Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ The Kenshin Parody, Book 1 ❯ Chapter 6

"Is that bastard gonna leave me strung up here all day?" whined Jenny, "I've been in here for what seems like forever!"

"It's only been 1/2 an hour," said Saito, as he walked into the room. "Bring him in!" he called.

"Why did you let Kelly go and not me?" asked Jenny, looking kinda worried because Saito was close to that damned evil switch again, "Not that I'm complaining. It's just that my idea of fun doesn't include being stretched to death in a musty room filled with vermin. No pun on you intended." She gave him a crackheaded smile.

"Heh," he sneered, "You think you're really funny don't you?"

"Well, I don't like to brag but..."

"Well, you can cut the crap anytime," said Saito, "We'll soon see if you were telling the truth or not."

"Police bastards! I oughta--" Sano was pushed into the room by two guards. One of the guards elbowed Sano in the chest to shut him up.

"Here he is Sir," said one guard, saluting.

"Good. You're dismissed," said Saito, waving the guards away. He closed the door.

"Oi, Wolf, what's this all about?!" yelled Sano.

"Ahou," said Saito, "I see you're as cocky as usual. Well, I guess you can't expect some people to change."

"What did you say?"

"You heard what I said chicken."

"Ahem...gentlemen," interrupted Jenny, "If your done with your little territory contest, can we please get back to me?"

"You are in no position to be talking to me like that little girl," said Saito, putting his face close to hers, "I suggest you just shut up. You're in enough trouble already as it is."

"And I suggest you get your face outta mine before something bad happens," warned Jenny in what she thought was her toughest voice.

"And what would a little girl like you do against me?" asked Saito, not budging.

"This!" yelled Jenny. She spit dead in his eye. Jenny's just full of brains today, isn't she?

Saito backed away, cursing and trying to wipe his eye clean, "Oh, you'll pay for that."

"I warned you bu--OW OW OW OW OW!! Was it necessary to hit it THAT many times?!" cried Jenny, looking like Gumby.

"Hey, why don't you pick on someone your own size Wolf?" asked Sano, "I didn't think that picking on defenseless girls was something that the Shinsen Gumi did, but you just proved to me what cowardly, unhonorable bastards you really are."

"What?!" Saito snarled, his eyes glowing, "I'd have no problem killing a moron like you."

"Let's see you try it!" Sano got up and cracked his knuckles.

Saito tossed his police jacket aside and stepped towards Sano.

"I wish I could enjoy this but I'm in paaaain!!" whined Jenny, watching the fight that was taking place before her. She saw her trusty rat, Skippy, in the corner chewing on some unidentifiable object. "Hey! Skippy! Help a brotha out!"

The rat looked up at Jenny.

"Yeah! It's me, Jenny. Remember me?" she asked.

The rat, scary as it may sound, nodded in reply.

"Good, good," whispered Jenny, "Now be a pal and help me!"

Skippy ran up onto Jenny and squatted on her chest, looking at her with it's beady little eyes.

Jenny smiled, but her smile soon faded when she saw that the rat looked damn evil. It started to drool like it was hungry and shit.

"No! No!!" screamed Jenny, as the rat lunged at her. It started to chew her arm, "Rabies!! EEK!! Hey!! Help me!" But her cries went unheeded, the two men still in the process of duking it out.

"Little help here?!" yelled Jenny, trying to blow the offending rat away from her face. "Wheeeeeew, wheeeeeeew! Go away little demon!"

"Hey, hey Jenny," whispered a voice.

Jenny looked at the rat strangely for a moment, "Did you say something Skippy?" asked Jenny, her eyes wide with wonder and amazement.

"You fucking ditz!" continued the voice, "For Christ's sake Jenny! Did you actually think that the damn rat said something to you?"

"Why are you saying these mean things to me?" cried Jenny, still looking at the rodent, "I taught you all you know about racing!!"

A random pebble was flung at Jenny from the direction of the conveniently open window right next to her.

"Ouch! Hey, who the hell's throwin' shit? It hit me in the forehead! Sano, you bastard! I saw you!"

Sano froze, and Saito took advantage of the opportunity to deck the hell out of Chicken-man.

"As weak as ever, letting a little girl distract you," said Saito.

"Can't help it if I'm beautiful," Jenny said, batting her eyelashes.

"Didn't I tell you before to shut up? Repeatedly, I might add," said Saito, looking evilly at Jenny.

"Yessir." All of a sudden, Jenny felt a tugging on the leather straps. They loosened and Jenny slid to the floor, like a limp ape-armed noodle.

"Hey, hooker. Get your Mighty Joe Young lookin' ass up here!" Jenny looked up and saw Kelly's head pokin' in through the window.

"Come on, jerk," Kelly snapped. Jenny started to crawl up the rack. She stuck her foot through the window.

"Goober, if you're gonna do that, turn upside down and I'll pull your feet through."

"And I'm supposed to believe that?" Jenny asked skeptically, but did it anyways.

Kelly pulled on Jenny's feet. "Woohoo! I'm getting out of here at the speed of hey lookit me I'm escapin'!" Jenny shouted. Saito turned away from the pile of Sano at his feet.

"What's going on over here?" he asked, and saw Jenny waving at him from the window.

"You didn't see me," Jenny said, winking. She put her arms down to her sides and Kelly pulled some more. Jenny looked back, "Hey, watch my pants. You still there? Hello?" Jenny asked when Kelly stopped pulling.

"You're stuck."

"What do you mean I'm stuck?"

"Your goddamn bowling ball head is stuck!" Kelly shouted, trying not to laugh.

"Um yeah. Well, get me unstuck cuz Saito's comin' over here and he ain't happy."

"I can't believe you would try to get away from me," Saito said, coming closer. "You really are stupid!" He grabbed Jenny's hair and started to yank that shit.

"Oh dear lord it hurts! For the love of all that's good and Kenshin, stop pulling on me!"

Saito let go of Jenny's hair at the mention of Kenshin. Jenny flew out the window. ::POP!::

"Yeehaaaaa! I can see my house from here!"

"No you can't!" Kelly said, looking down at Jenny. "Ack! Saito's crawlin' through the damn window! Run like hell!!"

Both girls started to run into the forest, down a backwoods road, and over a river.

"Over the river and through the woods, to Kenshin's house we go!" Jenny sang happily.

"Would you be quiet! This is no time to--BOW! What the hell did I run into? Damn brick house!"

"Looks like Count Dracula from this angle. Blah, blahblah!" laughed Jenny, rolling around in the dirt. Her pants ripped even more.

Kelly turned around and yelled, "I see London, I see France, cover up them goddamn underpants! Unclean! Unclean!"

"Well, it's your fault they ripped in the first place, pulling me through a damn window, instead of saving me like a real man."

"Yeah, anyways," Kelly said, turning back to the road. "Hey, you! Yeah, the big yeti looking mofo in my damn way. You wanna move your big elephantine ass outta the way?"

"Kelly, um...he's kinda big. Bigger'n Saito..." Jenny said nervously.

"I don't really give a flying penguin how big he is. I'm not in a good mood. First we get transported to goddamn Afghanistan. Then we get arrested. TWICE! You start smokin', we get drunk, I steal a sword, you get tortured, I give it back, you get thrown into the mud, I get interrogated by a chain smokin' psychopath, a damn chicken-man scared the shizam outta me, and now this...this big Attila the Hun Mongolian, count chocula lookin', wallaby munchin', man-handlin' Santa Claus look-alike is gonna get in my way? Oh heeeeeeelll naww!" snapped Kelly.

The man slowly turned around.

"Yeah, that's right; you better look at me when I'm proclamating about your mobile home lookin' ass!"

The man was now fully facing the two girls.

"Oh...oooooh, I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Hiko. It was all her," Kelly said, pointing her thumb at Jenny, who was in total shock.

"Hiiiii...kooo. Hohhoohhoooo. Oh my anime! Hey hey, if you wanna punish us, we'll understand," said Jenny.

"Filthy wenches. How do you know my name?"

"Oh yeah, I'm filthy, cuz damn, I've been thinkin' unclean thoughts ALL DAY!" said Jenny. "I believe a spanking is in order here." Jenny turned around.

"Face me!" Hiko ordered angrily.

"Yessir!" the girls chorused, and stood at attention.

Hiko pulled his sword. "Might I add, sir, that you are one hot mofo, sir!" Jenny said, saluting.

Hiko swung his sword and cut down a nearby tree, hoping to scare the two girls.

Bad idea.

"Woohoo! That was awesome! Do it again! Do it again! Did you see his shoulder muscles ripple when he did that? Holy shit, I thought I was gonna die!" Jenny shouted happily.

Hiko raised an eyebrow, and then swung his sword between the two girls.

"Hey, it's not as drafty anymore. Holy ass! My pants have been fixed! Thank you Hiko!" Jenny said.

"I've always wanted my own fan club. Why don't you two follow me."

"No problem there, right Kelly? Kelly?"

Kelly's jaw was on the floor, and a steady stream of drool was coming out of the corner of her mouth. "Agahgahghghh, Hiko-age."

The three people walked off into the distance.