Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ The Slumbering City ❯ Advance and Retreat ( Chapter 9 )

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin does not belong to me.

AN: I do love everyone who reads and puts up with me. Thank you!!

The Slumbering City

By Indygodusk

Chapter 9: Advance and Retreat

A long, long time ago in a chapter far, far away:

Kaoru left her friends and ran into Saitou while almost being swallowed by a flight of steps. Saitou helped her … sort of… to get to the Battousai estate, but insulted her and ripped her jeans along the way. Kaoru then returned to the garden to confront Kenshin about his actions and feelings. While waiting, she became friends with a guard spell that took the form of a lilac-colored dog. Using the pool to spy on Kenshin, Kaoru saw him about to leave the mansion, but managed to call him back. He came, placed a magic dome over the garden to trap her in, they fought, wet clothing was thrown, Kaoru told Kenshin that his actions had hurt her feelings, Kenshin misunderstood and thought she was physically hurt, and forced her to drink the healing water of the fountain.

Opening her eyes languidly, she lifted her head and found Kenshin staring down into her face. As she leaned forward, spikes of his wet hair licked against her cheeks. There was something both vulnerable and ravenous in his gaze, but as soon as she moved, he blinked and it disappeared. Kaoru wondered if she'd really seen the previous emotions or only imagined them.

“Kaoru?” he questioned softly.

Amiably she replied, “Yes?”

“That morning,” she felt the vibration of his hesitant swallow, “Why did you run away?”

Fiery prickles ricocheted across the surface of her mind, akin to the feeling of moving a limb that had fallen asleep from lack of circulation. Of course, it hadn't been her arm or leg that had needed waking. It had been her purpose. Sitting there so snugly had almost made her forget the answers she still needed to discover.

Unfortunately, she had a weakness for Kenshin's touch. No, not just his touch. She knew what the real culprit was - his warmth. There was something unique about the heat given off by a man's body that no other electric or heavenly body could duplicate. And the heat given off by Kenshin's skin? It was a hundred times more potent.

What was that strange comic book from overseas called? One of the boys in her kendo class had insisted she read it last year. It had starred an alien superhero who pretended to be a news reporter when he wasn't busy saving the world in red and blue spandex. Well, whatever it had been called, she remembered that the superhero's one weakness was a glowing green rock called kryptonite.

Kenshin's fuzzy-soft body heat, his protective-warm-sleepy body heat, his dangerous, overpowering, trust-me-love-me-don't-argue body heat... that was Kaoru's kryptonite. But she still needed answers. Kaoru wasn't ready to lay bare her weaknesses of character until he had asked forgiveness for his. They needed to discuss his actions first before they even got into her running away.

So first things first - the touching had to go.

Closing her eyes, Kaoru tried to rise from the circle of Kenshin's body. However his cradling arms instantly tightened into iron bands, locking her in place. No matter how she strained, his grip didn't budge. It only tightened. Swallowing a pant, Kaoru had to glance down to make sure Kenshin's arms were still flesh and hadn't turned into actual metal.

“Kenshin,” she began, “there are other things we need to talk about.” Surely he must feel the pounding of her heart. She didn't like being restrained like this. It was making her feel trapped. Bad memories were surfacing. “Let me up.”

“Kaoru,” his voice faltered, and for a moment she thought the loosening of his hands meant he was letting her go. Instead, his body merely shifted until they were both sitting on the ground and her back was braced against his shoulder and raised knee, almost perpendicular to his torso. His movements were so smooth that by the time she recognized the opportunity it was already over.

The placement of his arms restricted any escape attempts. All she could do was curse the fact that she no longer had the leverage or room to kick, bite, or elbow his sensitive bits until he released her. Not unless she dislocated a joint first. Inky memories and dark emotions were bubbling to the top of her mind and over-riding the soporific affect of Kenshin's body warmth.

“Kaoru, what made you run away? Did something upset or frighten you?” he demanded.

He's a man. Aren't men supposed to avoid talks about feelings? Besides which, I'm here to press him to explain his feelings to me. He's not supposed to ask me to explain mine to him. I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to be trapped! Lips pressed firmly together, Kaoru stared across the garden without seeing anything. It was becoming difficult to keep her breathing even.

A sigh brushed across her cheek and she felt a brief pressure across the top of her head that might have been a kiss. “Kaoru,” Kenshin rumbled authoritatively in her ear, “we will have this conversation.”

“No, we won't,” she quite firmly denied. Despite knowing it was futile, she still arched her back and flexed her calves in an attempt to escape his hold. His arms, if possible, tightened farther around her body.

Only the sound of her labored breathing filled the clearing. Kenshin didn't repeat his question. He didn't need to. It still hovered in the air, an almost tangible weight pressing down upon her head, adding to her sense of constriction.

Curling her bare toes against the ground, one of her few body parts unfettered, Kaoru turned her head away from Kenshin and bit her lip hard. She'd learned that the pain sometimes helped her focus, but only sometimes. This time it worked.

Slowly drawing in a deep breath, Kaoru tried to bring order to the emotional monsoon in her mind. Panic. Frustration. Anger. Attraction. Fear. Embarrassment and shame at the fact that she still- but no, she didn't want to think of that.

Kaoru could feel her emotional control slipping away again. Her mouth was dry. She was starting to find it hard to breathe. Anger and pride heaved momentarily to the forefront of her mind and in desperation Kaoru grabbed at them, making them her shelter from the storm of emotions and memories.

Taking a few seconds to order her thoughts, Kaoru brought her breathing under control. In a soft but clear voice she stated coldly, “Lord Battousai, I don't want you ho-” holding me down while we talk, she meant to say, but the sharp jerk of his body startled her into looking sideways at his eyes.

Anger turned to ash on her tongue. The sheer intensity of emotion blazing from his face knocked her into a stunned silence. Kaoru swallowed.

She couldn't remember what she'd been saying or thinking. Part of her felt like a rabbit huddling between the claws of a mountain lion, seeing death in the eyes of the predator hovering above her. The other part of her mind was too busy marveling at the exotic beauty in his lethal face to realize her imminent demise.

With their faces so close, she could clearly see gold and copper flames boiling dizzily through the irises of his eyes, disturbing the whites with blasts of superheated steam. In the extreme emotions flashing from his face, the only emotion she could hesitantly identify was anger.

Yes, Kenshin looked angry. But to call it just anger would be like calling a monsoon a little sprinkle of rain. The magnitude of his emotion was such that it far surpassed her own. It trembled through the garden with a subsonic roar.

Finally Kenshin blinked, shuttering those fiery orbs momentarily from her sight and allowing Kaoru to regain part of her wits. Must he always express his emotions with such intensity? She tried to make the thought sarcastic, but it trembled in her mind between fear, awe, and curiosity. Obviously he was not happy that she wouldn't answer his question.

“Why,” he growled, “why do you once again deny me?” One of his hands came up to tightly grasp her chin. He turned her head until she was looking fully up into his face, his blazing emotion singeing the air separating their skins.

“Does my touch no longer throb through your veins? Have the whispers of magic and fate become mute?” The skin across his cheeks was drawn tight, bringing the cross-shaped scar on his left cheek into sharp relief. Seeing that mark of pain and mystery so stark upon his pale face, Kaoru forced herself to think. She was missing something here.

For some reason, Kenshin was no longer talking about her avoidance of his question. He was talking about something else, something she didn't understand. Kaoru bit her lower lip again. Of course his touch still throbbed in her veins, a deep rhythm pounding through both her magic and flesh. It hadn't stopped since he'd first touched her palm-to-palm and forced her to acknowledge it. And if those magic-borne whispers had ever shut up, did he think she'd even be here? Back in the garden where he'd been able to trap her?

Kaoru released her abused lip to try and form an answer to his questions. Yet as soon as her mouth opened, something strange flashed across his face and he started talking before she could even start. On anyone else she'd call it panic, but that didn't make sense with his anger. Kaoru was confused. She was so confused that she didn't even think to struggle free now that one less arm restrained her.

In a deep voice he demanded, “Do you think I'd give up so easily? Or,” his eyes seemed to flinch, “… or have you intentionally smothered those sparks of my soul that you possess?”

Before she could even begin to answer the absurdity of that one, Kenshin interrupted her reply. “You came back, Koi, all by yourself. You can't deny it now.”

He looked away from her face for a moment, and the surcease of magical and emotional heat let her draw in a deep breath of cool air into her dry lungs. “Before our souls bonded, you'd already acknowledged the bond of fate, of magic. You can't take it back.” He brought the searing heat of his gaze back to her face as he repeated, “you can't.”

The churning flames in his eyes suddenly morphed into slower ripples of bronze and violet. Kaoru blinked. Only then did she notice how strands of their hair had been tossing in the energy given off by his disturbed emotions, rhythmically rubbing together in red and black undulations before settling back down.

The hand firmly cupping her chin softened and stroked gently down the tensed line of her neck. Feeling the slight scrape of his calluses made her shiver. The heat of his fingers made her sigh.

She wasn't here to take back anything. Kaoru opened her mouth to tell him just that, but once again, as soon as her lips moved, Kenshin quickly began speaking over her. All the interruptions were reigniting Kaoru's feelings of anger. Huffing in frustration, she pushed back the hypnotic effect of his fingers stroking her neck and waited for an opening to speak.

“You cannot take back the bond,” Kenshin repeated as arcs of violet-bronze fanned across the black pupil of his eye, revealing for a split second a deep tunnel with something pulsing at its heart. “Stop denying what you know to be true. You are the only woman I have ever chosen, the sole mate of my magic and my heart.”

Kenshin's constant accusations of her trying to take back their bond just because she didn't want to answer a single question exasperated her. Plus he wouldn't let her defend herself. And he was ordering her around. She would wonder why she wanted to be with such an aggravating man, but the indulgent corner of her mind basking in his possessiveness wouldn't let her forget all of his other, currently non-evident fine qualities. Well, non-evident except for his luscious mouth, fine figure, and sexy voice. A sexy voice that won't shut up!

Finally, at last, he paused for longer than a second. Before he could interrupt her again, or her mind started listing his good qualities in alphabetical order, Kaoru seized her chance. “How can I deny anything when you won't let me talk! You're not making any sense. I never denied anything!” Taking a quick breath to continue her rebuttal, she found herself adding, “Besides which, you seem to be conveniently forgetting about the choosing of your first wife in this conversation.”

Kaoru wanted to bite her tongue as soon as the words slipped past her lips. Good job, Kaoru. Instead of finding out the problem, you snipe at the angry man and bring up your jealousy - jealousy over his choosing another woman who lived and died centuries before you were even born. Just brilliant.

Surprise bloomed on Kenshin's face, soon replaced by sadness as he looked over at the fountain. “I was married once... a long, long time ago. My first wife, Tomoe, will always a part of me, of my heart. I could never forget her.”

Kaoru suddenly felt very petty. Remembering the story told on the museum tour about the Lady Tomoe's death, she felt even worse. She wouldn't want a man who could easily forget someone that he'd once loved. If Kaoru herself died, she'd be very sad if she were forgotten.

Besides which, a good woman wouldn't begrudge her husband from finding happiness again with another woman after her death, or being the other woman, begrudge the first wife a place in his heart. From all accounts, the Lady Tomoe had made mistakes in her life, but had in the end been a good woman. If their situations were reversed, the Lady Tomoe would probably have accepted Kaoru graciously.

A small smile creased Kaoru's lips. She wanted to be a good woman too. Right now, she was having a little trouble finding the maturity to be completely free of jealousy, but she was young and could always pretend. Besides, she had time to develop that maturity. Time and… Kaoru looked at the earnest lines of Kenshin's face… and incentive.

“But Kaoru… I haven't lied to you. My marriage to Tomoe was a political arrangement. We didn't even know each other at first. I never chose her, although in time I grew to love her. When she…died, my heart went to sleep. It was a sleep I never expected to wake from. But now my heart has decided to wake and live once more.”

Unable to take her eyes from his face, Kaoru watched as Kenshin's tongue darted out to wet his lower lip. Gazing across the garden, he finally whispered, “Because of you. As soon as my heart sensed you, it awoke.”

Kenshin's eyes returned to Kaoru's face, but stayed unfocused. “You are the first woman I have chosen as my own. You are the woman I want in my present and my future.” He licked that lower lip again and swallowed. Kaoru realized that she was barely breathing. His warm fingers smoothed across her collarbone to rest at the base of her throat. The skin beneath his fingers tingled. “My heart cherishes you.” Kenshin's eyes cleared and focused on hers.

As if saying those words had been a release, the unnatural stillness of the garden ended. Although her eyes never left his, she could feel the unearthly wind release her hair to lie flat against her back. Slowly, the longer their eyes stayed locked, the movements of shapes and colors in his eyes stilled. After a few seconds she realized that the stationary royal purple that had diffused into his irises was there to stay.

With Kenshin's words of love still echoing in her ears, Kaoru made a split-second decision. For just a minute, she'd allow herself to forget her pride and reservations and would follow her instincts. Since the restraining arms around her body had loosened, she used her freedom to twist, rise up onto her knees, and turn into his chest. Their positions now gave Kaoru a distinct height advantage, as Kenshin was still sitting flat on the ground.

Looking down into his dark eyes tenderly, Kaoru reached over and ran her fingers gently and with great concentration down the side of his face. Her thumb soothingly traced along the lines scarring his cheek.

A shuddering sigh moved through Kenshin's entire body as his long, golden lashes slipped down to cover his eyes. Turning his face into her hand, he nuzzled her palm. His hands, however, stayed passively down by his sides. The contrast to his previous behavior was astounding.

Kaoru felt her breath catch in her throat. He seemed so vulnerable and trusting, just like an innocent child. At that moment she wanted nothing more than to protect and love the seemingly gentle soul cradling her hand to his mouth.

But he wasn't a child. Kenshin was a complex man that she was only beginning to dimly understand. Nevertheless….

Bringing her other hand up to softly cup the nape of his neck, Kaoru leaned forward and placed a light kiss on his temple. She felt the tickle of eyelashes as Kenshin opened his eyes beneath her fingers.

Shifting minutely, he gave her a mute, sideways glance. Responding to something in that silent, unshielded gaze, Kaoru leaned forward again to place a lingering kiss on his forehead. She could feel the feathering of his lashes as they once again closed. Her fingers softly rubbed through the soft hair at his nape, coaxing him to let go.

As his tense muscles relaxed, Kaoru felt more of his weight come to rest against her body. She welcomed it. Moving up, she bestowed upon the crown of his head two more delicate kisses. Then she sat back down onto her heels and gently reclaimed her hands.

“We still need to talk,” Kaoru said softly after a moment of comfortable silence, hoping her words wouldn't ruin the peaceful atmosphere.

Slowly raising his eyelashes, Kenshin shrugged his shoulders as if settling his burdens back into place. Although his eyes no longer looked like those of a child, he seemed calm and composed. His hands came to rest on his thighs, restoring an appearance of calm authority. Kaoru could feel his thumbs brushing against the outsides of her hips where she knelt, still bracketed by his thighs.

“Agreed,” he said with a nod of his head.

Nibbling on her lower lip, Kaoru tried to figure out how to word her question. She was startled when Kenshin placed his thumb against her mouth.

“What did I say about that habit of yours?” Bringing his thumb back to his mouth, he licked it slowly. Then he blew across the tip. Leaning forward, he brushed it across her battered lip. As his wet thumb dragged back across her mouth, Kaoru noted breathlessly that the stinging faded, replaced by a pleasant tingling.

Finally Kenshin leaned back with a satisfied smile on his face. After the silence had dragged on for over a minute, Kenshin prompted, “You wanted to say something?”

Giving herself a brisk shake, Kaoru said, “Yes, sorry. Kenshin...before, why did you think I was denying you and the bond?”

“Then you weren't,” he gave a relieved sigh. “So you didn't mean it.”

“No. Kenshin,” Kaoru reached up to rub at her eyes, “you're starting to not make sense again.”

“That's why,” he said.

Kaoru stared for a second. “See? Not making sense.”

“Are you saying you didn't know what you were doing?” Kenshin asked skeptically.

A cross between a sigh and a growl escaped Kaoru's mouth. “I'm saying I still don't know what you think I did to make you think whatever it was you were thinking. Wrongly.”

In the ensuing silence, Kenshin scratched his head and sent Kaoru a confused look. Kaoru clenched her fists and considered the merit of beating some sense into Kenshin. Seeing the violence darkening her features, Kenshin suddenly straightened up and began speaking.

“Alright, I think I can guess what you were trying to ask me,” Kenshin began. Kaoru's fists itched. “You called me Lord Battousai, my title. By not calling me Kenshin, I thought it meant that you were going to repudiate our association. It sounded like,” he seemed cornered, like he didn't want to admit something. Looking at the ground, he mumbled, “Like you were going to say you didn't want me, want to be with me.” Lifting his head back up, Kaoru could practically see him putting on a mask to hide his emotions. “I see now that I was wrong.”

Twining her fingers in her extraordinarily long hair, she tugged at it absently while she considered his words. He had been upset because she hadn't called him Kenshin. Not once in his ranting had that explanation even entered her mind.

Since Kaoru hadn't been able to distance herself physically, she had had to do it verbally by calling him Lord Battousai. However, he must have taken her signal of displeasure and extrapolated that she was repudiating their entire relationship.

Which she hadn't been.

Kaoru had just wanted to let him know that she was not pleased without having to spell it all out. It was simple and obvious and a woman would have gotten it. Only a man would jump to such an extreme conclusion. Or maybe only this man.

Blowing her bangs out of her face, Kaoru made a mental note to try and spell things out for him in the future… because they would have a future. She wanted that future with him. Despite all of her running, Kaoru now had a Kenshin shaped space in her heart that only he could fill. Kaoru wanted him to fill it.

From Kenshin's words, it sounded like he also had a space just for her in his heart. Of course, he didn't know everything about her past. If he really knew just how weak she was, would that change the way he felt? No, don't think about that Kaoru. Play this right and you can avoid the topic all together.

All she had to do was spell out why she was mad at him for the way he had tried to track her down. This time there weren't any injuries to get him side-tracked. Then he would apologize. She'd have to make sure he apologized for the loss of her sock too. As soon as she (casually) confirmed that he didn't need her to be a social hostess, their problems would all be over.

At that point, Kenshin would proclaim his love again. In the process, she'd give him back his gray boxers and let him check her bonding mark (just to make sure it was healing properly, of course) and then they'd start on that future. Together.

But first… “Yes, you were wrong. I'm not here to deny our bond, but,” she held up a finger in warning, “that doesn't mean that everything is decided,” Kaoru warned.

When Kenshin's arms came up to grasp her biceps, she tensed. She hadn't been expecting his movement. She was trapped again. “That's right,” he said, “you still need to tell me why you ran away.”

“Kenshin,” noting the lines bracketing his eyes relax fractionally at the use of his name, Kaoru hardened her own eyes. “I will not discuss this with you-,” Kenshin's expression became hard and relentless as he opened his mouth to protest, but Kaoru talked over his words, “sitting on your lap.”

It took Kenshin a few seconds to grasp what Kaoru had just said. “We will discuss this,” he stated unequivocally, “and you will… wait, what did you just say?”

Mentally crossing her arms in pique, she repeated her compromise. “I said that I would not discuss this with you while sitting imprisoned in your lap. Let me up.” She flexed her arms within his hands.

Warily scanning her face, Kenshin slowly relaxed his hands. “Very well, but we will discuss this and you won't run away.” Kaoru shrugged out of his grip and stood up. “Remember that you are trapped in this garden,” he warned.

Kaoru twitched. “Gee, thanks for the reminder. I mean it's so easy to forget the reason for the huge glowing honeycomb in the sky.” Marching away several steps fractiously, she spun back around with her hands on her hips. “Actually this ties in perfectly with what I wanted to talk about.”

Rising lithely to his feet, Kenshin cautiously stated, “I thought we were going to discuss why you ran away.”

“No, Kenshin, we are going to talk about you and your obsession with traps. I hate traps and you are always trying to trap me. How do you think that makes me feel?” Kaoru gulped in a breath, eager to get all her grievances out while she had the chance.

“I won't even go into the many ways you trapped me that first night we met,” Kaoru could feel the words clawing at her throat, racing to get out. “It really pisses me off that I come back to talk to you on my own as a gesture of trust, and in return you slap my gesture in the face by trapping me in this dome.”

“And having the buildings try and swallow me… the feeling of helplessness, of pressure along every inch of my skin, like cold oatmeal compressing around me tight…” Kaoru felt her thoughts flying far away from the garden, but was helpless to stop them, “tighter and heavier until I can't breathe or move and it hurts but no one can hear my screams, until I can't scream and….”

“-oru, Kaoru?”

She came back to her senses to find herself looking into Kenshin's anxious visage. It took her a moment to notice the pressure of his hands cupping her face. When he saw her eyes focusing he relaxed slightly.

“Koi, is…” his words faltered for a moment, but he firmed his lips and tried again. “Is my spell this specter that haunts your eyes? Did I do this?”

Taking a shuddering breath, she banished the quiver in her lip. Then she stepped back from Kenshin's warm fingers, trying not to notice how they trailed along her face fleetingly as she moved away. “No, your spell didn't hurt me. I escaped before it could pull me in all the way. I'm simply using my imagination to explain to you what a horrible spell it is.” Moving her eyes away from his probing gaze, she forced the looming monolith of her past to shrink back down into a mere memory.

After bringing her face back under control, Kaoru tried to remember where she'd been in her list of complaints. “Not only was that an awful spell, but you never should have gotten the police involved.” Temper reigniting as she spoke the words, Kaoru managed to once again look Kenshin in the face. It was hard to ignore the measuring look in his royal purple eyes warning her that the topic had only temporarily been dropped.

Nevertheless, she focused her energies on the problems of the here and now. “This was a problem between you and me. There was no need to involve the entire army!”

A surprised huff escaped Kenshin. “Kaoru, the city doesn't have a standing army. We only have a police force and my private guard.”

Kaoru flung her hands up, “Call it what you will, I know what I saw, and that was a never-ending stream of faces all determined to drag me back here by my hair.” The humoring look on Kenshin's face made her wish for more muddy clothing to fling at his head. “It's true! Those weren't all choirboys you sent after me. You should have seen the way that last jerk practically ripped my pants off when he-”

“What!!” Kenshin roared. “Who? I'll have his head!”

Uh oh. Kenshin's eyes had once again turned molten yellow-gold. Not a good sign. “That really didn't come out right. Calm down, Kenshin. There was no intentional clothes ripping or molestation of any kind.” Ick! Just the thought of that man touching me in any way lustful makes me want to puke. But puking will not calm Kenshin down, so focus. You can always use it as a distraction later if you need to. “The seams only ripped a little and I suppose in a twisted way... he sort of helped me. You can see for yourself that I'm fine, right? Nothing happened that I couldn't handle.”

“Tell me his name,” Kenshin demanded.

Kaoru crossed her arms stubbornly. “No.” Their eyes clashed, but Kaoru wouldn't yield. “I'll take care of that cigarette smoking bastard myself.”

Breathing heavily through his nose, Kenshin quickly turned away and strode across the garden. She couldn't see his face, only the tense set of his back and the way his fists rhythmically clenched. “Very well.” His voice sounded almost gravelly. “I won't press you anymore. I'm sure that the problem will be taken care of.”

When he walked back, his face looked marginally calmer. His eyes were still yellow, but at least they were no longer molten. Suspiciously Kaoru watched him come closer. He'd given in almost too easily. On the other hand, maybe he was just starting to get better at seeing things her way. Tossing his hair behind his shoulder, Kenshin slowly stalked closer.

Casually putting the tree between them so that he wouldn't grab her again, Kaoru thought about how convenient it was to be able to watch his moods by checking his eyes. All she had to do was learn to interpret them correctly. At each new emotion they changed in pattern and color. He had to be a horrible liar if you really knew him well.

Then again, he is a politician. He has to be used to lying successfully. That first night he didn't seem to have too much trouble pretending with Megumi. This emotional ping-pong could be something new. Maybe when his heart woke up, some of his other emotions woke up too. Could be he's just not used to dealing with them. He might mellow out after a few weeks.

Kenshin stopped by the fountain and stood casually with one hand on his hip, acting as if he hadn't just been making a beeline for her before she'd placed the tree between them. His eyes became bubbled with gray-blue. If forced, Kaoru would label it a pouty color.

Her lips quirked. Or maybe I'll just end up attached to a drama queen for the rest of my life. For some reason, that thought didn't bother her very much. At least I'll never be bored.

“Kaoru,” Kenshin began, “I can see that my tactics upset you, but you were gone. Having so many eyes looking was my best chance to get you back. However, I gave strict orders that you were not to be hurt in any way.” The brackets around his mouth tightened. “If anyone acted a little overzealous trying to help,” he stumbled over the word, as if he couldn't believe the words he'd just used to describe his anyone.

Mentally Kaoru snorted at the thought of that jerk Saitou doing anything overzealously helpful. But Kenshin doesn't know that it was Saitou, so why would he also find the description suspicious? Apprehension tightening her throat, she examined Kenshin's face, but found nothing there to confirm or deny her speculation.

Clearing his throat, Kenshin continued, “Or rather, if anyone acted inappropriately, they will be punished.”

“I already said I'd take care of that. Besides which, you are missing the point,” Kaoru said, trying to steer Kenshin back to realizing he needed to give her his abject apology. “Normally, only criminals get the police sent after them.”

Kaoru had a horrible thought and suddenly glared at Kenshin accusingly. “What if I now have a criminal record? How am I supposed to find a good job? Or secure a loan with a decent rate? I've never even had a parking ticket! Of course, I don't have a car, but I've driven other people's. You could have ruined my financial future!”

Folding his arms, Kenshin arrogantly answered, “Your future is with me. You don't need to worry about finding a job or getting a loan. I'm rich.”

An inarticulate squeal of disbelief escaped Kaoru's throat. He did not just say what I think he said.

Luckily Kenshin seemed to be fluent in the language of enraged feminine squeals, because he straightened up and suddenly looked a bit worried. “I'm sure that there is no police record.”

Kaoru could feel her eyes narrowing into angry slits as she turned her eyes towards a scan of her surroundings. Pain-giving object. WHERE?

Crouching down, she tried to pry up one of the heavy stones decorating the garden. Unfortunately, the ground was loath to give it up. Her strength or lack thereof had nothing to do with it, of course. This lack of success just further enraged her. Wrapping one hand around the trunk of the small tree, she imagined that it was Kenshin's neck. Bark crackled beneath her fingers and flaked to the ground.

The audible sound of Kenshin swallowing barely penetrated the roaring in her ears. “Just in case, I will make sure Aoshi expunges every trace of your name from any reports. There is no need to worry,” Kenshin placated nervously, taking several small step away when Kaoru turned the full force of her glare back onto him.

Looking at her seething form from the corner of his eye he added slowly, “Of course, if you wanted a job I'm sure anyone would hire you. And no bank would dare turn you down if you,” his face twisted for a moment as if he was swallowing something bitter, “if you wanted a,” he had to choke his final word out, “a loan.”

“Humph,” Kaoru grunted as she stood up. Placing her hands on her hips, she looked him up and down. “Fine,” she grumbled. “I just want it understood that what you did made me very upset.”

“I understand,” Kenshin replied.

She relaxed her stance. “As long as we're clear.”

“Yes.” Running a hand through his red-gold bangs, Kenshin considered her mutely. Finally he spoke, “I'm sorry.”

Something barely perceptible in his tone of voice made her suspicious. Or perhaps it was the cool gold sheen in his eyes. This was what she'd been waiting to hear but... “You're sorry you used the police to try and chase me down like an animal,” she confirmed.

Kenshin blinked once and then answered cautiously, “I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings and made you feel trapped.” Those assessing mountain lion eyes examined her reaction to his statement.

Kaoru stamped her foot. “That's not the same thing at all!”

Incomprehension, tinged with exasperation, flickered across his face. “I'm not going to say I'm sorry that I tried to find you. The magic paired us. We're bonded. You complete me and I complete you. We're supposed to be together. We're meant to be together.” He stepped towards her, “You know this.”

Although she heard his words, Kaoru didn't want to acknowledge that they justified what he'd done. This was not going the way she'd planned it. Kenshin didn't seem to comprehend that he'd done anything wrong.

But at least he did apologize for hurting my feelings. Crossing her arms, Kaoru tried to decide what was more important: being right or resolving the issue so they could move on. Which will make me a better person? A happier person? Short-term, the answer was easy. She'd rather be right. But long term... This is where you show how mature you can be. Just take a deep breath and move on.

Before she could say anything, however, Kenshin began pacing across the garden. Frustration filled his every gesture. “If you'd had your way, you'd be long gone, alone, and making the both of us miserable. If I hadn't been chasing you, you might never have come back.”

“Hey,” Kaoru protested, “you don't know that.” Her voice wasn't quite as confident as she'd intended it to be. Deep down, she didn't know the answers to his accusations either. Would fear have kept her from coming back?

Kaoru decided that it wasn't important. That was over and done with. She was ready to forgive him and move on to that life together that he kept demanding.

Pivoting, Kenshin turned to face her again. “I'm sorry you were unhappy about my methods, Koi, but we will be together - one way or another.” Rainbow sunlight gilded his hair, casting colored shadows along the contours of his leanly muscled body. The lines of his face were taut and his entire mien radiated intensity.

“My mind in your mind, my heart in your heart, my body tasting, touching, breathing in the secrets of your body. There is no you or me, there is only and ever us.” Kenshin had never looked more masculine and implacable than he did at that moment.

And damn it if she wasn't incredibly turned on.

Kaoru licked her dry lips. His eyes narrowed and focused on her mouth. Like a magnet, her body swayed towards Kenshin.

Before she could take a step he was there, cupping her face in his hot hands. Tilting her chin up with his thumbs, he brought his lips towards hers and stopped, only a whisper from touching her own. Hot breath tingled across her face and Kaoru knew that if she didn't get that kiss she was going to die.

Involuntarily she growled, whimpered, made some sort of demanding noise that in another time and place might have embarrassed her. But here and now, it only served to focus her need. Fisting her hands into his hair, Kaoru yanked him across that miniscule space and boldly fused their lips.

It was sugar and fire and slick flesh. His tongue swept through her mouth voraciously, claiming and possessing with every stroke. Her hands wandered down his back, up his chest, provoking a gasp from the man devouring her mouth. Smiling, Kaoru continued to explore as her tongue tangled with his. Nothing existed except his taste, his touch, and the gasped words of need, the sighs of pleasure. The need to think, to breathe, all disappeared in the conflagration of their kiss.

Only when black spots flickered behind her eyes did they release each other. Leaning limply against Kenshin's body, Kaoru panted for breath. Her fingers curled weakly against his shoulders. For several minutes they merely held each other and tried to breathe.

“And now, Koi, you are going to tell me why you ran away,” Kenshin softly commanded. His words were still breathless, revealing that she wasn't the only one affected by that kiss. “I won't be mad, I just want to understand. I can't make it better if I don't understand. Please tell me. Why?”

Lips bruised from passion, hair disheveled, Kaoru looked into his concerned face and could no longer find her resistance. “I,” she sighed and looked down at the collar of his shirt, “I heard someone talking about your… expectations in a wife.”

Her teeth crept out to nibble on the edge of her lip, but quickly released it when she felt the warning shift of Kenshin's fingers against her neck. “I am neither elegant nor schooled in social graces,” she explained. “I can't throw grand parties and host parades. I can't.”

Peeking up through her lashes at his expression, Kaoru searched for understanding. Please don't make me tell you more. Just accept the surface explanation.

Kenshin used his thumbs to tilt her face up to meet his gaze. His words were measured, “Such things are not necessary. I am sure you could learn how, but that is not required unless you wish it. There are several people I pay very well to do such things for me.”

A soft sigh puffed against her face. “As for my expectations in a wife, I've already told you all you need to know. Trappings aren't important. I don't expect or want you to change yourself to fit some imagined ideal.” His lips curved up into a small, wry smile. “My needs are simple. Just love me and stay by my side forever.”

Leaning forward, Kenshin placed a soft kiss against the left corner of her mouth. Kaoru sighed. He moved his lips to the right corner and repeated his kiss. Pulling back, he examined her mouth for a moment. Then he brought his lips to hers and rubbed back and forth along the seam of her mouth coaxingly. Her lips parted. Gently taking her lower lip into his mouth, he nibbled.

Languidly Kaoru ran her hands down the sides of his face, tunneling her fingers into his hair. She scratched her nails gently against his scalp. Kenshin released her lips. Changing the angle of his head slightly, he kissed her again: once, twice, thrice - soft, sweet kisses that trembled slightly on her mouth.

Then he leaned his forehead against hers and huskily asked, “Does that sound reasonable to you?”

Kaoru, whose lashes had inadvertently slipped closed during his kisses, blinked her eyes opened, smiled softly, and answered without hesitation, “Yes.”

Slipping his hands down to her waist, he snuggled her against his side. For a minute they simply basked in the beauty of the rainbow flecked garden and each other's presence.

Eventually Kenshin shifted and gently asked, “Was that the extent of it?”

Although only a split second passed, it felt much longer to the suddenly uneasy Kaoru. “Of course, what else could there have been?” The silence following her question seemed weighted.

“I do not know. That's why I asked,” Kenshin answered steadily.

Kaoru kept silent, unsure how to reply.

Giving a barely perceptible sigh, Kenshin said, “Very well. Why don't you tell me who it was that filled your ears with my supposed expectations?”

Kaoru fidgeted. I don't want to get those two guards in trouble, even though their words did cause this mess. I should have just talked to Kenshin about it in the first place. If only I could have kept my head instead of panicking.

Although she didn't want to implicate Okon and Omasu, she had to tell Kenshin something. Would he believe it if I said Saitou? Kaoru snorted mentally. Like anyone would believe that Saitou would be gossiping in the hallway about parties and parades.

A sudden vision popped into Kaoru's mind. It featured the saturnine Saitou Hajimesmoking a cigarette while sitting at a table with a group of faceless women. “Now tell me the truth,” he asked in that cruel tone of voice, “is that idiot Aoshi really thinking of changing the color scheme for the guard uniforms?”

Putting out his cigarette, he bit into a chocolate bonbon. “And what's this I hear about a new girlfriend? I thought he was having an affair with the secretary on level two.” One of the women made to grab the last strawberry tart, but he glared menacingly until her fingers retracted. Then he picked the tart up, popped it into his mouth, and chewed with smug satisfaction. “C'mon ladies, share!” his gruff voice barked.

At that point, Kaoru choked. Ack, my mind! Think baby animals, baby animals!! Kaoru didn't know whether to start laughing hysterically or fall down twitching.

No, she would definitely not be blaming Saitou. Besides, he just got into town this morning, remember? So he has an alibi. That brought her back to square one in her mental game of `How to deceive Kenshin (for his own good and the good of other people).'

“Kaoru?” Kenshin asked again.

“Well,” she said slowly, still feeling a little twitchy from her imaginings, “I don't know who it was. They were passing by my room while I was inside getting dressed, so I never saw their faces.” Wanting a clear view of his eyes while they spoke, she stepped away from his side. His arms released her reluctantly. “It doesn't really matter, does it?”

Unfortunately, Kaoru had forgotten that stepping away gave Kenshin a clearer view of her own features as well. He took advantage of this fact to scrutinize her face... her lying face. But just because I know it's a lying face doesn't mean he knows it. Besides, it's only a little lie! Meeting his gaze as guilelessly as she could, she began mentally reciting the names of baby animals found south of the equator.

Finally Kenshin spoke. “No, I suppose it doesn't matter.”

Flushed with success, but trying to hide it, she went over her to-do list for Kenshin. Kaoru realized that it was about as complete as it was going to get it. She sighed. The abject apology wasn't going to happen. But at least she could still hope for the bonding mark examination! Later on they could get around to eating a late lunch. After all, there was hunger and then there was hunger.

“Well then,” Kaoru began, “why don't you get rid of this dome and let us out of here?”

It was with confusion that Kaoru watched as Kenshin took a step back and folded his arms behind himself. “I'm afraid I can't do that just yet.”

Something sour curdled in Kaoru's stomach. This was not good. “Why not?” she questioned uneasily.

“Because there is still something we need to talk about,” he stated.

Resting all of her weight on her right leg, Kaoru used her left foot to scratch her ankle. In a casual tone she rejoined, “I think we've pretty much covered everything, Kenshin, unless you're going to give me that abject apology now for chasing me and stealing my socks.”

Brow wrinkling, he muttered, “What? Oh.” A tic momentarily developed next to his right eye. “No, we are not going to revisit that topic again.”

Taking a quick breath, he shifted his weight to his toes but kept his hands locked behind his back. Opening his mouth, he plunged them both into the topic she'd been avoiding. “Kaoru, something happened two years ago, something you still haven't told me about.”

Distantly she felt the muscles in her face freeze. At her silence, Kenshin continued. “I know it might be difficult, but if we are to have a successful relationship, I have to know. You are afraid of something. I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong. Please Koi, tell me. What happened?”

Kaoru swallowed. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“You do,” he refuted.

Fisting both hands into the hem of her shirt, she heatedly challenged, “Are you calling me a liar?”

“Are you lying?” Kenshin pressed.

“If I am a liar I wouldn't tell you the truth to that, now would I?” she flung out through bared teeth.

A beat of silence passed, and then suddenly green striated his golden eyes like a bamboo forest straining sunlight. He took a step forward, reducing the distance between their tense bodies. The gold disappeared almost completely as green bloomed across his eyes.

“If you look me in the eye and swear to me that you aren't lying,” Kenshin said seriously, “I will believe you.”

“I- I,” looking up into his pleading, bamboo forest eyes, Kaoru felt the lie strike off her teeth and ricochet back down her throat. She felt sick to her stomach, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't utter one more untruth in the face of his words.

Closing her eyes, Kaoru turned and strode as far away from Kenshin as she could get within the constraints of the magical dome. Then she stood staring blindly at the glowing wall blocking her way. Her mind raced, trying to find a way out.

Across the garden Kenshin waited silently. She almost would have welcomed more questions, something she could twist into anger or another argument. But Kenshin was too wise for that. He let the silence build, the heavy weight tugging at her constantly like the moon pulling out the sea, exposing her past like an antiquated ship wrecked upon the ocean floor that only surfaced because of the midnight tide.

That she would speak was inevitable. Nevertheless, she feared the consequences. Would he still think of her with love when she was done, or would his emotions twist to pity or disgust at her weakness? She didn't know.

Yet the tug of silence was inexorable.

“It was autumn,” Kaoru began softly. Best to start at the beginning. That way she wouldn't have to go back and repeat anything later.

“A student from our dojo was moving out of town, so he gave me some baseball tickets as a present.” She took a deep breath. Trailing her finger around the edge of a glowing honeycomb in the shield, she felt the magic buzz against her skin.

“Rain puddles had dampened the seats and turned the field muddy, but everyone was so excited that they didn't care. I went to go and buy some cotton candy. I remember that they had blue and pink. I couldn't decide which flavor I wanted.” The colors were vivid in her mind, standing out starkly in her monochrome memory of the concession stand.

“In fact, I took so long to decide that I wasn't in my seat when the bomb went off,” Kaoru explained calmly, still tracing shapes on the glowing barrier.

Kaoru heard a muffled curse from behind her back. Kenshin growled and said, “Two years ago September there was a terrorist bombing on a baseball dome down south. It was one in a string of attacks that year.”

“Yes, it was September.” Turning towards Kenshin, she tried to meet his gaze, but found her eyes stuck at the level of his chin. “I was lucky,” she forced herself to continue, “Almost everyone sitting in my section was immediately killed. After the explosion, everyone started to run, trying to get outside, get away. But there were too many people. I made it about a block before someone shoved me from behind and I tripped.”

Dropping her eyes to the dark earth beneath her feet, Kaoru forced herself to pick out individual grains in an attempt to distance her mind from the words pouring out of her mouth. “I fell into a patch of muddy lawn. I remember the water splashing up into my eyes, stinging. I tried to get up, but there were too many people. They kept pushing me down, stepping on me, trying to get away from the blast. No one cared about the girl they were trampling beneath their feet.” Kaoru took a quivering breath. “After I lost consciousness, my body got kicked beneath a nearby bush. The doctors say that I was lucky to survive.”

“Oh Koi, I'm so sorry,” Kenshin offered in an anguished tone of voice.

At his words, Kaoru looked up. His face was pale and one hand was rising, reaching out towards her. Kaoru took a step back. If he touched her, she'd break down crying and then she'd never finish the story.

“I healed, left the hospital, and returned home. Everything was fine for a little while.” Turning, Kaoru began pacing slowly around the garden. She couldn't bear to stand still and look into his face for the rest of her account.

“Then, one day, I went to take a train and it happened.” It had felt like she was having a heart attack - dry mouth, chest pain, and difficulty breathing. Later she'd learned that it was only a panic attack. Only.

Taking a breath, Kaoru explained, “The press of people became just too much and I had a panic attack. After that, I had trouble with crowds and public transport of any kind.”

For over a year she could barely leave the dojo, and only when in the company of Megumi, the only person still alive she trusted. Luckily visitors to her home didn't bother her, nor did students. But that was in her comfort zone, her territory.

One night she'd tried to run to the corner store to buy some bread and become surrounded by a rowdy group of teenagers storming the candy aisle. That panic attack had sent her to the hospital. For days afterwards she couldn't bring herself to even leave her bedroom, and sometimes not even her bed.

Then one day, something changed. She'd taken a deep breath and wrinkled her nose. She smelled bad. Forcing herself to leave the room, she'd crept over to the living room and picked up the phonebook. She'd called Dr. Genzai, a counselor she'd seen briefly after her father had died.

Through a combination of medication and therapy, she slowly rebuilt, tile by tile and tear by tear, a stable base to stand on. In the months after Megumi had returned to her job in the city, she'd gotten off the medication and successfully reentered her life, going to the grocery store, the museum, and even the petting zoo by herself. She was careful to avoid the busiest times, but she was fine. Kaoru hadn't had a panic attack in months. Unfortunately, this trip to the city had created the exact situations that could cause her attacks to reoccur: situations where she felt trapped, insecure, out of control, and too far from her personal comfort zone.

Giving herself a brisk shake, she told Kenshin, “I went to a counselor and learned how to avoid having such attacks in the future. Sometimes though, certain things still trigger that panic, things like being trapped or forced into large groups of people. When that happens, my mind shuts down and I simply react - I panic and run. I'm much better than I was, but there's a chance that I will never completely get over this.” She still wasn't looking at Kenshin when she finished her story.

Although she hadn't wanted to tell him, Kaoru now felt eerily calm. He now knew that she was psychologically damaged, mentally unsound. There was nothing more she could say. She could only wait for his reaction.

If she saw pity or disappointment when she turned around, she would pick up the pieces of her shattered heart and plan to escape at the first opportunity. Kaoru had too much pride to stick around and watch him try to force a relationship he no longer wanted. Firming her jaw, she swallowed.

There was a chance that he would respect the strength it took to struggle against her own mind instead of giving in. It was for this outcome that she hoped for. Clutching the aura of calm tightly about her shoulders, she turned and forced herself to meet Kenshin's gaze. Nothing was ever easy.

TO BE CONTINUED