Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ One Man ❯ Changed ( Chapter 1 )

Thanks to Vegeta26 for catching my mistake. Grrr, typos, the bane of my existence!

Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin or any of its characters.

They look at me as though I am different, but I honestly do not feel so different from this time yesterday. But Yahiko will not look me in the eye, and Miss Kaoru keeps glancing at the sword at my side when we speak.

Yes, I killed; I took a life that I had no right to take. Maybe I am the Battousai again, but I don't feel so different.

"Kenshin?" Miss Kaoru's voice sounded hesitant. I looked up from the soapy laundry basin. She was standing behind me with a small, hopeful looking smile on her face. "Dinner is ready," she said.

I gave her a smile and told her I would be right there. She left as I began to clean up the basin and set out the rest of the laundry. I had expected fear in their eyes when they found out what I had done. I had been afraid. I do not like feeling fear, that I do not. So why had they accepted it and me with such calm? They seemed cautious, but not of me. For me.

I started toward the dojo as the evening breeze rustled through my long hair. I approached the sliding doors when I couldn't help but over hear my friends' conversation.

"…did he seem?" This was Sano's voice. My hand froze just as it touched the door.

"Quiet," Kaoru said. "But then he's always quiet."

"He'll be fine," Yahiko said defensively. "This is Kenshin we're talking about."

"Is it?" Sano said quietly.

"Of course," Yahiko practically yelled. "What kind of stupid comment is that?"

"He's done something unforgivable. He is worried about becoming the Manslayer again."

"But we have forgiven him," Kaoru said. "There wasn't really anything to forgive."

"Yeah," Sano said. "But can he forgive himself?"

There was silence. I slid the door open. The three of them lifted their heads to look at me with slightly startled expressions. Sano was grimacing as he chewed through some of Miss Kaoru's cooking. Yahiko immediately looked down again at his meal.

I knelt at my seat by the table and tried to give Miss Kaoru a comforting smile. She returned it with a worried look before turning away from me. They stared at the table awkwardly and I felt awful for having caused this uncomfortable silence.

I sighed. I wanted to tell them not to worry for me but I could not. I wished someone would say something, anything. We ate silently. When the meal was finished I stood and began to clear the table. Sano disappeared and Yahiko went to finish some chores before going to bed. Miss Kaoru helped me carry the dirty dishes into the kitchen and I began cleaning up.

"Kenshin?" she said with the same hesitancy as before. I looked up from my work. "If you want to talk…about anything, you can trust me."

"Miss Kaoru, it is very sweet of you to care for this unworthy one, but I am fine."

Suddenly I found myself ducking the flying cookware that flew past my head. "Kenshin, you big jerk!" Miss Kaoru said angrily. "You are not as `fine' as you always let on! If you just talk to one of us then we'd know what was going on in that stupid head of yours!"

I stared at her in stunned silence, unsure what type of response the outburst merited. She looked at me for second then stomped out of the room with a frustrated, "URG!" leaving me to finish the dishes alone.

Sitting down on the steps outside, I leaned back on my palms and gazed at the stars. The image of that man sliding off the edge of my sword flashed in front of my eyes. I flinched at the image and squeezed my eyes shut. I rocked forward resting my head between my knees. The image was gone as quickly as it had come.

Then I heard the sickening sound of his body hitting the floor. The sweet smell of fresh blood assaulted my nostrils. "No," I whispered. Suddenly there was a light touch on my shoulder.

Kaoru's POV

I found Kenshin sitting on the steps outside the kitchen. His head was between his knees, both hands clamped over his ears. I watched him from the doorway for a moment. Before I thought about what I was doing, my hand was on his shoulder. I felt the need to comfort this man who had saved my life and so many others many times.

He must have been quite upset because when I touched him, he actually flinched, making me wonder if he had known I was there at all. He had always been so strong for me and now it was my turn to repay the favor.

His lilac eyes were obscured for a moment beneath his thick red bangs. I sat down beside him. If he did not want to talk, fine. My anger was gone. All I could do was stay beside him and help however he let me.

We sat like that for a while, neither speaking nor even looking at each other. Our necks were craned to watch the heavens above us.

"You aren't the manslayer," I said quietly. He looked at me with surprise.

"How do you know?" Kenshin's quiet voice asked in all seriousness.

"You killed one man that deserved to die. That can't mean that you've lost who you've become."

He sighed. "I used to think I could tell who deserved death." He avoided my eyes. "You know I fear becoming the manslayer again, but I do not think you understand what I was."

"I don't care who you were, Kenshin," I said. "I've said before, I care about you, the rurouni."

He smiled at me, but his eyes were sad. "I'm not two men. Just because I have changed does not mean that I have fully become another man." He paused. "When I speak of the manslayer, he is not some other personality separate from the rurouni. What I fear is the lack of control I had when I was young. I did not just kill people because it suited me. I killed because I felt it was a necessary thing. I was too stupid, too undisciplined to see my mistake."

I watched him intently, wondering what made him speak so much all of a sudden. Understanding Kenshin's past had always been difficult task. Anytime one question was answered, more seemed to exist. And he never helped me understand.

"I found much later, that I was wrong," he continued. "I understand now that death solves nothing. I have no right or reason to take others' lives." He paused looking at the ground. "I can never become the man I was during the revolution, that I can't. But I fear losing that understanding more than anything in the world."

A/N: Well there you have it. It just annoyed me that so many people talked about Kenshin reverting back into the manslayer like someone going back in time. Please let me know what you think. Grammar and spelling errors drive me batty so if you spot one let me know.