Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Are they REALLY foreign exchange students? ❯ The Aftermath - drunk bars of soap TOO? ( Chapter 13 )

MoTaS: THREE WHOLE FRICKEN months have past and I'm just now adding a new chapter?!

Kenshin: Master is slipping that he is!

MoTaS: Shove it Baka!!! School isn't as easy as it was a couple months ago.

Kenshin: Is that all?

MoTaS: No; I have a new girlfriend (no joke!)

Kenshin: Who is she?!

MoTaS: You wouldn't know her; she does have a twin, though…

Kenshin: O_o

MoTaS: … Don't even THINK that!!!! She's real nice, has a crazy messed up family like mine, and is older than me.

Kenshin: Really?

MoTaS: Yes, Kenshin. Unlike some people, I have a life.

Kenshin: HEY!

MoTaS: Lets hope my skills have not diminshed in the past weeks. I don't own RK; just this plot in particular and all the OC's.

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After their little Wal-mart excursion, the ride home was relatively quiet…

#Flashback#

Quiet was an overstatement. It was noisy as hell and twice as hectic. The same seating arrangement existed as before. For the sake of keeping the peace, Ian asked for music requests. Big mistake.

“Britney!” Heather and Karli squealed. Knowing better than to object, he put in the CD; the car may have been old, but that was no excuse to not have a CD player. Right away the friends saw why Karli and Heather liked the music; also why Ian despised it. Everybody (`cept Karli and Heather duh!) began boo-ing. Then a surprising thing happened.

“QUIET!!! I wanna hear the song!”

Everyone stared at Kenshin. It was official; Kenshin was replaced with Battousai and he liked Britney's “Toxic”. Now the world had truly gone mad.

For some reason the world around the nine friends disipated (disappeared) and a kind of gray void appeared. Karli, Heather, and Battousai were standing in front of the other six; they were holding torches, pitchforks, and metal bokkens. Cautiously, Battousai reached for his sword; strangely, it was missing.

“Uh-oh.” Was all he muttered.

Raising his torch Ian cried, “GET `EM!”

The other five shouted and raised their weapons in unison and began the chase.

##End Flashback##

How they got home was a mystery. Once there, they piled out of the car, and stood there waiting for something to happen.

Kenshin: Why are we just standing here?

Karli: Yeah; shouldn't we be going into the house and chilling or something?

Suddenly, the author appears out of no where, with another Kenshin standing there too.

Everybody who was already there: o_O

Kenshin that was already there, Ian as well: O_o

Creepy thing was that the author was exactly the same as Ian - in a sense, was Ian. Kenshin 2 was just standing there picking his nose, without a care in the world.

Ian: DUDE! Who are you?

MoTaS: I am the author, a.k.a. You.

Kenshin 1: Why are you here? And what do you mean “author”?

MoTaS: You are all in a reality of my creation and I'm here cuz this story has been dead for the past THREE MONTHS!!!

Ian: Why's that?

MoTaS: I got a life, that's what!

Kenshin 2: He got a girlfriend.

Sano: YEAH DUDE! You been hittin' that thang?!

Everyone else: O__O

Sano: What?

MoTaS: Uh…. I'm not even gonna answer that question because… you're an idiot and idiots don't deserve to be told such things.

Sano: Why's that?

Kenshin 1 & 2: You'd nose-bleed to high heaven.

MoTaS: The bakas are right.

Heather: You mean that your Kenshin is literally YOUR's?!?!?

MoTaS: In a word, yes.

Misao: Wait! We've been like this for three solid months?!

MoTaS: Uh… yes?

Ian: Dude - #whispering# - was Sano on the right track?

MoTaS: #whispering back# …More than you may think. ^_^

Ian: Cool - wait, you're me and I'm you - that makes me cool! Oh YEAH BABY!

Yahiko: WOO HOO - PG-13 buddy!

Kaoru: You idiot - it's already PG-13!!

Yahiko: Well, it's a lot higher now!

Aoshi: You been in a closet yet?

Sano, Ian, Karli, MoTaS, and all the Kenshins: O_O

MoTaS: Not yet… but it never hurts to imagine.

Ian: AOSHI - you animal!!

Sano: You tiger!

Kenshin 2: You and Misao have been -

Aoshi: No.

Kenshin 2: But I thought you-

Aoshi: No.

Misao: #winks silently at Aoshi#

Heather: Uh huh….

MoTaS: I think I've made it clear what I think on the matter and stuff.

An ominous breeze blew through the crowd. Someone shivered. Then…

Disembodied Voice 1: Got toothpicks?

Everyone: 0__0 What the hell was—

Disembodied Voice 2: Muahahahahaaa--#cough# Damn hairballs!!!

Everyone looked around to find the source of the voices, to no avail.

DV 1: Well, now then…my children of doom!!! Together we shall rule the WORLD!!!

DV 2: --with TOOTHPICKS!!!! ...I know I have some in here somewhere... Damnit. Come here little toothpicks...here little... Here they are!

Heather: o__O Uh-oh…

Sano: What is it Blondie?

MoTaS & Ian: The end of the world - that's what.

Everyone but Heather, Karli, MoTaS, and Ian gave a quizzical look as to what was going on. Karli, however, looked thrilled at what she heard - that's why the others were afraid. Then the mists rolled in - and the cloaked-disembodied-but-now-with-bodies-voices appeared.

DV 1: FOOLISH TOOTHPICK ABUSERS!!! YOU SHALL PAY WITH YOUR….. uh….. STUFF!!!

Sano: Don't you mean lives?

DV 2: NO! she MEANT to say toothpicks.

Sano: Oh -

DV 1: and your lives.

Sano: D'OH!

Then the hoods came down.

Ian: SWEET F#CKING CHRIST!!!

DV 1: Hello, dear-alternate-reality-brother! #Speaking in a happy-go-lucky-voice# Karli has cometh to destroy you all! ^__^

DV 2: Hello alternate-reality-boyfriend!!!

MoTaS and Ian: DIANE?!!?

This reality Kenshingumi: UH…. WTF is going on?

Ian: Diane - what are you doing with my sister?

Diane: Helping her take over the world- Karli 2: -With toothpicks!!

Diane: Isn't it obvious?

MoTaS: Yeah, but why is a better question.

Karli 2: Late nights when you were passed out - plotting became a perfect time-killer.

Aoshi: How many toothpicks are you using?

Diane: Two.

Sano: Thousand?

Karli 2: No - just 2. No more and no less.

Yahiko: Why not three?

Aoshi: Foolish boy - three would totally obliterate the entire planet, leaving nothing left for them to rule, while 1 would simply be too hard - two will eliminate all forms of government, reform all monuments world-wide into their liking AND leave that lovely lilac fragrance you can only get from fresh, living lilacs in the spring time.

Sano: Really?

Karli 2: Amazingly, yes! Down to the very last detail, including the after smell.

Diane: How would you know?

Aoshi: I looked over the possibility when I was much younger as an option for eliminating all those who opposed me.

Ian: Basically cuz you wanted to take over the world for yourself.

Aoshi: Yes - except that I realized the toothpicks I needed wouldn't be invented for another 140 years, so I threw it out with yesterday's meatloaf.

Sano: WHY'D YOU DO THAT!? I WAS GONNA EAT THAT STUFF!!!

Kenshin 1: Uh…

MoTaS: No, Sano - bad idea.

DV 3: KIDS!!! GET YER ASSES BACK HERE NOW - IT'S TIME FOR DINNER!!!!

MoTaS: Uh-oh - mom's calling for us. Hope you all have fun - I gotta go eat now. BYE!

#Kenshin 2, MoTaS, Karli 2, and Diane all disappear in a gray fog, as quickly as they appeared.#

Kenshin: Well, that was……

Ian: Weird.

Yahiko: Can we go in now - I'm hungry!!!!

Karli: Oh shut up - we'll get there in a bit.

With that, the whole group goes inside. This time, they go through the front door, and into the living room. Once inside, they the TV on and someone louding munching and snacks. Ian noticably stiffened at the sight on his mom's couch - no one else had anything to say - except for out new character.

#I thank my dear friend, Yuki-sama or Kenshingentatsu (a FF.net author), for giving me this idea!#

NC: About time - where you been so long?!

Karli: Uh Ian - why is there a talking bar of soap on our couch?

Ian: BOB - what are you doing here?!!

Bob the Bar of Soap: Waiting for you knuckle heads. Got any beer in this place?

Ian: We have a whole cellar full of sake - didn't you find it?

Bob: Yah, and then I dumped it down the drain.

Karli: WHAT!?! Why would you do that!!!!

Bob: Sake is the cheapest form of alcohol in existence and therefore not worthy of my time.

Kenshin: Bad idea, soap for brains.

Bob: What's that, Pinky?

Kenshin: #frowning at being called “Pinky” for his shirt# Master knows when people speak ill of sake - be ready for the worst, my stupid, pint-sized friend.

Before Bob has a chance to respond a cold wind sweeps through the room and following it is silence. Then, with speed only matched by Sou's shukuchi, the Thirteenth Master of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu was standing in front of him, sword drawn to the ready.

Hiko: Foolish and stupid-should-be-inanimate-bar-of-soap-san! You shall PAY for your lack of respect for the drink of the Gods that is sake!! #Slices Bob into tiny little snow-flakes before he can even respond to his speech.#

Kenshin: Shishou!!! How did you -

Hiko: Get here? Funny you should ask. I was in the process of walking into town one day to get my monthly supply of sake, being that I don't wish to make contact with people more than I absolutely have to. After I grab my sake, I start walking back to mountain and this one character - (points to Ian) - about your size and all that trips me, smashing all of my sake jars, save for one, which he grabs and drinks in one go. He drank it all and still held himself together - a little better than I could've. Anyways, he trips and drinks my sake, I attack him, he dodges somehow, says a chant, and then I'm here.

Sano: How long ago was that?

Hiko: 2 and a half years ago.

Karli: What have you done since then?

Hiko: I got a job in a local winery - in a town called Frankenmuth, I think.

Heather: That figures - he went where the alcohol was.

Hiko: I'm an official taste tester - the best they ever had.

Kenshin: We're all proud and happy for you. #Voice is heavily laced with sarcasm, but Hiko doesn't notice or doesn't care.#

Yahiko: Thank god that's all…

Hiko: Also, I work as security at a local school - I think they call it “Bridgeport High School”?

Everyone else: DAMN IT!

Ian: How come I never noticed you there before?

Hiko: I just got hired.

Kenshin: Oh joy.

Hiko: Be fore-warned, though…. I wasn't the only one they hired as well.

Sano: Who else - anyone we know?

Hiko: Unfortunately, yes - they hired Hajime Saitou.

Kenshin: SWEET F#CKING JESUS ON A POGO STICK!!!! WHY HIM?!?!

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MoTaS: Well, hopefully this will capture your interest once again to the work that is by me!!!

Kenshin: Took him forever that it did.

MoTaS: Hopefully you all still love me enough to read the update and review it. And everything I used in relation to moi is true. My dad thinks he knows - and he probably does so I'm kinda screwed there.

Kenshin: Literally, you have, master.

MoTaS: OH yeah - I did. ^__^ I love it, being me.

Kenshin: Review and give Macho Man here a reason to keep his raging hormones in check people!!!!