Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ My Answer ❯ My Answer ( Chapter 1 )

My Answer

 

This one-shot has not been beta'd.

 

Summary: Kenshin's nightmares unexpectedly escalate. Will he ever truly recover from the pain of killing Tomoe? (Jinchuu Arc continuation) K/K

 

Note: The Japanese language is highly flexible and very beautiful. Although I do love mixing Japanese with English to try to keep the story true, I believe there is a limit which can severely decrease a story's enjoyment factor. I decided to ignore Kenshin's changes between his use of “sessha” versus “ore,” although I felt it necessary to keep “de gozaru.” Nevertheless, this story does contain MANY Japanese phrases. I've included a glossary at the end for reference. I apologize to those whom may not enjoy this story due to the intricate language mix.

 

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor claim to own, any part of Watsuki Nobuhiro-dono's creations.

Rated: X for one lemon at the end of this story… I clearly marked the beginning.

 

Ages:

Himura Kenshin - with Tomoe = 15, with Kaoru = 28

Himura-Yukishiro Tomoe - 18

Kamiya Kaoru - 17

Myojin Yahiko - 11

Takani Megumi - 22

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

December 31, 1878

 

“It's alright… so please, don't cry…”

 

“To… mo… e…” He held her tightly in his arms, tears of deep-seated grief painfully pouring from his eyes. He watched her eyes close, her final tears leaking down her pale, lifeless cheeks.

 

“TOMOE!!!”

 

The smell of white plums, so overwhelming a moment ago, softened in the darkness, blending with another, more faint scent… jasmine?... He was still sobbing over the corpse clutched in his arms. He opened his eyes, looking down at the body, and gasped in sheer horror. His breathing hitched, shock prevailing throughout his overly-tensed body. Words echoed in his mind, his own words, her wide-open eyes staring emptily up into his…

 

“What good is Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu… what good is Himura Kenshin… AGAIN I failed to protect the one person most important to me… Kaoru… -dono…”

 

“KAORU!!!”

 

Kenshin simultaneously grabbed his sakabatou and leapt up out of his futon, fully awake before he was on his feet. He didn't make it, though, as he immediately crashed back down on all fours. His other arm shot to his stomach, pain coursing through him as his silent sobbing intensified. Three months has passed since Enishi's Jinchuu, yet Kenshin still wasn't completely healed from his multiple, internal injuries. Stubbornly ignoring his agony, he stumbled back up to his feet and slid open his bedroom's inner door. He leaned heavily against the doorframe a moment, trying to catch his breath, still holding his stomach. Wretchedly slow, he made his way down the private hallway to the bedroom beside his own.

 

Calming his haggard breathing, Kenshin silently slid open the shoji, letting out a profound sigh of relief, and closed the shoji behind himself. He walked up to Kaoru's futon, collapsing to his knees behind her head. He watched her sleep seemingly become more peaceful with his presence so near. Kenshin gently caressed a hair away from her cheek, and she unconsciously turned into his hand. He allowed her heat to warm his palm for but a moment before retreating away from her futon. He walked to the opposite side of her room and sat against the wall, facing her. Curling up with his sakabatou, Kenshin leaned back wearily and watched Kaoru for the rest of the night till just before dawn…

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

January 1, 1879

 

“I just don't know what to do…”

 

Megumi sat beside Kaoru in the dojo on the sidelines, removing her arm from around Kaoru's back. Kaoru had just finished sobbing, yet again for this week…

 

“Will you finally tell me what's been going on with Ken-san? You're the only one whom knows, Kaoru-chan…”

 

Kaoru wiped her eyes on her arms. “Ever since he's recovered enough to be able to walk again, I wake up every morning to find him sleeping in my room.”

 

“What?! Ken-san isn't that kind of man!”

 

“No, no! I don't mean that way! I never hear him, but he sneaks in in the middle of the night with his sakabatou, sits against the wall at the opposite end of my futon, and passes out. Every morning, I wake up to cover him with a blanket, just to find fresh tear streaks covering his face. His eyes have become so hollow and dull; he's so pale. Even his hair has lost its shine. These past two weeks have been the worst with his nightmares--“

 

“Nightmares?”

 

“Kenshin used to suffer from Bakumatsu nightmares when he first agreed to stay here. But those eventually went away. Now, he's definitely suffering nightmares of Enishi's Jinchuu, and I'm guessing probably of Tomoe-san's death as well. Megumi-san, I don't know how to help him? You have him on the strongest sedatives, and those don't even work anymore. He's at the point now where he's not getting any rest at all, even when he does sleep. He insists on doing the laundry, but then that saps the little energy he has for the entire day.”

 

“Have you tried waking him from the nightmares?”

 

“Yes, but he never wakes from them… I've tried, Yahiko's tried, neither of our voices reach him. His nightmares are terrifying, Megumi-san. He screams and sobs for Tomoe-san and myself; he tosses violently on his futon, as if he's fighting… and losing every time…”

 

“And as usual, he's shouldering the burden by himself and not letting the rest of us help him?” Megumi finished for Kaoru. Kaoru sighed heavily. They remained silent for a while, each woman lost in thought. Suddenly, Megumi blanched.

 

“You said for the past two weeks… and they've been steadily growing worse?” Megumi asked.

 

“Hai.”

 

“Kaoru-chan, I don't recall Ken-san mentioning which exact winter's day he had killed Tomoe-san… do you?”

 

Kaoru's head snapped up. She paled as her eyes met Megumi's.

 

“No, he never did say…”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“So I can't win… You're right about that…” Battousai said to the Bakufu's Operations Field Chief, smiling as he spoke to the eyes of his long-awaited death.

 

“But if I could kill him at the same time... If I can't rely on my senses, I'll sacrifice myself and risk it all on the last blow… I'm sorry, Tomoe. Live on in the new era, and be happy…” Kenshin thought, calm in his decided end. He haphazardly charged his adversary, leaping up into the air to perform his final Ryu Tsui Sen, blinded by the blood leaking into his eyes…

 

“That's…”

 

“-- That scent…”

 

“White… plum--“

 

“TOMOE!!!” As he came down from his leap, the snow shimmered and changed into white smoke…

 

“The fragrance of white plums. To me, it is the fragrance of my sister. For you, it is the end--“

 

“Kaoru… -dono…”

 

“Follow it without losing your way. There lies the “ANSWER” that you seek.”

 

“KAORU!!!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Kuso! He won't wake up again!” Yahiko grumbled tormentedly… stubborn, unshed tears in his eyes as he ached for his idol's pain.

 

“TOMOE!!!”

 

“Shhh, Kenshin, Kaoru's coming…” Yahiko said to the unhearing Kenshin. He looked to the open bedroom door, seeing her appear a moment later. He was too tired to be shocked that she hadn't bothered with either getting dressed or even putting on a haori this night. She had risen from her futon and came straight here with no pretenses. Utter exhaustion apparent in all of her limbs, she walked to Kenshin's futon, stepped on it, and kneeled down flush to his arm. She gently fought his struggling limbs and pulled him to sit up, cradling his head on her chest. Tears leaked from Kaoru's eyes, Kenshin's constant torture having ripped her heart to shreds nights ago.

 

“KAORU!!!” Kenshin sobbed out in anguish, muffled against her chest. Suddenly, his arms wrapped tightly around her chest, almost cutting off her air. His fingers dug into her yukata, and she sighed at hearing a tearing sound echo loudly in the quiet room.

 

“I don't know how much longer he's going to last like this…” Yahiko said, moving to kneel on the floor off to the side of the futon.

 

“Kenshin, why won't you wake up? Why can't you hear us?” she whispered into his hair, embracing him as tightly as her weakened arms would allow. Kenshin pulled harder on her yukata, and she fleetingly prayed he would be able to reign in his strength in his sleep so as to not end up with her naked chest in his face.

 

“Kaoru…” Kenshin whimpered weakly.

 

“Only in his sleep…” Yahiko observed exhaustedly. Kaoru turned to him. “Only in his sleep, he drops your honorific. What does that mean, Kaoru?”

 

They both sighed in relief, finally hearing Kenshin's sobs begin to subdue for this night. “I don't know, Yahiko. I wish I di--,” she started to answer softly, then suddenly gasped.

 

“Kaoru?!” Yahiko startled.

 

Kaoru's mouth opened in shock… Kenshin… Kenshin turned into her neck and… he opened his mouth on her skin and suckled a kiss. She looked down, unexpectedly meeting his head on the way up. Kenshin's tongue slid past her parted lips, his lips lightly sucking on top of hers in a quick, teasing kiss. Kaoru didn't have time to answer Yahiko as Kenshin continued to kiss her sweetly, chastely. Assaulted with his surprising talent and her rolling emotions, her eyes closed and she gave in to him. Kenshin continued to kiss her, slowly deepening his affections. He worked his way back to melding their tongues once more, and Kaoru moaned at his tongue's skillfully sensual caresses. He kissed her for many long minutes before his head fell back to her shoulder. She opened her eyes as his arms dropped limply behind her, the weight of his body sagging heavily in her arms.

 

“Kaoru!” Yahiko yelled. Yahiko was stunned, in more ways than one. Kenshin did all of that… without waking up. He stared at Kaoru's blankly dazed expression, her eyes glazed over as she breathed heavily through her parted lips. She looked at Yahiko, focus finally returning to her gaze.

 

“Yahiko?”

 

He could see neither adult was able to take care of themselves at the moment. Yahiko gently helped Kaoru lay Kenshin back down and rearrange his blankets back over him properly. They walked together out into the hallway, leaving Kenshin's door open just in case he had another nightmare.

 

“Kaoru, you ok?”

 

“H--“ she leaned against the wall for a moment, trying to catch her breath. “Hai, I'm…” Yahiko sighed, too tired to make fun of her, and took her hand. Like the gentleman he really is, he guided her back to her bedroom and put her to bed, folding her covers over his `big sister”. She quickly fell asleep as he arranged her covers. Yahiko yawned widely and returned back to Kenshin's bedroom, peering inside. His eyes widened at the sight… Kenshin was finally sleeping peacefully, for the first time in weeks.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

January 2, 1879

 

Kaoru was kneeling in front of her dressing table, tying her hair up in its customary ponytail. She laid her comb down on the table and checked herself for decency. Then, she looked again. Unsure of herself, she lit a candle for more light and pulled her kimono down her neck to her collarbone…

 

“So it wasn't a dream…” she said, fingers tracing her first hickey, her other hand rising, memorably caressing her lips…

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Ohayo, de gozaru yo, Kaoru-dono!” Kenshin greeted from the stove.

 

“Kenshin! You're up!”

 

“Hai, de gozaru. I'm sorry I've been an inconvenience lately. Arigatou gozaimasu for taking care of me while I was ill, Kaoru-dono,” Kenshin said as he removed their breakfast from the heat, laying out food onto the serving trays Yahiko had setup. “Breakfast is ready and Yahiko's meditating out in the dojo. Could you let him know, please, de gozaru?”

 

She studied under his eyes, noting the large, almost black bags of skin had considerably lightened in color from the previous days past. His skin was not quite as pale either. She walked up to him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

 

“Oro?” he stilled.

 

“Let me do that, Kenshin. How about you go get Yahiko, ne?” she smiled brightly for him. They stared at each other a moment, before Kenshin blushed. Kaoru suddenly realized her hand was still on his shoulder. A daring streak ran through her; she stepped forward and leaned into him. She laid her chin on his shoulder and placed her palms on his chest in an open hug.

 

“Yokatta, Kenshin. I was so worried about you.”

 

“Gomen nasai, Kaoru-dono,” he whispered, making no move to hold her, merely craning his neck and rubbing his cheek fondly against hers. They stayed that way for a minute. “I'll go get Yahiko, de gozaru.”

 

“Aa.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Later that evening, with everyone securely in bed and fast asleep, Kaoru remained wide awake. She was unable to pull her mind away from the breathtaking kiss with Kenshin from the night before. She wanted to believe that kiss was the reason Kenshin looked so much healthier today, but didn't want to delude herself with such childish thoughts. She would be happy for the rest of her life, so long as she could stay by his side… even if she would permanently remain an unmarried maiden.

 

Her cheeks promptly blushed as she recalled Megumi's advice to her notion. She had to agree that yes, she is human, and yes, humans are sexual beings. She was scared of running into health problems in the future just because she would stay eternally untouched. Masturbation had seemed such a horrid, vulgar suggestion; however, as she thought of that kiss and how hot her body had become, it didn't seem so far-fetching an atrocity. Not to mention, it is a full-fledged doctor advising her that she has to do it eventually for the sake of her health…

 

Sighing heavily, Kaoru pushed her covers to the foot of her futon and unbraided her hair. She quickly untied her yukata, neatly folded the belt, and laid it on top of the covers. Considering how unpredictable Yahiko can be, she kept the yukata on, only opening its front flaps all the way as she move the pillow away to lie back down. Megumi said something about putting the pillow under the small of her back… she took the pillow and moved it into position.

 

“Ok, so all I do is touch myself?” Following Megumi's advice, she first centered her mind and focused on the most sensual thought she had…

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Tomoe…”

 

“Are you… still tired and unable to stand up?”

 

“Not at all… I'm just resting a bit… For fifteen years since that snowy day, I've been wielding my sword,” Kenshin smiled.

 

“I know,” she replied seriously.

 

“… and probably… I'll keep on wielding,” he continued, in a state of contentment.

 

“I know,” Tomoe's lips curved up into a beautiful smile. Kenshin's smile widened.

 

“At last… you smiled for me,” he said softly, looking up at her from his sitting position.

 

“Hai… If you smile, I, who is inside yourself, will always smile with you.”

 

“Sou ka?”

 

“Hai, sou des. Saa, Kenshin, the person who wants your smile most is still awaiting for you… Please wake up quickly and meet her…”

 

Kenshin snapped awake, the calmest feeling he'd ever had in his entire life sweeping over him, infusing all of his senses. He sat up, amazed with the complete lack of any nightmares whatsoever. He looked at his dressing table, to see the tea candle still glowing brightly. He had only slept for almost two hours, but felt as if it'd been the entire night. Strange… Listening to the night's quiet, he closed his eyes, simply enjoying being alive, when a whimper reached his ears. His eyes shot open, instantly on alert. He stayed still and slowed his heart, listening intently. There… behind him… it came again, from Kaoru's room!

 

Kenshin quickly grabbed his sakabatou and blew out his candle, in case it was robbers. He slunk stealthily out of his bedroom and down the hall to Kaoru's shoji. He slid it open barely a crack, then covered his mouth and nose to smother his shocked gasp…

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LEMON FROM HERE TO THE END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Who knew masturbation could feel so… unsoiled? Kaoru silently gasped through her open mouth, her bottom propped up on her head-pillow, as she quickly thrust two fingers in and out of herself with her other hand tweaking a nipple.

 

“Ooooo, Kenshin…”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Kenshin's breath hitched when he heard her moan out his name. Unthinkingly and still in stealth mode, he opened and closed her shoji. He slid into her room's shadows behind her field of vision, away from her dressing table where four candles still glowed brightly. Once in a corner, he tried to rationalize his thoughts and convince himself out of this insane voyeurism. However, it didn't help that she orgasmed at that moment, his name on her lips…

 

 

“There lies the “ANSWER” that you seek.”

 

 

Kaoru rested a moment, flushed from her activities, her body covered in a light sheen of sweat, reflected in the candlelight. She smiled, highly satisfied, and pulled her wet fingers out of herself to play with her core. She was nowhere near tired and ready to go for orgasm number three…

 

 

“Atonement is… for sinful crimes, no matter how much pain is poured into atonement, it can't become that without someone's forgiveness…”

 

 

Kenshin stood in his corner, watching her begin anew. His mouth watered as he grew heated. His yukata quickly tented as his excitement rose with his flush. Kaoru wants… him. Even after everything that's happened to everyone in the past year, all because of him, regardless, she still wants him.

 

 

“That's not his truth. They couldn't reach his heart that way. But, if someone came needing help, they'd reach him. THAT is his inner truth, so he'd have to answer. No matter how big, or small… he'd find a way to break free of his bonds… and rise.”

 

 

Kenshin leaned his sakabatou securely against the corner, all conscious thought instantly leaving him. Acting on pure instinct, he reached down and stroked himself, wanting to hear her say his name again...

 

 

“My answer…”

 

 

Kaoru spread her legs further apart, feeling her orgasm quickly approach. She fell over the edge, gasping out his name…

 

 

“My answer is…”

 

 

Kaoru inhaled sharply, squeaking in shock. She neither saw him enter her room, nor noticed how he had managed to position himself so adeptly, so swiftly, so decisively, trapping her body beneath his own. Kenshin kneeled down over her, his right knee between her legs, the other leg tucked under her spread one. He leaned on his left hand beside her head, and cupped his right hand over hers, still inside her. She was still spasming, and he leaned down to his elbow, kissing her breath away, intensifying her orgasm as his fingers pushed and pulled on hers. When she had finished, he pulled both of her hands above her head and held her wrists with his left hand. He pushed two of his fingers inside of her, finding she was beyond ready for him…

 

“Kaoru...”

 

“Kenshin…”

 

Without uncovering himself, he moved between her knees and rubbed his erection against her stomach. Her eyes widened, feeling his excitement.

 

“Are you sure? Are you sure I'm the one you want, forever?”

 

Despite their desperate states, Kaoru smiled up at him. “Aishiteru, Kenshin.”

 

“Kaoru,” he whispered and parted his yukata to the sides. Unable to wait for untying his belt, he guided himself to her center, pushing in up to her barrier.

 

“Last chance,” his voice strained out painfully.

 

“Make me yours, Anata.” Kenshin pulled out almost all the way, and slammed fully into her; breathing hard, he was only barely able to keep from orgasming there on the spot. Kenshin suddenly realized just how long thirteen years was, and that he wasn't going to last long. Her previous orgasms had more than sufficiently lubricated her passage, dulling what would have been the painful loss of her virginity to a mere sting. Extremely aroused, she refused to wait for adjustment and pushed her hips up into his.

 

“Kami Kaoru, so tight,” he gasped, quickly ripping his belt off, his yukata opened in the front. He laid back down over her, immediately thrusting long and hard. Kaoru threw her head back, the new sensations too much after her own self-pleasuring sessions. Kenshin grabbed her left knee and hauled it up to her shoulder, the harsh angle instantly accelerating her towards the next orgasm. He solidly kissed her, his tongue moving around hers in a sweetly dominating dance. Kaoru reached down to pleasure her core as Kenshin ground himself into her, shocks of electricity radiating throughout both of them. Aching against release, he soon changed his angle yet again; he pulled away from her and sat up on his knees. Grabbing her other knee, he held her open and pounded up and into her, the pillow creating the perfect angle. He was now able to squarely stimulate her g-spot on every thrust.

 

“Kenshin!” She felt a new fire building in her stomach, one that didn't happen with her fingers. This one was sweeter, taking its time at first, but now felt like a seconds-long, charged grenade about to explode. She fondled herself again. Kenshin closed his eyes, suffering from stimulation overload. His body was still too weak from his nearly-fatal injuries, both mental and physical… He couldn't hold back… It's been far too long…

 

“Kaoru!” he cried out, his release so powerful it bordered on excruciating… Kaoru wasn't far behind, and feeling his spurts inside her catalyzed her release into blissful oblivion with him. They rode the waves out together, before Kenshin collapsed on top of her. They panted, Kaoru embracing Kenshin snugly to her chest. She soon felt uncomfortable with the pillow underneath her, and raised her hips to remove it. He took that as the signal to get off her, but she quickly hugged him in place.

 

“Pull out the pillow for me please?” He smiled and did as she asked, then resettled himself on top of her. She ran a hand through his gorgeous fiery mane. Kenshin lay still, enjoying her light ministrations and their first, intimate connection. He felt the welcome darkness tug forcefully at his consciousness, but wanted nothing more than to stay awake and feel the pleasure of finally holding Kaoru in his arms.

 

“Kaoru.”

 

“Nani, Kenshin?”

 

“Aishiteru… Koishii.” Kaoru kissed the top of his head.

 

“Kenshin.”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“Rest.”

 

Kenshin smiled and cuddled into her warmth, closing his eyes in surrender, finally at peace.

 

“My answer… is in my arms… at last.”

 

 

~ Owari ~

 

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Author's Note: Mou, chapter 15 of “Never For the Public…” is killing me. I'm so much better at writing fighting and humour scenes than rituals. I'm hoping to get it out in another week or so, once I'm finally satisfied with the content. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this one-shot I dreamed up yesterday night…

 

Katajikenai, minna-san.

 

Glossary:

 

-chan = an honorific pronoun suffix addressed to someone whom is younger, or equal to, in age, or for friends

-dono = an honorific pronoun suffix addressed to someone of important standing… Kenshin uses this over-excessively in connection with his Kenjougo (polite) language use

-san = an honorific pronoun suffix addressed to someone whom is older, or is a stranger

Aa = an exclamation made in agreement or acknowledgement of the previous statement or gesture

Aishiteru = I love you

Anata = in this story, a term of endearment usually used by the wife

Arigatou gozaimasu = Thank you very much

Bakufu = the opposing war faction, the Tokugawa regime

Bakumatsu = The Late Tokugawa Shogunate period in Japan's history from 1853-1867, ending with the Boshin War of 1868 and the final battle at Toba-Fushimi

Battou-jutsu = (Quick Draw Technique) by whipping the sword out of its sheath, one can increase its speed twice- or three-fold, which can kill with one blow without taking a single blow from one's opponent. This is a real-life kenjutsu technique.

Battousai = Kenshin's name during the Bakumatsu Revolutionary War per his sword-fighting specialty, Battoujutsu… the -sai at the end designates him as a Battoujutsu Master, having perfected every Battou-technique possible

De gozaru = an obsolete phrase of extreme politeness added to the end of sentences, roughly translated to “that it is”, a form of “to be”… (I only use one conjugation of de gozaru to keep things simple.)

Gomen nasai = I'm very sorry

Hai = Yes

Haori = traditional Japanese coat worn over a kimono

Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu = the killing style of swordsmanship that Kenshin fights with, allowing him to swiftly slaughter a multitude of opponents at one time

Ishin Shishi = the war faction Kenshin was a shadow-assassin for during the Bakumatsu Revolutionary War

Kami = God

Katajikenai = Old Samurai language, now obsolete… Thank You formally; grateful; indebted

Koishii = a term of endearment usually used by the husband

Kuso = curse for “Damn!”

Minna = Everyone

Nani? = What?

Ne = equivalent to a softly spoken English “hey” or “is that right?”

Ore = “ I “ (typical brash male pronoun)

Oro = an exclamation, only slightly similar to the English “huh?”

Owari = Japanese traditional way of ending stories, “The End”

Rurouni = homeless wanderer, vagabond

Ryu Tsui Sen = (Dragon Hammer Strike) Kenshin's favorite Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu technique, a sword-drop technique delivered from above, targeting the crown of the head or the shoulder of the adversary... the key to the technique lays in the height gained from the user's jump and the free-fall, which is applied to multiply the force of the sword's strike

Saa = an exclamation similar to the English word “so”

Sakabatou = Kenshin's reversed-blade sword

Sessha = this humbled one, this unworthy one… Kenshin uses this over-excessively in connection with his Kenjougo (polite) language use

Shoji = Japanese sliding door

Sou des = “That is so”

Sou ka = “Is that so?” or “I see”

Yokatta = I'm glad!

Yukata = a very light kimono worn to bed