Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ First Moments ❯ Chapter 5 ( Chapter 5 )

AN: Well, uh…heh. Whoo, boy. This last chapter took much, much longer than even I am willing to admit to. I'm sorry! I'm sorryImsorryimsorryimsorry. Ironic how the last chapter is the longest, right? Anyway, I hope you enjoy. This chapter is pretty long, and I hope it brings things to a decent close (or at least makes up for the shortness of that last chapter). Please let me know what you think. As always, thanks for reading.

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.

-Peter Ustinov

Chapter 5

Early rays of morning sunlight peeked over the walls of the Kamiya dojo, bathing the yard in a warm glow. A bird twittered loudly from a nearby tree, drawing the attention of a red-haired man kneeling over a washbasin. He looked up sharply at the offending creature, causing it to flutter away in alarm. Cold golden eyes contrasted sharply with the innocent daylight.

The creature of bloody memory retreated back into the darkness, leaving an exhausted rurouni staring down at the large hole he had rubbed into one of Yahiko's training yukatas. With a groan, Kenshin sat back on his heels and held up the ruined garment. There was no way that this could be fixed, at least not with his limited skills. Kenshin held the material up to one eye, sighing when he could see the front gate clearly through the hole.

"Now I owe Yahiko an apology and some new clothes." He said aloud, and wondered for a moment if the small stack of coins in his room would be enough to cover the costs. Enough of that. Snapped a small voice in his head. Your apology for last night would be worth more to him than new clothes. Kenshin closed his eyes and recalled the look in Yahiko's eyes. It was an emotion he was used to producing in people. The smell of fear practically rolled off the bodies of the Battousai's victims; the smell of rotten unwashed flesh as they sensed Death with a flashing blade seeking…

He dropped the offending material into the dirt and smacked the side of his head hard. It seemed that the memories were coming more often recently, as if to remind him of the first time he had willfully killed an innocent so many years ago. Kenshin sighed and picked up the now-dirty yukata and tossed it back into the wash basin. If he tried to do any more laundry, it wouldn't be only Yahiko's old garment with a hole in it. Anyway, the rest of the group would be awake soon; maybe it would be best to get breakfast started. He hung the clean pieces of laundry and headed for the kitchen.

~

Before long, the smell of roasting vegetables filled the kitchen with a pleasant aroma. Sano stumbled in first, looking more rumpled than usual. He nodded his thanks as Kenshin set a bowl of rice and steaming greens out and wolfed down a helping without a word. Idly, he watched the short rurouni stirring rice and occasionally adding a bit of spice to the contents of his cooking pan. The street fighter scratched his head, wondering if he should intrude on the purple-eyed man's private thoughts. Eventually he threw caution to the wind.

"Well?" Kenshin started, and then sheepishly turned to look at his friend. "Well what?" He replied innocently. Sano sighed, and tossed his chopsticks into his empty bowl. "You know what I'm talking about. What's with that look in your eyes? And what about last night?" The rurouni's smiling mask twitched lightly, letting the brown haired man know he had hit a nerve.

They stared at each other, one challenging and one hiding until Kenshin turned back to stirring the items in the pan. He pursed his lips thoughtfully before speaking. "Have you ever done something that you wished more than anything to take back?" Puzzled, Sano blinked at him. What was he talking about? There was the uncharacteristic outburst with Kaoru last night…maybe he meant his whole past as the Battousai. He paused, unsure of what to say. Curiosity wanted him to take the smaller man and scream for him to just spit it out already, but after spending time with the enigmatic man, another part wanted to treat his question as diplomatically as possible. Finally, he settled for cracking his knuckles. Kenshin seemed frozen, waiting for a reply. There was a small amount of desperation in his eyes that made him seem younger than his years.

"Sure. There's lots of things that I'm sure we'd all like to change." He nodded to himself. "I would've done some things a lot different…maybe used some words instead of my fists to get outta trouble." He grinned a little in memory as Kenshin chewed on his lip. "But that's not to say that I'd go out and change things if given the opportunity." He continued. "Sometimes things happen for a reason, whether you planned 'em that way or not."

A spark appeared in the gentle man's purple eyes, and Sano sat back on his elbows, satisfied. It was at that moment that Yahiko wandered in, rubbing his eyes and sniffing his way to the small table. Kenshin was careful to smile at the boy, and even gave him a larger helping than Sano had managed to consume. The young boy gave his breakfast mate a few questioning glances, as if to ask "What's with him?" When the object in question turned his back for a second, the shoulders of Sano's "Wicked" jacket shrugged up and down once. Yahiko sniffed lightly, and dismissed the abnormally cheerful attitude of the short swordsman.

Unbeknownst to both, Kenshin was trying hard not to laugh. None of their silent communication slipped past him, but he didn't let on otherwise. The sudden change in his demeanor had been the result of Sano's carefully chosen words. Sometimes the spiky-haired rooster was smarter than he appeared. Some things happen for a reason…whether you planned 'em that way or not." The truth of Sano's words had hit Kenshin with a resounding truth: it was all in the past. The past was over and done with. He could bemoan it until his dying day, but it would never change. But now…

"I have the present and the future to think of." He whispered, and this time he did miss the curious look Sano and Yahiko shared. It was as if a great burden rose off his shoulders and fluttered away into nothingness. He felt his heart lift for the first time since realizing the anniversary of blood and cold rain was nearing. Maybe today he-

The scent of soft jasmine wafted into the room, drifting directly to his nostrils to alert him of her presence. He deliberately turned his back to her as the feeling of euphoria dropped his heart with a heavy 'thud' back into his chest. Kaoru's voice exchanged greetings with her student and freeloader before the expectant pause grabbed and dragged him to turn and face her.

Guilt weighed heavily upon him as he spotted the already-fading bruise on her wrist. Sano stood, tugging on Yahiko's sleeve as the pair made a silent exit. Keshin's purple eyes dropped back down to the floor. She moved then, positioning herself in front of the table like every morning since his arrival. He still couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes, turning to fill a bowl with care before placing it in front of her.

The bowl burned hot against his hand, but he willingly accepted the pain as some small part of retribution for the bruise on her wrist. Kaoru's fingers snapped out and closed around his wrist, causing his eyes to widen before letting out a small squeak of surprise. "You hurt your hand." She stated, and turned his hand palm-up to inspect the heat blisters that were already beginning to form on the pads of his fingers.

Kenshin tried feebly to pull away, but the girl had his wrist in an iron grip and refused to let go. She tugged at him until the short man was forced into a kneeling poison in front of her. She grabbed his chin with her free hand, shaking it back and forth until he met her gaze. Here, he found he could get lost. Kaoru's innocent blue eyes were filled with emotions he found himself wanting to accept. Trust…forgiveness…hope. She smiled as his purple eyes searched her face. There was so much that he wanted to say to her….so much he wanted to show and give…but his touch was deadly and his love was burdened with sorrow.

And then, something happened. Kaoru broke the gaze. The burned fingers of his right hand rose to her lips. She kissed each finger gently, pausing between each digit to watch his reaction. His initial reaction had been to pull away, but her sweet lips against his skin cooled the pain and brought tears to his eyes with each action. When her simple action was complete, Kaoru turned his hand, enfolding her long elegant fingers with his as they kneeled, facing one another.

Kenshin found his mouth agape as he stared at her. His mind was blank as he tried to comprehend the warm fingers entwined with his. In all rights, he should have never met her; instead heaped with all the indignities that a past like his had earned. But now…now he wasn't so sure that those memories of blood should remain the focal point of atonement for his life.

A slight pressure on his hand drew him back. Kaoru smiled gently at him before brushing the fingers of her free hand against the tears rolling down his cheeks. She had so many questions for him, but currently they were all forgotten as he leaned forward and kissed her fully. Time froze for a moment before Kenshin drew back from the blushing assistant master of the Kamiya Dojo.

"I am sorry, Miss Kaoru. This unworthy one had no right-" She cut him off with a finger to his lips. "Promise me something, Kenshin." Her voice was soft. At his nod, she sucked in a breath. "Will you tell me someday?" He fidgeted, unsure. "I want to know what makes you cry." He frowned slightly. Such memories as his were not the sort of story anyone would want to hear. Kenshin opened his mouth to protest, but Kaoru cut him off.

"I don't care about your past. What's done is done, and no matter what you say or do, nothing can change that." The speech she had planned out for him ended abruptly as the former assassin shook his head and stood. He offered her a hand up and led her to look out at the yard of the dojo. By this time sunlight filtered through the treetops. The twittering bird was back, whistling merrily from its perch. A light wind caressed their faces.

"From the first moment I met you, I knew something was bound to change." Kenshin's light voice rumbled. He stared out at the yard, refusing to meet her questioning glance. "Since I came here, there have been many first moments for me." He smiled then, and the act lifted the corners of his eyes. There was a long pause as they stood looking out at the morning. It was quiet, save for the bird's unending song, and Kaoru could almost hear the trees sighing.

"I had another first moment today. First with Sano, and then just now with you." This time a graceful eyebrow raised as she looked at him. His gaze turned on her, and Kaoru saw an image of herself reflected in his eyes. "I've come to realize that in order to ever be happy, I need to accept my past. There were many things that I did which I now regret, and as a result of those actions I lost some part of myself in the process." He grabbed her hand and tugged her out to sit on the step beside him. Kaoru followed wordlessly. The red-haired man gently reached for her hand and studied it before continuing. "I think that some things happen for a reason. Sometimes that can be good or bad, but you learn something in the process."

He shut his eyes and tilted his face up to the sun, imagining cold rain drops instead of warm sunlight. Kaoru studied his profile, growing slightly impatient as the rurouni gathered his thoughts. "I did many bad things in my past. Last night was the anniversary of one that marked me. By my memory, that girl would have been only a few years older than you are now." Beside him, Kaoru sucked in a breath. Kenshin opened his eyes and looked at her. Those compassionate eyes were filled with tears, but he found himself shaking his head. "Please, do not cry Miss Kaoru. These are old wounds." He smiled at her and stood.

She smiled back, swiping at a tear. "There was a lot in your life that I wish you never had to see or remember." Kaoru gnawed on her lower lip before grinning up at him wickedly. "I suppose there are some things you wish to hide, as well." She produced the dish Kenshin had cracked the night before from under the step. It was slightly grimy, but that was to be expected of something that had spent the night hidden deep in a garbage heap.

Kenshin's eyes widened. "M-Miss Kaoru…how d-did you…" He backed up as Kaoru pushed herself off the step and advanced. "I can understand a lot of things about you, Kenshin Himura." She said a little too sweetly. "And I can also count. There was one less bowl last night after your little chopstick-breaking escapade…which you also owe me for." The red-haired man managed a pathetic chuckle.

With a warrior cry, the Kamiya Kashin assistant manager lunged after the wandering swordsman. Dark past or not, she didn't care. However, her broken dish cried out for vengeance, which Kaoru was happy to oblige. Whatever part of Kenshin's past still haunting him was exactly that. As far as she was concerned, his kiss and confession was that of the sweet purple-eyed rurouni, not some monstrous creature from the past. It had been the first time Kenshin had ever opened up to her enough to get a glimpse of the man he could be. Kaoru hoped that first moment was only one of many.