Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Never for the Public... ❯ Revealing the Past ( Chapter 4 )

Never for the public…

Chapter 4 - Revealing the Past

Chapter Summary - Kenshin's determination and Kaoru's fears.

 

This story has not been beta'd.

 

Summary: Kaoru's suffered a traumatic experience resulting in anxiety attacks. How does Kenshin plan to cure her? This story is based on the manga and anime up to the end of the Kyoto Arc, and ignores the Jinchuu Arc. However, sometime before this story, Kenshin does confide his past to his friends (same roundtable as in manga, different reasons irrelevant to this story)…

 

Note: The Japanese language is highly flexible and very beautiful. Although I do love mixing Japanese with English to try to keep the story true, I believe there is a limit which can severely decrease a story's enjoyment factor. I decided to ignore Kenshin's changes between his use of “sessha” versus “ore,” although I felt it necessary to keep “de gozaru.” Nevertheless, this story does contain MANY Japanese phrases. I've included a glossary at the end for reference. I apologize to those whom may not enjoy this story due to the intricate language mix.

 

The warning only applies to the first two chapters. Since the rest are “normal” chapters, I'm removing the warning and reducing the rating…

 

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor claim to own, any part of Watsuki Nobuhiro-dono's creations.

Rated: X

 

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Kaoru shyly exited the bathroom in her yukata, blushing entirely from head to toe. Kenshin spared her a quick glance, laying out their food on the small dining table. They ate dinner in silence, each lost in contemplation. After dinner and cleaning, Kenshin went to take his bath, leaving Kaoru to setup their two futons. She added a few pieces of wood to the fire, lay down on her futon, and listened to the soothing sounds of the night. She was almost asleep when Kenshin came out, and checked to make sure all of the doors were locked.

 

Kaoru looked up to see Kenshin blow out the candles except the one in the adjoining dining room. He closed their bedroom door, leaving it slightly ajar for the candlelight. Kenshin looked at her, smiled, and lay down on his futon next to her own, closing his eyes.

 

“Kenshin.”

 

“Hai, Kaoru-dono.” She sighed, hating that damn honorific, yet another sign of the gulf of separation between them.

 

“Good night,” she exhaled, turning away from him on her side. He frowned sensing that he had somehow upset her again. Kenshin looked over to Kaoru's profile in the soft candlelight. Her shoulders were tense as she tried to find a comfortable position. He sat up, studying her a moment, wondering how she would react…

 

“Kaoru-dono?”

 

“Hai, Kenshin,” she snapped irritated.

 

“ … “

 

She turned around curious to see why he'd gone silent, to find him sitting up looking at her.

 

“Kenshin?” she questioned warily.

 

“Your shoulders look sore,” he said hesitantly. Surprise graced her features, then she smiled and sat up as well.

 

“I think it's just from sitting on the train for so long. Daijoubu, I'll be fine in the morning.” They sat looking at each other quietly a moment, then Kenshin stood up and kneeled behind her on her futon. Kaoru gulped anxiously and tried to turn to him, but he put his hands on her shoulders gently keeping her faced-forward.

 

“I don't like seeing you in pain, Kaoru-dono,” he said, slowly rubbing her shoulders. Kaoru was glad for the lack of light as she blushed furiously. She wasn't sure what to think considering they were both in their yukatas, and Kenshin was kneeling behind her on her bed. Then again, it's not like this is first time a man has put their hands all over her… why not Kenshin as well? Kaoru's shoulders tensed when Kenshin placed his hands on them.

 

“Relax, Kaoru-dono,” he leaned forward and whispered in her ear. She tensed further, feeling his muscles against her back through the thin fabric they both wore. Kenshin placed a gentle kiss on her clothed shoulder, startling her.

 

“Shhhhh, relax.” kiss “You're safe.” kiss “No one can hurt you anymore.” kiss “I will protect you.”

 

Kenshin slowly kissed his way from her shoulder up to her ear, crooning softly to her. Kaoru's shallow breathing slowly deepened. He leaned back, careful to keep his arousal far away from her body. Kenshin's strong hands traveled down her back, his thumbs and palms making firm circles into her muscles. Kaoru slowly relaxed into his massage. She hugged her knees, laying her cheek on them. She blushed, heat rushing through her every time his fingers accidentally brushed the sides of her breasts. Kenshin slowly and persistently worked his way through knot after knot of tension. Losing track of time, feeling like she was in heaven, she dozed off peacefully.

 

Kenshin ran his hands up and down her back, satisfied that he had loosened as many knots as possible without taking her yukata off. He stood up on his knees, looking over her shoulder to see she had fallen asleep during the massage. Smiling, Kenshin gently lay her down on the futon, tucking the blanket in around her. Kaoru moaned tiredly and fell further into her blissful slumber. He sighed happily, moving a hair lightly across her forehead. Leaning down, he kissed her on her nose, and got up quietly to go outside. The chill of the deep early-autumn night cut into his skin as he stood on the porch in only his yukata. Shivering against the chill, he focused on watching his warm breath crystallize in the cold air as he waited for his arousal to diminish.

 

“Ne Tomoe, it seems Kaoru likes my massages as much as you did,” he whispered to himself, looking up at the full moon, “I hope you're not upset with me for bringing her here, but I thought you wouldn't mind.”

 

A slightly warm breeze blew across the porch and Kenshin closed his eyes, feeling wrapped in warmth. Opening his eyes, he smiled gratefully.

 

“Arigatou, Tomoe.”

 

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Kaoru awoke to the delicious smells of Kenshin's cooking. She looked to her side to see his futon folded up neatly on top of another futon in a corner of the room. His sakabatou and two bokkens leaned against the wall beside the futons. <<< Kenshin only fights with katanas… he doesn't use shinai or bokkens. Whom is the other bokken for? >>>

 

Kaoru stretched and got up, folding up the futon and placed it on top of Kenshin's. She examined the futon on the bottom of the stack, noticing it's a double-wide futon for two people. <<< Tomoe-san. >>>

 

Refocusing her downward-spiraling thoughts, Kaoru quickly dressed in her pink home-kimono. She exited the bedroom in time to see Kenshin kneel down for breakfast. Kaoru blushed stimulated seeing him dressed in only an almost black, navy-blue kimono with a white cloth belt, intensifying his attractiveness.

 

“Ohayo, de gozaru, Kaoru-dono,” Kenshin smiled at her.

 

She instantly frowned, sighing as she sat down. Kenshin puzzled over her quick change in mood as he'd noticed her openly gawking at him when she came out of the bedroom. His confusion changed to dismay as she didn't return his greeting. Instead, she kneeled down and indifferently began eating, staring into her bowl. He stopped eating and put his bowl down, but received no reaction from Kaoru. She was inwardly focused and eating methodically, not paying attention to anything around her.

 

Kaoru didn't notice Kenshin had moved until his arms came from behind her and took the bowl and chopsticks from her hands, placing them on the table. Her sharp intake of breath echoed in the lone home as Kenshin kneeled with her between his knees. He carefully laced her fingers with his own and wrapped their arms around her, holding her close against his body. Kaoru gasped as he rubbed his cheek against hers, then laid his chin down on her shoulder, nuzzling her neck with his nose.

 

“Kenshin?” she was finally able to speak again. “What are you doing?”

 

“Holding you,” he replied softly.

 

“Why?”

 

“Kaoru-dono, how did I disappoint you this morning, de gozaru?” Kenshin watched as confusion shimmered openly in her too-bright eyes.

 

“Why are you asking?” she whispered. Kenshin nudged a bit more to one side of her so that he could clearly see her face. He affectionately cupped her chin, facing her towards himself.

 

“Because I can't stand to see you in pain, de gozaru,” he whispered back. He stroked his thumb tenderly back and forth on her chin, watching the tears build up in her eyes. Unexpectedly, she tried to bolt from his arms, but he crushed her to him, firmly holding her in place. She started crying, ripping his heart with her pain. Unable to stand it, he tilted her head up and shyly kissed her. She stared stunned at him when he pulled away.

 

“Why? Why are you doing this? Why did you bring me here?” Her tears falling faster on the verge of sobbing, wrought a sorrowful shine in his eyes. “Why won't you just leave me alone, Kenshin?!”

 

“Do you have to ask why, Kaoru?” She gasped, surprise overwhelming her as he completely dropped her honorific.

 

“K-Kenshin?”

 

“Kaoru… do you really have to ask why, after all this time?” he breathed out, tears shimmering on his violet depths. He leaned in and lightly kissed her again. This time, she timidly joined her lips with his. They rubbed foreheads, gazing into each others' eyes. Kenshin took a deep breath.

 

“Aishiteru, Kaoru.” She exhaled, happily laughing. However, her joy seemed to fade as quickly as it appeared. He sighed frustrated, tilting her chin up to him again.

 

“Kaoru, don't hesitate, please be open with me.” She worried her lip with her teeth. He smiled patiently.

 

“Tomoe--“ she began.

 

“--is dead,” he finished, “I do still love her, and she will always have a special place in my heart. No one will ever be able to replace her.” Kaoru downcast her eyes, Kenshin raising her chin up again, chuckling.

 

“You keep making me raise your eyes, my Kaoru. It seems I'll have to open them as well,” he leaned down and kissed her, disquieted by her lack of participation. Kenshin sighed sadly.

 

“Kaoru, Tomoe acted as a “sheath to my madness” as a hitokiri, but you are far different. You are my other half. Tomoe and I were not meant for each other in the first place. Fate bound us unwillingly together on a catastrophic path, but with you, I'm able to choose my path, of my own free will. You have free will as well, Kaoru. You may choose to either walk the path with or without me…” he left the unasked question hanging in the air, nervously waiting for her answer. She studied him carefully, and reached up to stroke his cheek. Kaoru breathed deeply and leaned closer to his warmth, nuzzling her nose into his neck. Kenshin tightened his arms around her, resting his cheek on her forehead.

 

“I need time…”

 

“We have all the time you need,” he answered, leaning down to kiss her again before gently releasing her. He stood up and went back to his seat. They ate the rest of their breakfast in a meditative silence.

 

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Kaoru sat on the porch watching Kenshin tend to the garden. He looked cute in his large straw hat as he dug small holes in the ground for the seeds. Kaoru stood up and slipped her feet into her sandals. She walked over to him to observe how he planted the seeds.

 

“Kenshin, I didn't know you knew how to garden?” Kaoru asked curiously.

 

“This is how I learned about plants and how to cook decent meals. Tomoe taught me how to cook meals that actually tasted good, and we learned from our neighbors how to plant and tend a garden,” Kenshin said smiling up at her while he planted seeds.

 

“Tomoe-san taught you how to cook?” Kenshin looked at her out of the corner of his eyes, noticing how she used an honorific for Tomoe.

 

“Partially… Shishou taught me how to cook so that he didn't have to cook for the both of us.”

 

Kaoru laughed amusedly and Kenshin's smile widened as he continued, “Tomoe taught me how to properly use spices and how to present the food.” Kaoru crouched down leaning her elbows on her knees. She cupped her wrists and rested her chin between her fists.

 

“No wonder your cooking is so delicious,” she smiled happily at him, “Kenshin, how old was Tomoe-san?”

 

“She was three years older than myself.”

 

“Oro?! I had always thought you were both the same age?!” Kenshin sheepishly laughed.

 

“Battousai or not, the other men in my unit would taunt me endlessly about Tomoe being so much older than myself. Especially Iizuka-san…” Kenshin trailed off, his hands stilling their motions. Kaoru frowned, knowing he was lost in painful memories again.

 

“So much older?” Kaoru asked, trying to draw his attention.

 

“Oro?” Kenshin's turned his head to her. Kaoru giggled at his clueless features.

 

“You said she was so much older? So was she eleven years older than you?” she teased, referencing the difference between hers' and Kenshin's ages. Kenshin laughed bemusedly.

 

“Tomoe was eighteen when we married within a month after my fifteenth birthday.”

 

“Only a three-year difference?” Kaoru frowned to herself, lost in thought. He watched her closely as she delved inward again. Kenshin thought about what Tae had once secretly revealed to him… she mentioned Kaoru's fear that Kenshin only thought of her as a child and not as a grown woman. It was obvious to Kenshin that Kaoru believed she was too young for him to even consider her for a wife. He continued to study her silence, knowing the eleven-year gap between them was a sore point. Four more years added to his age, and he could be considered her father. However, observing how she was crouching in her kimono in such an adorable pose… jutted her breasts out and accentuated her firm behind… Kenshin gasped and covertly widened his crouch, trying to draw Kaoru's suddenly focused attention off himself and back to the gardening. He subtlety turned his body away from Kaoru, extremely thankful that he was only wearing his kimono. She turned her eyes back up to Kenshin.

 

“You didn't wait long…” Kaoru smirked teasingly.

 

“Oro?”

 

“Within a month after you became an adult?”

 

“Aaaah, well, there's a good reason for that actually, de gozaru,” Kenshin said sheepishly, “After the Ikedaya incident drove the Ishin Shishi from Kyoto, my new assignment was to keep myself hidden from the Shinsengumi. Katsura-san gave me this house--”

 

“Katsura? As in Katsura Kogoro?!” Kaoru interrupted shocked. Kenshin chuckled.

 

“Katsura-san is the one who hand-picked me to be the Choushuu Ishin-Shishi's shadow assassin. My orders came directly from him,” Kenshin said. He planted a few more seeds down the line as Kaoru took in the new information.

 

“Mou Kenshin, all these famous people you know personally!” she shook her head in amazement. Kenshin rested his arms on his knees and smiled at her.

 

“Did I ever tell you that Takasugi Shinsaku is the one whom discovered me in his Kiheitai army?... or that Yamagata-san's real first name is Kyousuke?... But don't let him know I told you that…” he winked furtively. She laughed delightfully, like a child finding candy.

 

“The too few of us whom survived the Shinsengumi's attack on the Ikedaya had to go into hiding. Katsura-san ordered me to take refuge in this house until we could rebuild our forces and take back Kyoto. He suggested Tomoe and I pretend to be married so that I would raise less suspicion than if I lived here by myself,” Kenshin paused, blushing profusely, ”Tomoe is the one whom suggested our marriage not be just for show.”

 

“Tomoe-san proposed to you!!!” Kaoru asked stunned.

 

“I wouldn't really call it a proposal,” Kenshin's blush increased, “In the short couple of months that we lived together in Kyoto, we'd grown… close… to each other. I'd never felt so close to anyone in my life before Tomoe. With her… I could actually relax. I wasn't as on-edge ready to instantly decapitate someone…” Kenshin startled and looked sharply at Kaoru, scared of her reaction. She was calmly listening to him, seemingly unaffected by his last statement. When he didn't continue, she blinked and tilted her head, waiting for him to go on. Kenshin breathed out a sigh of relief, then turned back to gardening.

 

“Neither of us knew what a marriage entailed anyway… looking back, we lived here more as close friends than as husband and wife.” Kaoru's heart stopped.

 

“You never consummated your marriage, Kenshin?” she asked sadly.

 

“Not until our final night together,” he whispered regretfully, “For the six months or so of our marriage, Tomoe dutifully laid out two futons for us. She would sleep in her futon, but I slept sitting with my sword.”

 

“Kenshin…” Kaoru's heart ached for him. Kenshin heard the tremor in her voice and looked up. He smiled charmingly.

 

“Kaoru, that's just the way my past turned out, de gozaru. I can't change what I have or have not done, but I can control what I will do for the present and the future,” he said, his eyes twinkling. He reached out and gently held one of her hands.

 

“I can promise you that I won't make the same mistake again… during my next marriage,” he smiled suggestively, his thumb making circles on her thumb/index finger junction. Kaoru gasped under his heated gaze and quickly looked down. Kenshin chuckled, squeezed her hand, and resumed gardening. They enjoyed a pleasant silence. Kaoru giggled out of the blue, causing Kenshin to pause in his motions. She kneeled down beside him.

 

“Aaaaah! Kaoru-dono, your kimono!” he exclaimed concerned. She bashed hard him upside the head.

 

“OROOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Kenshin's eyes swirled.

 

“Mou, I swear, Kenshin, I'm going to pummel that damn honorific out of you if it's the last thing I do! Besides, this is just one of my home-kimonos… you'll wash it squeaky-clean for me, right?” She giggled as he blushed beautifully.

 

“Hai, hai,” he chortled amusingly. She reached across him and tucked the soil around the hole he just seeded. She exaggerated patting the top down.

 

“How's that?” she asked smiling.

 

“Ok, I suppose...” he teased back, “…but you don't want to pat it down so snugly otherwise the water will have trouble soaking through the soil to the seeds…”

 

He took her hands in his and taught her how to properly plant the seeds. Giddily giggling, she bumped her shoulder into his, and he bumped back into her. They continued gardening and happily teasing each other for the rest of the day…

 

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“Kenshin, this is delicious, better than anything you've ever cooked in Tokyo!” Kaoru exclaimed joyously as she greedily stuffed her face. Kenshin laughed.

 

“Vegetables and fruit taste a lot better when they're freshly farmed from the ground.”

 

“I never knew that? Hmmm, maybe when we get back to the dojo, we should plant a garden!” Kenshin quirked an eyebrow.

 

“We? Who's going to be responsible that garden?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

 

“Uuuuuh… oh. Ummm, hehe,” she giggled abashed.

 

“Laundry, cooking, and cleaning takes up my day… It would be near impossible to get Yahiko to fit gardening in with his work schedule at the Akabeko, much less convincing him to actually do it, and I'd have to threaten death to Sano to get him within twenty feet of the garden,” Kenshin winked at Kaoru. She laughed and helped Kenshin clean up their dinner. They went outside and sat on the porch against the house's wall and each other, legs outstretched. Kaoru started to divide her hair to braid it, but Kenshin stopped her, and braided it for her. She giggled, then leaned on his chest as he put an arm around her shoulders.

 

“Kenshin, you're amazing, you know that? You clean, cook, do laundry, garden, make medicine, know first aid, know more famous people than I can count… well, you're one of those famous people yourself… no one in history can beat you with a sword…” Kenshin laughed rambunctiously at that.

 

“Oh no, there is one man whom takes absurd pleasure in beating me with a sword,” he smiled.

 

“Mou Kenshin, no one has ever beaten you!” she countered smiling, “wait, you don't mean that yarou Saito Hajime, do you?” Kaoru grimaced; Kenshin laughed.

 

“You're not including the one whom taught me the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu in the first place,” Kenshin chuckled.

 

“Oro, Hiko-shou?” Kaoru questioned.

 

“Hai, my twisted shishou,” Kenshin smiled.

 

“Twisted?” Kaoru asked grinning. Kenshin smiled wider.

 

“Shishou has always loved tormenting me. I've often commented it's a wonder I lived through his torture-training.” Kaoru laughed tickled.

 

“He loves you like a son, but he's too macho to admit it. It's obvious to anyone who watches how you two constantly bicker with each other.” Kenshin chuckled and kissed Kaoru's cheek, holding her closer.

 

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Sitting inside a lone potter's house, Hiko Seijuro sneezed twice unexpectedly, blinking in confusion. He chuckled and drank more sake.

 

“My baka deshi and his tanuki woman,” he murmured, smiling,

 

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Special Thanks: To jenniebennie. Domo arigatou gozaimasu.

 

Glossary:

 

-dono = an honorific pronoun suffix addressed to someone of important standing… Kenshin uses this over-excessively in connection with his Kenjougo (polite) language use

-san = an honorific pronoun suffix addressed to someone whom is older, or is a stranger

Aishiteru = I love you

Arigatou = Thank you

Baka = idiot

Battou-jutsu = (Quick Draw Technique) by whipping the sword out of its sheath, one can increase its speed twice- or three-fold, which can kill with one blow without taking a single blow from one's opponent. This is a real-life kenjutsu technique.

Battousai = Kenshin's name during the Bakumatsu Revolutionary War per his sword-fighting specialty, Battoujutsu… the -sai at the end designates him as a Battoujutsu Master, having perfected every Battou-technique possible

Bokken = Wooden sword

Daijoubu = “It's ok.”, “Are you ok?”, “Everything will be alright.”

De gozaru = an obsolete phrase of extreme politeness added to the end of sentences, roughly translated to “that it is”, a form of “to be”… (I only use one conjugation of de gozaru to keep things simple.)

Deshi = apprentice

Hai = Yes

Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu = the killing style of swordsmanship that Kenshin fights with, allowing him to swiftly slaughter a multitude of opponents at one time

Hitokiri = Assassin

Ishin Shishi = the war faction Kenshin was a shadow-assassin for during the Bakumatsu Revolutionary War

Katana = Japanese sword

Kimono = traditional full-length garment of Japan

Mou = geez

Ne = equivalent to a softly spoken English “hey” or “is that right?”

Ohayo = Good Morning

Ore = “ I “ (typical brash male pronoun)

Oro = an exclamation, only slightly similar to the English “huh?”

Rurouni = homeless wanderer, vagabond

Sakabatou = Kenshin's reversed-blade sword

Sake = Japanese wine

Sessha = this humbled one

Shinai = (bamboo) fencing stick

Shishou = Master (usually of any sort of martial arts training)

Tanuki = Raccoon

Yarou = a “catch-all” curse with many uses such as asshole, bastard, jerk, son-of-a-bitch, etc.

Yukata = a very light kimono worn to bed