Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Never for the Public... ❯ Return to Otsu ( Chapter 3 )

Never for the public…

Chapter 3 - Return to Otsu

Chapter Summary - Kaoru's diagnosis and Kenshin's solution.

 

This story has not been beta'd.

 

Summary: Kaoru's suffered a traumatic experience resulting in anxiety attacks. How does Kenshin plan to cure her? This story is based on the manga and anime up to the end of the Kyoto Arc, and ignores the Jinchuu Arc. However, sometime before this story, Kenshin does confide his past to his friends (same roundtable as in manga, different reasons irrelevant to this story)…

 

Note: The Japanese language is highly flexible and very beautiful. Although I do love mixing Japanese with English to try to keep the story true, I believe there is a limit which can severely decrease a story's enjoyment factor. I decided to ignore Kenshin's changes between his use of “sessha” versus “ore,” although I felt it necessary to keep “de gozaru.” Nevertheless, this story does contain MANY Japanese phrases. I've included a glossary at the end for reference. I apologize to those whom may not enjoy this story due to the intricate language mix.

 

The warning only applies to the first two chapters. Since the rest are “normal” chapters, I'm removing the warning and reducing the rating…

 

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor claim to own, any part of Watsuki Nobuhiro-dono's creations.

Rated: X

 

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“She's fine. I gave Kaoru-chan a painkiller and she's sleeping peacefully now,” Megumi advised Kenshin and Sanosuke in the small room where Kaoru was passed out on a futon. Kenshin reached out and gently caressed a stray hair on her forehead.

 

“Ken-san.” Kenshin looked up at Megumi.

 

“You had mentioned that she was raped?” Kenshin's eyes saddened as he nodded. Megumi smiled at him. “I'm glad you're not a doctor, Ken-san,” Megumi chuckled at Kenshin's and Sanosuke's puzzled expressions.

 

“I don't understand, de gozaru, Megumi-dono?” Kenshin questioned guilelessly.

 

“Kaoru-chan is still innocent,” Megumi firmly stated. Shock emanated from Kenshin and Sanosuke. Kenshin listlessly dropped his head, shaking it in the negative.

 

“Gomen, Megumi-dono, but that can't be…”

 

“KEN-SAN!”

 

“Itai!” Kenshin yelped as Megumi scolded him, pulling harshly on his ear. Sanosuke winced in sympathy.

 

“H-Hai, de gozaru!” Kenshin stuttered.

 

“Are you questioning my professional opinion?” Megumi huffed and let go of his hurting ear. Kenshin shrunk back, fearfully trying to stave off her fury.

 

“No, de gozaru! It's not that! You misunderstand me, de gozaru! It's just…” Kenshin sighed. Megumi's eyes softened. She kneeled beside him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

 

“Don't hesitate, Ken-san,” she crooned softly to him.

 

“Megumi-dono, we saw… we saw…” Kenshin said softly, unable to voice the painful images.

 

“We witnessed her being taken... one of them was inside her when we arrived,” Sanosuke finished for Kenshin, sitting cross-legged on the other side of the futon.

 

“Ken-san, I'm not sure what you and this tori-atama saw--”

 

“OI! KITSUNE!--“ Sanosuke grumbled at her, completely ignored.

 

“--but I think if you re-examine your memories in a new light, you might see things differently?” Kenshin looked up at Megumi, then at Sanosuke, finally at Kaoru. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

 

“Kenshin?” Sanosuke questioned.

 

“Let me meditate a moment, de gozaru, Sano,” Kenshin whispered. Sanosuke nodded and closed his eyes as well to do the same. Megumi waited patiently as they searched their memories, double-checking the details for anything they might have missed. After a while, both men looked up at each other at the same time, their faces grim.

 

“Sorry Kitsune, but we know what we saw,” Sanosuke said softly. Megumi watched as Kenshin gazed worriedly at Kaoru. She shook her head.

 

“I have no idea what you two saw… did you stop to consider it might have been staged?” she said thoughtfully.

 

“No,” Kenshin stated firmly, “What we witnessed definitely was not staged.”

 

“Well then, it would seem the only one whom can answer the perplexing question of how it's possible she's still innocent is Kaoru herself. The painkiller I gave her will keep her asleep for the rest of the night. I suggest both of you go home and get some sleep yourselves…” Megumi trailed off as Kenshin stood up and removed his sakabatou. He walked over to the wall in front of Kaoru and sat down in his sleeping pose, cradling his sword.

 

“Ken-san?”

 

“I'm not leaving her side again,” Kenshin said. Sanosuke smiled as Megumi was about to protest.

 

“Hey Kitsune, got a yukata I could borrow for tonight?” Sanosuke asked as he rose and went to stand beside Megumi, whom also rose.

 

“Stop calling me kitsune, Tori-atama!” she instantly growled up at him, unaware that he'd gotten too close to her. Her tirade ended abruptly as she gazed up into his smiling eyes. He gently put a hand on her shoulder.

 

“C'mon, let's leave these two alone,” he whispered to her. She nodded and followed him out of the room, closing the door quietly behind them. Kenshin watched the door close, then looked back at Kaoru. He gazed at her forlornly, longing to hold her in his arms as she slept. Thoroughly annoyed with himself, he made up his mind and stood. Kenshin placed his sword at the head of the futon. He lay down on top of the futon blanket and pulled Kaoru into his arms, making sure she was snug under the blanket. Tucking her under his chin, he kissed the top of her head. Kenshin closed his eyes and quickly gave in to his exhaustion.

 

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The next morning, Kenshin immediately snapped awake when he perceived someone outside the door. Not sensing danger, he stayed still and feigned sleep, his bangs easily hiding his slightly opened eyes.

 

Megumi yawned as she opened the door to check on her patient, and gasped in mid-yawn. She stared in shock at the sleeping couple, then giggled.

 

“Took you long enough, Ken-san,” she whispered as she closed the door. Kenshin smiled, shifting Kaoru a bit as he fell back to sleep.

 

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Kaoru slowly awoke, fighting the light pulling her to consciousness. She unthinkingly cuddled deeper into the warmth surrounding her, luxuriating the sensations of being safe and secure. Kaoru gasped as the warmth around her held her closer. She opened her eyes to a well-muscled chest and panicked, trying to escape the arms keeping her trapped. Her panic quickly blossomed. She heard a voice speaking to her, but couldn't understand what it was saying. Her heart thudded too loud, too fast in her ears. It became difficult to breath as she felt her left arm and shoulder go numb, spreading down to her chest. She fought to draw in air as her nasal passages and throat constricted. Kaoru suddenly felt several pairs of hands lift her into a sitting position as another pair tried to force something down her throat. She coughed some of the medicine back out, almost choking on it. Utterly terrified and unable to clearly see what was happening around her, nausea slammed into her. She felt her body turned around, unaware as she vomited into a ready bucket. Stomach empty but still heaving, her body finally gave up from lack of oxygen. She felt like she was dying and thought of Kenshin sadly as darkness swiftly reclaimed her.

 

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“This is not good; she's developed an anxiety disorder associated with her assault,” Dr. Gensai explained to Kenshin, Sanosuke, and Yahiko. Megumi stood beside Dr. Gensai listening.

 

“A wha?” Yahiko asked.

 

“It's a mental disorder associated with her traumatic experience. From now on, if she encounters anything that reminds her subconsciously of that experience, the anxiety will resurface. She'll be perfectly normal as long as she avoids situations similar in any way to what happened. The negative of avoiding those situations is her anxiety will permanently remain unresolved. The only way for the affected person to cure themselves is to face head-on, and most importantly overcome, the situation which caused the anxiety in the first place. However, if she is ever in a similar situation again, she will try to escape it using any and all means necessary so that she does not have to face the source of the anxiety itself. It's a vicious circle. Unfortunately, there is no cure for anxiety disorders as they were only recently discovered to be a true medical condition,” Megumi explained. All of them went silent, lost in their own thoughts.

 

“So there is a cure…” Kenshin said out loud to himself.

 

“Ken-san?” Everyone in the small room looked expectantly at Kenshin. Kenshin sat quietly for another moment, then looked at each person slowly. They recognized when his eyes became firmly determined.

 

“We're leaving for Kyoto, just Kaoru-dono and myself,” Kenshin declared.

 

“NANI?!!!!!!!!!!” Everyone yelled simultaneously flabbergasted.

 

“Sano, could you stay at the dojo and help Yahiko while we're gone, de gozaru?”

 

“W-wait a minute, Kenshin! What the hell are you blabbering about?” Sanosuke yelled pissed-off. Kenshin stood straight off the wall he was leaning against.

 

“I own a small home outside of Kyoto in Otsu, de gozaru. It's been well kept up for all of these years by some old friends of mine. I'm going to take Kaoru there so that she can recover peacefully, de gozaru,” Kenshin explained.

 

“But Ken-san, you do realize YOU act as a trigger for her anxiety?” Megumi questioned softly.

 

“Hai… and as Dr. Gensai said, if she is ever to fully recover, she must confront and master her new fear, de gozaru,” Kenshin looked down as he continued, ”I realize this will be pure torture for her. However, since we've discovered I am a trigger, I believe it would be best to over-expose her to me, de gozaru. It will give her the chance to defeat the fear. If I fail, she will never be cured, isn't that right, de gozaru?” He looked up to Megumi and Dr. Gensai. They nodded affirmatively.

 

“Kenshin?” Yahiko asked confused. Kenshin smiled and patted Yahiko's head.

 

“Daijoubu, Yahiko. I will take good care of Kaoru-dono, de gozaru. No harm will ever come to her again if I can help it. You can help us greatly by taking care of the dojo in our absence, de gozaru,” Kenshin said.

 

“How long will you be gone?” Sanosuke asked. Kenshin looked to the two doctors. They both looked at each other and shrugged.

 

“Everyone takes a different amount of time to conquer anxiety, if at all,” Megumi said.

 

“In that case, I don't know how long we will be gone, but I will write to you all once a week, de gozaru,” Kenshin replied as he turned to the door.

 

“Oi Kenshin! You never told us you owned a home?! So are you secretly rich and been hiding it from us all this time?!” Sanosuke teased jokingly. Kenshin's head dropped down as his shoulders slumped, his hand rested wearily on the open door. He paused for a moment to take a breath.

 

“It was… where Tomoe and I had lived.” He walked out of the room without looking back to see the devastated shock he left in his wake.

 

“So much pain…” Megumi whispered. Unable to hold back her tears, she collapsed to her knees…

 

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Why?

 

Kaoru stared at the garden. She leaned against the porch beam, her mind calmly numb. She knew Kenshin was only trying to help her, but thinking back on what Dr. Gensai and Megumi had intricately explained to her, she didn't see how this little excursion was going to help. Sure, Kenshin had acted as a trigger for her attack that one time, but a week had passed with no signs of recurrence. They had arrived at Kenshin's and Tomoe's old home only an hour ago, and if anything, at least she felt far more at peace than she had back in Tokyo. It was as if Tomoe's spirit inhabited the home, watching over Kenshin.

 

Kenshin.

 

Why did he bring her here? She had raged at him angrily, putting her foot down and stating she wasn't budging from Tokyo. Needless to say Sanosuke, Yahiko, and herself were all shocked when Kenshin had picked her up over his shoulder, strode to her bedroom where he deposited her, and commanded her to pack enough clothes for a long trip.

 

Why?

 

Kenshin's always been extremely passive and docile to the point of idiocy. He's always made it a point to NEVER show his aggressiveness outside of battle. What's with this sudden, dominating behaviour?

 

It was obvious the closer they came to this house, the higher his own unusual anxiety rose. Why had he never given up this home? His pain was so intense it infused the air itself into an almost tangible form. She achingly wanted to relieve his years-long pain, but it was obvious to her that Kenshin was still dearly in love with Tomoe, not her. She didn't stand a chance against the memories of his deceased wife… a wife whom had been pure upon their marriage bed. Those monsters took the only gift Kaoru had to offer Kenshin. Why would he have anything to do with her now? Kaoru collapsed down to her knees and hugged herself tightly.

 

Why here? Why now?

 

The breath was knocked out of her as she was suddenly swooshed up into Kenshin's strong arms. She looked up at him, concern etching his features.

 

“Kenshin?” she whispered tearfully.

 

“It's going to be chilly tonight, de gozaru. I'm sorry we got here so late in the evening, Kaoru-dono,” He said, cradling her preciously to his chest as he carried her inside, kicking the door closed. He took her to the indoor bathroom and set her on her feet just outside the tub.

 

“I've stoked the fire well, so the water should stay hot for quite a while. I also did some unpacking,” he pointed at the shelf in the outer-bathroom, now stocked with clean towels and yukatas, “I'll heat up dinner while you bathe.” Kenshin turned to leave.

 

“Kenshin?” He stopped, only turning his head sideways to her. “Why?” He turned around to face her.

 

“Why are you doing this?” He returned to her and gently smoothed her tears with his fingers. She held her breath at the unexpected caress. She could only stare, frozen in place, as he leaned down towards her. Her eyes closed as he placed a chaste kiss on her lips. Kenshin slowly retreated, stroking her cheek lovingly. He turned and left the room, closing the door behind himself. Kaoru touched her fingers to her lips, dazed.

 

“Why?” she whispered to herself.

 

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Glossary:

 

-chan = an honorific pronoun suffix addressed to someone whom is younger, or equal to, in age, or for friends

-dono = an honorific pronoun suffix addressed to someone of important standing… Kenshin uses this over-excessively in connection with his Kenjougo (polite) language use

-san = an honorific pronoun suffix addressed to someone whom is older, or is a stranger

Battou-jutsu = (Quick Draw Technique) by whipping the sword out of its sheath, one can increase its speed twice- or three-fold, which can kill with one blow without taking a single blow from one's opponent. This is a real-life kenjutsu technique.

Battousai = Kenshin's name during the Bakumatsu Revolutionary War per his sword-fighting specialty, Battoujutsu… the -sai at the end designates him as a Battoujutsu Master, having perfected every Battou-technique possible

Daijoubu = “It's ok.”, “Are you ok?”, “Everything will be alright.”

De gozaru = an obsolete phrase of extreme politeness added to the end of sentences, roughly translated to “that it is”, a form of “to be”… (I only use one conjugation of de gozaru to keep things simple.)

Gomen = I'm sorry

Hai = Yes

Itai = an exclamation, “ouch!” or “that hurts!”

Jou-chan = Sanosuke's nickname for Kaoru, a shortened form of ojou-chan, or young woman

Kitsune = Fox

Mou = geez

Nani? = What?

Oi = Hey!

Ore = “ I “ (typical brash male pronoun)

Oro = an exclamation, only slightly similar to the English “huh?”

Rurouni = homeless wanderer, vagabond

Sakabatou = Kenshin's reversed-blade sword

Sessha = this humbled one

Tori-atama = Rooster-head

Yukata = a very light kimono worn to bed