Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ First Moments ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

Me again, folks. Standard disclaimers apply. I just want to warn everyone that this may be the last chapter to this story for a while. (Probably about a week, at least.) Summer classes start in a few days, and I probably won't have time to pen another chapter. Expect a short dry spell. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story. Me love you long time! A special thanks to Haku Baiku for archiving this little fic of mine on her lovely website (Go check it out! www. hakubaikou.com ). Once again, thank you everyone. All of your reviews have made this story a labor of love to write. (Versus just a labor.) Anyway, enough babbling. On with the story.

First Moments

Chapter 3

The ceiling truly was boring. In the faint moonlight, Kaoru could pick out the shadow of several thick beams overhead, but they were not the cure for her insomnia. She stared up into the darkness, hoping sleep would come. No such luck. She rubbed at her aching eyes. By her mental figuring, it had been about two hours since the incident in the kitchen.

Overall, it had been a pretty weird night. The scene at dinner kept replaying through her mind, leaving her wide-awake. After a full day of training-no, yelling at-Yahiko, she was usually asleep instantly. The assistant master to the Kamiya dojo shifted onto her right side, curling up into the softness of her futon. She tried closing her eyes. It worked for a minute, but then Kenshin's face projected itself clearly onto her closed eyelids. With a sigh, she sat up and wrapped her arms around her knees. What's wrong with me? Although the night was quite warm, she could not suppress the shudder that rippled through her body.

Despite her relatively young age, Kaoru considered herself quite knowledgeable in the ways of the world. Her father's students had whispered about everything, but the stories she remembered best had involved the latest news of the battles that took their toll on the country. As she grew older, the older boys' whisperings expanded to include outrageous tales of men who killed like machines. The assassins were fearless legends whose ruthlessness knew no bounds.

Especially ones like the Hitokiri Battousai. She repeated the words aloud. As expected, there was no reply. And now, that same legend is living under my roof. The irony of the thought made her smirk. Only…he wasn't just the Battousai. Kenshin appeared to be just a simple man with no attachments to any place other than her simple dojo. His short stature and almost feminine features always caught attackers off-guard. If she didn't know any better, Kenshin would have been a completely harmless man, incapable of even hurting a fly. And then, his past would catch up with him. It always seemed to happen at the most inopportune times.

Tonight, for example. After her initial anger and confusion had subsided, Kaoru could still not get the image of those glowing eyes out of her head. It wasn't as if she hadn't seen him like that before. Whenever he was forced to protect his friends, the Battousai peered out. But tonight, there had been no mortal enemies of the Battousai to provoke his inner demon. At least it wasn't your cooking that set him off. She mused. He had seemed all right when she helped him prepare dinner. The sound of rain on the roof had been pleasant background noise to signify the end of a typically tiring day. Of course, it had only been a light rain at that time.

That's odd. She thought. Her mind caught onto the rain idea, and backpedaled to study the thought further. As it started to rain harder, the more quiet and withdrawn he became. Granted, Yahiko had been a little upset over the thunder, but that was only a childish reaction that adults like her had perfect control over. Mentally, she heard Sano laughing at her from some hidden recess of her brain. Shaking her head, the young woman buried her face in the blanket covering her knees.

"Think, Kaoru!" She murmured. Why was he so upset? It wasn't hard to see that he had mentally been far away when she tried to touch him earlier that night. It had been stupid of her to try and shake him out of his reverie. She wasn't stupid, but she still hadn't noticed that anything was wrong. The redheaded man had sworn to protect her, though. Didn't that include protecting her from himself? She raised her head and rubbed at the sore spot on her wrist, wincing slightly. It wasn't that bad, but she was willing to bet that he would be back to his old self the next morning, following her around with "Sessha" this and "Gomen nasai, Kaoru-dono" until she went crazy with his constant apologies.

After his strange display of affection only a few hours ago though, it was going to be hard to put up with all that groveling in the morning, especially if she couldn't get to sleep right now. Again, she tried closing her eyes. This time her hand began to tingle where he had held it against his scarred cheek. If it hadn't been for that scar, she would never have believed that the gentle rurouni really was the feared Battousai. Maybe someday he would tell her the story behind that loathsome mark, but for now, her curiosity was centered on the evening's events. She needed some answers. After all, Kenshin was her friend. If he needed to talk, she would always be more than willing to listen. The only way she could ever confront him about whatever was troubling him had to be now, while it was still dark. Her cheeks were already burning at the thought of what Sano and Yahiko would say if they knew she had been in his room, but that was a risk she had to take.

With a decisive grunt, Kaoru threw back the light cover and rose. Sometime during her musings, it had completely stopped raining. Her footsteps were light as she stepped out of her room, but they echoed down the hall nonetheless. Making sure that her sleeping hakama was tightly secured, Kaoru paused outside his door. What are you doing? Plan on just walking in and asking what's wrong in the middle of the night? "Shut up, brain." She whispered, and quietly slid the door open.

The room was filled with bright moonlight and dark shadows. Her eyes sought out the futon in the center of the room, expecting to see his still form curled up. Kaoru gulped upon viewing the empty sleeping mat. Where is he? She wondered, and poked her head fully into the room. Finally, she spotted him over in a dark corner. His back was up against the wall, right arm wrapped lightly about his sword. Luckily, his eyes were closed. Kaoru watched him for a minute, noting the steady rise and fall of his chest. He looked so peaceful there. Her gaze took in his face. His brows were crunched together, and she could imagine the movement of his purple eyes beneath their lids.

Well, whatever he was dreaming, it certainly wasn't about doing the laundry. As she watched, his arm clenched tighter about the scabbard, drawing it in even closer. A muscle in his leg twitched, and a soft puff of breath escaped his lips. Kaoru took a step into the room, intent on wrapping the nearby blanket around his shoulders. She got halfway across the room before his whole body tensed and she froze. What are you going to say when he wakes up and finds you in his room? There was no good answer for that one, and she frowned slightly. That would be a problem, wouldn't it? Well, it wasn't as if she had any less-than-honorable intent in being there.

Deep within the dream, Kenshin visibly relaxed and Kaoru resumed her cautious tiptoe. With a quick yank, the blanket came untucked from the corners of the futon, and she approached him. From the right side, there was no trace of the scar that covered his left cheek. He looked completely innocent; almost like a little boy, and she felt a small smile cross her face. Kenshin could be quite dense at times, but sometimes she could not help but wonder if it would ever be possible for him to feel the same way she did. Besides, he looked really cute when he was sleeping. Baka. Get your mind back where it should be. Well…here goes. She sucked in a breath. The blanket tucked itself nicely between his right shoulder and the wall, leaving Kaoru holding the other edge. There was no reaction from the sleeping man. She stood holding the corner of the blanket for at least thirty seconds, waiting to see if he would wake up.

Pleased with her apparent success, Kaoru pondered how to get the reverse-blade away from his tight grasp so she could wrap the rest of the blanket around him. Idly, she wondered what it would be like to be held so tightly in his strong arms. The edge of the blanket threatening to fall out of her slack grasp snapped the nervous girl out of her train of thought. With a mental prayer to the gods, she wrapped her hand around the base of the scabbard and tugged. Suspiciously, his arm relaxed against her ministrations. There was little resistance to her efforts and the sword was set aside with ease. Suddenly remembering the look in his eyes as her palm cupped his cheek, Kaoru gently folded the remaining edge of blanket between the sleeping man and the wall. Careful not to trip over the sword, she backed away a few feet to stare at him.

There was still no sign that her actions had awakened the sleeping man. His head now tilted slightly towards his left side, casting soft shadows over the planes of his face. A motherly urge to rush up and tuck him into bed tugged at Kaoru, but she ignored it, gliding soundlessly out of his room and shutting the door softly behind her. The trip back to her room was uneventful, but Kaoru felt the first twinges of sleepiness weave into her body as she crawled gratefully between the warm covers. She fell asleep with a smile on her face, the last image to mind being that of her sweet rurouni sleeping peacefully.

~

In actuality, the red-haired man was wide awake. The bloody dream he had been trapped in faded away as soon as the assistant master's footstep reached his ears. There was no way that anyone other than one of his friends could have gotten so close without him sensing their presence. It had been a valuable talent during the nights the Battousai had slept outdoors, but Kaoru had no knowledge of this. Her ki, normally a light blue feeling, was tinged with the yellow of curiosity and a slight bit of fearful red. Since he had decided to feign sleep, it was an eternity of waiting behind his eyelids to hear her movement again.

He heard the small grunt as she pulled the blanket from the clutches of the futon. The whisper of the thick material against the wood floor was as loud as a shout to his trained senses, and therefore it came as no surprise when he felt her hand tuck the corner behind his shoulder. It was almost too easy to play like this. He should let her know that he was awake without scaring her, and apologize for his actions at dinner. Then again, it felt good to have someone fussing over him like this.

The ghost of a smile threatened his mouth as he felt her reach tentatively for his sword. He thought briefly of making her fight for it, but most likely she would have fled, so he tossed the idea away, relaxing as her small hand tugged at the sheathed sword. Her movements were fluid as she moved, placing the slim weapon quietly on the floor and moving to his other side. Kenshin allowed his head to ease slowly to the left, and he peeked at her as she stood staring down at him. From his position in the shadows, she couldn't see the moonlit glint in his eye.

Unaware of her not-so-sleeping rurouni, the girl's eyes took on a faraway look before her grip on the blanket loosened. Kenshin shut his eyes fully as she resumed tucking the errant corner behind his other shoulder and arranging the blanket over his arms. What had he ever done to deserve the attentions of this tenderhearted woman? He heard her quiet retreat, waiting a full minute after the door shut to shift positions. Guilt came flooding back to him as he remembered how he had injured her. If the perpetrator had been Sano, he would not have felt any of this. Kenshin's eyes flew open, tinged with flecks of gold. If only he had not allowed himself to get lost in memories of the past, Kaoru's intrusion would not have ended in injury. The reflex to grab at anything near his face had been one of the Battousai's many tricks. It kept him alive and unharmed.

Haven't you left that life behind? The flat, emotionless voice in his head was the one Kenshin associated with the Battousai aspect of his personality. He had left that life behind. The bloodlust and violence were explained away as necessary attitudes for the hitokiri to survive. That part of his personality had carefully been buried away! He had worked so hard to keep that part of himself locked away. But despite his best efforts, memories of the past still brought forth the darker version of himself. Thinking about the past only meant that it eventually found him again, which also meant that any of his friends could get hurt. You proved that well enough tonight. The mental voice chuckled. With a shuddery sigh, Kenshin leaned forward to rest his head in his hands. Kaoru-dono had been the latest casualty in the war with himself. Even despite his harsh reaction to her simple gesture of thanks, the blue-eyed girl still showed him forgiveness. And affection…don't forget how undeserving you are of that. He closed his eyes briefly, regretting the truth of that thought.

There was no way he could face her tomorrow morning. Pretending to be asleep to avoid her was one thing, but he couldn't hide from her or the others forever. Without a doubt, there would be questions in the morning. It hurt every time he lied, putting a smile on his face and telling her that he was fine to avoid the truth. Knowing that he had hurt her, however unintentionally, was bad enough. Giving into the pull of her goodness was worse. Never in the years of training with Hiko had there been a lesson on how to avoid matters of the heart. Tomorrow morning he would get up to do the laundry, and see that bruise on her wrist. Kenshin deliberately banged the back of his stupid thick skull against the wall, silently cursing himself. No retribution would erase the coldness of guilt that had settled into his bones.

Tomorrow morning, he would find a way to set things right. First thing, he would apologize to Sano and Yahiko, who had certainly been upset by more than a mere thunderstorm. Kaoru was a different matter. He had hurt her. No matter how many times she forgave him, Kenshin doubted he would be able to forgive himself. She did not deserve someone like him…someone who could ever hurt her. Yes, starting tomorrow he was going to protect her, even if it meant from himself.

The fresh memory of her eyes staring at his supposedly sleeping form came back stronger than ever. He caught himself rubbing the cheek she had so recently caressed, wishing that he could freeze that moment forever. No man with his stained past could ever be deserving of that look in her eyes, but it had been there regardless. Even in the middle of the night, Kaoru looked lovely. Her sleeping yukata was rumpled and her hair was messy, but he couldn't imagine a more beautiful sight. Her image comforted him when he least deserved it. Kenshin doubted that he would sleep again this night.

The feel of hot tears welling in his eyes contrasted sharply with the coldness of his body, and the rurouni gathered the blanket closer about him. After all, she had placed it on him, and the simple gesture was worth far more than words. He fell asleep, and dreamed again of rain; only this time each drop was as a warm tear, one for each person dead at his hand. The gray sky poured down all the sorrow of the Battousai's blade and flooded the world.

`*'

AN: Oh, and if anybody has actually pondered the title of this story…well, don't. There isn't any specific reason I named it as I did. 'First Moments' just happened to be the first decent title that popped into mind. I'm off for some good old sleep myself. Sweet dreams, and thanks for reading.