Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ A Walk in the Sunlight ❯ The Road to Understanding ( Chapter 17 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer - Sadly, I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. It is the sole property of Nobuhiro Watsuki and the many companies who have purchased the rights.

Hi all, please forgive the extreme lateness of this chapter. I never meant to take this long to get this up but for some reason this chapter was very difficult to write. I can honestly say this chapter drained me dry over the last couple of weeks. Thank you very much for your patience.

And now, I have some bad news.. this chapter will likely be the last until the beginning of August. I'm going on a much needed vacation to see my best friend/beta in a couple of weeks and probably won't start the next chapter until after that. Now that's not set in stone but I think the muse needs a break for a little bit before we tackle the next chapter.

So with all that said, onto the chapter. I hope you will find it was worth the wait.

Chapter 17 - The Road to Understanding

Kaoru stumbled gratefully into the peaceful sanctuary of her hospital room and quickly slid the door closed in an effort to keep the demons clawing at her sanity from following. Gasping softly to catch her breath, she leaned heavily against the cool metal and tilted her head back, fighting the tears threatening to spill from her eyes as she tried in vain to quiet the painful throb that had materialized in her chest halfway up the stairs. So this was it. This was how it was all going to end. Like some twisted fairytale where the princess' happy ending had, in one single moment, been ripped out from underneath her and turned into her worst nightmare.

Biting down hard on her lower lip to keep from vomiting, Kaoru pushed off the door and padded softly across the pale green floor. Sagging heavily onto the edge of the bed, she swallowed in an effort to calm her roiling stomach and stared blindly out over the shield dulled lights of the city as she wrapped herself into a tight ball. But why did it have to be like this? Why did he have to... to tell her... that?

Involuntarily shivering at the thought, she shook her head and fought back the panic trying to rise up to choke her again. It couldn't be true. Even if... even if he said it was true, there was just no way he was... a vampire. For kami's sake they weren't even real, they couldn't be real!

And yet, deep down she knew that what he claimed was true. The signs she desperately wished she could ignore had been there all along if she'd only opened her eyes. His strange eyes, his lack of an appetite, even the many times he'd had a glass of tea at hand. He never really drank the tea, only wet his lips as if he enjoyed the taste but she'd never seen him actually drink from the glass. Not once. But she had never questioned him, subconsciously afraid of what his answer might be.

Snorting half-heartedly, she sagged even further into a ball and dropped her forehead to her knees. But none of that mattered anymore, did it? He was what he was, a cold blooded killer feeding off the lives of others in order to keep his unholy life from fading... and she loved him. A shiver of self-disgust flowed through her body as her heart clenched painfully, the thought nearly taking her breath away. How could she have let herself fall in love with a creature such as him?

A lifeless smile touched her lips as she felt the tears she'd managed to keep at bay starting to slip silently from the corner of her eyes. It didn't matter how she'd let it happen, all that mattered was that she did, and now she was left as she'd always feared she would be. Broken and alone. It was ironic really, she'd fought so hard to harden her heart against this and in the end she'd been taken down by none other than a creature who could live forever if he so chose, enjoying the life she longed to have.

Inhaling shakily, she sniffled back the tears and swallowed down the lump trying to choke her. She wanted to hate him. God, how she wanted to hate him but the sad thing was, she couldn't. Because even though she knew what he was, she couldn't reconcile that evil thing with the man she knew. They were too different.

The soft grating of her door being opened broke into her thoughts and Kaoru immediately tensed, ruing the lack of a lock. Refusing to even glance up, she clenched her good hand into a tight fist and willed him to go away with a fiber of her being. She may not hate him, but she wasn't ready to see him again either. All she wanted was to be left alone to try to figure out just how she was supposed to move on from here.

The spot between her shoulder blades began to itch and she tensed even more as several extremely long moments passed with no sound or movement from the person standing just inside the door. Pinching her eyes closed tight, she silently begged whatever entity was listening to somehow make him go away. She couldn't face him yet. But much to her dismay her unwanted guest inhaled as if preparing to speak and then the stifling silence was finally broken.

"Please forgive the intrusion. I know you are hardly in the mood to discuss this, but I believe there are a few things I may be able to help you understand concerning what you were just told."

Caught completely off guard by the distinctly feminine voice, Kaoru snapped her head up and swung her attention to the door behind her. She gasped softly when her eyes fell on the well-dressed, raven haired woman standing patiently before the door. For several moments she simply stared at the woman, absently taking note of her polished fingernails, of how her long black hair seemed to shimmer even in the subdued light. Of the casual ease with which she stood waiting to be acknowledged. And then she inhaled sharply as her attention finally came to rest on the woman's face, or more importantly, her eyes. Shivering at the ice that slid through her veins, Kaoru tried to fight off the panic tightening her gut and quietly stated, "You are... one of... them."

The woman smiled warmly. "Yes, I am. But not because I chose to be."

For some unknown reason Kaoru found herself relaxing at the woman's easy smile, the action seeming to lessen the harshness of her strange eyes and extremely pale skin. Almost like Kenshin. Frowning slightly at the thought of him, she quickly shoved him out of her mind and instead unfolded until she was sitting completely on the bed facing the strange woman. "What do you mean?"

The woman's smile widened somewhat, but instead of answering she asked, "Do you mind if I sit down?"

Kaoru's eyes flew wide at her lack of manners and she blushed furiously as she nodded, waving the woman to the chair beside the bed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to leave you standing there." Smiling sheepishly, she whispered, "To be honest I wasn't expecting... you..."

The woman inclined her head in understanding and silently made her way across the room. Slightly unnerved by the complete lack of sound as the woman moved, Kaoru found her earlier ease slipping slightly. Scoffing at herself, she shook off the twinge of fear tightening her chest and waited patiently for her guest to settle down. She was surprised when, instead of taking the offered seat, the woman stopped just short of the chair. And then she smiled, "Before we continue I think it would be best if I first introduced myself." Dropping a small bow in greeting she announced, "My name is Takani Megumi."

Thoroughly embarrassed by her second oversight, Kaoru flushed an even deeper shade of red and bowed the best she could, "Kamiya Kaoru."

"I know, Kenshin has spoken quite highly, and often, of you," Megumi said with a faint smile. Kaoru winced as his name dropped from her lips and she was just about to ask if they could not talk about him just yet when Megumi spoke up again. "For what it's worth, he never meant to hurt you, he just... doesn't always think far enough ahead when it comes to those he cares about. And unfortunately he has a penchant for falling for humans which doesn't help much either as most fear and hate our kind."

Kaoru did her best to ignore the stab of guilt that hit perilously close to her heart and breathed softly, "I don't hate him. Even if he is a monster, I don't..." And then her eyes flew wide and she flushed a bright red again when she realized what she'd inadvertently said. "Oh! I didn't mean..."

Megumi chuckled lightly. "It's okay. You're right, we are monsters but one thing you don't understand yet is that Kenshin is no longer like the rest of us. He has, through more pain and sacrifice than anyone should have to endure, managed to regain some of his lost humanity." Smiling sadly, Megumi exhaled softly and added, "Although to me the price was too high."

Kaoru quirked an eyebrow, confused by the seemingly conflicting information. Absently rubbing her forehead, she sighed wearily, this was getting to be too much to take in all at once. At this rate she was going to lose what little bit of sanity she'd managed to salvage. Smiling ruefully at the thought, she forced her overtaxed mind to at least, attempt to grasp what Megumi meant. When it balked at the treatment, she finally gave in and asked, "What do you mean he's not like you? Are there different kinds of vampires?"

Megumi smirked and shook her head. "No. We are all the same except for Kenshin. We all have to kill to survive and we all have to live in the darkness, forever banned from the sun. But Kenshin is no longer bound by that life. He no longer has to feed... or hide from the sun. He's the closest to human a vampire can get."

Kaoru narrowed her eyes slightly, now even more confused. Closest to human...? What -? And then she inhaled sharply as her eyes flew wide, the truth she'd forgotten earlier rising up to slap her in the face. Megumi was right, Kenshin could go into the sun. She knew that for a fact. How could she have forgotten that! And then everything he'd said came together in her head and she instantly paled. "You mean... what he meant was that he wanted to make me into a creature... like...him?"

When nothing but silence met her question, Kaoru felt her earlier calm start to slip away. Clenching her good hand into a white knuckled fist, she demanded, "Is that what he meant when he said he could give me the sun!?"

Megumi remained quiet, unfazed by her outburst, and simply fixed her with a probing gaze as if she was gauging how much information she should reveal. Quickly losing what little bit of patience she still had, Kaoru bit back a growl of frustration and was on the verge of asking again when Megumi finally seemed to come to a decision and admitted, "Yes. That is what he wishes to do, if you will allow him to."

Kaoru felt the world fall out from underneath her as the blood drained from her face; the truth stealing her breath away. At a complete loss for what to say, she could only stare wide-eyed in horror at the woman before her. So, he would... turn her into a killer... just to give her the sun? She shivered as an icy chill raced through her body at the thought and she flung her good hand over her mouth to keep her dinner from coming back up as her stomach clenched painfully. Kami, what was he thinking!

"Be thankful he's giving you a choice. The idiot that changed me didn't even bother to do that." Megumi said softly, misinterpreting her shocked look.

Stunned by the seeming ignorance of the woman before her, Kaoru clenched her fist again, and valiantly tried to keep her temper... to no avail. The last of her patience gave way beneath the strain, to be replaced by an almost overwhelming anger and she shouted, "I don't care if he's giving me a choice or not! What would make him think that I'd agree to be a monster just so I could have the sun!? I will not kill just to have that!"

Megumi recoiled in shock, her eyes widening in confusion. "But... you won't have to kill..." she stated softly, "I told you, Kenshin doesn't need to feed anymore. His body feeds off of the constantly renewing cells of his own blood. If you allow the change, you will be like him, not us."

Startled out of her anger, Kaoru's breath caught in her throat as what she'd missed earlier slowly became clear. Wearily rubbing her forehead, she wilted under the incredible weight of everything she'd been told. "You mean... he doesn't have to drink people's blood anymore to survive?" She questioned, desperately needing clarification. If that was true then... maybe... he wasn't the monster she thought he was.

Megumi gave her a genuine smile and shook her head. "No. He hasn't had to do that in nearly a hundred and fifty years. His life is now sustained by his own blood as it was before he was changed."

A wave of relief swept through Kaoru and she sagged bonelessly against her pillows. "Why didn't he tell me this before?" she mumbled softly, absently wiping at the tears of stress wetting the corners of her eyes.

Megumi sighed. "Because he didn't want to risk losing you and he wasn't confident that you would want to remain in his company if you knew what he was." With a sly smile she asked, "Tell me, would you have accepted him if he'd told you about this before tonight?"

Kaoru narrowed her eyes, irritated by what the smirking woman implied. Of course she would have! For Kami's sake, she loved the man! But just as she was about to wipe the smug grin off her visitor's face she was stopped dead by an almost overwhelming sense of guilt. Hissing softly under her breath, she dropped her eyes to avoid the knowing gaze fixed on her and scowled at the truth. Deep down she knew that if Kenshin had come to her before with this story she would have done the same thing she had tonight. She would have turned her back on him, never giving him the chance to explain.

Sickened by her lack of faith in him, Kaoru frowned and decided it was time to change the subject. "Why don't you have fangs? I thought vampires were supposed to have fangs."

Megumi's smirk grew into a full blown smile at her obvious attempt to evade the question but instead of pressing the issue she simply replied, "We do. But only those who focus on looking for them will see them."

Relieved to be let off the hook, Kaoru mouthed a silent 'Oh' and flicked her eyes to the area where said fangs were hidden behind a pair of full lips in a vain hope of somehow catching a glimpse of them.

"Would you like to see them?"

Surprised, Kaoru blushed fiercely at being caught and was just about to say no when a sick kind of fascination stilled her tongue and she hesitantly nodded. Megumi gave her an understanding smile and then slowly the smile widened into a toothy grin and Kaoru inhaled sharply as the pristine white fangs she hadn't seen before slowly became visible, their petiteness belying their lethality. For several moments all Kaoru could do was stare at the haunting beauty of the instruments that, she was sure, had brought an end to more lives than she would ever want to know. And then slowly she lifted her gaze to the strange chestnut eyes watching her in amusement and murmured, "So, Kenshin has.. fangs... like that?"

Megumi's revealing grin vanished and she chuckled. "Yes. Even though he doesn't need them anymore, he still has them."

For some reason Kaoru found that information unnerving and she swallowed nervously. "But why don't they appear unless I'm looking for them?"

Megumi shrugged. "I'm not really sure but I think what has happened is, over the years, our kind have 'evolved' to fit our surroundings and the era. And because we are feared and hated in this day and age our blood is trying to mask what we are so we can continue to survive."

Taking a minute to think about it, Kaoru could see how that might happen but why hadn't it done the same for their eyes? They too would give them away if anyone knew what they were, like... Dr. Genzai...

Kaoru paled slightly as goosebumps broke out along every inch of her skin. So he really had known. And he had done his best to warn her away from Kenshin so why would he have spoken out for him the day her parents had arrived? And then slowly it dawned on her, maybe it was because he... already knew... and approved of what Kenshin wanted to do. Kaoru shivered as another thought hit her and she swung anxious eyes to Megumi. "He won't try to do this without asking me, will he? Kenshin wouldn't do that, right?"

Megumi started in surprise at her question, but quickly recovered and smiled reassuringly. "No. He won't do this against your will like the idiot who changed me..." her smile dropped into a rueful frown and she grouched, "He has more control than Sagara ever did.

Kaoru let out a heartfelt sigh of relief and sagged even further into the soft pillows. And then it hit her who Megumi had named and her eyes flew wide, "You mean, Sanosuke did this to you?"

Megumi snorted softly, "I see you've had the pleasure of meeting him." When Kaoru smirked and nodded, she exhaled in resignation and continued. "He did it to save my life, as Kenshin wants to do for you."

Kaoru's eyebrow's shot into her bangs, "You were dying...?"

Megumi smiled sadly and nodded. "I had cancer in a time when very little was known about the disease. I searched desperately for a cure but my sickness progressed at an alarming rate and I was bedridden three months after I fell ill with no hope of a cure. It was then, when I laid unconscious that Sano took the choice out of my hands and changed me."

"Oh” Was all Kaoru could think to say. She wasn't quite sure how she would feel if something like that happened to her. In a way she could understand why Sano did it, especially if he cared for her but still, she wouldn't want to be made into a monster just to live. It wouldn't be worth it to have to take another's life just to continue to live, no matter how young she was or how much she wanted to live. Swallowing nervously, Kaoru shook her head and tried to convince herself again that Kenshin wouldn't do that to her. He wouldn't take that away from her...

Megumi must have seen her inner turmoil because she leaned forward enough to catch her attention and smiled gently. "I can promise, Kenshin will never force you into this, but he also doesn't want you to make a decision until you know everything. That's why I'm here, to convince you to give him a second chance to explain why he wants to do it and what it will take for you to be like him and have the one thing you've always wanted."

Kaoru felt her stomach hit the floor. Shaking her head, she tried to shake off the twinge of panic tightening her chest, "I'm not sure if that's such a good idea...maybe it would be better if you told me what I need to know. I don't think..." Trailing off, Kaoru absently started nibbling on her bottom lip. It was hard to admit that she didn't think she'd be able to think clearly if she had to face Kenshin.

Megumi shook her head. "I can't tell you that because, to be honest, I don't know the whole story. I wasn't there the night he was made into what he is now." Leaning all the way forward, she rested her hands on her crossed knees and smiled sympathetically. "I know he can be overwhelming, but please give him a chance to tell you everything you need to know. He's already lost one person he loved, I don't want him to lose another without having a chance to explain."

Kaoru dropped her eyes closed as Megumi's words hit a chord deep within her very soul. Could she really do this? Could she really face him knowing what she did now? Scowling at her weakness, she inhaled deeply in an effort to quiet the nagging doubt still clenched tightly around her heart and finally slid her eyes back open. "I will talk to him. Can he come back tonight?" It would be better to do this now before she lost her nerve again.

Megumi grinned and nodded. "Yes, I'm sure he's pacing by now, anxiously awaiting my return." And then she gracefully rose from the chair and started for the door. "I promise, you will not regret this."

Kaoru simply smiled and watched her silently make her way to the door. Hopefully Megumi was right, but for some reason she had the feeling that she wasn't going to like what she was about to be told. As if proving her worry, another thought rose up as Megumi slid the door back preparing to leave and she called out, "Takani-san? Did you mean Kenshin's wife when you said he'd already lost one person he loved?"

Megumi stiffened slightly and glanced over her shoulder with a sad smile that made Kaoru's heart ache. "Yes. It was because of her that Kenshin is now like he is, but in the end she also paid the price." And with that she stepped out into the silent hallway and closed the door.

For several moments, Kaoru continued to stare at the empty doorway thoroughly confused by that last piece of information. Unable to fully grasp what Megumi had meant, she finally shook her head to clear her mind and shimmied to the edge of the bed to stand. She hissed lightly as her bare feet touched the cold floor but rose anyway and lifted the shield protecting her against the now non-existent UV rays to gaze out over the twinkling lights of the city. She would simply have to ask Kenshin what Megumi had meant. Until then she wouldn't be able to do anything but wait... wait and wonder whether he truly would be able to give her the one treasure she had longed for since the day she'd realized she couldn't have it. And would whatever he had to do be worth it just to have the sun.

Megumi silently stepped into the room where Kenshin was waiting for her return and almost grinned at the sight that greeted her. The tension filling the still air was nearly thick enough to cut. Quietly closing the door behind her, she simply watched the wound-up redhead continue to wear a path in the carpet as he paced away from her with his hands clasped tightly behind his back and waited patiently for him to acknowledge her. She was surprised though when all he did was spin around to make another circuit, completely oblivious to her presence.

Eyeing him with steadily widening eyes as he simply paced back towards her, she was just about to clear her throat to catch his attention when he must have sensed her presence and finally looked up. Quirking an eyebrow in obvious surprise, she crossed her arms and regarded the weary violet gaze now fixed on her. He really was a mess if he hadn't sensed her arrival. Normally he would have known she was there even before she'd opened the door. Sighing softly, she resisted the urge to shake her head. She had to admit that she almost felt sorry for him... almost. But the truth was he deserved this. He should have told Kaoru a long time ago what he was, then maybe he wouldn't have had this trouble now.

And for that very reason she purposely held her tongue until his eyes started to brighten into the fierce golden hue that signaled the loss of his patience and then she finally gave in, "She wants to see you..."

She almost laughed at the stunned look that flew across Kenshin's face.

"... And I don't think you will have much trouble since it's quite obvious she still loves you."

Kenshin visibly sagged in relief as a tiny smile crept across his face. "Thank you, Megumi."

Megumi snorted softly. "No need for thanks. You may have been an idiot in the past, but I can understand what has caught your attention. She really is something isn't she?"

Kenshin gave her genuine smile. "Yes, she is."

Stepping from in front of the door, she waved for him to leave. "Go before she changes her mind. She still isn't all that comfortable with what we are."

Kenshin inclined his head in understanding and headed for the door. She was surprised when he stopped as he came up parallel with her. Casting a curious glance his way, she was caught completely off guard when he whispered, "If I could do this for you, I would."

And with that he was out the door, leaving her to stare after him in stunned silence. And then she busted out with ironic laughter. Figures he would know what she'd managed to keep buried deep in her heart all these years. Ever since the day she'd heard of his change she had wished it had been her. She'd even gone so far as to see if the same would work for her, but unfortunately it wouldn't because she hadn't been made by Katsura.

With a deep sigh she shook her head and left Kenshin's room to go to the one she and Sano were sharing. But it didn't matter anymore. Now that she understood why Sano had done what he'd done she could face this life with no regrets. Of course it helped that she loved the big lug but she would never tell him that.

Kenshin closed the distance back to the hospital in a matter of minutes and flew up the stairs to the third floor. Quickly heading down the hall to Kaoru's room, he did his best to tamp down the unbridled anticipation nearly ripping his chest apart and tried to figure out just how to go about this. To be honest, he hadn't expected her to give him this chance. But now that she had he had to make sure he didn't scare her any more than she most likely already was.

Ignoring the tiny knot trying to form in his gut, he took a deep breath to settle his nerves as he came to the closed door leading to Kaoru and peeked through the window to make sure she was still in the room. He sighed softly and smiled when he saw her standing at the window staring out over the city. Taking one last settling breath, he rapped gently on the door and inwardly smirked when Kaoru jumped and spun around. For several heartbeats neither of them did anything but stare at the other through the thick glass and then Kaoru hesitantly lifted her hand and motioned him to enter.

Doing as she bid, he slid the door back and stepped in. Silently guiding it closed behind him, he let the faint scent of jasmine that still managed to linger over the heavy antiseptic smell calm his nerves even more as he made his way further into the room. Seeing a slight wildness settle into Kaoru's eyes as he neared, he stopped on the opposite side of the bed to try to set her at ease again and whispered, "I'm sorry for all this, Kaoru. I should have told you what I am a long time ago."

Kaoru smiled half-heartedly and shook her head as she pulled herself up onto the window ledge and rested her feet on the chair arm in front of her. "Don't be. I doubt I would have taken it any better had you told me before this anyway. I've never been a very trusting person." She scoffed softly, "Although for some reason I was willing to listen to Takani-san right from the start..."

Kenshin hid a grin at her obvious discomfort. So Megumi had been right once again, and he was sure she already knew it. But in the end thanks to her maybe this wouldn't be as hard as he'd feared. Heartened by the thought, he was just about to ask how much Megumi had told her when she fixed him with a soul searching gaze that made the question catch in his throat and then she whispered, "Are you really... different from the rest of them?"

Caught off guard, Kenshin lifted an eyebrow in surprise, then chuckled softly and nodded, "Yes, the only thing that remains the same between myself and the rest of my kind are my eyes and my unnaturally pale skin."

Kaoru let out a relieved breath, as if everything had hinged on that one answer and sagged against the thick glass behind her. Encouraged by her seeming acceptance, Kenshin silently made his way around the bed and settled down on the edge of the mattress across from her. "How much did Megumi tell you about me and what I want to do?"

Kaoru shrugged and absently toyed with the loose string hanging from the bottom button of her blouse. "Not much really. She told me that something happened to you about a hundred and fifty years ago that made you as close to human as a vampire can get. As to what you want to do, she really didn't tell me much because she said she didn't know."

Kenshin smirked. Oh, Megumi knew exactly what he wanted to do and how, but he could also understand why she hadn't said anything. The only person who should answer the questions Kaoru would likely have would be himself. Silently thanking Megumi for her caution, he was just about to begin explaining when Kaoru leaned forward again and spoke up, her wary tone making him pause.

"Is it true that you want to... change me?"

Surprised by the unexpected timing of her question, Kenshin winced mentally, as the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. So she'd managed to figure that much out already. Unsure how he felt about that, he took a moment to compose himself and then finally nodded, "Yes. But only if you agree to the change."

An almost indiscernible shiver shook Kaoru's entire body at his confession and Kenshin felt his stomach clench tight. Waiting as patiently as he could for her say something, he slowly felt his earlier calm starting to slip away; the guarded look now darkening her sapphire eyes striking him hard. And then she whispered the one question he had hoped she would never ask.

"And what will you do if I refuse this change?"

Swallowing tightly, Kenshin valiantly tried to quell the choking fear instantly crushing his chest and said the only thing he could, the truth. "Nothing. I will simply have to stand by and watch you die if that is what you choose."

Kaoru flinched and dropped her eyes closed, but not before he saw the tell-tale moisture shining in their depths. Cursing his inability to read her mind, all he could do was wait for some kind of reaction. He knew his words were harsh, but so was the reality and if it would help press his case then he would use whatever he could to make sure she fully understood what he could give her.

After what felt like an eternity of silence, Kaoru finally slid her eyes back open and asked, "And if I choose to accept this change, what will happen?"

Kenshin expelled the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and felt the muscles in his jaw relax. At least she was willing to listen, that was more than he'd expected. Inhaling deeply in an effort to settle his worn nerves, he met the careful gaze fixed on him and smiled gently. "You will, for the very first time in your life, be able to go out into the sun without pain."

He was surprised when all Kaoru did was cock her head to the side slightly and regard him warily as if she was trying to decide if he was telling the truth or not. Not exactly sure what she seemed to be searching for, Kenshin held his tongue and waited for some type of reaction. Several moments more passed in silence and then Kaoru finally shook her head and smiled softly, "There has to be more to it than that. You're not... human, but you were once. How did you come to be like this?"

A block of lead instantly materialized in his gut and Kenshin swallowed sharply. He'd known this was coming but that didn't mean he was ready for it. But in truth it didn't matter if he was ready or not, she deserved to know what it would take for her to have the one treasure he'd just mentioned. Even if that knowledge scared her away from taking what he was willing to offer.

Biting back a scowl, he wearily passed a hand over his face and took a second to collect his thoughts. This was the first time he'd ever really spoken of his choice to be changed and to be honest he found it rather unsettling. It had been over five hundred years since he'd made that fateful choice. Five hundred extremely long years. And over those five hundred plus years, he'd questioned his choice many times to the point of actually coming close to ending his cursed life. But like many before him, his ingrained instinct to survive kept him from giving himself to the sun and in the end it had paid off.

Glancing at the curious sapphire eyes fixed on him in anticipation, he smiled. If he had succeeded any one of those times then he would have never been here with her now. That in itself was worth all the hell he had endured. Now all he had to do was convince her to stay and his world would finally be set right. Smirking slightly, he fended off the twinge of fear that she might not choose to be there and began, "I guess everything started when I was about eight years old. My parents had recently been killed by a couple of deserters of the Hosokawa army. They had thought me dead also but - "

"Wait.." Kaoru spoke up suddenly, cutting him off. Surprised, he glanced at her and was startled to see the look of utter confusion painted across her features. And then she pinned him with a piecing gaze and asked, "Do you mean the 'Eastern' army? The army led by the Hosokawa family against the Yamana for the succession to the shogunate during the Onin War?"

Surprised by her knowledge of history, he simply nodded. He almost laughed at the incredulous scowl that pulled at her lips, "Are you trying to tell me that you're over five hundred years old?!"

Kenshin did chuckle under his breath at the horrified fascination she was doing her best to try to hide. Inclining his head slightly, he replied, "Five hundred and forty six to be exact."

A startled hiss was his only answer and he waited to see what she would do. When all she did was shake her head, he decided maybe it would be best to continue on so she didn't think too much about the age difference between them. "If it makes you feel any better I was nineteen when I was changed. So in essence we're the same age."

Kaoru scoffed softly, "I don't think so..." waving her hand, she muttered, "Just keep going..."

Inwardly grinning, Kenshin did as she bid and picked up where he'd left off, "It was at that time that my shishou, Hiko Seijuro, found me half dead and being set on by a pack of wolves. He saved my life that night and took me in to teach me the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. And that night I was also introduced to the world of vampires."

Kaoru's eyebrows shot into her bangs. "You mean, your shishou was a vampire?"

Giving her a small smile he nodded, "Yes, but he wasn't the one who changed me. I never could understand why he would want to take care of a mere human when he could have easily either killed me or changed me." Pausing for a moment, he took a deep breath and then continued, "In the end it was his brother, Katsura Kogoro, that changed me for the war that nearly wiped out vampires all together. But that's a whole other story."

Nothing but silence met his last statement and he watched quietly as Kaoru digested what she'd just been told, the thoughtful quirk of an eyebrow making him smile. At least she was trying her best to understand him, that gave him hope. He knew she'd been hit pretty hard tonight and the fact that she was still listening said a lot. Smiling softly at the thought he waited for the question he knew would be coming. That wasn't the whole story... and both of them knew it.

He didn't have to wait long. Moments later Kaoru glanced back to him with more curiosity than he'd expected to see.

"Okay, so that explains when and how you became a... vampire..." She said quietly, clearly still not comfortable with what he was. "... but both you and Takani-san said you're different than the rest so what happened a hundred and fifty years ago that made you like you are now?"

Kenshin sighed as the smile dropped from his face and he pushed off the edge of the bed to wander to the window. This part was going to be a little bit more... difficult. Fixing his attention on the sea of twinkling lights below, he took a steadying breath and steeled himself against the dull throb starting to pulse in his chest. "What happened was I trusted someone I shouldn't have and did something I should never have done..."

Glancing to Kaoru’s reflection in the window pane, he almost smiled at the irritated look she was valiantly trying to hide. But before she could give into the anger that he could see brewing in her eyes, he continued, "I suppose, in the end it was really my fault because, unlike the rest of my brethren, I fell in love with a human. And I even went a step further and married her... before she was changed."

A tired exhalation escaped against his will and he turned around to lean against the window ledge beside Kaoru. "And that right there was my biggest mistake. I had, with that one action, set into motion what would also become my greatest regret." Sliding a glance at Kaoru out of the corner of his eye, he whispered, "See, Tomoe refused to let me change her. It wasn't until ten years after we were married that she finally agreed, but she had one stipulation. She wouldn't let me change her unless I could find some way to make it so that once she was changed, she would still be able to enjoy the sunshine she'd lived under her entire life."

Kaoru's eyes widened in surprise and she gasped lightly. "So... she... didn't want to be cursed to the darkness."

Kenshin smiled sadly, "No. That was the one thing she didn't like about me, my inability to move beneath the sun. And that, in the end, was both of our downfalls."

Kaoru's mouth rounded into a silent 'Oh' as her eyes widened even more, clearly disturbed by the information. Exhaling softly, he was just about to continue when she whispered, "What happened?"

An empty smile touched Kenshin's lips and he shrugged. "I found it. The way to make me able to go into the sun and also for her to keep the sun once I changed her." Holding up a hand stop the question forming on Kaoru's lips, and resignedly finished, "But what I didn't know was that the powder I was given to take was in truth, suppose to kill me, not help me. And it almost did but thankfully my shishou saved my life."

Kaoru simply stared him, the shell-shocked look on her face bringing a small smile to his lips, but that soon vanished under the weight of the worst part of the story. "As you can see it didn't kill me but for some reason it did do what it was intended to. It made it possible for me to go into the sun. There were even other effects I hadn't counted on, such as no longer needing to feed to survive. It had done what none thought it would, it had given me a small measure of my humanity back."

At this point Kenshin decided to stop to give Kaoru time to digest all this new information. This was what she had to understand to make the decision she would soon be facing. He wished he didn't have to hit her with so much all at once, but he had no choice. He knew her father wasn't going to give him much time and he refused to let this chance pass.

Finally the glassy look faded from Kaoru's eyes and she murmured, "But what happened to your wife? Didn't you change her?"

Kenshin smiled sadly and managed to keep himself from flinching at the knife of pain that stabbed deep into his heart. "Yes, I did. And she died."

Kaoru recoiled as if she'd been slapped, the unbridled sorrow darkening her eyes hitting him harder than any physical blow. "But why?! You found a way! Why did she die?!"

Kenshin’s jaw clenched briefly, forcing the old anguish of guilt back in order to reply. "She died because I didn't know that what happened to make me what I am now, had also made my blood toxic to anyone who came into contact with it, be it human or vampire."

Kaoru snapped back again in shock and then she wilted bonelessly against the cool glass, seemingly at her limit as she closed her eyes. Resisting the almost overwhelming urge to comfort her, he instead waited for whatever questions might be brewing in her overstressed mind.

Several moments later, Kaoru finally slid her eyes back open and mumbled. "I'm sorry Kenshin..."

Taken aback, Kenshin started at the apology and then shook his head and smiled dejectedly. "Don't be. It was my mistake. And one I don't intend on making ever again."

Kaoru gave him a tired smile and wearily rubbed her forehead as if she still didn't understand something. He was proven right when she glanced at him and asked, "But if your blood kills any who come into contact with it, then how can you change me if I agree?"

Kenshin hid the smirk tugging hard at his lips and tried to ignore the sudden flare of hope that surged to life in his chest. "If you accept this change then I will change you the same way I was. First, you will be changed with my maker's blood and then you will need to take the same powder that I did. Once the powder has nearly done its job, my shishou will feed you his blood to stop its effects."

"Oh" Kaoru breathed softly, clearly not fully understanding yet. And then her eyes brightened suddenly and she hissed lightly as she swung a piercing stare at him, "So... you're telling me that I could die from this?"

Kenshin expression tensed and he nodded, "Yes. But if it succeeds, you will live..."

Kaoru simply stared at him as he trailed off, the last statement hanging heavily in the air. And here was where he could lose her. Even if she could overcome all else, would she be able to handle a never-ending life. Swallowing down the knot trying to form in his throat, he held her tense gaze and waited for her to either react or give up. He was almost hoping she would give up for tonight and save him from telling her the truth about his life span, and hers if she chose it. Unfortunately, his luck must have run out because instead of giving up, she hesitantly asked, "Is it true that vampires live... forever?"

Kenshin paused then shrugged, "It depends. A vampire's life is only as long as they wish it to be. When the vampire tires of their existence all they have to do to end it is simply expose themselves to the sun."

Kaoru mouthed a silent 'ah' and nodded as a tiny bit of what he could only call hope floated through her tired eyes. Wincing at the sight, he steeled himself against the dull ache starting to pulse in his chest and shifted his attention across the room. "But that doesn't hold true for me anymore..."

Nothing but silence met his statement and Kenshin chanced a glimpse at the woman beside him. He almost flinched at the horror tainted look of surprise Kaoru had fixed on him and then she muttered, "Do you mean, you can't die?"

Kenshin smiled sadly and nodded, "I have yet to find a way to end this twice cursed life that was thrust on me a hundred and fifty years ago."

That seemed to be the last straw because Kaoru moaned dejectedly and dropped her head into her palms. Biting back a similar gesture of his own, he pushed off the sill and reached over to lightly trail his finger under her chin and lifted her face. He cringed at the exhausted look in her eyes and wiped at the thin trail of tears that had escaped from the corner of her eye. "I know this is a lot to take in all at once. But please think about all I've said and believe me when I say that I will do nothing you don't want me to do."

Kaoru smiled weakly and straightened. Using the heel of her hand, she finishing wiping away the tears wetting her cheeks. "So basically you're telling me that if I decide to accept this change then I will have the sun... and I will never die." When he nodded, she took him completely off guard and whispered, "But if I choose this then I will also lose my soul, won't I? And if I die during the change I will have no hope whatsoever, will I?"

Kenshin's eyes flew wide as the truth he'd missed slammed him dead in the chest. She was right, if this failed then she wouldn't have any chance at all, her faith and all she was raised to believe in would condemn her. Swallowing thickly, he inclined his head in agreement and silently vowed that should she choose this then he wouldn't let her die. No matter what it took, he wouldn't let her die.

Kaoru simply smiled and dropped her feet to the floor to stand. Waiting for her to gain her feet he was surprised when she tilted precariously on unsteady legs and threw out a hand to grab the chair to steady herself, only to have the hand not grasp as it should have. Quickly wrapping an arm around her waist to halt her fall, he set her on her feet and glanced at her in concern. "Are you all right?"

Kaoru nodded and half-heartedly tried to pull from his grip. "It's nothing, I just forgot that hand doesn't work like it should anymore." Surprised, Kenshin absently tightened his hold and was just about to ask why when she smirked sadly and whispered, "Your... change... doesn't happen to fix things, does it?"

At her question, it suddenly dawned on him what had happened. She had lost all feeling in the fingers of that hand. Feeling helpless, he slowly shook his head. "No, it can't heal. It freeze's the body in the exact shape it's in."

Kaoru smiled hollowly and shrugged. "It was worth a try..." Without another word, she managed to work herself out of his grip and crawled up onto the bed. Watching as she situated herself, Kenshin tried to fend off the sick feeling settling into his stomach and was just about to reiterate his earlier request when a soft smile lit up Kaoru's features for the first time all night and she whispered. "I promise, I will think about everything you've said."

Kenshin nodded and met her smile with one of his own, "That's all I ask." Digging into his pants pocket, he fished out the small piece of paper he'd prepared with the hotel's phone number along with his room number and set it next to the phone on the bedside table. "If you have any more questions or just want to talk, call me and I'll come."

Stifling a yawn, Kaoru nodded and sagged heavily into her pillows, exhaustion written in every line of her face. "I will..."

Satisfied, Kenshin nodded wordlessly and turned on his heel to head for the door. He'd only made one step though when he was stopped by a small hand wrapping around his wrist. Surprised, he cast a glance over his shoulder and stepped back as Kaoru tugged him closer with an unreadable expression, and then she smiled hesitantly, "You forgot to say goodnight properly."

Quirking an eyebrow in confusion, it took Kenshin a moment to figure out what she meant and then it all of a sudden hit him. She wanted a goodnight kiss?! A genuine smile flew across his lips and he leaned down to place them gently against hers in a soft kiss. Relishing the feel of her lips against his, he inhaled deeply and sighed against her mouth in contentment as the scent of jasmine wrapped around him like a soft blanket. Breaking the kiss before either of them could deepen it, he leaned back just enough to meet the shining sapphire eyes fixed on him, "Remember, no matter what you decide, I love you and that will never change."

And with that he was out the door before the fist clenched around his heart succeeded in crushing the fragile muscle. And now began the hardest part, waiting for her to decide whether she wanted the sun enough to join him in this twice cursed life he'd inadvertently damned himself to years ago.

Kaoru yawned deeply as she watched Kenshin vanish from the room. Lifting a finger to her still tingling lips, she didn't notice the single tear that slid free from the corner of her eye to fall soundlessly into the soft material of her blouse. How was she going to do this? How was she suppose to choose between everything she'd been taught and him? It was almost as if she was being tested to see if she would trust in her faith or turn from it forever to the man who could promise her the one thing that had been denied her from the start. It was surreal, the predicament she now found herself in.

Wilting under the incredible weight settling on her shoulders, she half-smiled half-yawned at the thought and wearily rubbed her eyes. Maybe she should just set everything aside for now and sleep. Right now, she didn't think she'd be able to make any kind of decision or even think objectively for that matter. Smiling sheepishly, she decided that would probably be best. Not bothering to change out of her clothes she shimmied down far enough to curl up on top of the covers and almost immediately started drifting off. Tomorrow would be soon enough to try to sort out how she felt about all she'd been told. But there was one thing that she now knew would never change and that was the fact that she loved him.

Sighing softly, she finally succumbed to the exhaustion pulling her further into the comforting darkness and slipped off as one last question flitted through her tired mind. But did she love him enough to spend the rest of time beside him?

Please review and let me know what you think.