Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ The Kenshin Parody, Book 1 ❯ Chapter 12

Between Kelly's dancing and Jenny's constant questions, Saito was getting a bit annoyed. But since he really couldn't do anything about it, he decided that he'd stick it out. Besides, it wasn't that much farther to Kyoto. How much longer could these two stay awake?

Sure enough, both girls suddenly dropped off. Kelly was snoring softly and moving her fingers like she was playing with something. Jenny on the other hand was an entirely different story.

"Mmmm....snkxxnsknk...smacksmack...zzzzzknk...who said that you could touch that...mmmm...snknzzz...who told you to stop...mmmm....oh....uh oh..."

Kelly's head popped up sleepily and looked at Saito, who glanced at her, then looked back at Jenny.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....ohohohohohohohohoho!"

"JENNY!" both Saito and Kelly yelled at once. Jenny sat up with a jerk.

"Aw, I was havin' a good dream about...hell, two dollars if you can guess who was in it," Jenny said, winking at Saito. He rolled his eyes.

"Wake up now. We're almost there."

"AOSHI-SAMA!!" Kelly shouted.

"NAKED SAITO!" shouted Jenny, lunging at him for no reason. He booted her. Twice. Hard I might add.

Kyoto loomed ever closer in the distance. All three watched, as Jenny reassumed the luscious ass grabbing position once again.

"Hey! 'Ju grab Saito's ass?" Kelly asked Jenny.

"As a matter o' fact..." Jenny looked down at her hand, "Yes. I grabbed the bastard's ass."

Saito stalked ahead, about an entire city block ahead, while the girls tried to maneuver themselves through Kyoto's crowded streets, trying to keep him in their sights.

"You think he's upset about something?" Jenny asked, pushing past an old woman, "Maybe the ass grabbing thing was a bit too much."

"You think?" cried Kelly, "I personally can't wait for him to kick your ass!"

"I can't either!" came the sick and disturbing reply.

Kelly simply shook her head sadly. "Hey, I think that's the Aoiya up ahead. Saito's stopping."

"Aoiya? They should call it the "O YEAH!" Goddamn Aoshi in tha house!" cried Jenny.

When the two reached the building, Saito already appeared to be talking to someone at the front door. He saw them approaching and waved them over, "Here's where you'll be staying."

"Are you stayin--" Before Jenny could ask him a damn thing, he ran away, a trail of dust left in his wake.

"Ja-erk!" yelled Jenny, shaking her fist at the retreating Saito dot in the far distance, "He didn't even say goodbye to his wife! When I get my hands on that ass...there's gonna be some futons moving up in this mutha fucka!"

A woman came out of the front door stopping before the girls, "Hello. Welcome to the Aoiya. Please." She gestured for them to enter, "Everyone's excited to meet you. Saito-san tells me that you're not from around here."

"Hell naw we aint!" Kelly looked all insulted and shit, "Don't you ever say that again!"

"Ok..."

"This whole damn land is a Marvel Comics rip-off," said Jenny, "Gambit looking ass."

"Anyways, Aoshi-sama would like to meet with the two of you. This way please," the woman said, leading them into an office, "He'll be here in a moment or two. Do you mind if I leave you alone? I left something in the oven."

"No, you go on ahead," Kelly said, sitting her ass down on the large wooden desk in the center of the room.

"Yes....leave..." said Jenny shiftily.

The woman was sort of startled by Jenny's fiendish hand rubbing and mischievous grin, but she didn't want her bread to burn. She left the room hurriedly.

"Ahh, alone at last," sighed Kelly, "Heyhey, do you smell something in here?"

Jenny was busy lifting some items like a thief in K-mart, "Whatever do you mean? The bread smell?" She tried to fit a large plant into her pocket, but gave up after several attempts.

"No no no," Kelly shook her head, "I can't put my finger on it, but...I know

I've smelled this odor before. It's strangely familiar ...and beautiful."

Jenny gave her a cock eyed look, "I ain't no dyke, dawg."

"Shaddup," cried Kelly, chucking a book at Jenny's spherical cranium. On impact it made a hollow sound. She didn't seem to notice.

Kelly got up and began to sniff everything, like some sort of demented smelling hound. She smelled the entire desk, the walls, and even part of the floor, "It sort of smells like sexy psychopath over here," she called, not noticing the boot she had her nose touching.

"Um ...Kelly..." Jenny's voice stuttered incoherently in the background, "Holy pie eating Pete!"

"What are you babbling about now?" Kelly asked, a hint of annoyance in her voice. She wasn't paying attention as her nose traveled up a pants leg, and through the woods, to grandmother's house we go. "What kind of curtain has a belt? Or a lump?"

Kelly turned a little and saw Jenny, completely passed out on the ground; a puddle of drool pooling around her hair. Kelly thought nothing of it though. Jenny was always passing out for no reason whatsoever. She continued sniffing.

"Not you again. There has to be a mistake," said the sniff-ee. Kelly froze where she was, her eyes looking up but the rest of her unmoving, "Ahhh! My Aoshi-sama!"

"Why you dirty little--!" Misao screamed as she suddenly appeared in the room. Aoshi was momentarily stunned, looking on in shocked horror at the grovelling Kelly at his feet.

Kelly was too busy paying attention to Aoshi to notice Misao coming up behind her.

Before Misao could get her skankity mountain monkey ass hands on Kelly, Jiya came in.

"Oooooooh! Misao, treat our guests with respect!"

Jenny, who had recovered from her drooling session, ran up to Jiya and started to pet his beard. "Zoboomafoo!!"

Aoshi treid to walk around Kelly, but she clamped down hard as hell on the humongous girth of his manhood.

Aoshi's eyes widened. "Get off of me!" he said, swatting at Kelly's head. She was not going to move.

Meanwhile, Jenny was cracking up. "Hell naw! I gotta try that with Saito!"

Kelly turned her head towards Jenny and said with a smile, "I don't think that's possible, I mean you saw the HUGE difference between Saito and Aoshi."

All laughter left Jenny. "Bitch."

"Whoa, whoa. I'm sure Saito's got enough for you to do that, but come on! Do you see this?" Kelly said, scooping up a pile from the floor. "The man has a giant penis!"

Aoshi started to swat at her some more. "Drop that! That's not a toy!"

"The fuck it ain't!"

"Heyeyeyeye, let's get back to Saito here."

"Aho. I left something here," said Saito, walking in.

"Ah, we were just talking about it, I mean you," Jenny stammered.

"Saito-san, I don't know how to say this, but..." Misao began.

"Kelly said you got a small penis!"

"Jenny, you hooker! I never said that!" Kelly said, still stuck to Aoshi's third leg.

"You did! You did!"

"She did! She did!" Aoshi said, putting in his two cents.

"Traitor! Here I am, giving you more than Misao's underdeveloped ass can, and this is how you treat me? I'm hurt, Aoshi-sama."

"You know, in the name of science, and my own personal enjoyment, I would like to conduct an experiment!" Jenny said, raising a finger. She made a lunge for Saito's crotch. Saito sidestepped, and Jenny flew through a wall into a large green plant.

"Umm, I think you should get that checked," Jenny said, looking at the strange thing before her.

"Saito-san, are you going to stand for that? She called your..."

"I heard."

"You did?" Kelly said, looking around for an escape route. She figured she could hide behind Aoshi.

"I did. Shinomori, would you like me to relieve you of that?"

"Saito! Noooooooooo! No yaoi!!" Jenny yelled, running back into the room and slapping his hand away from Aoshi. Kelly held on even tighter. Aoshi's face started to turn red.

"Ouch," said Aoshi.

"Am I hurting you Aoshi-sama?"

"A little. Can you please let go?"

"Nah. Sorry, nice try."

While Saito was watching the conversation, Jenny moved closer and closer, and finally reached out to grab Saito.

"What are you doing?" asked Saito, looking at her all evilly. Jenny's hand froze where it was.

"Uh, um, you looked like you needed some relieving..."

"What?"

"Well, that big load you got in your pants."

"Excuse me?" Saito said, turning pink.

"It's getting bigger!" Jenny shouted, and busted out with some popcorn and took a front row seat.

"That's enough. Kelly! Get your ass over here now!"

"Or what?" Kelly yelled from behind Aoshi.

Saito reached for his sword. But it wasn't there. "Aho. Give me my sword. I know you have it."

"What are you talking about? I wish I had your sword. C'mon, frisk me, copper!"

Saito rolled his eyes. "Okay, here I come!" he said, flapping his hands, and bouncing.

Jenny assumed 'the position': hands against the wall, ass sticking out on purpose, legs in a vee.

Saito came up, patted her once, and then WHAM!! He pushed her directly through the wall. He grabbed his sword as she fell.

"You killed Jenny! You bastard!" Kelly shouted and started the arduous task of disentangling herself from Aoshi's not inconsiderate manhood.

6 hrs later........

"Goddamn," Kelly said, getting the kinks out. "All right, I'm gonna have to go Sanosuke on your ass."

Saito gatotsu-ed her.