Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ The Sharpest Lives ❯ Chapter 5

The Sharpest Lives 5 / ??
Written by Jezz-Ra
Warnings - Not all warnings apply to all chapters. Yaoi, Lemon, Violence, Language, Angst
Disclaimer - I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, don't make money off it. Wish I did.

Archived at - anime.adultfanfiction.net, fanfiction.net, and mediaminer.org ::: Anywhere else, ask!
Questions or Comments? - Email me at megami_no_remon@hotmail.com

// blah // indicates thoughts.

A/N - This chapter probably should have been two chapters, as it came out longer than I intended...but there were no good stopping points.

Thanks so much for the reviews, guys...it makes it feel like writing this is worthwhile I don't like thinking I'm writing for just myself! =D
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Kenshin jerked awake and suffered a brief moment of disorienting panic. He couldn't open his eyes, something was covering them....where was he? Where was his sword?! He tried to sit up and his breath escaped him in a tortured gasp, even as memory slowly filtered its way into his mind.

Oh. That's right. Sano had found him and brought him to the doctor. He was likely either still in the doctor's office or in a room not far off. A hesitant exploration with his fingers revealed that he was apparently tucked into a bed.

// I probably should be resting... // he thought, relaxing slightly. His nerves were too frayed, however. He just didn't feel comfortable. He hadn't slept laying down...hell, hadn't slept in anything resembling a bed!...since he had left the dojo. Even while he was at the dojo, he tended to sleep propped against the wall with his sword across his chest. Otherwise, he just felt...vulnerable.

Deciding that he wasn't likely to get any sleep, Kenshin sat up and swung his legs off the bed. He didn't really know where it was that he planned on going or what he planned on doing, but he knew he wanted to get up. // Maybe I can find something to drink. That'd be nice. //

The redhead learned what a terrible idea it was the moment he stood up. The world seemed to reel and lurch under his feet the moment he tried to take a step, his balance completely shot. The sounds around him that he was straining to hear out of his good ear were deceptive, playing tricks on his damaged senses and completely throwing off his equilibrium. Determined despite that, Kenshin managed another couple wobbly steps before he fell with a thud.

Sano jerked awake at the thump. It was dark, being the middle of the night, but there was enough light from the moon and streetlamps shining in the window that he could more or less take stock of his surroundings. His gaze immediately darted to the other bed and noticed it to be distinctly Kenshin-less. Alarmed, his gaze jerked around until he located the downed samurai by the foot of said bed.

"Kenshin? What are you doing out of bed?" Sano was getting up almost before he was done speaking.

The redhead finished pulling himself to his knees, his hand finding the edge of the bed and holding on to it. "I...needed a drink and didn't want to wake you."

Sano hurried over and helped him up. When he was convinced that Kenshin was securely seated on the edge of the bed, he snagged a glass of water from a pitcher on the table and brought it to him. "Here."

"Thank you, Sano." Kenshin accepted the glass gratefully, although something in his mind was galled at his inability to acquire the drink for himself.

"You need to lay back down and rest, Kenshin...you're in no shape to be up and wandering around."

"I couldn't sleep."

"Yeah, well, you're going to stay in bed if I have to hold you there myself. The doctor said you needed to rest and you're going to. You always push yourself too hard."

A faint smile flickered across Kenshin's face. // You won't have to hold me down. I can't even stand long enough to find the door, let alone get out of the room. // "Not that I am not glad to see you...so to speak... or grateful for your assistance, Sano...but how did you of all people find me?"

"Fate, I guess. I've been working with a merchant company for the past couple years, sailing from port to port. We just docked here and I was heading through the market to sell a few things when I ran into some bandits leaving the pawnshop. They were discussing...the sword they tried to sell without much luck."

"My sakabatou?"

"Yeah. So I asked them nicely to hand it over and tell me where they got it, and they were more than happy to comply."

"Really..." Kenshin's expression was one of doubt.

Sano grinned. "Orrr....maybe I smashed two of them in the head and the third one panicked enough to tell me what I wanted. You might call it aggressive negotiations."

Kenshin chuckled softly. "That sounds more like you, that it does."

"So what about you? How in the hell did a motley bunch like that manage to get the best of you?"

The samurai sighed ruefully. "They set up an ambush for passers-by...made it look as if a woman and her husband had been assaulted by bandits and were injured. When I stopped to help, she told me their medical supplies were in a chest in their cart. I figured out it was a trap but managed to spring it anyways. The chest was rigged with some sort of flash-bomb that went off when I opened it."

"That's awful..." Sano scowled. "Preying on people that are nice enough to try to help..."

"Yes. After that, I'm somewhat muddled on details. I fought them off for a while but lost my balance and fell. The next thing I knew, the cart smashed me into the ground and I couldn't breathe and blacked out."

"Enter our hero, stage left. I got the cart off ya, brought you here to town, and the doctor patched you up. I don't want to get your hopes up too much, but he says as long as you take proper care of yourself you could have a complete recovery."

Kenshin smiled. "That's promising, at least."

Sano squinted at Kenshin. "So...what the hell are you doing all the way out here, anyway? How's Yahiko and Megumi and Kaoru? What about the kids?"

Kenshin cocked his head slightly to one side before offering a hesitant response. "Ayame and Suzume?"

Sano rolled his eyes. "Don't play dumb with me...""I don't know what kids you are referring to then, Sano."

"What? I would have thought you and Kaoru would have had sixteen or so by now."

Kenshin almost fell off the bed. "Oro?!....Sixteen children, Sanosuke? That's...quite impossible!"

Sano chuckled. "Alright, fine..."

Kenshin sighed softly, lightly trailing his fingertip along the rim of his glass. "I have a fairly good idea of what you assume occurred, but it is not the case. I did not wed Kaoru. I left Tokyo two years ago and have not returned since."

"Huh? What?" Sano was floored and couldn't manage a more intelligible response. "But...but you and Kaoru...she loved you, and..."

Kenshin shook his head slowly. "I know, Sano. Believe me. I know. It was because of that that I remained as long as I did. I... did not want to hurt her, and my departure inevitably would...but I could not give her what she wanted. I could not be what she wanted me to be, needed me to be. She is ... young, and innocent. I..." Kenshin sighed heavily. It was hard to voice such feelings out loud...he usually kept them to himself, buried under layers of artificial good cheer or impassivity.

Sano scowled. "Oh, I get it. You did some bad things and took some lives to ultimately save a lot of lives and to try and change things for the better. You sacrificed yourself so that other people could have a better future...and you still won't stop beating yourself up about it. You try to punish yourself by pushing away everything that might be good in your life because you don't think you deserve it."

Kenshin's tone was sharp. "Do not trivialize or try to justify my sins, Sanosuke! For the greater good or not, I took the lives of people that were also fighting for their ideals. I killed openly in fair combat, and I killed in stealth and secrecy and cold blood."

Sano frowned, his heart aching at the bitterness in Kenshin's voice. He had never heard the samurai like this - dragging snippets of Kenshin's past out of him had always been like pulling teeth. "I'm not trivializing it. But what you did...you had to. Sometimes peace requires war, and war inevitably sucks and results in death."

"How ashamed my Shishou must have been, to know that I took his teachings to become a murderer..." Kenshin sighed heavily, the angry bitterness washing from his voice. "I know...that what I did...I had to do. But that does not mean I do not feel the guilt and the pain for every life I ended."

"And it's because of that that we all care about ya, Kenshin. Do you think Kaoru or the kid or me would have hung around with you, fought for you and beside you...all those times...if we thought you were just a killer that didn't care? If you didn't care, you wouldn't hurt so much. It wouldn't eat you up inside."

Kenshin allowed the faintest smile to twitch his lips. "I think you're somehow missing the heart of this argument but you're rather difficult to argue with. You're quite stubborn, that you are."

"Damn straight I am. Besides, you made that oath and have been helping out ever since. Think of how many p--"

Kenshin cut him off, his voice quiet and pained. "I violated my oath. I broke it."

Sano stared, speechless and flabbergasted. "Wh...what? You did? When?"

The redhead ran his fingers over the cool glass in his hands. He didn't know why he was talking about all this...maybe it was the fact he had a friend with him after so long...maybe it was a result of his injuries clouding his better judgment ...he didn't know. He usually kept his inner turmoil close to his heart, locked inside where the sun couldn't shine on it, reveal him for the monster he believed himself to be. "About four and a half years ago."

"I was still around then. You didn't kill anyone that I'm aware of."

"I didn't kill anyone, no...and I still have not."

Sano scowled and rubbed at his temple. "Alright, you're confusing me, then. You vowed to never kill again and took up the sakabatou. If you didn't kill anyone, then how did you break that oath?"

Kenshin sighed softly. "The fight with Chou, the sword-collector. I broke my oath in defense of that child, Iori."

Sano frowned. "Buddy, I think you might be losin' it. Chou walked away from all that, got a government job...remember?"

"I did not end his life, but I broke my oath all the same. I was unaware that Master Shakku's last sword was a sakabatou, anything but a regular blade. I drew it and I struck with fatal intent. The fact that he did not die is irrelevant. Fully aware of my actions and their implications, I violated my oath and was going to kill him."

Sano open his mouth and then shut it again, unsure of what to say. He had never considered all the ramifications of that day...none of them had. They had simply pointed out that the sword was a sakabatou and the issue had been largely dropped.

"I also nearly violated my oath in my final training. Had the pin in my sword not been loose...and had I been physically stronger...I would have taken the life of my Shishou. The fact that I did not remains irrelevant...the strike was made with my own hand. My Shishou..." Kenshin's voice dropped off with a slight waver.

Sano frowned more deeply. Kenshin never spoke of Seijuro Hiko, his Shishou... Sano had asked once, on one of the rare occasions he had drug Kenshin away from the dojo and coerced him into a night of drinking and gambling - even if Kenshin did little of the former and none of the latter. Kenshin had been very still and quiet for a long time before answering Sano's innocent inquiry as to who had taught him how to swordfight. He had been well on his way to being drunk, but he never forgot Kenshin's response. "A lonely man with blood on his hands and pain in his heart that gave up on humanity but still had enough love left in him to care for one small, lost boy."

Sano sighed heavily. // I really will have to get him smashed sometime...see if he loosens up any. Getting him to have actual fun isn't easy, he's always so... broody. // "We both know that didn't count. Kenshin, you have to stop being so hard on yourself. Enough with all this for now, alright?" Sano plucked the glass out of the redhead's fingers and then gave him his sakabatou. "Here. Figured you might want this back."

Kenshin closed his hands firmly around the hilt. Even if he was uncertain about his ability to use it, it still felt nice to have his sword back in his hands. // Heh. Even the mighty former Battousai needs his security blanket... // The thought brought a slight smirk to his lips and a bitter chuckle to his mind. // At least my security blanket of choice actually...well... can be used for security. //

"It's about time for you to take your medicine anyhow. 'Sides, it's the middle of the night."

// Medicine?....OH! // "Sano!" Kenshin leapt to his feet and abruptly pitched forward. Sano happened to be standing right there or the redhead might have repeated his earlier performance of introducing his face to the floor. "Sano!" Kenshin dropped the sakabatou, his fingers fisting in Sano's robe urgently.

Sano blinked and helped Kenshin back to his feet, startled by the samurai's sudden urgency. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, Sano! The medicine...I had medicine with me when the bandits attacked me! It was in a small box in a satchel I had with me!"

Sano thought about it. "There wasn't anything like that that I remember from where I found you...the bandits must have taken it to sell to the pawn."

"We have to get it back! There is a sick village in trouble. I promised the man I took the medicine from I would help them. The boat was to leave in three days!"

"Well...fate really DID mean for us to bump into each other. The only ship leaving this port in that time frame is the one I came in on. It leaves tomorrow morning."

Kenshin tightened his grip, trying desperately to convey his urgency...as well as hold his unsteady balance. Even simply standing in place wasn't easy. Sano seemed solid enough, however. "We have to get that medicine back and be on that ship tomorrow morning, Sano."

"You're in no condition to -- " Sano trailed off at the look on his friend's face. He had the feeling that if he didn't say he would help Kenshin, chances were good the samurai would do all that was in his incredibly limited power to do it on his own, and then spend forever blaming himself and beating himself up for his failure. Sano seriously doubted that Kenshin would be able to walk out of the room without help. "Fine. But if the pawn doesn't have it, I don't even know where to start looking."

"I'm coming with you."

"You're NOT coming with me." Sano abruptly sat Kenshin down. The samurai looked startled, and Sano was briefly amazed at how easy it had been to push the stubborn redhead back down. "Kenshin, I won't leave you behind or run off and do something crazy. I won't try and do this myself, I promise.. But I can go to the pawnshop by myself to get what we need, and then I can go see my boss and make sure we have passage. He should let me back on."

"Why wouldn't he, if you work for him?..." Kenshin frowned.

Sano grinned somewhat sheepishly. Even if Kenshin couldn't see it, he could hear the familiar look in Sano's voice. "Well...yesterday when I brought you here I stopped by to see my boss and told him I wasn't going to be going with him anymore, because I...had things to do here." Sano belatedly made the effort to choose his words carefully, not wanting to risk bruising Kenshin's already damaged pride. In reality, he had told his boss he had a sorely injured friend that needed him, and he had to stay behind to take care of him. His boss had understood and offered to take him back on, should they meet up again in the future. Sano didn't figure, however, that Kenshin would care for the implication that he needed such tending no matter if it was true or not.

"Anyhow, I'll make sure I get that box back, get enough medicine and bandages for you to last us the trip, and I'll get us passage on the boat. I can do all that while you rest. You need your energy. Please, Kenshin?"

// And you don't want me slowing you down... ah, well. At least it makes sense. // "Yes, Sano. I'll stay here and wait. Thank you."

"Hey, don't worry about it." After making sure Kenshin was securely back in bed, Sano headed out to take care of business.