Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Maybe... ❯ Maybe... ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Maybe....


_____


She sat in front of her mirror, as she did everynight before she turned in. It was her moment.Her time to think, without risking being found out. Without every thought being read off her face as if it was written.
Sighing softly she passed the soft brush through her long dark hair again.
As she scrutinized her face by the dim candlelight, she tried to keep a smile on her face.

[ I know I look better when I smile...but it's starting to hurt...Whatever I do...I can't keep this up ]

She carefully placed the brush back on the small table and rubbed her hands over her face.

[ Will he ever see?]

Expertly she parted her hair into three locks to braid them as she always did. Letting her hands do this well-known task as she kept her eyes in front of her.
After tying her hair she got up in one fluid move.
Fingers working fast in the dark, she untied her obi and put it away.
Taking her time she carefully handled the precious material of her kimono as she undid every piece of string and ribbon that held the intricate folds in place underneath the obi. Finally the heavy fabric sank to the floor together with the tension in her shoulders.

[ I wish I never had to wear kimono again. But I know what people would say about me. unmarried, living with an older man, not acting like a young woman should. Maybe I should just give it up...]

She shrugged out of the heavy garment and carefully placed it over the bar where she ought to hang it.
Next she came to the underkimono, that too came off in an instant and was put away.

There she stood, still in front of her mirror. Her own form bringing tears to her eyes.

[ There's nothing wrong with my body...nothing...but then...why?!]

Absentmindedly, she passed her hand over her toned stomach and full breasts.

[ So badly, I want him to understand so badly...]

Ever since she had returned to her little family, since Kenshin came to get her back from Enishi. She had hoped something would change...and it did. To her despair, Kenshin seemed to avoid her more than ever. He greeted her as usual in the morning, and offered to do all sorts of things for her throughout the day. But day by day, his smiles seemed to become more rare. It was as if he couldn't even gather enough energy to pretend to smile.
After she had coersed Megumi into telling her about what happened while she was away, she had been trying to find away to help him. But she couldn't.

[ He needs to open his eyes. But I can't make him...can I?]

She unfolded her night-yukata and pulled it around herself.
For a moment, she closed her eyes, wishing it were his arms instead of her own that wrapped around her.
Tears that tried to make it down to the floor were hurriedly swiped from their paths.

[ This isn't helping either of us. I need to do something before he... ]

The thought of him leaving simply was to much to even be formed in her mind.
She blew out the candle and slid into her futon.
Yahiko had been a good student all this time. Lately she had seen him improve immensely. Since the fight with Enishi and his men, he seemed to have found his footing within the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu.

[ Before too long, he will leave too. Like Sano, and Megumi-san. I'll be alone again if...]

Too tired to even fight the memory, she relived the moment when he told her sayonara, to her face. Her heart still seemed to tighten as she watched him walk away in her mind's eye.
Miserably she curled onto her side, finding some comfort in the position.

[ Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to do something. Maybe I'll him how I feel...Maybe he'll feel the same...

Maybe..]

Sleep wrapped itself around her quickly.


____

As lighting split the heavy night's air, miserable sobs wracked her body. There was nothing she could do. He was gone. He wouldn't return to her this time.

Slowly it dawned on her that she was awake.

[ It wasn't real...He...]

Without a minute's thought, she ran from her bed, not even hesitating as she flung open the shoji to the room next to hers. His room.

Startled, Kenshin looked up. He never slept. Always, he sat by the window, cradling his sakabatou against his shoulder.
For a moment she stood frozen in the doorframe, but as his eyes met hers, something broke.
She stumbled to him, finally landing sobbing at his feet.

Kenshin's eyes widened. Automatically his hands flew to her shoulders, trying to get comfort her. Whatever she needed to be comforted for.

"Kaoru-dono, doushite de gozaru ka?"

One of her hands desperately latched onto one of his. Flinging the sakabatou out of his way he leaned in to her, trying to make out what she was whispering.

"Ken...Shin...onegai..."

The pain in her voice was almost tangible to him.

What did I do...Did I hurt her...

Tired of being indecisive her he wrapped his arms around her properly, pulling her shaking form into him.

"Tell me what's wrong, Kaoru-dono."

His voice was soft, gently as always, but deeper. Kaoru let herself be cuddled close to him as her blind panic subsided and made way for a clear view. Finally he let her go.

"I dreamed you had left..."

She saw him wince, apparently leaving for Kyoto had as much of an impact on him as it had on her. Somehow she felt flattered.

[ Maybe...]

"You didn't even say goodbye...Not this time...And then Enishi..."

Fresh tears rolled down her face. Kenshin sat watching her, powerless, paralized by her pain.

"Enishi showed me your sakabatou...you died...you died Kenshin...I couldn't..I just..."

Her voice broke, but she had said enough. She looked at Kenshin, but he looked straight past her, his eyes cold in the soft light of the lightning that occasionally lit the room.

"Kenshin...onegai..." She had somehow managed to control herself.

I did hurt her...But I hurt myself as well...Maybe there is a chance for us...Maybe she needs me as much as I need her...Maybe all I need to do is tell her...

Suddenly thunder roared and Kaoru ducked. She had never been fond of thunderstorms. When she was little, she remembered her father telling her stories to comfort her.

[ I miss O-tou-san.]

A warm hand on her shoulder shook her from her thoughts.

"Kaoru...Sumanai...I should have realized...I will never leave you...I can't"

She wasn't sure that she hadn't just fallen asleep again, or whether all of it had been a dream. But she knew he had just said her name...just her name...and he said he couldn't leave her. Couldn't.

"Y-You can't?"

Kenshin chuckled, she couldn't see his face now, but he sounded almost happy.

"Aa...I can't. I can't leave you if my heart keeps pulling me back. Back home. Back to you."

Her own heart was pounding in her ears.

"Kensh-"

He placed a gentle finger against her lips.

"Maybe I should make everything clear to you Kaoru...I don't want you to replace Tomoe." he smiled at her as she made a small sound of dismay.
"Wait...I don't want you to replace Tomoe...because I don't need Tomoe, Kaoru. I need, I want you..."

His voice trailed off into the darkness as tears started to stream down Kaoru's face again.

Immediately he worried.

Maybe I said too much...Maybe she doesn't feel that way.

"Kenshin..."

She reached for his hand in the darkness of his room and brought it to her mouth.

"Ai shiteru..."

Those words whispered against his skin made his world complete.
Pulling his hand from her grasp, he caressed her cheek, gently pulling her into a warm embrace as he muttered.

"Mo ai shiteru, Kaoru...zutto..."

Kaoru smiled into his gi and breathed his scent.

[ This is what I wanted. This is what i want...forever...]

After a moment, she settled herself beside him, wrapped in one of his arms, cradled against his shoulder.

[ I want him to kiss me. Maybe I could kiss him?]

Kenshin amusedly watched as she started blushing.
He tilted her face away from the floor and up to meet his eyes.

"Kaoru?"
-
she vehemently shook her head, but couldn't help staring a bit more that usual at his mouth, secretly willing him to kiss her.
Kenshin chuckled again.

Sou...de gozaru ka...

Before she could pull away he had closed the small distance between them, and pressed a loving kiss to her lips. Without thinking, she buried her hands in his gi, holding him close to her.
Before either of them was ready to let go, the kiss ended. Breathing deeply, Kaoru let herself be pulled into a tight hug again.

Suddenly Kenshin chuckled again, silently. He uncovered her hands in his gi and held them up to his face.

"Maybe I should marry you as soon as possible, de gozaru!"

Blushing furiously, but still giggling, Kaoru admired the face of the man she loved. The man that loved her.
Through the rest of the night, they sat in silence watching the night, both thinking of the future they would share, both feeling safe, both feeling loved.


Owari!

_______

list of Japanese words I used:

1. ai shiteru - I love you
2. de gozaru ( ka/yo) - kenshin's over-polite way of speech
3. -dono - Kenshin's over-polite favorite suffix
4. doushite - what's wrong
5. futon - bedding, rolled away during the day
6. kimono - Japanese traditional dress
7. mo ai shiteru - I love you too
8. obi - broad piece of fabric, tied in a bow over the kimono
9. onegai - please
10. sakabatou - reverse bladed sword
11. shoji - sliding door
12. sou - is that so
13. yukata - thin cotton kimono, used at night or in summer
14. zutto - always


Desperately needed a break from everything, it's tiny, and not too great. But I needed to get it out of my system.



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