Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Shards of Me ❯ Alcohol Dreams ( Chapter 12 )

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki. The main plotline of this story is completely fictional. Situations should in no way be considered truthful or based on real events. Political opinions expressed in the story are mine. If you do not agree with said opinions, do not flame me for them. Do not stoop so low as to berate me for what I hold to be truthful. Some smaller side stories may be based on factual events. I will alert you if they are.

 

Warnings:

 

Shards of Me

 

Chapter VII: Alcohol Dreams

 

A cold draft pervaded the apartment, easily dropping the room temperature to sixty degrees. He had not yet bothered to fix it. Cracks danced across one of the walls, result of some long-forgotten scuffle by some long-forgotten tenant. That had also remained untouched. Sometimes he imagined the cracks grew longer with each passing day, matching the slow shattering of his sanity or his heart…or perhaps both. He could not bring himself to look so far inward anymore.

 

The wind was howling outside, a reminder that nature gave no reprieves, even on Christmas Eve. The blizzard had lessened its intensity with nightfall, but the wind remained strong and merciless, skittering in as an unwelcome guest and leaving just as quickly as a fickle mistress.

 

Slowly, he dropped his eyes to the glass of whiskey in his hand, swirling the liquid in hypnotic patterns. Normally, Kenshin made it a policy not to drink, but today seemed a special occasion. Alone on Christmas Eve, only dark, fragmented thoughts for company.

 

He found himself chasing memories. His first assassination, his last, the day he'd met her, the day they'd parted, the night he lost his virginity, the night he learned not all women were as pure as her, and the night he'd left her yet again. He lingered on that memory longest. How he'd simply walked out of the apartment without even a backward glance. He felt like he'd buried her alive and spit on her grave. The sleepless night that followed as he holed out in Aoshi's house had been both stunningly numb and perhaps the longest night of his life. Misao would not even look him in the face.

 

In the two and a half months that had followed, Kenshin had exchanged few words with his friends and the words that had hovered between them had been cold and cordial, hardly the conversation of people who'd been friends for years. He'd seen her only once and that had been from a distance.

 

He paused on that memory and lingered over the taste of it in his mind, bitter and hot. Aoshi had invited him for the rare cup of coffee and he'd accepted if only to escape the sound of his own thoughts. He could still remember the words clear as day.

 

“We're all meeting at the club tonight. Kaoru's going to be there.” The words `without you' hung unspoken and mocking in the air. “Sano said you should come if you think you can manage one night of not making an ass of yourself.”

 

“I'll think about it,” Kenshin had murmured. Part of him strongly protested the idea of going to the club. True he was still the same age as many of his friends, but he felt ten years older. Yet…just this once…maybe some things he'd left unsaid could be spoken…at least given a sense of closure.

 

He'd stupidly wandered into the club that night hoping for God only knows what…or perhaps just hoping. Those hopes were quickly crushed though when he caught sight of her, comfortably settled in the arm of another man with a slight smile on her face. He'd felt his heart begin to race, and rage heated his bloodstream at the sight of her with another. “It's for the best, it's for the best,” he told himself over and over through clenched teeth. Just then her eyes had caught him, widening in slight surprise. The smile trickled away from her lips. He saw her mouth his name and could almost imagine her voice sliding across his ears, both poisonous and soothing at the same time. He'd frozen as still as marble for only a moment before whispering “I'm sorry” and dashing back out the door as quickly as he'd come.

 

He'd not seen any of his friends since that night. None of them had bothered to call. He only emerged from his frigid two-room apartment for necessities—work and food. He'd found a job with a charity company that built houses for needy families. The pay was crap and many of the other workers were men who could not find better work, but at least he felt a sense of accomplishment when he finished one of his painfully long shifts.

 

Golden eyes slid to golden streetlight, his only source of illumination. His gaze slid out of focus, making the light into a blurry puffball. Kenshin's life was lacking in purpose and he welcomed the feeling of apathy with open arms. Eyes wandered back to the whiskey and he downed it in one shot, relishing the acidic burn of the alcohol snaking down his throat. His hand went for the Jack Daniel's bottle again and he might have continued drinking himself into oblivion for the night if a knock hadn't sounded at his door.

 

Kenshin's gaze shot to the door, sharp and dangerous. The neighborhood he'd chosen for his exile was not exactly the nicest part of town and he was not particularly trusting of any of his neighbors. Slowly, he stood and set the glass on his low, cheap coffee table. He'd not yet had enough alcohol to make him tipsy, but he could feel the loose ease of his joints and the even weaker grip of his control on his mind. He looked through the peephole in the door and waited for his eyes to adjust to the flickering florescent light of the hallway. When he saw who stood on the other side of the door, he half-wished he would have started drinking earlier, if only so he could be out cold now.

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

Kaoru huddled further into herself as she glanced around the dirty hallway. Aoshi had said Kenshin was living in a rougher part of town, but she hadn't been able to put the image she had of him in such a place. Kenshin was religiously immaculate if nothing else, and she could not see him choosing to stay in such a filthy place.

 

It seemed she waited an eternity until she heard the locks turning on the other side of the door. “Come in,” she heard his voice say flatly, even though she could barely make him out in the darkness of his apartment. As the door closed behind her, the lights were flipped on and she blinked first at the surprise to her eyes and next at the blankness of his apartment. Cracked white walls glared at her over drab second-hand furniture. She could see only the bare necessities littered across the apartment and little else.

 

“Why are you here?”

 

She turned and bit her lip to keep from letting out any kind of gasp. Kenshin was rough-shaven and his hair was even more unruly than usual. The cold burn of amber pinned her in place.

 

“I…I…” she stumbled trying to regain composure, “I wanted to wish you Merry Christmas.”

 

His eyebrow kicked up as she dug in her pocket and produced a small, gift-wrapped box, which she held out to him with a slightly shaking hand. Slowly he took the gift from her, trying to bite down on his loosened impulses. “It's not much, but…” she trailed off and awkward silence devoured the room.

 

“Please, sit down,” he motioned to the couch while turning to pretend to busy himself in his meager kitchen area. “Can I get you something to drink?”

 

“Umm…no. I'm fine.”

 

She shifted to his couch, eyeing the bottle of Jack Daniel's as she went. She had rarely seen Kenshin drink, even before he'd left for overseas three years earlier, and she vaguely remembered him saying he didn't drink at all any more when he returned.

 

“I'm afraid I don't have much to offer at the moment,” he murmured as he set down a plate of store-bought cookies before sitting next to her on the opposite side of the couch.

 

They both waited in their separate bubbles of silence for a few moments before simultaneously trying to ease the tension. “So how have you…” “Are you doing…” Each ended at almost the same moment and an uneasy chuckled wended its way between them. “You first,” Kaoru murmured as the laughter died.

 

“Oh…I've been alright. I'm working a construction job for Home and Habitat Incorporated. It's a charity organization. Not much else. You?”

 

“I've…you know I've just been…”

 

She broke off as her mind screamed at her. Just say it, damn it! Stop being such a coward!

 

“I…miss you.”

 

Kenshin froze for a moment before glancing sideways. Her face was turned away from his and he could only see one moon-glow crescent of her cheek. “I…I've…I miss you, too,” he murmured after a moment.

 

“Why haven't you called or visited?”

 

“I…thought it was for the best.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Why would you want to be around me anymore? I'm not the person you remember.”

 

“I'm not the person you remember, either,” she shot back, a touch of bitterness in her voice. “It doesn't mean I've stopped caring for you.”

 

Kenshin did not reply and Kaoru felt claustrophobia set in. The room was too small and the air was so crushingly cold. She couldn't breathe. Leave. Leave now.

 

“I…uh…I've got to go. I just wanted to stop by. Sano…Sano's having a get together at his place tomorrow for Christmas. He said he'd be happy if you would come.” She stood and rushed towards the door without looking at him. As she cracked the door open to leave she glanced back to where he still sat hunched on the couch. “I'd…I'd be happy if you came, too.”

 

Kenshin looked up only after she closed the door behind her. Slowly he rose and relocked everything before flipping the light back off. Her gift sat accusingly on the table and he picked it up, carefully pulling the paper away. Nestled inside was a small glass figure of a Chinese dragon. Carefully he held the red and gold body to the light and watched as blood-red streaks of refraction settled on the walls. The dragon was placed on the table with utmost care. If he remembered correctly, it had been her father's.

 

Jack Daniel's was lifted and poured. It did not burn as it flowed down his throat this time. He was too numb to feel the pain.

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

Kenshin moved through the next week of the holidays as a phantom. He felt insubstantial, as though a strong enough gust of wind would simply blow him away. He did not go to the Christmas party. He did leave a single lotus on Kaoru's apartment doorstep. She hadn't called, and he hadn't bothered.

 

On New Year's Eve he half expected her to show up. He made an effort to make himself presentable and stowed the whiskey until 10:30. If she hadn't shown up by then he might indulge himself. If she did show up…he supposed he'd burn that bridge when he crossed it. The clock struck nine and he'd almost decided she wasn't coming when a knock sounded on his door. He frowned. That knock was not Kaoru's knock. It was too strong, too demanding. He rose slowly and only realized five seconds too late that his hand had reached for a blade that no longer rested at his side. He sighed with annoyance as he lowered his hand. He was really starting to hate surprise visitors.

 

He had just reached the peephole when whoever waited on the other side knocked again, more imperiously this time. Kenshin frowned and glanced out the door before groaning. “Not tonight,” he begged quietly. “Not tonight.”

 

“Kenshin Himura! I know you're in there and if you don't open the door this minute I will happily break it down.”

 

Kenshin began undoing the locks cursing his tormentor on the other side the entire time as he moved. Finally, unfortunately, the final lock slid out and he was forced to open the door.

 

“`Bout time, baka-deshi.”

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

Hiko swept in the room with no invitation and Kenshin glared at his back as he relocked the doors. The massive white trench coat that Hiko had owned since before Kenshin even knew him was tossed over one worn and tattered armchair. The massive man settled his weight on the couch and Kenshin winced visibly as he waited for the cheap furniture to crack. Hiko was not rotund. The opposite in fact. A lifetime of bodybuilding and kendo had hardened his six foot two inch frame into something so imposing and powerfully built that he might be mistaken for one of those steroid-induced professional wrestlers.

 

“Shishou,” Kenshin groaned slightly, “what are you doing here?”

 

“What? I can't visit my favorite idiot?”

 

“If I recall correctly me, you told me three years ago and I quote `I never want to see your idiot face again. If you come within even fifty feet of me I will castrate you and give your balls to Kaoru in apology.'”

 

“I was angry. You know you shouldn't take me seriously when I'm angry.”

 

Kenshin raised an eyebrow and retreated to the cupboard. Whiskey was most definitely called for in this particularly painful situation.

 

“Besides, I'm willing to forgo my threats if you will agree to do something for me.”

 

Kenshin poured out two glasses of whiskey without question and brought them to the table, along with his half-empty bottle. Hiko swept up one glass and downed half of its contents in one shot.

 

“Shishou, you taught me better than to agree to a deal without first hearing the conditions.”

 

“Given the alternative, I tend to think you'd take my offer no matter what it was.”

 

Kenshin shook his head and sighed. How was it that in three years he'd turned into a completely different person while his master had not changed even the slightest bit.

 

“Still, I would like to hear the terms.”

 

“I've been talking with Kaoru.”

 

Kenshin stiffened and twisted slightly to the side, avoiding his master's eyes very carefully. He supposed it wasn't unusual that Hiko and Kaoru had been communicating. She'd practically lived in their house after her father passed away until she left for college.

 

“She's worried about you,” Hiko said quietly, swirling the whiskey in its glass.

 

“They're all worried about me.”

 

“Doesn't that tell you something?”

 

Kenshin was silent, turning inward. Hiko sighed and sipped at the whiskey, taking his time now to let it wash down his throat.

 

“Kenshin, how much do you remember of that fight between us when I found out you were going overseas?”

 

Silence again. Kenshin could remember almost the entire conversation verbatim, but he wasn't sure if he was willing to let Hiko know that. Not that lack of an answer was about to stop the older man.

 

“At the time, I could not understand your reasoning, no matter how hard you tried to explain it to me. I raised you to be like me…or so I thought. Self-serving, strong enough to fend for yourself, moral but not to the point of preaching, reserved and controlled. Somehow I missed that seed of self-sacrificing stupidity that grew up and took over your heart.”

 

Kenshin opened his mouth to protest the insult, but Hiko had already raised his hand to silence the angry retort.

 

“I'm glad I missed it though.”

 

Kenshin stopped midway through the first word of what had been promising to be a wonderfully stress-relieving rant. His mouth hung open and for a moment he found himself unable to speak or breathe.

 

“I taught you how to survive, Kenshin, but I think I did a rather poor job of raising you to be a good man. You learned that on your own. I should have been less of a master to you and more of a father, but what's done is done.

 

“Kaoru told me a little about what you told her, mostly about the reasoning behind your choice to fight overseas. While I can't comprehend this idiotic feeling you have to help people who cannot be helped, I can respect it now.”

 

Kenshin sipped his whiskey without speaking. Quite honestly, he hadn't the slightest clue what to say. Hiko really had never been a father to the redhead, but Kenshin had never expected such treatment. His father was a man killed by an epidemic overseas. No one else was supposed to take that place. More over, Hiko had never been the sort of man to admit any mistakes or misconceptions. If he found himself in the wrong, it didn't matter: he was still right. Or so Hiko perceived it. To hear an apology like this…

 

“Now then. I believe you were wondering about my terms.”

 

Kenshin blinked and glanced up from his glass. Hiko was looking out the window, slouched back in a posture of seeming nonchalance. The younger man knew far better. Hiko was like the trap waiting to spring and Kenshin was the unfortunate prey.

 

“I have it on good information that Kaoru is not making enough to keep her apartment.”

 

A frown dressed the redhead's face as he carefully wrapped his mind around the information.

 

“Her college loans are getting the best of her and she won't be able to keep up the rent at this rate.”

 

“Shishou…”

 

“I want you to help her out.”

 

Kenshin opened his mouth to protest and was immediately cut off.

 

“I don't care how you help her. You already know her well enough to know she wouldn't accept money so don't even try that route. Talk to her. Offer her a place to stay. Give her a shoulder to lean on. I don't care what you do, but for God's sake be there for her. She's had a rough life since her father passed away and has managed on her own for this long, but even people like her and like us need someone else every once and a while, Kenshin.”

 

The redhead slowly leaned back into the couch. Hiko had given him food for thought if nothing else. Certainly, he'd be in contact with his friends now, if only to make sure she was alright and would remain that way.

 

“Now, on to happier topics. Why the hell are you living in this dump?”

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

Hiko staid the night with Kenshin, celebrating the New Year in fantastic style by getting his adoptive son drunk enough to pass out. By the time Kenshin drifted off on the couch, 3 AM had already come and gone.

 

“If there's one thing I managed to drive through his skull,” Hiko muttered as he carried the redhead to his room, “it was how to hold his liquor.” He placed Kenshin in bed and covered him with a worn fleece blanket. “Sleep well, you idiot.”

 

With Kenshin asleep, Hiko retreated to the living room to consider the boy's most recent actions. It was clear his student still greatly cared for Kaoru, perhaps more than he cared for himself now if his living arrangements were any indication. He seemed to have her best interests in mind, even if his idea of her best interests and everyone else's idea of her best interests were vastly different.

 

The boy was injured on the inside. His heart was empty and soaked with all the things he'd done and seen overseas. Such wounds could be overcome, but rarely could they be overcome alone. Hiko had long ago decided that the best thing for Kenshin was to give him something to believe in, something to hold on to. Kaoru was that something now. In essence, Kaoru and Kenshin were yin and yang. Each needed the other in order balance. Kaoru was Kenshin's light just as he was her darkness.

 

Hiko's philosophical and moderately drunken musings were ruined as his cell phone began vibrating against his hip. He cursed quietly as he fumbled the phone from his pocket.

 

“This better be a damn good reason for calling after three in the morning.”

 

“Hiko…” Kaoru's voice was soft and hesitant on the other end.

 

Hiko's tone immediately changed, softened to a pitch mellower and less berating.

 

“Kaoru, are you alright?”

 

“I'm…I'm fine. I just wanted to wish you Happy New Year and see if you were still up…or…you know…passed out by now.”

 

“Now what's an old man to think when the girl who's practically a daughter to him tells him that?”

 

“That he should get out of the sake bottle more.”

 

“Now where would the fun in that be?”

 

“Did you go anywhere tonight?”

 

“You…you could say I did.”

 

“It's not too hard of a question, sensei. Either you did or you didn't.”

 

“Alright then, I did.”

 

Silence hung on the other line for a few seconds. “And…?”

 

“And…and I'm headed home now and no I'm not drunk and even if I was I'd get home perfectly fine. You know I can handle a sword even when I can't stand up straight.”

 

“I'll come get you if you need me to.”

 

“No, Kaoru. I'll be fine. Get some sleep. You have to face your loving students tomorrow so you're going to need it.”

 

“If you're sure…”

 

“I'll be fine. Bed, now. Consider that an order from your sensei.”

 

She chuckled softly, half-heartedly, before answering. “As you wish, Master. Good night.”

 

“Night dear. I might be by to visit on Wednesday or Thursday.”

 

“I'm not buying sake for you.”

 

“That's fine. I'll bring my own and we'll both get drunk.”

 

“Good night, Hiko,” Kaoru said pointedly before the line clicked off.

 

Hiko glanced back at Kenshin's door, his mind focusing on the life force behind it, the darkness that overshadowed what had once been light.

 

“You better wise up, baka-deshi,” his whispered harshly. “A line's starting to form for who gets to maim you first.”

 

oOoOoOoOo

 

Over the next several days, Kenshin made discreet visits to each of his friends, save one. They all confirmed the same thing. Kaoru had been packing up some of the heirlooms left from her father and selling them. She was pawning off old clothes and various other things that, for one reason or another, she'd decided she could live without. Her superintendent had been seen hovering outside her apartment on more than one occasion. For all intents and purposes it looked like the bottom was falling out from under Kaoru, and she wasn't allowing any of her friends to catch her.

 

“To be perfectly honest Kenshin, I've kind of known about this for a while,” Sano confessed over the counter of the bar he was currently bouncing at. “I've been slipping money into her account when she's not looking for quite a while now.”

 

“How?”

 

“This is Jou-chan we're talking about. She leaves her checkbook sitting out on her counter every day. It wasn't that hard to write down her account number.”

 

Kenshin nodded to himself.

 

“So what are you gonna do?” Sano asked, trying desperately to look like he wasn't as curious as a cat.

 

“I'm not sure yet…”

 

“But you're going to do something?”

 

“Well, I'm not about to let her wind up on the streets. And after all she did for me the least I can do is offer to help her out and lend her my place to crash at.”

 

“No offense, Kenshin, but your place is not exactly the most crashable.”

 

“I know. I've started looking for jobs in the local universities. I'm hoping they'll let me join on as a student teacher or a research assistant or something. I've already gotten a second job at a local dive near where I live. I should be able to afford an upgrade next month.”

 

“In the meantime…?”

 

“I…I'm not sure. I really don't know how to approach her and apologize for…”

 

“Being an ass.”

 

“For everything,” Kenshin said firmly as he glared up at Sano.

 

“Well, we can take care of getting you two in the same place at the same time. You're the one who has to figure out how to say what needs to be said.”

 

“Therein lies the problem.”

 

“Maybe talk to Aoshi about what she's said to Misao and him. I'll call you when we've got a setup. It will probably be dinner at someone's house or possibly heading to that dance club she took you to when you first got back.”

 

“Thanks, Sano. I…I'm very grateful.”

 

“You'd damn well better be. And, don't you dare screw it up this time. You have no idea how close I am to just pounding your head into the ground and making it look like an accident.”

 

“Do you…I…”

 

“She's in love with you, you idiot! There, I said it. Now get out and think about it.”

 

Kenshin blinked at the blunt statement before quietly drawing on his coat and walking outside. Snow was falling lightly, dancing against the sky in a waltz only nature knew the steps to. He stopped and watched the flakes ebb and flow in their lazy patterns.

 

“She…she loves me…”

 

A/N: And the other half of the update. Remember, there's a lot more where this came from and I'm feeling fairly close to the end as far as the writing's concerned. Again, thanks so much for your patience and understand. You've no idea how much I appreciate your support.

 

“Hate War, Love the…Warrior.” -Lt. Gen. Harold Moore