Survival of the Spirit Chapter 2 A Rushof Blood to the Head

I don't own them folks!!! ^_^

"Are you sure he's with the girl?"

"That guy confirmed it last night. What was his name again?"

"Sanosuke."

"Yeah.Chatty once we made his options clear," Hiroki said with a smile.

"What do you want to do Maita-san?" The man asked the woman, who had seemed to be lost in thought. Hiroki was used to her silences and he knew to wait. Their boss was more impatient however.

"Ayame we need an answer today," he barked.

Ayame knew what the clinical answer was. Men like Kenshin usually didn't cope well in the civilian world, and had to be quietly killed. He had, like many of them, had a nervous breakdown after a particularly nasty job and had been institutionalized for eight years. He'd been released to a control family and been encouraged to develop a friendship with a man named Akirawho had a sister named Tomoe. Things had seemed to go well until something had triggered him, they never knew what, and after killing Akirahe tried to kill Tomoe, who had escaped his rage. They had not known that Tomoe had developed a crush on him and when they tried to kill him she had taken the bullets meant for him. Ever since then he'd stayed away from close contact with women, indulging his needs via prostitutes and voyeurism via the Internet. If he was making an attempt at a real relationship this was a major step forward, and despite recent set backs should be encouraged.

"I think we leave them alone."

"You're putting another girl at risk…"

"I don't think so. He sought her out. He picked her gym out of all the ones in the area and attended every other night. He may want to be with her."

"So what do we do?"

"Keep them under observation but leave them alone. At the first sign of psychosis…"

"What, finding her body?" Hideki shot back, livid.

She shot a venomous look at her partner.

"I don't think this is a good thing Sakura. I think we need to bring him in and neutralize him. He's a danger to himself and to others."

They'd been having this argument since last night.

"Why are you so dedicated to killing him?"

"Raiden."

The name alone brought back memories they'd rather forget, of carnage that had been stopped only when the man had been cornered and shot dead. It had taken a lot of work to keep his background out of the papers. Raiden had not been the best. The man they were discussing now had been the best until his breakdown and there had been no one since who equaled him. If they could keep him sane, and alive, it would be a victory for their program.

"Kenshin seems to be able to hold it together longer."

"That apartment didn't look like it."

"He went back there today and took some things. He and the girl."

No one had a response to that.

"He didn't bring her there huh?"

"No. More than likely he's at her place."

"More than likely he's gonna kill her."

"I'm with Maita on this one. Let's see how it plays out. We'll keep surveillance to a minimum, and we can always talk to Sano about what's going on that we can't see."

"Of course sir," Hideki said his face beet red.

Once he and Maita were out of their boss's office he turned to her, rage changing his features.

"You win again Maita," he spit at her.

"I wish I felt good about it Hideki."

Her demeanor took the wind out of his sails.

"I wish we could control this better. I wish I wasn't so afraid for the girl. From all I can tell she's young, barely twenty, and she's never had a serious boyfriend."

Hideki knew the code words for virgin and he shook his head.

"We placed cameras inside, we'll have twenty four seven observation on her."

"And when he still…"

"I don't know Hideki. I don't know. We have to give him a chance."

"No we don't Maita, and I think we will end up killing him."

Once in her office Ayame turned off the lights and closed the door, putting her feet up on her desk. She was the lead psychiatrist for Himura, and as such she was under the gun by more senior male psychiatrists who thought she was being too soft on him. Too soft meant they thought that like many women she wanted to sleep with him. Nothing could be farther from the truth. She had a steady, a man who was an artist and who kept her sane after dealing with the insane world she lived in. Himura was not far above an animal as far as she was concerned, but he was human, and as a human it was possible for him to redeem himself, to learn to control the part of him that killed with no mercy and no second thought. That was what she wanted, not him between her legs.

She sat up and turned on her CD player, the sounds of traditional Japanese music filling the air. A short break and she was on to her other case where she was backup on another manslayer who seemed to have much more control than Kenshin, and that scared her.

Kaoru couldn't believe the time. The day had flown by punctuated with one crisis after another; equipment failure at the gym, three new members, and then at the dojo a new boy was brought in by the local social worker. Yahiko had cursed her out, tried to pick a fight with Sano, and then began to fight with one of the students, who promptly had him on his ass.

That started another round of cursing and when Sano was ready to tell the social worker to forget it Yahiko had stopped, staring towards the back. Kenshin was standing there quietly watching, his amethyst eyes glued on the boy.

"You are being very disrespectful that you are," he said quietly.

"Who do you…?"

"I think you should apologize to MissKaoruand Sanosuke," Kenshin continued, his eyes never leaving the boys face.

"Make me you bastard…"

Even now Kaoru couldn't believe the speed with which Kenshin had moved, and she stopped to think about it, her eyes fixed on a point in space. Speed like that couldn't, shouldn't belong to a human being.

Yahiko, once he'd been able to use his arm, had said he would come only if he could work with Kenshin.

"Miss Kaoru runs the dojo punk," Sano said grabbing the boy by the scruff of his neck.

"She will tell you who you'll work with."

Kenshin stood watching, his large eyes bright, and Kaoru made a decision she hoped she didn't regret.

"If it's all right with Kenshin, I don't have a problem with it."

Three sets of eyes waited for Kenshin's answer. When it came it was unexpected, and delivered with a smile.

"I'll do it. He has a warrior's spirit, and needs to be trained as one."

He'd worked with the boy an hour, and at the end of it the boy was doing basics, the preliminary steps to learning his craft. Kaoru taught an unusual method, a method of self-defense rather than aggression, and Kenshin knew the technique because he'd learned every other one technique of aggression and wanted one that he could use when the best offense was a defense. Now, when he'd come to a decision about his life, one that his handlers wouldn't like finding out about, he had a chance to teach it to a kid.

"So.Tomorrow after school?" Kenshin asked, aware that the other kids were watching out the corners of their eyes.

"Yeah.See ya!!"

The boy left and Kenshin left the dojo, heading for the kitchen, which was where he'd been heading when he'd heard the commotion. He was still hungry. He rummaged in the refrigerator and found enough to make a stew. He decided some tofu would be nice so he walked out the back and down the alley to where a store was located. He'd seen it the other nigh while walking with Kaoru.

"Afternoon son.How may I help you?"

"Good afternoon. I'd like some tofu please."

"Right here.Best in Tokyo."

Kenshin didn't argue and bought enough for his stew.

"You that boy whats stayin' wid Kaoru aintcha?"

"I am, yes I am sir."

"We know Kaoru since she was a kid. Watched her grow up after her mother died. That dojo was all he had, and when things went bad, well, he lost a lot of customers. Some of the gangs wanted in but he refused. When he died she kept it open. Opened the gym to make money to help out with the dojo."

Kenshin was surprised but kept it to himself. He'd wanted to hear her tell her own story.

"I'm tellin' you this 'cause you're the first man she's brought around. We may not be rich but we do know how to take care of our own."

Kenshin noticed that several of the regulars were watching him intently, their eyes not friendly in the least.

"I have no bad intention towards her sir."

"Good. Now, if you want tofu, come with me."

As usual, the best was out of sight, and Kenshin took out a couple of more yen.

"Keep it. It's for her ain't it?"

"Thank you sir."

Kenshin left, and when he got back to the dojo Kaoru was in the kitchen.

"I thought we were going out later?" she asked him as he came in.

"We are MissKaoru. I'm just hungry and wanted to cook something."

"Oh."

"That was nice what you did today for that boy."

"It was nothing. He needed a man's hand."

"That's sexist isn't it?"
"No, not really. Some spirits are stronger than others, and they only respect one stronger than theirs."

"So are you saying a woman's spirit can't be strong enough to work with a kid like Yahiko?"

"Not always MissKaoru, but sometimes, yes."

Kaoru looked at him. She was still pouting and a little annoyed at what she saw was his sexist attitude. The stew he was cooking smelled delicious.

"You can really cook."

"When you're alone a lot you learn how to cook or you starve."

"Was your mother a good cook?"

Kenshin continued to stir the stew, and Kaoru smiled.

"I mean, most men can't boil water, and you've made a stew."

"Is that the equalizer MissKaoru?"

"Why do you call me that? My name is KamiyaKaoru."

"I see. So I should call you Kamiya-chan?"

She stood up and ran her hands through her hair.

"No. Kaoru-dono is fine."

"Thank you. Would you like some? It's finished."

He set out two servings and they sat at the Japanese style table in the eating area.

"What are you going to do the rest of the day Kenshin?"

"Read. I want to go and get some books."

They continued to eat in silence.

"This is very good Kenshin."

"Thanks. I'm glad my cooking pleases you."

Finished, Kaoru picked up the plates.

"I've gotta get back to the gym."

"I know. I'll see you at closing."

She left, and Kenshin looked up at the camera set in the ceiling. It was relatively non invasive, it would only record images not voices. He shrugged on his jacket and walked back out into the alley. Yahiko needed a gi, and some slippers. And he needed a CD player. The kid reminded him a lot of when he was that age, wild, full of spirit, and no where to channel it. In middle school they'd given him something to do, something that led him to make a choice that if he had to do over, he would've told them all to go fuck themselves and that he wanted to be a teacher. But if he'd told them than he wouldn't have met Kaoru, who was threatening to take over a major part of his being. He was aware of her youth, and aware that what she felt for him might just be a crush. It was a chance he had to take though. If this didn't work his handlers wouldn't have to worry about killing him.

The streets were crowded, and he fought the tension that rose in his body, forcing himself to walk and listen. They talked about their kids, boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, baseball, politics, and religion and while he walked Kenshin listened, trying to get a feel for what normal people talked about, what they felt, how they connected with each other, especially emotionally, which was something that he'd never really done well. Kaoru had asked about his mother. She had no idea what those memories would do to him. Ayame had asked him about her too, what he remembered, what he felt, and he'd told her what to do. He hadn't cursed Kaoru, which was a good thing.

He was in front of the store he was looking for and went in.

"I need a gi."

"For yourself sir?"

"No, a boy about twelve years old."

He went on to estimate Yahiko's height and weight and paid for the outfit with the appropriate beginners sash. He also bought a pair of slippers for him to wear while practicing.

From the martial arts store he went to the electronics outlet and bought a CD player and a new cell phone, one that would be his and his alone. It had felt funny using his real name, HimuraKenshinand not one of the hundreds of aliases he had established for himself.

Walking in the crowd he had lost track of time, so when he got back to the dojo a very pissed of Sanosuke was waiting for him.

"Where the fuck have you been Himura!!? It's ten o'clock."

"Wha…Kaoru!"

He went in search of Kaoru, ending up at her apartment door. He knocked softly and when he got no response he opened the door.

Herheard her crying as soon as he entered the unlit apartment, and he followed the sound, putting the packages on her table.

She was stretched out across the bed and crying so hard her body shook. He wanted to go to her, to take her in his arms, but not trusting himself he stood at her bedside, his hands balled so tightly he was drawing blood.

"Kaoru.I'm sorry. I lost track of time. I went shopping for Yahiko, and I got the CD player and a cell phone. I was walking, and I lost track of time. We can still go…"

"Get away from me!!!" she screamed at him, lifting a tear stained red face to him.

"I said I was going to take you out, and I will. I will wait in the living room for you."

With that he turned and left her bedside, and Kaoru sat up, wiping her face. She must look like a monster she thought to herself. She had spent an hour putting on make-up for him, and combing her hair into a sexy new style with blond highlights thinking she would look older if she did that. Standing in front of her bathroom mirror looking at red swollen eyes and a puffy face she burst into fresh tears. She couldn't go anywhere with him.

He listened to her words, and then stood up.

"Then I'll go get some sushi, and some sake, and we'll have our late night here."

He was gone before she could protest, and she forced herself not to cry again. He went to the same store he'd gone to for the tofu and the owner gave him the best sake and told him where to get the sushi. Fast.

When he got back to her apartment she had set two places for them, and he smiled at her.

"I'm sorry about tonight. Maybe tomorrow…"

"Late night at the gym," she said, surprised when she saw the sake he was carrying. Just what were his intentions? She forced her fears away and smiled at him in apology.

"Oh. Well, why don't we go for lunch?" he asked, noticing she was afraid of him all of a sudden and wondering what he had done to make her afraid.

Kaoru smiled.

"I guess. We usually eat here."

"Oh. I don't want to break up your routine…"

"..but I think I can do it. It'll be nice for a change, getting out to eat in the daytime."

"What's wrong? What did I do?"

"Nothing!!I mean, sake?"

"What about it?"

He had forgotten she was young and not someone sent to spy on him. She probably only drank sake at family get togethers.

"It's just second nature for me. We don't have to drink it tonight if you don't want to."

"I had gotten some soda for us. I guess that's really juvenile huh?"

"No, it's fine. I want you to be comfortable Kaoru"

He sat down and she followed, watching as he opened the containers and digging in right along with him. The candle light she'd used made the mood very romantic.

"You must think I'm a kid"

He looked up at her, seeing that she was still upset about the sake.

"I guess I'm over reacting. I mean you are an older guy, and I guess the women you go out with drink routinely."

"I'm not ancient. I guess everyone thinks girls today are so fast…"

"I know. I wasn't raised to be…"

"You were well loved, and you had a mission in life. A lot of people your age would've said screw it and gone on about their business that they would've."

"I like when you do that," Kaoru said.
"What?"

"Add that little thing you do at the end of sentences. 'That they would've'."

"Oh. It's something I've always done. I guess it's like this birthmark on my face. I don't know where it comes from."

"I guess it's like me and the dojo. It's all I've ever wanted to do. I've been tempted to get a job, a real job, but something just keeps me here."

He didn't answer, pouring himself some of the soda.

"You have friends here, people who care about you. Don't give that up Kaoru."

"I know you won't stay here," she said, voicing her deepest fear as she shoved another piece of sushi in her mouth.

"Why do you say that?"

"I mean, that was a palace you were living in. All I can offer you here is an attic room. I guess you're used to fancy women with expensive clothes who drink wine…"

"…and sake."

They both laughed, and Kenshin sat back, looking at her. How old was she? Nineteen? Twenty? He was twenty eight years old and light years away from her experience. He'd been taught to seduce and bed women at seventeen. He liked Kaoru now, and that seemed to be keeping his lust in check. But in order to win her, really win her, he had to give up some of the truth, some of what he'd been. It wasn't fair to have her fall for a lie.

"No matter how beautiful it is a jail is still a jail Kaoru."

"I don't understand. Why were you in jail? Did you kill people? They said you were a skilled liar and a murderer."

"I've killed so many people…"

"How, I mean why?"

"Some of the things you see in spy movies are true. I was an assassin."

"So why the jail?"

He looked at her, seeing she wanted to believe in him, seeing that she wanted to see light where there was only darkness. He so wanted her to be the light, but he had to tell her the truth.

"I did a job. The last job I did. There was a baby…"

Kaoru instinctively reached out and took his hand, feeling the calluses there, feeling the tension in his body as he spoke.

"When I came to I was in a psychiatric hospital. They said they found me wandering in my underwear on a road near Yokohama. I don't remember much about that time Kaoru but I swore I wouldn't kill anymore. I swore it on sacred objects."

"Do they want you to kill again?"

"If I was 'better' in their jargon, probably.I don't want to, I can't think about doing that again."

He looked down at her hand in his and gently removed it.

"I'm a monster Kaoru. I'm trying to become normal, trying to be like the people in this area who hate what they have to do but have family, friends, and people to support them. There are times when I black out…I should go Kaoru. You'll find someone who is normal, who goes to work and keeps the holidays, who will love you and not bring darkness into your life."

"Did they train you to know what's best for everyone too Kenshin?" Kaoru snapped, and he gasped, staring at her in shock.

"I have worked so hard to do what's right. It's like all of my decisions were made for me before I was born. If you leave now what about Yahiko? Will he end up like you, cold and alone, dead inside? You know that existence but he doesn't have to. Stay. Stay as long as you want to.."

"You don't know what you're asking of yourself…"

"Then let me find out!! Don't tell me what you think I should want!!"

"I could hurt you…"

"I know martial arts Kenshin. I'd put up a damn good fight!!"

Despite himself he laughed, the first real laugh for him in gods knew how long.

"I can't convince you otherwise huh?"

"Nope."

"Okay. For a while."

"Good. Now that's settled. More soda?"

"Of course."

When the finished eating he picked up the empty containers and took them outside. Kaoru stood watching at the door, watching how he moved, so

Quietly, as if he barely disturbed the air as he moved. They came back in together, and he stood close to her, but not close enough Kaoru thought to herself. He smelled good, like the forest, and she unconsciously leaned into him. When his arm went around her waist and pulled her into a kiss she almost fainted, overcome with the tenderness, the promise his mouth gave her. His tongue gently probed her lips and she opened to him, his kisses intensifying as they went on. She felt him begin to become aroused, and decided she would let things happen. What she didn't expect was for him to stiffen and pull away from her embrace.

"I'm sorry Kaoru. That shouldn't have happened."

"Kenshin…"

"I'm not for you Kaoru. Please don't make this harder than it is."

He turned and left, heading upstairs to his room. The sound of his door closing echoed in the silence, and she wondered just how such a beautiful evening could have turned to ashes.

There was nothing left for her to do in the kitchen, and she looked at the bottle of sake still sitting on the table unopened. She touched her lips, closing her eyes remembering the sweetness of his mouth, the taste of him.

"Kenshin," she said softly, looking upstairs to where he was probably packing to leave.

"Am I so unattractive?" she thought to herself, again seeing images of the type of woman he would probably be attracted to. She had just closed her bedroom door behind her when she heard him coming downstairs. She yanked the door open and their eyes met. He was dressed to go out, and his eyes were not the soft purple ones she'd been looking into during dinner.

"Go to sleep Kaoru."

"Kenshin…"

"Go to sleep. I'll be back."

"Where are you going?!"

A million replies came to mind, including the most direct, that he was going to pay for what he wouldn't take from her, but he bit the reply back.

"Out Kaoru.Just out."

If only she knew how hard this was…

Kaoru dropped her head.

"Good Night Kenshin."

"Good Night Kaoru."