Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Into the Scenery... ❯ Mercy ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

I sit, and I stare at my hands.

Small, thin... frail hands. Callused hands... So tiny inside Hiko's hands...

"How did I come to this?" I whisper. I can smell the scent of blood...

Barcelona, where the winds all blew
And the churches don't have windows, but the graveyards do...

"Oi, Battousai, it's a good thing you have such pretty red hair..."

"So ka." He responded impassionatly, rubbing the katana down with a soft cloth.

"Hai. The better to hide the bloodstains, eh?" And the burly samurai laughed.

Suddenly, a hand closed on his topknot, and the other gripped his shoulder, spinning him around. Surprise shot through him --- One of his own men! Rough lips pressed harshly against his own.

He reacted. In seconds, the blade was brought to bear, and buried in the man's chest.

"Mou jubandesu!" He whispered roughly, as the man slowly bled to death. "I will tolerate no man touching me."

Me and my shadow are wrestling again
Look out, stranger, there's a dark cloud moving in...

Battousai whispers in my ear, even now...

"Go on... Whore yourself out to him..."

No one was ever so cruel to me. Not ever.

"You know it won't mean a thing to him."

And I can't ignore him anymore. "He's not the same as them!!" I cry, desperately.

"You've fucked women before, love. How much did they truly mean to you?"

I bury my face in my hands. "It's not the same, degozaru. It's not the same..."

But if you could hear the voice in my heart, it would tell you
I'm afraid I am alone...

Sano wants me, that much I know.

But why? Does he only want my body, like so many before...? Or does he also want my heart?

I am tired of being alone, degozaru. I want to be with someone again... Someone who cares for me... Someone who could---

"Love you? No one loves you, my darling. Only me. To them, you're a good servant to have around, and a great protector to hide behind... And a good fuck when the whim suits them. But love? No, darling, no..."

That's not true. Degozaru.

"Repetition does not make a fact." Battousai sneers. "That it doesn't."

Standing, I sneak outside.

Won't somebody please, hold me, release me
Show me the meaning of mercy...

Sano lets me into his home out of pity.

This thought alone is enough to bring tears to my eyes.

"No, no... It's because he wants to fuck you, love. He wants to hold you to that bedroll, and cumulate all of his carnal lust into your perfect, tight, little body... After all, one good turn deserves---"

Realizing the truth in this, I begin to cry quietly. Everyone... Even Sano... All anyone ever wants is my physical self...

He watches me for a long moment, and I blush furiously, ashamed. Crying is one thing, but to cry in front of Sano... Suddenly, he sweeps me into a warm, crushing embrace.

I cry harder, because this makes me feel so safe...

"Do you love him, darling?" And Battousai laughs.

Still sobbing, I bury my face in the musk of Sano's chest. Sano... smells like... Hiko... I... I think, surprised.

I can feel Battousai shaking his head sadly, "Oh, Shinta, what a cheap and easy whore you've become..."

Let me loose
Fly... Let me fly... Let me fly...

Later, when his breathing evens out, I do the same, trying to lull myself to sleep. Opening my eyes, I realize he is still awake. Carefully, keeping my eyes half-closed, I watch him staring at me.

Finally, I look straight at him, trying to read his emotions. I see tenderness in his gaze, coupled with sadness.

I am still wondering about this, as I hurry home.

My imagination plays tricks on me, making me catch his voice in the wind.

"I love you... Kenshin..."

Super paranoid... I'm blending, I'm blurring
I'm bleeding into the scenery...

I stare at my hands...

Hiko's hands on me... Owning me... Claiming me... Making me feel beautiful, and cherished... Would Sano feel the same? Or would he hurt me, too? ...I have given myself to two men in my life; one willingly, and one, with un-ending regret...

I would give myself to Sano, but I am afraid. ...I love him... ...Could he ever truly love me?

Loving someone else is always so much easier...

I could marry Kaoru-dono. There is no fear of pain or betrayal in that woman's love. She cannot hurt me like Sano could.

...She cannot, however, love me like Sano can, either...

"He'll betray us, love..." Battousai warns.

Shut up, Battousai.

But I hold myself hostage in the mirror...

"Why do you do this to us?" Battousai asks quietly.

I ignore him. I'm ignoring you, degozaru.

"I am not trying to hurt you, darling. Have I ever tried to hurt you? I only want to keep you safe, Shinta. ...You've ignored me twice before. Are the memories pleasant ones, love? Did you enjoy the pain you suffered at their hands?

"...If a man doesn't hurt you physically, he'll rob you mentally. Isn't that what Hiko taught you? Isn't that what you've learned?"

You don't hate Hiko. The pain that Hiko caused me created you.

"This is the truth... Do you think, then, that if Sanosuke hurt you, too, that you would set me free? If so... Let us go to him now!"

I shake my head. I should have known not to trust you, degozaru.

"Oh, but, love... I'm the only one you can trust..."

I don't answer. I am too busy leaving quietly once more. Kaoru-dono and Yahiko are sleeping.

"Where are we going?"

To Sano. I have to know.

Battousai laughs again.

It's not the same, degozaru. He's not the same...

But if you could hear the voice in my heart, it would tell you
I'm tired of feeling this way

He is waiting at the door when I come up the street. Was he waiting for me?

As we settle into our usual positions in the floor, he says my name quietly, uncertainly. "...Kenshin..."

"Sano," I begin, voice choked with fear... "Oh what?" Ignoring my past, and my judgement, I lunge forward, and press a kiss to his lips.

He doesn't resist, out of surprise, or acceptance...?

I taste his mouth and tongue almost feverently. He shocks me by following suit. I pull back, and he reaches firmly for my shoulders, stopping me.

"You want me." I say quietly. It is not a question. "Don't you."

He blushes, and scratches at his hair. "Ah... Well... I..."

I plunge ahead, determined to get this out, before Battousai, and Hiko, and my past silence me once more. "Do you love me?"

He looks away.

I feel my face fall, and the tears come again.

Finally, he turns to look at me.

"...yes..."

God, won't you please, hold me, release me...

With a quiet sob of relief, I pounce on him again, knocking him to the floor.

"I love you, Sano... I love you..." I whisper, even as I am kissing him greedily.

He buried his hands in my hair, and gently rolls over, on top of me, careful not to crush me with his weight.

Show me the meaning of mercy...

Something occurs to me, and I push him back, with all of my strength. It's not enough, but he pulls away slightly.

"Kenshin?"

"Why? Why do you love me?"

"Because... Because you're beautiful to me..."

Oh.

"What did I tell you, darling?"

He must read the anguish in my eyes. "No, no... Because you're beautiful... here..." He says, placing one hand over my heart. "Not just here." The hand comes up to caress my scarred face.

Let me fly, let me fly, let me fly...

I pull him back down to me. "...thank you..." And we kiss.

"One day, he'll hurt you, love. And when he does, I'll be waiting..."

But not tonight, degozaru.

I am his, and he is mine, if only for this night.

Owari (degozaru)

The song is "Barcelona", by Jewel.

"Mou jubundesu!" means "That's enough!"

As for Kenshin's past, it's implied (rather strongly), that Kenshin slept with Hiko before their falling out, and that sometime during his wanderings, he was molested or raped.

On a slightly lighter note, I really love Battousai. Degozaru.