Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Kenshin Parody, Book 2 ❯ Chapter 5

Kelly rubbed a thumb over her nose. She looked at Jenny and stuck her tongue between her top lip and her teeth, making a 'smack' sound. "Y'know, for that remark, I shouldn't even bother tryin' to hook a brotha up. But I will, just so you can quit fantasizing about my Aoshi-sama. Hold on, I'll be right back."

Kelly walked from the room and went into the living area, where she was surprised to find Saito, just sitting there smoking a cigarette.

"Uh...Saito-san?"

"Oh, now it's 'Saito-SAN'? What do you want?" he snapped.

"Um, I know you apologized to Jenny and ev'rything, but um, could you just go in there and talk to her? She's pretty upset. It's kinda pathetic, actually."

"No. I'm not going to talk to her. She rejected my apology. And why should I talk to her anyways? She's nothing but a large headed, ape brained, banana peeling, and sticky fingered buffoon!"

"That was harsh. Well, fine. Then if you want to see poor Jenny kill herself over you, be my guest. Hehe, be our guest, be our guest, put our service to the test, tie your napkin 'round your neck, cherie, and we'll provide the rest, hot hors'd'ouerves, cheese soufflé, pie and pudding en flambé, the service here is never second beeeeeest!"

"What?"

"Huh? Oh sorry, got a little carried away. Anyways, Jenny's liable to kill herself if you don't make some effort around here. I mean, I don't know about you, but I'd miss the jerk," Kelly said, and sniffed, "But, I guess that don't mean much to you. I'll leave you to your cigarette, since it's more important."

"O no, not you too. Ugh, if I talk to her, will you two behave?"

"Uh-huh," Kelly said in a small voice.

Saito got up, grumbling to himself. Kelly merely sat down, a slow, evil, shifty smile spreading over her face.

"Jenny?" Saito called, sliding the door open.

"What the hell do you want, you poor excuse for a man."

"Jenny, listen. I'm sorry I offended you and made you feel bad. Can we put this behind us?"

Jenny fought to keep the grin off her face. Good thing it was dark. "I don't know. Say it like you mean it and maybe I'll begin to trust you again, you big pile of bovine feces."

"Jenny, I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"

"I dunno. You still look like you're faking it, you dirty two timing bucket of chum."

"Please?"

"With sugar on top?"

"No! I'm not saying that!"

"Fine. I guess I have no reason to live anymore, thanks to your ol' non-apologizin' masturbatin' eight days a week cuz Tokio won't put out for your woman beating cunt faced ass."

"Please forgive me with sugar on top."

"I s'pose," Jenny said, and lunged. She managaed to hook both hands into the waistband of his western style pants and pull them down. Saito stood before her in all his underwear wearing glory.

"Aghhh!" Saito yelled, causing Kelly to appear on the scene.

"Wooo, go Jenny, it's your birthday, go Jenny, it's your birthday!"

Saito struggled to pull his pants back up, but Jenny wasn't having none of that garbage. She flung his pants across the room to Kelly, who quickly burned them.

"Ugh! To think I nearly fell for that charade!" Saito yelled.

"What do you mean 'nearly'? Nigga, you fell for that shit hook, line, and Jenny!" Kelly shouted, laughing her monkey ass off.

"Jenny, I am going to kill you!"

"Nonsense! C'mon, I'm pleasuring you! Let yourself be free like the wild musk ox. Cuz damn. You're stretchin' those briefs to the fullest."

"Jenny..." Saito growled.

"Ooooo, say it again," Jenny said, ripping the buttons off his shirt. "Hey, how come we never see you shirtless in the anime? We see Sano, Kenshin, and even Aoshi shirtless, but not you. Why?"

"I have more class," Saito said, grabbing at Jenny's wrists. "Ugh! How can you be faster than me?"

"Ohohohohohoho! It's my eye of the penis. It gets stronger every time I smell man-sweat. Namely yours!" Jenny said, closing one eye. She got all the buttons off his shirt, and pulled it the hell off, tossing it to Kelly, who wiped Eiji's ass with it.

Now, all that Saito was wearing was his draws and his undershirt. Jenny went to work after cracking her knuckles.

Saito was still struggling in Jenny's octopus-like grip. "Jenny, I'm warning you."

"Aw, shit, you can warn me all you like, I ain't lettin' go of SHIT!"

Saito actually look a little scared. If Tokio caught him in the girl's room, with his pants and shirt gone, she'd most likely mop the floor with him, "Don't even think about it!" he warned Jenny, as her grubby little hands got too close to this underwear.

Jenny pouted, and then looked over to Kelly for support, "Well, it's your funeral. You're lucky you got this far. You do realize that he will kill you, right? Is it worth it though?" Kelly didn't even need to ask again, the determined look on Jenny's grinning face said it all.

"Jenny, now cut this out at once," insisted Saito, ignoring the rubbing on this ass, "I-I'll take you out to eat with Kelly tomorrow." Jenny shook her head, "O-ok, I'll buy you both new kimonos," she still said no, "I'll take my shirt off… But that's it!"

Jenny thought about this for a moment. Then she spoke, quietly, "Hmmmm, you put down an interesting offer. I imagine that there are tons of Saito fans that would like to see what your obvious six-pack of a hard chest would look like. I being one of them. Yet, there's something more I want from you. Ohohohoohohoooo! Ahem, where was I? O yes, I want you to give me a kiss then, since you're not going to give me the obvious." She poked the bulge in his draws, causing him to flinch.

"That's it?" he raised his eyebrow skeptically, "You're lying."

"No no," cried Jenny, "I'll be happy knowing that the man I love gave me a big wet kiss with a tad of tongue."

"Gods, I'm going to hell," he said, rubbing forehead, "I'll do it, but you have to stop this wild behavior."

"Oh, I will," said Jenny, throwing a wink over to Kelly, who was beating Eiji down.

Saito leaned forward, but Jenny pushed his face back hard, "Ay! Take the shirt off! You promised, remember?"

Saito just growled and tossed his undershirt away angrily. Jenny and Kelly just stared in wonder as his muscular chest glistened and sparkled in the darkness.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh-meeeeeeeeeeeeeen," sang the cherubs.

Jenny looked up to the heavens, "Thank you, I swear, you'll see my bad Christian ass at church next Sunday." She even got within two inches of a nipple, eyes buggin' out, drooling like a leaky faucet.

"Can we get this over with please?"

Jenny was too enthralled with the mostly naked Saito in front of her to even notice he was talking, "Wah? Did you talk to me bulge? Yes, I will free you from the confining draws… It is my destiny…" Jenny's eyes glazed over and she looked like a zombie.

"Um, Jenny? Young lady! Stop looking at me down there!" cried Saito, trying to back away. Before he could get away, Jenny lunged at him.

"Raaaar!" she cried, straddling and kissing him repeatedly, "I love you Saito! Let's make babies!! Wow! You must be really happy to see me! Ohohohohohohohohhooo!"

"Uhg, stop it. Kelly! Kelly where are you going?!" he hollered, trying to tear his lips away from the untamed jungle woman that had just jumped him, "Jenny! Don't touch that! Ow!"

"Aww, you know you like it. Mwahahahahaa!"

"Please! I'm a married man! We can't do that!"

"Oooo, you're married and yet you tempt millions of female Saito fans with your god-like body on TV! Now hold still and take it like a man!"

"No!! If you don't stop this I'll be forced to hurt you. Or... Mmmm… Stop that! I-I'm losing control!"

"It's ok, I won't mind at all. Oooooo! I don't see you trying to stop me anyways. What if I rubbed this?"

"Don't you dare," Saito growled, yet made no move to stop her.

"Watch me."

An animal-like groan filled the room, only making Jenny try harder.

Kelly walked the hell out, sliding the door shut and propping a chair up behind it, "Ya'll need some time alone. Take lots of pictures Jenny!" called Kelly from the other side of the looking glass.

"Excuse me," said a cultivated and non-ghetto voice, "Have you seen Hajime? He hasn't come to bed yet."

Kelly froze, coughing to mask the bordello sounds that were emitting from the room, "Oho, Tokio… Uhhh, Saito is outside, smoking."

"Smoking again?" she cried, shocked, "I'll have to go and scold him. Thank you." She walked away.

Kelly breathed a sigh of relief.

Back in the room…