Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ I've Lied ❯ I've Lied ( Prologue )

Series: Kenshin!!!

Couple: Kenshin and Sano (fixation again!)

Author: Arithkenshin

Disclaimer: Don't own them but I sure as hell wish I did

Info: Just a very sweet story hehe to the words of yet another Linking Park song called "Pushing me away" … nothing deep or dark and fairly harmless I think

I've Lied

Watching Sano leave, his heart almost choked him, and he turned to look at her… and felt absolutely nothing.

**When I look into your eyes
There's nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistakes
Staring back at me **

She was beside herself. Angry and naïve; not knowing just how much damage she could cause without realizing it.

"How could he even think that you would be like that Kenshin!" Little fists clenched at her sides Kaoru, glanced back at him. "He's nothing but a pervert! I can't believe I let him in my house for so long"

Kenshin sighed

"Its over Kaoru"

**Everything has to end, you'll soon find, we're outta time, left to watch it all unwind
Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down
Everything has to end, you'll soon find, we're outta time, left to watch it all unwind
Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down**

Her face registered shock, not wanting to believe that he could mean her and him. "Kenshin?"

"Us Kaoru; its over" he saw the pain in her eyes and he tried to smile to make her feel better, but it didn't work.

Like the rest of their relationship, it was fake; it was all a lie.

**I've lied
To you
This is the last smile
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you
(Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down)
(Everything has to end, you'll soon find, we're outta time, left to watch it all unwhind)
For sake of being with you
(Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down)
The sacrifice is never knowing**

The things that he had given up and reneged on for her sake; to protect her, to make her feel like she hadn't lost everything that ever mattered to her. The sacrifices he had made, the feelings he had pushed down and suppressed. His reasons for staying with her had been his own, his own selfish reasons; to finally be able to protect someone successfully and not lose them. But in the process he had not wanted to accept that the person he truly wanted to protect didn't need to be babysat by him.

**Why I stayed with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me**

Why had he stayed, he couldn't really say anymore. Maybe to be near him, maybe to be close enough to touch without touching, or to mark him so much that Sano could never want anyone else. And he had succeeded. The man had stated his love painfully for all to hear, in front of everyone, and Kenshin had been too shocked to say a word. Kaoru had done all the talking, or yelling was probably the better word for it.

He had heard everything he could ever have hoped to hear from the brunette's lips and he hadn't gone to him, he had sat there like an idiot trying to take in what he was hearing.

But not anymore.

Her face showed pain and confusion, and finally a cold smoldering bewilderment mixed with anger. She didn't understand and he knew she never would.

"I've tried to be everything you could want Ken, I don't… " She was fighting back the tears.

"I am so sorry Kaoru." He sighed. "But I tried… like you, to be everything you wanted, too." But he wouldn't take the blame anymore; he wouldn't hide who he was and who he wanted anymore

**I've tried
Like you
To do everything you wanted to
This is the last time
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you
(Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down) **

"But I cant pretend anymore Kaoru, its only worse for us both if I try"

**The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
(Everything has to end, you'll soon find, we're outta time, left to watch it all unwind)
The sacrifice is never knowing**

He couldn't lie anymore; not to himself not too anyone, he just hoped it wasn't too late to get him back to convince the rooster head that he loved him. To convince him that he had stayed with her just in order to be nearer to him, for so long.

**Why I stayed with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me**

"You can never understand me Kaoru, no matter how hard you try, you will never understand me, and you can never make me happy or whole"

"Fuck you Kenshin." She was angry, she never swore normally, and he was sorry that he had hurt her, but he had had no choice.

He bowed and turned around and ran after Sano, he had to catch him, had to tell him, had to hold him.

And he ran, there was no way that Sano could have gotten too far ahead of him, and just as he thought that he might have gone a different way, he saw that spiky head of hair over the next rise. Increasing his tempo, Kenshin ran to him. Sano turned as he heard the footfalls and Kenshin could see that he had been crying, tear tracks covered his face and his eyes were red.

"What do you want Ken?"

"You."

Sano's body froze; he had just been convincing himself that he had just lost everything; his best friend and his substitute family. "What… you can't mean that!"

He needed to get it off his chest; his head hurt so much from trying to think that Kenshin couldn't keep his thoughts sorted properly. He didn't want to be left alone, he didn't want Sano to be left alone; he wanted him to be with him… always.

**Reverse psychology's failing miserably
It's so hard to be, left all alone **

Telling him was the only chance he had; telling him everything.

**Telling you is the only chance for me
There's nothing left but, to turn and face you
When I look into your eyes, there's nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me
Asking why...
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie (why)
The sacrifice is never knowing **

Violet eyes looked up into brown eyes and felt the uncertainty of the other wash over him. All he could see were the mistakes he had made. The time he had spent in the arms of another, who meant little more to him than a sister would have.

"I've been lying to myself, to everyone, Sano, and I didn't even realize it."

"Why Ken?" Those words were so soft and so beseeching that Kenshin couldn't keep it inside any longer.

"Because I have never been happy in my life." and he remembered Kaoru.

**Why I stayed with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me
Why I stayed with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me**

She would never understand him; she would never be able to fulfill him the way he needed to be fulfilled. He had pushed her away at every turn even, though she had tried so hard. She was still blind to him, but now… not any more, not ever again.

He continued: "Because I didn't think I was allowed to be happy, after everything that I have done, and when you said what you did back there … when you echoed what I feel…" Kenshin didn't seem to know what to say. "I wanted you more than I ever have before, I knew finally knew what I wanted and that I could have it."

Sano's face softened as Kenshin continued: "I don't want to hide anymore, I don't want to lie, I just want to love you… please don't let me push you away"

Sano approached the delicate man and swept him up in his arms seeking the soft lips of the red haired man out with his own, kissing him deeply. When the kiss ended he sighed and rested his mouth in Kenshins hair … "Never Kenshin, I will never let you go."