Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ I Would Court You With More Grace ❯ One-Shot

Something short and angsty this time around. I can only take so much sap before I break down and start killing fictives left and right. Trust me, you wouldn't want me to write a deathfic. ^_^

Disclaimer: Saitou and Sano are not mine, damnit. I make no profit from this story, save for feedback.

Rating: PG

Warning: I am not a nice romantic. While I have an aversion to reading overly bleak fics, my own works are rarely guaranteed to satisfy a comfort fiend.

I am leaving today.

You do not know this, but you turn away from me in sleep, as if you knew all along. Perhaps you did. You're not as foolish as I often make you out to be -- merely young, brash, reckless, impulsive...

And utterly beautiful.

I light a cigarette, lying on my back to stare at the cracked ceiling. Maybe, before I leave at dawn, I will leave a note telling you to repair the leaks. As if I planned to return, as if I cared about your comfort. You will wait, fruitlessly, for me. Perhaps, if I were to flatter myself, months. And finally, when you realize that I will never return, your anger will turn your heart away from me forever.

Don't fall in love with me, captivating boy. The ghosts of men I killed dog my heels like shadows, and a man can never outrun his own darkness. Find someone more worthy of you, Sanosuke. If you have fallen in love with me -- despite all I have done to prevent it -- forget me and move on.

The smooth skin of your back tempts my fingers. I curl them into fists, considering. I will be gone in a while, why not indulge for the last time? But I refrain. You tempt me to do more than touch, my lover. You tempt me to stay.

You roll over to face me, mumbling something in a dreamy whisper. You frown, shifting restlessly, and move closer to me as if seeking my warmth. I hold my breath. I cannot touch you, Sano, though if you were to brush against me by accident... but you stop. I have made you wary of invading my personal space, and even in sleep you still remember.

I rub my chest absently, trying to soothe the knot of pain, watching you. My lungs feel tight and I cannot breathe, and I wonder if my body is finally wearing down from the battles I put it through.

The room brightens slowly, marking the beginning of another day. My resistance crumbles. I touch your hair with the tips of my fingers, not daring to comb them through your dark locks as I have done so many times before. You sigh, gently.

Goodbye, Sanosuke. I am sorry I cannot rest in the harbour you offered me. It is my fate to die at sea, fighting my way to death, and I would gladly do so if it means you will be spared the same.

I dress quickly, wanting to be well away before you awake. You snuggle like a kitten into the space I left behind and it takes all of my self-control not to hold you, to kiss you until you are breathless. I can imagine your reddened cheeks and tousled hair, and sparkling eyes which should never be so happy in my presence. I hope you will soon find someone else to bestow that look upon, and forget you once shared it with me.

I--

Sayonara.

Don't remember me.

A hazy brown eye opens and I freeze, cursing myself for my sentimental weakness. Why did I linger for so long? But you only smile sleepily, and whisper something that twists like a sword in my heart.

"Love y', 'Jime..."

I die with your words, fading into the morning air. Now I am only a ghost with a shadow, awaiting Enma's judgement.

I leave.

-owari-

Note: The title is taken from a line in 'The Last Unicorn' by Peter S. Beagle, spoken by Prince Lir: "I would court you with more grace if I knew how." It just seemed to fit.

And next up: a companion fic to this one, from Sano's POV. I can't *possibly* leave the darling roosterhead alone. *eg*