Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ will to live ❯ chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Ruruoni Kenshin or any of the Rurouni Kenshin characters and I never will.

Author's notes: This is my first story and I hope it's original. It's written from multiple character P.O.V. R&R if you feel like it `cause I don't mind that much if you don't.

"speech"

`thoughts'

Will To Live

Chapter 1

The sun had set long ago but the Kamiya dojo was all but still. A young man watched a rooster and a fox argue over nothing while steadily consuming several bottles of sake on the dojo porch. Yahiko continued to watch Sano and Megumi bicker, a smile tugging on his lips but then his eyes wandered over to the man with the flaming red hair and cross shaped scar. His bokken stop swinging and his smile dropped as he looked at Kenshin, or what used to be Kenshin.

Kenshin wasn't participating in the argument, nor was he aware of it. His focus was instead on the indigo ribbon clutched in his hand. Although he was very good at hiding his emotions, sorrow was clearly written over his delicate features. He stared at the ribbon then slowly brought it close to his face and inhaled deeply. `It still smells like her, after nearly three years it still smells like jasmine.' He tucked the ribbon back in it's secret, safe spot in his gi. He became aware of Yahiko staring at him but decided to avoid the boy's gaze, too afraid to see his own pain mirrored in his eyes. The pain of losing someone you love.

The dojo seemed much more relaxed and content than it's been in years but Yahiko as well as everyone else could see through the façade being put up. Yahiko could sense the sorrow lingering in the air. `Three years, it'll be three years since it happened.' He looked at Sano and Megumi again and silently thanked them. They had no reason to fight and clearly nothing to fight about, so they mutely agreed to dispute when they were going to have their first child and who gets to name it. `Thank you,' he thought `for trying to get our minds and hearts off the anniversary.' He glanced at Kenshin, `though nothing can be done to help him.' He sighed sadly and continued to practice with his bokken.

"Well, if you excuse me, I'll be going to bed know." Kenshin stood up, brushed off his hakama and continue to speak. "Sano, Megumi, will you be here for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Of course we will Ken-san." Although Megumi was happily married to Sano she still preferred to her pet name for Kenshin instead of his real one.

"Course we will. I'm not about to start skipping out on free meals." Sano silently added `and I'm not about to leave you alone, especially when it's so close to the day that it happened.'

"Then I'll see you in the morning. Yahiko, I'll trust you to lock the dojo gate after Sano and Megumi leave. Goodnight." Without so much as a backward glance, Kenshin retired to his room.

Yahiko stared at his retreating form until it disappeared completely from sight. Then without any warning he threw his bokken to the ground and plopped himself next to Sano on the porch. Megumi and Sano had stopped drinking to watch Yahiko brood with his arms folded tightly across his chest. All three let out a collective sigh and for several minutes everything was quiet and still. After what seemed like an eternity Sano finally broke the silence.

"So…" he started out slowly trying to find the right words but then gave up and said what was all on their minds. "Kenshin hasn't spoken of her has he." It wasn't a question, it was a fact.

"No."

"Have you talked about her?"

"No."

"Are you planning on saying more that no?"

"Yeah I guess so."

Sano was losing his patience. He was a millisecond away from beating Yahiko into speaking what was on his mind when Megumi intervened. "Well oh great one, when you deem us worthy enough, please speak your wisdom to enlighten our simple minds." Her words dripped with sarcasm as she glared at Yahiko. "You don't have to be so stupid about this. If you have something on your mind then just say it instead of pissing us off with your retarded fucking answers."

"I just don't feel like talking right now."

Megumi tried a different approach. "Listen Yahiko, you know we're not related by blood but we're all family here. If you have something to say, chances are Sano or I feel the same way." She placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Such sensitivity from a fox," Sano blew Megumi a kiss, "why can't you be that gentle with me?" He grinned playfully.

"Shut up baka. I'm not in the mood for playing your silly little games." She replied curtly before turning your attention back to Yahiko. "Has Ken-san even said her name?"

"No. He completely avoids the subject. Besides he doesn't talk much nowadays either, but…"

"But what?"

"I can tell he's thinking about her all the time. Like when he's holding onto her ribbon or when he stops by her room everyday. Lately I've noticed Kenshin ruining his food on purpose just so his meals will taste like she cooked them."

This time Sano spoke. "What do mean? I've never tasted bad food coming from Kenshin."

"He cooks our food perfect but he'll burn his or add too much salt or something. He doesn't know that I know that he sabotages his food."

"So he's not getting better."

"No." He sighed and dropped his head down. "I just wanted him to get better so badly."

"Wait a minute Yahiko." Sano took a deep breath and started. "What do you mean by wanted him to get better?"

"I think it's obvious that the Kenshin we knew is dead. He died when she died and there's no fucking way we can bring him back now." He suddenly became very angry. "I don't know who the fuck that is in there," he gestured towards the dojo, "but that's not our Kenshin!"

"Listen, you just have to know or at least understand what Kenshin's going through." Sano's normally gruff voice was laced with patience and understanding. It was very clear that he had greatly matured over the rears.

"I know what he's going through! She didn't just leave him she left me too!" Tears sprang to his eyes but he refused to allow them to fall. Instead he buried his face in his hands and began to speak again. "I know it hurts but it's been three years. Almost three years. I just fucking wished he would be the person that he used to be, is that so much to ask? He's just a shadow. He's fucking pathetic." He lifted his head, took a deep breath. "I hate him. I hate him. I hate him." His voice grew stronger and louder as he continued to chant. "I hate him. I hate him. I HATE HIM. I HA-"

Megumi hand, instead on Sano's fist, struck Yahiko hard in the face. Small beads of blood made trials down Yahiko's cheek where her fingernails had broken the skin. He stared at her, shock in his eyes and she just stared back with disappointment in hers.

"I'm so fucking angry with you Yahiko." Her words were cold, lacking emotion and only making Yahiko feel worse about what he had said. "How can you even think about saying something that horrible? You're a foolish, ignorant little boy. Before you start getting angry with Ken-san why don't you take a look at yourself? You say that Ken-san died, that he's gone but can you honestly look me straight in the eye and say that a part of you didn't die when she did? Look at you, look at us." She glanced at Sano to make sure he was paying attention. "We want so much for Ken-san to speak about her but we carefully the subject ourselves. Throughout this entire conversation we haven't even said her name. Not once! We being hypocrites, expecting Ken-san to talk about it when we won't do it ourselves. But Yahiko, I'm especially angry with you. Saying those horrible things. You shame yourself." She stood up and looked at Sano. "I think it's time we go home now." Then she began to walk to the exit. Sano, not wanting to face her wrath, bid a shocked Yahiko goodnight and ran ahead of her. Before she reached the gate she turned around to face Yahiko. "You know if you really want him to talk about it then you're going to have to start the conversation. Goodnight Yahiko-chan."

"Chan?! Don't call me chan!" His body was shaking and his fists were clenched, he screamed after her but she ignored his screams.

"You act like a child," she began to leave again, "so you'll be treated like a child. Goodnight Yahiko-chan." She shut the dojo gate.

"Don't call me chan." He whispered. He stood by himself until a cold wind hit his face and he was suddenly reminded to go to sleep. He looked at the mess Sano and Megumi had forgot to clean up and decided to clean it in the morning. He picked up his forgotten bokken, looked surprised to see the blood on it. Then he found the source of the blood on his palms. He could see where his finger nails had dug in, where they had broken the flesh. Another cold gust blew by, forcing Yahiko to quicken his pace.

Yahiko stared at his ceiling that night, desperately trying to fall asleep. He felt relieved when his eyelids became heavy enough to drop. However, unknown to him, his night would be plagued by memories of the past.