Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ When Push Comes To Shove ❯ Flop ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: MMmm MMmmm MMm mP HMpphh FFMFMMMFmmf mfFM FMMF MFMF MmfmMMPGMGMmmamdfpMFm :sigh:

Note: Sorry, sorry! Was FFnet really gone for a long time or is it just I having trouble getting on the site? Never mind that. This chapter will be very long but wouldn't have anything in it but sweet (or sour) nothingness. :sniff: Thanks for everybody who is reading this, especially those who encourage me to continue. This will be the last chapter, perhaps.

Or not………

I think, I'm gonna start building a barricade.

Aurghh… Wait. (don't you just hate the suspense!) Erg. I am scared. I honestly and truly am scared. Why? Never mind. :sigh: I feel like a pig being led to the slaughterhouse. (can't use lamb. Too delicate for me). I really will build that barricade…… Read on and see why I'm babbling like nuts. =)

Text enclosed in this babies ~~ are flashbacks.

Chapter 5: Flop

The moon's scarred face was beautiful to behold, white against the black of the young night. Hanging up above the calm bay, its silver tresses streaked the rippled surface of the ever-flowing sea. Around it, precious gems are littered in no particular fashion on the canvas of ebony, creating patterns solely determined by the creative imagination of men.

Down below, the crashing of the waves was an eternal lullaby, soothing, pacifying. The night breeze was cooling, its untamed gusts fanned by Mother Nature to relieve her children of the prickly heat of the summer night. Underneath, there was the sand, a cradle for the tired feet; the microscopic grains moving fluidly against aching limbs, massaging.

The serenity, the harmony of it all, was disarming. The interdependence of the environment was impressive. It was not so unlike the quiet exchange of emotions among lovers, like those strolling along the beach, illuminated by the moon. The understanding, the interconnection, was simple, pure, unconscious, unhindered. Beautiful.

There's a calm surrender to the rush of day

When the heat of a rolling wind can be turned away

An enchanted moment, and it sees me through

It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you

Among the couples littered along the beach, one seemed less intimate than others. They were quite easy to pick out. Both have slight statures though attractive in their own ways. Both had thoughtful faraway looks on their faces.

The girl, whose black tresses reflected moonlight like a mirror, sighed deeply. The night has been surreal, like a fragment of a dream, a painting of the fantasies she has had both asleep and awake. Everything has been a little unexpected, but by no means unwanted.

Perhaps all these were not exactly like her rosy imaginings. A shadow then? No. It is the spirit of it, the core. What she dreamed of was a whirlwind romance: proposals out of the blue, aggressive overtures from the usually passive (more like deadpan) beloved. This is different, more like a glimpse, a hint, of the true feelings behind the immature play of her imagination.

This is the real thing. It made her realize the emphatic bond that exists between them that was often concealed by his desire to distance himself from her and her stubborn insistence to keep a façade of toughness, a façade to convince him that she is not a child merely to be humored and coddled. She was surprised at how they could be so eloquent but silent, at how much can channel between them though not even a single word escapes their mouth. This was what she yearned for: mutual understanding between them, his relaxation, not mere attention (he gave her lots of that) but the knowledge, the feeling of being genuinely wanted. Knowing that his attention was bound to her and her alone made excitement, thrill and, yes, fear, to course through her. Perhaps, it was due to the odd tranquility of their surroundings mixed with the slight bashfulness that she felt.

They continued to walk in silence. His rough hands, evidence of a harsh training and an even harsher life, was loosely laced through hers, the only parts of their body touching, distant yet intimate. It was as if that tiny contact acted as a bridge between the volumes of unspoken emotions exchanged, as if that tiny thread kept the equilibrium of their private universe. She was feeling lightheaded, though, and perhaps a little sleepy. The sand underfoot was beginning to feel like feathers, like light even.

And can you feel the love tonight

It is where we are

It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer

That we got this far

And can you feel the love tonight

How it's laid to rest

It's enough to make kings and vagabonds

Believe the very best

When there was light there were always shadows. Kaoru recoiled from the shadows of the forest in the east. They reminded her of her own shadows, and his; their shadow, their darkness. The ocean, too, wickedly whispered to her reminders of the not so distant past.

Her companion's white haired nemesis did keep her prisoner in an island. She remembered the long lonely days of apprehension and even worse, the dark nights. The memories appeared like images from a fairy tale, she as the damsel in distress, that island that is her prison, a natural fortress, as the tower the princess was locked in, and he as the knight in shinning armor.

Tentatively, he looked at him, repeating in her mind how he looked even more handsome with his ponytail raised high at the apex of his skull. He looked more masculine, wickedly cool and, Kaoru gulped, well, sexier.

Maybe he should- Kaoru thought but stopped.

She was about to say he should wear the hair do everyday when another thought crossed her. That was probably how the Battousai wore his hair during the Bakamatsu. After all, that was how most samurais did. He'd be recognized even more quickly and the cycle would continue: a period of uneventful quietness, the calm before a storm, a new enemy, a battle, his withdrawal from her, his hurt, her hurt. She really shouldn't get her hopes up.

Presently, she diverted her eyes to his direction. She was met by the divine view of his lean frame bathed by moonlight. He was appealing in his mysteriousness; the shadows made his figure sharp and contrasting. It reminded her of his equally extreme personas, dark and light, the assassin and the vagabond.

The sight of hair flowing lustrously from the top of his head made her a little queasy. It was rather unnerving, the color. With little imagination, one can easily picture him bleeding and broken.

Jineh Udo, Shishio Makoto, Yukishiro Enishi… Her mind recited the names in consternation. Don't let it happen again, she pleaded silently. Not again, not again…

Reminded of the bloodbath the vigilante caused during the war, she didn't even shudder. She was pained for what he had to endure then, what he did, what he paid in penance.

Not again, she thought. Not now that you have recovered…

She tightened her hold on his hand, her other hand clutching at his arm, eyes shut in an attempt to shut out the images of his suffering.

No more…

Beside her, Kenshin acutely felt the shifting of her emotions. He knew she wept for him, that he was the cause of her agitation. Unwilling to leave her in her distressed state, he squeezed her hand back gently. She looked up at him in surprise but was confronted by the serene light on his warm violet eyes.

No more… his eyes conveyed, agreeing with her heartily, assuring her.

His small smile widened a little as he saw all trace of apprehension be dispelled from the shinning orbs of blue, the windows to her hope-filled youthful soul full of kindness. Kaoru, his in dreams… and soon in reality as well.

There's a time for everyone if they only learn

That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn

There's a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors

When the heart of this star-crossed voyager beats in time with yours

What if I stutter? What if I say something amazingly stupid? Worse, what if nothing comes out at all? What if…

Kenshin quickly stamped down the fear escalating inside of him. He couldn't risk being hesitant now. Everybody's lives are on the line. Enishi may be a sick bastard but he is a very dangerous sick bastard. With the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu mostly ineffective and with him holding the sakabatou hostage, failure was no longer an option.

He glanced at his companion. She was again staring distantly towards the sea. She had a dreamy look about her face, which buttered up his pride a bit. It's possible, isn't it? That maybe, just maybe, he's the one she's thinking about. If he's planning to propose today, now might be the perfect time.

Kenshin grimaced. Yes, the ambiance is perfect but he can easily ruin the mood with one wrong word. Unoriginal or not, he'd have to follow Sanosuke's instructions after all. Shaking his head regretfully, he reached inside his shirt and felt for his so-called ace and his mind practically screamed in terror.

Nothing.

He desperately curbed his panic and prevented himself from registering any visible reaction. Managing to stop himself from groping about his body wildly, he continued searching for the infinitesimal piece of paper as clandestine as he, in his state of mind, could possibly get. It was then he remembered what exactly he used to wipe the spilled drink a while ago.

You're in trouble, his mind yelled. You are in BIG trouble.

Keeping his breathing in tight control, he began chanting in his mind.

I can do this. I can do this… For Kaoru… I'll do anything for her…

Even without his prepared speech, he can do it. When his brain fails him, his heart will dictate what he has to say and sweep her off her feet and into his arms.

And can you feel the love tonight

It is where we are

It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer

That we got this far

And can you feel the love tonight

How it's laid to rest

It's enough to make kings and vagabonds

Believe the very best

And his stupid heart was not cooperating. He opened his mouth slowly, then closed it quickly. Once, twice, thrice, he repeated this hesitant preparatory move. Still to no avail. He cleared his throat a few times, trying to relieve the irritating dryness.

Breaking her silence, Kaoru sighed and turned to him.

"Alright," she said. "What's wrong, Kenshin?"

Kenshin started.

"Wrong?" he repeated, feigning surprise. "There's nothing wrong, Kaoru-dono."

Kaoru sighed. "Of course." Then under her breath she muttered, "Why do I bother asking you?"

Any other time, Kenshin would have smiled sweetly at her and would have reassured her repeatedly. Not this time. He was too busy pondering on his opening move. How would he raise the topic? Maybe he should just pull her to him and give her a kiss? How's that?

No way!

Shuddering, he pushed the thought away. Too forward. What to do!?

Kaoru spoke again.

"So will you tell me the catch?" she said softly.

This time, Kenshin was genuinely startled.

"The catch," she repeated, as if he should be able to understand as is.

"I don't understand."

"There's always a catch." There was a sad note to her voice. "Do you remember the first time you hugged me? I mean-"

~~~~

It is a ravishing night. The brook obviously thought so as it gurgle endlessly about it all to anyone, willing and unwilling alike. The trees, graceful shadows in the darkness, intrudes its soliloquy once in while to add a thought or two, punctuating their wordless whispers by a sinuous gesture of their branches. Tiny creatures of the wood ignore their discourse as they danced in the wind, entrancing as fairies with their greenish magic, setting the evening ablaze with lights.

Fireflies, simply fireflies... But I refuse to acknowledge this naked truth. Likewise, I reject the fact that he is entreating me to accept.

" But you came back!" I assert, clapping my hands on his shoulders. "No matter how close you were to Battousai, you were still Kenshin! The time with Saitou and the time with Jin'eh were the same! So it's all right."

It is false and I know it. Even in my own ears, my words sound hollow and false. It is a dream I refuse to relinquish, nothing but a dream….

I listen as he explained at least a part of his actions. At the back of my mind, I've always known this would come sooner or later but still nothing prepared me for it. Nothing at all…

Intent on the objections of my brain, the million reasons that protested his leaving that sprouted on my mind, I still hold on to the confidence that I can convince him to stay like before. But no… Nonetheless, I am shocked by what he does next.

Warmth. A closeness that has never been before allowed. He is holding me to him as tight as he can, for one brief moment conveying how heavily his heart protests to this thing he has to do.

No use… Nothing but a painful end to a respite of a broken spirit's trek for redemption. Nothing at all…

"Thank you for everything you've done " he says. ". . . and farewell. I am a vagabond. I will wander once again."

And he is gone.

~~~~~

"Kaoru-dono…" Understanding quickly came to him.

"I mean, every time we advance…" Kaoru struggled to put her thoughts into words. "I mean, our relationship. There's a corresponding step back. I mean-"

Kenshin was staring at her as if she was the ghost of Christmas past (Do they know about Ebenezer Scrooge? Do they even celebrate Christmas then?) That scared him all right. That scared him a lot. Kaoru was doubting him, thinking he'd leave, thinking he didn't care. So this is what Sano was talking about. But after all that happened… Didn't she know? How could she not know?

Words are unnecessary for those whose hearts beat as one…

Maybe she doesn't feel the way Sano said she does. Maybe she doesn't feel how he hoped, deny as he may, she does.

How could you expect her to love me like that? he thought angrily at himself, at Sano and Enishi. I don't deserve her at all and I have plenty of guts to daydream about her loving me. Her…

Maybe she looks upon him as she does on Sano and Yahiko. Like an orphan she wants to care for, a brother.

That's what I wanted, wasn't it? But it sure hurts like hell to be so closely confronted by the possibility. Still… Enishi…

"Kenshin?"

Back to reality.

"Kenshin, are you even listening?"

"Kaoru-dono." He gave her his award-winning smile of fakery. "It's alright."

"I mean, if you're just gonna take off and leave-"

"I'm not going anywhere. I thought you knew that." He gave her a mock frown.

"Really?" She looked so adorably cute that he gave a stifled laugh.

"I don't know," came the nonchalant reply. Kenshin wandered off to sit on the sand. "I was think about starting a crusade- … Kaoru-dono, I was just kidding."

He tried to pry her grip off his neck.

"Really," he said. "Remember what I told you on the eve of Enishi's attack on the dojo?"

~~~~

I couldn't believe it though I have known it long before. Everything about her told me but I refused to acknowledge it. Knowing what I am, what I was, what I did… How can she welcome me so freely? I couldn't understand…

I look at her in surprise as her words echo around the hollow of my skull, my speechless mind evaporating into nothing but bliss in spite of myself.

"But I want to stay with you…" she had said.

Her heart is thumping so hard it would probably beat out of the very sac that encloses it.

"S-sorry!" she says presently. " That was nothing! Forget it! We're going to need all our strength for tomorrow. We'd better get back. I'm sure everyone's worried about--"

I place an arm around her shoulder. Even for this precious short time, I ignore the demands of my guilt-ridden conscience in favor of the even greater ones of my heart.

"Do you remember? When we came back from Kyoto, and I said, "I'm home"? That was the first time I'd said those words ever since I began a vagabond."

"Really?"

"Yes..."

~~~~~

Kenshin's confidence climbed a few rungs as he contemplated her reaction.

She's blushing! rejoiced an inner voice.

Of course, she is, retorted another. You reminded her of how you defiled her!

She's just embarrassed by our…….our untypical closeness, the other protested.

You wish, asshole.

That means I still have a chance!

If she dumps you, which I'm sure she will, Enishi will take her head!

"I'll worry about that later," he muttered aloud through gritted teeth.

"Kenshin?" Kaoru was looking at him oddly.

"Nothing." He grinned at her guiltily.

"Um, I'm having a great time except that… I don't know how to say this!" She smacked her forehead. "Mou! I mean, why?"

"Why?…" Kenshin repeated.

"Why did you take me out for dinner I this very expensive foreign restaurant? And may I ask how you paid for all that?"

He smiled. "I have my ways."

"Don't tell me you put it in your tab," murmured Kaoru. "And I'll end up paying."

"It's been paid for, Kaoru-dono."

Kaoru frowned at him suspiciously. "This doesn't have anything to do with gambling now, does it?"

Kenshin sweat dropped. "Just please let the matter drop, Kaoru-dono."

"All right, then. Why?"

"For no particular reason." He stretched and yawned sleepily.

Kaoru continued to look at him skeptically.

"What?" He grinned at her sweetly. "What's so odd about a date?"

"A date…" Kaoru looked thoughtful. "It sounds… Never mind."

"What's wrong about a man taking out a beautiful woman on a restaurant fit for a queen?" <BARBERO!!!! paumanhin. Hindi ko mapigilan… Grrrr…>

Kaoru was gaping at him, blushing a little. Recovering quickly as if she didn't even falter earlier, she rolled her eyes.

"Are you sure Saitou didn't recruit you for another wild goose chase?" she asked querulously.

"I haven't seen Saitou for a year."

Kaoru growled. "Kenshin…"

"Seriously, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not doing anything out of ordinary. " Yeah right.

Kaoru was still glaring at him dubiously.

"Trust me, Kaoru-dono."

"Fine." She sighed.

Silence.

"Actually, I do have something to tell you," he said shortly after.

The soft almost indistinct voice he used made little creatures run up Kaoru's backbone. She was experiencing anticipation and dread, calm and panic. What's going to happen? Will Tae's prediction…

She gulped and turned to the speaker. Her eyes, the blue almost swallowed by black of the pupils, collided with his equally dark ones. The thundering beat of her pulse was deafening against their mutual silence. Distrustful of her own voice, doubting it would form a coherent statement or even word, she chose not to speak. Kenshin continued despite the lack of response from her side.

"I've been wanting to ask you this for a very long time, believe it or not," he said. <BARBERO TALAGA!!!!> "I didn't have the guts then. But now is another case."

He took her hands and enfolded then in his. He made sure their eye contact remained unbroken.

"Kaoru-dono," he said, voice and manner resolute. "Will you give your hand-"

</h>

~~~~

Frozen water, shaped in flakes of intricate shapes, fell all around in massive. They melt as they made contact with my skin, warm with life, hot with uncharacteristic rage. It is all about to end, and I know it. My only regret is failing to keep my promise to her.

Be happy in the new era…

I charge with the last of my strength, a suicide attack. No matter. The world shall only be rid of another of it's creatures of darkness. This traitor, I must kill, the last service this bloodied hands must offer to the sake of the cause. And I shall not be stopped…

That's…

No, I shall stop! I have to stop…

The scent… white…plum…

Too late.

Hard unforgiving metal, icy as winter, slash through flesh.

His. Hers. Mine. Our blood mingling , marring the immaculate whiteness of snow. Like a dream, a nightmare, she falls into my arms and my sluggish mind register what saved me from the enemy's blow.

"Tomoe," I say, disbelief my panacea. "Why… Why?"

Tears. Blood. This is not what I promised to her.

It's all right… So please don't cry…

How can it be alright!?!

"To… mo…e… TOMOE!!!"

~~~~

What if it happens again?

~~~~

I run. For everything important in my miserable existence, I run. Her face, her sweet smile… It cannot happen again. Not to her…

"Kaoru-dono. Kaoru-dono."

A scent assails me, stopping me in my tracks. This scent that has been forever etched in my memory. Scent of hurt. Scent of failure. Scent of guilt. Scent of pain… Tomoe…

"This scent is…"

"The scent of white plums. For me it's the scent of my sister. For you, at this time…"

"Enishi! What did you do to Kaoru dono!"

"This scent will be your guide. Follow it without getting lost. The answer you are looking for is there."

I run again. Hoping against hope this madman is bluffing. Please, don't. Don't let it be…

"Kaoru dono."

"Look at it seriously with those eyes."

The noise of my breath is harsh against my ear but all I can hear is her voice…

"Kaoru dono."

"Be sad! Yell! Mourn! And then weep until you die!"

"Kaoru dono."

I finally reach it, the home I have recognized this past few months, the home she has given me. This I accept. Sessha wa rurouni but I couldn't resist the warmth she so magnanimously offered a stranger like me, a stained soul damned forever. This fate I accept as well.

But this I reject. This I cannot accept.

"Kenshin!!"

"Kensan!! Ken..."

My legendary strength fails. My knees buckle and I fall on them.

"What is Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu? Who is Himura Kenshin? I, again, failed to protect the most important person in my life. Kaoru-dono… Kaoru…"

~~~~

Theirs always a possibility…

~~~~

"Alright," says Enishi. "If you don't get married by sundown tomorrow, I'll go on a killing spree."

I try to look nonchalant. "Do you expect me to believe that?"

"Do you think I'd hesitate to kill for my sister's sake?"

"She wouldn't want you to do such a thing."

"She didn't really specify any methods, so I'll do it any way."

Death threats… so mild. Death threat, nonetheless…

~~~~

I won't be able to take it.

~~~~

Motionless like a marionette discarded in a corner, this is she. Impossible, unacceptable, but true. Her blue eyes, never again to open, never again to shed light, give comfort and warmth to desolate wasteland of my soul. Her lips never to smile again, never to laugh.

How… how? She was so alive a few hours ago! How can it be? Even I, who has brought much death, cannot comprehend how life can drain so quickly from the sweet spirit that gave meaning to my existence. He is right. This is ultimate revenge. With that blade no stuck in the once living flesh of Kamiya Kaoru, he has destroyed everything.

And the stigma in my left cheek is mirrored in hers. A reminder. A declaration to all that I brought it all about. I am responsible for her death, her, the most important person in my life.

Kaoru is dead. A fresh flower cut off from its stem and crushed so viscously underfoot. She's gone forever. Forever…

~~~~

Failure is not -never- an option.

Kenshin reeled from the blow of his memoir's ghosts. Faltering a bit, but only for a fraction of a second, he grasped her hand more firmly in his, affirming his will to go against all odds for her sake.

"Kaoru-dono, will you give this unworthy one your hand in marriage?"

Kaoru was stunned stupid by the wave of emotions that hit her. Nearly breathless in disbelief and choking on euphoria, she pinched herself. She asked herself repeatedly if she had heard him correctly; she dreaded the confirmation from her mind.

Did he just ask me?Me?!

But then she remembered the blank look he had seen in his eyes. sure the intensity almost frightened her but she saw , felt, the uneasiness that went as quickly as it came in him as he looked at her. Even in his hold on her hand, though it never loosened, she felt his withdrawal. It was as if a bucket of ice was poured down her back when he unexpectedly shut her out. It was as if the surge of acute pain he felt inside him extended to her.

She was even more surprised as his determination kicked in and all trace of hesitation disappeared, from her sight, from him. More so when he gripped her hand more tightly and voiced his request, and for Kaoru, a long awaited proposal.

Still, her senses have been fooled more than once.

"Ano…" she started. "Kenshin, what exactly are you trying to say?"

Kenshin, however, took that in a completely different (and negative!) way. He started and for the longest moment just stared at her in awe. And, of course, like in most people, and in most scenarios, the most unexpected things happen. He did the most un-Kenshin thing: he let himself be engulfed by stark panic!

"Ano, Kenshin…" continued Kaoru hesitantly. "I don't-"

His internal system going berserk (not even taking into consideration that perhaps she just needs some recovery period after what he just said, the dummy) he cut her off immediately.

"Kaoru-dono, I've been thinking."

"But Kenshin-"

"You're young and- and, well, nubile and you're a woman and alone in the dojo. Or you used to be-"

"And?" She waited, quite expecting where he was going.

"Well, and I'm a middle-aged wandering man. And…"

"Makes sense, so far." Kaoru was hiding a smile. His fumble for words was cute. Pretty cute. Half-amusing, half-annoying. Spill it!

"Ano… Don't you think…"

"Yeah. That's not enough grounds for marriage, ne?"

Kenshin was getting desperate. He unconsciously, gripped her hand even more tightly.

"On the contrary, it is," he said. His blood was practically curdling as ghast images of Kaoru's rejection and Enishi's impending actions. Even with all those thoughts that hounded him, he was still able to keep his façade of calm. Now he's half-considering going Battousai just so he could clear his mind and say something relevant and convincing.

"Really? But we can't marry just because I'm single and your single. Get my drift?" Kaoru was starting to enjoy it. A little more push and she would be able to hear exactly what she wanted.

"That's just it." Kenshin turned his face away from her. He sighed then continued in a rush. "I'm a strange man living in your house. People would think its improper and immodest for you to allow that so…. I think the best alternative is marriage."

Kenshin crossed his fingers and waited for a reply. When it didn't come, he looked up slowly. The expression he saw on Kaoru's face was totally unexpected. And his panic broke from his barricade.

"Kaoru-dono!…" he exclaimed as a tear rolled down her face, tear for anger, tear for disappointment, tear for hurt.

"I should have known," she murmured, a rather indignant look plastered on her face. " She pulled her hand away from his. "So that's all you wanted? A way to wash off the guilt of living with an unmarried woman?"

"That was not what I meant!" protested Kenshin. "I mean-"

"Oh right. I forget." Sarcasm was a very potent venom that dripped from her fangs. "It's out of your system to use people. You're only there to help those who are weak and afflicted, to sacrifice your own well-being for the sake of others." She stood up and was about to stomp off.

"Kaoru-dono, you don't understand!" Kenshin looked like he was about to cry. Kaoru has blown it all way out of proportion. He should have known.

"Oh yes, I do." She stopped to glare at him. "And my answer is, thanks but no thanks. I wouldn't want to oblige you of taking responsibilities not yours. You've done enough charity work for me to last a million last lifetimes. Likewise, I for you."

And she was gone.

JLJLJJLJLJJLJLJJLJLJJLJLJJLJLJJLJLJJLJLJ

What will happen now?

Did Kamiya Kaoru really dump Himura Kenshin?

What will Enishi do now?

Will those two idiots realize that they are both acting like babies?

Does everybody hate me now? Despise me? Wants to kill me for my idiocy and weirdness?

Find out (if I'm still alive)

JLJLJJLJLJJLJLJJLJLJJLJLJJLJLJJLJLJJLJLJ

And that, people, is the reason why I am so afraid. This really stinks. I'm sorry.

I think I really bit off MUCH more than I can chew.

The song Can You Feel The Love Tonight I just borrowed for this stinkin' chapter. Music is by Elton John. Lyrics by Tim Rice. Available on the soundtrack The Lion King

There. Violent reactions shall be cordially received.

(:sigh: encoding this has really ruined my night) Anyways, please, please, react. Are the points clear? What do you think I should improve/change? I don't wanna be stinky forever…

Patience is a virtue. I think I'll be able to unknot this plot convolution. Now what happens next in my dream…. Hm… I have written the A and B. I know my D. All I need is the C. Yare, yare. I am so weird…