Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Paint me the horizon ❯ When waiting should end ( Chapter 4 )

Paint me the horizon

by sessha himura

Disclaimer: I do not own Kenshin or Kaoru or any character from Rurouni Kenshin. But I do wish I own them. But well, life can be that cruel. I'm just using them for the purpose of the story. I'm just satisfying the needs of my thinking mind and my writing hands.

Notes: Chapter three had been dead boring. But I do hope all of you liked it. I introduced a new character there and his, yeah the character is a he, profile will evolve in this chapter. He had been fairly introduced in the previous chapter.

Something wrong is already happening. I'm already thinking of the middle and ending chapters and it makes me forget about these chapters. I'm quite in a state of forgetfulness. But anyway do read this fic, I gathered all my writing skills, as if there are, and tried with all my might just to write this. This chapter would be extra long.

Do read all my other fics too.

Read and Review!

Thanks!

Chapter four: numbing end

I seek for shelter

I seek for cure

From this cold pain

I don't want to fall.

She had anticipated this, waited for this.

She had been in the coffee shop for almost forty minutes now and she never felt bored. Her thoughts were full of him and their soon to be meeting. The thought of him not going to meet her didn't enter her mind for she was fairly sure that he would keep his promise this time.

She took a sip from the iced tea she ordered several minutes back and bit her lip when she noticed someone walking towards her. She blinked her eyes many times as she tried to see who it was and was dismayed when she learned that it was someone else. Not him.

She leaned on the glass table and lazily stirred her drink. She waited for ten more minutes until the minutes completed an hour.

She stared at her empty glass and decided not to order more for her stomach was getting a little acidic from having drunk three tall glasses of iced tea. She shifted from one position to another as she watched people busily crossing the streets. He could be one of them, she thought. She felt something heavy in her chest and another surge of cough came besieging her.

She coughed, harder this time until she felt blood rising in her throat. She doesn't want the taste of it. It was nauseating. She continued coughing until little pulp beads of sweat came decorating her neck and forehead.

She coughed and coughed and she tried hard to stop herself from doing so. She swallowed the blood back and endured the vomiting taste.

She breathed hard, how long do I have to be like this? She breathed again, deeper until she felt her senses coming back. She had never coughed this hard before. Am I getting worse? I have to do everything quickly. She glanced at the big clock near the traffic light, overlooking the glass window. She rummaged through her bag to find her cellphone and when she found it she quickly dialed his number.

No one answered. She ringed it several times and still no one answered. She left so many voice messages and she was silently hoping that he would hear one. She held the phone with both hands and squeezed it tightly, biting her lips and squeezing her eyes, at the verge of crying.

It was almost four when she decided to get up, wait no more in the coffee shop and walked out towards his pad.

"We're here," Tomoe whispered in his ear as she opened the door towards her apartment. She gingerly ran her fingers along his lips and halted to smile at him slyly.

"Tomoe, you think of everything," he murmured, reaching out to pull her to him.

She wrapped her sinewy arms around his neck and began to plant moist kisses along the edge of his chin. "I missed you," she muttered under her breath.

"I missed you more," he laughed, tilting her chin and easing her gently towards the wall. He began probing the insides of her mouth with his tongue while he placed his palms on her hips. He deepened the kiss and their heads moved back and forth in an unusual rhythm.

"Ken-"

He pulled back, breathless. He smiled thoughtfully and began to trail feathery kisses along her throat. He heard her moan and that encouraged him to do more. He feverishly caressed her collarbone with his mouth. And she pulled him closer. Unable to resist, he let his hands probe to the sides of her dress and started undoing the zipper. When he found an open flap he gingerly trailed his fingers along the creamy underside of her thigh and hooked it up.

"Kenshin, don't go."

"I won't," he murmured, letting his body thrum with desire.

She reached his unit several minutes later and she found out that he was not home.

Kaoru stared hard at the door and felt something painful in her heart. She let her body fall on the bench near the doorstep and expressionlessly continued staring at the door. Her hands began to shake and her vision started to blur as she became aware of the tears that started to engulf her eyes. She bit her lips and felt that the tears forming at the corners of her eyes were slowly pouring out. She didn't fight the urge to cry. She had been tired of hiding her emotions.

A lone tear crept towards her right cheek and was soon followed by another, and then another until all she did was cry. She sobbed silently, hoping no one would come across her and see what was happening to her. She bit her flushed lower lip and hiccupped and sobbed at the same time. Her heart felt heavy. So heavy that she thought she wouldn't be able to endure having it in her chest anymore. Why is everything like this? Have I really gone this far? She dried her eyes with the hem of her sleeves and gasped for breath.

Try as hard as she might, her tears kept coming back. When will he keep his promise? She sobbed at the instant answer. Never. She leaned her elbows on the arm of the bench and covered her mouth with one hand as she felt a hysterical gasp coming from it. Her mouth was slowly shaking, and she tried hard not to make a sound. "Kenshin," she whispered in thin air, wiping her tears carelessly. Her eyes were already red and she tasted the saltiness of her tears.

Why do I have to suffer this much?

I don't want this kind of feeling.

She braced herself tightly. The hallway was cold, extremely cold and she wrapped herself with her arms. She was still hiccupping and sobbing when she felt sleep slowly overcoming her. She leaned deeper on the bench, resting her head at one side and closing her swollen eyes, biting her fingernails. She hugged herself and felt the need for a blanket, felt the need for him.

She felt so tired. So tired that she can't go on anymore. I'm tired of everything.

He was lying on the bed motionlessly, hugging Tomoe who is peacefully sleeping beside him. He stared hard at the ceiling, feeling something really vague inside him. He was already sleepy yet there's something bothering him that obliges him to open his eyes.

He quickly got up, watched the rhythmical rising and falling of Tomoe's breathing. How beautiful, he said to himself. He continued watching her face and blinked his eyes at the sight of something registering in his mind.

He blinked again, but the image became more vivid.

Kaoru.

He saw Kaoru lying beside him, her face trailed with lines of dried tears and her eyes swollen from crying. He felt something grave within him that he shut his eyes to erase the image.

He forcefully opened them and when he did so, he found Tomoe lying on the bed, still sleeping peacefully. He reached for his cellphone and was quite stunned when he saw several missed calls and six voice messages.

All from Kaoru.

He listened to the voice message and felt a painfully warm air from the tone of her voice:

"Kenshin, I…I am already…I am already here. Where are…Kenshin where are you?"

He paused after the first voice message and was struck by the fact that he didn't, again, keep his promise of meeting with her at the coffee shop. Her voice was mellow, somber and almost like crying.

He listened to the next one:

"Kenshin, did something happen to you? I…I, uhmm, I am worried. I don't know if…" her voice faltered.

"Kenshin it's me Kaoru, why…won't…why won't you come? Kenshin, I'm worried."

He listened to the other voice messages and felt compelled by it. He soon found himself dressed. He leaned towards Tomoe, "I just have to do something," he kissed her on the forehead and went away after writing a note addressed to her.

He was back by nine in the evening and he had the feeling that someone was still waiting for him at his pad.

And he felt right. He quickened his pace at the sight of someone huddled on the bench beside his doorstep. He almost ran for the sight alarmed him.

Kaoru.

He saw Kaoru huddled, her head tilted to one side that he was able to see her serene yet bothered face. Her eyes were swollen, possibly from crying, and her lips and cheeks were flushed, and lines of dried tears filled her face.

He knelt before her and ran his fingers on her cheeks. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

She slowly opened her eyes, blinking them so as to adjust her sight from the blinding light of the hallway. Purple orbs greeted her, and she tried to make out an image of someone she knew painfully well from the pair of purple eyes.

"I had an important engagement, I didn't have the time to cancel the meeting," he murmured, still kneeling before her and reaching for her hands.

She rubbed her eyes involuntarily and after some thought realized that it was Kenshin who was kneeling in front of her. She made an instant reply though her mind tells her not to, "It's, uhmm, It's okay."

His eyes widened at her answer for he was expecting to receive a slap or a curse from her. "Was it really okay?"

She nodded.

"Come inside, I…I still have a lot to tell you," her bizarre reply quite disengaged him from his senses that he found it really hard to tell her what he really resolved to do. Her face was enough pleading. Her eyes say more. How could he break her heart now? How could he break the heart of someone whose only fault was to wait for him to fulfill an empty promise?

He led her by the hand inside his pad. He turned on the lights and beckoned her to sit down. He noticed her hiding her eyes, for he thought that she was hiding them from him. She doesn't want me to know that she had been crying. He licked his lips and began to speak when he felt the air getting humid and the mood getting a little heavy.

"Kenshin, did you," she bowed her head, avoiding his expectant stares, "Did you receive my voice messages?"

He nodded but after realizing that she was not looking at him said, "I have."

"I'm sorry about them…I was just…I was just worried. I thought that," she faltered, then exhaled in deeply and continued, "I thought that something terrible had already happened to you."

"It's…It's okay," he smiled, and laughed quietly, trying to cheer her up.

"Uh, why did you ask me…to-why did you ask me to-come to the coffee shop?" she tilted her head slowly and cautiously and tried to meet his eyes in a peculiar manner.

He sat facing her, "About that, yes. Uh, It's just that…I found you really…" his voice left him. There was no way he can continue this conversation. For one, he doesn't know how to start.

She didn't speak. There was nothing she could say.

"About what happened days ago, sorry. I…I know-well I'm really sorry-I know I really had been rude," he suddenly said, taking her silence as a signal that means she was all ready to hear from him.

She smiled, and then nodded, "I understand…it had been really rude of me too, that…that I started acting familiarly…uh, towards you. I really am very…sorry," her voice was quite shaky, untamed and deep.

"To tell you honestly," he bit his lip then thought for a while, trying to be careful with every word that he drops, "Okay, to tell you honestly I already remembered you. Well not everything for the time being but I have remembered some things about you."

She tilted her head again, a glow filling her face. Her eyes were still red and swollen but her cheeks were flushed with relief.

"But, I want you to understand, I want you to understand that I still can't," he searched his mind for the right word, "I still can't keep the promise I made eight years ago."

"It's okay, I…I can…I can wait for some more," she eagerly said.

"It's not like that. I have," he felt really nervous talking to her this way. He doesn't want to hurt her again, "I have broken two promises already. I didn't meet you after eight years; I didn't go to the coffee shop. And I'm going to break another one."

She stared expectantly at him, her expression bewildered.

"I can't keep the promise of marrying you."

"I understand."

"You do?" he murmured, baffled by the instant change in her expression, she had started smiling whereas she should be dismayed by now, "You do?"

She nodded, "We still are both striving right now, and…and I know it is hard to-to maintain a relationship…yes, it's hard to maintain a relationship during college, and…and I can wait for two years more…or until after we-we are both ready to get married."

"That's not what I meant."

Her mouth gaped, "Uh…what?"

"Kaoru, I can't marry you because I don't want to."

She laughed nervously, "You're just…joking aren't you. That's a good one."

"It's not a joke. Kaoru, I really am very sorry but…you see…I really don't intend to keep that dumb childhood promise. Kaoru there's more to the world. You have to…you have to forget about me. Forget about that stupid promise."

"It's," her voice and her hands were shaking wildly and salty tears started to form beneath her eyelids, "It's not a stupid promise."

"Kaoru, please," sensing the change in her expression, "I don't want to hurt you anymore, so please forget about that stupid-okay it's not stupid if you say so-promise. There's no use in keeping on believing and holding on to it for dear life Kaoru wake up."

"But I love you," tears fell from her eyes like rain, and trying to control her emotions, hiccupped at the hurt she was feeling right now.

"I'm sorry I don't," he murmured, taking her hands and squeezing them lightly, "I really am very sorry."

She shook her head, convulsions coming towards her. "I love you, what do you want…what do you…oh Kenshin, what do you want me to do?"

"Nothing, you don't have to do anything," he pitied the poor girl.

"But Kenshin…listen…" her convulsions had gone to her head and she wiped her cheeks with her palms, placing one finger on her lips, "Listen…listen please…let's just try…I'll do everything…please."

"Kaoru it's not like that-"

"I…I love you…I'll do everything, just…just tell me."

"Sorry."

She sobbed, her cries echoing in that four-cornered room.

"You have to go home, it's getting late."

She shook her head; tears streaming down her face.

"You have to," he almost carried her to the door.

"I don't want to," she cried, clutching tightly to his sleeves. "I don't want to."

"You have to," he opened the door for her and murmured, "I'm sorry."

The door closed in front of her face and she felt another set of convulsions waving their way towards her. "Kenshin," she knocked on the door, almost pounding on it, "Kenshin, please."

Her cries were never heard, nor were they felt.

The hurt still lingers and she felt cold and the night made her feel colder.

The sky was of a deep shade, stars didn't make their way towards the zenith tonight and she felt so dark, yet she feels safe in the darkness of the night for it was only there she could freely pour out all her emotions.

She was sitting on the front porch, not minding to open the lights and getting inside. She feels that the walls will just bind her and she doesn't want that.

She was still crying, though not that hysterical as minutes ago. She was more composed and her tears were a little less violent than before. She hadn't been a crybaby. Yes she cries, especially when her dear father died. It was only then that she cried hard. But now, her sufferings are more different, they were of a more intolerable breed.

She sat in a tuck position, cradling herself while she tried to sooth her tired soul.

"Need a handkerchief?"

She stilled, she hadn't heard that voice before. She lowly tilted her head and searched the face of the man talking to her. The light of the moon silhouetted the image of the young man and she felt petrified at the sudden familiarity.

"Oba-san was right, you really are beautiful," the young man sat beside her, rested his arms on his knees and stared into the open sky, "Tokyo is wonderful."

"Pardon-"

"Oh yes, I'm sorry. I forgot to introduce myself," he extended a hand towards her, "Soujiro…Seta, Soujiro. I'm oba-san's nephew."

She hesitated for a while, rubbing her swollen eyes and wiping her tears.

"I'm really sorry, I should have not acted so familiarly," he offered the handkerchief again and smiled at her.

She stared dumbfounded at him and for a while sat like that, studying every feature. But after sensing his clean intentions murmured in a voice as thin as air, "Kaoru Kamiya."

"I know."

She stared at the handkerchief he was offering. "Where is oba-san?" she said quite tilting her face to look at him. She noticed that he was still smiling.

"In Kyoto. She is right, you really are beautiful. But I think you'll be more beautiful if you'll stop crying," he smiled back.

She stilled. Then looked up at the sky and whispered, "You think so?"

He nodded.

"I don't think I am beautiful," her voice was deep, cold and petrifying.

"But you are."

She smiled bitterly, "If I am then why…" her voice left her. Tears slowly came besieging her again. And memories from rejection came confronting her.

"Yes there are really nights when the stars won't be seen, but the sky is still beautiful right, even without their brightness. So don't feel bad about yourself," he murmured comfortingly. He felt really different with her. In barely five minutes he have known her, and he felt he have met her before, got acquainted with her for a lifetime.

She stared back at him, "If what you say is true…then why…then why…" her words were drowned in sobs.

He handed the handkerchief again and involuntarily he tilted her face and dried her eyes, "May we be friends?"

She bit her lip and for a while thought.

"I want to be your friend."

She nodded then breaking into another set of sobs leaned onto his shoulder and cried.

"Stop crying, it will ruin your beautiful face," he smiled then slowly ran his fingers through her hair.

She wondered at the sudden closeness she developed with the stranger. What she knows about him was so little to supply her safety. But she didn't mind it, she felt comfortably soothed crying on his shoulder.

"Don't cry."

"I'll try not to…anymore."

End of Chapter four.

Notes: So what do you think? This had been extra long, I tried to pour out more emotions on this chapter but I think I failed. But anyways, do try to review it and I will gratefully accept any comment, may it be nice or not. If you have any question I will willingly answer it.

Don't forget to read my other fics too:

Thanks!

Read and Review!