Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Haunting Memory (Act II) ❯ Haunting Memory (Act II) ( Chapter 1 )

Haunting Memory

(Act II)

by

BarbaraSheridan

This was inspired by Song of the Muse's story Haunting Memory and I hope I've done that moving tale justice....

I paste the same bright smile upon my face that I do so often of late. I

hold our son tightly in one arm and wave to you with the other as the

train begins to pull out of the station. You tell us to hurry back, that

you'll miss us and I'm forced to bite back the pain your words cause

because I know the truth. I think I've always known the truth despite my

best efforts to deny it time and again.

You love me and Kenji, I know you do. You would do anything for us, even

die for us if need be, and yet as hard as we try we can't ever be the

center of your world the way you are the center of ours.

I understand, really I do and I know it isn't your fault that

something--someone-- is always between us like a wall of glass.

A first love is something special and sacred even if that first love was

begun under false pretenses. She was a big part of your life at a time

when you were so alone in the world, still a boy forced to live the role

of a cruel and heartless man. She knew things, saw things about you

that I can't even fully dream of, but does that make it easier to bear?

No, not for me at least.

I let the forced smile fall and breathe a tired sigh as you fade from

view, and become nothing but a blur of fuchsia, red and white in the

fading sunlight. I go to the compartment with Kenji and run my fingers

through his silky red hair. He is every inch your son and I take

satisfaction in knowing that I gave you the one thing she couldn't, a

child.

And yet, the scar she left you seems to dim even this shining light in

your life. I wonder if you even realize how many times you touch it. You

do it when you're sitting quietly and think no one is watching. You seem

to touch it often just before you drift off to sleep or when you sit

beside Kenji's futon and watch him in the wee hours of the night.

Does she still mean so much to you? Do you wish it was her eyes you see

when you look at your son's face?

A miserable ache begins to knot my stomach and I force my thoughts away

from you and your dead wife. I order myself to remember the reason for

the trip to Kyoto though I know I can't deny the hidden reason I have

for going.

I'm glad you had to stay behind in Tokyo. I don't think I could bear to

have you go to /her/, not now, not since I've made myself grow up and

acknowledge the sadness that will forever linger in the depths of your

beautiful violet eyes.

***

There are tears in my eyes when I see Misao and her newborn baby boy. I

remember Kenji's birth and how happy I was, how awed by the miracle of

the tiny child we'd created. But that isn't the reason I cry. I cry

because I see in the eyes of Aoshi Shinomori the look I would give

anything to see in yours.

Aoshi is as stoic and unemotional as ever but I can see the truth. I've

become an expert at seeing what really lies within a person's soul.

Misao and that baby are everything to him. They are the reason he wakes

each day, their love is the comforting blanket that lulls him to sleep

at night. They are his life and he is theirs and dear sweet Misao will

never have to know the pain that I've come to know.

Okon and Omasu come to visit and I take the opportunity to slip away. I

ask Okina to watch over Kenji while he naps and I go to the cemetery.

That is why I've come. To confront Tomoe once and for all.

I stand before the simple grave and tell myself over and over that I

can't follow my instinct which is to scream and kick and demand that she

let go of the hold she has on you. I kneel on the ground, trace her

name on the stone with my fingertip and I wonder what she was like. Did

she love you the way I love you? Would she feel the pain I feel if she

were here and I haunted you the way she does?

The crunch of heavy footsteps on fallen leaves alerts me to a presence.

I feel the subtle power he exudes, so like yours yet so different. I

know who it is without having to turn though I do so anyway. I rise,

wincing when my knee aches. Have I really been here so long?

Hiko extends his large hand and I take it, allowing him to help me up.

I don't bother with superficial greetings I simply give him a determined

stare and ask, "Did you know her? What was she like?"

?I have no idea,? he says in answer to both. ?I know what you know, that

her death was an accident that haunts him more than all the murders he

committed in the name of the Ishin Shishi.?

I breathe a dispirited sigh. What did I expect? To hear that she was

conniving, that she planned her death, her everlasting torture of your

soul? The sound of Hiko's deep voice brings me out of my thoughts.

?I have been told often that I do not understand the mysterious workings

of a woman's foolish heart. I have no desire to understand it despite

Okon's insistence, but I do understand that some things are best

pondered over a cup of good sake.

With that, he places his hand on my back and gently propels me away from

the grave.

The cup of sake soon becomes three and little by little the ache in my

heart eases. I suppose it shows because that's when Hiko speaks.

"How long have you know my baka deshi?"

"It will be six years soon."

"What did he do before you met him?"

"He wandered, tried to atone for his days as the Battousai.?

He stares at me the way I've seen him stare at you and I imagine I'm

soon to be called Mrs. Baka Deshi.

Hiko tosses back another sake and gives me a hard look. "When did he

stop being a rurouni?"

The gentle fog that the sake has brought lifts as your master's words

echo in my head. And slowly, so very slowly, the meaning of the lesson

becomes clear. "Kenshin stopped wandering almost six years ago."

The self satisfied smirk I get in reply hardly bothers me and I stand.

"Thank you."

"I've done nothing."

"You've done everything," I say with a genuine smile as I leave and

return to the cemetery.

This time I stand and I stare rebelliously at the gravestone. I speak to

her without a care of being heard.

"I won't let you win, Tomoe. I won't. Kenshin is in my world, the living

world. He is my husband and the father of my son and I won't let

you come between us anymore.

I don't care how many times he calls out your name on those cold nights

that bring the past back to him. From now on I'll do what I've been

afraid to do. I'll hold him and comfort him and tell him how very much I

love him and I'll see that the hold you have on him stops."

With that I turn and stride back to the Aoiya to enjoy the next hours

with our friends and our son.

~end~

So, what did you think? The whole present tense thing isn't something I

usually do but that's the way the story came out so I went with it.

Leave a review, send me an email, whatever.