Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Shedding Colors ❯ Coming Clean ( Chapter 1 )

Shedding colors

By: Haruka-chan

AN: I have never written a Rurouni Kenshin fic but after watching Samurai X and crying for 10 minutes (And I hardly ever cry for anything) I felt myself getting that inspiration to write. Let me just start out by saying that I dislike Kaoru but I do feel bad for her. Next in this fic, there are no couples at all, there maybe hints but no couples. Finally this is a very fucked up little self-realization fic so if you don't like this kind of stuff don't read! Miner Spoilers!!!

Coming Clean...Chapter 1

There is always Lust, maybe not the sexual kind but a lust for something. Those who go to fulfill that lust gain something and lose more in many ways. He was called Shinto...his whole life a horrific tale of an incredible man who wasn't he. His life from the start was a sad tale, but as he grew it was even more depressing, he tried to smile and push that pain away from within him, but feelings were strong and stubborn, they were as good as he was with a sword. Then he started to grow old in order to fill that void that had been long taken from him. He took a mate; he was wrong in doing so for she found nothing but pain and tears. However, his death was something he looked forward to for then he would find his whole world replay and then he would have the power to seize those precious to him.

Kaoru woke and walked outside where she found Kenshin sitting lost in thoughts, he had been that way for a while now. She knew something was bothering him, but she didn't know how to ask him. She looked towards the trees that were singing quietly, it was as if they were trying to comfort him. She smiled he was such a strange person that even the quietest of living things wanted to speak to him; make him smile.

"Morning Kaoru" he said.

"Morning Kenshin" she said.

"I started on breakfast, and Yahiko and Sano went out to get something from the market" he said his voice soft and lost more then usual.

"Kenshin...is something bothering you?" asked Kaoru. Kenshin turned and smiled at her.

"No, nothing at all" he said.

"Are you sure?" asked Kaoru.

Kenshin nodded and stood. "You should probably get to breakfast, I will be going out and it will be night fall by the time I return" he said.

"Where are you going?" asked Kaoru.

Kenshin smiled and just started to walk towards the gate.

She didn't know so much about him...so much he wouldn't share with her. Kaoru then thought she would follow, but decided against that. She didn't want Kenshin to think she didn't trust him; it was her feelings and insecurities that she didn't trust. She shrugged and walked towards the kitchen she had a lot of work to do, but in the back of her mind, the thought tortured her.

He walked slowly down the path; he found his chest break in a pain that he was a little too used to. He looked up at the trees. It was this day those years back did he throw away everything and for what a self-greed of a man. He had spent every night then crying inside for those arms again. His hand touched the scar on his cheek.

"Tomoe" he whispered.

Yes, today was the day that he took the life of his wife. Even though they really weren't married, her touch and care burned into his memory as if it was real. No to him it was real; she was his wife, and his savior, his soul, his sheath. He smiled sadly and walked on. He wanted so much for her smile, for her presence near him and that thought made him want to tear his own heart open. However, he made a promise...to live for her, to give her something to be proud of to honor her death.

Though inside he felt he was never good enough for her love, he openly admitted many time that what he did as the manslayer he could never repent for, but he would try. He would try to make more peace then hate; but how can a lonely heart broken man do this? It was her scent that brought his head up and he smiled.

"White plums" he said.

The trees had sung for him...they had told him that she would come for him. He stood watching the tree for a moment before he got on the train; he was going to go back to Kyoto. He stood out and just watched as they passed by the land he called home, it was strange how much of a stranger he felt to a land he had lived in for all this life. It stopped. He walked up to her. She was still beautiful, still smiling at him with that care and love in her eyes.

"Tomoe" he said as he stepped close and let's his arms fall around her.

She didn't say anything as he held her. She just smiled and let her tears fall. This was the sin.

The sin, which he was paying for now. He was tired; so tired that he felt like falling. However, this exhaustion wasn't physical, but more mental and emotional. He had said many times in battle that one can suppress physical pain but those emotional pain never fades. She fell with him.

"I wish to hold you once more" he said in to her shoulder.

"I know," she whispered.

"This pain within me wishes to rest; but I can't. I made a promise." He said. She cupped his face and smiled at him.

"Kenshin..." she whispered.

Kaoru...he felt guilty. She was always there to support him, give him strength but he never gave any of it back to her, when he saw her, he saw something else, someone else.

Kenshin a name for a swords man not a child. He looked into her eyes and knew she wanted him to be happy, for years on and on she would give him that same look. He touched her face just as he did in that cabin so many years before.

"Tomoe" he whispered before he crushed her to his chest, which was now filling with joy and the pain of truth and reality...

TBC

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AN: Ok tell me what you think, and this is a BIG angst fic so expect sadness etc. Sorry about my spelling and grammar.