’? Please! If a parent can’t get THAT to work on a teenager, what makes you think it’ll work with you?”

“If you want to make it any more difficult, fine. We can do this the hard way.” Kuyou then snapped his fingers, an action that signaled the other members of the Public Safety Commission posse to tear up the stand.

“Yamete (stop it)! We’re only passing out newspapers!” Kurumu approached the posse despite Gin’s protest, only to find that her right wrist is bound by a strange, sticky thread that was spat out by one of the female members.

“It appears that the Newspaper Club is filled with low-lifes, as always.” The female member scorned.

“Take’s one to know one.” Lou countered.

“What was that?!” The female member demanded.

“Let me repeat myself: It takes a low-life to know a low-life. Isn’t that correct, little ol’ Widow Peak?”

“OLD?!”

“L-Lou-kun?” The succubus felt the pinch of emotional hurt and betrayal. “How could you?”

The American then leaned towards Kurumu and whispered. “Pamela, shut UP! I’m tryin’ to win an argument for yah!” He then turned back towards the female member. “So what’s the answer? Is she a low-life and thus you are one as well for recognizin’ one or is she not?”

The female member growled before she spoke once again. “Defending a stupid and indecent looking girl. It appears that the Newspaper Club hasn’t changed at all since last year.”

“Last year?” Tsukune repeated, which caused the werewolf to go silent.

“If none of you wish for this ‘incident’ to escalate any more than it has, then I suggest that request our permission next time.” Kuyou warned.

“Right, whatever ‘Dot Brow’.” Lou waved the group off.

“Nani (what)?!”

“Yeah, what’s left of your eyebrows. What, you were too high to finish the job of shavin’ your eyebrows off or somethin’?” A few of the bystanders dared to silently giggle. “Here’s a fashion tip: Let ‘em grow.”

Before any of the Public Safety Commission could respond to the American’s jest, Shizuka Nekonome had appeared upon the scene. “Is there something the matter?” The teacher almost innocently inquired.

“It’s not worth our time.” Kuyou ordered his posse to retreat for the moment, not wishing to attract the attention of the Academy Faulty. When it was seen that there was not much to do that warrant the intervention of an Academy teacher, Nekonome left the scene as well.

When the Public Safety Commission were out if sight and earshot, Lou then rolled up a newspaper and began to physically abuse Tsukune’s skull. “Why didn’t you stop me?! Do you have any idea how bad that could have turned out if Teach here didn’t show up? Didn’t you care that we’re family? Am I not worth protectin’?!”

“Itai (ow)! Yamete! Lou-kun, onegai!!” Tsukune pleaded.

“It wasn’t wise to provoke them in the first place, Lou-kun.” Gin advised. “Though they may have been formed by the Academy with the best of intentions to keep the monster population from being out of control, they’ve become corrupt and abusive of the powers given to them and devolved into nothing more then a gang of thugs. I guess the closest description for you is that they’re a more aggressive, militant version of Hall Monitors.”

“Hall Monitors?” Lou questioned. “There’s no fuckin’ way they’re Hall Monitors. They don’t even look the part! No suspenders! No pocket protectors! Not even geeky-lookin’ glasses!”

“You mean that they’re the Academy Student Police?” Tsukune inquired, but then a though wormed itself into his mind. “Wait, this was the first time I ever seen them.”

“That’s because they don’t DO anything.” Gin answered. “They’re only en-force if someone does something that they don’t agree with. When they said that we needed their permission, they want us to pay them off.”

“I can’t believe that they’re getting away with something like that!” Moka exclaimed with shock and disbelief.

“It’s beyond our control.” Gin advised. “We don’t to anger them any more then we’ve already have. We’ll have to burn all of the copies in order to appease them.”

“Burn them all?!” Kurumu yelled out.

“But we’ve already handed out half of them already.” Mizore added.

“I don’t care, we gotta burn them all! We gain nothing from picking a losing battle with them, so it’s best not to get involved with old fights- ITAI!!” Gin found his ear in the twisted hold of the American, again.

“Speakin’ of ‘old fights’, you mind enlightenin’ us with the history of this club of ours? Particularly that of the previous year or did you have a reason not to?” Lou almost threatened.

“I was gonna tell you guys, I swear!” The werewolf defended while in pain. Unbeknown to the rest of the Newspaper Club, their activities were observed by a hostile pair of eyes.

“What a loser!” Kurumu complained as the group ate their lunches at one of the outdoor dining tables. “Gin-sempai isn’t even thinking like a man! And why is he the first to leave, again?!”

“No complaints here.” Lou agreed.

“Hai, not very reliable ~Desu.” Yukari added as she hugged his left arm.

“Mind the personal space, Sabrina.” The American gently pushed the little witch away and off his arm.

“If he doesn’t have the backbone to do it, then I’ll distribute the newspaper myself if I have to!” Kurumu declared. “We don’t have to burn them all!”

“For one thing, they’re technically recyclable.”

“Burning them isn’t ecologically sound anyway ~Desu!” The little witch added as she latched onto Lou’s arm yet again.

“Again, personal space.” Lou gently pushed Yukari off his arm once more.

“Demo, Gin-sempai probably has good reason for us to do this.” Moka reasoned in another attempt to keep the peace within the group.

“No way! His head is too full of perverted thoughts!”

“Never spoke a purer truth from your lips, Pamela.” Lou complimented.

“Chotto, we should just calm down and-” Moka’s plea was interrupted when Kurumu embraced Tsukune into her bosom.

“Fine then, I won’t ask for YOUR help Moka-san.” The succubus then turned her attention towards the American’s cousin. “Let’s go Tsukune-kun.”

“Kurumu-chan!” Moka exclaimed.

“And what makes you think that you can do it alone, boob monster?” Mizore teased, an action which caused the succubus to grow frustrated.

“That’s right! That girl must have hit a bulls eye when she said that you were all boobies and no brains ~Desu!” Before either the yuki onna nor the little witch knew what happened, they both received swift and powerful knocks to their skulls from the bluenette.

Kurumu hmphed and dragged Tsukune with her. Lou then sighed and turned towards the vampire. “Pinkie, you might as well take them two to the Infirmary. I’ll keep an eye on our now hot blooded succubus comrade here.”

“Lou-kun?” Moka questioned, but the American left before he offered a reply.

“Tsukune-kun, even if its just the two of us, let’s do our best at handing out the newspaper, ookee?” Kurumu asked Tsukune with the box of newspapers in her arms.

“I think we should go back with everyone else.” Tsukune advised. “We should talk this over.”

“Iie, it’s not my fault that they’re afraid of a bunch of Student Police.”

“We should at least talk about this with Gin-sempai.”

“The Horn Dog does need to explain himself after all.” Lou finally caught up with the duo.

“Lou-kun!” Kurumu and Tsukun exclaimed.

“Someone’s gotta keep an eye on the two of you.” Lou explained. For some strange reason, the feeling of both Tsukune and Lou alone with her made the succubus excited and glad. “Especially you, Pamela.”

And like the autumn leaves blown within the wind, so did Kurumru’s warm and fuzzy feeling. “Nani?”

“Well one of us has to be the wise one to drag the rest into retreat.” Before the American could get a response, the box of newspapers that was within Kurumru’s grasp was violently taken away by sticky threads. Pulled towards the conjurer herself, the Public Safety Commission female member that had jested the succubus earlier that morning. “Seriously, what’s with you and the loogies, Widow Peak?”

“It’s Kaito!” The female member corrected from her suspended rope of thread high amongst the trees. “And it would appear that none of you wish to be good little students. Nothing but foolishness, Newspaper Club. It now falls upon me to crush you here and now once and for all!”

“Since when did we find ourselves in some poorly written manga?” The American scratched his head in confusion, though some would believe that it was in jest. Kaito then slid down a thread and stood before the school incinerator.

“Damare (stop)! Why are you doing this?” Tsukune demanded. “Why are you treating us like enemies? We didn’t do anything-”

“It’s too late for apologies, or perhaps you didn’t know...?” Kaito smirked. “We have observed the Newspaper Club from last year and long before, they were a threat to the Public Safety Commission. The previous members of the Newspaper Club last year had delusions of grandeur, foolishly believing that they could change the academy themselves with their newspaper. For whatever ‘reason’ they had, they used their newspaper articles to unjustly criticize us. It forced our hand to purge that club to the brink of folding!” Both Tsukune and Kurumu were shocked from the information given to them. “This academy is a maelstrom of various monster species and it has only remained safe for all due to the control of the Public Safety Commission! The Newspaper Club, though through its ignorance oppose us deserves to be destroyed! ”

“Wow....” Lou stood there, almost amazed. “You know, all you needed was a leather seat and a Persian Cat and you’d fit the profile of a Bond villain perfectly! You even did your own monologue.”

“How dare you mock me?!”

“And protectors of the peace? Please! You haven’t done squat since I’ve been here!” Lou continued. “Where were you when one of our friends was assaulted by a bully who would have no doubt raped her if we hadn’t helped her? Where were you when a defenseless little girl was about to be eaten alive by her own classmates just for being different? Or what about when Ishigami turned all those girls to stone for her private collection, were you bunch just twitting your thumbs? Fuck, there’s even a guy spray paintin’ a dick on the wall just behind you and you’re letting him get away with it!”

“Nani?!” Kaito turned around to find the offender the American had pointed out. However, upon the observation that there was none that defaced school property and the sounds of foot steps that quickly approached her did she realize the ruse but not soon enough as the box was taken from her arms by Lou himself.

“Hehe! Too easy!” Lou chuckled as he walked back to Kurumu and Tsukune, who were still shocked at how easy Kaito had fallen for such a trick.

Tsukune was the first to recover and plead with the Public Safety Commission officer. “Onegai! We have absolutely no intentions of fighting you! We have done nothing to be attacked by you, so please let us continue our club activities like normal! Just leave the Newspaper Club alone!”

“..leave you....alone....?” Keito’s eyebrows twitched just moments before she shot out a sticky thread that captured the box of newspapers and ripped them from the American’s arms.

“Hey! That’s cheating!” Lou complained.

“Watch your mouth!” Keito lifted the box of newspapers in the air, ready to throw them into the incinerator. “Who do you think you’re talking to you brats?!”

“Wait!” Lou interrupted. “Before you do anything rash, answer me this: does Dot Brow have any girlfriends or something?”

“His name is Kuyou, get his name right! And what does THAT have anything to do with this?!” Keito inquired fiercely.

“Then explain to me why he’s locking lips with a first year girl?” Lou pointed out.

“Wow, he doesn’t look like a bad kisser at all!” Kurumu added. It was enough evidence to Keito to turn her head away from the trio, once more she learned too late that she was tricked again when Lou took the box away from her.

“Twice! Hahahahaha!” Lou laughed out loud, joined by the succubus’ triumphant face.

“It sure didn’t take a lot to fool her!” Kurumu giggled.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Lou-kun, even if it was funny.” Tsukune advised behind poorly controlled laughs.

“Of course it was funny! Did you see the look on her face?! Granted, it was just half of her face, but did you see her face?!” Those words from the American had only increased the anger and frustration within Kaito. Then Lou turned back towards the Public Safety Commission. “Alright, I’m sorry that I pulled them jokes on yah. Here, why don’t I give this back to yah?”

Kaito then reached out her own hands to grab the box the American offered. “At least you are reasonable enough to-” All she grasped onto was thin air when Lou pulled the box out of her reach.

“Psych! Bwahahahahahahaha!!” Lou laughed heartily as he turned back towards the duo. “Thrice! That’s three fuckin’ times now!”

“I ca- I can’t breath!” Tsukune could barely stand upon his two feet. “Too funny!”

Finally, Kaito snapped as she conjured a sticky thread that latched onto the box and, in one fluid motion, ripped the accursed article from the Amercan’s arms and into the incinerator. Clearly, the monster girl did not take to the jokes well.

“Kyaa! The newspapers!” The succubus exclaimed.

“Talk about a sore loser! And here I was havin’ fun too.” Lou complained. Then Kaito spat out three sticky threads that wrapped themselves around the trio’s wrists. “Oi! You know how unsanitary THAT is?!”

“You think the three of you could do that to me and get away with it?!” Kaito exclaimed.

“Well kind-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” Lou, Tsukune, and Kurumu soon found themselves flung against the trunk of a tree, the breath knocked out of their lungs. Then the American found himself flung into the refuge heap like so much trash while the succubus and his cousin were bound by sticky threads. “Uncle.....” He wheezed out due to the suddenness and pain.

“Lou-kun!” Both Tsukune and Kurumu struggled from their bonds in an attempt to save the American as Kaito approached him.

“No, no, no.” Kaito taunted them both. “If you want me to release you, you will have to be far more obedient. But you!” She then turned back to Lou. “You will pay for what you did to me!” From underneath her shirt, spider-like legs began to emerge.

“W-wait a second!” Lou squeaked out of fear. “Y-you can’t change into your true form! You said that you guys enforced the Academy Rules-”

“The Public Safety Commission is exempt from such rule, if it meant the protection of the academy’s peace and order.” Kaito explained as her body morphed and revealed that she was, in fact a Jorougumo, a spider-like monster.

“Figures....That’s fuckin’ fair....” Lou groaned before his arachniphobia took hold of his rational mind once again as Kaito spun her webbing around the American to ensure that he could not escape.

“Don’t even think of struggling, you cannot escape this web of mine.” the spider woman threatened as her mouth disfigured into insect-like mandibles. “You will all see the fate of those who defy us, and ESPECIALLY those who make fools of us when I suck all of your bodily fluids!”

“Eeeek! Plan B!” Lou squealed as he reflexively and swiftly kicked his leg into Kaito’s crotch. “OW! Motha Fucker!” He yelped in pain as Kaito collapsed from the pain of impact in such a sensitive area.

“Lou-kun!” Moka appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, as she pushed Kaito’s still recovering spider body off of the American and sent the Jorougumo a good distance away from the group. “Are you all alright?” The vampire asked in concern.

“What the fuck is her cunt made out of, adamantium? Shit, I think I fuckin’ fractured all of my leg bones!” Lou cursed in pain.

Kaito coughed as she forced herself upon her spider legs to see the vampire try to free the American. “How dare you!” She gasped.

“If it’s any consolation, I think I’ll be limpin’ for the rest of the fuckin’ semester!” Lou shot back before Kaito spun webbing that entangled the right arm of the pink headed vampire.

“You scum! To raise your hand against the Public Safety Commission warrants the death penalty!” Kaito raised a spider leg, ready to impale the vampire. Moka screamed in terror as both Tsukune and Kurumu yelled out in vain. The leg then struck the back of Lou, heavily wounded him in addition to sever the webbing that bonded his arms together.

“L-Lou!” Moka cried out as the American collapsed against her frame with one hand upon the rosario. “Why did you take that hit for-”

“Actually, I was tryin’ to push the both of us away...” Lou hissed in pain. “Didn’t work out too well obviously.” Then he yanked the silver cross from its chain before he collapsed into her arms. “Alright, nighty night time for me....”

“You brats! How far will you go to defy me?!” Kaito exclaimed in fury to find that the pink headed Moka had transformed into her silver haired true form. Due to the awe and terror that flowed through her body and mind, the Jorougumo realized that the released vampire was still bounded to her by her webbing. With a devilish grin upon her arachnid face, she yanked upon the webbing to bring the vampire close to her for a deadly blow.

To her horror, Inner Moka did not move a centimeter. “Nani?!”

“How dare you do this to Louis!” Moka growled. “You dare harm them and EXPECT to get away with it?!”

“M-matte (wait), I was wrong!” Kaito pleaded. “To raise your hand against us will only bring the rest of the Newspaper Club into deeper trouble! I’m sure I will let you walk away from this-” The Jorougumo was unable to complete her offer as Inner Moka pulled Kaito towards her close enough to deliver a powerful kick to the monster girl. Kaito then landed unceremoniously into the trash heap.

“You are wrong. Putting your hand on me will not allow you to walk away. Now know your place.” Inner Moka lectured before she turned and freed Tsukune and Kurumu.

“Moka-san.” Tsukune explained.

“We still need to bring your cousin to the Infirmary.” Inner Moka advised before she carried Lou in her arms.

“But mommy, I don’t wanna wear a bonnet, I’m a boy.....” Lou complained in his pain-induced delirium. The words caused the two monster girls to look upon the American with confused looks before the turned towards Tsukune.

“Do you care to explain that?” Inner Moka asked.

“It’s a vow of secrecy.” Tsukune answered.

Next time on Two Guys, a Vampire, and a Monster Academy: The Public Safety Commission and the Newspaper Club square off in a confrontation that will- oh who am I kidding? We all know how it’ll end.

Or do we?

As always, flames and brutally honest reviews will not be tolerated.