Survival of the Spirit Chapter 4

Don't own 'em but you know that

Shura adjusted her blouse, looking at herself in the mirror. If she didn't look too closely the scar wasn't even visible anymore. For months after the incident she'd kept her neck wrapped in scarves or wore high collared blouses and sweaters to hide what had been done to her. But just like time heals all wounds her visible wound was healed to the point that if anyone did notice it they asked her if she'd had surgery of some kind for a throat ailment.

She hung her head and took a deep breath to steady herself. For a long time she hadn't even had the nerve to look at herself in a mirror.

"Shura? Are you all right?"

She daubed the tears from the corner of her eyes and looked up at her husband, the man who had brought light back into her life and given her a reason to go on living.

"I'm fine Rich."

Richard Anderson knew better, but he didn't want to make things worse so he simply walked up and gave her a hug, holding her tight to his chest.

"You don't have to pretend with me Shura."

"Richard…"

"He's locked up, he's not a threat to you anymore. I know it's small consolation…"
"It's consolation enough Richard," she said, her voice icy with hate.

"I wish I could do to him what he did to me, make him feel the terror of that betrayal."

"We should move from here. I can get a job anywhere…"

"This is my home Richard and I want them to remember every time they see me that they let that psycho out knowing he can have a psychotic episode at anytime."

"Shura you're hurting yourself too. Don't you see that? This hate is eating you alive.

"The hate is what kept me alive Rich. All that time through all those operations all I could do was hate. All I did was see those fuckin' purple eyes turn amber and show no emotion, no recognition of who I was, what we had been. And I lay there and hated him, hated myself for being stupid enough to have fallen in love with him. I hate him Rich, and I'll hate him until the day he's dead."

"And when that day comes Shura what will give you reason to live?"

She met his eyes in the mirror and looked away.

"Rich, what we have isn't phony, it's based on honesty. I know you don't like hearing me talk like this but I have to. If I hold it in I'll be just like him."

"I just think that you hate him so much you don't have room enough in your heart to love me."

She turned to face him and they kissed.

"I support you in whatever you do, but I don't support you in this. I think that you should start going back to Sae…"

"I don't want to take those drugs Rich. Please."

"Okay Shura. Okay."

Sae looked up as Richard Anderson came in. He was a blond, with deep brown eyes but he carried himself as if he were Japanese, which for all intents and purposes he was. He'd lived here all of his life and his parents still lived here.

"Mr. Anderson. Long time no see."
"How have you been?"

"Fine. Busy."

They sat in tense silence for a minute, then Sae spoke, figuring he could only have come to see her for one reason.

"I guess you came because you heard."

Richard felt like a knife had been slammed into his stomach and twisted. He'd seen the way people had been looking at him out of the corner of their eyes and he'd wondered what was going on. He was praying to himself that Kenshin wasn't out again, that he wasn't free. But if he said no, he hadn't heard Sae would clam up so he had to pretend that he had.

"I don't know how it will affect her…" he said cautiously.

"I was going to go look for her today. I think it's a mistake, but the powers that be want him active again."

Kenshin was out, and would probably be going back on active duty. Richard took a steadying breath and met Sae's eyes.

"How long?"

"Actually a while. He's under very tight control, Ayame and Hideki are on him day and night, but we both know Kenshin can get away from them anytime he wants to."

"Of course. Should I tell Shura?"

"I don't know…"

"It should come from me. She was really obsessing about him this morning. Maybe she had a premonition of some sort."

"Maybe."

Sae sat back and crossed her legs.

"Call her and have her come here. I'll be in the next room."

Kaoru was deciding which bills to pay this month and for once she was in a position to pay most of them. She smiled and began writing checks. She'd even have some money left over. She finished one check and looked up, then smiled.

"Kenshin."

Kaoru hadn't heard him come into her office and she flashed him a nervous grin.

"How long have you been there?"

"A while," he said, sitting down in the chair across from where she sat. He didn't tell her he'd just wanted to watch her when she didn't know he was watching her. He liked the way she moved, the way she got into what she was doing totally and without hesitation.

"How was it with Yahiko this morning?"

Kenshin smiled in spite of himself.

"He's something else. We didn't fight though. And he is so smart it's a shame he was almost lost to the streets."

"He idolizes you Kenshin. He thinks of you as if you're his father. "

"I know. I wish I knew how to stop it. It's not healthy."

"I know."

Kaoru met Kenshin's eyes and he saw that she had something she wanted to talk to him about. They hadn't talked about Ayame's visit yet and he had decided to let her bring it up.

"Kenshin, Ayame told me something happened with your last girlfriend…"

So Ayame had told her about Shura. He looked away from her, his hair shielding his eyes from hers.

"I don't remember it so I can't tell you what happened. I know what they tell me I did."

"And that was?"

Kenshin looked up again, his heart in her hands but having to tell her the truth.

"I slit her throat."

Kaoru looked away, her hands going involuntarily to her own throat.

"Did she die?"

"No. She's very much alive. Married to an American."

"Oh. You keep track of her?"

"Not the way you think. I wanted to say I was sorry but I she understandably wants no parts of me. In fact she wants me dead."

Kaoru had no response, and Kenshin sat watching her for a few minutes before he stood up.

"It's why I have tried to take it slow with us Kaoru. I don't ever want to harm a hair on your head but I know I can."

Kaoru continued to avoid his eyes and he felt his world crumbling, saw a deep blackness coming at him from both sides. It was hard to hold it off, let alone push it away, but he managed to find his voice and say what he had to say to this woman he wanted in his life so badly it hurt.

"I understand that knowing the truth you want me gone. I'm sorry for imposing on you. I'll find a place…"

"You walk out of that door I'll kick your ass."

"You'll what?!" Kenshin said, shocked at her words even as he held back a smile. Was there hope? Had she seen enough of him, of the real Kenshin, to want to try and make a go of it with him?

"I said I will kick your ass. Now go. You said you were going to do the food shopping."

They stood with their eyes locked for a few seconds.

"Kaoru I don't know what kind of man I can be for you…"

"The store?"

He turned to leave, covering his eyes with dark glasses. There was one more thing she needed to know.

"I have an appointment with Ayame tomorrow afternoon. Yahiko knows I won't be there to pick him up and he's coming straight here."

"Why would you go to see her after what she did?" Kaoru asked, genuinely surprised.

"Because if I don't they'll come at you hard. Building code violations, illegal use of public space, they'll make it up as they go along. And forget about Yahiko. Believe me, I thought about not going, but I have to."

He was halfway out the door when Kaoru called his name.

"Are we going to lunch today Kenshin?"

"Yeah. We are," he said, keeping his back to her so he missed her smile of relief and she missed the sigh he heaved once out of her sight.

Sae had expected screaming, cursing and breaking of furniture, not the silence from the other room.

"Why?" Shura whispered, looking up at her husband feeling the control she'd been working to hold onto all day beginning to slip.

"Is he here? Is he in the building?"

"I don't know the why Shura. My guess is that they want him active again. No, he's not on active duty."

"I'm in charge of personnel moves. How could this be done without my knowing about it? How could they ignore me, my feelings, what happened to me…"

Sae decided that it was time for her to step in, and she quietly entered the room. Richard looked both relieved and angry and Sae stepped in between him and his wife, facing him.

"Richard, leave us alone would you?"

Richard looked back at his wife and left, anger seething inside of him. He had been raised in Japan, and he'd met Shura at school. He'd been in love right from the start and had always envisioned a future with her. But after they'd been recruited she'd met Kenshin and everything that had been between them had flown out of the window. She and Kenshin been really good together, and everyone in the agency thought that they'd marry. But then Kenshin had had his breakdown and nothing was the same again for any of them. Once Kenshin had been deemed safe by shrinks who, after he'd attacked Shura, had been fired, he'd picked up with Shura right where they'd left off, and for a while everything had gone well. Until that morning. Pain had been what woke Shura up, and if it hadn't been for her training she'd be dead. She couldn't scream, she was too busy trying not to bleed to death. Kenshin had been hot on her heels, stabbing her in her kidneys staggering her. Seeing her almost collapse he pounced, plunging the knife in again trying to sever her aorta. Even now Shura didn't know how she got out, and thanked the gods that the couple across the hall had been coming out of their apartment when she crawled into the hallway covered in blood and crying, unable to speak. The husband had cold cocked Kenshin, knocking him to the floor after his head hit the wall with a thud while his wife had dragged a now semi conscious Shura into their apartment while calling the police. Her first aid had been what saved Shura's life. For his part Kenshin was manacled and chained while still unconscious and taken to a private mental hospital where he was kept under heavy sedation while the doctors fought to save Shura's life. Richard had been in Malaysia when it happened and only heard about it when he got back. Without a second thought he'd rushed to her side. She had still not been able to talk, but she had been able to cry and he'd sat with her until the day she could whisper his name and take his hand. She moved in with her parents who were able to take care of her and he would visit every day first thing in the morning and again at night. It had been him who'd taken her on her first walks, him who'd rebuilt her confidence, and eventually won her heart. It had taken a long time for her to trust a man's touch, and she told him later a Japanese man would never be able to touch her again.

And now the man who had almost taken her life, who had almost destroyed her ability to love, was out of the hospital and they wanted him back at work. Richard didn't realize his fists were clenched until he went to push the elevator button to go back to his floor. By the time he got out he had decided it was time that he and Shura left Japan for a while.

"Kenshin?"

"Yeah Yahiko?" Kenshin asked, looking up from his meditation.

"Did you like killing people?"

Kenshin had picked him up from school and while Yahiko did his homework Kenshin worked on calming his mind using meditation. He didn't know how to answer Yahiko's question. Should he tell the boy how he had reveled in being the best, enjoyed the bonuses and perks that came from how well he did his job.

"It was my job to kill people. I did it."

"So why did you go nuts?"

Kenshin smiled at the boys' directness.

"It all hit me at once Yahiko, I don't know if there was a time, an event…"

"I think you should've been a teacher."

"You do?"
"Yes. You break everything down so that even an idiot like me can understand."

"You're not an idiot Yahiko. You have things you're interested in and things you're not interested in. I concentrate on what you like and try to make it so your lessons relate to those things."

"Whatever. I wish you were my real teacher."

"I really wanted to be a pro athlete, baseball or football."

"Were you good?"

Kenshin smiled.

"I like to think I was. But I was really good in martial arts and that's how they found me."

"Oh. Kenshin, can they make me leave here? I mean you and Kaoru are like my parents, even if she can't cook…"

Both of them smiled at the running joke of the dojo, and Yahiko continued.

"Even Sano and Megumi kinda look out for me. It's kinda cool being wanted."

Kenshin mussed Yahiko's hair and smiled.

"It does make a difference in how you see things, being wanted, it does."

"Now all that has to happen is you and Miss Kaoru get married and then you can adopt me and I won't ever have to go to a foster home again…"

"Foster home?" Kenshin asked, seizing on that rather than focus on he and Kaoru getting married and all that went with it.

"Yeah. One guy beat me, another woman wanted to pimp me, so I always ran away. If I'm with you and Miss Kaoru, I'll be safe."

Kenshin heard Kaoru's words from that afternoon echo in his head, and he sighed.

"Miss Kaoru is a very special woman that she is," Kenshin said. "She deserves a better man than me."

"I don't think she wants anyone else Kenshin. And neither do you."

"Are you finished your homework you brat?" Kenshin asked.

Yahiko laughed and went back to work, and Kenshin resumed his meditation, closing his eyes. Yahiko was right. He didn't want anyone else but Kaoru.

The old man smiled at Kenshin, who had stopped by on his way to pick up Kaoru. "Children are very wise in their own way. They don't know they're not supposed to say some things. Now, how was your purge?"

"I'm purged."

When the old man didn't crack a smile Kenshin stopped smiling, leaning back against the wall and waiting for his new friend to talk.

"Any dreams?"

"Dreams? I don't dream."

"Everyone dreams. Some of us choose to forget them."

"Why is it important that I have dreams old man?"

The old man shrugged.

"Once you have a dream you'll come see me."

"Look…"

He poured Kenshin a cup of tea and held it out to him.

"No purge. Just a tea, my own concoction."

Kenshin sniffed at it and took a sip.

"Good."

"Glad you like it. Ready to talk about your first kill yet?"

"No."

The sat in silence for a few minutes while Kenshin finished the tea.

"Time for you to go see Kaoru. She's waiting for you."

Kenshin looked at the old man. He had no intention of talking about his job with this man. It was bad enough he had to talk to Ayame.

"How are you sleeping?"

"Okay."

"No lost time? Blank spaces?"
"No."

"Good. You come to me first if you have one, do you understand?"

"If I have a dream I come see you and if I blank out I come see you."

"Right."

"I go to my shrink tomorrow."

"Come and see me."

Kenshin stood up, finished with the tea and left without a look back. Saito watched from the shadows as Kenshin walked down the alley to the gym. So far Kenshin h ad done nothing to cause alarm. He'd watched some t.v. with the boy after homework and his workout with Kaoru, and made sure he was in bed before he'd left. Sano stayed in the other spare room Kaoru had and Kenshin had stopped to tell him he was leaving. He'd talked to the old man who seemed to have taken a liking to Kenshin for about half an hour and now he was going to pick up the woman he was involved with. This would be his first time seeing them interact and he waited until Kenshin entered the gym before moving towards the door and taking up a position where he could see inside.

"Hello Saito."

Kenshin was standing in the doorway, his arms folded across his chest.

"Kenshin."

"Why are you here?"

Saito stepped towards the one man he feared in the entire world cautiously, keeping his eyes glued on Kenshin's.

"I think you know the answer to that Kenshin."

"Humor me Saito."

"They want you back."

"I'm not going back. I have another life now…"

"You're trying to have another life now Kenshin. You know what the risks are."

"I do."

"And if you fail?"

"I'm not going to. It's just gonna take time."

"They're not patient people."

"Then tell them this for me. I'm not going to do their killing anymore. I'm not the Battousai they want me to be. You, or anyone else can have that title. I'm Himura Kenshin, and I work at the Kamiya Dojo. That's all I want to be."

Kaoru had heard voices and opened the door standing just behind Kenshin.

"Go back inside Kaoru."

"No."

"Feisty isn't she Kenshin. Just your style."

"She's not part of this Saito."

"Ah but she is Kenshin. You know our employers…"

"Your employers…"

"…have the ways and means to make you come back," Saito said, looking at Kaoru, who was holding onto Kenshin's arm hard enough to draw blood.

"Can't you hear buddy? He said he's not coming back to your stinking organization."

"Miss Kaoru stay out of this. Please," Kenshin said softly. Kaoru heard that he had resumed the more formal form of address and understood what he was doing. They were not lovers, and he was letting Saito know that they weren't.

"You should listen to the Battousai young lady."

"Battousai? What, what kind of name is that? It means…"

"Manslayer. He knows so many ways to kill people he was given that title that hadn't been used since the Meiji Restoration. Some say he even resembles the man who first wore the title. When he goes into his killing frenzy his eyes turn amber. If you want to know how terrifying he can be you should call a woman named Shura. She was his last lover. Wears a nice scar around her neck as proof of his love for her."

"I know about her buster, he's told me everything."

Saito looked from one to the other, from Kenshin to Kaoru and back to Kenshin.

"Good night you two. Enjoy dinner."

Saito melted back into the shadows and Kaoru let out breath she didn't know she'd been holding, resting her forehead on the back of Kenshin's shoulder.

"Kaoru…"

"It's all right Kenshin. I'm fine."

He pulled her to him, holding her tight to his body to try and calm her shaking.

"Kaoru, please. Don't be afraid."

"I'm not afraid. I'm angry Kenshin!" she said pulling away enough to be able to look into his eyes.

"You should be afraid Kaoru. Of them and of me."

"Kenshin…"

"They call me the Battousai Kaoru. I enjoyed it. I reveled in it. I could kill anyone, anytime, anyplace. I would track you to the ends of the earth to see you die if they told me you had to die. Until…"

Kenshin leaned back against the wall, hands shoved in his pocket.

"That baby, that fuckin' little baby!!!"

Kaoru stood stock still, shocked at the emotion.

"I didn't have to kill the baby Kaoru. But I did. I killed it just like I killed it's parents. Just before I killed it he smiled and reached up for me to pick him up. Is that the type of man you want in your bed Kaoru? The kind of man you want making love to you? You deserve better than that kind of man. Better than me."

"Kenshin you walked away from that. You stood up to that, that thug and told him you're not going to kill anymore. Do you know how many people never get the chance to do penance, to say I was wrong? You're taking that chance. It won't be easy, they don't want you to do it because that would show others that there are things, ideals, that can't be compromised. If you run now, if you go, you'll prove that you are the Battousai, that you can't ever be Kenshin again.

He opened his eyes and looked at her.

"You don't know me Kaoru."

"I know what you've shown me the last few days, how you act with Yahiko, how you humble yourself when you should be lording it over us."

Kenshin looked at her, his eyes cold.

"You see what you want to see Kaoru."

He stood up and headed towards where she stood, coming to stand in front of her and look into her eyes.

"I think we need to close up Kaoru."

"Promise me you won't run."

"Kaoru…"

"PROMISE ME KENSHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

He touched her face, and smiled.

"I hope I'm worth your faith in me Kaoru."

She smiled and kissed him lightly.

"Lets go close up."

Sano and Megumi watched as Kenshin and Kaoru came into the restaurant. They stopped and talked to the owner and her helper before going to their favorite table and sitting down, each one ordering a soft drink and a light meal.

"Not a lot of conversation between them tonight huh?"

"No. I wonder what happened. They look kind of down."

"Kaoru looks down. Kenshin looks, I don't know, pensive?' Megumi said, resting her chin on her hands.

Sano and Megumi usually came here earlier but there had been an emergency at the clinic where Megumi worked and their dinner had been delayed.

"I don't want him to see me. I'm supposed to be sitting Yahiko."
"Sano!! You should've told me. Look, lets get take out and go back to the dojo. I don't feel comfortable sitting here while the boy is there alone."

"Megumi…"

"Sano, let's go."

They managed to get out the back way unseen by Kenshin and Kaoru and made it back to the dojo in a very short time. Megumi checked on Yahiko and found him flat on his back, asleep. When she got to the kitchen Sano had already started eating and she joined him, famished, and knowing the food would not be enough.

"Here, have some of mine," Sano said, handing her the rest of his food.

"Sano…"

"Megumi, when was the last time you ate?"

"I…"

"That's what I figured. Eat."

Megumi dug in and Sano watched her eat, laughing.

"What?" she asked, looking up at him after shoveling another load of food in her mouth.

"You have no shame."

"I'm hungry. Can it."

"What do you think about Kenshin and Kaoru?" Sano asked, going back to his food.

"I think he knows Kaoru is an innocent, and he's taking his time with her."

"I hope you're right. I mean they say he was some kind of assassin."

"I know."

Megumi hadn't meant to let that slip, and covered her flub by sipping more sake.

"Kao talked to you?"

"Sano…"

"Megumi, this is important."

Megumi looked down and sighed.
"A little. She really cares for him."

"She barely knows him!"

"No matter. She cares, and for a woman that's enough sometimes."

"I know he cares for her. When he thinks no one is looking he stares at her as if he was a drowning man and she was his life raft.

"I've seen the look. I can't criticize her though. Look who I sleep with."

"What's that mean?"

"You're an instructor at the dojo, yeah, but you carouse, drink, smoke, gamble…"

"And you love your roughneck don't you?"

Megumi resumed eating, and Sano leaned over, lifting her chin.

"I didn't hear you."

"I'm eating."

He kissed her, his tongue demanding and receiving entry to her mouth. When they broke the kiss he smiled at her his eyes sparkling.

"That's just the appetizer. You'll get the main course later."

"Sano!!!"

They smiled at each other before Sano took a sip of the sake Kenshin had bought a couple of days ago and Megumi went back to eating.

"You never told me what those people wanted with you the other night Sano," Megumi said softly. Sano looked away from her eyes, knowing she suspected.

"They wanted to know all I knew about Kenshin. Said he was dangerous, a killer, and that if Kaoru was my friend I would see to it that she didn't get involved with him. They asked me did I ever sleep with her…"

"What did you say?" Megumi asked. It as a question she'd always had too.

"Kaoru is a friend I've had all my life. She's always been focused on her duties, on what she's supposed to do, on upholding her family's name. She didn't have time for a boyfriend, until now."

"Did they threaten you Sano?"

Now it was his turn to avoid her gaze.

"Yes."

"So they want you to spy on them."

"They want to know when he sleeps with her. I don't know why that's important but they want to know. I feel bad but…"

"It's what happens when you have outstanding arrest warrants," Megumi said sharply.

"Kaoru is our friend. She hired you and gave you a place to stay when no one else would. When have you seen her this happy Sano? You who've known her all her life should see this man is who she wants."

"Kaoru is gonna get hurt. Those people aren't gonna let them have a moments peace."

"You're really afraid of them."

"You would be too Megumi."

She shrugged.

"I wanted to practice in this neighborhood, and I guess intrigues like this are part of the territory."

"Yeah and when you get bored you'll go running back to your family and marry some rich punk and have a gazillion kids."

"Maybe. Maybe not," Megumi said, finished eating and putting her chopsticks down.

"I don't have much to go back to there you know. They're not what they seem, and I'm just as susceptible to blackmail as you are Sano. No one suspects because they're so proper and so rich and belong to all the right clubs and societies. I'm the one who's trying to do the right thing, not them."

Sano always thought in the back of his mind that Megumi thought she could do no better, should do no better than him. She had no idea of knowing what they said about him and her, that they said she was class and he was trash and that she would find someone, probably one of the doctors who worked at the clinic, and flat leave him. The job at the dojo provided him just enough money to be able to take her out from time to time.

"I wonder if she's going to go dancing this week." Megumi asked, wanting to change the subject. Sano, of the same mindset, shrugged.

"We'll know soon enough."

"I got a new dress."

"Did you now?" Sano smiled, back on familiar ground.

"I can't wait to get you out of it."

"Pervert."

Yahiko was frowning when Kenshin picked him up in the afternoon and looked away as he handed Kenshin a note.

"They're gonna try and take me away from you and Kaoru Kenshin!!!"

"This says they want to visit us and see where you live."

"I know these people. You don't."

"You have space to yourself, a study area, I live upstairs, Sano lives down the hall and Kaoru has her apartment…"

"They won't like it. Trust me."

Kaoru and Megumi agreed with Yahiko.

"We have to do something guys," Kaoru said, looking at Sano, Kenshin, and Megumi, who had made dinner today. She had the afternoon off, and as usual was at the dojo.

"Yahiko needs a room of his own."

Megumi's words fell like lead in the room. There was no way for him to have a separate room.

"Megumi, can I talk to you alone?" Sano said, getting up.

Megumi followed and they went into the alley.

"Look, this is awkward, but why don't I move in with you? Yahiko can have his own room, Kenshin is still in the attic and Kaoru will be in her apartment."

"Are you sure about this Sano? I don't take these things lightly you know…"

"I, well, I've been saving and I was gonna ask you on your birthday if we could make our relationship more permanent. I also got a job as a janitor at the school."

"Sano!!"

"I'll never be your equal Megumi, but no one will ever love you more than I will, and I'm going to fight to be at your side and make you proud of me."

She fell into his arms and they shared a long kiss before going back inside to start moving things around. By that evening Yahiko was in his own room for the first time in his life, Kenshin stayed in his attic room, and Kaoru wished she was in Megumi's shoes.

"I mean, at least you and Sano, well, you have a relationship. I don't know what I have with Kenshin."

"A relationship Kaoru."

"Sometimes I think he's just playing with me, that he's got some woman with five kids stashed somewhere."

"If he was playing with you Kaoru he would've taken what he wanted from you and been gone. The problem is he does care for you, and the problem with that is he's not mentally stable, and he knows it. He may have harmed someone close to him in the past and that's why he's hesitating, and why he waited so long to approach you."

"Megumi, at night sometimes I…"

"That's normal too. If you weren't feeling like that I'd be worried."

"Megumi, does it really hurt when…"

"Yes, it hurts. Not I need morphine hurt but it hurts."

"Will I get pregnant the first time?"

"Not if he wears a condom."

"I don't want him to do that Megumi. I want to really feel him inside of me…"

Megumi took Kaoru's hand and they sat down.

"Kenshin is a man, a grown man. He's slept with many women. I'm sure you've heard about STD's, AIDS, all of it. And not only that, you don't have to get pregnant the first time but you could, and with all the problems Kenshin has do you want to add that to it? Some condoms are very thin, and feel almost like skin. Later when he's more stable, and you two have been with each other exclusively for a while, then ditch the condom. Not right now."

Megumi knew that was not what Kaoru wanted to hear, and probably wasn't what would happen unless Kenshin forced her to accept that he should wear a condom. Why young women were so insistent on "feeling everything" in light of what was going on was beyond her.

"You like your new room?" Kenshin asked, already knowing the answer from the glow in Yahiko's eyes.

"I've never had my own room before," Yahiko said, a gleeful but disbelieving smile on his face.

"I know you probably had one bigger than this…"

"No I didn't. I never had a room of my own until I was older." He didn't want to say that his joining the elite corps of assassins got him that room, and that it was just a partition in a barracks.

"Don't forget I won't pick you up tomorrow."

"Miss Kaoru said she would."

"She did huh?" Kenshin smiled.

"Yeah. She said she wants to see this place and how they treat me."

Kenshin really laughed then, and Yahiko, stunned, joined in.

"Bed time Yahiko."

"Awww…."

"Good night. I'll see you in the morning."

Ayame had not seen Shura in a long time and she'd been surprised that she had called and invited herself to lunch. Shura was like that, you didn't get a chance to say yes or no when she was on a mission, personal or otherwise. The restaurant was frequented by an upscale clientele, and Ayame was known here. Their table was discreet and in the area of honor.

"Kenshin is being returned to the field?" Shura said, her eyes boring into Ayame who knew that Shura knew the protocols, and that there was no sense in lying.

"Not yet Shura."

"Why wasn't I told?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

Shura's hand went to her throat.

"Is he involved with someone else Ayame?"

"I can't tell you that Shura and you know it."
"Why Ayame? Is it you?"

"You are impossible Shura!!!"

The two women glared at each other for a few seconds.

"Kenshin's case is highly classified and I can't discuss it, or him with you. If that's what this lunch is all about forget it."

Shura looked down trying to keep her anger in check.

"You haven't been to see Doctor Kuroki…"

"What can that bitch do for me?" Shura snapped, and Ayame realized that the woman in front of her was close to losing her grip, that the demon of vengeance was almost totally in control of her.

"Shura, humor me. Go see her. Izumi…"

"I said I don't want to see her."

"If you're going off the deep end like this Shura you need to see her. Now."

Ayame grabbed Shura by the arm and led her out of the restaurant and around the corner to the medical building. Going inside she barged into Kuroki Izumi's office.

"Is she in?"

"With a patient…"

At that moment the door opened and Izumi came out with her patient, a young woman who had an eating disorder that was just a symptom of what was going on in her life. She bid the girl goodbye and took one look at Ayame, and who she had in tow, and told her receptionist to cancel all but emergencies for the next two hours. She'd heard Kenshin might be reactivated, and the fact that Ayame had Shura in tow had to be because of that rumor.

"Hello Shura," Izumi said, sitting down. She was an older woman, her hair cut in a short bob and shot through with iron colored gray. Many saw her age as a disadvantage but she didn't, and none of her patients did either. She was brutally honest when need be, and knowing Shura the way she did knew that she would need all her strength to break down her walls.

"What happened that you're bringing her to me Ayame?"

Izumi listened to what had happened in the restaurant and nodded, her eyes never leaving Shura, who was glaring out of the window. When Ayame left Izumi stared at Shura.

"So you've heard the rumor too huh?"

"I'm only here because that witch didn't want to hear the truth."

"Which is?"

"She's fuckin' Kenshin!!! Can't you tell?"

"And if she is what's it to you? The man tried to kill you and almost succeeded. He could be fucking every woman in Tokyo and it shouldn't matter to you. Unless you still love him, and that's something different."

"Love Kenshin?"

Izumi shrugged.

"It does happen Shura. No need to be embarrassed. The only problem is that you have a husband, whom I'm sure knows you still love the man who tried to kill you and that no matter how much he loves you it'll never be enough."

"I love Richard. He was the only one there for me…"

"Kenshin did try and see you to apologize and you refused to see him. Why are you so upset now that he's rumored to be coming back?"

"Apologize to me for what he did? Do you know how I look naked Izumi? Scars up my back, between my breasts, my throat. Saying sorry won't take those scars away Izumi."

"No, but it would help you both to heal and move forward. He always succeeded in killing whoever he went after. Why didn't he kill you?"

"Because I ran Izumi!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he'd gotten a clean shot at my kidneys, if I hadn't been moving, I'd be dead. And he wants to say he's sorry."

"And you're angry at yourself for still being in love with him."

Shura started to scream that she didn't love Kenshin, that she hated him but her scream came out a wail of pain, and tears streamed down her cheeks. Izumi let her cry herself out, knowing it was the first time she'd let herself cry in the two years since she'd been attacked.

"What did I do to him Izumi? Why did he make love to me the night before, tell me he loved me, and wake up…"

"Mistakes were made in his treatment Shura, and that's why the doctors treating him were let go. It could've been a dream, a smell, a memory, we'll never know."

"He claims he doesn't remember what happened…" Shura stammered her nose runny and her voice raspy.

"He probably doesn't Shura."

"So he just gets to come back here, pick up where he left off, and nothing happened. I carry these scars, I can't even let my husband get really close to me, all because of him!"

Shura looked up at Izumi, her face red and blotchy.

"I don't love him anymore Izumi. I hate him, and I want him to feel the same pain I do. Whoever he's with I'll see to it she's scarred the same way I am, and every time he fucks her he'll see me."

"That's what she said?" Hideki said, glancing nervously at Ayame and their boss, Tagawa Utemaro.

"I've put her on anti psychotics and plan to speak with Richard, but if they have any intention of bringing him back she'd better not be here."
"Richard Anderson asked for a transfer to our consulate in San Francisco. I think I'll see to it that it goes through."

"What about Kenshin?"

"He has an appointment this afternoon."

"Do you think he'll come?"

"I don't know. I tried to warn the girl so maybe he made his move and bedded her to make sure she stays his."

No one disagreed with Ayame' s assessment.

"I have Hajime watching them and the school sent a note home saying they were going to visit and see what conditions the boy Yahiko is living in. We should find out a lot then."

Kenshin stood in front of the mirror and looked at himself. He had gone to his old apartment and brought the rest of his clothes here so that soon he would have no reason to go there at all. He was dressed in black, crisp black slacks, an imported black cotton shirt, black hose and black boots. His hair was very long now, it flowed down his back. He secured most of the heavy mass in a ponytail, but as usual the front was doing its own thing. His suit jacket was on the back of a chair and he checked, making sue he had his i.d. and his appointment slip. He had thought about carrying his gun but changed his mind. If he was killed Kaoru would mourn for a while but she'd get over it. It mattered to him how she felt he thought to himself. It mattered to him that she was struggling with her business and yet had taken both him and Yahiko in without a second thought. He paid her rent, he could afford to, and also did chores around the dojo and gym, seeing it as a form on penance. Would he ever be able to erase the blood from his hands? How many times would he be reborn until he reached an era where he didn't have to kill? Finished buttoning his shirt he touched the birthmark on his face, a cross shaped mark that looked like a scar. Where had it come from and what did it mean he asked himself. And had Kaoru been part of his life in the past?

"Kaoru." He said her name aloud, almost as an accompaniment to the Mozart that was playing. He closed his eyes against the rush of emotion that surged through his body. If he survived to this weekend and they went dancing, maybe then he could allow himself to relax, allow himself to really be with her. He liked the idea and looked around the room. It wasn't much, and he knew she'd prefer his other apartment, but here he felt at home, this was her home, and maybe it would be right for her to be with her first, and hopefully only, man here.

There was a soft knock at the door and Kaoru stepped into the room. When she saw Kenshin standing there she gasped, covering her mouth.

"Oh my."

"What?" he asked, flashing a rare smile.

"You look…great. Really good."

"Thank you," he said, picking up his jacket as he moved towards her. He hadn't meant to but he swept her into his arms and they stood staring into each others eyes until he gently cupped her head and pulled her into his kiss. Kaoru didn't need any more encouragement and they stood there just making out, each kiss getting deeper and deeper until Kaoru didn't know if she was still breathing. The sweetness of his mouth, the taste of him, and the smell of him was intoxicating and if he wanted her now he could have her.

They broke the kiss at the same time, stepping back from each other.

"Our first time together is going to be special Kaoru. Not a rush, not shoving against the wall."

He leaned in and kissed her again, and she felt the difference, the urgency, the need that fueled the kiss.

"All of that will be for you Kaoru. But not like this. You're a lady and you deserve a special night."

"Kenshin…"

They resumed their kissing, and wherever his hands touched he left fire. Kaoru had undone his hair and buried her fingers deeply, holding onto it for dear life.

Kenshin was drowning. Drowning in honey and he was going to let himself drown. She was trembling with need and want now, and he was no better, a full blown erection letting him know if this didn't stop her special night would be her second time with him. Their mouths separated and she fixed lust glazed eyes on his.

"Kenshin…"

"Kaoru…"

Forget the damn appointment he thought to himself, lifting her and heading towards his bed. She was lying softly against his chest and he squatted, laying her down gently and kissing her before getting up to lock the door and grab a towel. Just as he got to the door it banged open and Sano stood there. Sano took in Kenshin's look, hair down around his shoulders, face flushed, and understood what must be happening and he knew Kaoru would curse him out later.

"There's a car and driver downstairs waiting for you."

"No."

"Yes Kenshin. They want you to come now."

"So do I," Kenshin thought to himself, looking back to where Kaoru was now getting up. She walked over and stood next to Kenshin, her hair also undone, and Sano blushed.

"I'm sorry guys. I didn't know…"

"It's all right Sano," Kenshin said with a smile as he turned to get his suit jacket which he'd unceremoniously dropped to the floor. Making sure everything was still in his inside pockets he slipped the jacket on and took the cloth covered rubber band Kaoru held out to him and pulled his hair back.

"Tell them I'll be there in a minute."

"Sure."

Sano was glad to be able to leave them alone and Kenshin touched Kaoru's face.

"Tonight."

"Tonight."

Kenshin slipped into the back of the car and met Saitou's eyes.

"What are you now a chauffer?"

"Fuck off Himura."

Kenshin fixed his gaze on the scene outside his window.

"Why do you live here Himura? We pay for a perfectly decent apartment."

"I like it."

"You don't have to live like this…"

"If you people had left me alone I would be living like this."

"You're a killer Battousai, and you'd probably be working for one of the Yakuza."

Kenshin closed his eyes preferring the thoughts of Kaoru's mouth on his, the fullness of her breasts and the hardness of her nipples. He'd almost tasted all of her, not just the promise of her mouth. And she had opened her legs to him, her hands on his butt pressing his erection into her groin. Tonight he would claim her, make her his.

"Where are you?"

Saitou's voice pushed the images out of his head and the want out of his body.

"Why did they send you?" Kenshin asked.

"I was going to make the appointment."

"It took you almost half an hour to get downstairs. The hell you were gonna make the appointment. Hideki wanted to make sure you did."

"Ayame is my shrink."

"Hideki is taking over the lead role."

The two men's eyes met in the mirror.

"I see you understand Battousai."

Kenshin looked away.

"Shishio is not happy you're coming back."

"Who the fuck is he?" Kenshin asked, already knowing the answer.

"He took your place after your incident with Shura. The powers that be needed someone and he was next in line. Pleasant chap."

Kenshin knew Saitou and knew if the said that the guy must be hell on wheels.

"So why am I being forced back?"

"I don't know yet…"

"You're director of covert ops…"

"And you are still being paid as our chief assassin. You've been taking money out of your account, and visiting your apartment."

"I pay Kaoru rent, and I need to move my things out of that prison in the sky."

"You mean to stay where you are?"

"Yes."

Saitou had been Kenshin's handler a long time and knew the man probably better than he knew himself. Kenshin was about to fall deeply in love with the owner of he dojo and gym and now was not the time for him to do that. The near killing of a security op they could cover up. A civilian death would be difficult.

Saitou turned into the underground garage and into the space reserved for him. Kenshin waited until Saitou was out of the car to get out, his eyes scanning the area as he did. Saitou kept the smile off of his face. Kenshin still had his instincts, still had the skills of a covert operative, an assassin.

The two men walked silently to the elevator and rode up to their floor.

"Why here?" Kenshin asked as he walked down the eerily quiet aisle.

"I wanted you to see your cubicle. Latest equipment, state of the art. All it needs is it's occupant back."

Anger was not the response Kenshin thought to himself. If Hideki was now handling him it meant he'd be rushed back into active duty.

"I told you already Saitou, I'm not in the killing business anymore. I won't do it."

"It's what you are Battousai. You are THE manslayer, not just a man slayer, and that makes you different. Your country needs you."
"I am not the Battousai. My name was Himura Shinta. You people named me Kenshin."

He stepped in close to Saitou.

"And from what I know now, set my parents up to be killed."

Saitou's features remained still, but he knew that at some point Kenshin would figure it out. He may be unstable but a trained mind remained a trained mind, sick or not.

"I thought so," Kenshin said quietly, turning and heading for the elevator.

"Himura."

Kenshin turned at the unfamiliar voice and looked at it's owner. The man was not much taller than him, with red hair like his although it was a darker shade.

"Come back to claim your throne?"

"And you are?" Kenshin asked quietly although he already knew.

"Shishio is the only name you need to know Battousai."

Kenshin turned away from the man and pressed the button for the elevator.

"You can't avoid me forever Battousai," Shishio said as Kenshin stepped into the elevator.

"My name is Kenshin," was the only response Shishio got as the elevator doors closed.

Megumi came by the dojo for lunch and found Sano sitting in the kitchen.

"Hello love," she said, kissing him lightly. When he didn't respond she looked at him more closely.

"What the hell is wrong with you Sanosuke? You look like you lost your best friend."

Sano looked up at Megumi who was getting some food out of the pot.

"I caught Kenshin and Kaoru…"

"He finally…"

"No, I interrupted them."

"So why the long face?"

"Megumi for a doctor you act like a complete idiot sometimes."

"Huh?" Megumi asked, sitting down. "You said you interrupted them. Were they in the middle of it or…"

"It seemed they were just getting started. Megumi, what did I tell you those people want from me?"

"Oh. Oh, I get it. So you were just in time."

"I think it's gonna happen soon. They looked so…right together."

"You don't live here anymore. Why don't you just say, if they find out on their own, that you had no idea. They'll have no choice but to believe you."

Sano nodded in agreement, but Megumi saw something else was bothering him.

"Ever since I got out of the gang I've seen Kaoru as my little sister. Now she's gonna take up with this guy…"

"It was bound to happen Sano. Now if you just…"

Kaoru smiled as she walked in. She hadn't heard a word of what Megumi and Sano had been talking about and once her two friends realized that they relaxed. Kaoru was humming a popular tune, off key, as she made a plate for herself before sitting down with them.

"Beautiful day isn't it?" she said smiling before she dug into her food.

"I suppose so Kaoru," Megumi said, glancing at Sano, who looked at his watch.

"Listen, I've gotta run an errand. See you at home Megumi."

He kissed her on the cheek and left the women alone. Kaoru was staring into space, her head leaning on her hand, and Megumi smiled.

"Did something important happen Kaoru?"

It took a few seconds for the words to register Kaoru to get her eyes back in focus.

"Huh?" she asked, poking at food she really didn't want.

"Did you and Kenshin…"

Kaoru sighed.

"No, not yet. But soon."

"Did you talk to him about condoms Kaoru?"

Kaoru giggled and Megumi had to stop herself from shaking Kaoru.

"We didn't do much talking Megumi," she grinned.

"Kamiya Kaoru, listen to me. If you end up pregnant…"

"It would be wonderful to have his baby Megumi."

"Kaoru!! Listen to me. I brought these pills…"

"Huh?"

"Kaoru, please listen. Take one after you two…make love okay? Please."

"After?"

"After. And then come and get a supply of birth control pills. I'll write the prescription for you."

"Thank you Megumi. You're so kind."

Megumi knew she'd have to make sure Kaoru took the morning after pills, which meant she'd have to know when they had sex. This meant she'd be putting herself in the middle of something she shouldn't be involved with. She was just about to try and penetrate the fog around Kaoru's brain again when the door opened. Both Megumi and Kaoru knew who the man was with the white hair and Kaoru made a rapid recovery.

"Kamiya Kaoru?"

"Yes. How can I help you?"

Enishi stepped into the room, looking around the room.

"I'm looking for the Battousai."

Megumi had never heard the name before and she looked at Kaoru who she saw knew exactly who they were talking about.

"He's not here."

Enishi was someone even the youngest child knew to be afraid of, and Megumi noticed that not a sound was coming from the alley.

"Miss Kamiya, I respect you, as I respected your father. I hope that you're telling me the truth."

"He's not here Enishi-sama. He had to go out."

"Tell him I was looking for him won't you?"

"Yes. Yes I will."

Enishi looked her up and down with a look that made Kaoru feel dirty before leaving. Several of Kaoru's friends came running not knowing what they would find.

"What did he want?"

"He wanted to see Kenshin," Kaoru said, "but he's not here. He went out."

The others left except for the old man, who busied himself making a tea for them while Megumi barraged Kaoru with questions.

"Why did he call Kenshin the Battousai? Doesn't that mean manslayer?"

"Yes."

"What is Kenshin?"

"A man with a past Megumi. That's all I have to say."

"Must be a doozie with a nickname like that."

Sano came rushing in the door searching for Megumi. Seeing she was all right he marched up to Kaoru.

"What did that man want?"

"Kenshin."

"Did you know they call Kenshin the Battousai?" Megumi asked Sano as she came over and stood next to him.

"Battousai? Kenshin? Oh shit. How the hell did I miss that?"

"Sano?" Megumi asked sweetly.

"Why don't you enlighten your room mate?"

"Sorry Megumi. When I was in the gangs there were all kinds of rumors about this assassin they called the Battousai. You never saw him coming unless he was coming for you. Some said he was a demon, others a psychotic, but all agreed he had red hair and a birthmark on his left cheek shaped like a cross. Holy shit. I thought…"Kaoru got up and picked up a mug of the tea the old man had made for her ignoring Sano's eyes.

"Kaoru…"

"I know about the Battousai Sano. Kenshin told me."

"They say he went nuts from all the killing. I thought he was dead."

"No, he's very much alive," Kaoru said softly, remembering the passion they'd shared earlier in the day.

"Kaoru…"

"He's not leaving Sano. Not now, not ever. Do I make myself clear?"

She glanced up at the clock and screamed, dropping her mug, grabbing her jacket and flying out the door.

"What the fuck?"

"Yahiko. She has to get him."