Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Heaven In Your Arms ❯ Tears ( Chapter 16 )

Chapter 16: Tears

 

Three weeks later…

 

Sano's month with Kenshin had been pure bliss. Everyone always said that no one's perfect, but hey, they'd never met Kenshin! They'd settled in together so quickly it was like they had already been together for years. As the entire college now knew they were together, thanks to that love bite and Sano blurting out who had given it to him, the two of them at first had to be careful about the other teachers reactions, but luckily as there wasn't too much of an age difference as there could have been, no one seemed to mind, or just not care.

Either way was good for them, so Sano had no problem with kissing Kenshin whenever he could during the day, even when he had done it in the lunch hall in front of every student, getting a mixed reaction of gasps, wolf whistles, depressed cries and disgusted groans all at the same time from the surrounding students.

 

The KGHG had gradually obtained more and more members over the month as the news of the group had spread around, and Kaoru, who had appointed herself head counselor, had asked Kenshin many a time now to come and join them in one of their meetings and just pretend just for half an hour that he liked girls, which of course just got a confused look from Kenshin having never heard of this meeting and wondering what on earth was going on with the crying girls behind her.

 

Sano had been pestered relentlessly from both girls and guys. The girls either loved him or hated him. Those who loved him would come up to him asking what it was like being gay, if Kenshin was totally hot in bed, and various other questions that Sano left them with nothing but a wink as an answer.

Those who hated him would follow him around and spy on him, trying to steer him away from Kenshin, and throwing various objects at him whenever he got too close. This had annoyed Sano at first, but after a while, he would just turn to them and grin, telling them to stop being so jealous and that Kenshin chosen him over them so get over it.

 

That usually shut them up and left them to walk off sulking and/or crying.

 

The guys who had pestered him were most of the time ones who didn't believe he was gay. To them, they had the stereotypical image of gay's in their mind: pathetic, wearing tight fitting clothes, usually bright colours, and be obsessed with their hair style and have no friends but girls and other gays, to which for them, Sano didn't fit this description, and couldn't understand why he was going out with Kenshin unless he had mistaken him for a girl when they first they met and was now just being too polite to turn him down once he'd found out the truth. Sano's answer to this was to tell them to stop playing on stereotypes and, now you know gay's don't have to act like that, perhaps you should think about whether or not you're gay as you seem to be so interested.

 

This usually shut them up and left them disturbed for the rest of the day confused about their sexuality and freaking out at any other guy touching them.

 

The home situation had been great too. Now Sano had clothes and various other bits and pieces, the two of them had filled out the necessary forms, change of address forms, tax forms and other things, and now Sano was officially staying at Kenshin's apartment. Well, it was his apartment now too, and Sano grinned to himself whenever he thought that.

 

Even better, Saito seemed to have disappeared. Neither Sano nor Kenshin had seen him since their run in with him in the college car park that day, which was good because Sano could just enjoy his time with Kenshin without Saito trying to confuse things and, well, kill him. But whatever Kenshin had said to him that day seemed to have worked, and it was great not to see him and get instantly pissed off just by looking at him.

 

Megumi had been true to her word too when she had said she would get Kenshin to keep an eye on him. He had caught her several times trying to get Kenshin to tell her how he had been behaving outside of college, and if he did do anything bad, did he punish him. Sano had been walking past the staff room when he had heard that and had nearly walked into a wall. Saying the word `punished' brought forward another annoying woman who wouldn't leave them alone.

 

After his mothers first initial shock at Kenshin not going to be her future daughter in law, the embarrassing woman had phoned him on several occasions asking if there was any `toys' he wanted to have.

 

Sano could have killed her.

 

For once it would seem she had taken a shine to his boyfriend, and every time Kenshin answered the phone, her first question would be, “When are you going to come around and play with me?” to which Sano would grab the phone out of Kenshin's frozen hand and tell the sex-up woman to crawl back into her play den before her other playthings got bored, before slamming the phone down and grabbing some pills to cure the instant headache he always got with talking to her.

 

Anyway, besides his crazy mother, the month living with Kenshin had been wonderful. For Yahiko however, who seemed to always be there when Sano started on one of his I'm-ranting-about-how-wonderful-Kenshin-is-and-you're-going-to-listen-dispi te-your-rampid-homophobia sessions, Yahiko just sighed and resisted the temptation to hit him. The first time he did that Sano warned him he'd tell everyone he found him sneaking around a gay club, so Yahiko never complained about Sano's love for Kenshin ever again, unless he wanted everyone to think he was gay too.

 

So now, after finishing his latest rant on how wonderful and sexy and gorgeous Kenshin was, Yahiko's brain almost dead, Sano grinned at him.

 

“Ok, you can stop pretending to listen now, I'm done.”

 

Yahiko blinked out of his trance, the vivid images Sano had just been painting in his mind leaving a forever scared mark in his brain, Yahiko glared up at him.

 

“'Bout time. How long was this one?”

 

“About 15 minutes.”

 

“Okay, Yahiko, you're up!” called out the sports teacher, Yahiko so glad to get away from Sano and ran out onto the court, catching the basketball thrown over at him and running up to the end to try out his shooting.

 

----

 

“Hey Kenshin, you coming?”

 

Kenshin looked up from the paperwork on his desk at Sano sticking his head round the corner of his office door.

 

“Oh, no I'll be home later that I will,” he smiled, “All the teachers are staying for a meeting with CBC today. It's a long meeting, I probably won't leave until 8 o'clock.”

 

Sano opened the door fully and stepped inside, “Well that sucks.” He pouted.

 

Kenshin of course just smiled at him, “Oh they do this once and a while. I wouldn't expect you to stay, you should go home, I'll walk back later.”

 

“Hell no, that's a long walk! I'll pick you up. Eight you said yeah?” Sano grinned, before waving and walking out the door, “I'll catch ya later then!”

 

Kenshin watched the door fall shut, staring at it for a moment before looking back down at his papers and getting back to work. Only a few short moments later though, his office door opened again and in ran Sano, running up to his desk and leaning right over it, grabbing the back of Kenshin's neck so he leant forward in his chair, and kissed him. The momentary shock kept Kenshin's eyes open as Sano lingered on those soft lips, before he pulled away, winked at him, and ran out the door again.

 

This time Kenshin closed his eyes and smiled cutely as the door fell shut behind him.

 

----

 

He would see him this evening, Kenshin, he would see him in the meeting today.

 

Saito had been true to his word, those three weeks ago. He hadn't turned on those cameras again, he wanted to prove to himself this wasn't `love', the word that had so inappropriately floated into his mind that day.

 

As he drove towards the college, the early evening sky already falling over the busy city, Saito analaysed exactly what he had been feeling. Had he missed Kenshin? ….no, he didn't think so. Had he wanted to see Kenshin?....well, he had wanted to see Kenshin hurt, as usual, but the thought of not seeing his pretty fac--- his face again, hadn't bothered him. He had only sat in his camera room once over the three weeks wondering if he should turn them on for a moment, but hadn't, so no, as far as he was concerned, this wasn't love at all.

He had tried to remember how he had felt for Tokio years ago, tried to compare those feelings to Kenshin, but no, there was no comparison. He had loved Tokio back then, he wouldn't have wanted to see her in pain, which is what he liked to see Kenshin in, so how could this possibly be anything remotely like love with a feeling like that?

 

Satisfied with this conclusion, Saito sped a little faster towards the college. After three weeks of not tormenting the younger man, he had a lot of catching up to do.

 

-----

 

Sano leant back on the chair and sighed contently. He sat in Kenshin's study in their apartment, having just finished an essay borrowing Kenshin's computer. There was no point in trying to work knowing Kenshin was around, it was so easy to get distracted, which is why he had thought given this opportunity he better get as much work done as possible while he wasn't here.

Stretching his arms up above his head and glancing at his watch, Sano decided he could have a quick bite to eat then go and pick Kenshin up. Standing up off the chair and walking into the living room and through into the kitchen, Sano made himself a small sandwich and walked into the bedroom to pick up the car keys. As he picked them up off the set of draws by the bed, Sano glanced over at the sword leaning against a corner of the room.

 

He didn't like that sword. When Kenshin had brought it home that day, he had suggested perhaps giving it to Aoshi or Megumi to look after it. But Kenshin had refused, saying that he should really look after it, and it had been leaning against that wall ever since, with really no where else to put it.

 

Every time he saw that sword though, the urge of wanting to read that letter he had found inside it grew more and more. He didn't want to read it, he kept on telling himself he didn't want to read it, but every time that sword caught his eye, he'd find himself staring at it a few seconds to long for his liking, and would quickly turn away.

 

If it was something important Kenshin would have told him, so there was no point in worrying about it. Maybe it was just part of the sword? An old letter left there by the last owner, whoever that may have been, so maybe it was part of the swords history? That would make sense, considering Kenshin was a History teacher. But even saying that, even convincing himself that was the reason,

 

He still never asked Kenshin if that was true.

 

----

 

Kenshin left the meeting room as soon as it had finished. Heading down the corridors walking quicker than usual, he hoped Sano was waiting for him outside.

 

He had forgotten Saito would be there.

 

With the lack of Saito over the past few weeks, and with his happiness of being with Sano, the fact that he hadn't seen or heard from Saito had completely slipped his mind. Seeing him walk in the meeting room earlier with the other staff had been a shock, which was soon replaced by worry. If he hadn't seen him for so long, that probably meant he'd want to see him after the meeting, and that was something Kenshin would really rather not do.

 

Stepping out of the entrance and about to turn around one side of the building to the car park, a familiar voice rang out behind him.

 

“What's with the rush Kenshin? You should slow down.”

 

Kenshin stopped and turned around, a trail of cigarette smoke floating away in the air from the very man he didn't want to see.

 

Kenshin scowled, “Saito.”

 

---

 

As Sano drove to pick Kenshin up, the thought of the letter and the sword had disappeared from his mind, and was now left happy and excited at seeing Kenshin. True he had only been away from him for 4 and a bit hours, but still, seeing Kenshin again was always a good thing, no matter how long they'd been apart, because there was always that `hello again' kiss to look forward to.

 

---

 

“Where have you been?” Kenshin asked cautiously as Saito took a step towards him.

 

A sly smile spread across Saito lips as he looked down at him, “Missed me that much have you?”

 

Kenshin didn't react to that, he wouldn't give him the pleasure. He just stayed still as he stood in front of him, glaring back into those thin eyes.

 

“I've just been busy lately, that's all. But tell me,” he said, taking another drag of cigarette, “Have you forgotten what time it is? What is owed this month?” he said, leaning down a little closer, as Kenshin's eyes widened at the realisation of what he was talking about.

 

----

 

Sano indicated into the college car park, parking next to one of the standing lamps illuminating the concrete covered area. He hadn't parked too closely to the college, for the simple reason he'd get to walk a little further arm in arm with Kenshin.

 

He liked the small, stupid things the best.

 

----

 

Saito placed one arm behind Kenshin, the palm of his hand flat out against the brick wall of the building, forcing Kenshin to back up against it. Saito's face was a little too close for comfort, and there was a flicker of worry in Kenshin's eyes which soon disappeared, but that moment Saito had noticed, indicating that Kenshin seemed to have forgotten about their little monthly arrangement. He had obviously been too happy with that student.

 

“Don't worry,” he said, tilting his chin upwards slightly, “Nothing's owed until tomorrow, so I'll leave you alone tonight.” His grip on Kenshin's chin tightened slightly, Kenshin gritting his teeth.

 

He felt helpless. He didn't want to feel helpless, heck he wasn't helpless, but against Saito, against what he knew he would do to him, against the fact he knew there was nothing he could do to stop him, that made him feel truly helpless. But still, he tried to grab Saito's arms, feebly trying to push him away.

 

“Remember Kenshin, no fighting, no resistance, or I hurt that student of yours remember?” Kenshin flinched angrily at the thought of Sano being hurt, but again, there was nothing he could do except make sure Saito didn't get angry, and to not make him angry,

 

Was to do everything he wanted him to.

 

Saito saw the conflict in Kenshin's eyes stop, and Kenshin looked away to one side in defeat, lowering his arms.

 

Saito smiled., “Yes, that's right.” He said, and with a small tug on Kenshin's chin again to make him look up, Saito kissed him, keeping him forced against the wall so he couldn't move.

 

Kenshin wanted to push him away, to run, to do anything to get away from him, but the thought of Sano getting mixed up in all this, the thought of him getting hurt…… no, Kenshin would never let that happen. As he said before, if giving himself once a month to Saito meant that for the other 29 or 30 days of the month he could be happy with Sano, then considering his situation and what could have been, this was about as good as it could get.

 

Kenshin forced himself not to flinch away when Saito forced his mouth to open, slipping his tongue inside. He just stood there, un-responsive; eyes tightly closed wishing for this one kiss to be over and done with as soon as possible. He knew he had a lot worse to face tomorrow night, but he wouldn't think about that now. There was no point in thinking about something he could do nothing to avoid.

 

----

 

Sano walked across the middle of the car park heading to the main entrance. Toothpick back in his mouth and walking happily along in the darkness, only a few car park lighting lamps to guide the way, he saw two people standing against the wall near the entrance. Figuring they were two students, especially when he saw they were kissing, he thought nothing of it, but the closer he got, the slower he walked, as he suddenly realised that, even in the darkness…the one against the wall…the one who was…

 

The toothpick fell from Sano's mouth and he dived behind a nearby car.

 

He found his heart suddenly wanting to beat out his chest as he stared wide eyed into the darkness. There was no way he thought that was who he thought it was. That was ridiculous!! It was dark, it must have been the shadows playing tricks on him……yeah, of course it was.

 

He carefully looked around the bonnet of the car back at the two. He couldn't tell from here but….oh this was stupid! Sano felt like hitting himself. Like that would be…like that could possibly be…Sano laughed quietly to himself, but somehow it wasn't a very convincing laugh. Peering round the side again to make sure, a car coming down the road opposite illuminated the pair with its headlights for a brief moment before it continued down the road out of sight.

 

It was at that point that Sano's heart now felt like it had stopped beating altogether.

 

He found his hands clenching against the car, fingernails scraping across the paint as he knelt hidden behind it staring out into the darkness, unable to look anywhere but at these two people kissing in the murky light. Eyes wide and almost scared, not wanting to believe what he was seeing, there was just one, small word that fell from his lips;

 

“Kenshin?”

 

---

 

The clutter of the main entrance doors opening made Saito quickly abandon his kiss and step back from Kenshin, nodding and smiling polity as the other teachers from the meeting filled out the building. Kenshin smiled at them too as they made their way back to their cars, but his smile wasn't quite as well put on as Saito's.

 

Saito turned back to him when they were far enough away, dropping his dud cigarette to the ground.

 

“I'll see you tomorrow then Kenshin. Say seven o'clock?”

 

He didn't expect an answer, but enjoyed the glare Kenshin through at him, his violet eyes intense and darker in the night air.

 

Turning around, Saito walked out to his own car in the opposite direction. Kenshin watched him go, his heart sinking with every step he watched him take. Seven o'clock. Less than a day before he'd have to go through `that' again. Guess he'd have to think up an excuse for Sano to be out the apartment, the last thing he needed was for him to see that. Aoshi was still redecorating; maybe he could ask him to go help for the evening or something? Not wanting to linger on that thought, and wanting nothing more than to just find Sano and hold him after that, Kenshin turned round the corner of the building to find him.

 

----

 

“What…? Young man what on earth are you doing?!”

 

One of the older woman who was in the meeting had just walked around her car to find Sano hiding the other side. Sano stayed put for a moment, his mind blank of anything but the image of Kenshin and Saito burned into the back of his eyes. He eventually glanced up at her, before slowly standing up.

 

“Oh, sorry.” He said distantly, moving out the way and letting her in the car, standing to one side and watching her go.

 

His body felt numb, he didn't want to believe what he'd seen, it couldn't be right!! Why was Kenshin kissing Saito? I mean jeez of all people especially why Saito? His first thought was that perhaps Saito had forced himself on Kenshin, he was definitely the kind of guy to do something like that, but Kenshin wasn't putting up a fight, wasn't even trying, so…so he must have let him.

But, didn't Kenshin love him any more? Was this one month going to be it? Was Kenshin going to say he didn't want to be with him anymore?

 

“Sano!” Sano turned around to see a smiling Kenshin walking towards him. Taking both Sano's hands in his own, Kenshin leant up and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you for coming to pick me up.” He smiled.

 

Sano just stared at him for a moment. He had kissed him on the cheek, was he worried they'd be an unfamiliar taste in his mouth if he'd kissed him properly?

 

“Errr…” Sano stared, Kenshin blinking up at him, “Er…yeah,” he quickly snapped out his worried expression and smiled, willing his throat to unclench, “no problem!”

 

Although he was sure his smile must have looked fake, Kenshin hadn't picked up on it, and they walked together back to the car. Was he really going to pretend he hadn't seen anything? Was he really going to carry on as normal knowing that Kenshin obviously didn't feel the same way about him any more? How long would he last? Just waiting for the day when Kenshin would turn around to him and say he didn't want to be with him anymore.

As Sano looked down at him, clinging to his arm walking close, Sano's eyes softened in sadness. He didn't want to loose Kenshin, no way, so if pretending he didn't know anything was the only way to spend as much time as possible with him until he said otherwise, then he'd pretend for the rest of his life.

 

He loved Kenshin. He loved him so much. He didn't want to loose his Angel.

 

---

 

Sano had said that he drive, which left Kenshin to try and look not worried as they traveled back home. Seeing Sano standing there had made him jump at first, desperately panicking that he'd seen him and Saito. That would have been the last thing he needed. If Sano had seen them, then…well, that would be it. He'd loose him.

Not wanting to seem nervous though, he'd just smiled and walked up to him. Sano seemed to have paused for a moment, but he soon smiled too, which let a wave of relief rush over him. That had been too close, he'd have to double and triple check Sano would be out the way tomorrow.

He hated doing this, he felt like he was being so unfaithful to Sano, well he was, but what choice did he have? It's not like he wanted for this to happen, if he could have it his own way and Saito wasn't here, he'd move far away with Sano, somewhere else in the world, just away from all the bad memories that Japan brought him.

But unfortunately, he couldn't. While Saito was here, there was nothing he could do. All he could do was put up with him, that one night every month, and just stay in Sano arms afterwards, reminding himself why he was letting this happen, reminding him how much he loved Sano, how he do anything do be able to hold him. Sano's arms were the only place he felt safe. A place where not Saito, not anyone could ever get him, a place where he could just stay, feel protected from everything.

 

He prayed to any God out there that Sano hadn't seen him. He didn't want to loose him. He loved him so much. He did want to loose his Angel.

 

----

 

Kenshin's head was thrown back against the pillow, a deep blush spread across his cheeks, body still shaking, staring with heavy laden eyes up at the ceiling. His panting was slowly calming down, Sano collapsed on top of him, his head resting on Kenshin's chest as he too tried to slow his breathing down, leaving loving butterfly kisses on that soft skin beneath him.

Kenshin wrapped his arms around Sano's shoulders, letting one hand run through his hair, kissing the top of his head and holding him so close, eyes falling shut as the tiredness set in after that burst of pleasure.

 

Sano placed one more kiss on Kenshin's chest before letting his head rest, almost every part of their skin touching the others, wrapping his own arms around Kenshin underneath his back, not wanting to let him go.

 

“I love you Sano.” Kenshin whispered sleepily, snuggling down a little more and squeezing him gently.

 

Sano smiled sleepily, his own eyes falling shut too. He felt so comfortable in his arms like this, listening to Kenshin's racing heartbeat gradually slow to normal. He kissed his soft skin once more before snuggling him too, the two of them falling still as exhaustion washed over them.

 

This was how it should be. He felt so in love with Kenshin, especially at moments like this, the two of them as close as you could possibly get to someone else, feeling nothing but their warmth and love, feeling safe, like for this one moment nothing in the whole world could get to them, nothing could ever hurt them.

 

Sano opened his tired eyes and looked at the sword, directly in his line of sight. Why did he feel that letter was going to explain so much? Why did he feel like he should read it? Kenshin must still love him, he'd just said he did after all, and there's no way they could experience something like this together if he didn't love him. It wasn't just sex, it was never just sex, he always made love to him, always cared for him, and with the way Kenshin smiled at him, held onto him tightly, gasped his name, and then in heat of passion, begged him not to stop…

 

How could he kiss Saito? How?! The question was tearing at Sano's heart. He was so in love with Kenshin, he'd do anything for him, couldn't he see that? Didn't he love him enough? He'd do anything to make him feel loved, if he was doing something wrong, he wished Kenshin would tell him.

Why Saito? Why was this happening? The more he thought about it, the more he panicked, and the more he panicked, the more he could feel tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.

 

He wanted to know the truth. He wanted, but he knew if he asked, somehow….somehow he knew he would loose Kenshin. He couldn't ask, but he couldn't stay in the dark either!

 

He gently placed his lips on Kenshin's chest once more, “I love you too,” he whispered, but it was lucky that Kenshin was asleep, because the tears in that voice could easily have broken his heart.

 

To Be Continued…