Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ The Kenshin Parody, Book 1 ❯ Chapter 2

A few hours later, Kelly was still running through the semi-darkness. She was lost.

"Goddamn Afghanistan! Where in the shit am I?"

The woods were quiet, except for the random call of animals. Kelly cringed when she heard the nearby howl of a wolf. Then she nearly wet herself when she heard the chatter of a raccoon. She could take it no longer. She started to run, that is, until she hit something and fell down.

"Hey why don't you watch where you're going?" said a young male voice from above her.

"Ack! Please don't hurt me!" Kelly said, putting her hands over her face in defense.

She peeked through her hands and saw what appeared to be a little boy. "Tsk. It's only a kid. Hey, you better get out of here. I'm running from the po-lice. You don't wanna mess with me. I'm an outlaw." she said, standing up and trying to sound menacing. The kid was not impressed.

"Hey Sano! Come get a load of this!" yelled the kid.

"W-wait. Sano? Hey, no need to get your friends involved. No one else should know I'm here. I'm a dangerous outlaw I tell you!" explained Kelly, her voice shaking slighty, "You can tell your friend to go away. Or else..."

"Or else what?" asked a gruff male voice from the darkness, "Yahiko, who's that?"

"Some crazy girl," replied Yahiko, laughing, "She thinks she can hurt me."

Kelly said the first thing that came to mind when she saw the silhouette of Sano, seeing only his spiky hair. "Oh my God! It's a chicken! A giant goddamn chicken!"

"Chicken?" Sano looked at her evilly, "You better have a good goddamn reason for callin' me a chicken."

"Oh, you're a man," said Kelly, breathing a sigh of relief, "For a minute there I thought you were a 6 foot, man-eating chicken or some shit. Whew. That was scary. You really need a new hair-do. I mean....." Kelly faded off when she saw the man's glare. "Anyways, I think I'll be going..." She turned to leave, but ran smack dab into the same police officer from before.

"You have to come with me to jail. Your friend is waiting. You must pay for your crime. Crushed fruit is nothing to overlook," he said, noticing Sano and Yahiko watching from a few feet away.

"Oi Wolf, what was her crime exactly?" asked Sano, talking through the fish bone in his mouth.

"None of your concern, chicken." replied the Police Officer.

"Bwah! He called you a chicken too!" laughed Kelly, stopping when she felt someone tug her backwards. She was bodily dragged by the man to the jail cell. He unceremoniously hurled her through the cell door, slamming it shut. Kelly stood up and held onto the bars, yelling, "Hey! What the shit! Lemme outta here or else I'll..I'll...well, I'll scream! AAAAHHHHHH!!"

"Oh, hello friend," said a voice from behind her. It was Jenny, or what appeared to be a broken shell of Jenny. She had dark circles under her eyes and her hair was a complete mess. "How's it going, Captain Ditchy?"

"You look like shit." said Kelly, stating the obvious, "And...um..about that..I was gonna come back and you see..what had happened was..." Kelly trailed off, "I was just trying to think of a way to get you out!"

"Uh huh, sure you were wench meister!" yelled Jenny, pointing the cruel finger of accusation at Kelly. Kelly cringed in fear and utter horror, "I've been harassed by more cock-eyed, stankity smellin' men then you could shake an ass at! Did I mention that they don't let you have potty breaks up in here? Think about that for a second, will ya?!"

"Ewwwww assss!" yelled Kelly, "Unclean! Unclean!" She made a cross with her fingers and held it before Jenny, who looked more than unhappy with the current situation.

"Hey babes," called a particulary ugly fellow from the opposite cell, "Wanna have a good time with a real man after we get outta here?"

"Um..yeah. Shaddup and siddown," yelled Kelly,"I'm a wanted woman. Don't mess with me, mofo."

"Haha! Outlaw eh?" called another guy, "That fruit you messed up musta regretted ever crossing your path. Melon murderer!"

This caused all the other men in the surrounding cells to laugh hysterically.

"Oh great Jenny," said Kelly, throwing her hands down in frustration, "See what you did?"

"What I did?!" said Jenny, looking at Kelly all crazy.

"Well, it's not my fault you got caught! Besides, you were the one that was getting all in a tizzy over the no TV thing! Don't blame me for your stupidity!" yelled Kelly, kicking the hay mat in the room angrily.

"Aww, that's it!" yelled Jenny who proceeded to mollywhop the holy rhinoceros outta Kelly, who screamed like a little girl.

"Cut it out!" screeched Kelly, flapping her arms right on back at Jenny, "Stop it! Are you insane! We're in enough goddamn...ow...trouble...hey! owie!...already!"

"You go girl!" called a random man.

Another man started to urge the fighting girl's onward, causing an uproar in the prison.

"Go bigheaded girl! Bite her!"

"Whew! Look at 'em go! Punch her! That's it!"

"Meeeeow! Cat fight!"

"Hey, why pay to see women wrestle when you can see it for free in the slammer?"

"Woohoo!" they yelled, passing popcorn around and taking bets.

"You bitch! Let go of my hair dammit!" yelled Jenny in pain. She tried to get free from Kelly, but that weren't happening. Kelly picked up the hay mat that they had been sitting on and began to pummel Jenny with it.

"That's dirty!" cried Jenny, covering her face from the moldy hay that was falling all around her, "Remember when I told you about the no potty thing? Think about that for a sec."

Kelly dropped the mat like it was an obese, crusty, stinky brit. "Oh dear lord, you have serious issues Jenny!"

"Haha! You fool!" laughed Jenny, grabbing Kelly and smacking her head into the bars repeatedly.

"Oooohh," grimaced one of the prisioners, "Right in the coconut!"

"Ow! Hey that hurts!" whined Kelly. Jenny grabbed her head again and gave her a patented noogie to end all noogies.

"No fair!"

"Oh, and beating me with a smelly old mat is fair?" asked Jenny, trying to get a better hold on her enemy.

A guard came ambling down the hall. "What in hell is going on here?" he exclaimed, then rushed to open the cell to break them apart.

Big mistake.

He only got his ass beat down. Jenny punched out with her right, thinking the guard was Kelly and Kelly, well; she was busy chewing on a leg that she believed to belong to Jenny.

Jenny opened her eyes, the heat of battle gone now. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. The guard lay completely unconscious on the cell's floor, missing some serious skin. Kelly was still busy chewing on the poor soul's leg, "Damn Jenny, you taste like…police guard."

"Kelly, that's not me!" yelled Jenny, pointing, "And you ate some of his leg!"

"Mmmm...." Kelly said, chewing reflectively, "Police Officer skin."

"Let's get out of here!" said Jenny, pulling Kelly to her feet. The men in the other cells called to the girl's, asking them to let them free.

"C'mon! Give me the key!"

"Yeah, we wanna go too!"

Jenny looked at Kelly and Kelly looked at the guard's keys.

"Kelly, let them go free, so they may run wild and undisturbed like the Great Canadian Moose," said Jenny, tugging pleadingly on Kelly's sleeve.

Kelly looked down at the guard and then at the pouty faces of the prisoners, "I think not. They'll prolly try to molest us or some shit. Besides, they belong here."

"Yeah..." said Jenny, "Well, let's go!"