Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ The Kenshin Parody, Book 1 ❯ Chapter 9

2 hours later...

"I actually feel clean. What are we going to do about clothes, though?" Jenny asked, sitting in the middle of a pond, dirt and hair free. Kelly sat next to her, shivering.

"Little help, please!! Hey, guys!! Can you get us some clothes?" Kelly shouted to the two men, who were seated far away, and upwind.

"No," Hiko said. "No fan club of Hiko's is gonna have hair like that."

"We're clean-shaven!" Kelly shouted again.

"Hey, what about where we're gonna sleep?" Jenny asked.

"Figure it out," Saito said, wringing out his police coat.

"Bastard," Jenny muttered.

"I heard that," Saito said, then tossed some clothes in their general direction, which landed on the shore.

"PUNK!!"

"JERK!!!"

"I heard that too."

Kelly flipped him off. "Didja hear this?"

"What about it?"

Kelly rolled her eyes. "It means 'fuck you'!" she shouted.

Saito and Hiko walked away, leaving the two girls to fend for themselves. It was starting to get dark, and the girls were shivering raisins in the freezing pond.

"Way to go, Kelly. Clap Clap. Way to piss off the men folk. Now how are we going to get our clothes?"

"Magic, dork. Use your own two feet and walk out to get our clothes."

"Me? I ain't gettin' shit!"

"Well, your breastasis are too close to me, so back the hell off!"

"Listen here, Chesty LaRue..."

"Look, on the count of three, we run for it. Just look straight ahead, go as fast as you can, and put dem clothes on immediately. No one will see us, it's dark.

"One..."

"Two..."

"THREE!!"

"Chicka chicka bowwow chicka chicka woow!"

"Kelly, chill with the porno music!!"

"Let the pornos begin!!"

"Shut up, Kelly!!" Jenny yelled, as she rapidly put her clothes on.

"Haaaaagckkk, waagk, eeegkkk, tooey!!"

"Whatinell was that? Sounds like a dying giraffe," Kelly said smartithly.

"I didn't need to see that," said a growly voice from their right. "I almost swallowed my fish bone."

"You saw us naked?" asked Jenny.

"Your turn!" Kelly said.

"I think not. What were you doing?" asked Sanosuke, a look of total disgust on his face.

"Taking a bath."

"In a public pond? Never mind. I don't want to know," he said, putting his hands in his pockets and walking away.

"Hey, hey, wait a sec. Don't leave yet. We don't have a place to stay for the night. Saito and Hiko ditched us because we made them barf!" Jenny said plaintively.

Sano stopped in his tracks at the mention of Saito making an ass of himself. "Oi! I gotta hear this. Come on."

"Woohoo!!" they said together.

"Lemme get this straight," Sano said, pinching the bridge of his nose, "You two went out with Saito and Hiko and you got *hair* in their tea?"

"Sake. It was hair in their sake. Except it was tea for Saito," said Kelly.

"Yeah, and we didn't exactly go out with them. Hehehe. We just kinda tagged along. And then they left us cold and nekkid in the middle of that pond," finished Jenny.

"I suppose you expect me to let you stay here?" Sano asked.

"Well, yeah. Unless you wanna take us back to Kaoru's house," said Kelly.

"Oh my God! Kelly, we got a problem! My CD player is missing! And it had my Rurouni Kenshin best song collection 2 in it! I bet I dropped it at the jail!"

"So what are you trying to say?"

"We gotta go back. We gotta go back...to the Saito!"

"ARE YOU INSANE?!?! That man will fuck us up on sight!"

"Hehehehehehehehe, Sight-oooooo. Heeeheee!"

"Okay, no."

"I just wanna go back for my CD player! Come on, that CD was expensive, I can't afford to buy another one! You know Anime Guy prolly won't even have another one!"

"Damn ape-man. Okay, how about we go tomorrow night. This has been a looooooong mutha-fuckin day. I just wanna go to sleep," said Kelly.

"I guess. Sano, can we sleep here for tonight? I don't mind sharing a bed with you, and I promise we'll be out of your hair by next week at the latest," said Jenny, looking up at Sano with puppy Jen-Jen eyes.

"Sure, you can stay here, but you'll have to sleep outside!" he said, pushing them out and slamming the door.

"This some bullshit here," said Kelly.

"Ain't this a bitch? This shit is wrawng."

So, Jenny and Kelly spent the night fending for their lives in the rough ruffian row. In the morning, they woke up, as people usually do.

"Ahhhh, that was the worst night ever!" cried Kelly, rubbing the back of her neck.

Beside her Jenny sat up and cracked her neck, "That jerk! Later on we gotta find some eggs."

"Why?"

"To fuck up his house, that's why dammit! Now let's go and get my Saito, I mean CD player!"

A few hours later, the two managed to find their way to the police station once again. Jenny started up the front steps, a determined expression on her face. Kelly pulled her back.

"What the hell you doin'? We can't just walk up in there!" said Kelly, talking like the black lady from Ghostbusters, "We need some sort of disguise otherwise Saito will kill us!"

"Mmmm...Saito," said Jenny, a dreamy expression on her face. Kelly slapped her and brought her out of Saitoland.

"Ok, here's the plan, I'm Kaoru and you're Jin-e."

"What?? I don't wanna be him! He's the biggest Gambit ripoff since...Gambit!" cried Jenny.

"Too bad! Now get Cajun bitch!" Kelly yelled back, pulling her hair into a Kaoru-like ponytail.

Jenny groaned pulled out a deck of cards, "I'm done. Am I Jin-e or what?"

Kelly looked her over, "Perfect. Let's go. If anyone asks who we are, just use your fake name. Got it?"

"Yeah. When people say got it, ask for their fake name," replied Jenny, not paying much attention.

"No no no!" Kelly said, about ready to bust Jenny's head to the white meat, "Ahhh, forget it. Just play it coo'!"

"What do you mean play? My mom says that I'm the coolest kid on the block..."

"Yo' mama lied to you!"

"Hey--"

"Shaddup now, let's go."

'Kaoru' and 'Jin-e' walked up the front steps together and pushed open the door to the police station. A couple of people gave them odd looks, but for the most part, they seemed to fit in just fine, or so they thought.

"Um, yes," started 'Kaoru', talking to the first police officer she saw, "I am Kamiya Kaoru and I lost something here yesterday."

"Oh yeah? And what was that?" he replied, busily looking through some papers, "I ain't never seen you here before."

"Well, I was here and I want my possession returned to me, right Jin-e? Jin-e??" Kelly turned around but Jenny wasn't behind her anymore, "What the fuck?! You bitch!"

"Excuse me miss," the police officer interrupted, "Please watch your language!"

"Watch me fuck you up if you talk to me like that again!" Kelly yelled.

The officer readied his cuffs...