Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ will to live ❯ chapter 4 ( Chapter 4 )

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of the Rurouni Kenshin characters.

Authors Notes: This is the fourth chapter in my first story. It takes place in Kenshin's P.O.V. Tell me if you want me to keep writing the story because I don't see much of a point of continuing if no one likes it. I've said it before but I'll say it again, this is going to be a long story so if you're not into long stories then you should just stop reading. Also this chapter is a lot less sad and much more romantic than the other chapters but I thought I should do a little lighter chapter to reveal Kenshin's side of the story and show you a little of what is coming up. Plus I changed my settings so now anyone can review. Enjoy the chapter!

"Speech"

`Thoughts'

Last chapter:

Yahiko rolled over onto his stomach, `Kaoru, why did you have to leave us? We need you so much. Why did you leave us?' Then all of the suppressed feelings that Yahiko had held inside of him for nearly three years came out. He sobbed onto his arms. His cries were violent, wracking his body uncontrollably until the sudden release of so many powerful emotions began to slowly put him asleep. He was crying so hard that he didn't notice that his door, which had been open for several minutes, was slowly being closed by the man who had just witnessed Yahiko's breakdown.

Chapter Four

After deftly closing Yahiko's door, Kenshin slid down to the floor to rest his head against the door. He listened until Yahiko's whimpers had stopped completely and he was sure that Yahiko was asleep. Kenshin dropped his head as a wave of guilt washed over him. `I should have talked to Yahiko after she died. I should have been there for him instead of letting him put up a barrier but…but it was just too hard. I couldn't look him in the eyes, not after seeing how much he blamed himself for her death. But it's not his fault. It's no one's fault but mine. It's my fault.' Kenshin picked himself and carried himself to his sanctuary.

He entered Kaoru's room which he had left untouched since she left. He feared he would wash out her presence if he came into her room too often so his retreats to this haven were cherished and special and reserved entirely for him. He had made sure that no one else entered her room in fear that the intruder would contaminate his sacred refuge. He inhaled deeply through his nose trying to smell the familiar jasmine scent that was pure Kaoru. He walked to her closet to root through her kimonos. He handled each kimono gently for several moments all the while recalling when he saw her wearing the particular garment he held and how beautiful he remembered she looked in it. After fingering through her clothes he crossed over to her futon which had been neatly put away by her on the last morning she was at the dojo.

Kenshin laid out her futon on the floor then gently lowered himself to the floor so that he was lying next to it. He rested a small portion of his head on the futon, breathing deeply through his nose. `It still smells like my Kaoru.' He allowed his mind wander to many of the fond memories he had of Kaoru when his mind came to the memory of the night that, three years ago, that was the beginning of the end…

Kenshin reset the table for the seventh time, finally satisfied with the results. Then he rushed over to bring the food he had tediously prepared to his and Kaoru's dishes before he lit the candles. `Everything will be perfect for tonight. I cooked Kaoru's favorite dishes, the table is set perfectly, the candles add romance, Yahiko is spending the night with Sano who promised not to drop by, Megumi is at the clinic, no visitors are expected tonight and best of all, my beautiful Kaoru will be getting the surprise of her life tonight.' Kenshin heart soared with happiness as he thought of what he was preparing to tell and ask Kaoru. Before Kenshin called Kaoru to dinner he did a quick check on his appearance. He was dressed in the same hakama but instead of his trademark pick gi he chose to wear the navy blue gi Kaoru had picked up for him at the market. He brushed a little dirt off his clothing, `okay, now everything is perfect.'

"Is it all right if I come out now?" Kaoru's voice was slightly impatient as it came from her room and reached Kenshin's ears.

"Yeah," Kenshin's voice cracked with nervousness causing him to sound like he was going through puberty. "Yeah, you can come out now."

Time seemed to slow down as Kaoru strolled towards Kenshin who's mouth had dropped. She wore a navy blue kimono with a silver cherry blossom tree embroidered on it. She chose not to wear her favorite indigo ribbon tonight; instead her rave hair cascaded like a waterfall down her back outlining her breathtaking face. Her eyes shone with warmth and love all directed at Kenshin.

"Kenshin?" She asked then she giggled softly as she closed Kenshin's mouth with one of her lovely hands. "Are you all right?" She smiled lovingly while her hand traced the scar on his left cheek.

"Yeah…yeah, I'm fine. I'm great." He reached up, grabbed her hand, then cradled it softly in his own. "You just surprised me that's all."

"I surprised you? How?" She moved a little closer so that Kenshin could practically feel the heat radiating off of her.

"It's just…it's just you're so beautiful. I wasn't prepared to see something as lovely as you." Even in the candlelight Kenshin could see Kaoru blush deeply. `That's right Himura,' Kenshin told himself, `don't be nervous. Be calm and tell her exactly how you feel, if you do that then this night will be perfect.' "Shall we begin to eat dinner?" He asked gently as he escorted her toward the dinner table. He heard her gasp as she saw the dinner he had carefully prepared.

"Wow. Kenshin, everything is perfect." She spoke softly fore the beginning of the night had already managed to take her breath away.

They ate their dinner in relative silence, the only noise was the compliments Kaoru gave and the soft chewing made by the couple. They had grown very close in the past months, so close that many times they could sit together for hours without exchanging a word because they were completely content just being in the others presence. Throughout the dinner they gave each other loving looks and smiles.

After finishing their meal Kenshin held out his hand to Kaoru who accepted. `All right,' he thought, `everything is going according to plan. Now just bring her outside so you can ask her your question under the moonlight. Very romantic, she'll be sure to say yes!' "Kaoru-dono, the moon is full tonight and the sky is very clear. Why don't we take a little stroll under the stars?" She accepted while he brought her outside. Something in her heart already told her what was going to happen and her happiness was barely containable.

The full moon looked like a perfect pearl in the sky and with the help of the stars that shone very brightly Kenshin was sure that he almost had his perfect setting to tell Kaoru what was on his mind. He pulled Kaoru very close to him so that she wouldn't be cold in the early winter's night and because he wanted a reason to hold Kaoru close to him. They walked until they reached the stream where Kenshin had left her to leave for Kyoto but his time leaving Kaoru was the very last thing on his mind. The melody of the stream's gentle current had finally made everything perfect for Kenshin.

"Kaoru," he said her name with no formalities to add more intimacy to the night while his arms moved around her to pull her gently into his embrace, "I need to ask you something very important that means a lot to me but before I do I feel I need to tell you something. Something I should have told you the very first day I met you." He took a deep breath as he stared at Kaoru's anticipating joyful blue eyes before his eyes traveled down her face to her full lips which were completely irresistible.

As if rehearsed, both Kaoru and Kenshin began slowly leaning into each other. "Kaoru," their faces were closing in on each other, "I have to tell," Kaoru closed her eyes as prepared herself for the impact that their lips were sure to make, "you that," Kenshin could feel her soft bangs and warm breath on his face, "I lov-"

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything." They quickly pulled apart before they made the contact they both longed for. Kaoru, who faced was flushed with embarrassment and anger from being caught before her lips could graze Kenshin's, turned to face the unwanted presence.

"Actually," Kenshin's voice was much harder and cold than normal, "you are interrupting, so I would appreciate it if you would leave."

"Is that Battousai I hear or are you just really angry with me?" Saitoh smirked while his cocky amber eyes danced with amusement.

"Saitoh, what do you want?" His voice was full of impatience and anger.

"No need to get pissy. Actually, I was heading towards Tanuki's dojo to speak to you but it seems that I don't have to go that far." He glanced at Kaoru before turning his full attention back on Kenshin. "You know Battousai, if you were planning on fucking the Tanuki then I suggest you do it inside, it's just polite."

"What the hell do you want Saitoh? Tell me quickly. I have better things to do than waste my time talking to you." Kenshin's voice was low and closely resembled the voice of Battousai. Kaoru noticed this and immediately forgot the vulgar comment Saitoh made. She grabbed Kenshin's hand to hold it in her own and squeezed tightly; Kenshin squeezed in return and suddenly reverting back to the kind Kenshin she was accustomed to.

"I can see the `better things' you have to `do' but I can assure you the reason why I came to talk to you is much more important."

"What exactly did you want to talk about?" Kenshin's level of curiosity was steadily rising.

"Not here, let's go to the dojo and not with her present." Saitoh pointed to Kaoru, "She won't be involved in the conversation." Kaoru had the urge to beat Saitoh over the head with her bokken but instead she settled with shooting him dirty looks.

"Fine, let's go to the dojo but whatever you have to say to me you can say in front of Kaoru or you won't say at all." Kenshin spoke firmly to settle the matter.

Saitoh simply shrugged and started towards the dojo, "Whatever Battousai, I don't care either way."

They arrived at the dojo and sat down together. Kenshin and Kaoru waited impatiently while Saitoh slowly sipped his tea purposely trying to piss them off. Kenshin drank some of his own drink before he started the conversation.

"What did you want to speak to me about?" Kenshin had tired of Saitoh's games.

"I came here to speak about the meeting you'll be attending in Osaka that takes place in a week." He spoke calmly as if this was old news to Kenshin.

"What? What meeting? Why am I supposed to be going?" Confusion was written on Kenshin and Kaoru's face.

"In one week there is going to be a meeting in Osaka."

"We know that already but I want to know why Kenshin has to go." Kaoru didn't like Saitoh games. "Stop pussy footing around the subject and just tell us!"

"Calm down," he took another sip of tea, "several government officials are meeting to discuss the plans to be taken to eliminate the Jigoku Hi clan. There becoming quite the nuisance for the government and of course they need my help as well as yours and for reasons I don't understand they want the help of that rooster idiot." He took another sip.

"Wait a minute. The government wants you, Kenshin and Sano to go and fight some group of gangsters?" Kaoru was incredulous, she had never heard of the Jigoku Hi clan. If they were a threat then there probably would have been articles about them in the newspaper or she would have overheard gossip at the market. What kind of threat is a gang that doesn't even do anything? Kenshin was thinking along the same lines.

"I agree with Kaoru-dono. If they were a threat then why haven't they done anything to scare the public into obeying them?"

"They've done plenty." Saitoh reached into his uniform, pulled out a folder and threw it in front of Kenshin and Kaoru. "Go ahead." Kenshin and Kaoru began to pull out individual pieces of paper each reading small bits and pieces.

"These are police reports aren't they?" Kaoru asked but didn't listen for an answer. "Small village attacked…over 200 killed…no survivors found." She looked at other pieces of paper, the reports were no better than any others. "Government building ambushed…all workers murdered…money and weapons were stolen…building destroyed."

"School attacked…all students and teachers were found dead…families of victims were also soon murdered." Kenshin looked though several more reports, reading about attacks on individuals or ambushes on large groups of people. All of the victims were tortured before they were executed and every time there was an attack there were no survivors. At each crime scene a sword was left implanted in the ground. On the hilt of the sword was a carving of a man with a sword through his chest being engulfed by flames.

"Why haven't there been any newspaper articles about this?" Kaoru stared at Saitoh waiting for an answer.

"Word never got out because the public becomes frightened too easily. If they knew that a large group was committing mass murder there would be complete chaos. Many government officials feared they would be revolts if the people found out that the government was having a difficult time trying to put an end to a terrorist group. Also, the government is very young and very weak. It wouldn't take that much for it to crumble."

"But still," Kaoru's temper was beginning to flare, "the people have a right to know, especially if their lives are in danger!"

"The people will know. Tomorrow's newspapers will have articles explaining a little about the group and how the people can protect themselves while the government eliminates the threat."

"The articles probably won't tell much of the truth if any!"

"You're right, they won't. The articles will however explain that the group is completely ruthless and they'll include a description of the group's insignia." Saitoh flashed Kaoru a fake smile, "are you happy now?" He said sarcastically before he ignored her completely.

"No!" She retorted.

Saitoh ignored her and spoke directly to Kenshin, "so Battousai I suggest you get packing and tell that rooster to do the same. We'll provide you with rooms to stay with at a very nice inn so you don't have to worry about that." Kenshin was thinking about what he was being asked to do so he remained silent, Kaoru however was not.

"I still want to know why Kenshin is needed. The government can probably find other people to take care of this problem, or better yet they could organize a militia large enough to do whatever has to be done. You're expecting too much out of one man."

"You're right that a large militia could be used except that there are a couple of problems with that plan."

"Like…?"

"For instance, a large militia would kill anyone involved with the clan so that's a lot of dead bodies to bury not to mention all of the casualties the militia would suffer."

Kaoru was silent. A lot of meaningless death was something she hated and something she knew Kenshin wouldn't be able to stand without being reminded of the Bakumatsu and reverting into the Battousai. When Kaoru had no comment to make Saitoh continued to speak.

"Another reason is the only people that really have to be `taken care' of are the leaders of the clan, if the leaders can be discovered and effectively removed then the clan will most likely break apart without any leader ship. Another reason why Battousai is needed is because our intelligence has informed us that many people in charge of the clan are powerful fighters from the Bakumatsu who would all love to kill the legendary Battousai with their blade. Besides," Saitoh drank the rest of his tea then poured himself another cup, "Battousai is already involved with the clan whether he like's it or not."

Kenshin looked up surprised and spoke before Kaoru could ask what he was thinking, "I'm involved already? How?"

"Do you remember a certain Makoto Shishio?" He asked with a tiny bit of sarcasm although this was hardly the time to be sarcastic.

"What did this have to do with Shishio?"

"A lot actually. The Jigoku Hi used to be working for Shishio, they too were striving for a `new' Japan. However they relied too much of Shishio. All of their hopes depended on Shishio's success in defeating the Battousai, but he failed and died during the fight. As you know many of the people involved with Shishio's plot disappeared completely or just laid low. They didn't have a leader and without that they didn't have any hope in overthrowing the government but a while ago much of the group returned stronger than ever and following the orders of several powerful leaders, not just one. They've been fighting to complete Shishio's dream to take over Japan by throwing it in complete disarray."

Kaoru spoke up again, "but why does that automatically make Kenshin involved? He defeated the old leader, he has nothing to do with this new group."

"Don't be stupid, Tanuki. You don't think that the group doesn't want revenge on Battousai for defeating Shishio and destroying their dreams in one day? If you have a brain then please use it before you give me a headache with such stupid comments." He took another sip of tea then woke Kenshin out of his thoughts when he spoke to him again. "Listen Battousai, I don't give a shit if you want to, you'll be in Osaka having that meeting in a week because you're involved, understand? You can either go to Osaka and help out the government again or hide here at the dojo and wait for the Jigoku Hi to hunt you down and get revenge for Shishio by doing whatever they think is necessary. I'm fully aware that you can protect yourself but can your precious Tanuki? Or do you plan on protecting her and everyone else in Tokyo every second of the day?" He stood up and began to leave the dojo when Kenshin followed him with Kaoru close behind.

"Saitoh, wait!" Saitoh turned around with an expecting look on his face. "When do Sano and I have to leave for Osaka?"

"Five days. I left the four train tickets inside as well of a map of Osaka and directions to the inn you'll be staying at. There's also some money in case you need it."

"Four train tickets? I thought only Sano and I were needed."

"You thought right but I had assumed that Tanuki here and that little brat wouldn't let you leave without them so I suggest you be thankful that I decided to be kind enough to purchase four tickets instead of two." He turned and began to leave the dojo when he called over his shoulder, "see you in a week Battousai, and I suggest you rid yourself of that pathetic sakabatou and pick up a real katana!"

Kenshin turned around to face Kaoru with an apologetic look on his face, but instead of facing an angry Kaoru he saw that see wasn't even looking at him or facing him.

"Kaoru, I'm sorry this had to happen, especially on our perfect night." He approached her slowly, half expecting to see a depressed Kaoru and half expecting to see a angry Kaoru but what he saw was none of that.

Kaoru was staring at the stars with a strange look on her face. "The stars are very beautiful tonight. Don't you think so Kenshin?" She spoke gently before turning to Kenshin, "just look at them." She pointed at one particularly bright star.

"Yeah, they are very pretty, but the stars aren't what I wanted to talk about." He took Kaoru's hand within his own, "I wanted to know how you felt about what I have to do."

Kaoru's demeanor didn't change a bit, she remained calm and gentle. "I don't like what's happening but I do understand that you have to do this and I know that I'll be there, by your side, every step of the way."

Kenshin was a little more than shocked. He had prepared himself for her breakdown but she was perfectly calm and collect. "Are you sure you can be this calm about what's happening." `Is she just hiding her feelings to make sure I don't worry? If she was I could probably tell. Kaoru's not exactly the hardest book to read.'

"I'm actually not too stressed about this because there's something I know that you don't." She leaned in closer to Kenshin.

"What exactly do you know?"

"That as long as you promise me you'll come back to me you will. So I want you to promise that you'll come back after you fight these clan leaders or whatever. Promise me right now." She looked at Kenshin with her big innocent blue eyes.

"I promise I'll always come back to you."

"Great!" She leaned in and gave Kenshin a small kiss on his scar.

"That reminds me, by the stream, I never got to tell you what I needed to tell you and I didn't get a chance to ask you that important question so I'll do it right now." He began to speak but Kaoru silenced him when she placed two of her fingers over Kenshin's lips.

"What ever you needed to ask and say is just going to have to wait until you get done dealing with the Jigoku Hi clan, ok?" She removed her fingers and replaced them with her lips.

They kissed each very softly, full of passion and love but not lustfully of hungrily. There would be time for kisses that after they took care of business with the government. They pulled apart due to lack of air. Although the kiss lasted for quite a while, for both parties it seemed to end too soon.

Kaoru whispered into Kenshin's ear, her soft breath tickling him, "it's okay. I can wait for you. I'll wait forever if it comes to that." She kissed Kenshin's cheek before leading him inside. "Tomorrow morning you should tell Sano and Yahiko that we're going on a vacation to Osaka. I don't want Yahiko to know what's going on right away but tell Sano okay?"

They reached Kaoru's room, Kenshin opened the door for her. "Kaoru, thank you for everything." He leaned down and kissed her goodnight.

"You don't have to thank me Kenshin, just make sure you keep your promise and never leave me because I promise to do the same." She closed her door while Kenshin retreated to his own dwellings.

One week later Kenshin, Sano, Saitoh and a few government men were all in a secret room in a very popular brothel discussing plans of action.

"Hey, Kenshin," Sano whispered to Kenshin who was seated next to him, "why are we meeting in a whore house and are these asses ever gonna shut up or at least say something important?"

"I don't know why were in a brothel but I do know that these men will keep talking and arguing until one is offended enough to leave." He whispered back before glancing at a very bored and angry looking Saitoh. "I spoke to Saitoh before the meeting, he said that there's been no new information about the Jigoku Hi clan. He also said that they still haven't discovered who's leading it so we probably won't get anything important out of this meeting."

"Then why the hell are we here!?" Sano had yelled causing the discussion to stop and all eyes to be focused on him. He turned a little red because of his sudden outburst. "Sorry, sorry. Please, I beg you keep talking." A little sarcasm was hidden in his voice. When the conversation picked up again he turned back to Kenshin, "can't we leave?"

"I don't think so. We're just gonna have to bear it."

Sano scoffed, "this is bullshit. I bet Jouchan and Yahiko are out drinking and gambling and having the time of their lives."

"Sano, drinking and gambling is what you do. I bet they're at the inn waiting for us to come back from our meeting."

"Wanna bet that their having a hell of a lot of fun?"

Kenshin smirked, `poor Sano. He's so bored that he's going to make a ridiculous bet that. I guess I should humor him.' "Sure Sano I bet that Kaoru and Yahiko are-"

He was cut off when the door was thrown open by a young police officer who was red in the face and out of breath. "Himura-san, Saitoh-san," he breathed hard trying to catch his breath.

"HEY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!? THIS IS A PRIVATE MEETING!!!" One of the men was yelling and throwing a fit that the meeting had been interrupted.

The young man paid no attention. He ran over to Kenshin while trying to give his message. "Some guy from an inn, he, he was told to get Kenshin Himura and tell him that the inn was being attacked by men from the Jigoku Hi clan!" His words were spoken very quickly and barely understandable.

"Wait slow down! Which inn is under attack and who told him to give me the message?"

"He said the inn by the river was being attacked! He said that a boy with spiky black hair and a bokken told him to go to the police and find Kenshin Himura! He also said that the boy told him that Kaoru was in danger, tha-"

Kenshin's heart had sunk into his stomach and before the young cop could finish his sentence he and Sano were already on a full sprint towards the inn. `Kaoru, please be okay! You have to be okay, you just have to be.'

They reached the inn in time to see the police intercept several men clad in black and begin to engage in combat. Kenshin looked all around the crowd of people who had been evacuated out of the inn for raven hair and blue eyes.

"KENSHIN, COME HERE!" Kenshin ran towards Sano's urgent voice, `maybe he found Kaoru.'

He ran over to the river where Sano was hauling out a very dazed and barely living young boy that he recognized as Yahiko. His heart lighten slightly but still remained very heavy. ` Yahiko's okay, but where's Kaoru?'

After Yahiko had become slightly aware of his surroundings Sano had hit him with a barrage of questions but Kenshin only had one.

"Yahiko, where is Kaoru-dono?" He spoke urgently, he needed to know where she was.

Yahiko was suddenly snapped back into reality, "the inn! She's still inside!"

Kenshin ran as fast as he could toward the entrance, `Kaoru you have to be alive! Just wait a little longer! I'm coming to save you!'

Then it happened. In one second his entire world was torn apart when the thing that mattered the most to him was suddenly ripped away when the inn went up in flames. He could feel his heart being ripped out of his chest as he watched the inn burn. `Kaoru…' He drew in a deep breath and tried to scream out all the pain he felt, tried to get her to return to him like she promised.

"KAORU!!!" He collapsed to the ground, gently rocking himself while he repeated the name of his beloved. "Kaoru, Kaoru, Kaoru, Kaoru…"

Kenshin drew in a deep breath when he pulled himself out of his painful memories. He checked his surroundings. He was still in Kaoru's old room on the floor next to her futon. `Shit, I've been in here too long.' He put her futon away and picked up everything he had misplaced before leaving her room, his sanctuary.

Kenshin walked out to dojo to stare at the stars in the exact same spot where he and Kaoru shared their first kiss. `If only I refused to go to Osaka. If I had then Kaoru would be here with me. They trip turned out to me meaningless in the end.' Shortly after the attack on the inn the Jigoku Hi clan wasn't heard from again, like they completely disappeared.

Pain filled Kenshin's heart when he thought of how Kaoru died, how it was completely his fault. `If I didn't go then Kaoru wouldn't have come and she would still be alive. There wasn't even any reason to go since the clan is gone anyway. It's my fault she died, it's my fault she had to break her promise. Now there's no way she can return to me.'

Kenshin hand traveled the secret pocket in his gi. He reached inside and pulled out a western engagement ring. `I heard it was a western tradition to give a ring like this to the person whom you loved and had hoped on marrying. Kaoru, I love you so much,' he put the ring back, `that ring was meant to be given to you that night. I'm so sorry for not telling you how I felt when I still had the chance. I'm so sorry.' He could feel that familiar heart wrenching feeling in his chest and he could feel the tears forming in his eyes but he sensed a familiar ki approaching which prevented him from completely breaking down. He wouldn't break down in front of this man. He turned to face his visitor.

"What is it that you came here for?" There at the dojo gate was non other than the wolf of Mibu, Hajime Saitoh.

Author's notes: That's it for chapter 4. The real adventure is going to begin just a little later on. Tell me what you think of the story. Thanks for the reviews! Also I changed my settings so now anyone can review. By the way, Jigoku Hi means hell fire. I'm not going to give any spoilers on whether the clan is still working together or if Kaoru is still alive. I'm going to apologize to anyone who expected action right away because this chapter and the next will probably be just talking and setting the rest of the story up. Thanks again for the reviews.