Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Falling in Love Again ❯ I Can't Get No Satisfaction ( Chapter 5 )

Falling in Love Again

A Rurouni Kenshin Pop-Art Remake

By Oryo

Warnings for this chapter: language!!!, mention of drug abuse, two, no three kisses, mention of cross-dressing (more or less)

Chapter 5: I Can't Get No Satisfaction

Tokyo, years 36/37 of Meiji (1904/5)

It's really strange that you can become so fond of a person in such a short time. Within half a year, I knew that for the first time in my whole life that I had met a man I could trust blindly. A man who was always there to cover my back. A friend.

New York, May 12, 1965

"I don't want to continue this investigation." Jasper Cagney let out his primal wish while they were sitting in the diner. His boss looked at him curiously, a dry smile around his thin lips. "If I continue this, I will go blind. I hate fags. It's disgusting to see them walking in the streets. But seeing them - making out. It's just sick."

"Fine. What did he do, and more important who was with him?" Henry Shatner asked, using the time when the other man paused to take a breath.

"I've written a report . It's not necessary to talk about it."

"And if I told you that I wanted you for this job exactly for your obvious antipathy. It's rare to find a man who doesn't end up falling under Farrel's charm."

Usually, Henry Shatner didn't flatter anyone. That was the reason why Jasper Cagney felt a bit of pride, even if he wasn't sure if these words were supposed to be a compliment.

"The other man's name is Sam Sherman. He is already registered for minor illegal transgressions. Once he was involved in a car chase. He sings in a Rock 'n' Roll-band and participates regularly in boxing matches in Harlem or the Lower West Side. He frequents one of the clubs on our list. The 'Velvet and Blue-Jean'."

"Do you have a photo?" Jasper Cagney snorted, but took the picture out of his pocket. It showed the two men at a table. While he was looking at it, the smirk of his boss grew more sarcastic. "And what did they do?"

"Kiss," The private eye spat out violently. "on the street. And later in the night the red-head got almost trapped in a raid on West Street, but he escaped. You could have told me that he knows Martial Arts."

"I told you not to take him lightly. Was the other man with him?"

"No, he was alone. He is working in a Jazz Club in the Village, and after it closed he went there. I have written everything in my report.", Jasper Cagney explained.

"Who is watching him now?"

"One of my men."

"Is he good?"

Jasper Cagney nodded, although he was rather skeptical. But anything was better than watching the fag any longer. "Alright, et your men keep an eye on Farrel. Just to play it safe. For you, I have another plan. You will have to play a traitor, but this is necessary to get you into this group."

The blond private eye took a deep breath. Finally, he would have the real, big job.

***

"Imagine your lower abdomen is like a bag." My sudden laughter interrupts his explanations, he's looking at me with slightly strained patience. "Can we continue, Sam?"

"Yes, yes."

"Good, every time when you take a breath you fill the bag. No, don't raise your shoulders, press the air downwards. Yes, like that. You must have the impression that the bag is very full, almost cracking. No, not your face."

Now, it's him who laughs at my grimace. Then he lays his hand on my back. Oh god, his hand on my back!

"Don't be so tense, Sam! Lay your own hands on your stomach, and feel the pressure when you breathe."

The poor innocent man, he hasn't the slightest idea what he does to me.

"Why all this just for playing saxophone?" I ask to hide my confusion.

"Knowing how to breathe is essential. Even for singing it will help you."

Singing? I will never sing anymore in my whole life. How could I with this unsteady voice? And I had been so proud of my voice. And my parents too. The angelic voice of little Sam. Making people forget that, normally, they had to yell at me.

"Come on, try again!"

I sigh, and ...

The tones coming out of my instrument are clear and steady. It took me a long time, but now it's just natural. Using the midriff for breathing, channeling the air to produce perfect sounds. Even if I had to do half of the work alone. He would be proud of me if he saw me. Does he? Or does he rot in hell, as they say? Fags will rot in hell, that's what they say. What my parents said, only they didn't use this word. They just said "the lost", or "the unrepentant sinners".

Fuck! The next tones come out with difficulty, but - No, no one will see me cry. Not even a fucking saxophone.

*

I didn't hear them before they stormed into the room. I had been so absorbed in my daily ritual, my holy sacrifice, playing music and remembering. That's the reason why I'm not fast enough to lay down my instrument. A gun touching my temple is faster. Fuck! If my hands were empty, I would have no problem to dealing with this guy. I would even sacrifice the guitar, but never ever the saxophone. It had been his.

"What do you want?" I yell.

"Shut up!" The man with the gun tells me. He feels very tough since he's holding the gun. Fuck again! There are five of them, behind the man at my side, three of them turn over every corner in the "Underground", the others go upstairs.

A very long time ago, Arthur, Kay and I had spoken about the potential necessity to fight against a potential police force. Not because of the drugs, but because we are violating liquor regulations. But, I'm not sure if Arthur still remembers it, and if he remembers, he might be unable to apply our strategy in the actual situation. No to mention our sleeping guest, one of Arthur's strange friends, who has been knocked out since yesterday evening. I don't even want to know what he uses.

"Come on, tell me what you're looking for, guys?" I ask the man watching me, having an idea what they are searching for. But they won't even find the empty cardboard box that I threw in the trashcan, when I came back yesterday.

"You are grinning as if you know something." The guy with the gun says, reaching for my saxophone.

"Don't touch it!"

And suddenly, the tide turns. The men who had gone upstairs come stumbling back, one of them with a bleeding nose.

"Out of here!" Arthur shouts, following them. He is completely sober, holding the long stick of our broom in his hands, looking like a gloomy version of Errol Flynn himself.

I use the surprise of our intruders, to lay down my saxophone, before I put the guy with the gun to sleep with one of my best blows. Taking the gun out of his lifeless hands, I throw myself on the next.

"Great! That's what I needed." Very quickly, all but those who are unconscious have made a run for it. I'm heady with adrenaline, gripping the shirt of the remaining guy. "Remember: Never disturb me again when I'm playing my saxophone. It pisses me off." I slap his face gently. "Now, tell me who are you?"

"I'm nobody." The other is gone wobbly now. What a coward! "They simply asked us to look for drugs. They told us that you had taken some of their stuff."

"Who?" This time Arthur asks the guy.

"I don't know. His name's Reynolds."

"Brian? Brian Reynolds?"

Arthur and me, we are both stunned, and the guy uses this time to escape. Brian? I thought, that it had to be Simon. But, maybe, this affair is more complicated than I thought. Shrugging, I pick up my saxophone to lay it properly in its case.

"Where is it?" Arthur is standing in the door of the lavatory. "They didn't find it, it should be here."

"My lovely red-haired dream-dancer, he threw it in the toilet."

"That's a lie."

"No!"

"He isn't yours", I can't help but laugh in his face, it's such a serious expression. "And he must have been here to do what you have said."

"He was. Yesterday. You can be sure he isn't very pleased, that you are on drugs. You have disappointed him."

Yes, yes, I'm an asshole to tell him that. But I'm still mad at him for interrupting my fun with Shin-chan, and I don't want him to have the chance to do that a second time. And I don't want Shin-chan to worry about Arthur. It hurts all the fun we could have.

Suddenly, the phone is ringing. The phone had been one part of our anti-police-raid-preparations.

"Sherman." Arthur has been faster than me. I can't read the expressions of his features, but his voice betrays him. When someone speaks with the person he is attracted to, his voice grows softer and lower. Even Arthur's. "Unfortunately, I haven't time at the moment, because I have an very urgent errand. ... Yes, he has told me, but ... I'm sorry, if I have offended you. ... Thank you. Would you -? ... Yes, he is here too. ... Yes, I will lend him my car, I don't need it for my errand. ... No need to thank me! ... Can I do something for you? Okay!" Arthur turns to me without letting me see in his eyes. "It's Farrel. He wants to speak with you." Before he gives me the receiver, he covers it with his hand. "If you treat him like your other conquests I will kill you."

"You are pathetic." I respond, pissed off. Arthur has never understood and never believed me that all my affairs were based on a simple agreement between the other guy and me: I want it, you want it, let's have fun. No complications, no twists, and surely not abuse. I take the receiver from his hands.

"Hi, it's Sam. Do you already miss me?"

Now, Arthur gives me a murderous look, before he leaves me.

"Can you come and get me? Now."

Something is wrong, not only because he ignores my greeting, but I hear tension in his voice.

"If you don't have time, I will call a taxi."

"No, no. I will co-"

"Beep, beep, beep." The line is dead. What the fuck was that?

*

When I arrive at the house, he is already waiting for me, sitting on the stairs at the entrance and smoking a cigarette. Forgetting my anger immediately, I grin when I see that he is wearing a dark-blue scarf, covering his neck. I marked him, and, yesterday, it was very funny to see, that he hadn't had any idea. Now, he knows, but the blue scarf suits him. Dark-blue is the nicest color for him anyway. The excitement which hadn't left me since yesterday evening returns with sudden violence. But what else could I do, when even the skin of my hands still feels the sensation of his small, but strong body, the play of firm muscles under the pale skin.

Shintaro stands up, when I stop the car. I ask myself, if he would kiss me again. Sweet and reckless, in the eyes of the world. At that moment I see his face and his eyes, and I know that he's not thinking about kissing. He doesn't even fake a smile, projecting the rest of his cigarette in the bushes in front of the house. Then I see the suitcases. A very big suitcase and a medium sized suitcase. Shintaro opens the backdoor of the car and puts all the stuff on the backseat.

"Hi!" I say, when, finally, he settles himself on the passenger seat. He doesn't answer, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. His face is blank, not displaying any emotion besides weariness. But his fisted hands, the strain of his posture and the thin line of his lips are visible signs of his inner tension. His whole body is saying "keep your distance". Not the gloominess I'm used to with Arthur, but the behavior of a stranger caught up in worry. The-not-your-business-posture.

"What's the matter with you?" I query, punching his upper arm lightly. The only reaction I get from him is harsh, unsteady breaths, as if he is struggling for air. "You should stop smoking! You already have problems with your breathing."

This time he opens his eyes, but doesn't look at me.

"Would you please shut up your mouth and start the car!"

Fuck yourself! Honestly, he is the only person I know who can insult someone with a polite request, but I'm not in the mood for this. If I wanted someone to annoy me, I could stay at home and talk with Arthur. Pissed off, I leave the car to go to his side, and I open the door.

"I'm not your fucking taxi driver. If you want to pout, do it alone. Out of the car!"

That's what he does without looking at me. My anger grows with every second, and I put my fists in my pockets, while he is pulling the suitcases out of the car. Having set them on the ground, he crosses the street, fumbling in the pockets of his jacket. When he reaches the railing by the river, I see him rolling a new cigarette. But he doesn't smoke it. He throws it into the river, and the tobacco packet follows.

"Fuck!" It appears as if I will end up playing the fucking good Samaritan again. "Fucking bitch!" I hiss, but he cannot hear me anyway. Then I put the suitcases back in the car. "Freaking bitch!" Shintaro has laid his head on his crossed arms, resting on the railing. I see it when I risk another look. Fine, now he is crying. How touching! How could I forget that guys like him could be more annoying than any noisy girl, playing the fucking little diva. "Bitch!" I spit again, but I go to him anyway. If I wouldn't get this ass today, I would let it drop, but I could try it one last time. By giving him manly comfort. And suddenly, I realize that the balance that was off since yesterday has returned to its right order, my position is clear again. I'm the man and he's - the femme.

That's what I thought, before I reached him. Even though I promised myself that I would never ever be fooled again into believing that I know this man. That I could judge, or foresee any of his reactions.

"I thought you were gone." He says lifting his head. Although his voice still sounds unsteady and his features are twisted in pain, he isn't crying. "I'm sorry that I was so childish. But I thought, when I opened my mouth I would break down. Starting to cry like a baby. Making you think I was a stupid idiot, but in the end I acted like an idiot anyway. Sorry!"

"Will you tell me what happened?" Once again, he makes me do things I never thought about. I don't even understand why. Perhaps it's his conviction that, in reality, I'm a nice guy. This is not true, but sometimes it feels good to believe it. "Did she kick you out?"

"Yes," He turns to face me. "she asked me to leave, and late last night, I was trapped in a police raid. I escaped, but - " He closes his eyes. "It was a bad night, and I haven't slept for a second."

It's more jealousy than worry that I feel. Where did he go that he was trapped by the police?

"Don't tell me that you were looking for someone to -?"

Before I finish my question, I see the hint of a smirk around his lips. A little glance of amusement behind his obvious sadness. Then Shintaro opens his eyes again, shaking his head.

"Why should I search for someone for that purpose, if I have you?" The smile grows more definite. "Don't worry!" He takes a long, deep breath. "No, it was just coincidence that I was on that corner. I walked a bit to pass the time until the first subway train. I didn't even know that it's a gay area now. It hadn't been when we lived there. I just thought I would feel better wandering through streets I know, but it didn't work." He turns to the river again, looking down at the water. "Even before the police came I knew it was stupid to go there in my troubled state. Everywhere bad memories."

I can understand what he is thinking about. There are some streets in a city called Charleston that I want never to see again for my whole fucking life. I would rather die than make myself suffer because of all the memories they preserve. But sometimes I think about them anyway, although it hurts. Sometimes, the pain is the only sign of life I feel.

"Let's go!" Shintaro breaks the silence, still looking in the water. "The way will be long enough." He pushes his hands in his pockets, smiling slightly. "Thank you!"

"For what?"

"For staying. And for reminding me that I should stop smoking."

When he turns away to go to the car, I hold him back. "Wait a minute!" I'm not sure if I'm not making the biggest error in my life. "Tell me why did she kick you out!"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Yesterday you told me almost your whole family story. After all, it doesn't fit that she would cut you off like this."

Turning his face to me, he makes a strange sound. I realize that he is laughing, but not his usual laughter. It sounds terrifying.

"She's not cutting me off. She even offered to give me money, and the last time, I needed it urgently, she gave me more than I needed." I'm sorry I asked. My question stirred up a hornets' nest. And I understand finally what he meant by the break-down he feared. Although he isn't crying, the violence of his emotions is shaking him. "But this doesn't change anything about the fact, that it makes her sick to see me, to know what I am. That she hates that the people in her neighborhood talk about me, pity her. She hates the pity almost as much as the lies. And I have lied to her more than once. I didn't tell her that Soza taught me self-defense, because the other boys tried to beat me bloody and I wanted to prove them, that I was not a coward, and not a fucking queer. And they stopped annoying me, when they knew that I could beat them. Kumiko believes in non-violence, she didn't understand it. I didn't tell her, that all those stupid things I did, should prove the same. That I was not a coward and not a queer, or a girl either. I didn't tell her, that I hated these feelings for Soza, and that I punched him for kissing me. I didn't tell her what I felt when I knew that he had died in a fucking stupid gang fight, because he did the same thing I did. Trying to prove that he was not a coward, and not a queer. I didn't tell her how much I hated the new school, because they wrote things about me in the bathrooms, or on my locker. I didn't tell her how many times I was involved in a fight with other kids, until I didn't go to school anymore. I couldn't speak with her about any of these things, because I hated it, and I didn't understand it. How could I explain it to her?" He is leaning his head on the railing again, shaking and breathless. "Fuck!"

I'm dumbfounded and helpless, watching this outburst. Unsure what I should do, or feel. I can see inside him the angry, miserable boy who didn't understand himself, hurt and trapped by his feelings. I can imagine it, because I felt the way, and sometimes I still feel that way. Especially when I think about my parents and their pure horror when I told them that, yes, I have kissed a man. Those memories are the reason why, finally, I overcome my irritation, touching his back, soothing the strained muscles with timid caresses. Yes, timidity's the right word, because my heart is pounding. Never before have I touched another man to comfort him; complicated emotions aren't my thing. But, now, it feels just right. The only thing I can do, and after a while I sense him relax, the shaking abating, and his breath calming and steadying.

"Please don't ever ask me such personal things again." Shintaro says, but his voice doesn't sound as harsh as his words. "It's humiliating to lose face."

"I'll think about it."

We go back to the car, silently, until we are sitting in it again.

Then they words come out of me just naturally: "What do you think about starting over again, as if you just came to the car? We only have to say the same words as yesterday. So your part is to ask: 'What do you want?' Then I say: 'Aren't you happy to see me? I thought you wanted to see me again.'"

It works. He gazes at me with his special smile, hiding very naughty thoughts.

"Why don't we continue where we ended yesterday?" He proposes still smiling, and my heart pounds faster again. He can't mean what I think? Though, lowering his eyelashes a bit, he says: "After all, it doesn't matter anymore, what people might think."

He means exactly what I'm thinking, lifting one hand to brush my lips. Yes, please, kiss me again! He does, sweetly and recklessly. I have no idea, what excites me more the sweetness and the growing passion of the kiss, or the fact that we are sitting in a car, in the bright daylight. And his kisses are worth all this extra effort.

"Hey, you fags! Get out of the car!" Someone is beating on the windshield, and we break apart. I see two policemen beside the car. They have their fucking billy clubs in their hands. Doesn't look good. "Get out of the car!" One of them yells a second time.

Fuck yourselves! I glance at Shintaro who looks somewhat worried. I start the car, not caring that the window beside me is breaking. The only thing what matters is that we can make a run for it. After a while, I can lose them. It's easier than the last time. Besides I know, that the license number isn't really visible as dirty as the car is. Somewhere in the middle of the usual New York traffic, we start to laugh.

"You are incredible." Shintaro says breathlessly.

"I promised you fun, and look, you are laughing. Besides, I'm getting better at shaking off the men in blue. The last time -"

"You totaled Arthur's car."

"How can you know that? When it happened, I mean."

"Pure intuition." He chuckles again, and I'm relieved at that. Laughter and smiles suit him far better than negative vibes and painful memories. It makes him Shin-chan, someone you can use a pet name for.

"Your intuition is really remarkable. And speaking of intuition, I wanted to tell you that it was good that you informed me yesterday about the 'Velvet'. We had visitors this morning. They thought Arthur had taken the stuff."

"I thought on the phone that something must have happened." Too much worry in his voice. But, we will not start to talking about Arthur now! "I'm really sorry to cause you trouble. I overreacted yesterday without thinking about the consequences."

"No, no, don't apologize. It was fun to kick them out."

"Sam!" He is worried about me. How cute! "You shouldn't put yourself in danger."

"Hey, hey. We talked about that yesterday, that I'll be your partner when we fight off the bad guys. You can save the world, and I can have fun, just like when you saved the girls, and I had the fun, the other night. It's perfect."

His eyes grow huge, like yesterday when I told him that. I like the idea, very much. It has nothing to do with my intention to have his ass, but I like it anyway.

"What will you do now?" I ask after a while, making a pointing to the back of the car.

"I will never live in the same place with someone who deals drugs. That's the only reason." Shintaro responds with deadly seriousness. But, this expression doesn't remain on his face for a long time. "No, I have thought about it. A few days ago, Karen offered me the little apartment, located behind the dance school. I would like it, I could hardly find a nicer place to live for a cheaper price. It even has a real bathroom and a little kitchenette, you know. Not just a sink and a hot plate, on a table."

"But? So many good reasons, but I can almost hear the 'but'."

He rests his elbow on the open window, cupping his cheek in his hand, smiling sadly. The wind is playing with his hair. I have to take a very deep breath, my pants growing definitively too tight.

Finally he says. "No, there is not really a 'but'. I really would like it. But," He laughs a bit about the obvious contradiction. "it bothers me nevertheless. I don't know if I should tell her about me, or not. And how could I tell her without causing too much trouble."

I open my mouth. How could he? Where did he find the courage to even think about confessing something like that? As much as I like flirting when I know that no one, besides Arthur, might be offended by my sexual orientation, I'm very glad that, in my normal life, I can easily pass as the perfect straight guy. No one calls me a queer or a fag to my face.

"Do you do this every time you take an apartment or a room?" I express my opinion after a while.

"Certainly not." He shakes his head. "Karen is a special case. I owe her and her family much. Sometimes I consider them almost my own family, and I loved them certainly more than most of my real relatives. I mean, her grand-mother knew about me, because it was so difficult to hide my trouble in front of my teacher. And she tried to help me, they all tried. Even little Karen who didn't know anything about my troubles, felt that she needed to cheer me up. And she did it. The Kaszowiz family gave me shelter for six months, when I was on bad terms with Kumiko. And they arranged the Paris trip for me, when it became clear, that I would never successfully pass any competition, staying in New York. I never had any chance to thank them, and - I think this girl just deserves my sincerity."

"But?"

He slaps my arm with a lazy, teasing movement. "Idiot! That doesn't make it easy, even more since yesterday. That's all. I'm a coward about this."

"Coward. This is exactly the word, I have in mind. Tell me, coward," He gives me another slap. "did you learn this interesting fighting style of yours at the dance school? I've forgotten to ask you, but I'm highly curious about it."

"No, Soza - Sozaru taught me." I have noticed his lame try to hide the importance of this name. Not to mention that I still remember having heard something about kissing this guy. Just an hour before. But I don't interrupt him. Interesting fighting styles are a hobby of mine. "It was just supposed for self-defense, and to impress the kids harassing me. It's a kind of Asian martial art mixture, and in the end, it is not so far away from dancing. Only the choreography is not music but the fight and the moves of your opponent. Soza learned it in the relocation camp, and later he asked some Chinese to teach him more. Sometimes, we went there together. Not that the Chinese were very fond of two American-Japanese boys, but Soza told them, he just wanted to learn to fight, not to marry one of their sisters. The result of it was a kind of random style. Unfortunately, I never had the chance to show Soza what I learned in Japan."

"When did you have time to go to Japan? Between dance competitions, dance exercises, moving over to Brooklyn, trouble with your aunt, trouble with school, a trip to Paris. Have I forgotten something?"

"You promised not to ask me about my personal life again."

"The question if I have forgotten something isn't very personal. And I only said I would think about it."

He doesn't answer. The silence irritates me, because I don't want him to distance himself again. He has been so candid for the last hour, that I'm very reassured concerning my opportunities for later fun. Getting him to talk had such a good result yesterday, that I have considered it as the best strategy I ever had. Besides, I'm indeed amazed by all his stories. At the moment when I open my mouth to make an excuse for my rudeness, he decides to answer.

"In the summer of 52, Kumiko and me, we had obtained American passports and official permission to travel to Japan. It was a very special case, because eldest sister of Kumiko and my mother, their family and their father had lived in Nagasaki, at the time when Kumiko had fled."

I must be a fool to have insisted. The only thing I know after he finished speaking, is that Kay was right, telling me that I was no match for this guy. We live in two different worlds, and I'm rather scared of his world. Too much passion and, consequently, too much suffering. We stay silent for a very long time, swimming through the traffic, passing Sheridan Square.

"I'm sorry that I asked you!" I break the silence when it starts to bother me.

"Don't worry. It's my own fault to have broached these subjects."

After this, he's silent again, but he doesn't appear so distant, just thoughtful.

"What do you say, if we go in a movie tonight?" His eyes grow wide, when he looks at me. "I know, you didn't like Hollywood, but a movie is not the same."

The sweet smile reappears on his face.

"Thank you for the invitation, but usually, I don't go to see movies."

"Don't tell me you despise them too?"

"Not really, but I have never assisted gone to a movie without falling asleep, or dozing off after a while." He grins apologetically. "That's the reason why I don't go to the movies very often." I can't believe it. We really live in two different worlds. And his world doesn't even have movies. "Are you mad at me?"

"I'm completely shocked. And I will not believe you until you prove it. Nobody falls asleep at the movies, I mean people fall asleep in symphony concerts, operas, or ballets, but not -"

I don't realize what I have said, until his smile becomes very mischievous. Then, unexpectedly, he chuckles, rubbing my arm with affection.

"We will see."

*

The house looks even more run down in the daylight. And that's something that can be said about most of the houses on this street, it's only strange that even the store rooms in the ground floor are empty. I park the car on the other side of the street, and open the door.

"Wait!" Shintaro grips my arm, then nods his head at the store in the neighboring house. Four men are coming out of this store, one of them is a heavily built guy. "Wait in the car! I will follow them. Just wait and see if something happens! I will be back in a few minutes." He opens the car door, while I'm still watching these guys. Wondering what might be so special about them. A little voice is calling in my mind, but I can't understand what it wants to tell me. "Do you still have the chain?"

"Yes, but - hey, I want to have fun too. Don't do this alone!" I take the chain out of my pocket, suddenly I'm remembering. I had fought with the big guy when we were defending the girls and I know him. He is one of these good-for-nothings who worked regularly for the "Family", doing dirty jobs like convincing people how much they needed the "Family" to protect them, or going on big robbery jobs. "Hey!"

"We have no time to discuss. Do what I say, just for once! Watch the white car! Okay?"

He takes the chain. Winding it around his hand, he follows these guys, still on our side of the street. Distracted, I look after him for a very long time, gaping. In sheer wonder at how a man could walk so gracefully and controlled at the same time. I observe him, leering at this living poem, until he crosses the street because these guys turn the corner.

Fuck! I have almost missed it. The white car that has parked about six feet behind us. I only realize that the guy in the car might be interested in the same thing as I am, when I see him getting out of the car. He passes me, following Shintaro, or simply choosing the same way. It's just an ordinary guy in a suit, wearing glasses and carrying a briefcase. He could be a business man, or a commercial traveler, nothing interesting about him. But my expert eye from a lot of detective movies realize he's tailing Shintaro. Should I follow him too, or wait? I picture us following each other, and it seems very ridiculous to me. No real detective would do this. But, I can do something else. I know that Arthur always has something to write on in the car. To be prepared whenever the muse might strike him.

Great! Very pleased with my idea, I take the pencil and the notebook from the glove-box, get out of the car and note the license number. Then I risk a glance in the car, and shake my head. Very bad ... This guy has never seen a detective movie, for leaving his binoculars in the car. Trying to hide it under the seat wasn't a good idea either, because I can still see them anyway. Unfortunately, he isn't stupid enough to forget documents in the car. Somewhat disappointed, I return to my car. Who the fuck could have an interest in my lovely red-head? The "Family" would not send a private eye to watch someone, it wasn't their style. Besides, it would be too early for them to know about him.

After a few minutes, waiting grows incredibly boring, I sink deeper in my seat. Humphrey Bogart never had to wait such a long time for something to happen. Just at the moment when I'm thinking about looking for Shintaro, I see this man in the mirror. A tall and lanky man with blond hair. If not for the hair cut, I would have taken him for a journalist. He wears this kind of constant grin, a shark-like grin, I have seen it on journalists when they approach someone. Even Kay practices this expression sometimes, but he isn't this kind of a journalist. The "journalist" has stopped by the white car, frowning. Then he takes a notebook out of his jacket and scribbles something before putting the note behind the windshield wiper. After this he goes away.

Happily, I clap my hands, rising up and getting out of the car again. Nonchalantly, I pass the other car, picking up the note and continuing on my way for a few feet, before I slap my forehead and return to my own car, as if I had forgotten something. Opening the door I look at the note. What the fuck are you doing? Call me at the bureau immediately! That's all. No real message, no telephone number. My beautiful little performance and all I got was this. At least, it proves that the blond man must be the employer of the guy with the briefcase.

Still thinking about the meaning of this message, I see a familiar figure in the mirror. He has made the whole tour around the block. A little stroll while I've been waiting in this car like a fucking idiot. And even now, he still takes his time, looking in the store windows as he passes.

"Thank you for waiting!" He says when he finally reaches the car, opening the door and setting himself beside me. "Now, tell me, what happened!"

"Why the fuck can't you tell me before what you want me to do? Instead of leaving me waiting like an idiot."

This time, I see how he looks in the mirror, but he must have done it all the other time. "I'm not sure, maybe it's just coincidence, but I have seen this car more than once, since that morning. It started to annoy me, to make me nervous." He laughs uncomfortably. "I'm a bit paranoid."

He's a bit paranoid. What else?

"The only thing I can tell you is that this guy got out of his car, right after you, and that he has an pair of binoculars in his car. If he really followed you, while you made the tour around the block, he should be back in a few minutes. I have a note of his license number. Do you want it?"

Shintaro shrugs, but takes the note out of my hand. "What did he look like?"

"Nothing special, like a businessman."

"Was he blond? With a kind of army hair cut?"

Not him. I can't help looking very curiously at my companion, but at the moment when I open my mouth, I see the businessman right in front of me. "There he is, but he hasn't made the whole tour." Shintaro frowns, rubbing his forehead with his hand, while the businessman is going past us, before he gets in his car again. "But there was another man who was blond, had an army hair cut, and" I take the note from my pocket. "abracadabra - left this message on the car."

I'm very proud to offer him the result of my little private investigation, but his reaction isn't as enthusiastic as I expected. He reads the note, still frowning. Then he takes the pencil I have laid in the open glove-box and starts to rubbing it over the whole note, effacing the letters almost completely. Only after this, his lips curl in a tiny smirk.

"After all, your action has not been so useless. Even if this guy knows now that I have seen him." I open my mouth, only to close it immediately, finally understanding the flow of his thoughts. He was sure that the blond guy watched me from somewhere while I was taking the note. But this wasn't my fault. If Shintaro had informed me about his suspicion, I wouldn't have made this error. "The blond man is a private eye called Jasper Cagney. I have seen the business card from his office at the house with the bakery."

"How can you know this? I mean, that he is a private eye."

Shintaro shows me what his scribbling has revealed. The imprints of a notice from the previous leaf of the notebook: French saber, slightly damaged blade, silvery knob with broken rubies, 17th century (?), $50. "He collects old swords. Karen told me." He glances in the mirror. The business man is still sitting in his car, pretending to read a newspaper. "Let's go in!"

"Tell me first who would send a private eye after you?"

"I have absolutely no idea." His smile fades, and his gaze becomes somewhat hazy. What a bad liar he is! "Maybe, the private eye is an undercover agent. The FBI put bugs in Kumiko's phone and the phone at her office." That's nothing new for me. Kay has told me the same about the newspaper he is working for. It's the normal procedure for people who are suspected of communist activities. Doesn't matter if it was true, or not. Some of the FBI guys believe that the Civil Rights Movement is a communist plot. "Maybe, they have included me in their investigations. I don't know."

Sounds very logical, but I still sense that he is hiding something. However, I'm also sure that he wouldn't tell me if I asked him. As usual, it's him who sets the pace.

"What's about these guys you followed?" I ask to change the subject. "You should have waited one second longer, and I would have told you that we have fought with some of them. To help the girls."

"I know that."

"Yes, Mister Super-Detective, but you don't know that they work for this organization I told you about yesterday."

Now, Shintaro's finally impressed, thoughtfully tapping his lips with the pencil. Oh god! Not that! The vision I have would get me immediate damnation. He doesn't even need to smile.

"That's very interesting. The went into a night club that seems to be a hidden casino."

"Don't tell me that you fought them off all while I was waiting here?" I try to joke.

He shakes his head, smiling again, but for my taste, he has a little bit too much amusement in this smirk. "I wouldn't do that. Maybe Karen knows something about this. After all, they are from her neighborhood. Okay, let's go in now!"

*

We can hear the piano from the open door of the Dance School. It's a slow, rather melancholic piece of music, very classical. I'm carrying the larger suitcase that is not so heavy, while Shintaro is carrying the smaller suitcase. He's not at all out of breath. And instead of going to the Kaszowiz apartment, he's guided by the music. I follow him a bit slower.

He has stopped at the entrance of a room with mirrors and large windows, leaning against the frame with closed eyes. The suitcase is standing in the small corridor at the entrance. I'm rather surprised to see the weasel-girl. Though, she had said that she played piano, and was preparing herself for the Academy of Music, I hadn't thought that she could play like that. She was concentrating so hard on her music that she didn't realize we were watching her. Sometimes she frowns, and makes an angry grimace, then repeats a part that sounded perfect to my ears. It was almost unbelievable that I saw that this was the same bouncy and chatty girl, but I could sense that she had collected all her energy and focused it on her music.

And suddenly, I remembered what Arthur had said about her, when I asked him why he hadn't told her about the band. In one of this moments when he was really, really clear in his mind. He said, that she was like a little, living flame when she made music, or when she was absolutely convinced by something. That she had so much strength. That she was able to find her way, to accomplish everything she wanted. And a lot more crap that just served to explain, why he wanted her to stay away from him. Because she would spend all her strength in useless fights if she stayed with him.

"Hey, you jerks," The girl exclaimed, and suddenly stopped playing. "I'm working. What would you do if I watched you for hours while you were working. It sucks!"

"I'm sorry, Miss Mimi." Shintaro excused himself immediately. "I didn't want to disturb you. Just, - Is it Beethoven?"

In a matter of seconds, her angry face melts in a large cheerful smile.

"Yes, indeed, it's the eighth sonata, the pathetic one, you know," She lets out a dramatic, heavy sigh and continues. "and I hate him for writing pieces who sound so easy to play, and in reality, are very difficult. However, he is a real challenge. Now, let me practice!"

She signals us with to go. Turning my back to her, I hear the piece starting at the beginning. A slow suite of long chords. It sounds really very easy to play.

The door of the Kaszowiz apartment is also open, but Shintaro rings the bell, polite as he is. The little missy appears in the doorway, with a happily flushed face and an even brighter smile when she sees us. Her arm hangs in a sling.

"Hi, Kenneth!" Oh, we are already on the first name basis! She glances only quickly at me, nodding, before she turns her attention to him again: "This is such a wonderful day. I had so many nice visitors. Come in!"

"Hi, Karen!" They are indeed both on the first name basis. "I would like to, and -."

"Let's not talk in the doorway or hallway! Come in, and you too!" Finally, she has decided to notice me, and we all can go in the apartment.

If I had known what I had to face, I wouldn't have set foot in the apartment. At the big table in the large kitchen sits Shawn, or Sarah which is how he prefers to be called. He looks even more femme than usual, because he is wearing a dress today. For a second, I'm amazed that the little missy knows a queen, and I think that perhaps she doesn't have any problem with gay people.

Shawn stands up when we enter.

"I hope you feel better today, sweetheart." He says with a somewhat strange voice, but beaming and changing cheek kisses with my companion. I'm on alert immediately. Sweetheart?! I thought, Shawn preferred only guys bigger than him, but - who might know what he wants in connection with this strange little red-head. "You looked so sad yesterday."

No, no, Shintaro told me that he hadn't looked for men last night, he said it and I believe him. But I'm so fucking jealous nevertheless, that someone would pick my lovely friend before me.

"Thank you for your concern. I'm feeling very much better now." He smiles, his hand still laying on this guy's shoulder when he turns to me. "This is Sam Sherman, a friend of mine," He explains, and I don't understand anything. Shawn's eyes grow huge, as if he was stunned. Does he want to pretend not to know me? "and this is Thea Sealsfield. She is Karen's friend, and works with her at the club."

I'm gaping. Fucking shit! Shawn's sister? He has a sister, a twin even as far as I can see. I had sex with him a few times, and now I have confused him with his sister! And her subtle smile tells me that she knows that, but Shintaro notices my reaction but doesn't understand it and looks confused.

"Nice to meet you, Sam, Sarah has told me interesting things about you." Thea says quietly.

"Sarah?" Karen interjects nearly laughing. "Do you really call him that, Thea?"

"It makes him happy. Why shouldn't I call him by whatever name he prefers?"

"But, it is not wise to encourage him in his foolishness."

"Please, Karen, let's not discuss this now. I know your opinion on this matter." I feel so fucking uncomfortable. We are standing in this kitchen, Shintaro without any idea what they are talking about. I'm just hoping that the little missy will not come to conclusions after Thea's reference. Thea finally sighs, shrugging. "I've got to leave now." She breaks the moment of silence, turning to Shintaro. "I hope I'll see you again, sweetheart. It was very nice working with you. But Karen can't stand it any longer, if she had to stay home the entire day."

"Take care, Miss Thea!"

"I'm sorry, Thea. Sometimes I speak without thinking." We can hear the voice of the little missy, when she's walking the other girl to the door. "Please, don't be mad at me!"

Then their voices become just a soft murmur, not loud enough to hear from the kitchen.

"Sarah is a face queen." I use the time to explain, adding even if it was not really necessary. "Her real name is Shawn."

"Oh!" That's all that he says, then tilting his head a bit, he smiles. "That explains a lot."

A few moments later, his shoulders start to shake, and he raises one hand to cover his face. Flushing red is spreading slowly over his cheeks and his neck. And little choked sounds come from behind his hand.

"Hey, there's no need to cry." Embarrassed, I reach out for his shoulder.

"I'm - not - crying." He chokes out, before he clutches my arm and laughs his fucking ass off. "You - should - have seen - your face, when you saw her. It was - You thought - "

"That's it! Just mock me! You heartless bastard!"

My words just make him laugh harder and he is almost leaning against me. And instead of getting angry, I feel a familiar stiffness between my legs and a pounding in my temples. It feels just feels right to grip his arm too.

"Sorry, but - but you look so cute when you are jealous."

I don't believe my ears. What did he just say? Me cute? While I'm still amazed by this words, he regains his balance, letting my arm go. I will open my mouth to protest against his suggestion. To make clear that I haven't been fucking jealous at all. And I'm not cute!

"I'm such a jerk sometimes." Karen says, returning in the kitchen at the very same moment. "I have forgotten how protective Thea is. Her brother wants to be a girl. It's silly, but he is like that. And he is a nice guy nevertheless."

Nevertheless! I would not consider Shawn to be a nice guy, crazy like he is, but I don't say anything. Besides, he's not crazy because he's a queen, only one of the craziest people I know. A real fucking diva.

"But this is not what I wanted to talk about." Karen continues, not realizing the growing tension. She might be just naive, or she might be stupid, either one could cause a lot of problems. "Sit down, please! Do you want something to eat or to drink?"

"No, thank you for your kindness, Karen."

What? I'm hungry, because I have skipped lunch for him.

"I would like something to drink and to eat."

We look at each other, before we start grinning. Karen smiles too, but her glance at me is somewhat angry. Then she goes to get something to drink and to eat out of the fridge.

*

"Thank you for sending Maggie to me, Kenneth!" She says when she comes back with glasses. "She said that I could back to work, if I wanted."

"I didn't send her." Shintaro says smiling, going himself to get a bottle of orange juice. Orange juice? Well, a man has to make some sacrifices. "When did she come?"

"Yesterday, in the late afternoon. You really didn't send her? She came on her own?"

"Obviously," Then he pours juice in the glasses. He still smiles, but his lips are a bit tightened as if he was unhappy. "she is like that. You can always count on her."

"Yeah, I'm completely exhausted now." The yawning weasel-girl interrupts us, stretching. She takes that is supposed to be mine, sits down, and empties it in one gulp.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?"

"You hadn't touched it yet." She says, her tongue quickly swirling around her lips, to collect even the drops left there. Then she takes one of the untouched glasses and sets it before me, beaming. "Did you speak with King Arthur?"

She crosses her arms on the table, resting her chin above them and blinking at me. And I can't tell her. No idea why, but I feel unable to tell this cheerful face, that Arthur preferred not to see her anymore, because he didn't want her to suffer. That he told me to keep my nose out of this affair.

"I forgot."

"You, rooster, I knew it." Quickly she raises up her upper body, punching her little fist in my arm. It doesn't hurt very much, but I'm angry, because I have been so nice to her. And this was the thanks. What an ungrateful girl! "I can't trust you with this."

"Why don't you come to the "Velvet" tomorrow?" Shintaro is asking.

"I would like to, but I can't." Mimi says, almost whining. "They asked me to assist at a meeting. I know it's only a pretext to prevent me from going out at night, but it's an obligation anyway."

"The address is 27, Broome Street." If she wants to become miserable she can do it on her own. "The thing is called 'Underground'. If you aren't faint-hearted, you can pass on Saturday evening." It would not be my fault if she appeared there, anybody could have told her. Her reaction to my words is terrifying, because she is hugging me violently. Oh my, love is such a foolish thing! Everyone infected with it goes fucking crazy. "Hey, I ask you to strangle me!"

The others are chuckling. Mimi lets me go, giggling somewhat nervously. "Whose suitcases are in the hall?" She tries to distract us.

"They are mine."

"I have convinced you. You will take the little apartment!" The little missy exclaims happily.

"I'm not sure, if -"

"No, no. It's such a great idea. Come on, let's have a look to see if we need to arrange anything!"

"But -"

"No," Suddenly, her voice grows very menacing. "the first idea is always the best idea."

He doesn't contradict her again, and we go over to the school again. The entrance to the apartment is at the end of the corridor. And I see that Shintaro has been right. Even if it looks a bit run down, it's a fine place to stay. There's a bathtub with a shower in the small bathroom. It has feet like lion-claws, and I can't help but grin, when Shintaro tells us: "The first time we came here, Kumiko and I, we came to clean, because Kumiko this job offer in the newspaper. I had to help her with the cleaning, and we cleaned this apartment too. I played a little game with myself, pretending that the bathtub was a lion." His smile grows sheepish. "I was nine years old, you understand."

My grin gets a bit strained, when I imagine him lying in the bathtub filled with bubbling water, outstretched lazily. His hair down, spread in the water, sticking on his skin. This skin would be covered with water drops and goose-bumps, tightening -

"Sam, what are you dreaming about?" He is asking at the door. The others have already left the room. His eyes are sparkling lights, lingering from my head to my feet. "Yes, I can picture it. But the other picture is very nice too."

Then he laughs quietly, leaving me alone. I have the strong suspicion, that he adores flirting. And it's not the first time I have this idea. Is it what still keeps me attracted? I know that tonight I will return home as unsatisfied as all the other days. So what is all this effort for?

Oh yes, I will even go alone to the movies. It's decided when we are all looking at the main room. The room itself is quite nice, with two windows, one of them leading to a fire escape, a small day bed, an armchair, an old dresser, a little bookshelf hanging on the wall, and a small desk with a chair. But whoever has was the last boarder, he left the apartment in a more terrible condition as I would. The little missy turns bright red, because she didn't know it, or forgot it.

"I know what I will be doing the rest of the day." My lovely red-head says sighing. That is the moment I've deciding that I'd better disappear. I'm nobody's cleaning lady.

When I'm already on the stairs, he comes after me: "Wait a moment! I wanted to thank you!"

"What for?" I ask, stopping and returning. The frustration that he wants to spend the rest of the day cleaning, diminishes a bit.

"For being there when I needed it, for forcing me to talk about the things bothering me, for - " His cheeks are slightly redden, while he starts playing with my jacket. Then he laughs quietly, a bit nervously. "Good grief! How clumsy! I'm not so good at this anymore, you know."

"You are good enough."

I say, grinning at his embarrassment. Did I already say how cute he looks like that? I clutch his shirt, to pull him towards me. The smile I sense when our lips meet, fades quickly when he answers my kiss with his usual fervor, not clumsy at all. I don't know how long this blissful moment lasts. Whenever my hands are buried in the silky mass of his hair, or lying on the small of his back, or cupping his ass, I never have any notion of time.

It is the sharp gasp of a third person who distracts me from the delicious textures of his mouth. Mimi is looking at us in complete shock.

"How can you?" She blurts out. "How can you face damnation without any regret?"

My jaw is tightening at her words, I'm speechless. Shintaro isn't, wherever he finds the courage to say such things: "I don't believe in the damnation you are talking about, or heaven, or hell. The only hell, and the only damnation I know are made by the hatred and the fears of human beings. The only heaven I know is making other people smile. That's all there is and I can live with that."

Wow! Fair enough! You don't even need the menace of hellish flames to suffer with such a belief. But the girl doesn't understand this.

"Not believing it doesn't make it disappear! Being an atheist doesn't save you." She doesn't wait for any reply, running down the stairs.

"Now, she hates us."

"No, I don't think so. It troubles her that she could feel sympathy for people like us however."

This man's just crazy, in the weirdest way I could imagine. Believing in humanity, in reason and tolerance. Defending a crazy girl who sees us already rotting in hell. I can't really understand what gives him the endurance for that.

"So, will you tell your little landlady, that you too are a silly man who wants to be a girl?"

"I don't want to be a woman, but - I think I should wait for the right moment." He isn't completely indifferent to negative feelings, or prejudges, although he tries. I can read it in the embarrassed expression on his face, and how he starts to chew his bottom lip "Not today! As I said I'm a coward about this."

"Sure. That's what you have just proved."

"Alright, Sam!" Shintaro takes a deep breath. "I will go back and start to clean up this mess."

"You are a perfect little housewife."

"Shut up, Sam!" He says and closes my mouth with another kiss, more playful this time, before he gives me a little slap on my buttocks. "See you!"

Whenever you want, we still have something to conclude. I turn away before he can see how much this prospect delights me.

Author's notes:

1. Let's talk about twins! I hope you like Thea and Shawn/Sarah Sealsfield aka Tae and Sae Sekihara. I inserted them because I needed a few more people who can figure in the up-coming parties in my later parties. And for torturing Sam a bit with his ex-lovers. (Sometimes, I'm a very mischievous goddess for my poor creatures.)

2. Let's talk about other characters: In the last chapter, I have presented Kumiko as the most important original character. Other original characters playing a considerable role are Brian Reynolds and (although his name) Sozaru. Brian Reynolds was not supposed to be an important character in the beginning. And even now, he is just one of these guys, who in the manga, help the bad guys. Sozaru is really dead, and will not reappear out of his grave, but he has importance for more than one person in this story. He isn't Okita, and the name is based on a character from the movie "Tabou", or "Gohatto" called Sozaburo. It just sounded nice to my ears, and as much as for Jaspar Cagney, or Kenneth Farrel I chose a name which just plopped in my head.

3. Let's talk about movies! Comparing Arthur with Errol Flynn is just a sign of Sam's disrespectful view on his cousin. Errol Flynn is especially famous for playing one of the first Robin Hood's. Today, his playing attitude seems rather pathetic.
Humphrey Bogart has figured in some detective movies, like Raymond Chandler's Philipp Marlowe and Sam Spade in "The Maltese Falcon" (based on the book of Dashiell Hammett). If you think that Sam's performance of a private detective looked somewhat stupid, you are right.

4. Let's talk about American-Japanese history: I have read and hope that it is true that Americans with Japanese origins received American passports in 1952. The journey to Japan I invented just for my story, and I'm not sure how and if people could have gotten such a permission already in the Fifties.
Yes, it's purpose that Sam doesn't connect anything with the name of Nagasaki.

5. Let's talk about Beethoven: The piano Sonata, No. 8, called "Pathetic", is one of the pieces Mimi prepares for her competition. I chose it because, the mentioned Adagio is familiar for people who have seen the Kyoto Arc until its end. It is the piece played when Yumi dies.

6. Let's talk about life and New York:
After one of my sources, a face queen is a man who wears make-up, but not women's clothes.
The mentioned police raid on the West Street has no importance for the storyline, but I introduced it to describe the anti-gay or anti-lesbian atmosphere in this time.
The West Street was like one part of the Washington Square Park a place frequented by gay men to look for contacts.

7. Last but not least: Thank you:

Kensuyoko for reviewing the first chapter and the last chapter. Every review is an encouragement for me.

Pirandella for all what I owe you. I hope I could surprise you as you wanted.

Fitz because I care a lot about your opinion.

Please, dear and worthy readers, be nice to me and let me know your opinion. Everything (excepted really flames) is welcome and will help me to make the story better.